Emotions And Relationships, Misato & Kaji
I have always found Misato and Kaji to be a cute paring with each other despite how much flaws their relationship holds. I never really bothered to care that much about Kaji and Misato the first time I watched it I just simply found them cute and brushed them off as a way of compromising so I can focus on understanding what the hell is even happening in nge. But during my third watch of nge, getting a decent grasp on the plot I got to focus on more of the ‘trivial’ things, and what left me really mesmerised the most was Misatos and Kajis relationship because I really underestimated its depth the first time I watched it. Lets get into it.
Misato and Kaji were viewed to be the perfect couple and seemed to be genuinely in love from Ritsuko and her mothers perspective and they honestly were. They were such a perfect pairing it begs the question why they would ever even break up in the first place? Well it all stems from Misatos inner turmoil about her father and her emotions surrounding him.
Misato began to see her father in Kaji and it made her repulsed by herself, not Kaji. Kaji was never the problem speaking retrospectively at the relationship before they broke up it was Misatos self hatrad that ended the relationship, because she was ashamed that she sees a man she hates in a man she loves- lets dive into that because we will never be able to fully understand why Misato would end her relationship with Kaji without bringing up her relationship with her father.
Misato has vowed to hate her father because of his negligence over his wife and his daughter. He never took care of them and instead prioritised his work over them which ended up making his wife depressed and left his daughter to take care of her. Misato hated her father for how he treated them and instead of grieving the absence of her father, she grew to hate him because she couldn’t process her emotions because she had to take care of her mother. But then the second impact happened, Misato almost died if it weren’t for the man she hated saving her.
Now, Misato is conflicted. How is she supposed to feel now that the man she vowed she hated, saved her life? She never even exactly understood why, it all felt spontaneous, even in her final moments she never called out for him- so why did he? That day had changed the trajectory of Misato’s life, making her develop self destructive tendencies (such as being  promiscuous, impulsive, self sabotage etc.) She literally joined nerv almost in spite of her father. So imagine feeling so filled with hatred and indecisiveness towards a person, then you suddenly see that exact person in your romantic partner.
So yeah Misato couldn’t stand being in a loving relationship with a man like that because she ended up feeling ashamed of herself- sleeping with a man she saw her father in, the same father she hated?! She felt as if she was betraying herself and felt so dirty around him. But after some time, Misato found comfort in that, she found comfort in Kaji and she ended up using him as a result.
When Kaji returned to Misato’s life she was not one bit happy and didn’t want to do anything with him, but with Kajis persistent advances she eventually succumbed to him, she loved feeling dirty it comforted her and she could of only found that in Kaji’s embrace, and well his dick too. (I dont think Kaji should of made so many advances at her, he should of respected her and i know he does but with how he acted that didnt seem like it.) As a result though, Misato ended up using Kaji for her own comfort, indulging herself in self destructive behaviour and Kaji just let her.
Misato enjoyed and indulged being nothing but filth around Kaji because she thought in that way she was rebelling against her father, even after all that time. Its so immature but Misato just couldn’t see it in any other way. She denies all of this in the instrumentality project because she never verbalised her feelings and instead expressed them physically, subconsciously.
I do think Misato loved Kaji, but with her issues she ended up tainting that love with nothing but pleasure.
