but holiness is visible, entirely.

something shameful and half-remembered.

[promachoia2]

@empures prayed: "i need you to come pick me up." (x)

in a moment,  parental instincts flare.     first,  henry's stomach churns,  his blood pressure rises,  and a bit of sweat mists the back of his neck.      an anxious grip clutches his phone as fingers lift to pinch the bridge of his nose.   (relax !  inhale first.  exhale second.  rinse and repeat !)     slowly,  henry inhales a large gust of air,  filling his lungs,  and then carefully releases it.     so,  this was parenthood—a brisk invasion of emotions.     some good,  some bad,  none of them making any sense.     oddly enough,  it felt like someone took his feelings,  stuffed them into a bottle,  and then carelessly shook them up.     an emotional bottle rocket,  if you will.     what people fail to mention about parenthood is that you are no longer in the driver's seat.     everything comes at you fast,  and you must keep up.     the ability to maintain all inhibitions and self-restraint flies right out the window.    (no matter how old your children are).     henry rakes a hand through his brown curls as he returns to reality.

finally,  he can breathe easily again.     his head has stopped spinning,  and the adrenaline has left his veins.     when he returns to his body,  henry immediately goes for his keys.     ❛❛     where are you ?     ❜❜     a brow lifts as he struggles into his shoes.     ❛❛     please don't tell me you got caught up in a mess with maze or lucifer ?     ❜❜     carefully,  eyes begin to search the room for his coat.     henry pauses,  swipes his tongue over his lower lip,  and speaks.     ❛❛     are you alright ?     ❜❜     a hand rubs over his face.     ❛❛     i don't care what happened,  as long as you're alright.     ❜❜    

[promachoia2]

@monsignr prayed: "i thought things would be different." (x)

❛❛     don't we all,     ❜❜     henry sighs.     ❛❛     but,  we must remember that we cannot know His plan.     only He can.     ❜❜     a thick swallow.     ❛❛     perhaps,  this is Him taking a moment to right the ship,     ❜❜     liar.     ❛❛     i'm sure that He has heard your pleas,  father,     ❜❜     another lie.     suddenly,  henry couldn't remember the last time he had to mince words so carefully.     to articulate a truth while lying all at once.     ❛❛     all that matters now is remaining devoted to Him.     god does for those who choose to believe.     ❜❜     finally,  a bit of truth.     gently,  henry's hand reaches out and touches the father's shoulder.     it's a gesture created out of a sympathy.     one meant to soothe the father's weary temperament.     ❛❛     regardless,  we must continue following His path—following His truth.     that,  above all else,  is what He would want.     ❜❜     (and that is the curse you bare for choosing to instill your faith in a self-righteous,  narcissistic,  asshole,  father.)    luckily,  henry's venom doesn't touch the ears of the divine man.

however,  brown eyes do briefly roll toward the ceiling before falling.     a very "fuck you" to the man upstairs.     slowly,  silence begins to fill the small-town church.     with only a population of 127,  the dying town of crockett island exists 30 miles away from society,  blanketed in a layer of eerieness.     just then,  a chill cruises up henry's spine.     he didn't belong here.     something about crockett island (and its inhabitants) put the former archangel on edge.     what lurked within the waters of this place ?     why were the people so ...  odd ?     as questions danced through henry's head,  he realized his hand still rested on the father's shoulder.     quickly,  he pulls back his beat of sympathy.     a faint chuckle escapes lips.     even henry can't help but find the humor in the moment.     there he sat,  seeking shelter in a place his father so happily denied him privileges.    for henry,  no scriptures or gospels,  captibating artworks,  or prayers existed.    the archangel,  daneil,  never was to those of the christian faith.     he was merely a simple utterance among those willing to scrape the bottom of the barrel (or some loose papers stowed away at the vatican.)

gradually,  the moon wanes into position,  illuminating the altar at the head of the church.     a cruicifed jesus dazzles,  lurking in judgment,  at the two sinners.     the glare catches henry's eye,  and he strains his neck to glance up.     only realizing,  then,  how tense he had been this entire time.     with shoulders squared,  a mouth settled into a thin line,  and fingers locked tightly—it was as if someone had replaced him with a statue carved out of marble.    how had he gotten here ?     how did he end up face-to-face with this man of the cloth ?     not only was his visit to crockett island meant to be short and sweet,  but so was this visit with father paul.     yet,  something about the other made him stop,  sit,  and converse about the almighty.

