rats in the gravy of two gone quite mad without a chance

i'm so much older than i can take

[punkscowardschampions]

[punkscowardschampions]

[punkscowardschampions]

Sylke pt.4

Jake: [it felt right under the circumstances and was very his fam vibe in the OG so why not bring it back, thank god it wasn’t his gf texting him, nobody needs that rn, likewise do something to fix her ootd, I’m gonna say he pulls her sock up where it’s rolled down slightly during the feral antics, purely because I love the socks my boo chose and that’s such an intimate thing to do, once you’ve done that, whilst absolutely getting very distracted, tell her whose this fleece is whether it’s your sister’s or mother’s and how you grabbed it on the way out, unspoken that you were worried about this gal and DESPERATE to see her, you weren’t subtle about that and she very much already knows, unable to not unknowingly and purely as a reflex run his hand through his whurls at the reminder of where they started this irl reunion even though they’re here now and thank god]

Sylvie: [it absolutely is an intimate thing to do and she’s going to have to look away and smile into her hair about it for a hot sec, when we’ve recovered we’re assessing the damage we did via lovebites and all the insanity y’all ended up reaching, nodding approvingly ‘you look good’ because no repentance here today, nope ‘better’ said genuinely as you pull a curl from his hands and tuck it behind his ear, because you really think so and aren’t just being massively big-headed about it]

Jake: [the lovebites and the fucks he doesn’t give about them are a thing of beauty, hence he will be using his phone as a mirror to properly look at them for his own hot sec, likewise nothing but more thrilled when he sees the state he’s in, even if they just look like bruises and not the shapes they’ve meant to be, he’s buzzing to have them for this reason again and not seizure related ones, even if he is frowning at the fact he only really did her forehead one (besides her lips and tongue also being bitten to shit same as his) and THINKING he should’ve done more, it turns into a proud smirk when he lifts up her fringe and looks at his handiwork before LOOKING at her in a way that spells out that she looks even better, what he finally says though is, ‘that’s how you made me feel’]

Sylvie: [tbf, if you were going to do it anywhere, boy, what a place to do it, hence telling him ‘you are insane’ when you’re LOOKING into each other’s eyes, laughing like oh you, so affectionately, because she’s going to have to make up some story to explain that away and we couldn’t care less, leaning in to hug him, a little tentatively, which seems ridiculous given what just happened but it’s after and things always feel slightly more dicey, not to mention intimacy without sexuality, just because you want to hug him, because you missed him and you want him to keep feeling better and better ‘it’s mutual’ muffled by his chest but no less valid for that]

Jake: [iconic and unhinged as a placement but so is his adam’s apple, not very easy to hide, we love to see it, hence joining in with her laugh because you too diva, his eyes are screaming ‘I’m crazy about you’ because so true but like my boo said the after feels fragile and we’re being careful with what we’re saying or doing, still hugging her back harder than she initiated it because feels are too high to not, breathing her in SO deeply because you never want this to end but you know it eventually must and therefore all you can do is try and memorise the details, in this case what she smells like underneath the smoke and the sex ‘I should go home’ phrased like that not I’m going home or anything like that because he doesn’t want to and he isn’t making any move to any time soon but the awareness is nevertheless there]

Sylvie: [making a ‘fair enough’ amused sort of noise because you absolutely both are unhinged and that’s how you want it ‘better than being it on your own’ leaning into this hug harder now he’s given her permission with his own intensity, listening to his heartbeat, to hear it slowing down now y’all have recovered/but also because he isn’t having a panic attack right now and you feel as if you can feel your own heart synching with his, making a noise to acknowledge that he said that like ‘hmm, yes probably’ but not following up with any action of her own ‘I suppose I can’t come with you right now’ because also aware that now is not the time to spring your company on his fam, even though you would just like to run to his room and hole up, that’s not going to be an easy feat]

Jake: [tapping this heartbeat onto her skin wherever he’s holding her rn in this hug, could be his or hers because I’m sure they have synched pretty much or he likewise thinks they have anyway, again it’s giving beat on a song when he hasn’t been writing them ‘it’s a school night’ as if that’s the only thing standing in their way here, also it very much might not be if he’s lost track of the days and it’s friday night in fact, which I’d believe with everything going on, but I wanna say it is so y’all have to see each other at school tomorrow cos my shoulder hurts and I’m evil]

Sylvie: [rubbing her head on him as she nods to say ‘I know’ huffing dramatically because it has been ridiculous bothering with school this whole time, it feels even more so now but you really should be focusing harder considering you’re nearly done but we just can’t, I’m afraid ‘the timing sure is some sick joke’ because you’re not even the one who’s ill, he really has a reason not to be able to concentrate]

Jake: [my boo says I fear these divas aren’t passing their exams without resits and she’s so real for that, nodding back and resting his head on her shoulder into the hug that’s still ongoing because he’s never really cared about school but his fam do, as I’ve had him say before, so he knows damn well the lecture he’s gonna get if he leaves school without qualifications, especially now he also thinks he’ll never perform or make music again, going to say something about how y’all can just run away to Paris and then remembering he can’t, have never closed his mouth faster and she will feel some tension return because he’s got his jaw locked tight like NO NO] 

Sylvie: [you really aren’t, consequences, we are trying to be realistic here, and she likewise doesn’t care really, but school does hammer it home that this is the most important thing in your life so that will be seeping it a bit at this point, even if you genuinely feel like there’s nothing you can do about it, like sorry, my brain won’t cooperate, and yes, we feel this tension like he just shouted in our ear instead of keeping his mouth closed, trying not to flinch but unavoidably doing so slightly ‘fuck school’ with a one shoulder shrug, trying to be casual because we don’t want this chat about this of all things to tank the vibe, no thanks]

Jake: [exactly, as much as we stretch the realism sometimes we want y’all to get away with being feral with no consequences lol, on the whole we do want there to be some, and it isn’t something that would ruin y’all’s lives cos you aren’t planning to go to uni anyway so, here repeating her words but in French like you two are making a lil pact to flunk out together, cos truly, grades are the least of his worries atm, he’s still actively scared of the SUDEP sudden death risk or the having to have a piece of his brain cut out treatment, despite both of those being such a worst case scenario and not what’s going to happen]

Sylvie: [we try our best lol, but precisely, it’s not the path you’re ultimately interested in to begin with, but little do you know that this pact is going to become really REAL before too long, for now, reaching to shake on it and grinning at him ‘we don’t need plans, we have right now’]

Jake: [the urge to SPIT is so real because he’s hit by a flashback of their spit related party antics right after he has the THOUGHT, but deciding to come up with some kind of secret handshake move instead, that he then teaches her, because that feels so American to me and sometimes you are, plus of course you’re into having something secret between just y’all, grinning even wider when he perfects whatever this is and looks like, I’m sure there are multiple refs to things y’alls fingers and thumbs have done to each other before, and he’s defs getting her bitten finger super involved somehow, basically the vibes are so up again ‘I have you right now’ not even thinking about a time when he maybe won’t, just happily blurting that out]

Sylvie: [watching these flashbacks play out on his face in real time with intense fascination because you want to know every thought he has lowkey, never mind when they’re so clearly about y’all and what you’ve got up to, LIVING for this secret handshake, it is absolutely the vibe, even if you must tease him for wanting to mansplain something to you, we know you’re so about it and every secret ref hidden therein, pulling him closer to you when you finish it ‘you have me all the time’ sealing that with a kiss]

Jake: [kiss her like you truly want to believe that because you wholeheartedly do wish you could and did have her with you 24/7, obviously including spitting into her mouth the way you didn’t into her hand so that she can follow your previous train of thought and you’re doing your own promising/sealing with it, with less violence (for once) than when he did it at the party, more romance and finesse because you want her to swallow it so it’s inside her not absolutely cover her face and clothes in it atm]

Sylvie: [oh you two, the way this is peak romance to you, whilst also, obviously, turning you on hardcore, shifting closer to him instinctively, trying to sit in his lap or have her body on some part of his whilst doing such a big SWALLOW, a moan being exchanged and volleyed into his mouth as she clutches onto his shoulders]

Jake: [do pull her into your lap despite saying you had a home to go to because he’s reading her mind as she’s having these thoughts and ideas and he couldn’t agree more, she does need to be closer, as close as she can be in fact, burying his hands in her hair and undoing all his good work untangling it earlier on, accidentally putting a finger in her ear in his !! to be grabby but then deciding fuck it, let’s plug both of them so once again no outside sound or people or interference exists and she’s just immersed in how all this feels]

Sylvie: [‘I don’t want to go home, I want to stay with you’ genuinely whining this and meaning every syllable of it, rolling her head into his hands and parting her lips at how good it feels to have his hands all up in her hair, this is before he’s even started playing with her ears and fully blocking them like that, which is actually going to make her moan his name too loudly, like no one else has fingers in their ears, girl, but we’re only getting more feral, once again, doing the most with her body and how it’s automatically rolling against his ‘I can’t do anything else’ said like you’re bewildered because you are slightly, about how all-consuming it is to want him and how it leaves you good for little else, kissing him so messily so he’s aware you wouldn’t have it any other way, her hands finding their way to the bruising she caused to poke and prod and exacerbate] 

Jake: [here we are again because she’s saying and doing all the right things and he couldn’t be happier, only pausing this makeout to bite off a piece of her fringe because she was meant to leave him some and that never happened because angst got in the way, accidentally swallowing that though because he was trying not to scalp her so it was the tiniest bit ever, like a laughably small single strand of hair as if he’s granny weatherwax catching a unicorn, the fringe edition, but remembering his sister’s penknife (which I didn’t even include for this reason I swear she’s just an outdoorsy girl and it’s an epic concidence) and gesturing for her to reach in his pocket and grab that and cut some off, mouthing his ‘please’ just because, it’s a mood and a throwback to earlier, not because his fingers are in her ears especially, because in the next second he’s telling her how a piece of her can stay with him if she does this, and just talking normally lol]

Sylvie: [none of us have forgotten you didn’t get to do that, devastation all round, hence when he’s biting this tiny amount with his teeth we’re acting scalped with our enthusiastic reaction because want him to have it, also want to be inside him always too, so we’re not mad that he accidentally swallowed that attempt, less so when we understand what he’s asking us to do when we register the pocket knife on these keys we’ve just hurriedly uncovered from his pocket, wordlessly communicating with him via our eyes to check she’s not cutting too much or in a really, really obvious spot (though the unspoken wanting it to be kind of obvious, in some way) as she brings the knife up to her hair and tries to work it out from her angle, hands shaking with excitement]

Jake: [mhmm it was a tragedy and must be rectified on this day, taking his fingers out of her ears so she can hear his enthusiastic reaction to accidentally swallowing that tiny piece of hair, as if she’s now bald and he’s swallowed every strand on her head with how !! he is, I know part of you is tempted to get your phone out of your pocket so that you can let her use it as a mirror so she doesn’t end up looking like fleabag’s sister but a bigger part of you wants her to do it with only your guidance and ofc that’s what wins out immediately, directing her to do it in a spot where the bruise that’ll end up peeping through is also the most obvious, putting his hands over hers, both to steady their shaking and show her where to cut]

Sylvie: [imagine if we did that to her, you’d probably pull it off ‘cos you are just that sort of bitch but still, let’s not get that crazy, please, a lock will be sufficient lmao, y’all are on the exact same wavelength because that’s what she would want him to do too, given the choice, LOOKING at their hands on this knife together until she goes cross-eyed and has to look away, moving to LOOKING in his eyes and doing a singular nod to tell him that it’s okay and to start this knife cutting through your hair with the movement]

Jake: [like, if anyone could pull it off, she absolutely would, but no, he’s obsessed with her hair at the length it is thank you, we can’t even talk about the NOISE that comes out of him when this lil brownie penknife starts to cut (watch out Talia cos he’s gonna wanna give it to this gal as a keepsake because they’re sentimental bitches and he’ll have the hair to keep and she’ll have the gap left behind but her hair will grow back) once again lads, the whole world doesn’t have fingers in their ears, calm down haha, but they never will, it’s quiet cos hushed in that OMG gagged and awed way but it’s blatant in that it can ONLY be a horny af noise and literally nothing else, rolling his hips into hers exactly like she did not very long ago and using that movement when she stops nodding to keep this knife moving]

Sylvie: [my boo says that isn’t yours to keep and then give away, Jacob, I fear they don’t care, and that will rudely disappear lol, oh lads, you’re in your element now, not caring how you sound but also how mental you look if anyone stumbles upon this, like hello??? It is gonna feel like it’s taking a torturously long time too because unlike scissors you sort of have to hack away for a bit to get through and y’all are feeling every damn second of this Moment ™ only keeping still so you don’t accidentally stab him/get stabbed, but it is a whole challenge in itself, to content the extraness you’re holding back for safety’s sake, going in her bag/pockets/wherever and getting her keys to bite the lace off her ballet shoe keychain so she can tie this lock up with a pink ribbon for him how they do for babies and I didn’t plan that either, just perfect, I guess] 

