❣ @prxdarae - Tumblr Blog

what did I do to deserve this piece of shit excuse of a life. I am so alone and empty. I have no real friends, nobody ever initiates conversation with me, and I’m never invited to anything. Fuck, I even sit by myself during lunch at school when the damn library isn’t open. I try so hard to make friends and reach out to people but I’m never important enough. Even for a few spare moments. All I want is friends who care about me and want to be around me. I probably ruined any chance of friendship ever possible because I was labeled a psycho crying girl because I can’t control my fucking anxiety and depression. People mock me all the fucking time about my panic attacks. Nobody understands. Really not even my fucking family. Nobody in my family cares about me and they all wish hell upon me. I can’t even pursue my career dreams because my parents are so damn selfish. I just fucking hate being so let down by everything. I want it all to end. I’m sick of being sad and empty. I’m sick of wasting my time here. Every waking moment is miserable.

prxdarae

Being alone is never easy or fun. But it makes you stronger and one day you'll look back and realize that you didn't need a bunch of people to make you happy, having you is enough. Right now is not a great time and that's okay. Part of being special is having absolutely nobody understand or get you. It will all unfold in the end and when you achieve your dreams & you will look back at this like its nothing. You'll shock them and it'll be the best feeling ever. You got this

regular-love

ridog19

Getting better from depression isn’t going to be from black to white, it will be thousand shades of gray until you get toward you white but eventually you will get there

i-fall-to-fly

I feel like since I am passing as “okay” my family thinks I’m “better”

I have a job now, I go out with friends, I have hobbies they can see me progress in, etc etc

But like… I’m still sucidal every single day. I still have PTSD. I still have paranoia. I still have anxiety. I still dissociate. I’m still depressed.

No one seems to care that I don’t have any mental health care going on which was the whole point of moving here. I still desperately need professional help (remember, I’ve had two doctors recommend I be put on serious medications but sure, just moving will make everything better).

I don’t know how to bring it up to them though. They seem happy thinking I’m better. I don’t want them to feel like they failed some how. I’m just really, really fucked up and really, really good at internalizing it.

I don’t know where I’m going with this post. I’m just drowning and every day I get closer to my birthday I get closer to killing myself. I need someone to help me.

prxdarae

internalizing your struggles will harm you even more & you should tell your family about it. yeah they're happy thinking you're better now but they'd be even happier that you are honest and tell them that no ur actually not ok yet. ik ur a fighter & idk if im helping in any way but it's worth a shot. ik this phrase is too overused but you'll be ok. it's dark right now but you're strong enough..