OMG YES HI MAMA i have been wanting to write again but everything happening in kpop rn has be lowk bugged and unmotivated 😕 but dada will be back soon ok
omg i also didn't realize that i've had this blog for over a year now???? im sad i missed my first anniversary cause i lowk had a plan to post something long but yk ..life had other plans 💔💔
HAPPY ONE YEAR!!!! i love you guys if you're reading this and if you still come back to read my old writes,, 🥹 thank you
SORRY LAST ONE, but i don’t like the people using this opportunity to talk down on riize or just follow a hate train, calling him a dozen and saying how they’ve secretly never liked him or riize in general, or i even saw people trying to put him and taro against each other? or trying to find clips to prove that he’s been racist all along, like his black shadow name or his bubble pfp of him when he was younger
i also seen all that, and it honestly just all goes back to when seunghan was getting attacked and how that all created ot3 riize and stuff. i remember around that time, so many leaks were posted of riize predebut and a bunch of rumors that got out of hand and it seems like people are using this as the time to try and bring it back to light even though a lot of the things were like "omg sohee is gay" like what ?? 😭😭
and the thing about eunseok's pfp and nickname 'black shadow', i feel like he's explained the name before. but the way that i take it is that it refers to him being "stone like", similar to being just someone's shadow, he's barely there. that's why his representative emoji is a rock. i personally see nothing wrong with the name, but a good handful of people on twt see the opposite. idk about his bbl pfp but the one he has on weverse i saw people talking about it as well. it's nothing but him when he was little wearing a wig. again, i see nothing wrong with it, how many people have worn a wig that resembles an afro?? let's be real.
just because someone does one thing, doesn't mean that EVERYTHING they have ever done was a hint to what has happened now. i don't get picking him apart.
i do get that his apology was... def something, he could have definitely elaborated more instead of being so bland in his response. it's sad for me to say but i don't know if i'll ever see him in a normal way, at least not for a while. maybe if he shows actual improvement and that he's learned from this.
a lot of people who have already accepted his apology and are taking it as an honest mistake seem to be slightly and indirectly attacking those who are iffy about it. "this proves you never loved him." i think loving someone includes holding them accountable and wanting them to better themselves, but they can't do that if you always let them off easy.
no matter what really happened, i hope he applies what everyone is saying to himself.
i’m honestly embarrassed and disappointed 😭 i never would of expected riize to have a scandal like this especially after everything that happened, they just starting gaining back their international popularity too. him also deleting it immediately after cause he realized what he said is crazy, cause there were other messages after the photo. eunseok isn’t even my main bias but i have wayyyy more things of him up in my room compared to sohee (my bias) and i just heavy sigh when i see him, again im SO embarrassed and i can’t even imagine how the directly effected community feels.
i feel like you just described it in words i struggled to find when my friends asked me how i felt about it, i am also embarrassed as much as i am disappointed.
even though im not as into kpop as i was before, i still heavily keep up with riize and eunseok to me was just that one idol yk?and to answer this ask and ur second one, he's been my ult ult since their debut. it feels like at this point, my whole kpop world revolves around him, that's how much i liked him. people are talking about how it doesn't shock them that something like this happened with him specifically and that shocked me honestly. following him for so long and it might be just me, but he's never given off any sort of weird vibe.
but it's so crazy to see him go from being caught with a vape, which imo is like nothing, to saying a derogatory word like that. and i'm not going to lie, i laughed off the whole vape thing because it's just not that serious to me. he's old enough but that also crosses over to this situation. he is old enough!!!! to know better.
there's so much talk about how people see koreans use the word and some even ask their korean family and friends, but answer is just different from the last i feel like. some say it's equivalent to a slur and the rest say it's not. i saw someone compare it to how the word monkey isn't offensive unless used against a southeast asian person, while that correlates to how some people described the word eunseok used, i feel like it shouldn't compare??? monkey is an actual animal yk
note i love writing things inspired by music so ofc this one is inspired by a song i love so much ╰(*´︶`*)╯ 🤍
your families basement had been yours since you were in the seventh grade, back when it still smelt like new upholstery instead of popcorn butter and old energy drinks. now, it is deeply rutted, molded precisely into the shape of yours and eunseok’s bodies.
