Iāve been thinking of old chat rooms that existed on yahoo chat, IRC, and AOL (good god, typing that out was a trip š).
I used to talk with so many interesting, intelligent, and incredible people all over the world. Looks like every good word starts with an Iā¦so does my last name šš
Thatās not to say I didnāt run into my fair share of weirdos and assholes, but for the most part it was a positive experience.
Thereās this one guy in particular that I met in a physics chat room on yahoo. His name was Tomas, without an H. He was studying Physics at Oxford, and we talked about anything and everything.
I remember how lovely it was. I really regarded him as friend and we would often talk about how incredible it was to be chatting with one another literally across the globe. We were openly fond of one another, and it was so pleasant.
There was this sweet appreciation we had for one another, and it was honestly so nice.
I remember scanning one of my university exams to him, and literally laughed out loud at his reaction to it š āThatās it? This is an exam?!ā
I wasnāt offended, because he was right. He went to Oxford, and the problems they solve for a regular homework assignment would make most of us cry here lol
The Britās are are no joke with their schooling
Iād share photos of my home town with the little digital camera I had at the time.
This was before facebook and MySpace. 2003, so we didnāt really know what the other looked liked.
We eventually lost touch, but I think of him from time to time.
And since there was no social mediaā¦that was it.
Iām sure heās already finished his PhD, and is more than likely married, and living happily in England with little Tomasās running around lol
Theyāre probably older at this point.
I often wonder what would have happened if we ever met.
Probably another heartache š I meanā¦that seems to be the trend lol
I havenāt had much luck in love.
And while I would love to be in a relationship, the older I get, the more likely I see that my life is better spent alone.
I came to that realization tonightā¦againā¦so it goes
I keep attracting the same type of personā¦.and thus, I keep repeating the same pattern.
2025 is proving to be one hell of a yearā¦.but it will not be one where I keep making the same mistakes.
I think this is the nail in the coffinā¦but in a good way.
It frees up mental space and lets me divert my energy into something else.
If I meet someone, and there is equal reciprocation in terms of effort, full transparency, honesty, clear intention, clear communication, and weāre both readyā¦
If that happens, then wonderful.
In the meantime, Iām going to try to get my eating habits back in order, prioritize my health, and just focus on being present in my own life.
I hope I find that gleeful joy I felt 3 years ago when I was single, free, and unburdened of toxic relationships. I was happy thenāexcited even!
Thatās what I want backāpassion and joy.
romaincrisis
blakekathryn
theartofmadeline
