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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

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if i look back, i am lost
Noah Kahan

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@projectpoetry
Swan Lake, Vienna State Opera Ballet, 1966
âYou are going to break your promise. I understand. And I hold my hands over the ears of my heart, so that I will not hate you.â
â Catherynne M. Valente, Deathless
via weheartit
via weheartit
âThe Immortalâ, Luka PejiÄ
Knock-knock, hello, I just wanted you to know,
Although Iâm aware that you wouldnât even care,
But I canât stand not being there to show
You how able you are when it comes to taking life
With one fast blow, as light as a flake of snow,
And I canât stand being here, with you nowhere near,
I couldnât stand being there, âcause that wouldnât be fair
To my own bare dignity. And Iâve lost everything for you,
I nearly drowned myself just to prove to you that I would
Do anything to keep you, and you just stood there,
And of which dignity am I speaking of, is there any left?
What you did was theft, you stole everything I had,
And I offered more! I ripped my soul and clothes off
And stuffed my skin with poison ivy, then watched you grin
As you said how pretty I was. That will have to be a sin
Because you canât just tell someone you love them
And then slowly, with a bit of a smile, grind them to dust,
As reddish-brown as rust, and blow them away into sky,
Because thereâs no heaven there, last time I checked,
Then get to become a song of ink, paper and my heart,
You fucking bastard! How is this fair? Where is my share?
Last time I checked, you were smiling upon somebody else,
I but a pile of mess, now poison ivy myself, wrecked.
You fucking bastard! This is not fair, giving you eternal life
While my reflection glares at me through tears.
Fine, be an immortal, motherfucker, and Iâll deal with sneers.
To the woman on the train with tissues
The lady on the BART
Saw me and placed
A pack of tissues on the armrest
For half a second
I wished I havenât met her eyes
So I tried to look at something else
Then my eyes grazed the neon green paper
Stuck on the pack
âIf you were a single mom
And have a 2-month-old sonâ
I stopped reading then
I didnât have to know more
Because I know what itâs like
To live from day to day
I gave her a dollar
And she said âGod bless youâ
And she smiled like she meant it
I donât have a 2-month-old son
I am not a single mom
I am an immigrant and jobless
And a dollar is still a dollar
But itâs a small price to pay
To be a human blessing today.
âOf Parchment and Cellsâ, Luka PejiÄ
once i thought i was dead. every shadow would mortify me, every colour would disappear when i turned around, no meadow ever seemed to open before me, and so much ink had been spent on me, my skin became my parchment, always alone in my apartment, i thought that i was locked, and nothing seemed to shock me anymore, things would happen and i would cry and then things wouldnât happen and iâd cry anyway, in those times when people didnât even try to act fragile, when people didnât die i always thought i had, always a mile away from life, no matter how many miles i had passed, begun carrying a knife with me just in case i attacked the worst enemy inside me, thinking all the time that the race was over a long time ago, just brown and locks and shadows, knife, in case there was some strifeâ
did crying ever make you sad like me? iâd cry and think that spilling tears was a sad act in itself, so iâd punish myself for being sad for crying, and then iâd cut in pain just above my tiny, purple vein. my parchment became my skin.
i thought i was dead once, i never killed myself.
the sadness, the anger, the pain, none of them in vain.
the door locked, but windows open wide, so i jumped at the first sound, and realised that all of that was life, both knife and locks and strife and god knows whatâ
and i saw myself falling, and in that moment of dying, i realised i was flying.
Madelaine Cantwell, i.
Yesterday, I was happy.
Yesterday, I explored forests and streams and meadows.
I ran and I climbed, I fell, I got back up, I got scratches and scrapes and scars.
My paths were endless.
 Tomorrow, I'll be happy.
Tomorrow, I'll have a home and a job and a family I adore.
I'll work with passion, walk with purpose.
I'll fail and fail and fail only to succeed when I need it most.
My path will be clear.
 Today...
Today, I am nothing.
The forests are gone, the streams dry, the meadows turned into rows and rows of utilitarian houses.
I can't fall if I don't run, if I don't climb, but still scars mar my soul.
Still fear saps my courage, my strength.
Still despair takes my resolve.
I am clay without form.
Without purpose.
I'm too scared to get my hands dirty.
Too weak to give shape to the shapeless.
Hope to the hopeless.
Life to the lifeless.
Where I once ran, now I walk, my shoulders sagging, my feet dragging.
There are endless sets of footprints in this shifting sand.
All mine.
I'm lost, walking in circles, and I don't know how to find my way out.
It's dark, and I can't see the stars.
It's cold, and I have no fire.
 And I can't find my path.
Nel Devan, i.
The city is quiet, quiescent.
On the sky a lone crescent stays,
As if someone forgot to turn it off.
Red glowing tips of cigarettes remain
Scattered over balconies and rooftops.
 Sleepiness is like a disease.
It spreads through the place with ease and
Places people in bed with just a yawn,
Travels at the speed of dark 'cross the land.
Symptoms disappear with a break of dawn.
 But one quaint bar does not succumb,
One from where the music comes, rings
Through nearby streets. And the singer, she sways
To the rhythm, eyes closed, doing her thing.
Tables crowned with bottles and full ashtrays.
 And the music touches their heart,
Beats to the drum, follows art. Best
Is to cleanse the soul with what it savours.
Bodies are shells. Real substance within chest.
Don't be dormant. Don't rest. Seek other cures.
âJohn 8:7â, Alex Morgan
Do we know the same Jesus?
The man who walked
with outcasts and whores
and banished
the merchants from the Temple?
The man who welcomed
the hopeless and the damned
to his humble table?
 If we know the same Jesus
why do you wallow
in blind hatred
when he gave sight
to the sightless?
Why do hurt, bully and abuse
your queer children
when he said
"Let the little children
come to me
and do not hinder
them, for to such
belongs the kingdom of heaven"?
 Don't you dare come
to me with your words of poison,
for we don't know the same Jesus
and any faithless atheist shows
more compassion
than your Bible-brandishing,
red-faced pastor.
 Let he who is without sin
cast
the first stone
*the smell of old books*
âLithiumâ, Luka PejiÄ
A little pill for sorrow,
A hundred for tomorrow,
And allâs going to fade,
And become a little shade.
 A pill when Iâm ecstatic,
The one when Iâm electric;
Would you please put down the blade
And become a little shade?
 One when youâre annoying,
One when youâre enjoying,
One when you are sleeping,
One when you are weeping â
 You are just so insolent,
Sometimes goddamned violent â
Christ, how much youâve strayed,
Go become a little shade!
 So Iâll take my coloured pills,
Iâll be paying my own bills,
But now look what you have made:
I am just a little shade.
âPretty Little Bonesâ, Luka PejiÄ
Why wouldn't you expose your pretty little bones?
Why wouldn't you let me take a walk inside your walls?
Why wouldn't you let me break your skull a minute later
To see if the thoughts are as sweet as their creator?
 I promise, I swear, my love, you won't feel a thing,
Except for that thing we're for sure supposed to feel.