perhaps,  this was a form of penance for henry—an opportunity to cleanse his soul.     just as he considers the idea of flaying himself wide open,  of spilling an intimate detail,  he stops.     henry closes his mouth and flattens his hair with both hands before crossing his arms.     with a head tilt,     ❛❛     father,     ❜❜     he begins.     ❛❛     not everyone will understand what you were trying to do.     what good you've brought to the community.     ❜❜     for a moment,  even henry starts to believe what he's saying.     ❛❛     you've been courageous in the face of,     ❜❜     a pause.     once again,  he minces his words.     ❛❛     this place ...  there's something off with crockett island,     ❜❜     only then does another chill tingle down his spine.     ❛❛     and i believe it can only be made better by you.     if you stop believing in your work,  then so will they.     what will be their purpose anymore ?     who will guide them ?     your parishioners need you.     ❜❜    

[symbion-deactivated20251030]

. . . the tragic hero is complete. you can call him unhappy (miserable, utterly broken) even before he is dead. for an instant he is something like divine. and then he dies, because there's nothing left to do. the center of every tragedy is the image of a human being who has already died but keeps talking, someone whose face is a mask. / a very private & selective plot-centric divinity based original muse (with exploration in the themes of the prodigal son, shedding the corporal form, came back wrong, consumption and being consumed, etc.)

[promachoia2]

this blog ? an archive now. where to find mel ?

henry is now @entheosis

pepper is @thejackpot

bonnie is @feathertrick

[promachoia2]

this blog ? an archive now. where to find mel ?

henry is now @entheosis

pepper is @thejackpot

bonnie is @feathertrick

[maternalfixation-a-deactivated2]

so, i'm gonna die ? is that what you're trying to tell me ? because i've done it once or twice before & it's not all that fun. / mutuals only + plot-centric bonnie bennett. ©

[geryone]

Holy Feast and Holy Fast, Caroline Walker Bynum

[promachoia2]

30.     netflix watch history. 

A  PEAK  AT  WHAT’S  INSIDE  THEIR          .    .    .

30. NETFLIX WATCH HISTORY.

knives out: glass onion (2022), the queen's gambit (s1, ep2), lupin (s1, ep1), peaky blinders (s1, ep5), the blacklist (s3, ep1), the last kingdom (s2, ep3), bullet train (2022), synchronic (2019), better call saul (s1, e1), the redeem team documentary (2022), beyoncé’s homecoming (2019), the devil all the time (2020), prisoners (2013), his house (2020), the ring (2002)

[promachoia2]

LESSON IN FLUIDITY, SUBJECT: HENRY FITZGERALD [1/??] (mutuals may reblog, personals don't fucking touch !)

[promachoia2]

06.     bedside table drawer.

A  PEAK  AT  WHAT’S  INSIDE  THEIR          .    .    .

06. BEDSIDE TABLE DRAWER.

let me preface this by saying his bedside table drawer is chaotic.     sometimes whatever henry is searching for is there  ;  sometimes,  it isn't (aka he forgot to put it back in the drawer).    however,  the usual rotation consists of:  a box of matches,  a few strips of gum (never a whole pack),  a few pencils (one mechanical,  one no. 2),  ballpoint pens (red,  black,  blue. most of them half-used.),  loose condoms,  old receipts from days or weeks ago,  a multitude of sticky notes,  nail clippers,  ponytail holders (if you know,  you know),  a sample size bottle of cologne (there's always one,  no matter what),  a bottle of hand lotion,  cufflinks (usually one or two pairs),  and lastly,  a punch-out pack of aspirin (even though there's already a bottle in the medicine cabinet).