you were draped across it now, two halves of one, well-worn duo. you were struggling through a tedious history chapter, legs tangled with his as he scrolled on his phone, one arm loosely hugging around your shoulders—a position requiring zero thought—to you, it was equivalent to background noise.
this is how you guys have been sitting together for way over a decade now.
eunseok had moved into the house just down the street from yours when you were six. he was silent, the vast look on his face as he stood on the sidewalk with a stuffed animal in hand.
it took a few stolen cookies and a long game of hide and seek for you guys to become ‘us’.
growing up not just near each other, but you grew into each other. he was the keeper of your secrets like how you were of his.
he was the shoulder you could lean on and the automatic plus-one to every terrible family gathering.
you're seniors in highschool now, navigating through college applications and the sudden quickening pace of the future together, but nothing has changed.
nothing, except eunseok's heart.
when did the shift happen? you don't really know but maybe it wasn't a shift at all but a slow, diastrophic movement that had always been happening, only now strong enough for him to finally recognize it.
it started subtly. eunseok stopped seeing you as just ‘you’. he started breaking you up into pieces to better understand you.
tonight, it was about the loose strand of hair that kept falling across your cheek while studying.
sighing with frustration, you absentmindedly blow the strand of hair away just for it to sit right back where it had been before. eunseok notices this. he paused his scrolling to attend to you. tightening his arm around you, pulling you closer against his chest.
his gaze lingering, following the line of your neck, and the way that your hair rests perfectly on the curve of it. tracing the outside of your ear with his thumb, a small gesture so familiar that you don't even register it. but for eunseok, it was sudden. it was like electricity jolting from him to you. a dangerous reminder that the fabric separating platonic intimacy from desire was tissue thin.
he cleared his throat and looked away, keeping his arm there. back to his phone, back to scrolling but the moment was echoing in his mind.
eunseok was in love with you. it was the simple, yet brutal truth that hit him with a force stronger than an oncoming train like he was forced to stand still on the tracks before it.
but he can't say it. he won't say it.
the reason being what he considers a core memory. a sharp and cold one, one that he tried to keep filed away but he is always being reminded of it.
“why can't guys just be good friends without wanting anything more? it's nice having someone who just gets you, you know? like you, eunseok! you're really like the brother i never had.”
brother—that word had created a wall—not a flimsy one like it was made of cardboard, but a solid wall shielding what you considered safe and a familiar comfort. one that you had built without realizing and eunseok knew that trying to scale it would result in the destruction of everything that you two were together. so, imagine if he tried putting dynamite to that wall.. that's his worst fear.
eunseok had reclassified his feelings then. now, it wasn't love; it was admiration. it wasn't pining; it was appreciation.
expect, it really wasn't.
-
“you've been staring at that one paragraph for like thirty minutes.” he murmured, voice low and rumbling against your hair.
“it’s boring,” you complained, sliding the book away from you. “let's watch something instead!”
adjusting your position, swinging your legs onto his lap. leaning your back on the armrest. exposing your messiness to him and he just settled his hand on your shins.
a casual and grounding type of contact, but your level of casualness with him was like a knife turning into his gut.
“you've got a smudge of ink right here,” he said, reaching to brush the pad of his thumb across your cheek. it was an intimate movement, one that spoke of deep, shared history together but he knew to you, it felt different than it did to him.
his eyes dropped, taking in the line of your jaw and the shape your lips made while speaking, talking about some random details about the movie you had put on the tv; he found you quite mesmerizing.
it was no secret that eunseok found you attractive—he'd always been a physically and verbally expressive person, often commenting on things like your outfit or your hair.
