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@perfectionreached
#𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐃: is a semi selective medium activity indie 𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐀 𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐑 from showtime's 𝒀𝑬𝑳𝑳𝑶𝑾𝑱𝑨𝑪𝑲𝑬𝑻𝑺. a mixture of headcanon and canon based. primarily set during the adult timeline. written by maddie ( she / her, 25, est )
carrd. graphics credit. playlist.
#MOSTMISERABLE - a blog for carol sturka from the show pluribus. writes both pre show and during. low activity. also open to write on discord. mature themes will be present. written by maddie, 25, she/her, est timezone.
Tell me this isn't all just an excuse to get in my pants. Oh, it is. Mm-hmm. Everything is.
YELLOWJACKETS 3.05 — Did Tai Do That?
❝ NAH, 'COURSE NOT, TAI. IT'S NEVER ABOUT YOU, RIGHT? Not until ya want it to be. Jesus, fuck… ❞ hands fold into the creases of her hair, fingers scrunching with a tight grip while exhaling out a heavy sigh of frustration. This really wasn't about Taissa, not entirely. But it still warrants irritation as she stands her ground, enough to stand a few inches away from the other with a direct finger pointed at her.
❝ Don't you see what you're doing? You're helping to victimize her when she's the one in the wrong. Shauna. You're letting her get away in thinking she's in the right and in control when it doesn't have to fucking be that way. At least I own up to my shit. I'm not helping her to help her; I want answers. She just wants to save her own ass and she's dragging you down with her. Open your fucking eyes, Tai! She's not your fucking friend. She's no one's friend. Let's not forget what she did to her own ride or die. You're nothing. We're nothing, to her and I don't want to see you or anyone else fall because of her. ❞
taissa's loyalty to shauna was a given. if she's being honest, maybe she gives her friend too much grace. it could be the fact that she doesn't remember much of what happened out in those woods, or maybe she just relates to shauna too much. both of them stuck in a messed up marriage with children whose lives they were messing up. she has to believe that this was all a mistake, as much as she thinks it was all unbelievability stupid for shauna to kill adam in the first place.
she finds it interesting how natalie and shauna talk about each other in the same way to taissa, both warning against the other taking advantage of her help. she eyes the finger being pointed at her, feeling stubbornness move through her veins. "it's not the ideal way that i wanted all of this to go down. do you think i wanted her to kill him? fuck, nat. we don't know what this guy could have been capable of, you really think she would lie about being attacked?" but then again, they both know what she's capable of too. they always have deep down. she sighs, shaking her head. "it happened. someone fucking died. i care about making sure that nobody finds out, that's it. i'm not praising shauna's every move."
SUPPLICATION CARESSES DELICATE EARDRUMS ; the extreme need to wrap arms around lithe frame & comfort the one sobbing – to wipe away the tears that they had caused – it pains them. more than any scar , more than any cut or wound ; more than the very feeling of drowning in their own blood. no. none of it compared to the deep seated anguish that hit them so easily now.
they weren’t done.
& yet , death had once again visited & finally dragged them where they knew they’d belonged for so long ; since before the cancer , before the wolves – that damned fucking plane crash. they’d meant to die in that fire – & still the universe – IT didn’t allow them. they should be grateful for the extension into livelihood . . . then why did it all hurt so much ?
what was the point of giving them e v e r y t h i n g they ever wanted – only to rip it all away.
a rare softness crawls to the scarred features , intricate digits gently brushing over the soft , alive skin of the other’s cheek ; thumb attempts to paint the tears away. ❛ c’mon , tai. y’know that’s not how this works – not this time. ❜
not this time . . .
