A blog of hypnotic, scientific, sometimes political and occasionally explicit content. Be aware and mindful when you step inside. Born in 1983 (do math for age). I'm non-binary and queer (if you want to know more, ask). Yes this is a resurrection of my old blog of a similar name. If I spam liked your page, it's because I queued a bunch of your posts. My queue posts between 6PM and PM CST (GMT-6) every day. The posts you see made then come from that. I try earnestly to only post content that I know was created and disseminated consensually, to support sex workers and content creators; if you see something that does not meet that standard, PLEASE tell me so I can delete it and avoid that in future.
Hello everyone, I'm Meru! I'm a hypnotist, hypnoswitch, and safety and consent advocate in the hypnokink space. These days I don't do a whole lot of hypnokinky play with people, but I do value it when I get the chance. Aside from that, I do a lot of writing and teaching and work with subjects on safety and consent issues, and try to push back against and expose the bad actors in the hypnokink community.
Outside of our funny little corner of the internet I'm a scientist, gamer nerd, and progressive activist. If you want to know more specifics about any of those, ask! I'm happy to chat.
Right now I am only semi-regularly updating this blog, aside from the queue. If you reach out to me and don't immediately hear back, then that's why. Be patient.
That said, if anyone claims I have "vouched" for them as safe or ethical, DM me to ask for verification before you assume they are being honest. I am happy to respond to those inquiries whenever I see them.
Hey folks, so say there is a politician you Do Not Like, and want to do all you can to stop them. Say, also, that you happen to live in a place where the overall result is pretty much a foregone conclusion, either in that your preferred candidate will win, is not running, or will lose to that person you Do Not Like. What are you to do?
Well, first, you can contact national political organizations and Volunteer time or donate money to that larger fight. That said, I know a lot of people do not have that.
Another very small thing you can do is make those campaigns waste money. That is another little trick you can do if you have a VPN, because you can set your apparent location to a battleground state being primarily contested by The Other Guy, and let them serve you ads. It is not going to do them any good, but it is one fewer add that gets served to someone in those states. Those ads would not be being bought if they didn't work, so understand that every little bit of draining away their messaging helps.
It's something I think you should consider. If you want to go a bit deeper, make an alternate Google account with AdSense enabled and then go like some pages or people or interact with videos that make Google think you are "a supporter" or "a target demographic" like - in the example of GOP campaign strategists - a non-college-educated and conspiracy-curious White man of 25-65 years old, or a young married mother with school-age children who likely homeschools and is concerned about street violence, education the economy but not educated or curious enough to be vulnerable to truth-based or fact-based rhetoric. That will cause them to serve you more ads, which you can either leave on in the background on 1% volume (Google often reports of you mute their videos entirely) or mute via the speaker rather than the volume control on the video, and go about your business. It's not a HUGE deal, but you'll be doing the fine people of those states a small favor as it means they see less of that claptrap.
Just saw something that makes me hopeful. I saw some clips from Fox News, of alt-right talking heads, who were all saying variations of "it was BORING" regarding Trump's press conference at Bedminster. That people are getting bored of his antics is... It makes me feel like he's losing his grip on those people.
Saving America from Authoritarianism is the main goal. President Biden is making sure that will happen by passing the torch. It’s time to run with that torch.
Donald Trump will not be returning to The White House.
"So tell me about these dreams you keep having, Annie."
I--it's like we're in therapy, like normal, only instead of in your office I've come to your house somehow. I, I don't even know how I know what your house looks like or where it is, I only know that my appointment is there and I have to come to the back door and up the stairs to the study where you're waiting for me. N-naked, you're always naked, the sun is shining through the window and it makes your skin look so soft and radiant and… and I….
"Do you touch me in your dreams?"
K-kinda? I, um, I take off my clothes, because for some reason that feels like just part of the therapy, and I sit down on your lap instead of lying on the couch. And, ohhh, and you reach your arms around me and start playing with my pussy with both hands, and it feels so good and I go so--so passive, like I'm totally paralyzed, like you've hypnotized me and I can't move and all I can do is wriggle and moan and… and I dunno, it, like, it opens up my brain? Like, I can't think when I'm being fucked like that, so I have to just open my mouth and say the first thing that comes into my head.
