Prtty Wrds Cn Soothe A Sad Mnd

Tell me, please;because I've forgotten what I'm living for baby

[kosmogrl]

"you need to let it go" that would be really cool, unfortunately I'll take it with me to the grave

[prttywrdscnsootheasadmnd]

It’s funny how life works. Sometimes the past pops into your head and sometimes you run straight into that past itself.

At Target. In a whole other state.

Worst part is I can’t seem to shake it. Weeks have gone by and I should have forgotten about it. It’s still there, showing up everyday in fleeting thoughts.

[valentina-poem]

[snakeater-deactivated20260130]

you may think it’s no big deal but every sweet interaction is actually the most important thing in the world. sooo. take that

[heartcountry]

take a flight. become half daughter. fall in something that is like love but decidedly not. change your mind. change your friends. wait for the 17 year old version of yourself to come back to life. keep waiting. throw her a funeral. keep the guestlist short. only invite the dead. ruin your own birthday. keep them at a distance. keep the pictures under the bed. travel and arrive at the truth that you’re somewhere even you can’t find. sit in the backseat of the car like you did when you were younger. look for the familiar trees. they are still alive somewhere. it’s you who arrived in the wrong place.

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

Richard siken / dave eggers

[prttywrdscnsootheasadmnd]

LQ

I still fucking miss you. At the end of the day, no matter how hard I try, I cannot find someone like you. I still think about you all the time. I still talk about you. I’m sick of it. I want to let that shit go but I fucking can’t because you were the best friend I ever had. You made me laugh until I cried. You dried my tears a million times. You always spoke the truth without fear. You were trust worthy. You. Were. The. Best. Friend. I’ve. Ever. Had.

So fuck you and fuck me for not being able to let go two years later.

[sad-old-soul]

If I could stop living right this second without hurting anyone I’d fucking do that shit

[inkskinned]

the thing that gets you sometimes is the frustration. for every time someone else sees you being late, losing something, forgetting something important: there are hours in your day dedicated to it.

you have strange, fae-like rituals. the keys have to go in their special bowl, because if you forget even once, they will be gone forever. you stack items on a stool in front of your door so that you can't leave without touching them. you can't take your wallet out of your bag, ever, it will simply fade away.

everything has to be written down. everything, everything. whatever you need to do, you need to do it now. you check and re-check the busmap only to still get lost on the same route you've always taken home. you start getting ready to go 3 hours early and still end up 15 minutes late, unsure even of where the time has gone. don't sit down, there's something strange about your bed or the couch or the floor - once you sit down, you'll get stuck.

you are very used to operating without instructions. people say you're good at winging it but really you've never really known where the rules are coming from. you have to live in constant strange anticipation - when your brain does fail you, how can you predict every horrible outcome. maybe today you will have a minor curse, and forget to brush your teeth. or maybe today you will wake up - and no matter what you do, your whole body begs to return you back to sleep. maybe today you will break a glass and then just stand there, surrounded by the shards, frozen in place - because you need to go to the bathroom, but you also need to sweep.

and everyone else seems to have gotten the memo, and it's easy for them, and it never, ever gets easy for you. make plans and keep them. they roll their eyes when you say sorry it's too messy we can't go over to my apartment. they ask why did you leave something so big until the last minute. on instagram, your friend makes a reel where she says if they cared, they would change. they literally do not care. someone says it's a symptom, and in the comments, all they get is then go to therapy! it can't control everything you do!

so you go to therapy. and you work out to calm down and you do your self-care and you try to be grateful for the small things. and you structure literally your entire life around it, around the ways you can't live right. you have failsafe over failsafe over red flag. you have shelves of organizational manuals. you have alarms for things like did you remember to eat that you still manage to figure out how to snooze. you have time-blocked sites and deleted apps you get lost in and you are constantly trying. because you also want a life where you are not stepping over laundry. juggling knives, you spend your whole life feeling like you're ice skating.

and still. she sighs at you. i mean, it's just. i don't understand how you constantly miss all the small stuff. i mean, this is the easy part. you're just not trying hard enough.

[sensitivepen]

It's hard to move forward when it feels like nobody is there for you to cheer you up. When nobody is there to back you up. When you are no one's favorite—most especially when you are just a nobody to someone you truly cared about. And you just lay down in bed wondering why you felt so empty when it has always been so heavy on the inside.

— Fynsie

[missinyouiskillingme]

But I tried, didn’t I? Goddamnit, at least I did that.

— Ken Kesey, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest 

[prttywrdscnsootheasadmnd]

LQ,

 I know you do not care, considering we have now gone over a year of not speaking. But there is just so much I need to get off my chest. I’m really working to try to let you go but for some reason it has been so difficult. So instead of bothering you and fearing harsh rejection, here it is. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll see this(I doubt it). Or maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to let go.