❛ guess you were right – back then. this wasn’t gonna last. don’t worry though , plenty of other pretty girls out there. ❜ ghostly fingers slowly begin to pull away – knowing this would just prolong her pain. the teasing feels . . . strained , so does the smile. ❛ you don’t need me anymore. trust me. ❜
it's the way that this is all happening that makes her feel as if she's eighteen again. that same teenager who was terrified of what other people would think of her. who relished in being able to be completely herself during the worst situation she had ever gone through. looking into the eyes of the exact face that she had broken the heart of - because of her own fear. oh, it was awful.
how many more years could they have had together if taissa hadn't been so ashamed? if van hadn't been alone, could they have caught the cancer sooner? it was useless thinking of ways it could have been different. she just knows that the love of life was gone and it could have been avoided.
the feeling of fingers brushing her cheek almost cause her to breakdown even more, wanting nothing more then all of this to be a dream. maybe she'd wake up and there van would be - healthy and alive. they'd crack a joke and taissa would act annoyed, secretly loving every minute of it. but this felt more real then she wanted it to.
her heart drops at van's words, knowing deep down she deserved that. she had been so wrapped in her own ambitions, she thought it what was better for the both of them. but she regretted it the moment it happened. taissa clears her throat, taking a deep breath. "you know none of them are you." and they never were, even before they had gotten back together. "i never got to tell you that i'm sorry. for leaving. it was the worst mistake i've ever made."
Death was as common to them as breathing was. At least it had been that way once upon a time. But they weren't girls in those woods anymore, no, they were adults and home. Where nothing bad was supposed to happen. And this was Van of all people! So even the idea of them dying because of cancer left the blonde teetering on the edge of denial. Because it didn't matter if she had the knowledge, knew that people who reached stage four of any cancer, their odds were not favorable to surviving it. Because it was Van Palmer.
And she was dealing with the Taissa Turner who would not fare well if this was it for the redhead. Even though she said I don't know—it was true though because it'd been so long since she'd even thought about It—she knew she had to will it into existence. If they ( they were in this together, just like they were out there ) had to kill another person, so be it. Misty wasn't above taking a life and neither was Taissa, especially if it meant helping Van. She would at least be able to use her credentials to find the right people, those that deserved it or otherwise were not long for this world.
With arms wrapped around her tall frame, the nurse is surprised that she's allowed to hug her. That she wasn't shoved away or told to let go. It just showed how serious the situation was and how much Tai was hurting in this moment. So she kept her arms around her, head resting against shoulder as she breathed evenly, hoping it would aid in calming her. "We'll figure it out, okay? Together," she assured her, hand rubbing along her back.
Misty wasn't sure if she should tell her about the procedure, that all the doctors could do now was make Van comfortable. So she refrains from doing so, focusing on the mentioning of It. "It's been two decades, Tai," she sighed softly, pulling back to look up at her, arms remaining around her. "We stopped serving It when we left. Maybe...maybe It's been needing..." words trailed off as a nurse walked by, the blonde waiting until they were alone again, "sacrifices all this time or when Van first started showing symptoms. I don't know. Lottie's the only one who would know..." The last bit was said with sadness, speaking of the other woman in past tense still fresh and raw.
worst case scenario was all her brain could replay. what if van died while taissa and misty were standing in the hallway? what if it only needed one more body and they were wasting time? would any of this would have happened if taissa had found van sooner? if they had never left each other's side. maybe the illness was some kind of punishment, from back then. what could taissa had done differently?
van palmer couldn't die. out of all of them, not one of them had evaded death more times then the redhead. maybe it was selfish, but taissa hadn't been this happy in such a long time. she felt like her life was finally making sense. to think that it could all just go away just like that - she couldn't let that happen.
even with the hug, there's a part of taissa that feels the need to run. to refuse any and all help and instantly be reckless. but the way misty is acting is so gentle and giving that she can't help but melt into it as well. it wasn't like they always had the most loving friendship, but she could tell that coming from the blonde this was genuine.
there's a sadness in her eyes as she listens to misty speak, thinking about how even when she did visit lottie to talk about everything, she didn't even receive any answers. her old friend spoke in riddles and that didn't change even before her death. taissa focuses on the feeling of misty's arms, almost feeling a grounding sensation. "it was foolish to think we could ever leave it."
but she had wanted to. the moment they had gotten back home, taissa wanted to leave it behind. she was determined and so sure that she could be the one to do it. now it felt like they were back where they started and she's not sure what she did wrong. was it punishment for what they had done, or had she gotten too comfortable? "you know what lottie would have wanted us to do." her voice lowers, whispering. "it's the only way. we're getting van out of here, alive."