Jake: [at least you can buy her a new pen knife for her bday or christmas whichever is first and pretend you lost it, saner than the truth, oh gosh I know this blade is kinda blunt cos your sister has used it for outdoorsy things and it’s due a sharpen so yes, you’ll both be living for how long this takes despite being a short piece of hair, which will give baby’s first energy too and they love that, telling her how he’s gonna display this in an artsy manner with her baby photo because always gotta do the most never the standard just sticking it on his wall, turning it into art somehow, in full view of his gf when she comes over no less] 

Sylvie: [a thought I had too, tell me you don’t care without telling me you don’t care, faker than Taylor and Travis at this point, lordy, meanwhile, y’all are actually losing your minds, the second we have this hair free we are tying it in the roughest bow you’ve seen in your life and PRESSING it into his palm so seriously]

Jake: [how embarrassing but nobody is thinking about the notp rn, least of all this boy, all he’s thinking about is if the hair she’s given him could be braided into one of his whurls to keep it safe and close to him or if it’s too short, trying to do it but his hands are shaking too much, but least this time it’s for a good reason not an angsty one, and she can help him, even if they don’t manage to achieve the end result they’ll have a lot of fun trying, saying ‘help me’ in French just to say it in your !! tone more than anything]

Sylvie: [thinking so many crazy things about how badly you want to blend your hair with his hair right now, and how that’s literally just the start of it and you want to blend all of you with all of him, thankfully you have to keep your mouth closed because need to concentrate so fiercely to pull this off in your current state, telling him to shh in French whilst she’s studying him, picking the curl that makes the most sense, it’s giving hidden but somewhere he can most easily access and feel all the time ‘are you going to go blonde next?’ like red is just the start and he’s going to work his way through the colours]

Jake: [psst win they wanna have a baby so bad, this is reminding me of those braids everyone used to get on holiday, slay Jacob, we all know her blonde is popping against his dark roots and that red, gorgeous tbh, he’s already obsessed and already touching it the second she’s done/before she even is finished, we really said flaunting everything in Mona’s face today, shaking his head purely so this lil braid moves like tehe ‘I couldn’t pull it off like you’ pretending it’s casual and he isn’t just complimenting her fiercely]

Sylvie: [he’s eating it up, and we do need to find our phone now and take pictures of him, because yes they do wanna have a baby so bad and they aren’t allowed so you better stop it, focus on how cute this boy is and keep your mind solely on him and how clearly into you he is by the way he’s interacting with this braid moment ‘can’t call it a type this time’ from behind this camera like lol, not all your exes/situationships were blonde, at least]

Jake: [I fear we’re going to have to give the abortion storyline to somebody else because if y’all got pregnant you’d just keep it lol, but that’s okay, you’ve got plenty else going on, oh he’s so smitten, hence he’s taking this knife off his sister’s keys and attaching it to her, whether that’s via her clothes or a piece of jewellery she’s wearing, whatever’s realistic but keeps this close to her, ideally touching her somehow so not on her keys, because duh, however many attempts it takes him to do this, his head bowed for the camera so he’s giving her braid angles, a sassy shrug at her sassy comment like he isn’t doing a feelsy gesture at the same time]

Sylvie: [like unless we did it very soon and he was like no, the inherited epilepsy, but that would be quite sad lol, so yes, we definitely don’t have to, more than enough to be getting on with, her top has a zip you could probably hook this knife on so let’s go with that then she can have it on her chest, holding it there as protectively as she held his head before ‘the correct answer is you didn’t know me to know your type’ saying this in French, like that means she’s playing the character of French her, and she doesn’t just mean that shit with her chest, which she absolutely does]

Jake: [it would be very sad and we’re putting you two through enough because she’s got the joys of Bobby’s photos and everything to do with that boy being a menace still to come, (even though she could technically be pregnant from what they’ve gotten up to today and I can’t stop thinking about that which is how you know the weather’s too hot and I’m insane because they don’t need to have a baby and yet I’m tempted haha) there’s other couples in gen 3 we could give that abortion storyline to if we wanna do it, ANYWAY, here and now sassing her by saying ‘I thought the correct answer was, you aren’t my type’ also in French, because she was so adamant she wasn’t]

Sylvie: [win says he knows where to put the abortion storyline to serve us best and he will discuss that with you in his office, but truly, sat here like you’ve not got cum all up in those blue pantaloons, not a care in the world lol, shaking her head to uncover the missing hair spot as much as she physically can, getting up in his grill and feeling her braid in his hair, tugging it so lightly that it won’t go anywhere but we must ‘Your type has changed’ in her silliest French accent, smiling so big]

Jake: [ideas bear strikes again, he’s never too hot and bothered, Jake is though, in the best way, immediately playing with her fringe, styling it with his fingers and sweeping it about so the gap shows the most it possibly can, and his fingers are bruising over her forehead lovebite bruise every so often too ‘my type is you, however you change’ in French, so seriously in contrast to her silliness, thinking of her as a baby right up to an old lady, eras they haven’t lived through yet, hypocrite alert to say this when you pushed her away because you’ve changed, but he is]

Sylvie: [my boo said how about you focus a little of that energy on yourself, sir, but ain’t that some shit, so hard to give yourself the love you give to others ‘except if I change my hair’ teasing because if we dwell on how serious he is being, we will get emotional here, kissing the top of his newly red head ‘you were pretty clear about that rule’]

Jake: [‘I was’ pulling her into him like if he doesn’t then she’ll run off and change her hair ASAP because never gonna get sick of holding her or having her close to us, SUCH daddy energy here with this because how turned on they were by the hair cutting hasn’t gone anywhere, if anything it’s amplified since the braid entered the chat, playing with the knife that’s now attached to her, which is pulling the zip of her top down slightly, exposing some blue bra which he is also running his fingers along]

Sylvie: [‘No one’s ever given me rules before’ shout out real dad for not being that type of father lol, they’re absolutely still extremely turned on, and that’s undeniable once more with the tone in which she just said that and how she’s getting further in his lap and looking up at him full 🥺]

Jake: [‘and you’re that good at following them’ because even more impressive and he’s gotta let her know how impressed he is and what a good girl she is with all the emphasis he’s putting on that word, it’s very important lol, kissing the skin he’s just exposed when pulling that zip down, drawing lil hearts with his tongue, over and over, until he does one as a lovebite like she did on his adam’s apple, small but with !! compared to the softness of the kisses and licking]

Sylvie: [‘I like making you happy’ sounds like a line but is sincerely meant, nuzzling her face into his neck when she says this because already can’t deal with how he’s lightly undressing and kissing her, running her hands down his arms into the sleeves of this fleece so they’re both wearing it and are attached, SQUEEZING his hands when he gives her the lovebite ‘make more rules for me’]

Jake: [when you can hear how sincerely she means it, and that does make you so happy in this moment, wouldn’t think he could get any happier but then she does the sleeve thing and they’re joined together, locking their fingers together so tightly after she’s squeezed his hands while he’s big thinking about what rules he wants to make, because the possibilities are overwhelming, deciding on her not being allowed to shower when she gets home or before school in the AM, because as my boo said only a shower is gonna clean her up and he wants her to stay a mess for when he next sees her in lessons and they’re both sat there knowing the tea, running his hand back over the bra and adding ‘wear these again’ leaving her in no doubt he means the underwear too because he’s likewise lightly pulling on it while LOOKING at her]

Sylvie: [feeling SO normal and SO fine about this, his wrists being clamped on hard enough to genuinely hurt but she cannot help it, if it’s any consolation she has bitten her lip hard enough to draw blood at the same time, nodding furiously ‘you can make a mess there too, if you want’ like it’s casual and you aren’t suggesting he covers you in even more cum and you turn up to school like it tomorrow]

Jake: [kissing her lip better but with extra focus on cleaning up the blood and getting it in his own mouth obvs, when he eventually breaks that kiss, LOOKING her up and down and picturing her in her school lewk and everywhere on her body he could make a mess of her ‘if you make me’ not at all casually, it’s giving instruction like when he told her to fuck him, same tone and everything]

Sylvie: [‘don’t look at me like that’ said like never look at me any other way, thank you, ramping up this kiss and pulling her big coat around them like this will give them the privacy required to make the kind of mess you’re talking about making right now, which, obviously not but y’all can dream whilst you’re here having a lovely time ‘I like making you cum’ said just like she said I like making you happy because equally as true]

Jake: [he shamelessly will be looking at her like that the entire time forever now, even when it’s eye contact it’ll have the exact same energy, loving hiding in this big coat as if it does in fact give them total privacy and freedom to do whatever they want because there’s no world in which he isn’t THINKING about every possible way he could cum on her tits especially, because of wearing the bra tomorrow, but also everywhere else under her uniform and how they could get away with it here and now ‘new rule, do what you love’ ramping it up from like because he knows she do and he loves being free and easy with that word lol, telling her to make it happen however she can, again hypocritical because he isn’t doing what he loves in the larger sense of music and everything but it’s a rule for her and we don’t need to talk about that haha] 

Sylvie: [we’re all thinking about it girls, wishing this coat was big enough to be a tent we could pitch up right here and now so we could carry on doing whatever we want, I say y’all have literally had two orgasms and someone needs to put a stop to this lmao, at least that is easily achieved without needing to totally tank the vibe or anything, going to say ‘I love-’ and me cutting you off with some rowdy, annoying people entering the scene so it really seems like you were about to say an ILY but we’ll never know heheh, being lowkey shook to be so confronted with the fact other people do exist and can see and interact with y’all, looking at him like OH, before rolling her eyes and brushing herself off to stand, offering him her hand]

Jake: [omg not my boo hitting me with a possible almost ILY, she’s evil but so real for that because yes y’all have gotten away with too much here on these streets frankly and other peeps do exist soz, I love the parallel to the party when we interrupted y’all with those rowdy gypsy boys and freaked the fuck out of this one, he’s already gonna be likewise spooked by the sudden unexpected intrusion because he’s been living like a hermit for a month, but the added memory of that night too is gonna rattle him further, taking her hand when it’s offered but it’s clear we’re back to his startled horse mode, gonna say his sister chooses that moment to ring him as well to be like you really need to think about coming home it’s late etc etc, and that further ramps up the interruption, him answering it unthinkingly (like he did Mona’s, another unwelcome parallel for everyone) to lowkey be getting told off, cos depending what meds he’s on, he could have to take them too cos some are twice a day morning and night, so an added reminder of being sick on top of everything else]

Sylvie: [my boo says thanks a lot, randoms, like you simply are going to attract that sort of attention hoeing in the streets, I’m afraid, feeling it go to shit this hard makes her want to clap back at these people but please don’t, we don’t need the smoke, this boy is already going through it the second he answers the phone, which you can kind of hear but are politely pretending to not as you start walking in the direction you’ll need to to go home, turning back to mouth ‘sorry’ because technically your fault he is out, even though you don’t actually think it’s a bad thing he is and you didn’t technically ask him to come get you]

Jake: [mhmm exactly and as it gets later if the pubs are emptying (if it’s that late, we haven’t specified) or people have gotta head home cos it’s a school and therefore work night, there is gonna be more foot traffic at a time when you’d be hoping there’s less, perils of living in the thick of the city lads, anyway, this boy shaking his head trying to convey all those things my boo said because it isn’t her fault and he chose to do this and doesn’t actually regret it, mouthing back that edith piaf banger line, in French, for a nicer throwback, but I’m gonna be mean here and say that even though he’s clearly trying to, he can’t get his sister off the phone for the whole walk back because she’s on a roll working herself up as if the stressy vibe of this era]

Sylvie: [humming the tune of the song to him with a smile as she goes to turn around and keep walking, oh Talia, know this is a lot for you too girl, with your collective family trauma, but zip it lol, turning around sporadically to give the sort of oop, she’s still going looks to him, because you had suspicions his fam would be a lot but you’re inadvertently getting a taste of that now and you feel for him; when you reach the place in the road where he has to go one way and you another, stopping to be like, well, this is us then]

Jake: [I’m glad she’s getting a taste of the added pressure his fam is accidentally piling on even though I’m not glad his sister won’t hush to give them a sec to enjoy this walk together, I simply gotta be a bit evil though since we’ve been too nice, when they reach the literal fork in the road, hurriedly telling his sister he’ll be right there and putting the phone down on her before she gets a chance to keep talking because he can’t just let this girl walk off, catching up to her because he was understandably hanging back so she didn’t hear all the tea word for word in her ears too, and pulling her into what can only be described as a desperate and frantic hug, because this is his last chance, tonight at least]