"So it's like a therapeutic technique, then. In this dream, I'm helping you to express your feelings."
N-not, um, not… I dunno? It doesn't feel like that. It feels like you're getting me to tell you all my weaknesses so you can get a deeper hold on my mind. So you can use my f-fantasies against me to, nnhhh, to make me easier to hypnotize and brainwash and control. I… I always feel like, um, in the dreams, like you're messing with my head so completely I don't even know what's what anymore and I'm too confused to resist.
"Because in the dreams I'm asking you about the dreams."
Yes! You're asking me about the dreams, and the dreams I'm having about you asking me about the dreams feel so real they're almost not even dreams at all, and I don't remember falling asleep and I don't remember waking up but I know that I'm remembering a dream because the real Doctor Pritchard would never… nfffhhh… never use me and, and brainwash me, and turn me into their obedient lesbian s-sex slave, s-so it's a dream, it's just a dream, I--ffffFFFUCK!
"You don't want it to be a dream, though. You want it to be real."
I… I do now. I can't fight it anymore. I want you to own me and program me and make me into your lesbian slut. It's… I… I can't stop dreaming about it.
"I see. Tell me about these dreams you keep having, Annie."
I--it's like we're in therapy….
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Nonbinary with a job here, and while there are situations where I minimize because of fear of repercussions... in most ways, I'm as out as you can be. I'm proud of the journey to find myself, and I'm okay with letting people know that.
Mental health and relationship stuff under the cut.
I was trying to be around here more consistently, but life got the better of me for both good and bad reasons. The good is a new job in a more friendly part of the country so I am preparing to move ~3000 miles to the PNW soon. The bad is... well, what we're about to allude to.
It came to a head last night. I was reading a book on female sexuality ("Come As You Are" by Emily Nagoski) and realized that much of what's in there could be of interest to my wife. I told her as much. That kicked off a spate of her yelling and crying at me.
Apparently, I am a villain for only caring about female sexuality now that I'm thinking about transition. That is not why I'm thinking thinking about it and in reality I asked my therapist for advice on the subject because of our issues in the relationship and wanting to address them, as well as heading any potential personal issues off at the pass because I have danced that dance before. I have asked prior therapists for similar and not gotten much of use, but this time was different. As soon as I knew it would be useful for her, I shared it with her. That I did not have that book years ago was apparently me intentionally withholding help from her and hurting her in the process. The reasons I did not provide more active support in that and instead gave her the space and resources to solve the problem herself, was three-fold: 1) I did not feel comfortable with interfering in her relationship with her body (i.e. her bodily autonomy) without an explicit say-so, which I never got; 2) She never game me any clear (or even unclear) direction on the kind of help she needed or wanted; and 3) The times I did take the lead, it got so mentally taxing after a while that I had to bow out for my own health. She knew that because I told her, but in her mind that was a conscious decision on my part to hang her out to dry. That speaks to a very... troubling... way she thinks of me in the corners of her mind.
Then she talked about my transition. With a face that twisted at times into what I can only call disgust, she said that she did not know "what she had" and whether I would be a husband, a wife, a spouse, a partner or something else and she wasn't sure she wanted some of those. Now, she has said that she is bisexual for years, and she has supported me in my transition thus far... so that she would reveal that those thoughts and feelings were in her head/heart is... troubling. She says she supports me and affirms my state regardless of what it is, that she loves Me, and says that's enough... but is that true? Does she love me, or does she love me when/if I present masculine and take care of all her needs?
Then, she talked about an incident between us. She'd said she buried the hatchet on that incident and we've talked it to death... but she referred to it in the unfair and reductive way she has in the past, calling it an affair when it was not. It was a consent violation, yes, and I have apologized for that as well as doing my best to make amends... but it was not an affair. Additionally, I don't know how she thinks she has a leg to stand on. She knows me and I am open about everything I do. As well, our relationship started as an affair she had on her ex fiance, without telling me that's what it was, and which happened due to a mismatch between their sex drives. Like, even if that's what it was (which it was not), she ought to understand the reason behind it and have a little forgiveness in her heart for the difficulty therein.