Tai is so serious. It's one of the things that she loves most about the other woman, even as frustrating as she can be sometimes. She used to think about the way frown lines would crease her forehead whenever she was working on a problem. Maybe it was because she'd fallen in love with Tai out there, where problems seemed to be around every corner. She loved all of her, worry lines and all.
Yet seeing them now gives her pause, because this is a problem that Taissa can't fix, no matter how much she may want to. It was one of the many reasons she had put off telling her for so long, and she hates seeing what it does to her. She had waited for decades to be here, for Tai to say such things to her, but there was something unnerving laying just under those words because she knows what it means.
Anything. Anything was a heavy word, and Van has never stopped struggling under the weight of the things they did out there, when anything truly meant anything. "You getting all weepy on me, lady?" she chides playfully, tugging Tai's hand to pull her close, a distraction from those dark memories. "It's like you said, I'm here." Now, and present. "Stop looking ahead and stay in this moment with me." She looks up at Tai, eyes soft in her earnestness. "Please."
it's hard to live in the moment when she knows that there could be limited time. it was true that taissa wanted to fix everything. she always wanted to find a reason to why things were the way they were. then she'd get trapped in a cycle - trying to understand it, trying to fix it. over and over again. she thinks she's found an answer to van's illness and that's all she can focus on.
but deep down she knows that the ginger is right. she should be enjoying the moments they have, but it's heavy on her brain. she's desperate - clawing at the concept of the wilderness more then she ever had. taissa hadn't even had as much faith back in the woods, but the thought of losing van was too much to handle. not after she had just gotten her back.
a sad smile crosses her face, hoping that there weren't any hidden tears in her eyes. "i guess you just have that effect on me, palmer." van did, she didn't know of any other person who she was so open to about her emotions, but the other was special. she squeezes her hand, finding comfort in just how close they were. "i know. i know." taissa was still grateful, knowing that she had the love of her life back, even just for now. "i'm present. i'm here with you. what more could i ask for?"
❝ YEAH, I THINK YOU'VE GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD. So much time in fact that I'm sitting here trying to waste it all since I've got nothing better to do. This is all just shits and giggles to me. Take a breather? Are you fucking kidding me, right now? Grow up. I could easily just walk the fuck away right now but I'm at least doing what I can to save your ass even still. Both of us can just walk free without any more blood on our hands, why are we even entertaining this fucking shit show, huh? ❞
"i think you're forgetting the fact that none of this is my fault. shauna needed our help and last time i checked - you didn't have to be here if you didn't want to be." does she still even completely believe that it was self defense? debatable. but they were both apart of it now, whether they liked it or not. "i shared a concern, that maybe misty could still miss something and they'd find the body. you know who that would be bad for? the person running for office. i want this to be over as much as you do, trust me. i just don't think that now is the time to turn to ideas without thinking - that's why we're in this mess."
continued from here / @scatcrccio
eyes narrow as the other speaks, an exasperated groan as she throws arms up in the air. "i'm just saying. minute we start not having an actual plan is the minute things go south. do you think i have time for that right now?" taissa is calculated, to a fault. the thought of just going haywire and doing whatever reminds her of the woods and reminds her of not being in control. "take a fucking breather, natalie."
