Gil: Today, I saw Malcolm crying for five or six minutes, and then an alarm on his phone went off and he just…stopped crying and went right back to work.
Malcolm: It’s called time management, Gil.
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@psonincorrectquotes
Gil: Today, I saw Malcolm crying for five or six minutes, and then an alarm on his phone went off and he just…stopped crying and went right back to work.
Malcolm: It’s called time management, Gil.
Malcolm: I have good news and bad news.
Gil: Okay...good news first.
Malcolm: I am 65% sure that I won’t do it again.
Gil: …
Gil: *sighs*
*immediately after pulling an all nighter for a case*
Malcolm: I don't even feel tired
Gil: how??
Malcolm: I got an hour of sleep last week
Gil: ...
Gil: that's not healthy
Malcolm, jumping over his emotions like:
Malcolm: hello, father figure
Gil: hello, problem child
Malcolm: hey, wanna help me commit a felony?
Edrisa: what the heck?! No!
Malcolm: sorry, my bad
Malcolm *whispers*: hey, wanna help me commit a felony?
Edrisa *whispers*: yeah, of course. What do you need?
Gil: Jessica, what are you drinking?
Jessica: Tea
Gil: What kind of tea?
Jessica: Uh... tea... quila
Gil: Jessica, we've talked about this
Dani: I love you a lot.
Ainsley: I love you too. I love you how the summer rain falls, steady and constant, flooding the dry earth and nourishing the flowers and grass and trees while we rest in our house, watching the rain patter against the window.
Dani: …
Dani: Can I, uh, try mine again? I don’t think I gave it my all.
Malcolm: I’ve been eating peanut M&Ms in the hopes that if a cannibal eats me and is allergic to peanuts, I’ll be able to get my revenge.
Gil: …
Gil: That sentence started out so normal.
JT: I can’t believe you thought it was going to be.
Malcolm: *is quietly reading*
Gil: *sighs* What did you do?
Malcolm: What? I'm just reading, what makes you think I did anything?
Gil: Malcolm, just tell me what you did
Malcolm: I didn't do anything!
Gil:
Malcolm:
Malcolm: Ok fine I may have accidentally started a tiny fire that burned down just a few buildings
Gil: *sighs* sometimes I wish my "Malcolm Did Something Bad" sense was wrong, but it never is
Malcolm: If I cut off my leg, and swing it at your head, am I hitting you or kicking you?
Dani: …
Dani: Honestly, you’d probably be mentally scarring me more than anything else.
Malcolm: What have I done?! I've killed my father!
Gil: Good riddance
Dani: He was a bad influence
Jessica: He ruined our family
Martin (bleeding out on the ground): Stop acting like I'm dead! I can still be saved!
Jessica, Dani, and Gil: No.
Dani: tell me one thing about you no one knows
Malcolm: I get jealous of my phone when it dies
Malcolm: I just slept for 4 hours. That's twice as long as I usually get
Malcolm: And what if I press the brake and gas at the same time?
Edrisa: the car takes a screenshot
Gil: For the last time, get the fuck out
Gil: Do you ever think?
Malcolm: No and you can’t make me.
JT: People who sleep without socks on make me worry.
Dani: People who sleep WITH socks are not to be trusted.
Malcolm: People who sleep are weird.
Edrisa: I was a sock once.