Sylvie: [it’s important, not that she ever disbelieved him but now you have a better understanding, oh lads, have your hug like the world is ending, you must, even though she’s saying ‘I’ll see you tomorrow’ and ‘we can talk tonight, when your sister comes up for air’ you also feel the !! need to make this moment last as long as you can]

Jake: [mhmm it was a necessary glimpse for her to have cos he was being all depressed and hopeless so it’d be easy for her to think he’s kinda exaggerating how much his life sucks rn and being a bit dramatic, this hug meanwhile is what’s dramatic, he’s practically lifting her off her feet with the force of, trying to breathe her in completely for a final time because a side effect of his meds is that he can’t think the same as he used to and he’s worried he hasn’t committed everything to memory enough, even though he’s echoing her sentiments that yes he will see her tomorrow by saying whatever their first lesson together is and the o clock, like it’s a date or I’ll be there energy, not commenting on if they can talk later because he doesn’t know when his sister will chill the fuck out and if by then he’ll have to be going straight to bed cos sleep deprivation is one of the worst triggers, so not wanting to make a promise he has to break this soon, even casually]

Sylvie: [we get it boy, we’re wrapping ourselves around him like he’s being taken from us because that’s how it feels, it’s giving drama but we’re not putting words to it, fumbling to find the braid to make sure it’s still there, that that really happened, breathing a sigh of relief at the confirmation, like okay, I guess I can leave then]

Jake: [thank god for the physical reminders or y’all would feel and go insane, therefore he’s seeking out her bruised forehead in a similar vein, kissing it in a not at all chaste or goodnight manner, very sloppy hungry makeout coded actually to put some of his anger and !! at having to leave somewhere, saying into it ‘I’ve got to go’ but instead putting his mouth on the gap in her fringe and staying like that]

Sylvie: [mhmm, hence the way this insane forehead makeout hurts is nothing but a good thing in our book, shifting closer to him when he says he has to go, saying ‘I know’ right into his face as you do nothing to let him lol ‘I wish you lived next door’ because how close he does is still not close enough and you want him right next to you at all times, basically] 

Jake: [absolutely his feeling on it too so he’s also gonna grab the lovebite he did on her chest hard enough to cause her pain when she shifts closer to him, gotta be PRESSING into it as hard as he can as if he’s scared it’ll have faded by tomorrow or indeed there won’t be a tomorrow, only letting go of her fringe so his mouth is free to say ‘I wish you could come with me’ and staying in that close proximity, LOOKING into her eyes so fiercely]

Sylvie: [‘I can, tell them I can’t read a social cue to save my life’ like lol, I don’t care, knowing he isn’t going to agree but also wanting to let it be known that you really don’t care, if he wanted you to, you would]

Jake: [smiling and kissing her on the mouth cos he can’t agree to this but he loves her and the fucks she doesn’t give ‘you’re inspiring’ kissing her again, harder and longer than the quick smooch the first one was, eventually breaking the kiss and taking a step away towards the direction he needs to go, but doing the thing where he holds her hand as he does and lets it stretch between them as their arms have to more and more to still be connected until they can’t because he’s gradually walking off step by step]

Sylvie: [crossing her fingers on both hands because we hope we are, we want to be how we were before, putting everything we have into this kiss, all the unspoken longing perfectly illustrated by y’all being connected until that’s a physical impossibility, walking far enough that she has technically walked away but stopping to watch him leave until he is fully out of sight before she walks all the way home]

Jake: [oh lads, cinematic to the literal very end, I love it for you, this boy won’t love that he has to go home and be told off by his sister some more and give her her keys back and lie that her pen knife fell off and take his meds and go to sleep, but needs must, I’m not gonna let y’all talk any more tonight because you’ve done enough and it’ll make seeing each other at school tomorrow more !! but I am gonna do some posts on his socials because he brought it back and made it private just for her and that’s real for what you’d do when you’re trying to fall asleep]

Sylvie: [love that for you, sir, well, not really ‘cos ugh but I look forward to my boo’s socials lol, I’ll post this bit for us]

[punkscowardschampions]

Sylke pt.3

Jake: [if you can’t wild out together on this day, when can you, it’s gotta be done, hence I’m gonna say they do fall onto the cold hard ground as has been threatened to almost happen many a time and honestly would now with how he’s losing himself to these antics, landing on top of her hard enough to properly hardcore wind them both (and god knows what other bruises or scrapes y’all will also end up with as mementos that you’re unaware of here and now) so her name is being mouthed because there’s no air or sound able to escape but that isn’t stopping him or meaning her name hasn’t been forced out of him too, especially when all he can think about when their bodies slam together that hard is how if clothes weren’t in the way rn every inch of him would be deep inside of her, which is why even though arguably hitting the deck should be a wakeup call, instead he’s moving against her with even more purpose and !! than before, lining himself up again exactly after they fell in a slightly chaotic heap, GRABBING onto her hips with as feral energy as when she dug her nails into his]

Sylvie: [my boo said you gotta fall down and honestly, it tracks, so turned on by being winded by him so fiercely that she can’t even hide it if she wanted to, clutching onto him how you do when you’re the one being landed on, and you’re absorbing that impact, dusting his shoulders off and LOOKING at him with her dilated to hell eyes because checking he’s okay doesn’t even need to happen because of the way he’s carrying on like nothing did just there, WATCHING how he’s lining up their bodies, anticipation as real as if they’re going to do it for real because once again, oh how you wish you were, trying and failing to stay still because you want it too bad]

Jake: [it’s giving before she got to his house and he had to dramatically sit down by the door when he was waiting for her or at the venue when he practically slid down the wall, same language of not being able to stay upright because you’re too !! not to mention sick and weak, just a logical conclusion and parallel, anyway, her dilated pupils turning him on even more because yet another confirmation she does really want him, doing another MOAN about it even louder than before and unmuffled by anything this time, sounding like an animal as he continues to move, but it’s a good comparison now, STARING into her eyes, practically willing them to roll back with the force of it, and really doing the most to encourage her body to react as much as his is]

Sylvie: [you had form before you were sick, it’s even more of a thing in your current state, god bless, we’re not complaining right now, quite literally doing the opposite, whimpering directly into his ear about his MOAN and how this all feels, because we cannot deal with how we’ve gone from radio silence nothingness to you being SO here and SO present, kissing, licking and sucking on his ear now we’re there because that isn’t kissing kissing so you can, hands in his now red curls because you have to be all over him so he knows how much you’ve missed him, goes without saying you’re matching his rhythm with zero hesitation, there’s no stopping now]

Jake: [what a rollercoaster y’all are on, but at least he is in the moment and hasn’t scared himself out of it thinking about seizure triggers or anything, hence there is no stopping, neither of you dare to have a coherent thought right now, all we’re doing is focusing on how good this feels, that said he is gonna hit by an epic flashback of when he wouldn’t leave his ear alone to the point of marking it when he was obsessing over the piercing he wants when she’s giving his all that attention and there is the possibility she could leave one, and ofc he’s that into it and the fact she’s making out with him by another name as well as how her body’s reacting to his that without a single thought of fuck given for where they are, he’s moving her clothes aside enough that he can take the same fingers, equivalent to whichever ones of hers they both bit, and push them inside her, as far as he did her fingers into his mouth (which was giving as far as possible) thrusting them in and out so she’s LOUD and INDECENT in this at least semi public setting and it makes him gasp, like he genuinely didn’t expect her to be as turned on as this by him ‘you’re so wet’ being the first thing he says, with real shock and awe like omg you do still want me]

Sylvie: [no thoughts just vibes, which is how it’s always been, getting in your head will fuck you over every time, and we say not today lol, totally reading his thoughts vis-à-vis the ear and giving him a cheeky little lovebite on the lobe, we will not apologise to your girlfriend because we hate her and on the ear it could just look like a bruise of any other kind anyway but WE KNOW, I would say we are GAGGED by what happens next but the amount of NOISE that we’re able to produce (that does nothing to cover all the NOISE he’s making with your body at the same time) would suggest otherwise, doing that sort of laugh like are you joking/taking the piss out of me because well yes ‘of course I am’ like have you seen what you’re doing to me, boy, in the middle of the street, no less]

Jake: [my boo says sucks to suck Mona and she’s so real for that, not that Jacob is even remembering he has a gf rn, far from it, the earlobe lovebite has him completely gagged because the perfect way to not only really anchor him in this moment but remind him it really happened later, making such a good NOISE of his own about it like it hurt so much, LOOKING at her again and shaking his head (and his whurls at her) because he’s so serious and so seriously surprised that he can still make her body do that, going even harder for a minute ™  as though he’s got something to prove, really fingering her like his life depends on it (and also again like he’s composing a song with a very fast, loud and indecent beat) his ragged breathing as fast and synced up to these antics, only stopping when his fingers start to cramp because he hasn’t done any writing or guitar playing or anything for this whole month, he’s truly been sitting at school staring into space pretty much, pulling them out of her and going to town himself sucking on them and tasting her, because as compensation for being forced to stop goes, it’s the best one]

Sylvie: [as that old lady in Game of Thrones said… lmao, it’s absolutely not being thought about by her either in this moment but as far as not causing him grief later, I’ll do you that solid, you’re welcome, oh divas, here being just the most indecent wilding in these streets, there’s going to be no sense of unfinished business about it because so insanely needy that he’s got her here DYING immediately, like it looks like he’s attacked her the way she’s struggling to breathe here on the cold hard ground and we are MEZMERISED as we watch him sucking on his fingers now, putting her hands over her heart to feel how insanely fast it’s beating because it doesn’t feel possible/this may all be a fever dream ‘you’re so hot’ breathlessly said with the same energy as he said you’re so wet, like she can’t even believe he exists]

Jake: [how healing that y’all are back being feral in public, just like old times, while she’s watching him he’s watching her struggle to breathe and genuinely so close to cumming all over himself at that visual combined with the taste of her flooding his mouth, resting his head on her chest to feel her heart hammering against his lovebitten ear, fitting his body perfectly back into hers like he never moved a muscle, letting her feel the insane effect she’s having on him as he’s reaching to push the fingers that have just been all up in his mouth in hers, so she can taste both herself and even more of his spit + maybe some blood considering his lip was bleeding earlier and they’re only been more feral since, I’d believe he might’ve rebitten it when they first hit the deck if nothing else, or when she did those ear antics if not, there’s many possible moments, including actually when she’s calling him hot with the same level of awe truly, because that would gag him, hearing she still thinks so, let’s go with that option gals, why not]

Sylvie: [wrapping her shaky legs around him to pull him even further into her, playing with the earlobe that is not pressed into her chest whilst they’re like this, teasing and pulling it, suggesting you’re going to bite that one too, what you’re actually going to do is bite your own tongue because the same FUCK reaction to tasting herself and him combined, so overwhelmed in the best way possible, bringing her head up to even more urgently pull his fingers into her mouth, making EYE CONTACT despite the desire to let said eyes roll to the back of your head at this point]

Jake: [taking his turn to fuck her mouth with his fingers like she was doing to him before they hit the deck, really enjoying and continuing to look for and trace the indent of her teeth in her tongue over and over again, pressing into it with his fingers and making it worse, trying to dig nails he doesn’t have into it so some of his already chipped nail polish is defs coming off in her mouth too, because he’s likewise overwhelmed, barely moving because he’s gonna cum if he do but unable to stay still, just writhing against and burrowing into her in a way that again feels very animal, his eyes once again screaming at her and pleading with her in such a !! manner as they’re locked in this eye contact]

Sylvie: [me like I certainly hope anyone who has stumbled across you has just as quickly exited because this is becoming a spectacle for real, like, we get it, but you gotta remind him how hard you practised for the oral of it all and how much you loved doing it (but the once, sad times), this paired with doing as much as you can with just your body to encourage him to cum how he so clearly needs to, nodding like it’s okay/you gotta, mouthing a ‘please’ at him around his fingers, ofc]

Jake: [truly, nobody needs to see this and they deffo don’t need to be interrupting it at this point ‘I haven’t since’ like that’s a full sentence but it’s obvious he means he hasn’t cum since he did in her mouth when she’s doing all that to remind him of when, very hard for him to currently even get those 3 words out (I love that it’s unintentionally 3 as was ‘you’re so wet’ the only other thing he’s said, I didn’t plan that and neither did he but an accidental slay) but he’s gotta let her know just how big of a deal this is, burying his head into her chest like he’s so embarrassed but actually he’s just mouthing at her nip through her clothes]

Sylvie: [a slay is a slay however we reach it, and we’re reaching it today, honey, she’s here floored that he hasn’t cum since then, like she didn’t think it’s been a 24/7 fuckfest fun time, obviously, but not even once or by himself, we are shook and even more determined to help him now ‘is it all for me?’ as if that’s the only reason he hasn’t, pushing her chest into him and using the movement to do the most with the feral dryhumping y’all are engaged in]

