៚ SYNOPSIS — after graduating highschool then going through your first break up, you're left to lean on your bestfriend for support before moving to america. returning home brings back memories, realizing your true feelings for each other back then, but is it too late?
៚ NOTES — after MONTHS and months of this marinating in my drafts, she's finally out. if this flops then i'm deleting the entire smau and gonna act like it never happened okay
note i love writing things inspired by music so ofc this one is inspired by a song i love so much ╰(*´︶`*)╯ 🤍
your families basement had been yours since you were in the seventh grade, back when it still smelt like new upholstery instead of popcorn butter and old energy drinks. now, it is deeply rutted, molded precisely into the shape of yours and eunseok’s bodies.
you were draped across it now, two halves of one, well-worn duo. you were struggling through a tedious history chapter, legs tangled with his as he scrolled on his phone, one arm loosely hugging around your shoulders—a position requiring zero thought—to you, it was equivalent to background noise.
this is how you guys have been sitting together for way over a decade now.
eunseok had moved into the house just down the street from yours when you were six. he was silent, the vast look on his face as he stood on the sidewalk with a stuffed animal in hand.
it took a few stolen cookies and a long game of hide and seek for you guys to become ‘us’.
growing up not just near each other, but you grew into each other. he was the keeper of your secrets like how you were of his.
he was the shoulder you could lean on and the automatic plus-one to every terrible family gathering.
you're seniors in highschool now, navigating through college applications and the sudden quickening pace of the future together, but nothing has changed.
nothing, except eunseok's heart.
when did the shift happen? you don't really know but maybe it wasn't a shift at all but a slow, diastrophic movement that had always been happening, only now strong enough for him to finally recognize it.
it started subtly. eunseok stopped seeing you as just ‘you’. he started breaking you up into pieces to better understand you.
tonight, it was about the loose strand of hair that kept falling across your cheek while studying.
sighing with frustration, you absentmindedly blow the strand of hair away just for it to sit right back where it had been before. eunseok notices this. he paused his scrolling to attend to you. tightening his arm around you, pulling you closer against his chest.
his gaze lingering, following the line of your neck, and the way that your hair rests perfectly on the curve of it. tracing the outside of your ear with his thumb, a small gesture so familiar that you don't even register it. but for eunseok, it was sudden. it was like electricity jolting from him to you. a dangerous reminder that the fabric separating platonic intimacy from desire was tissue thin.
he cleared his throat and looked away, keeping his arm there. back to his phone, back to scrolling but the moment was echoing in his mind.
eunseok was in love with you. it was the simple, yet brutal truth that hit him with a force stronger than an oncoming train like he was forced to stand still on the tracks before it.
but he can't say it. he won't say it.
the reason being what he considers a core memory. a sharp and cold one, one that he tried to keep filed away but he is always being reminded of it.
“why can't guys just be good friends without wanting anything more? it's nice having someone who just gets you, you know? like you, eunseok! you're really like the brother i never had.”
brother—that word had created a wall—not a flimsy one like it was made of cardboard, but a solid wall shielding what you considered safe and a familiar comfort. one that you had built without realizing and eunseok knew that trying to scale it would result in the destruction of everything that you two were together. so, imagine if he tried putting dynamite to that wall.. that's his worst fear.
eunseok had reclassified his feelings then. now, it wasn't love; it was admiration. it wasn't pining; it was appreciation.
expect, it really wasn't.
-
“you've been staring at that one paragraph for like thirty minutes.” he murmured, voice low and rumbling against your hair.
“it’s boring,” you complained, sliding the book away from you. “let's watch something instead!”
adjusting your position, swinging your legs onto his lap. leaning your back on the armrest. exposing your messiness to him and he just settled his hand on your shins.
a casual and grounding type of contact, but your level of casualness with him was like a knife turning into his gut.
“you've got a smudge of ink right here,” he said, reaching to brush the pad of his thumb across your cheek. it was an intimate movement, one that spoke of deep, shared history together but he knew to you, it felt different than it did to him.
his eyes dropped, taking in the line of your jaw and the shape your lips made while speaking, talking about some random details about the movie you had put on the tv; he found you quite mesmerizing.
it was no secret that eunseok found you attractive—he'd always been a physically and verbally expressive person, often commenting on things like your outfit or your hair.
