jerking off to your memory

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[proselytute]

I have reached my physical peak and I am still trash

[proselytute]

spent the past 2 days sitting in my room staring at my screen making this waiting out my full body rash

[proselytute]

don’t hook up with me unless you want to talk about your childhood xox

[proselytute]

I still have domestic suburban heterosexual dreams

me on me

[proselytute]

Once I’ve successfully alienated all my friends ...

[proselytute]

[proselytute]

Today I mourn the death of my identity

[proselytute]

suffer yourself

[proselytute]

I just want to not cry every night I just want to feel okay in my own body I just want to not have obsessive thoughts I just want to be free and light I just want to be able to focus I just want to be not worried for my mental health I just want to be healthy and clean I just want to not make a fool of myself

[proselytute]

it was not the yearning I sought, it was the glistening glow still in me

and now I can’t breathe the weight found me again, heavier than ever before

the crushing weight of confusion in what I seek, what I desire

what I wanted, to see old things in new ways

but suddenly everything is ugly and broken

[proselytute]

is this the yearning I seek?

is it here? has it returned, or are these the ramblings of a madman in the making is this being present? then why do I feel so far away

just maybe, interest and desire have returned for a second but why do I feel so far away

far away in the past? turn me on because I’m better equipped to handle the weight

I smell teenage years, idealisms, and naïvety

in the realm of the senses, the physical realm I occupy hold on and go forward with whatever I choose to focus on

and in a moment I feel great; a rush of smell memories fill my skull in another, something changes - but stays the same

Never quite the person I want to be, but maybe now I’m detached but present

I want to be more than human

[proselytute]

developing a purely physical compartment of desire

[proselytute]

[proselytute]

我未試過有愛情 沒有相互好處

你問候我 我看著你的眼睛 我開了我的心給你 但看見只有空白 你掉轉頭走開

生活不是無謂， 如果你有受苦

我不會再試找愛情 現在我想像的未來輕了一點儿

[proselytute]

incommunicable emotions, even to the self

[proselytute]

forget your body

[proselytute]

I am still not beautiful