Jake: [it sounds peak romance said out loud when for once you weren’t planning a gesture you were just going through it lol, this loverboy here for it and romanticising it in his heart regardless, using his frantic nod at her question to nuzzle into her chest even more, biting her nip when she pushes it into him, through her clothes so not hard enough to almost take it off me or mali style but still hard enough she’s gonna feel it that’s for sure because her dryhumping is making him lose his mind and it isn’t enough that she can already tell, he needs to let her KNOW he’s so agonisingly close]

Sylvie: [you’re welcome, boy, cling to it because the truth just sucks and who cares about that when you can, if just for this moment, be poetic about it again ‘I want to take it’ just in case that wasn’t clear, having to swear when he bites her nip, through gritted teeth, which you would think was from pain but it’s actually from holding back on pulling your clothes entirely to the side and going for it here and now so you can really take it, because it becomes more and more tempting every moment that passes here]

Jake: [reacting like she’s the one who bit him not the other way around with how his whole body is fully arching into hers and trembling because hearing her swear has got him like that, he always loves it but especially now that he’s in his angry bear era, saying her name so breathlessly and with such feeling it could just as easily be his own swear word or please or ILY, his eyes forever locked on hers and screaming how badly he needs to let go and the reassurance that he isn’t gonna fr drop down dead or something if he does]

Sylvie: [holding either side of his face, meeting his pleading EYE CONTACT and nodding so definitively, before not ungently pushing his head back down into her chest like lock in, you got this ‘you can bite me again, anything’ adding the anything there like it’s so throwaway but you really mean that shit, whatever it takes ‘I’ve got you’]

Jake: [really taking that anything and running with it because what he’s gonna do after LOOKING at her for a second with his head on her chest is lift it back up and drag her face to his via a very ungentle hair PULL, crashing their mouths together so roughly, biting her tongue but this time unlike with her finger fitting his teeth into her indents as best he can, his chapped lips so rough they’re sticking to hers, giving her bottom lip all the attention she gave his earlobe, going for it until it makes him cum and he makes the most unholy SOUNDS into her mouth, feeling like he’ll never stop because the amount of jizz feels like it’ll truly never stop]

Sylvie: [win says kissing kissing kissing! We are so back, this girl getting so immediately excited, she is out here headbutting him in her haste to be kissing because it’s finally happening, thank you jesus lol, kind of loving how rough his lips feel in this moment, how vaguely violent this all is feels correct after the month you’ve had, never mind the one he has, holding onto him like both your lives depend on it, because we’re going to keep you tethered to us even if we both fly off into space because this is so needed, has never kissed anyone with such ferocity and unexpressed emotion, it’s taking her breath away with every kiss but we cannot stop, even as we’re helping him ride out his orgasm]

Jake: [we are so back and I’m so glad, however shortlived it is or isn’t cos we never know with y’all in this era, here in this moment you’re living your absolute best lives, continuing to kiss her even though he’s so dead that he barely can and his frantic gulping breaths have given him hiccups because now that we’ve started we aren’t going to stop cos honestly the hiccups being violent and kind of painful when he refuses to deal with them just adds to it the way his chapped lips like sandpaper did for her, it’s part of the immaculate vibes]

Sylvie: [who can say, none of us lmao, no one can blame y’all for continuing to kiss like you’re in the comfort of your own homes or something, not just on the cold hard ground, giggling at his hiccups because they are so cute, into the kiss, obviously, not stopping for nothing, doing the electroshock move into his sides to try and scare them out of him but you’re actually just being silly and no help at all, wrapping her arms around his neck and making such a happy yet overstimulated so kind of pained noise right into his mouth]

Jake: [my boo says get a room but they will not, never mind the fact this boy is gonna look and feel like he’s pissed himself and so will she, I hope you’ve got dark coloured trousers on at least hun because I’ve been rude to this boy and he has not, outfit incoming, pushing her hair behind her ears roughly and messily because he isn’t stopping the kisses either to look what he’s doing and do a neat job, he’s just letting her know she’s adorable too and so babygirl and taking his excuse to be all up in it, making such a relieved noise into her mouth because he couldn’t have cum more dramatically and the sky hasn’t fallen in, not that she knows about the seizures yet but he knows he hasn’t triggered one, smiling, which makes it seem like he’s thrilled she’s so overstimulated rn and where’s the lie, both things can be true]

Sylvie: [I have no clue, maybe I will be inspired by my boo’s work to do one of my own, we shall see, smiling back at him, closing her eyes for the first time in what would feel like forever, basking in this moment because even though you do not know the full tea, he gave clues and made allusions, so you also recognise this as a milestone, and as far as you’re concerned, a step in the right direction, hence the ‘hey’ as she’s planting a lil kiss right in the corner of his mouth, like he’s only just turned up]

Jake: [gently kissing her closed eyelids in contrast to how rough he’s mostly been for this entire interaction, with a tip of her nose kiss like boop in between as he goes from one to the other, trying to memorise her face and really take her in, because it feels like he’s forgotten or was starting to forget so many details about her, moving off her so he isn’t squashing her into the cold hard ground as fiercely and can study her from a little more distance too, letting his attention travel down every body part in turn as he goes from lying to sitting on the floor, smiling bigger because she’s her and not a stranger and everything is more than okay here in this moment]

Sylvie: [mirroring this studying of every feature and body part because you both need this moment, because aside from some weight loss and exhaustion, he is still the same person and he is hot and you’d recognise him anywhere, pulling him back in for a SQUEEZING hug and using it to pull you both up into a seated position]

Jake: [just hold her for a second and breathe her in until that calms you down and your body fully relaxes for the first time in a month, it’s very necessary and more beneficial than a breathing exercise or anything your family is trying to make you do atm wellness wise, hearing some people and being aware for the first time that y’all aren’t alone on a dead planet but not being spooked by it the way he would’ve been earlier because she’s reset his nervous system with this hug (and by letting him cum for the first time in forever too, we know) resting his chin on the top of her head and doing a hot lol into her messy hair as the randomers go by because y’all look a state but you don’t care]

Sylvie: [you likewise had no idea how badly you needed that hug until you had it, saying ‘I’ll come over and do that every night’ into his chest, meaning the hug but not minding if he thinks you mean that whole performance because we’d do that too lol, y’all truly do look a mess, but could not be happier to hear his laugh again, leaning up to kiss his cheek about it, hiding under your hair as you give him heart eyes]

Jake: [taking forever and a day to smooth out her what looks like shameless sex hair with his fingers, not just running his fingers through it as standard but detangling it so carefully with them too while he returns the heart eyes and smiles at her so lovingly, hilarious juxtaposition of them being sat in the street doing this instead of comfy cosy at home, doing her button and/or fly up then too, if she has one to do up, or just adjusting her clothes for her if not, because they were far too distracted to check if she was flashing anyone before now lol]

Sylvie: [such domestic scenes in such an inappropriate setting, you love to see it, making such a mischievous oops kind of face as he’s helping her be fully dressed and presentable because would’ve let him get her naked then and not batted an eyelid about it, LOOKING down at his crotch because yes, it is very obvious what just happened ‘I didn’t do a very good job at keeping you tidy’]

Jake: [the temptation to hook up there and then was the realest, it could’ve so easily gone that way and I wouldn’t have even been surprised, pulling her to him via her top or jacket, a fistful of either or both so that she’s sitting on his lap and hiding it because after he’s followed her gaze and seen how ridiculously obvious it is and that he’ll have to walk home like that (however short the distance) he’s mostly secretly thrilled with himself that he managed to cum like that lbr but pretending he’s embarrassed and shy so he can have her that close to him, remembering the gig night and how light her jeans were then so vividly, LOOKING down at her crotch to compare to whatever she’s wearing now and how visible it is or isn’t, getting SUCH a strong urge to start fingering her again that he buries his face into her neck, huffs like an angry Ang and kicks at her shoe with his battered gardening birkenstocks like UGH so true and I’m so mad at you about it]

Sylvie: [biting her lip as she gets comfortable in his lap, simultaneously remembering every time she has been here before and imagining taking his clothes off now enough to ‘help’ him not get any more cum anywhere but inside her, having to shake her head to try and stop thinking about that so hard that she can’t concentrate on the here and now ‘it’s cheating to make me wetter’ like oh how dare lol, as if he was comparing the state of you to him and is trying to win by making you worse now, tilting his face towards her via a casual chin hold]

Jake: [when she tilts his face towards hers, locking eyes yet again (I’ve lost count of how many times they have at this point lol) with such intensity, trying to read her mind and be transmitted every thought she was just lost in because he knows she was THINKING something but not exactly what, then his dramatic af gaze travelling down to her lips, searching to see if there’s teeth marks there too from that lip bite at the same instant as his thumb is reaching out to brush over her bottom lip, slow and deliberate, leaving the tip of his thumb poking into her mouth just slightly, like their tongues were poking out before, when he’s done, to keep her mouth slightly open how he was obsessed with it being earlier ‘it’s too soon to bring up cheating’ playfully, mischief in his eyes and tone because that’s exactly what they’ve just done, technically, again, but is he sorry, no, very much not]

Sylvie: [maintaining the eye contact as she thinks every unhinged thought she can, only obvious in the blush these thoughts elicit because refuse to look away about it, only allowing herself to swirl her tongue around the end of his thumb, not taking it any deeper into her mouth, kissing it with a sigh ‘tell me to be good, Jake’ because certainly does not want to be now and the only way we will be is on his say so, hence we’re smirking up at him at this cheating comment because no one here is sorry ‘it’s never too soon to start cheating’ like lol, you should’ve called me immediately]

Jake: [smirking so cocky and so smug at her blush but being immediately humbled when her tongue moves around the tip of his thumb and it reminds him of all the attention she paid to the tip of his dick and how that felt and he’s gotta shift his body so unsubtly underneath her about it, feeling like however dead he was his dick just came dramatically back to life with a twitch that was like something out of Frankenstein or a zombie film, pushing his thumb into her mouth and writing ‘Nn’ against her bottom lip because no he doesn’t want her to be good rn, pressing it against her bottom teeth hard enough to leave an indent, like she’s a fish and his finger is a hook, holding her there in place for a second but letting her go so she can do her smirk and speak, pressing the same thumb against his closed chapped lips, like a shh but not at all because doesn’t want her to]

Sylvie: [likewise very pleased with herself to get that reaction from him so soon after, beaming about it so he knows, like the satisfaction isn’t just radiating from her lol, at least you are being shhed by him hooking you like a fish and then closing your lips with his thumb, which you are INTO, using your eyes to communicate everything you can’t, such a knowing LOOK because you know he never wants you to be good, not like that, anyway, leaning her weight into him so he has to support her on let her crash into him to kiss again]

Jake: [enjoying the fact y’all get to have a slower and spittier messy but romantic af makeout sesh here and now that he isn’t feral with the violent urge to cum, just exploring her mouth in almost disgusting way, getting reacquainted with it thoroughly it’s giving Timmy and Lily Rose depp on that boat in the sense that they didn’t need to do that much and nobody asked, feeling like a first kiss and yet so familiar because very reminiscent of their actual first kisses too, love it for you lads]

Sylvie: [you deserve a proper little makeout moment, divas, enjoy it, try not to get emotional and fail, because we already are, it can never be overstated, in literal words and actions, how much we have missed him and how happy we are to be here with him now, just further hammering home how in love you are with every exploratory move here, nbd]

Jake: [they do deserve a proper long makeout, I’m only calling time on it because his hand moves from her waist to her waistband/belt loops/fly and button, depending what we’re working with here, because it cannot be overstated how much he cannot leave her alone and wants to touch her again, but I’m not letting him cos I’m gonna say he hears people nearby (instead of walking past this time) or these fools sitting on the cold hard ground are being illuminated cinematically by a car going by, something like that, to remind him they aren’t alone and he isn’t gonna get away with it rn, soz diva, so instead asking her ‘got a light?’ because it’s the sassiest way to ask for a cigarette in English (and it’s gotta be because he asked in French earlier in the convo) and for y’all personality in works with the ref of her being his spark and her being Paris which is the city of light, anyway he’s hoping that either he’ll have a smoke and maybe calm down (unlikely lol) or they’ll get to have the hot moment they both wanted before while they impatiently wait for everyone else in the world to leave]

Sylvie: [valid, it’s about time we interrupt you, you got away with quite enough there, shielding her eyes and scowling into this car light so the people inside know she’s fuming about it, as if they’re the ones who shouldn’t be here and they have every right to be sprawled out in the middle of everything lol, turning back to him and our features instantly softening, rummage around in your pockets to find your cigarettes and lighter, holding it in your mouth to light because he said it had to touch her lips first so it’s important, handing it to him before actually taking a drag though]