[promachoia2]

@shivawne prayed: "you're a real piece of work." (x)

❛❛     is that a hint of frustration i'm detecting,  ms. roy  ?     ❜❜     his gravelly voice reeks of condescension.     ❛❛     or,  forgive me,  is it mrs. wambsgans ?     ❜❜     a manicured brow lifts toward the sky as a smirk slithers on ancient features.     the author is rarely this acerbic with his clients.     usually,  his shrewd tongue remains dormant,  snubbing the temptation to engage in such petty remarks—a professional in every sense of the word.     however,  this was no ordinary client standing before him.     she was siobhan fucking roy.     and when she called (back, that is),  you fucking answered.     as the only woman in the roy circus,  she was in a prime position to detail every heinous,  fascinating,  juicy thing behind the doors of waystar royco.     and who was henry to decline the opportunity ?    

as he stands,  he plops his moleskine journal atop the beautifully crafted desk and begins to pace.     ❛❛     i'm sure many around waystar would have the same to say about you,     ❜❜     his head cranes in her direction.     ❛❛     actually,     ❜❜     a pause.     ❛❛     i can attest that they've said much worse.     ❜❜     slowly,  his arms crossed over his chest,  and he stops.     ❛❛     when you called my office back,  siobhan,  you knew what this meant—the gravity of this book.     ❜❜     lips purse slightly as his feet begin moving again,     ❛❛     hell,  if i remember correctly,  you said some rather unsavory things when i first approached you about the idea.     ❜❜     henry laughs softly.  when arms uncross,  the writer begins to talk with his hands,     ❛❛     you even came to appreciate the idea of telling your story,  yourself,  in your own words.     ❜❜   

henry sits on the corner of her desk as a hand grazes through brunette coils.     well aware of the future scolding awaiting him once she took notice.     there was something enthralling about their partnership.     albeit reluctant on her behalf and if henry could be candid,  on his as well,  something about this situation worked.     whether it was the way the banter flowed or the sincerity that left the youngest roy's lips after a few glasses of wine—henry had never been on a writing journey where things seemed so easy.     ❛❛     listen,     ❜❜     he begins,  standing.     ❛❛     if you want to back out,  i would fully understand.     ❜❜     a playful grin begins to tug at the corners of his lips,     ❛❛     although,  it would be the last thing i would ever expect from siobhan roy.     ❜❜     there's a slight twinkle in his eye as he starts to pace once more.     ❛❛     then again,  the roy family is always full of surprises,     ❜❜     a nonchalant shrug of the shoulder,     ❛❛     what's one more,  especially from you ?     ❜❜    

[promachoia2]

@medicnal prayed: "can i stay with you? just for the night?" (x)

her words cause his heart to thrum.     they reach into the hutch of his ribcage and latch on with reckless abandon.     what was once a slow,  steady palpitate progresses into rapid drumming.     he can feel his heart in his throat for a moment,  and he swallows.     there's an immediate urge to tell her no,  the word dancing loosely on his tongue.     yet,  as henry parts his lips to speak,  silence befalls him.     the constant swirling of emotions within the pit of his stomach makes him nauseous.     each time she looked at him,  henry suddenly felt the urge to drop everything and worship at the body of her altar.     cordelia allowed him to feel again.     to believe that letting someone into his life and heart was far from the weakest thing he could do.     but,  the idea of being vulnerable with someone again terrified him.     it was a fear that reached within the depths of him and twisted like a knife.     anyone that dared get too close to him always ended up hurt or worse and that was the last thing he ever wanted for cordelia.   (especially with what she had been through herself.)

it all felt selfish in the grand scheme of things,  though,  withholding his feelings for her.     how could he allow her to stew in the unknown ?     wouldn't it be better to tell her,  and if things go poorly,  at least the words are out in the open  ?     these were the sort of questions that swam around in the grey matter of his brain.     that haunted him every time he was around her.     when henry realizes he still hasn't said a word,  he blinks,  dips his head,  and meets her eyes.     immediately,  he softens.     ❛❛     now,  would i ever turn you away ?     ❜❜     his eyebrow lifts.     with a swallow,  henry reaches out for her,  taking a petite hand in his own.     slowly,  he lifts the back of cordelia's hand and kisses her knuckles softly.     ❛❛     and if you say yes,  then i will,     ❜❜     a soft chuckle as a smirk touches his lips.     ❛❛     however,  if you don't,     ❜❜     henry pauses.     ❛❛     then,  of course,  you can stay.     you can always stay with me.     ❜❜

[ohisms]

↪     ᵗʰᵉ 𝑫𝑼𝑺𝑻𝒀 𝑻𝑶𝒀𝑩𝑶𝑿 .    (  a  collection  of  various unsorted sentence starters .  adjust  phrasing  as  necessary .   no longer updating .  )

why are you here ?

drive .  drive fast .

i think we should make an informed decision .

are you coming or not ?

you’ve been avoiding me .