Obviously we need some counseling or something, and that's on the menu if feasible under my new insurance. I just... I don't know what to do with all this. She is treating this like it's my fault for opening the can of worms and everything she said was said in a state of heightened emotion and passion and so isn't really indicative of her thoughts... which, that's fair to an extent... but it also isn't an excuse. She said those things. Those words-as-actions are hers to own, and are her responsibility to deal with the fallout for. They hurt me, a lot. This is also not the first time. I have brought this up with her before, she said she would work on it and change for the better... and now, this.
She has also only gotten less capable of doing anything on her own. More and more chores are my responsibility because her neurodivergent brain just won't let her do them. More and more of her life is my responsibility - things like her student loans which are mine to handle, her prescriptions which I manage, and the bank account which she refuses to check before she makes purchases of things we don't need (but which are nice to have regardless, though doing so at the expense of having any financial cushion is a problem). These things used to not be an issue. I used to be able to trust that she'd take care of the car on her own, but she hasn't gotten the inspection sticker updated for two years nor taken it for an oil change in that time, nor fixed the crack in the windshield, not the headlights. I used to be able to trust that the cats were taken care of, but now I do 100% of the litter box cleaning and 2/3 of the feeding. Things like just maintaining the house, which has fallen apart. I work 40 hrs a week and make 100% of the income for the house... and now it feels like I am doing most of the housework as well. That isn't equitable, when what she does all day is paint-by-numbers, watch Youtube documentaries, and sew/knit/spin. When I get home - and yes, I have brought this up with her several times - she keeps doing those things, but gets mad at me if I don't Just Know which chores need to be done because she has not done them.
None of this feels right, and yet somehow I'M the villain of the tale. I don't think there IS a villain to this story - not me, not her - and that we're both just people... but I very much do not want to be fitted for that Black Hat in her mind, subconsciously or not.
This list is to lead to the posts that I come across that detail credible (and I am using my own definition of credible; I'm not a lawyer nor a court of law) accusations of wrongdoing by hypnokink creators, and therefore people to Avoid. The article names here are going to be the names of the people who are detailed in the linked article, and where parenthetical attribution is given that is to indicate that the post is not written by me. I'm doing a Read More in order to make sure that as I edit the content below the cut (the list of creators), it updates the text that appears on Reblogs.
Potentially Unsafe Hypnokink Creators:
Nimja (via FetLife and his website): Dealing with underage partners, mistreating partners, dubious content in files. A list of red flags in Nath's dealings with him, which I also find to be credible. Evidence. Evidence. (by @writtenbynath)
Blueberry Empire (via Discord and YouTube): Transphobic and homophobic attitudes by creator as well as a history of allowing underage persons on her NSFW server. The Tumblr post is written by me, but that comes from a Twitter post written by someone else.
Inventive Mind (via Discord and FetLife): Highly abusive and non-consensual brainwashing and cult leader-like behavior, all laid out here. (note: link removed because someone was using the linked page - and my link to it - for nefarious purposes. Suffice to say it supports my prior point.)
NeuralNets (On FetLife, Reddit, and as AKAs DeepDreamStates, NeuroPlex here on Tumblr. Probably more places also): Since he basically asked me to, here's a basic primer on NeuralPlex's history of misdeeds and abuse. The essentials of it is that he doesn't directly create himself, but he sets up the structures for and allows to flourish, a culture of abuse and dangerous parasocial relationships - that is, a cult of personality with them at the center - on his Discord server and takes an attitude toward safety in his files that is at best perfunctory ("this is what I have to do in order to get to the good stuff") and at worst performative ("be careful with this file because it's really powerful!" is NOT a legitimate content warning, except to them it sometimes is). While I'm sure there are a lot of people who like that sort of content, you should know that if things go bad - and that's a nonzero possibility - then he is not going to be there to help you after and is going to sweep you under a rug after. It has happened before.