Jake: [you can’t be feral forever or y’all end up hooking up on this streets and that can’t be happening on day 1, he did say that well remembered, he’ll be giving her heart eyes about it because it do be such an important detail, meanwhile me googling how long of a break before cigarettes make you feel lightheaded and sick again and google ai is saying 2-4 weeks unless you’re a heavy ass smoker which he is not so I ate that, looking STUNNING af when he takes his first drag but immediately getting the fear a seizure is in fact looming when those symptoms strike because I haven’t been evil enough and I want to, such an instant OH NO coming over him because of course that’s his go to and not his month off, going pale and clammy and his hand shaking holding that offending cigarette, passing it to her like well if I’m gonna be hitting the deck again in a sec I better not be holding this]

Sylvie: [when it’s hitting so immediately that you are almost snatching that cigarette off him before he’s even fully extended his hand to give it to you, it’s this girl assuming he’s having a panic attack, despite not even knowing herself that that’s what they are, because she’s been having them about him, (I peppered in that she keeps being woke up and freaking out), so telling him ‘it’ll pass, give it a sec’ wishing she had a water to offer but we were not that prepared, instead putting the coldest thing we have to hand, which is probably your phone case, on the back on his neck and sort of pushing him (casually, not forcing obvs lol) into the head between the legs sort of position at the same time, backing off after that because don’t need to crowd him]

Jake: [oh Jacob I’ve been there the 2 times I’ve tried cigarettes, I know the struggle diva even without the added health anxiety you’ve got going on, it makes perfect sense to me that this would trigger a panic attack like when we did the OG party and he thought he was about to have a seizure and he was actually having a panic at the prospect, alas there’s no hummus to hand this time but she’s doing the right thing nevertheless, the coldest thing could also be her lighter if it’s metal but anyway, she’ll find something and it’ll help, as will dramatically reaching for her hand across the distance she’s created, unthinkingly but of course he wants her comfort at a time like this, again so me, I say ground me my boo when I’m floating off and away]

Sylvie: [someone outside just had one, and I say thank you for the ambience provided lol, SQUEEZING his hand back as tight as she can, running her nails up his forearm too whilst she’s there, varying the sensation so he has something else to attempt to focus on, tell him about the first time you tried a cigarette, however long ago this was, because no one is a professional from the jump, you have to get used to it lol, even if you’re just here providing background noise, it’s also a story you haven’t told him before about younger you, not asking AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, but the question is there in the … if he feels up to a reply or nah]

Jake: [we love a supportive queen coming in with actually helpful solutions especially when he’s been severely lacking any lately, this panic attack is something manageable and if he wasn’t already in love with her he would be at how she’s handling it, his other hand that isn’t squeezing hers for dear life going to her wrist, tracing over where he wrote his signature what feels like forever ago and pressing into the ghost of the lovebite that once was too, finally feeling her pulse because even if it’s !! because of her worry for him in this moment it’ll still be steadier than his and that’s what he wants to feel (very much giving when he was messing with the muscles and bones of her hand earlier), all those things helping him as well as everything she’s doing exactly right, keeping his eyes closed and letting her words wash over him while he listens and breathes but by the time she’s done he’s smiling at how adorable her younger self is and feeling less shaky, attempting to swap stories and give her a reply because even if he feels still a bit far away at first, it’ll get easier and he’ll be able to be more animated, can’t keep a former theatre kid down lol]

Sylvie: [watching his tracing and asking him if he has his Sharpie, like he’s that level of famous that he can’t leave the house without one, calming herself because he’s getting his colour back and all the other subtle shifts that show the person is coming out the other side of it and this doesn’t need escalating, so moving back closer to him to rest her hands in his lap so he can continue to mess with them if he wants, rolling her eyes at him affectionately because I know this story has such pretentious vibes and she can’t pretend to hate it at this point ‘you’ve not got any cooler’ like nerd then nerd now tehe x]

Jake: [oh absolutely, I know he lit it with a match instead of a lighter like such a performative male and that isn’t even the half of it lol, but anyway, checking his pockets because he left the house in such a hurry that god only knows what’s in there, he certainly doesn’t, but as we know finding just his phone (which I didn’t bother to include because it’s the same as his grey era school lewk) and his sister’s keys, looking to see if she has a pen or some lipgloss on them that he could write on this girl with but Talia does not, putting them both away like oh what am I like, but the frown he was gonna do at being sharpie thwarted turning into a little smirk when he sees the absolute state of his crotch again in its full glory, playing with her fingers like he did at the gig, just messing in such a boyfriend coded manner, but within that, using his fingers to encourage hers to be all up in that crotch mess too like LOL yes I have, I couldn’t have been cooler during those feral moments]

Sylvie: [he says Talia you have let me down, like she’s not looking for you/her keys as we speak haha, keep looking diva, we’re healing and thriving here, taking this encouragement to mean he wants you to attempt to draw on yourself with the remaining wetness of both y’alls crotches, grinning back like challenge accepted, the way you can almost perfectly replicate his signature because you studied it so hard every time he’s done it, nbd, getting distracted by feeling him up unashamedly for a moment because not used to it, will never be over getting to touch him like this, looking up and asking him how he feels now for the double entendre of it all but actually we do wanna know]

Jake: [soz you’re not jali and you won’t be carving into each other with her pen knife on this day, unaware that he’s playing with the bracelet his sister gave him for emotional calm, anxiety-induced overthinking  and to encourage him to stop suppressing his feelings (all properties sodalite has because she’s got his number haha) to the point that he’s risking snapping it like his pearls because if perfectly replicating his signature wasn’t enough she’s also touching him up, please don’t though boy cos your sister would be devastated hence you’ve been wearing it nonstop and still are in the absence of all other jewellery atm, stopping messing with this bracelet in the nick of time because he’s taking her wrist and licking it, as if he’s just cleaning her up instead of blatantly going over this signature with his tongue, as they have both done before, likewise getting distracted by putting so much flourish on that, practically giving himself a new signature he’s being so extra, ‘you know’ said against her pulse because she can feel how she’s making him feel with her touch rn and he can feel her pulse responding to his too] 

Sylvie: [soz, y’all aren’t at that level of unhinged yet, and you aren’t exactly up to bloodletting right now, Jacob, so let’s calm down and keep at this already too feral for the time and place level, thank you, hot loling here like this is the most ticklish thing she has ever experienced, and I’m sure it does a bit but mostly you’re just using it as an excuse to make some noise to get out some !! about this, also using being tickled as an excuse to touch him more egregiously because it’s his fault for making you wriggle around like this ‘I know’]

Jake: [god bless y’all for never being appropriate for the setting and he isn’t about to start now because he’s taking his opportunity to really tickle her, her stomach ofc because it’s such a them feelsy body part and has been many a time, at first just doing it standard and over her clothes, but when she says her ‘I know’ for obvious reasons getting distracted and !! so pulling her top up to write JC repeatedly all over the bare skin of her stomach, taking on even more added significance since y’all discussed baby names as well by the way] 

Sylvie: [more significance indeed, resisting the urge to blurt out that you’re still his (thanks to the Bobby of it all that we’re all ignoring), but it’s obvious you were about to say something, so being distracting yourself and blowing a raspberry on his neck because we can all be childish with it lol]

Jake: [ohoho he knows damn well she was gonna say something so no hesitation at all in blowing his retaliation raspberry on her bare stomach, very jali coded of y’all again because he has done that haha, to one up her how they love to do but also like it’s a torture tactic that’ll force the words out, ofc when he’s there he can’t resist repeating writing the JC all over her with his tongue, getting so low on her stomach with this it’s giving oral flashbacks and the reminder of when she scratched his name there with the earring]

Sylvie: [bringing the vibes today appaz lol, and vibes they are, such a struggle even being faux furious at his shameless attack because so about it in every way ‘I love your name’ which is not what you were about to say but it is as true and is being blurted out now through panted laughter, because nothing turns her on more than him wanting to cover her with his initials in any way he can ‘they made the right choice’ like shoutout parents, it’s a good one]

Jake: [such fun being had and we’re all overjoyed it finally is ‘I love yours’ which is dangerously close to an ILY and so easily could’ve accidentally been one as a slip of the tongue when feels are this high, it’s gotta be said though because we gave her such a slay first and last name combo, it’s really good, licking a giant heart across her whole stomach and then putting both of their initials and  + (which is already feelsier to them than most) inside, which she should be able to get because he’s doing it so slowly and deliberately]

Sylvie: [truly, gotta cling to this with all your strength, lads, we all felt how close that was to an ILY, and we’re all trying to be casual about it, but the way her body is out here lowkey writhing towards his touch is not casual in any which way, feeling him doing this heart and blinking back tears for a totally different reason than when we first got here, you love to see a full circle moment, also imagining him doing that inside of her and doing a lil gasp ‘what sounds better Mulholland-Cohen or Cohen-Mulholland?’ like it’s just a hypothetical and there’s nothing implied there whatsoever]

Jake: [living for how her body is reacting to this, catch him clinging to her waistband/belt loops with such force it’s a miracle they don’t come off in his hand or her elastic doesn’t go depending which it is, has never been more desperate to do oral on her, you’d think he hasn’t done it yet with the way he’s obsessing over it again but y’all can’t get away with that here and now, you barely did the fingering and it’s only because he was so quick about it thanks to cramping up, compromising by doing circles around her belly button with his tongue, giving when she was swirling hers around his thumb and tip of his dick, experimenting with the different ways he can poke his tongue inside, telling her (breathlessly because of being into these antics, as well as the fact she’s saying what she is and what IS implied) that the first one sounds better, by repeating it, because I think it does and I love that he’s putting her name first, very on brand for how obsessed with her he is, which is how it’s coming across, rather than him doing the feminist performative thing, it’s all in his tone baby]

Sylvie: [we all agree it sounds best that way round, good to know lol, nodding and smacking her head a bit in her enthusiasm because likewise obsessed with what he is doing to her and what it is a clear substitute for, joining him in being all up on her waistband like the only thing stopping y’all from going for it is being unable to get her clothes off, a game of pushing these bottoms down before pulling them up because you really can’t but we all know you both want to ‘Sylvie MC’ and doing an adorable snort because thank you for the DJ name, she’s too giddy for this]

Jake: [oh that’s VERY cute with her being a DJ how fated and he’s wordlessly saying as much because his whole face is lighting up, he looks like a kid on christmas about that, thrilled lol, but if you think that means he’s distracted from being a feral heathen he absolutely is not, because he’s likewise hysterical and in the next second I’m stealing from cinema date and saying that yes, he does suck on her crotch fabric like it’s his job, the time has come lol, as if he’s one upping her in this game and keeping her clothes in place like no no with his mouth because it’s very much giving the mouth equivalent of holding onto the fabric tightly in a balled fist, we all know why he’s really doing this though and an added reason is because around it he’s asking her about baby names to go with that last name double barrel and that needs to be muffled and fully incoherent, we can’t go there lads, but I love that it means he’s forgotten himself and his diagnosis for a minute]

Sylvie: [you gotta steal all the good moves from old convos, and in this context it hits even harder because really not expecting him to do THAT, fighting for her life trying to reach him to kiss his mouth HARD or she fears she’s going to say some absolutely wild shit, even though she can’t make out the wild shit he is to know that that’s a mutual problem, this feeling like nothing you have ever felt before has you losing it, grabbing for him]

Jake: [it fits so nicely here, as does him experimenting to see how hard he can bite her through this fabric given all the finger biting of earlier so I’ll let you do that too before you give in to this gal’s demands and crash your mouths together again, still all teeth, them for sure hitting each other in your haste to be making out before this boy completely outs himself as wanting to marry and have babies with her more than he already has, but ofc he can’t leave her crotch alone so he’s GRABBING at it, so violently you’d be forgiven for thinking he’s gonna rip a hole in the fabric, using his curled practically into a fist shaped fingers and tilted palm to push into her, getting the angles and friction and pressure just right]

Sylvie: [these are feral hours, and we’re getting violent with it, so thrilled because you know this means he’s forgotten all about his illness and having to be careful for any reason and that’s all we want, hence when we get to this makeout we are really attacking his lips like it’s personal, and it is, we wanna make them so swollen and bitten and bruised because it means EVERYTHING that he hasn’t kissed his ex and he has kissed us, I’m gonna have to put jeans or some other hardwearing bottoms on you otherwise the way these scenes would be even further out of control than they are, licking his name up the side of his face when he’s killing her with these moves]