@misquigley: [PRESS] The sender presses their lips firmly against the receiver's, silencing them.
it wasn't lost on her that misty and taissa finding comfort in each other was always sparked by something bad happening with van and taissa. they'd been spending more time together again, this time with a task in mind. every conversation was fueled by a determination - a hatred. they had both lost the loves of their lives within such a short span of each other and it was clear to both of them who was to blame. it turns out bonding over mutual revenge takes away some of the tension that was keeping them apart all of these years.
she's thankful for the company though. it wasn't like she had anyone else, much less anybody who would understand on such a deeper level. taissa had invited misty over, unable to be alone in the house anymore. it felt so empty and so stagnant without the ginger - she just couldn't handle it. this wasn't like the times in previous years that taissa had invited her over, there was no extra motive. just a need to have someone there.
this night was a particularly unbearable night, her anger and sadness bubbling up more then usual. maybe it was her lack of sleep again. or maybe she just reached a breaking point. misty had offered to stay the night with her and she had agreed, almost too tired to really care or act like she was fine. it was interesting what grief had done to her - she had become almost a shell of herself, still determined and straightforward but so very heartbroken.
misty let her vent. she let her be angry. it was almost like it was therapeutic for the both of them. they'd go over the details, what they could have done different on both of their ends. what could have happened if they had never stayed in touch with shauna or gone to lottie's compound as a group. it's the same breakdown of events that happened every time they hung out, but this time while taissa is in the middle of emotionally speaking, misty starts leaning in.
she doesn't pull away when lips touch, arms coming to desperately wrap around the other. it wasn't like any of their other kisses all of those years ago, but now it held an extra weight, as if this was a different type of comfort - one built off newfound appreciation and history.
TAWNY CYPRESS as TAISSA TURNER YELLOWJACKETS 3.10 "Full Circle"
Everything happened for a reason, right? Nothing happened just because or else what was the point behind anything? Those were the questions that passed through her mind in those last few minutes. Before the curtain fell and her life came to an end. It reminded her of the night the wolves attacked when they'd gone in search of help. The piercing grip of teeth sinking into flesh was mirrored in the way cold steel of the knife sunk into her chest. Except this time, Taissa, Misty, and the others weren't there to fight the wolves off. No, no one had saved her this time.
And apparently that's how it was supposed to go. They still weren't too sure what their younger self had meant by it all. They wished they had revealed what the bigger picture was, what the whole fucking purpose of them surviving the plane crash, the wolves, literally all of it just to grow up and wind up with cancer. Which should have killed them, but no. Their friend, who they had mourned because she was supposed to be dead, killed her. Deep down, Van knew that both of them wouldn't be allowed to live. That it was kill or be killed, but that didn't make it suck any less.
Because it did. It sucked ass! They thought maybe they'd go spend whatever days or weeks they had left with the love of their life. Maybe on a beach, in a fancy hotel overlooking the ocean, or at home with Taissa. It didn't matter so long as she wasn't alone in the end. But she had been, however, that hadn't been the shittiest part of it. No. What sucked the most was the fact that she had spent so long not with her girl. That it had been the other one, the one who deep down terrified the living shit out of her and had for quite sometime. And she was stupid to not have noticed sooner, to have gone as long as she had not realizing it wasn't really Tai.
Not until that day. Moments before her curtain call came. Because all it took was one look into those eyes she loved the most. She saw her girl looking back at her for the first time in whoever the hell knew how long. And even though she knew there was always going to be one last look, one last kiss, and one last I love you, she hadn't thought it'd be that day.
However, since there wasn't exactly a fucking guide book on what to expect when the end came, their lasts weren't really their lasts. Maybe in a physical since, yes, but when Taissa came into view, their home, eyes watered as a sad smile slipped into place. "I know, baby..." they whispered, arm draped along the back of the couch, head tilted to look at her, finding this moment so strange yet so familiar. "And you better miss me. Forever and ever," they joked, half chuckle mixed with a sigh leaving them.
