Bruce: *walks into Batcave and sees Jason with a guitar*
Jason: Hey B I wrote you a song! *sings to the tune of Piano Man by Billy Joel*
It’s 12 o'clock in Gotham City
The Joker is busy killing everyone
There’s an old man sitting next to me
Makin’ love to his Catwoman cuz he’s nasty
He says, “Son, you gotta stop shooting bad guys”
And I’m like “Bruce, don’t tell me what to do”
Cuz I died and he cried but I came back and stuff
When I wore green Robin panties
(Batkids join in)
La la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum
Sing us a song, you’re the Batman
Beat up some thugs tonight
Cuz you’re boring and brooding and it’s getting annoying
And you’re the one and only Dark Knight
Now Roy from the Outlaws is my BFF
I hang out with him and Kori
And he’s quick with a joke or to shoot an arrow in your foot
And together we like pissing off Batman
He says, “Jaybird you’re the most awesome guy ever”
As we kicked an alien’s ass
And I’m like “I know I’m the coolest
“Learned it all from the All Caste”
Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum
Now Dick was Batman while you were dead
He never had time for Barbara cuz he sucks at relationships
And Tim’s dead inside cuz everyone he likes died
And he probably hasn’t slept in five years
Oh Damian is a murderous freaking demon spawn
Who is probably gonna kill someone the second he’s left alone
Also Steph keeps stealing all the food from my fridge
But I don’t mind cuz I stole it from the manor anyway
Sing us a song you’re the Batman
You have a cool British butler
Also you don’t know when to stop adopting orphans
And you probably need an intervention by now
By the way Cass stole my jacket yesterday
And you didn’t even care when I told you
So I went to all of your Rogues and gave them your number
So suck it old man, you totally deserved it
And you’ve had seven sidekicks so far
And at least six of them have died at some point
Now I’m starting to think maybe that’s a bad sign
But oh well it’s too late to deal with that now
Oh, la la la, di da da
La la, di da da da dum
Sing us a song you’re the Batman
And you’ve got a pet cow for some reason even though I’ve asked you several times for a dog and you kept telling me we couldn’t have animals in the Batcave but I guess that’s just a big fat lie so fuck you Bruce
Well we’re all in the mood for some crimefighting
And by the way you’re really old
Jason: *guitar solo and ends song* What’d ya think old man?
Bruce: *tired sigh* Where is the sweet embrace of death when you need it
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