Jake: [mhmm they’ve got a lot of pent up shit they need to address and so all he cares about is aggressively trying to make her cum as hard as he did earlier even though it might be impossible because she doesn’t have as much pent up shit as him in that sense haha, this boy couldn’t be more INTO her attack on his lips because it’s obvious why and yes it does mean EVERYTHING that has only kissed Sylvie and not Mona and he wants to be marked and claimed in this encounter as much as possible because he feels so marked by her absence, telling her that into this furious makeout because it’s a banger of a line, literally repeating it until it’s coherent, as many times as that takes, cos not gonna stop kissing for a second but still need her to KNOW, winnie is chanting jeans jeans jeans because she’s always wearing them so far and it’s iconic she has a signature lewk, despite them always being different pairs, when she’s licked his face, repeating his treating her earlobe like a clit move from before but being even more extra about it this time, including biting as is the theme of today, sticking his tongue in her ear exactly like when he was fingering her earlier, while his hand continues its violent antics harder and faster, saying a very demanding and urgent but not at all pleading ‘please’ in her ear, being only daddy coded and insistent about this]

Sylvie: [this is the best thing she has ever heard, it’s almost enough to stop her kissing him to hear it more clearly but we can’t when we’ve got a mission now to make as much of an impact as we can, trying to write her initials in bruises on his collarbone, whether it ends up looking anything like that is up for debate but the intent is there, pulling on his hair to give herself a brief reprieve from how hard he’s trying to kill her/to hurt him about it because two can and must play at this game, shaking her head sassily like no, shan’t but it’s so obvious that she’s too close to be cocky about it all]

Jake: [swearing (for a good reason for the first time this convo, yay) when she’s all up on his collarbone like THAT, because even if they don’t turn out he knows what she’s trying to do because of all his initials antics not long ago, it’s giving ‘shit!’ because he definitely said this shit to refer to being ill and angsting earlier, not him telling her to add a letter so it’s her double barrelled initials, call the police I fear they’re being jali coded and uncasually married again, just blurting it out, we can pretend it’s because it feels so good he doesn’t want her to stop and wants her initials to be longer but we all know the truth, pulling her head back down ROUGHLY and holding it in position at his collarbone (lowkey oral ref cos he didn’t push or hold her head then but he could’ve and it’s a cliche for a reason of how many people do) like I fear you simply must, nodding even though she won’t be able to see from how her head is now posed, but she might be able to feel cos of how dramatically he’s doing it and his neck being near to his collarbone]

Sylvie: [my boo said stop coming for their gig but they can’t, dire straits bring out the drama in everyone, and you’ve been through it, who can blame you for having to be as crazy about it as you’ve felt, doesn’t need him to force the position but SO happy he has, rewarding him by not only adding the C but doing his version of these married initials on the other side/other collarbone and punctuating with a heart in the middle/on his adam’s apple]

Jake: [squeezing her crotch 3 times like she did his booty during oral to signify a … and as encouragement when he realises what she’s doing on the other side because they love matching and now both sides do, saying his famous ‘cool tattoo’ line but so indecently and uncasually, couldn’t be more thrilled when she also does the heart because things in 3s is their jam, rewarding her by slamming his hips into hers with almost as much force as when they hit the deck so she knows exactly how much that turned him on, frantically trying to write tb1 aka good girl as a bruise on her forehead under her fringe, as an escalation of when he thought he might’ve caught the skin accidentally earlier, and a reminder of all their humiliation kink talk post pharmacy because really doing that right there like people write things in sharpies to shame or embarrass their usually drunk friends, in case it doesn’t come out as more than a mark that she can’t decode, he’s telling her she is one straight after, even more indecently]

Sylvie: [YELPING like an actual animal at this groping, I say you are in public, you wanna be quiet or tone it down, they say no lmao, likewise doing way too loud of a hot lol at the cool tattoo remark, saying her own indecent ‘I know’ again into his ear before they are hitting the deck and the wind is being knocked out of her again and she is left SPEECHLESS from how he’s trying to bruise her and where because we remember everything so of course we are making the same connection he has, asking ‘am I?’ almost as desperately as she’s meeting his hips with her own]

Jake: [love that y’all are back on the floor again, sitting didn’t last long and how real, saying ‘my’ in answer like it’s a complete sentence because we all remember when he wrote it on her lip and there was a minute of everything being my + term of endearment and what a time it was, undoing his own trousers with !! energy this time because he doesn’t dare to fully expose himself when there are clearly still some people around but he wants her to feel more of him as he moves and feel like his jizz is closer to being inside of her (whenever he ends up doing that again inevitably) and they can get away with being this bold because with their bodies this close together as long as he’s not pulling said trousers down to his ankles or anything silly nobody will really be able to tell he’s undone a button and zip, they’re lowkey hanging off him a bit anyway with the weightloss, but the difference it makes for y’all is HUGE, so have to risk it, swearing again at the sensation, this time ‘fuck’ but then turning it into ‘fuck me’ in French, as an instruction to encourage her to do exactly that]

Sylvie: [no one will see with how y’all are slammed up together with no room to breathe, that is one of the benefits, the other being, just how that feels and the THRILL that you can ‘get away’ with so much (like, people know what you’re up to I’m sure, but they just think you’re teens messing around and aren’t getting involved) and this girl is doing exactly what he tells her to, no hesitation, only by the grace of her clothing that he isn’t inside her, we’re doing everything to make it feel as if he is, using our hands and parts of our body that have been exposed by all these shenanigans, affirming ‘I’m all yours’ back to him in French, over and over]

Jake: [mhmm and in my head it’s very much PM by now and dark so that’ll help with not only visibility but also the fact that the people around have places to be that they are going to and from so they aren’t hanging around to spy on what you teens are up to, obvs if you’d run into some fellow teens they’d be more likely to hang around but thankfully you haven’t, can’t be caught out in the open cheating by someone you know on day 1, anyway, because he’s feeling emboldened by how much they’ve gotten away with and too feral to care because of how good this feels, undoing her fly too so that they’re underwear to underwear dryhumping and it’s as good as it gets without being naked in these streets, opening her legs wider and being so deliberate with every single movement now that they can both feel even more, slowing down from their frantic pace and really doing the MOST, pressing his forehead to her bruise so she knows how good girl she’s being, playing with her fringe with his mouth, sucking on it when he needs to muffle how loud he’d love to be about this]

Sylvie: [yep, agreed, that’s completely the vibe, like you aren’t really anywhere for other people to need to loiter, this is just a halfway point for y’all and not anything specific for anyone else, the switch-up to BEGGING this boy to fuck you is so immediate when this (essentially) skin to skin happens, so fast and furious out of your mouth in direct opposition to these slow and deliberate movements, pushing her forehead into his with such ferocity, any mark he managed to make is definitely being made worse with this force]

Jake: [you’re welcome guys that this location is doing a lot of heavy lifting for you not being interrupted rn because we all know that begging is gonna have him immediately wanting to do something drastic, but first, saying ‘kiss me’ again iconic that he’s now telling her to when he won’t his smooch his gf, spoken softly and quietly but there’s the LOUD unspoken implication of or we’re both gonna scream, waiting until they’re having such a peak romance soft but intense af makeout before he exposes himself and her, not entering her obviously, we’re not taking her virginity here and now, but rubbing himself all over her everywhere he can on the outside without slipping on in and absolutely covering her with precum until they both die and he covers her with actual cum as well, not at all casually another pregnancy scare in that, but at least it’s him and not Bobby this time, the escalation, we love to see it] 

Sylvie: [oh the peak, peak romance, thank the lord you’ve got to kiss him so you can’t tell him you love him, shut up, I say, it’s very obvious without you putting it in words, keep it to heart eyes and your absolutely UNHINGED reactions to all this, VIOLENTLY cumming to match with the violence of this whole sesh, RIP to his lips and tongue because the only thing that stands between her screaming this street down is his mouth and needs must, still doing her best to WATCH everything he is doing because it’s a huge part of it and we cannot miss anything, only letting our head drop when we’re physically unable of holding it up because our whole body is out of our control]

Jake: [y’all are gonna be devastated you didn’t film this when you look back but there was too much going on in the moment to even think about getting your phones out and tbf it’s fine, you’re not gonna forget such an epic first happened because it truly is, in no world has he ever done that before, this boy so torn between watching the act itself and this girl’s reactions, mostly watching her when they aren’t kissing and he can have his eyes open cos they’d just naturally wanna shut when y’all are making out, love that we’re reclaiming his mouth being bitten to shit to this extent because the last time that happened would’ve been by him during his seizure so it’s nice he gets to have these memories to override those, catch him sucking on her tongue even more hardcore than he did her fringe before, careful you don’t choke yourself sir, so much biting from him too though, it’s the recurring theme of this interaction, god bless the control required to basically just use the tip when everything’s that slippery and everyone’s losing it, give the boy a medal tbh, it’s how you know he’s so into this first in itself, for what it is and how it feels that he isn’t accidentally going further]

Sylvie: [the way you’re not even going to realise that ‘til later, and yes be slightly pissed but not really because you had to lock in and the moment was perfect, and yes, he absolutely deserves all the awards for this one, it could so easily happen, even by mistake, never mind just wanting to, but he is in control which is also an important feeling for him to have right now, especially around intimacy, 10/10 no notes, get it lads]

Jake: [proud of us and proud of y’all, take minute to try and vaguely recover from that because god knows how you will, your dry humping has never gone that far before despite all the feral usually public antics you have done, if anyone needs this boy he’ll be clinging to this girl and trying and failing to do the easiest breathing exercise ever to get himself together, but unlike with the panic attack energy earlier he won’t mind at all because he’s only !! in the best way and it’s amusing and slay not scary, giving her a forehead kiss right on that bruise, ofc he is]

Sylvie: [truly can’t believe that happened, y’all only covered up by the fact you’re covering each other here where you’ve collapsed, reaching out and shakily feeling every indent she has made on his lips, pouting at him a lil like oh no, because really did a number on him, but the glint in her eyes let’s you know she isn’t truly sorry, nudging her head into his shoulder to hide and catch her breath for a moment because boy do we need one]

Jake: [oh lads it might not feel real rn but wait until she has to move and you both realise the mess that has been made, jizz absolutely everywhere and we all know you’ll be thrilled not horrified, grinning at her with the same not soz mischievous energy even if his lips are a bloody mess as red as his hair, any pain is a nice one like it will be when y’all come back to your bodies and feel any injuries you’ve recieved from hitting the deck, protect him borrowed fleece he’s more twink like than ever atm, telling her ‘I think I’m ready for that cigarette now’ in French because une clope is just nicer than any slang we have, mostly joking because it’s an after sex cliche and that was as close to having sex as they’ve ever been, knowing she loves the cocky energy from him that he earned it] 

Sylvie: [my boo said there will be scenes, SCENES, I tell you, and there really will, you’re just going to have to do your clothes back up and take that with you, I fear, only a shower is sorting this, BEAMING at him because has never been more charmed by everything about him, find that cigarette for him stat missy girl, chuckling to yourself as you light it because never has a cigarette been more deserved and you both know it, taking a drag this time before you hand it to him though, and a long one at that, LOOKING up at him as you exhale directly into his face]

Jake: [scenes you’ll both be overjoyed about and we both know it, the short walk home when she eventually does is gonna hit so different, here and now though, this boy breathing in the smoke she blew at him before kissing her again so that he can acclimate to the cigarette in those ways first, baby steps, like they said and a shameless excuse to kiss her again/exhale himself into her mouth like we’re recycling the smoke over and over, holding the cigarette the whole time with a non shaky hand, but holding hers for reassurance while he takes a smaller drag of his own, blowing on and therefore said smoke into her fringe like she asked for a memento of this and it’s her hair smelling like an ashtray cos I know from when I used to go out and other people were it really lingers in your hair even more than your clothes]

Sylvie: [mhmm, I am sure y’all will get into it lmao, god bless, stay feral, this moment, however, is strangely wholesome, like yeah it’s smoking and that technically isn’t but the way you’re doing it rn is so unbelievably French film romantic, getting to stare at him to your heart's content as you do, sharing this whole cigarette this time because that is long enough for y’all to catch your breath, just about]

Jake: [enjoy your wholesome, calming and romantic cigarette share moment with no panic attacks or drama this time cos lord knows like we said you’re gonna get a lecture about smoking when you get home Jacob, speaking of, because your fam is so overprotective atm and you went out again unexpectedly after being wherever you were with Mona already, and didn’t tell anyone where you were going this time, it stands to reason that (your sister probably because they’re her keys) has been blowing your phone up but you were obvs too distracted to care until now, but once this cigarette is done and another text comes through, notice, and reply, even though I know in my heart you’re in fact lying and saying you’re at the bench so she won’t tell you to rush home, cos when you’re there it’s very take your time vibes, and he hasn’t been there since he cleaned the plaque to apologise so his sister will be happy he’s gone there and not worrying, sneaky but valid considering you don’t want to dip on this girl straight after what just happened and make it look like you got what you wanted so now you’re off, answering your ex’s phone call how and when he did was already savage and not a mistake that needs to be repeated, apologising to this gal for texting his sister to let her know he’d much rather still be in the bubble]

Sylvie: [my boo said sneaky but smart, diva, and she’s correct there, needs must when your fam are a lot and that’s not going to change any time soon so that is going to start feeling very overbearing when you just wanna be #overit, right now, this girl just shaking her head like nah ‘it’s cool’ because even if that was your girlfriend, what could she actually say about it? Dusting some road scut off of his borrowed fleece and pulling on it like ooh, this is new, because you know it’s not actually his, even though I’m sure you haven’t seen literally every item of clothing he owns, you feel as if you have, because you're that level of obsessed with him]

[punkscowardschampions]

[punkscowardschampions]

Sylke pt.2

Sylvie: 🚶🏼‍♀️‍➡️🚶🏼‍♀️‍➡️🚶🏼‍♀️‍➡️

Jake: 👶🏼

Jake: Baby Sylvie-sized steps, please

Sylvie: Beats crawling

Jake: [writing the French for crawling because they have a specific baby related one that’s moving on all fours and very the vibe, like but what about… you don’t like that? I’m shocked]?

