gigi

🐁

[protocolsu]

This morning I felt like writing

I've spent most of my childhood living in fantasy, worlds within worlds that I created. I suppose it was to protect my mind from my surroundings. I nestled myself into that cocoon; the crystallization threatened to overgrow my body. This maladaptive daydreaming consumed me; I spent most of my childhood up to my teens isolated and rather scared of the world. Everyone and everything had thorns. Unfamiliarity with my own body, unfamiliarity with reality. I've become a lot more connected; I'm sure a thorn or two exists, possibly protruding from my skin, begrudgingly.

[protocolsu]

One of my favorite looks

[protocolsu]

[escuerzoresucitado]

[protocolsu]

Thesweetestkindofevil

[protocolsu]

I will be consumed by pho

[protocolsu]

[protocolsu]

There, that feeling bubbling in the bellows of my gut. Threatening to slam me into the Earth. I can't tell if it's instinct? Like I'm created to self-destruct. I don't know anything, thus I have no grasp of control. Fall into it, they say, trust the descent. But what they call surrender feels like consent to my own unmaking, a yielding not to depth, but to erasure.

[pmd9toybox]

[protocolsu]

Cicada root

The first dream I can remember was of my Grandmother dying in a car accident. In it, I watched over her, looming. I feared that the dream would come to fruition. I was told that if I thought about something hard enough, long enough, I could manifest it into reality. I still believe this. On my worst days, my inability to prevent the negative from poisoning my mind frustrates me into tears.

[protocolsu]

Drawing of something I'll probably never finish

[protocolsu]

I wish to abandon my body like a butterfly undergoing Chrysalis. Though I've been told I would be a moth.

[3mabel]

[inthemuckandthemire]

[protocolsu]

My dreams consist of black and moss green body's of water; Grey hounds trying to play with sea animals. I'm always watching on a long deck that connects to nothing.

[protocolsu]

[protocolsu]

Sometime last Summer, again.