please change me

Home of the PUMPKIN PARADISE Homestuck postcanon AU!

[pumpkin-paradise-au]

🎃☢️⚔️ANOTHER DAY IN PUMPKIN PARADISE!!!!!!⚔️☢️🎃

Dirk Strider teaches Jade Harley how to swordfight. Jade Harley teaches Dirk Strider how to hold his breath underwater. Together they want to get worse and hurt everyone they care about. Together they are building a fistulous superstructure of steel beams and AC cables straight into the heart of Earth C. It will fix that horrible emptiness inside of them when it turns on. Any day now.

main blog is @fairyshotgun! art and fic tag is #pumpkinparadise ! reblog/spam tag is #pumpkinsworld ! ASKBOX IS WIDE OPEN IF U HAVE QUESTIONS!!!

[guiltfactory]

i like when both people in a relationship are scared of it

[whyenn-reader]

even better when they are not in a relationship but you can't exactly say they are not not in a relationship

[fairyshotgun]

psychically projecting my benign paroxysmal positional vertigo onto Dirk Strider

[pumpkin-paradise-au]

keen eyed viewers will have noticed that I've drawn dirk as a disembodied pair of hands touching jade a couple of times. i think its a good visual metaphor for the way he feels about physical intimacy. i think dirk strider is so unbelievably fucking touch starved at all times he is absolutely desperate for connection but his desperate clinging to his own ego and sense of identity strangle him from ever seeking it out in a straightforward way. to pass his own insane and stupid mental checklist for contact it has to be a part of his '''''mind games'''''. he's doing it with an angle, and the angle is to get a rise out of Harley, so it's totally not weird that he's always grabbing at her. he is so disassociated from his sense of body and autonomy and why he does the things he does he can't conceptualize his own face when touching somebody else. anyway thats what i was thinking about

[pumpkin-paradise-au]

im weak and im not strong enough to make it right now. but imagine jade and the beta kids. or maybe jade and davekat+the mayor

[pumpkin-paradise-au]

I want to inspect more your Dirk, pin him with needles and with an scalpel in my hand //friendly - Orange anon here im just in my laptop!

[pumpkin-paradise-au]

Dirk giving Jade her own piercings hmmmm (assuming Dirk's are selfmade) - 🍊🐈‍⬛

do NOT trust Dirk near you with a piercer you will wake up in a ditch with 14 new holes in your body

[pumpkin-paradise-au]

I am the proud artist behind the single most liked and reblogged image of Jade Harley in the history of this website and I am using that power to draw thousands of pictures of forcemasc dirkjade pornography for my target audience of about four people

[facinaoris]

Letters from Medea, Salma Deera.

[pumpkin-paradise-au]

look i have nothing against davekat these days i think its a good ship. certainly the best written canon pairing. but if you are choosing to write about it you have to acknowledge that jade harley is an open festering wound of a person and davekat is her own personal salt and lemon juice. and if you cant look at that and still find a way to treat her with grace and dignity then i get to beat you to death with a big hammer sorry

[pumpkin-paradise-au]

she was actually a lesbian the whole time! jade: lesbian jade is really fantastic with lots of story potential but be fucking honest with yourselves you are making her a lesbian so she won't get in the way

homewrecking slutty bitch! jade: well this is the route that the postcanon chose to go with so you cant say it comes from nowhere but i do get to hit you with my car for this one

mutually unhappy mitski-esque married davejade! jade: honestly one of my less hated reads, candy route really had something here, but again you better be ready to center Jade's pain and suffering in this relationship

fujo! jade: possibly the biggest insult to Jade's character in my opinion. Jade has nothing and no one in this world. you think she's gonna be demurely thrilled when they start dating each other when she lives in their house? seeing them love each other more than she has ever been loved by anyone in the world? leave her out of this . you hate women

[pumpkin-paradise-au]

when i become homestuck president i am making it illegal to draw cute drawings of dave and karkat kissing each other and wearing matching sweaters unless you have jade in the corner covered in bruises shackled to their radiator like the abuse goblin

[pumpkin-paradise-au]

look i have nothing against davekat these days i think its a good ship. certainly the best written canon pairing. but if you are choosing to write about it you have to acknowledge that jade harley is an open festering wound of a person and davekat is her own personal salt and lemon juice. and if you cant look at that and still find a way to treat her with grace and dignity then i get to beat you to death with a big hammer sorry

[pumpkin-paradise-au]

she was actually a lesbian the whole time! jade: lesbian jade is really fantastic with lots of story potential but be fucking honest with yourselves you are making her a lesbian so she won't get in the way

homewrecking slutty bitch! jade: well this is the route that the postcanon chose to go with so you cant say it comes from nowhere but i do get to hit you with my car for this one

mutually unhappy mitski-esque married davejade! jade: honestly one of my less hated reads, candy route really had something here, but again you better be ready to center Jade's pain and suffering in this relationship

fujo! jade: possibly the biggest insult to Jade's character in my opinion. Jade has nothing and no one in this world. you think she's gonna be demurely thrilled when they start dating each other when she lives in their house? seeing them love each other more than she has ever been loved by anyone in the world? leave her out of this . you hate women

[pumpkin-paradise-au]

look i have nothing against davekat these days i think its a good ship. certainly the best written canon pairing. but if you are choosing to write about it you have to acknowledge that jade harley is an open festering wound of a person and davekat is her own personal salt and lemon juice. and if you cant look at that and still find a way to treat her with grace and dignity then i get to beat you to death with a big hammer sorry

[pumpkin-paradise-au]

Maybe this idea fits on your au: Dirk and Jade matching scars. Jade looking at Dirk's scars, comparing his to hers, Dirk noticed this and talking happens and now we have Dirk giving her a big scar on the hand (or whatever you want it to be) with a knife, Jade does the same to him. - 🍊🐈‍⬛

hhhhhhhhhhhott...,,,,,

[pumpkin-paradise-au]

hello hello :3 anon sliding into your inbox . this blog has successfully hooked me on your ideas . this is really good and i like it a lot and also the paper dolls are adorable . thats all i had to say its very good

your ask made them happy they do a little dance for you

[pumpkin-paradise-au]

average day in pumpkin paradise

[unification]

*torturing you* dude trust me, something really cool happens. you just have to reflect on it for a bit. i'm doing this because i want you to reach your full potential okay?

[cinnamonspiderrrrrrrr]

in order to truly get rid of misogyny in fandoms we need to treat girl characters the same way we treat guy characters. Say you’d hit her with your car. Say you want to see her crying and trying and failing to keep her emotions hidden. Say you want her to get worse. Say you want to chew on her like a squeaky toy. For feminism