Sylvie: You’re not funny, you know 😏

Jake: I haven’t had much to laugh about, no wonder I’ve lost my touch

Sylvie: You should watch [a comedy but one from your classic film era, not just a basic bitch one, ofc not]

Sylvie: it’s not a joke, but if we’re going to be friends, we’ll pretend it is

Jake: I’ll watch yours; you watch mine

Jake: [a peak romance but sad French film that clearly hardcore reminds him of y’all]

Sylvie: It’s a deal

Sylvie: when I get home, I better not loiter that hard at [wherever you are going right now]

Jake: Or on my doorstep

Jake: The bench is free if you want it, though

Sylvie: Hey, I never loitered on your doorstep

Sylvie: and I’ve only been to the bench a handful of times in the last [month but as days]

Jake: After every kiss, or is that a coincidence?

Sylvie: I wasn’t exactly playing hard to get

Jake: Wearing your heartbreak on your sleeve

Sylvie: Needs must

Sylvie: Maybe lying to make you feel better would be kinder

Jake: You weren’t playing very fair, but I didn’t either

Sylvie: And wouldn’t you be kind of devastated, if I could’ve moved on like it meant nothing, really

Jake: Devastated enough to throw myself in the Seine

Sylvie: I know the feeling

Sylvie: that’s why I came in so hot, in my head, this near-death experience had made you realise it was her all along and bonded you for life

Jake: Lobotomies are too unethical to be what I was in for

Jake: [French] But you did come in super hot, no argument there

Sylvie: No one is allowed near your eyes or your brain with an ice pick, I won’t let that happen, even if your mammy thinks it’s a really good idea

Sylvie: [French] We’re on the same page, no fighting

Jake: She might reading the first draft of my letter

Jake: Lucky I’m toning it down

Sylvie: Writing it is still going to be cathartic, even if you burn it up at the end

Sylvie: I’d like it; you’re at your best when you’re passionate, about anything

Jake: [send her a sneak preview of it which is mainly to show her how hard you’ve pressed down with your pen into this paper and how many crossings out there are because you’re angry and not really allowed to be cos your fam is positive vibes only in their approach]

Sylvie: Have your ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Sylvie: you’ve earnt them

Jake: 🧻🧻🧻 [lol that’s how highly he rates it, but at least y’all have got bants]

Sylvie: That is where all artists say they put their awards

Jake: [send her a pic of all your trophies and awards she didn’t get to see in the downstairs bathroom she didn’t get to go in, because your fam would put them there to be funny]

Sylvie: Oh, and I don’t know you at all

Jake: [French] What do you want to know?

Sylvie: [French] That you still want me

Jake: I’ll always want you

Sylvie: You can ask me anything too

Jake: [French] I already know your answers

Sylvie: That doesn’t surprise me, you’re on my mind constantly, you’ve had plenty of time to read it

Jake: [making a paper aeroplane as if he’s gonna send it to where she is rn, unclear if it’s a blank piece of paper because she can likewise read his mind or a full love note for obvious reasons]

Sylvie: You can give me that next [whatever lesson they have together first]

Jake: Deal

Sylvie: I’ll make you something

Sylvie: no spoilers

Jake: [a voice note again to ask for one spoiler because a spoiler is un spoiler (silly) so he just wants to say it in a French accent and amuse her]

Sylvie: Well, now I’ve gotta pivot to make you some study aides; we need to work on that accent ASAP

Jake: [a voice note LOL because that did make him laugh and he hasn’t laughed in a million years so she needs to hear him, it’s giving cocky like I know my accent was incredible there, because she loves when he is, and we’re so back baby]

Sylvie: 👼🏻

Sylvie: How you sound to me when you laugh

Jake: Sounds like you’re right and I do need to smoke more

Sylvie: It’s required to really get the rasp down

Jake: You better give me one [whenever their next lesson is]

Sylvie: Tied with a 🎀

Sylvie: Can we go for a break together?

Jake: With a 💋

Jake: [French] Unless it’s touched your lips before mine, I don’t want it

Sylvie: I haven’t been able to wear that lipstick since

Sylvie: this is a good reason to bring it out of retirement 

Jake: I haven’t been able to find the grey lipstick you’re wearing anywhere

Sylvie: What do you want it for?

Sylvie: before I let you borrow mine, of course

Jake: [French] The possibilities are endless… 

Sylvie: Oue [because YEAH they are]

Jake: 🩶🩶🩶 [because y’all both need a moment to really THINK about it so that’s acting like a … ]

Sylvie: You’re more fun to miss than any other boy is to be with

Jake: It’s torture not dreaming of you

Sylvie: I’m going to work out how to get you to sleep

Sylvie: without throwing more drugs at it

Sylvie: we deserve to be with each other in our dreams, it’s the minimum

Jake: You owe me a lullaby  

Sylvie: I can do that

Sylvie: [French] In English or in French?

Jake: You decide

Sylvie: I don’t study hard enough to be able to give you Irish too

Sylvie: [send him a French one now as you’re walking, because that’s the most amusing mental image to me/shows how much you don’t care if anyone hears you just singing a lil French lullaby] 

Jake: [an absolutely adorable mental image and she’ll be able to feel his heart eyes from there, forever gagged by her singing because your gf would never do it for you except that one time on stage, send her a cute as hell yawn back so she knows her lullaby is working]

Sylvie: Good to know sucking as a mother doesn’t run in my blood that hard

Jake: You’d be a great mother

Sylvie: Thanks, you were a good father figure

Jake: I tried, in the absence of a proper living example

Sylvie: You really were

Sylvie: for what that’s worth

Jake: Mr6 [thanks]

Sylvie: La risette? [which means little smile from the baby talk of it all]

Jake: [send a pic of just your little smile in close-up so you aren’t giving yourself away with your heart eyes or how bloodshot they are from being tired and emosh]

Sylvie: There he is

Jake: Here I am

Sylvie: Stay

Jake: I’ll try

Sylvie: You are, I know

Sylvie: I’m going to do better

Jake: I felt sick letting you think she was the one, sicker than ever did at my lowest, pre-pills or diagnosis in the hospital

Sylvie: I’m still getting my head around the fact that that’s not what you’re saying 

Sylvie: [French] Even if you marry her, she’s not the one, promise 

Jake: [French] Get married? I can’t even kiss her

Sylvie: It’s kind of their thing; it could be on the cards

Jake: It isn’t her thing or on the cards for us

Sylvie: That would be insane

Sylvie: leaning very hard into the dying bucket list of it all

Jake: And cultural stereotypes, which only she’s allowed to

Sylvie: Are you telling me off?

Jake: I’m telling you not to worry; it’s a promise

Sylvie: Good

Sylvie: that’s one off the list

Jake: I’d hate for you to visualise me lying here planning our wedding when that couldn’t be further from what I’m doing

Sylvie: No, I know, like I intellectually get that

Sylvie: your mind is somewhere completely different

Jake: Where’s yours?

Sylvie: [a location update like that’s all that means]

Jake: Cool, but I mean, what’s going through your head?

Sylvie: I don’t know

Sylvie: it’s trying to keep up with my heart, but it’s lagging, honestly

Sylvie: everything you said is pretty positive, if we’re being glass-half-full about it

Jake: I’ve thrown a lot out there for you to process

Sylvie: And you’ve got so much more to process

Sylvie: I feel like I really fucked up, being so pushy, even with good intentions; you didn’t need it

Jake: You were pushing me to open up instead of shutting down

Sylvie: Tried

Jake: You shouldn’t beat yourself up for that

Sylvie: Sometimes I feel really… unsocialised 

Sylvie: like I don’t know what’s the socially acceptable move 

Jake: I get called homeschooled at least once a school year, normally by teachers who wish I had been

Sylvie: [naming a teacher who’s his #1 hater because you are very amused]

Jake: None of your moves feel weird to me

Sylvie: I don’t care then

Sylvie: if you’re not scared off

Jake: Authentic scares people who aren’t

Sylvie: Being sick will too

Sylvie: Are you gonna keep it to yourself?

Jake: The plan has mostly worked up to now

Sylvie: When did you tell Mona?

Jake: She recently cornered me and bluntly asked

Sylvie: Naturally

Jake: I blurted it out

Sylvie: You’re allowed to tell whoever you want; I wasn’t advising against it 

Jake: She was uncharacteristically nice, supportive

Sylvie: Yeah?

Jake: Must’ve been the shock

Sylvie: Making fun of someone for being ill is pretty low, hasn’t stopped her before but she has incentive to be nice to you

Jake: [French because about to be a lil shady to Bobby by accident here] It’s crossed my mind that sick, like disabled, is her type

Sylvie: Ditto

Sylvie: is that how it’s felt or…?

Jake: She hasn’t openly fetishized me, but I don’t know for sure what she’s doing internally

Sylvie: You’re never going to know that for sure

Sylvie: she definitely wants to kiss you, that’s fair to assume

Jake: Yeah

Sylvie: It’s crazy you even have to think about this at all

Jake: I felt like such a freak

Jake: Like nobody would want me

Sylvie: No way

Sylvie: people will always want you, you have pretty privilege for starters

Sylvie: and she’s not the first or last girl to like their artist a little tortured, it’s a thing

Jake: How blatantly she still did was a relief

Sylvie: Okay, I don’t want to think about it

Jake: Sorry

Sylvie: Don’t worry about it

Jake: It’s just, if I do owe you an explanation, that’s what I’ve got 

Sylvie: I get it

Sylvie: It’s just… disappointing, I guess 

Jake: You’d rather I were in love with her?

Sylvie: No, obviously not

Sylvie: I’d rather you could’ve talk to me, let me in

Sylvie: but we’re here, and the month we just had can’t be erased or taken back

Jake: Your existing feelings for and perception of me mattered

Jake: I couldn’t erase everything we were, still should be

Sylvie: My feelings as a whole didn’t matter

Sylvie: just the ones I had for you

Jake: You’re already treating me differently

Sylvie: Who started that, Jake

Sylvie: You threw me out, but I’m treating you different, because I’m waiting for the switch-up, once again

Jake: No, you’re switching off your justified anger because you feel sorry for me

Jake: We should be arguing; you’re singing me lullabies instead

Sylvie: That’s not new; that’s how it’s always been, and that’s what you were trying to preserve 

Sylvie: me wanting you and to be around you so bad I overlook the shitty way you’re treating me

Sylvie: you couldn’t handle the idea of me not worshipping the ground you walk on, and because of that, my life has been fundamentally changed in ways I didn’t want

Jake: See, wow, that was waiting under the surface, scripted and ready to go

Jake: You’ve been barely holding it in since you met me

Sylvie: I don’t go from the book

Sylvie: The fact I was meant to be flattered, or think it was noble of you, somehow

Jake: It’s meant to be romantic

Jake: Right people, wrong time

Jake: Torn apart by circumstances outside of our control

Sylvie: You can’t force a narrative 

Jake: Clearly, this isn’t a movie, book or song

Sylvie: But you sacrificed this to try and make it one

Jake: To give us a happier ending than you nursing me until you resent me

Sylvie: And this is that, is it?

Jake: My life has been fundamentally changed in ways I didn’t want, Sylvie

Sylvie: I know, and I’m sorry my problems aren’t as big as yours

Jake: I’m literally in a new body

Sylvie: You’re still the same asshole

Jake: That’s something

Sylvie: Félicitations, encore une fois

Jake: I’ve made mistakes

Sylvie: Yeah

Jake: This is the space where you say, so have you

Sylvie: What did I do?

Jake: How far back do you want me to go?