[ name ] ,  what were you thinking ?

this should be your priority .

let me hold you for a minute .

get out of my way .  i won’t tell you again .

that wasn’t supposed to happen .

can you keep a secret ?

i don’t know what i did to deserve you .

you seriously think i could’ve done something like that ?

you’re safe with me .

sorry isn’t good enough .

where is all this coming from ?

who told you about that ?

sorry i’m late ,  i got caught up .

you’re being paranoid .

why are you looking at me like that ?

you’re the single most important thing to me .

all i’m asking is that you hear me out .

whatever they told you ,  it’s a lie .

we shouldn’t stick around here .

hold my hand ,  i don’t want to lose track of you .

[ name ]  …  truth or dare ?

i love you .  nothing’s gonna change that .

can you tell me what happened ?

you can’t come around here anymore .

back off ,  okay ?

what ,  you don’t have time for me anymore ?

you’re asking for too much .

i’m trying to start a new life .

what do you mean ,  you aren’t coming back ?

sometimes i think you must hate me .

why can’t we just talk about this ?

i know i fucked up ,  you can stop rubbing it in .

you’ve got quite a reputation .

i’m not usually like this ,  i’m sorry .

please ,  just let me explain myself .

i love watching you work .

we’re on the same team .

did you ever tell anyone ?

you’ve got a lot of explaining to do .

really funny ,  you’re very mature .

you call THAT a PLAN ?

can we get out of here ?

i thought things would be different .

this is not up for debate !

do whatever you have to do .

karma’s going to get you for that .

it could’ve been a lot worse .

i asked you to leave me out of this .

maybe it’s time to take a leap of faith .

i never want to see you again .

can you see how many fingers i’m holding up ?

i’m gonna be there when you get what’s coming to you .

you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me .

i’ve been waiting all night for this .

i told you not to contact me .

sometimes i really think you have a death wish .

what do you need ?  —  what can i do ?

i would do literally anything to keep you safe .

that was supposed to be a secret .

you haven’t called me that in years .

stop telling me to calm down !

we make a pretty good team .

i have so much i want to say to you .

i’m not going to let anyone hurt you .

can we please not do this right now ? 

wait ,  wait  …  just breathe for a second .

how are you holding up ?

why don’t you stay the night ?  i’ll take the couch .

i don’t need your protection !

you’re not making this easier on yourself .

are you going to let me in ?

i’m supposed to be protecting you .

i will kill you if i have to .

do whatever you have to do .

this is going to hurt ,  i’m sorry .

what happened to you ,  where have you been ?!

there was nothing you could’ve done .

you’re all i need right now .

i don’t believe in love at first sight .

have you been following me ?

i need you to believe me .

what do you remember ?

i’m not a good person .

what the hell’s going on with you ?

you’re being followed .

just when i thought my day couldn’t be any worse .

i’ve been having weird dreams .

so you’ve been lying to me this whole time ?

are you trying to get us killed ?

this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me .

i never asked for your help .

you’re being followed ,  pretend you know me .

why has it started to feel different with you ?

don’t worry ,  i have a plan .

i heard everything .

do you need to sit down ?

i have the right to know what’s going on .

i’ve just gotta catch my breath .

stay out of my business .

what did you think was going to happen ?!

don’t cause a scene .

tell me something about you that i don’t know .

can i buy you a drink ?

what if  …  we played spin the bottle ?

this was never a problem until  [ name ]  came around .

you can’t ask me to make that choice .

are you seeing anyone right now ?

i need you to listen to me ,  we don’t have long .

you’re lying ,  that doesn’t make any sense .

you look  …  stunning .

what are you trying to prove ?

who died and made you the boss of me ?

you can’t just show up here like this .

let me make it up to you .

there’s no way i’m leaving you like this .

can we stay like this ?  just for a little longer .

i don’t need you to fight for me .

so  …  you lied to me ?