I am not sure why lately there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about you or our friendship. I know that sounds weird but maybe it’s just this lonely stage I’m in or the one where I’m all nostalgic. I don’t know. I do know that we have a lot of fucking memories and pictures and videos that I can’t bare to delete. They make this whole letting go process, so much fucking worse.

I miss you. I miss your jokes. I miss your voice. I miss your laugh. I miss your silly self and always making everybody laugh. I miss you always talking about how you want 9 kids and would start now if you could. I miss your kind heart. I miss how smart you are. You always always know the right thing to say to help people. I miss your style, I wonder if it has changed(I hope it has cause you are gorgeous and can rock anything!) I miss our texts. I miss our FaceTimes. I miss out memories, we have so many. I miss how close we were. I always thought we were inseparable.I miss having sleep overs and laughing about our two second dreams(I’ll never forget that I came up with that with you). I miss how you were learning to stand up for yourself. I miss getting to hear and see how much stronger you were becoming. I miss hearing about your boy adventures( tbh you deserve someone so amazing and I really hope you know that now). I miss your mom(god I really miss your mom). I miss your whole family damn it. I miss you and miss having you in my life so. Much.

Some days I just wish you were around, so I could text or call you about all the stupid silly stuff. There are so many times, I’m like god what would L say or I wonder what L is doing. I wish you were around so I could just hear about all you are up to now. So we could talk about people from our high school and how so many of them are doing crazy things. I wish you were around to meet Rob, I know you would just love him. I think you guys would get along so well. Psh, there is just so much I want to tell you about. I wish you were around for the next milestones in life that we are gonna go through. I just wish you were here. I wish I could just call you right now and pick up right where we left off.

Now I’m not stupid. I know our friendship really struggled the last few years. I take blame for it too. I wish I had done a lot of things differently, and for that I’m so sorry. We both hurt each other and were struggling with our own stuff. I’m sorry, I wish it had been different. I just want you to know that in the end, I am so sorry for the way I acted. You never deserved the way I treated you. I was just literally at the end. I wanted to die and was the lowest I’d been in a really long time. Now I am not trying to make excuses, I am just trying to explain where I was coming from. I was so miserable and I was so alone. But I did try after that awful weekend. I apologized and tried to reach out multiple times but got nothing. I’ll never understand what happened there but I’ll respect that you are just done. Who knows, maybe you realized I was your toxic person. Or maybe you were just exhausted of having to work on our friendship, yet again. I don’t blame you. If anything, I think you were right to end it.

At the end of the day, I just hope you are doing well and are happy. I hope that you got a great OTA job and are living on your own. I hope that you have amazing friends, which you so deserve. I hope that you have all the tattoos you wanted. I hope that you are healing and becoming your best self. I hope that you move or get to move somewhere amazing. I hope you get a cat( we alll know you are truly a cat person). You truly deserve the world, L. You do.

Also, Thank you. Thank you so being my person for so long. Thank you for helping me and being patient with me. You healed me in so many ways when we were growing up. Thank you for teaching me what true friendship was like. Thank you for reminding me there really are good people out there. Most importantly, thank you for teaching me that sometimes the best of friends can grow apart and go down different paths but we will be okay.

I’m not sure if this is the end, in this world you can never be sure of anything, but I think part of me will always have some hope we meet again at a different time. I love you, best friend, big booty judy, LQ. You were my very best friend and I am letting you go.

[prttywrdscnsootheasadmnd]

I don’t think I have the heart to even tell her how much I miss our friendship. Even when I go to text her everyday, I can never really do it because I just know she doesn’t feel the same.

From us at 13, to us at 18, to us at 21/22. She literally was all I had growing up. She was my person through all the pain. She was my person through all the happiness. She was just my person.

Sometimes I think she was my soulmate in friend form. 

But isn’t it true that sometimes we just love to break own hearts?

[redpetal]

[perrfectly]

[prttywrdscnsootheasadmnd]

My whole life all I ever wanted to be was a mother. I use to make up stories about me being a mom when I was little. I played with baby dolls until I was wayyy to old to be. I’d follow all the moms on YouTube and learn everything I could. It was embarrassing how obsessed I was with babies and motherhood. I’m not sure if it was because I was deprived of a mom or if I was really just weird af.

It’s weird getting into the part of my life now where everyone around me is actually creating new life. It’s weird because I know I still want it so badly but that it’s just not meant to be. Not right now. Not for a long time. If I can be honest, saying that feels like I’m shattering the only dream I’ve ever had. The only thing I knew I wanted to be. To be a mom.

So excuse me while I continue to stare at everyone’s babies in awe and soak in those moments while I can. It is everything I want.

[frankiethebaron]