“seriously, your hair looks really good today. like, super soft,” he said, tone completely even. he wasn't trying to show emotion, like he was bored.
eunseok was taught to act tough, to be the role he was born to play. he wondered about when he showed 'too much' emotion, he was conditioned to feel like it makes him less of a man,
“thanks, seok. i tried to clean up a bit for once.”
he just smiled, genuinely. trying not to reach the aching in his chest. an easy grin that expresses the admiration of attraction, maxing out his extent of risk-taking. just letting you know that he notices you, physically, but the meaning behind the compliments would remain locked away within him.
he kept the attraction surface-level, filtered behind what was seen as just some friendly teasing. eunseok thought that if he just showed the attraction and not the yearning, he'd be able to keep you close to him forever.
you had decided on an old horror movie, and just ten minutes in, you had already started to drift asleep. somewhere along the way, while scrolling through movies, you had flipped around, and now your head is leaning heavy on eunseok's shoulder,
and he didn't dare to move even though the position was starting to cramp his neck. continuing to watch the screen, but his attention was entirely on the weight of the presence right beside him.
feeling your breath on his collarbone, he looked down at your face. beautiful and peaceful, but in sheer darkness. the painful consequence of his choices became absolute.
what would it be like? he wondered.
what would it be like to be able to lean down and truly kiss you goodnight right now? not an awkward, friendly kiss on the cheek you'd give each other on days like your birthday. but a real, possessive kiss. what would it be like to hold your hand in crowded places not as a buddy, but as something that's earned? to be the person you confided in about the future you're building together and not the future you'd eventually be building with someone else.
that thought, was the worst of all. the thought of you getting to do everything he wanted to do with you, with someone else. the thought of someone else being everything he wants to be to you.
he knew with a certainty that sent chills down his spine, that you are destined to fall in love with someone who wasn't him. and when that day comes, he knows he'll be the first one you go running to, eager to introduce to the lucky guy to get that “big brother approval”.
it grew, a slow and quiet devastation.
eunseok adjusts his position slightly, carefully tucking you into the blanket. he was the gaurdian of your beautiful, complicated relationship and his role determined his survival, even if it meant sacrificing his true happiness for yours.
leaning his head back against the cushion, and right before he closed his eyes, the only thing that was on his mind: he dreamt that you felt it too
letting the sound of the screams from the tv fade into the background as he drifted into sleep.
some of you is better than none of you, he thought.
those words were a vow that whispered into the darkness in the air that stayed between you two. he had you beside him, warm and trusting, tethered to him by years of memories.
it was the only way eunseok knew how to love you—in comfortable, agonizing moments, forever wondering what it's like to be loved by you.
so, he stayed perfectly still, enduring the torture of holding you so close but still remaining out of reach
Will forever stand by the theory that she used her teeth as a weapon out of fear of almost getting killed and not intentionally. Enobaria don’t get enough love
note i've had this idea for a while ✎ this is a part one
you always saw college as your only get away from the life you hated with your parents. they made it seem like you had to be academically successful to get somewhere in life, but you knew that wasn't entirely true.
still, you worked your ass off just so you can move away and never have to deal with all that went on at home again.
and in the middle of your third year, you still think that way. to you, college is just a break from the tragic story you called reality.
your second year is when everything started to go downhill. days started to blur together and you lost track of everything. you really tried to keep up the academic weapon image you left highschool with but that didn't last long.
friday nights became the only thing you looked forward to.
so just like all those other nights, you were stumbling out of whatever bar you and your friends could get into, trying to make your way into the uber that one of your roommates sent you all the way from your shared apartment.
nothing different ever came from nights like this. it was always the same: finishing up class and rushing to go partying. waking up late the next morning laying half off your bed with a full face of makeup still on.
after a long week of preparing to start the new semester, you once again found yourself drunk and wondering the city streets.
it being the weekend before school starting again, it's not as busy as it usually is this late at night. just a few cars here and there.
straying away from your friends on accident, trying your best to pull up your contact list so you can call one of your roommates.
pushing against the rough walls, legs refusing to hold your own weight. and the world spun.
one moment, the neon glow of the building signs turned into smears of color, the next, a new shadow separated from what looked like a big blur.
trying to focus your vision, you start to make out what looked like the silhouette of a guy, a really tall guy.
“hey, you alright?” the voice cuts through the haze, a low rumble like he's trying to be quiet.
your body jolts, purse slipping down your arm before hitting the pavement. a loud *clink* sound echoed, you squint at the sudden noise.
the figure finally resolving into a solid figure. he stood over you,. a hand hovering in concern, but not yet touching.
“i'm.. fine” words slurred. putting a hand to the side of your own head to support the aching.
he knelt down, getting your purse. a simple, small bag made from denim with a silver chain strap. it looked even smaller in his hands.
“you don't look fine. can you stand?” his hand finally making little contact as you push off the wall and stumble forward to reach your purse.
losing balance but he catches you. his arm tightening around your waist.
the unexpected touch sent shock through your body, not fear. his hoodie smelt of fresh linen, different from the bar’s musk.