you’re the only one that can help me .

i can’t help you if you won’t let me .

i never introduced myself ,  i’m [ name ] .

i expected more from you .

you have no idea who i am ,  do you ?

are you real ?  is this real ?

can i stay with you ?  just for the night .

you’re going to get yourself killed .

why did you help me ?

tell me what i can do to help .

pick a card ,  any card .

i never wanted any of this .

i love you .   you don’t have to say it back .

do you wanna get out of here ?

what the hell are you talking about ?

i should have trusted you .

get your head out of the clouds .

how is any of this MY fault ?!

what aren’t you telling me ?

i can’t help you if you won’t let me .

it’s never just one with you ,  is it ?

you’re not supposed to know about that .

shut your mouth .

i haven’t kissed you yet ,  today .

where is this coming from ?

come over here and make me ,  then .

keep lying to yourself ,  see where it gets you .

i’m not a bad person .

is that what you wanted to hear ?

we can’t be seen together .

i can’t give you what you want .

i need you to leave .

are you drunk ?

i’m here ,  i’m here .  i’m not going anywhere .

you might want to take a seat for this .

have you been listening to anything i’ve said ?

i haven’t heard from you in weeks .

you’re jealous ,  aren’t you ?

who do you think you’re talking to ?

what are you reading ?

you could’ve killed me !

come on ,  we don’t have time for this .

i just need ten minutes of silence .

really ?  that’s all you have to say ?

we could leave ,  you know .  go far away .

you don’t look too good .

i never want to see you again .

why can’t you just leave me alone ?

i thought you died .

you’ll do anything for attention .

give me another chance .

how’s the weather up there ?

all you do is hurt people !

i’m sorry ,  none of this makes sense .

you need to get out of here before anyone sees you .

i told you i didn’t want you around here .

is that supposed to be a threat ?

you’ve changed .

don’t look at me like that .

it’s a beautiful day ,  don’t you think ?

i did what i had to do .

you never know when to stop .

i’ve got to get home ,  it’s getting late .

i have nothing to prove to you .

stop LYING to me  …  all you do is lie .

you don’t have to be nice to everybody .

don’t tell me what to do .

pull your head out of the past .

nobody can help me .  i can’t even help me .

we are not talking about that right now .

are you new around here ?

you have no idea what you’re starting .

i’m gonna get us out of here .

whatever you came here to say ,  i don’t want to hear it .

everyone’s staring at us .

is there anything i can do to help ?

i won’t cause you any more trouble .

– just follow my instructions for once !

do you want to come in ?

i just didn’t know what to do .

you need rest ,  lie down .

i’m not who you think i am .

i don’t know what you want me to say .

you’re not like anyone else i’ve ever met .

i feel like i’m going insane .

stop asking ,  you’re not going to like my answer .

i didn’t want you to see me any differently .

i wish i knew what to say to you .

don’t give me that look ,  you know what i mean .

you should be afraid .

do you still love me ?

i never thought i’d get this far .

the world doesn’t revolve around you .

i need you to give me some space .

i know what you’re doing ,  don’t play games .

you left me to die .

i’m beyond repentance .

when are you going to get it through your head ?

i missed you more than i thought i would .

i’m in love with you .

what do you need from me ?

i’ll kill them ,   just say the word .

[ name ] ,   what are you doing here ?

how can i help ?

you’re pathetic .

i need you to come pick me up .

where have you been ?  it’s eleven o’clock .

i couldn’t live with myself if i let you get hurt .

i can’t just pretend it didn’t happen .

you’re a real piece of work .

do you remember how we first met ?

when did all of this fall apart ?

that’s not what i came here for .

i would do anything for you .

i don’t need you to hold my hand through this .

are you sure this is the right thing to do ?

can’t we try to pretend things are okay ?

what is THAT supposed to mean ?

you’re always late ,  what am i supposed to think ?

there’s nothing you can do to fix this .

you’re far too kind to me .

can we go now ?  like ,  right now ?

i have to do this alone .

where’s your common sense ?

we aren’t supposed to be in here .

can you feel my heartbeat ?

i think i’ve seen you around before .

why are you acting weird ?

i have a really bad feeling .

i hate seeing you like this .

how am i supposed to react to that ?

what do you want most in the world ?

