Hardware Corner Review: Everhard 100mm x 3m Black EasyDRAIN Prejoined Polymer Channel and Grate
Hi folks, and welcome to another Hardware Corner Review. Today we’ll be taking the Everhard 100mm x 3m Black EasyDRAIN Prejoined Polymer Channel and Grate through its paces. It’s often said that people go through life pretending to know what they are doing, but that is not true within a hardware store, where there are Real Men who Know Things, and those who stumble from emasculation to emasculation. The EasyDRAIN channel is available from Bunnings retailers for $53.90.
Construction
The EasyDRAIN channel is composed of 3x1m sections with an allegedly removeable grate on top. The grate is sealed inside the channel by an ancient shithead curse. I applied so much force removing it that when it finally came undone it nearly flew over the fence into my neighbour Dennis’s yard. I can’t talk to Dennis without suffering mild to moderate anxiety since the day he bought a motorbike (the large loud kind). He is very happy and mostly beyond my comprehension. The EasyDRAIN channel comes in three colours: black, black with white grating, and terracotta.
Ease of Use
When I visited my grandfather in hospital, I told him the following joke:
A patient says to his doctor “doc, I feel terrible. Everything hurts and I don’t know why.”
The doctor takes one look at him and says, “well, first of all, you have to stop masturbating.”
The patient replies, “why?”
“Because I’m trying to examine you.”
He liked this joke a lot. I didn’t want to convince myself that he was on his deathbed. He was a man who towed the materials to build a shed three thousand kilometers down the Australian coastline to his new plot of land, built the shed, and lived in the shed with his wife and four children while he built his house.
I cried when he died and I cried assembling the Everhard 100mm x 3m Black EasyDRAIN Prejoined Polymer Channel and Grate.
Quality of Instructions
The EasyDRAIN system comes with a link to Everhard’s online help system. To log on, first you must answer the question “What’s worse: that you inherited your fatalism from your mother and father, or that you developed it independently?” Unfortunately I was not able to progress past this step in the review period.
Modular Extras
When hardware is “modular” it is sort of like when a game has DLC, except if you don’t buy the right modules your house will collapse.
An essential extra is the Everhard EasyDRAIN 100mm End Cap, without which your drain will become inundated with concrete and you will need to rush back to the store where a 90 year old ex-carpenter will suck air through his teeth and tell you “of course you’re gonna need one of those”. It does not attach securely to the drainage channel, but is largely blameless in the process.
To secure the end cap in place you will need an Everhard EasyDRAIN 100mm Black Polymer Converter. Its role is to vaguely hold things together until immersed in concrete at which point it will fall apart and be concreted into place, becoming yet another thing in your life you cannot take back.
Join me next week when I recap all of the products my stepdad describes as “probably too powerful” for me. Until then, Happy Hardwareing!
I logged in to tumblr to reblog this it’s that good
and I haven’t logged in for years.