“who are you?” you mumbled, trailing off. head now on his shoulder, looking down at the way your feet get mixed up with his.
adjusting his grip, he leans you back against the wall, keeping a hand on you so you can stay up right. “sungchan. i saw you stumbling around from down the street. why are you alone?”
“alone …?” confused, you quickly turn around. your voice, breathless. “im not alone-” there's no one.
“right, where are you headed?”
the question was left unanswered. your sluggish mind, everything was all over the place. “headed.” home? you couldn't remember, you could have sworn you weren't alone.
another wave of nausea washed over you.
“i… i don't know.” eyes drifting shut again, forehead finding its way back to sungchan's shoulder.
he held on, tight. dead weight feeling surprisingly light. he looked around. no taxis, no friends, nothing but just the hum of the city and the lights flickering on and off.
sighing, i guess the decision had already been made.
you were sungchan’s new responsibility.
“alright, y/n.” he whispered, the name he noticed hanging from a chain around your neck. “can i lift you?” he asked, you nod. almost in bridal style, he starts to walk off with you in his arms.
each step, getting further from the bar’s fading glow. deeper into the quiet, empty streets of the city.
he makes his way to his car, parked not too far from where he found you. the sudden flash from the headlights making you squeeze your eyes tighter together.
getting you settled in the car comfortably, he takes the jacket that was folded messily in the back seat and drapes it over your body.
eventually, sungchan started the car and began to drive. gripping onto the steering wheel, anxiously.
you slumped in the passenger seat beside him, a tangled mess from how uncomfortable the leather seats were becoming.
nothing but slurred words filled the silence.
“are we there yet?” you ask, voice audibly thick with alcohol. “almost. just a few more blocks.” keeping his gaze fixed on the road.
he still couldn't believe that he's found himself in a situation like this. a complete stranger, a drunken mess in his passenger seat.
“the buildings are so wobbly tonight. are they always wobbly?” you giggle, the world looking almost like it's dancing. “my head is wobbly. is your head wobbly?”
“mine is steady.” sungchan slowed down for a yellow light. “hang on, we're turning.” he says, straightening out an arm in front of you.
“turning like…. like a carousel. do you like carousels? i don't. they just go round and round and you never go anywhere, no excitement.” you frown. eyebrows turning downward at the expression. “do you ever feel like you're just going round and round.. and round?”
“sometimes.” he pulls into his building parking lot, the ground crunching under the tires. “we're here.”
getting you from his car into his apartment was a battle he didn't think would be so difficult. between holding up your weight with one arm and fumbling with the keys in his free hand.
gently lowering you onto his worn couch, finally able to relax. body already making a dent in the cushions. blinking, eyes still unfocused.
“here's water.” he filled up a cup with water he kept in a tall pitcher stashed in the fridge, then came back with a plate of crackers.
“no, i'm not thirsty.” you say pushing the glass away from you. sungchan took it from you, “drink it. it'll help.” he says as he presses the now warm rim of the glass to your lips. after a while of resisting, you finally take a small sip, and then another.
“eat this.” he offered you a cracker.
eyes closing again, eating the crackers slowly. once you started, you couldn't stop. then you started to doze off. sungchan had already gotten you a fresh blanket and pillow, and now he's cleaning up the table since you finished.
he's taking care of you like you've known each other for years. it might be the amount of alcohol in your system right now, but part of you feels so comfortable. with him. like this.
a quiet snore escapes your mouth and you jolt awake. “can i have a bed?” you prop your head up on your arm.
he pauses, cloth still in hand after cleaning the table. “i only have one bedroom.”
you frown and your eyes widen. trying to get him to let you sleep in a bed. “please? my head hurts.”
sungchan sighed, a quiet but heavy exhale. “fine. you can have the bed in there.” he points at the door at the end of the hall. “just don't make a mess.”
you pushed yourself up onto your elbows. “you too, stay.”
“no.” he voice was firm. “i'll sleep out here. on the couch.” he said pointing outside the bedroom door.
upset but you didn't argue further. dragging yourself onto the bed, a soft thud as your body hits the mattress.
sungchan can hear the rustling of the sheets from the living room. once it stopped, he settled into the couch.
he stared at the ceiling, thinking. she seems to be my age, why is she out like this? the new semester starts on monday. drowning herself in cheap alcohol? needing me, a stranger to help her.
he shook his head. not even knowing why it's bothering him so much. after tonight, he'll probably never see you again.
writer culture is telling all your friends about how you've been working on your cool new wip and you're actually liking how it's turning out but the second they ask you what it's about - or worse, ask to read it - you run away screaming