"I am. I always will be. No matter what...wherever you go...I'll always be right here..." Van whispered, arm falling from the couch so hand could come hover over the others chest. "But hey...maybe we can have our Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze Ghost moment now, huh? Think we can figure this whole...ghost thing out."
she hadn't let herself think too much about what would happen if van actually died. whenever she got too close, it was easy to just assume that she'd be right there by van's side until the end. last words and last glances would be the other's very last. but she had missed it. van had saved her life - she was selfless and that ended up being her downfall.
taissa often wondered what would have happened if she would have taken van's words, of staying put, and would have followed her anyways. she still doesn't know what had happened between van and melissa and she wonders if she never would. she just knows that it wasn't fair. the yellowjackets didn't get to be lucky, they often didn't deserve things to be fair, but she had hoped that she would have more time. as herself.
she had so many regrets. she had been the one to cut their time together short in the first place all of those years ago. then she had thrown herself back in van's life, a whirlwind of trying to fix everything all at once. now she was back where she started and they were gone. in this moment, she doesn't even care if the ghost besides her was real or not. even just seeing van's face was enough to cause a waterfall of tears, hands quickly coming up to wipe them away.
a light chuckle at van's jokes, a feeling of complete fondness washing over her. only the redhead would instantly crack a joke and reference a movie after dying. that was something that she knew she'd miss - how much of a complete nerd they were. she decides to humor her, taking a small deep breath to compose herself. "god, i bet you've been waiting for us to have a moment like that. babe, we can be whatever ghost media you wish."
taissa's staring at van, taking in features as if this will be the last ever time they see each other. she doesn't know how ghost rules work, in any other situation she'd just claim she hadn't gotten enough sleep.(which she probably didn't anyways) one more wipe of her tears off her face, wishing so badly she could be cool and chill. that she could be the taissa that knew how to control herself and her emotions. but she could never be that way in front of van. not ever.
"i should have gone after you," she says simply, the weight of how real it was hitting her heart again. "if shauna was right about anything, melissa is dangerous. i could have saved you." it was like the wolf attack, if only taissa had been faster and more aware. everything could have been different. "you brought me back to myself and now you're gone. how fucking tragic is that."
it was strange -- jackie had such conflicting emotions about their situation and, more than that, her own. no longer was she listened to and obeyed by her clapping her hands, no longer could situations be handled by saying NICE THINGS to each other. it wasn't high school out here... she had no skills to offer and, up until recently, barely any will to survive. but she was jackie taylor and even if she was no longer the captain of their team, she had to be her OWN captain. how would she treat a team member who wanted to give up? what would she say to them to encourage them to better themselves? she had to start with her. and she's been... trying.
but she was also human and stepping down from her leadership role was easier said than done -- she still felt a responsibility to check on everyone, to make sure nobody was absolutely losing their minds (which... woof. not looking good there.) and to cheer them up if she was able. tai was a tough nut to crack, she always has been. type a to a point where jackie simply couldn't keep up or catch her breath with an intensity that both terrified and made jackie PROUD to be able to share space with her.
there was a roll of her eyes at the other's comment, mostly playful with just a tinge of hurt. not a lot of honesty had been going around, that was for sure... but while jackie had her FAULTS, she did her her integrity. and while some people might be liars, she was going to do her best to stick to honesty and optimism. god knew they all needed it. "of course van worries -- we all do. and van likes you, like... a LOT. like has looney tunes hearts-for-eyes when they look at you," she couldn't help but tease, nudging the other with an elbow. "one piece. not dead. the bar is on the floor, tai." the smallest of laughs -- honestly, the bare minimum was more than any of them could hope for.
"it's weird, but like -- you're kind of THRIVING. minus the sleep stuff. you've really stepped up out here... more than i did, which i guess isn't really saying much." a weaker smile, a weaker chuckle. her pride had been wounded enough since they landed that she was wondering if she even had any left. "i also... i don't know. lottie's been getting a little WEIRD and it's starting to worry me. so van being worried about YOU and us worrying about her... i just gotta make sure you're doing okay since, like, you seem to be one of the only voices of reason right now."
