Violet had kept every single one of his letters, even if she couldnât bring herself to read all of them. They didnât need to be signed for her to know who they came from. The curve of his script was almost as familiar as her own. Sometimes, she could see him in her mind, writing those letters. That little crease he got in his forehead when he wrote, the one that made him look so utterly adorable in her eyes. Maybe one day sheâd read them all. Read every single word that dripped with emotion and care and things she wouldnât even dare name. Until then, theyâd stay in a box, tucked away under her bed.
Oh she had missed that voice. That voice that could both lull her into sleep and make her want to stay awake just so she could hear more of it. That had once made her feel warm and safe. Times had been so simple back then. His presence alone had once relaxed her, had once given her a sense of peace that was so foreign to her. Now, it offered something messier, something unclear and harder to feel.Â
âI thought youâd stop trying.â Yet, he hadnât. Six months he had endured of her self-imposed exile and somehow he was still here, standing in a home that no longer felt like home. And oh god had she missed him. She had missed him all that was left of her. With the parts of her that Jamie had left behind. The words were stuck in her throat though, like they were refusing to be said. Even now, she could hear her motherâs voice in her head going on and on about weakness and how thatâs all missing him was, a weakness. She just stood there, staring at the man that made her feel more then anyone else ever had, unable to say the words that were the most true.
While he knew heâd never be able to fully understand what Violet was going through and the pain she was feeling, he wanted to try. Jamie so desperately wanted to be there for her, even going so far as stopping to write and take a regular job so he could devote more time to her and taking care of her. Violet was as strong-willed and self-reliant as they came, but he knew that in this moment, she needed support. All of his efforts were currently for nothing, but that didnât mean heâd ever stop trying. He needed her now more than ever, and he knew deep down that she needed him, too.
His fingers drummed against the side of his thighs, nervously fidgeting as he stood only a few feet away from her. There were so many thoughts and words swirling around in his head, so many things he wanted to say to her but couldnât. Now was the perfect opportunity for him to say something--anything--but he just came up empty. The space between them was so minimal he could erase it entirely with one quick embrace, but he didnât dare move from his spot, not wanting her to blow up at the contact or worse- kick him out again.
âIâll never stop trying.â He said finally, catching her eyes with his, holding the contact only for a moment before he began peering around her walls again. It was too painful to look into her soul, to see past the broken parts and envelop himself in what they used to be. Jamie knew the woman he fell in love with was still in there, and he was hopeful she could scratch the surface again. âI understand why youâre pushing me away, Vi, and Iâm not angry at you. I could never be angry with you. I understand why you havenât returned my calls.â He clarified, clearing his throat and taking a small step towards her. The distance between them killed him as much as their six months apart had, if not more- because now she was close enough to touch, to hold, and to care for but he knew it wasnât appropriate to do so. âI just want to be here for you; itâs all Iâve ever wanted. Through whatever youâre feeling, I want to support you.â