Professor Wistwood's Staffroom

A space for students and staff of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

[professor-wistwood]

The Biscuit Incident

To whoever thought it’d be funny to enchant the staffroom biscuits to scurry away when someone reaches for them: 1. Well done. Truly inspired work. 2. Stop it. I tried using magic to stop the rogue custard cream so I could disenchant it, but the little menace was too fast. Spells ricocheting off the walls, me dodging a self-stirring teapot—it’s safe to say I’m far too old for this nonsense. Meanwhile, Flitwick’s doubled over in laughter, and Sprout’s offered to “grow me a calmer snack.” If I find out who’s responsible, you’ll be on dungbomb disposal duty with Filch for the rest of the term. Mark my words.

[professor-wistwood]

Let's get this over with

Since half of you won't stop asking me the same question every time I walk down the corridor—no, there isn’t a spell to skip exams without consequences. If there were, I’d have used it already. This page exists so I can answer your endless questions once and avoid having my tea breaks interrupted. Submit your queries here—but if it’s about Peeves, love potions, or anything exploding, don’t bother. Mortimer, my familiar, might chime in. He’s not nice. That’s it. Don’t make me regret this.