in a way, jackie was right. she was thriving out here besides the sleepwalking. taissa was able to be open about her and van being together. people listened to her. they looked to her. it was all she had ever wanted. to be respected and taken seriously in every aspect of her life. there's a part of her that had a fear that it wouldn't be like this when and if they got home, but that was something she could worry about later.
she laughed at the comment about van having hearts for eyes for taissa, a butterfly - like feeling in her stomach. taissa never could get used to how true that was. she did know that van worried, but in equal levels she worried about them, too. "i know. i don't know what i'd do without them." if she was being honest, being around van was the only reason why she even seemed sane at all. it was like they brought taissa back down to earth, every single time. "but there isn't anything to worry about. van's helping with the sleepwalking anyways and you know they're determined."
she had noticed the way that they had switched roles, but she wasn't willing to boast about it. not when it did seem like it affected jackie in a way. "you tried your best." it's a simple statement, knowing that maybe the other woman just wasn't cut out for this type of leadership. not everyone was. "i just ... i don't know. none of us knows what we're doing." she sighs at the lottie comment, knowing that jackie just opened a can of worms. "the cult of lottie just leads me to believe that nobody can think for themselves, but don't mention that to the others." especially not to van, who taissa worried the most about. "i'll be doing better if we stop believing in the trees and shit. we need a concrete plan and it doesn't look like that's in the cards."
YOU ALWAYS HAVE . . . there’s silence , aside from the choking that’s slowly dying out. it’s too late. iron fills lungs , substituting the air that no longer passes through. it’s hard to breathe. it’s hard to see. she’s the last thing there before the darkness ecompasses them , bringing them into that dreaded plane.
❛ i’m not done. ❜ come the sharp hiss of the elder one , glaring at their younger self. ❛ i need to see her. one last time. ❜
❛ do you believe in ghost stories ? ❜ comes the absent reply of the younger one. hues are glued to the television , watching as the light drains from their once joyful eyes. it’s better this way. no more suffering. then @perfectionreached's voice hits , & even the younger chokes up.
❛ all i want is to save you. ❜
their throats are raw , the anger beginning to settle at the unfairness of it all. after everything they’d been through ? ! this was how it ended ?
the plane is gone in a flash , the younger version of the goalie standing beside the woman they loved for so long. soft hand settles on tai’s shoulder. it’s too soon for her. they can’t drag her down with them. not yet. eventually. it would be her turn.
❛ you’re gonna be fine. ❜ words break the silence , though no lips move. not of the living anyway. ❛ who ever needed your saving anyway ? ❜ they tease with a final squeeze , smile softly lifting to lips.
she hadn't felt so present in her own body in months. yet, finding the love of her life laying lifeless on the ground causes a shock that moves throughout her whole body. taissa could have done more, she should have. she knows she tried - the worst parts of her had. now she has nothing to show for it.
tears flow as she speaks, head bowing to hold the woman in front of her closer. they weren't supposed to go out like this. how many times had van almost died? it almost became a joke between them, that they would live forever. but that just wasn't her reality anymore. taissa could never accept that.
the feeling of a hand on her shoulder causes a slight jump, assuming at first that it's shauna. but deep down she knows it's not - her old friend was probably thinking of the best way to run after melissa. god, she regretted leaving that hospital. none of this would have --- the voice snaps her out of her thoughts, head turning to look at the source.
it was a face she hadn't seen in decades. the very one that she'd fallen in love with all of those years ago at school. taissa can hardly get any words out, tears clouding her vision to the point where she thinks she's just seeing things. none of this was real. but then she slowly places the body of the elder version of van down, turning completely to face the other. "i'm not." she manages to croak out. "i'm not gonna be fine."
taissa's stubbornness was always a constant, but admitting that she wasn't okay was something she only ever afforded van. there was so many sides to her that only they saw and now... who could she be herself around to this degree? "i need you to come back...i just...i can't do this. not without you."