“seriously, your hair looks really good today. like, super soft,” he said, tone completely even. he wasn't trying to show emotion, like he was bored.
eunseok was taught to act tough, to be the role he was born to play. he wondered about when he showed 'too much' emotion, he was conditioned to feel like it makes him less of a man,
“thanks, seok. i tried to clean up a bit for once.”
he just smiled, genuinely. trying not to reach the aching in his chest. an easy grin that expresses the admiration of attraction, maxing out his extent of risk-taking. just letting you know that he notices you, physically, but the meaning behind the compliments would remain locked away within him.
he kept the attraction surface-level, filtered behind what was seen as just some friendly teasing. eunseok thought that if he just showed the attraction and not the yearning, he'd be able to keep you close to him forever.
you had decided on an old horror movie, and just ten minutes in, you had already started to drift asleep. somewhere along the way, while scrolling through movies, you had flipped around, and now your head is leaning heavy on eunseok's shoulder,
and he didn't dare to move even though the position was starting to cramp his neck. continuing to watch the screen, but his attention was entirely on the weight of the presence right beside him.
feeling your breath on his collarbone, he looked down at your face. beautiful and peaceful, but in sheer darkness. the painful consequence of his choices became absolute.
what would it be like? he wondered.
what would it be like to be able to lean down and truly kiss you goodnight right now? not an awkward, friendly kiss on the cheek you'd give each other on days like your birthday. but a real, possessive kiss. what would it be like to hold your hand in crowded places not as a buddy, but as something that's earned? to be the person you confided in about the future you're building together and not the future you'd eventually be building with someone else.
that thought, was the worst of all. the thought of you getting to do everything he wanted to do with you, with someone else. the thought of someone else being everything he wants to be to you.
he knew with a certainty that sent chills down his spine, that you are destined to fall in love with someone who wasn't him. and when that day comes, he knows he'll be the first one you go running to, eager to introduce to the lucky guy to get that “big brother approval”.
it grew, a slow and quiet devastation.
eunseok adjusts his position slightly, carefully tucking you into the blanket. he was the gaurdian of your beautiful, complicated relationship and his role determined his survival, even if it meant sacrificing his true happiness for yours.
leaning his head back against the cushion, and right before he closed his eyes, the only thing that was on his mind: he dreamt that you felt it too
letting the sound of the screams from the tv fade into the background as he drifted into sleep.
some of you is better than none of you, he thought.
those words were a vow that whispered into the darkness in the air that stayed between you two. he had you beside him, warm and trusting, tethered to him by years of memories.
it was the only way eunseok knew how to love you—in comfortable, agonizing moments, forever wondering what it's like to be loved by you.
so, he stayed perfectly still, enduring the torture of holding you so close but still remaining out of reach
you met neighbor!anton during your early years of highschool. he was new in town and luckyly for him, you were attending the school he had enrolled to. unlucky for you though because you hated making new friends. what was the need to meet new people when you've been with your group for a few years now? it just felt unnecessary.
neighbor!anton felt something between you two so he never gave up. catching you on the way to the bus stop just down the street from your houses, sitting in the closest seat to you. trying to make small talk—on the way to school, in the lunch line, when the teachers were late to class, even in between bells when you're both rushing to your next shared class—anywhere, if he got the chance.
neighbor!anton was the one who finally got you to open up to the idea of letting new people into your world. maybe it was out of annoyance but you gave him props for being persistent.
neighbor!anton showed you stuff that you never thought you'd experience but things that felt essential once you did them. like going on your first rollercoaster. your friends were all too busy to spend the day at an amusement park so it became something you expected to never do. anton changed that. he took you and made sure you had an amazing time.
you and neighbor!anton continued to grow closer as the years went by. you became friends with his friends and he did the same with yours. he showed you that change is okay, even holding you closer when it scared you and because of that, he was now the person you entrusted the most.
as the end of highschool approached, neighbor!anton wanted to get you something special to celebrate, but he couldn't figure out what exactly was good enough to give you.
the two of you made some of the most beautiful memories since you met and he's felt the way he sees you change over time. while graduation is a week away, neighbor!anton is sure you feel the same way he does. if he's right, then he thought nothing could be better than confessing his feelings as you throw your caps into the air during the ceremony.
as expected, you said yes and the guy who was once known as just your neighbor, became your everything.
anton was your first to many things: your first confession, first date, the first time you ever felt so jealous that it mad you mad—first everything—and you wouldn't have it any other way.
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