Dr. Headcrash: This one is most directly supported by a sort of secondary accusation, but that speaks back to a larger pattern. So, Headcrash is known to have abused past partners and there have been issues with conventions out on the West Coast for that reason, and so I feel the need to add him here as an unsafe creator/hypnotist. He doesn't have a Tumblr so far as I'm aware, so this links to his Twitter, but I'm sure he also has a FetLife as well.
Professor Mesmer: This person used a combination of recreational drugs and hypnosis, most especially b*mbi content, to condition and abuse a number of people across several (at least three) years. Because of a combination of safety and ethical concerns with the specific pieces of evidence to which I was linked I will not link them, however I find based on those links that the accusations are credible. All I'll do by way of substantiation is say to contact Bubbles for more, if you have questions. But, be polite.
Update: This is one of the rare events in the hypnokink community to break out of the hypnokink community and get noticed by the wider world. Here is a Buzzfeed News article about Professor Mesmer. Yes, he is "James."
Vassalreturns: This person has an admitted - by them - history of serial (in the dozens of past partners/victims) abuse and consent violation. I do not know the precise details, but they describe violating limits, gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and other classic abuse tactic in broad terms without specific details. I take them at their word. They are a creator of b*mbi-themed bimbo hypnokink content, and with their admitted history of abuse (which was shared with me on the condition I not broadcast it publicly, but I have vetted it and found it to be authentic) the fact they focus on "extreme" BS content is especially concerning. Also concerning is their language around their history, which shows less a genuine desire to change and more a belief that they are not capable of it coupled with a desire to fail to change and thus indulge in what is to them a forbidden fruit. Here is my post on the topic.
--- Edit (05/13/24): In the comments on this post you will see a report of him discontinuing making BS (B*mbi Sl**p) files, and leaving the hypnokink community altogether. That report has at this point not been corroborated by me, but it is worth bearing in mind. It also might demonstrate genuine remorse and a desire to change, though I cannot say that for certain. If I get more information in this regard I will add it to this post.
Other potentially unsafe people:
Ernesto / -stealth-; a photographer who advertises a willingness to take pictures of especially young, attractive women in his area for free. He buys dinner and transportation and then holds the pictures hostage in exchange for a glowing review, and uses the shoot as a chance to take advantage of his prospective model while emotionally abusing and threatening her. This is a pattern of behavior. It's also not new, but I was just made aware of it and it's ongoing.
savagemadeink: For harassing and aggressive behavior toward a content creator.
The Whack-a-Mole Rogues' Gallery:
This is the place where I will link to the rogues' gallery of predatory hypnotists who I come across on Tumblr, as I come across them. These are people who almost always delete their blog within a week or two of being called out, but reappear a month or two later under a different pseudonym (hence the name, based on me playing a never-ending game of whack-a-mole with them). I'm going to link their blog even though the link will almost certainly go dark, and link to the evidence. Since all of the accusations are basically copypasta of one another - disregarding consent, bad safety practices, treating subs poorly, etc - I'm not going to detail them. Read the evidence links for more.
Hypnotica2: Evidence
I will add to this as needed and as more come across my dash. This list is also still under construction.
Spider/Wizard, Prism, Strike... this list is missing a fair few names, though gods only know how active they are these days.
Also, as tempting as it is to say, half-tongue-in-cheek, that I aspire to be on a list like this someday... I wouldn't wanna be in any group that includes NN as a member.
I can only add the ones people come to me about and with evidence for, so if you have things you want to point me to I'm happy to make and necessary amendments.
Fyi every single seat in the house and 1/3rd of the senate is up for reelection every 2 years which is why you should vote for every presidential election and also in the midterms
Trump isn't guaranteed to win this year's presidential election because he's been shot at. In 2020, Trump supporters voted in heavy numbers, but guess what? They still lost because we outvoted them.
Do I want to vote for Biden? No, but I will since no third-party candidate has a winning chance, and I don't want Trump to be president again. Unless y'all are gonna overthrow the American political system and government, we need to vote.
It's normal to be terrified about this presidential election, but don't allow it to stop you from voting and trying to stop that orange fucker from returning to office.
Pruning the Mind's Garden @pruning-the-minds-garden - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