"I love you. That's all that matters." ( from van / @darkconsumed )
seeing things and people who weren't actually there wasn't a new thing for taissa, but seeing van in front of her is enough to bring her to tears. she'd only buried her body a few hours prior, pieces of her lover's heart still circulating throughout her body. taissa had gone home, not realizing how much seeing the remains of the love of her life would affect her emotionally. maybe she assumed that it wouldn't - that she could just be cold and unaffected. but she wasn't, not in the slightest.
everything felt like her. the movie collection that van had dug through boxes for after claiming offense to the fact that taissa had never seen them was still sitting on the coffee table. (they'd only gotten to finish one) van's favorite foods were still in the fridge and her clothes were scattered across their bedroom and in unfolded laundry baskets. the house was back to being empty. she was back to being alone.
cleaning things up felt wrong so she didn't. not yet. the messes that were left were supposed to be there and taissa would deal with it when she was ready. she felt more of anger more then anything else, holding herself back from calling her former best friend in a fit of rage. this wasn't supposed to happen, none of it was. so instead she just sits on the couch, debating if she can watch a movie in van's memory. she doesn't even have time to really think about it until she hears an all too familiar voice that moves her out of her thoughts.
there van is, sitting directly next to her on the couch. as if it was just another night. she half expects to blink and for the figure to be gone, but she does and nothing changes. "i miss you." she almost whispers, her voice catching in her throat. what matters was that she would do anything to see van again and that wouldn't ever not be her goal. a shaky hand moves closer towards the ginger, wishing so deeply that this was real. "you should be here."
the dreaded high-school reunion, fertile ground for getting drunk off cheap wine and reliving the golden years. it's hardly van's scene, and yet here they are — nursing a beer and making small talk with people they don't really remember, asking about kids and partners they don't really give a shit about, and contemplating a swift exit before the slideshow starts.
they’re still trapped in conversation with a red-faced randy walsh when the doors open and, in a pretty frightening homage to mean girls (2004), the remaining yellowjackets make their entrance.
it's been a long time. decades, in fact. but nothing's changed. and it occurs to them suddenly that maybe that's the reason people do this. not to rehash vintage high-school drama or congratulate themselves on how far they've come since the turn of the century — which, yeah, no shit.
maybe people want to know they're still the same. that they've still got time.
so when taissa approaches, they don't back down or turn their back to her. they raise their lukewarm bud light in a half-cheers and make room at the bar, ignoring the way their pulse jumps at the scent of her perfume.
" oh, she is, " they say with a tight smile. " and to think all these years, i had no idea we were such great friends. "
it was weird, being in the same space again. it doesn't really hit taissa until she hears van respond. it was almost like that made everything feel more real. she couldn't hide from the mistakes she'd made, when the biggest one (which had always been letting van go) was right in front of her. they still looked the same, but with more life experience. taissa wonders if they'd come here with anybody, eyes darting to make sure there wasn't anybody who looked like they were their plus one.
it's not like she should care, anyways. but she was nosy, always wanting to insert herself in other people's business. it's not lost on her that she's the one who is married - it's like a constant mantra that she has to repeat in her head. memories of van were kept away in a box inside of her head and she had refused to even think about it. she couldn't think about what happened.
she laughs, her tone professional and almost timid in a way. she's careful with her words, knowing deep down that she has no right to be nostalgic about any of this. "you know, she would have loved if we referred to her as such. even now." which is strange to taissa, knowing that she was the one who broke her leg all of those years ago. but then again, that saved her life. it seemed like all allie cared about was pretending like she was one of them anyways. taissa doesn't exactly understand that part.
"are you going to stick around?" she ponders, those feelings in her heart bubbling up again. "for the slideshow, i mean." her voice lowers, moving her face a bit closer to whisper. "there's an extra seat at our table. it's better then being stuck talking to randy walsh." it was easy to just talk to them like an old friend in public, that's all their surrounding classmates knew they were to eachother anyways.
just remembered that they made a whole big deal abt tai seeing lottie before her death only to never include a scene of it ... yj writers and not using taissa to her full potential when she's a main character will be the death of me