[promachoia2]

‘    τραγωδία    ’ . . . the tragic hero is complete. you can call him unhappy ( miserable, utterly broken ) even before he is dead. for an instant he is something like divine. and then he dies, because there's nothing left to do. the center of every tragedy is the image of a human being who has already died but keeps talking, someone whose face is a mask. / a very private & selective plot-driven divinity based original muse. [with exploration in the themes of the prodigal son, shedding the corporal form, came back wrong, consumption and being consumed, etc.] by mel. ©

[promachoia2]

28.     five most recent sent text messages 

A  PEAK  AT  WHAT’S  INSIDE  THEIR          .    .    .

28. FIVE MOST RECENT SENT TEXT MESSAGES.

( ✉️   𝚜𝚖𝚜   ;   𝚍𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐   ;   𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 ) :   maze and i had a lovely conversation this morning when i stopped by the club.     do you want to tell me,  yourself,  what happened last night ?     or should i believe maze's version of events ?

(   ✉️   𝚜𝚖𝚜   ;   𝚌𝚑𝚕𝚘𝚎 𝚍𝚎𝚌𝚔𝚎𝚛𝟸   ;   𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 ) :   dan's at the scene on mulholland.     i'm on my way.     i'll let you know when i get there.

(   ✉️   𝚜𝚖𝚜   ;   𝚔𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚢𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚍   ;   𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 ) :   i emailed his agent.     email him again and tell him that they can find another publishing house if his client refuses to contact a sensitivity reader for their manuscript.     let me know if he's still being uncooperative,  and i'll handle it.

(   ✉️   𝚜𝚖𝚜   ;   𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚒𝚚𝚞𝚎 𝚎𝚟𝚊𝚗𝚜𝟹   ;   𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 ) :   oh,  you’re being serious ?     i adore you,  mona,  but ii haven’t even thought about chapters 5 and 6.     give me a month or two.     maybe three.     promise i’ll make it worth the wait.     we’ll do dinner later this week,  yeah ?     everything’s on me.

(   ✉️   𝚜𝚖𝚜   ;   𝚕𝚞𝚌𝚒𝚏𝚎𝚛   ;   𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝 ) :   are you and chloe having one of your skirmishes again ?     i'm not playing switzerland this time,  luci.     oh,  and i need my shoes back.     the tom ford pair.     you know which ones.

[promachoia2]

28, 15 & 13

A  PEAK  AT  WHAT’S  INSIDE  THEIR          .    .    .

28. FIVE MOST RECENT SENT TEXT MESSAGES.

answered here !

13. TO-DO LIST.

now,  despite being old as dirt and remembering events dating back centuries,  henry is terrible at remembering easy tasks.     hence,  the to-do list.     it's never empty.     there's always a task on it,  one usually replacing another.     he writes out two of the same list.     one version gets magnified to the refridgerator door,  and the other remains pinned on the bulletin board in his office at home.     here's the current list !

START chapter 5.

clean off the living room table.

finish that crossword puzzle from 3 weeks ago.

DO grocery shopping.

take dahlia’s car to the shop.

reply to kingsley’s agent.

DO. AND. FOLD. LAUNDRY.

clean. just clean. everywhere.

START editing chapter 1 of E.R.’s manuscript.

15. BOOKCASE.

if i tried to name every book on henry’s multiple shelves,  we’d be here for years !     but here are a few of his favorites !

yellowface by r.f. kuang, the secret history by donna tartt, american psycho by bret easton ellis, crush by richard siken, on earth we're briefly gorgeous by ocean vuong, strangers on a train by patricia highsmith, the haunting of hill house by shirley jackson, the count of monte cristo by alexandre dumas, hamlet by shakespeare, papillon by henri charrière, and pride and prejudice by jane austen

[promachoia2]

25.     five most recent in google search history. 

A  PEAK  AT  WHAT’S  INSIDE  THEIR          .    .    .

25. FIVE MOST RECENT IN GOOGLE SEARCH HISTORY.

nothing spicy to note but a little funny ones.

flights from jfk international to lax

last sunday's nyt crossword answer to 15 across

the cheesecake factory brown bread recipe

pizza restaurants open near me (searched @ 2 AM)

how to remove blood stains