academia & yearning

21 | friday | he/him

[professorprofessing]

this is mostly a means to express my feelings for one of my professors. i don’t plan on pursuing him, and feel especially as an aspiring academic that being with him would be detrimental to both of us.

with that out of the way, intros for me and him.

friday (me)

🐛 bisexual trans man

🐛 film studies

🐛 last year of study

grant (him)

🎞️ ???? cis man, married

🎞️ film department

🎞️ 16 year age gap w/ me

[professorprofessing]

last day of class and i told the TA & grant that i would send them my personal email & grant said he would send me his number❣️❣️❣️

[professorprofessing]

last class w/ him ever and he wore my color on his hoodie and shoes ^w^ i’ve never seen him wear it & i wear it a lot so >:)

[professorprofessing]

when my parents were his age, i was 11 😭

[professorprofessing]

my #01 dream is if for some reason my department decides to send my professor crush on a research trip and they need students/recent grads for the trip and me and my friend/classmate get to go on a trip

[professorprofessing]

been super stressed about grad school apps + finals BUT nice things in the past week or so:

- told my friend/classmate about me being in love w/ our professor, he was nice about it

- friend came back from study abroad and listened to me gush about grant

- got really drunk and became friends w/ another tcer

- had a little chat w/ grant. he’s so silly and cute

- had a dream about grant ^w^

[professorprofessing]

sometimes i worry that grant likes my friend more than me. which actually shouldn’t matter, but i am insane and i need to be the favorite. but who is talking to the man for 2 hours outside of his office hours. THIS GUY!!!!

[professorprofessing]

three things:

1. before class, grant walked up to my friend and i, presumably to chat with us (common occurrence), but immediately turned around when he realized that we were deep in a conversation about intracommunity issues (😭 lmao)

2. he wore a cute little outfit today

3. he did approach us after lecture but before the film screening and had us lean in very close (like. i was 5 inches from his face) to tell us… that he was going to have an outfit change mid-movie. idk why it had to be a secret but it was very funny that he was so serious about it. bless him.

[professorprofessing]

hiiiii it’s been a minute. i still have feelings for grant, but that has mostly been overshadowed by my feelings for D aka eddie, one of my best friends. i’m just going to gush about him for a minute. he has compared us to bert & ernie, he bought a poster for his room ‘in my honor’, we hang out for 12-16 hours a week, and we sang two romantic duets together at karaoke. i’m planning to confess to him tonight. we first met in grant’s class a year and a half ago, became close friends last semester in another one of grant’s classes, and he keeps showing up to screenings in my/grant’s class this semester despite not being in the class. the two of us are defo grant’s favorite students (although i will say that eddie has said that i’m the favorite, which is maybe the most romantic thing he could have told me /hj) and honestly i’m like 75% sure grant ships us lmao. eddie knows i have a crush on grant, and he’s very nice about it lmao. anyways i have office hours w/ grant today, grant’s class, and then eddie hangout. wish me luck

[jedluvsolder-deactivated2025122]

I think he was judging tho bc every time I see him I freeze and it’s really obvious 😭

[professorprofessing]

was listening to tarot readings to find stuff out about me and D. and this reader started pulling out “teacher with [our age gap] year age gap” and i am floored.

[professorprofessing]

i need this man to either wear the wedding ring all of the time so i can deal or stop wearing it altogether so i can fantasize. stop wearing it on and off. what would your wife think????

[professorprofessing]

thinking about how my email made him laugh.

[jellyfish-exe]

I need this extremely smart and dorky man to lose it and have a moral crisis due to being attracted to me

[sealene]

i want so badly to be his whyy did we have to meet as teacher and student

[professorprofessing]

happy valentine’s day!

here’s my romance map:

key:

me - me

c - my TA’s partner

TA - my/grant’s TA

W - grant’s wife

G - grant

D - one of my besties

P - a guy who i worked on a semester project with last semester

dotted line: matched on hinge months ago

solid line: together

yellow: wants to fuck

red: in love with

squiggle line: worked on project together

in conclusion: what the fuck

[professorprofessing]

he blocked off extra time for me, we talked about current events (😭) and television. it was my first time physically in his office, which he was surprised at. i scheduled the office hours right before class, so we walked there together ^w^