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@professionalmanipulator-blog
I’m getting there. Slow and steady wins the race but fuck it because I want it faster.
I’m starting to lose again finally. It’s about time. May have Ana on my bad side but at least she’s on one side right? She killed my immune system causing me two operations and a shit ton of water weight. I may have almost lost my arm but it was well worth it. It still is.
My Christmas wish...
I'm stuck and scared. Tomorrow is my weight day and I know I'm down a good bit. #ghostweight
Fitbit or jawbone?
Which is better? Any ideas, suggestions or recommendations for calorie burner, exercise maintenance, and sleep tracking?
Help me be thinner!!
Weigh in 12-20-16
I weighed in at 104.7lbs today. I really want/need to be back down about 15 pounds but I'm connected to a feeding tube along with being made to eat. I could really use some "motivation" and "support" as well as suggestions?
When will people get it???
I hate it when people, especially family who isn't immediate, posts things on statuses about me and how they are thankful for everyone joining in on their fight. THEIR FIGHT!? Their fight.... this isn't their fight! It's my fucking fight!!
How are you supposed to be perfect when the whole world is trying so hard to keep you from it?
My conscience
A failure
I let myself get to that point. That point where people demand you go somewhere. And where is my somewhere? A hospital. I feel plump and huge and like I’ve gained so much to have destroyed what I worked so hard for. Two IVs, flooded with fluids, feeding tube and dignity destroyed. I couldn’t have asked for anything worse.
They are filling you with garbage. Do you really wanna be filled with garbage?
Note to self
You don't need it. Well... you do need it but you DON'T need it.
ED
She looks like Mr. Bones dressed in clothes.
My mother. (In all honesty, my eating disordered self was all over this...)
If you're thin enough you will finally belong somewhere in the world.
Note to self
Reven is just never spelled backwards.
Dr. Gregory House
My Life is Trying to Kill Me!!!!!
I am so anxious yet scared. I need to get into a treatment center soon I know because I am facing some major side effects because of it. Swallowing has become very difficult and breathing is a little bit more harsh too. I just feel so weak and I am in pain also. I ask myself why do i this to my body and I cannot even answer that simple question. I am slowly losing strength and the ability to do so many things. I am doing my best to hide everything from my parents but i really don’t know how much longer I will be able to hold out on that. I am having trouble walking just a mere 50 feet in my house before I either have to sit down or bend over so I don’t pass out. Even that doesn’t always stop me from keeling over.I am just so tired. So very tired.
My mother gave me a task to do today since I really don’t do much. I was told to go and buy just a few things at target for our angel tree children. I was able to drive over fine but walking into the store...I almost lost it right there while trying to grab hold of a buggy at the last second. I was tired to begin with but just from walking around the store maybe 30 minutes wore me out more so than I could have ever imagined.
On my drive home, I was so exhausted i decided to pull over for a few minutes and just rest. I was so tired I could barely see straight. Thankfully the drive home was very quick and short but I am really just so incredibly exhausted that now I feel like I would collapse if I even tried to get up off the couch. I’m so disappointed in myself...