Sylvie: Oh, please, as far back as you would like

Jake: L’s tomB [forget it]

Sylvie: Pft, powerful stuff, thanks 

Jake: There’s no point rehashing the same stuff

Sylvie: You’re only capable of romance from a distance 

Jake: Good looking out [as if she has his back and just gave him a real helpful tip there lol, the sass, the Americanisms]

Sylvie: Which is exactly why you’ve ended up back there; you don’t have to try to keep her at arm’s length; that’s where she wants to be

Sylvie: apologies for wanting to know you

Jake: My apologies for not being worth knowing

Sylvie: You were

Jake: Glaring past tense

Sylvie: You said it, I don’t anymore 

Jake: Because what I had going for me, I don’t anymore

Sylvie: You’re making it about that, because right now, everything is for you

Sylvie: and that’s understandable, but you’re going to see that that’s not the fucking truth one day 

Jake: It is

Sylvie: I liked you when I thought all your friends were posers and your music probably sucked

Jake: And why did you like me?

Sylvie: Are you slut-shaming me via the implication there again?

Jake: I’m saying, like you did, it was never about music

Sylvie: And I’ve said before, I’m sure

Sylvie: that I can’t explain why I’m so drawn to you, I just am

Jake: You were

Sylvie: I am

Jake: Surface-level physical attraction isn’t going to survive the unattractive reality of what’s wrong with me

Sylvie: It’s insulting

Sylvie: you think I’m such a shallow bitch

Jake: I know what you wanted to happen next

Jake: What we both wanted

Sylvie: They were ideas, we had lots of them, nothing was set in stone

Jake: Intimacy is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship

Sylvie: I don’t think you’re sick with something where the doctor said you can never travel or fuck 

Sylvie: these are self-imposed rules, aren’t they?

Jake: They wouldn’t be; you wouldn’t be interested in touching me if I told you everything

Sylvie: This is self-loathing talking, not me

Jake: I’m talking with the benefit of all the information, online, from doctors, and other people’s shared experiences

Sylvie: And they all said you’re repulsive and unlovable, did they

Jake: My feelings aren’t invalid because you disagree

Jake: This is where I’m at

Sylvie: I don’t have to agree, you can feel how you feel

Jake: You too

Sylvie: Just not together

Jake: Your feelings won’t fix my hang-ups 

Sylvie: I didn’t expect them to

Jake: Goodnight

Sylvie: I really hope you get out the other side of this

Jake: I’m a realist

Sylvie: And with that, you’re saying…

Jake: Relying on wishful thinking isn’t helpful

Sylvie: There is nothing else I can do from where I’ve been left

Sylvie: I have to hope that your family are going to get you through this, that time will bring acceptance

Jake: You need to focus on accepting your own situation

Sylvie: I don’t need a lecture

Jake: I wasn’t giving one, that’s what you can do, and it’s not nothing

Sylvie: And you need to realise that you don’t need to live vicariously through me, or anyone else

Jake: I’m not, I care about the life you live, that’s all

Sylvie: Likewise, doesn’t seem to count for fuck all

Jake: I’m sorry I can’t seem to adopt your fuck it, do it anyway, attitude fast enough

Sylvie: What am I asking you to do?

Jake: Drop all my ‘self-imposed’ rules, get over it and myself

Sylvie: I’m sorry I can hear that you’re suicidal and that upsets me

Sylvie: I don’t know why you think me agreeing with that ideology would be in any way something I can do

Jake: Nobody mentioned suicide except you

Sylvie: You’re so defeated

Sylvie: it’s just horrible

Jake: Having a chronic illness is horrible

Sylvie: Yeah, I know

Jake: You don’t, or you wouldn’t keep on at me to snap out of it

Jake: My meds have only just started working, and you expect me to be fine, act fine, because it’s upsetting you that I’m not

Sylvie: I never said snap out of it

Sylvie: but I clearly can’t say anything right, so I’ll leave you alone

Jake: You are; it’s heavily implied in every message you type

Sylvie: I want you to see your life is worth living for you

Sylvie: it’s not about me

Jake: My life isn’t; my life sucks

Jake: All I can do is leave you alone so yours doesn’t

Sylvie: Right

Jake: Okay

Sylvie: Goodbye then

Jake: Bsr [because can never say goodbye only good evening]

Sylvie: Why did you do this again

Jake: You push, and you push, and you never take accountability for any of it

Sylvie: If you want to leave me alone, then do it

Jake: I don’t fucking want to

Sylvie: That’s what accountability means here

Sylvie: be the one who enforces this separation 

Jake: I will because I have to

Jake: Stop pretending I’m enjoying myself

Sylvie: Don’t worry about it

Sylvie: I’ll do it

Jake: What does that mean?

Sylvie: It means I’m not going to try again

Jake: What are you going to do?

Sylvie: Doesn’t matter, I won’t be bothering you 

Jake: [French] It matters to me

Sylvie: Not to me

Jake: [the full circle moment of him saying ‘don’t do this’ which is basically how the convo started but with an entirely different set of feelings attached]

Sylvie: Art [because STOP IT]

Jake: Svp [please but HER version of, importantly]

Sylvie: Is this it now

Sylvie: are we going to do this forever

Jake: I’ll walk to [wherever she was going] if that’s what you’re going to make me do

Sylvie: You’re the one who made me walk here, I don’t ask you to do anything

Jake: Att [because both wait and see you very soon]

Sylvie: I can’t see you

Jake: [‘Close your eyes’ for the throwback and to be sassy like well I’m gonna see you today diva cos he’s worried about her now and he means business lol]

Sylvie: I look strange enough thanks to you, I’ll just run if I see you coming

Jake: Thanks to my red hair, you’ll get a head start 

Sylvie: You piss me off, how you look

Jake: I look sick, because I am

Jake: (But I’m still going to chase you this time)

Sylvie: Great, then it’s my fault when you injure yourself

Jake: Yeah, it is

Jake: Wait there

Sylvie: Trying to guilt-trip me when I clearly don’t care

Jake: You care

Sylvie: Fat lot of use it does

Jake: I care

Jake: That’s why I’m walking [the exact distance in steps]

Sylvie: You shouldn’t

Jake: Too late

Sylvie: We’re not going to know what to do or say

Jake: I just need to look at you without you looking away

Jake: For a minute

Sylvie: 😫😫😫

Jake: After that, you can run if you need to

Sylvie: I don’t know what I need

Jake: [a breathing exercise he’s talking her through because they both need that rn]

Sylvie: You think I’m even going to be here by the time you are?

Jake: GspR b1 [I hope so, because world’s biggest hypocrite 5ever, here wishful thinking when he said it doesn’t help lol]

Sylvie: I don’t owe you anything

Jake: I know

Sylvie: You’ve made me feel like a terrible person

Jake: Projection

Sylvie: Well, I won’t dare say otherwise

Jake: If you aren’t there, I’ll walk home again

Jake: Exercise and fresh air are famous cure-alls; you get to feel amazing about yourself

Sylvie: I’d hate to do anything to help prolong your shitty life

Jake: [French] Hate me, I don’t care

Jake: [and an updated step count like I’m still coming regardless]

Sylvie: Exactly, you don’t

Jake: Why would I? 

Jake: I hate myself for what I’ve done to you

Sylvie: Because it should kill you like it kills me

Sylvie: the way you see me, I didn’t think you would ever think of me the way you do now

Jake: It did kill me Sylvie: Do you love that I’m here

Sylvie: because you told me to be

Jake: Now I’m dead, I can’t ask you to love me

Sylvie: That isn’t how love works, Jake

Jake: It’s how martyrdom does

Jake: Initials aside, I’m nothing like Jesus

Sylvie: You have no say in how I do or don’t feel about you

Sylvie: nothing you do can change what will be

Jake: I have one in how I treat you

Jake: What feelings I do or don’t act on

Sylvie: Yeah, this is all you

Sylvie: however much you want to say your hand is forced

Jake: I said I’m trying

Jake: I am

Sylvie: I don’t care anymore

Jake: Don’t say that

Sylvie: This is what you were aiming for

Jake: Nn tg [no, shut up, he says]

Sylvie: Go find Mona, be with her

Jake: I’ll find you, however long it takes

Sylvie: [French] We are lost to each other

Jake: We belong to each other

Jake: Look at me and tell me we don’t

Sylvie: I’m not going to be there

Jake: [French] Wherever you are, or I am

Sylvie: You know I can’t do that

Jake: Being scared to touch you doesn’t change that you’re mine; I’ve never said it did

Sylvie: Nothing changes it, if you never touch me again, it’ll remain true

Jake: [in French, ‘I’ll always want you’ because he said it earlier in English, gotta have it said and true in both]

Sylvie: I miss you, all the time

Jake: +++++++++++ [because he misses her more]

Sylvie: [using the French babytalk word to be like it hurts, which seems unserious but we don’t know how else to express it at this point truly]

Sylvie: Tell me what to do

Jake: [telling her to meet him literally halfway between where she is and how far he’s got, cos he also means figuratively, we gotta compromise and find an agreement here]

Sylvie: Alright

Sylvie: this is the last time

Jake: X [because he do promise that it is]

Sylvie: Okay

Jake: [be walking diva because if where she OG was is already close ish to y’all’s houses and he’s meeting her halfway it won’t take long if you actually concentrate and despite being terrified af he intends to get there, even if there will be an invisible line he’s standing on as per when he does cos he’s even more terrified to touch her, he will be LOOKING at her though like he said he would, first checking her over, agonising as that is with what he’s gonna see, and then holding the most intense and insane eye contact of all time]

Sylvie: [feeling that invisible line so keenly it physically pushes her back, stumbling to find sure footing when nothing feels stable or solid, not wanting to look at him, despite that being why we’re here, knowing he needs to look at her and needing to look at him just as badly, but we still do not want to because terrified doesn’t come close to explaining just how much we cannot stand this, feeling like our heart is actually breaking in our chest making us screw our face up with anguish as we clutch it before forcing ourselves to LOOK up and maintain this eye contact, doing massive, painful GULPS because even though we’ve been crying, we’re doing everything to hold back the tears now, eyes stinging from the effort and said denied tears; the words you know don’t exist, the words that would make him see that you’re here for him no matter what (and yes, that means no matter how hard he pushes you away) the words that explain that loving him will never be optional, that he can’t opt her out of this, lodged in her throat with her suppressed sobs, making saying anything impossible, hands twitching at her side, flexing into fists as she once again holds back from the pure need to touch him, to attempt to provide comfort, needing to be comforted by his comfort, to know he feels it, that he does see a future and some hope really]

Jake: [oh girls we’re all feeling that invisibly drawn line the hardest it’s ever been felt, the heartbreak is so real and mutual, holding onto himself not only so he doesn’t reach across and reflexively steady her but also as if he can hold all his sickness which is making him feel ugly and broken in, and himself together, seeming like he’s gonna pull himself off balance with the force of it because he has never looked more delicate and fragile than he does rn, has likewise been crying multiple times during this convo, and is looking a mess, but blinking them back (and doing the saddest hairflip of all time because his hands are busy) so that there’s no tears or red whurls in his eyes as he LOOKS at her full the full minute, meaning to actually count it in his head but ofc he gets lost in said eye contact immediately so it could actually be seconds or years]

Sylvie: [it’s ridiculous, the sheer volume of emotion between you two and the absolute force of it, feeling like the world is actually ending, which is such a bizarre and overwhelming feeling to feel at your age and, ostensibly, just over a boy, no less, feeling the urge to laugh rising in your throat but it, thank god, getting stuck too because the last thing you need is laughing at him allegations to contend with when everything is on this knife’s edge, doing her best to be in the moment, to memorise him, to not blink once]

Jake: [truly, it feels that dramatic, and he can’t help but be reminded of his dream when they were the last 2 people standing at the end of the world, idek where they are at this halfway point but it genuinely feels apocalyptic and dark and like they’re completely alone and there isn’t a sound except for if one of y’all make it, which y’all barely are because it feels like he hasn’t taken a breath since he got here, so the agony of not being able to is adding to the peak !! and making him feel more like a dead man walking than he already does, only breaking the eye contact eventually, technically, when he’s crying so hard (again) that he can’t see her, which is forcing him to breathe so messily and adding to the self-loathing disgust of it all because this cry isn’t cinematic and something they can romanticise like before when he did at the party]

Sylvie: [coming forward unthinkingly, risking him literally and physically pushing her away now, but we have to because this is too much, it’s been too much to bear, but now that’s really made so clear with how crushing this moment is to have to be in and witness respectively, trying to put her arms around his whole body and hold him so tight he almost can’t escape (lol) but also just needing to hold him that bad]

Jake: [intending to stop her in her tracks with a LOOK that says do NOT cross this line, but we all know he doesn’t want that actually, so what he’s actually doing is just throwing her a heartbreaking and PLEADING look as if she can stop any of this and he’s just shamelessly begging for her to in the moment ™ before she’s holding him because that is the solution he’s already asked for earlier honestly, and all this girl can do rn, freezing at first, dramatically, like he’s a little prey animal and he’s been caught, but we all know can only be a fleeting reaction before he’s holding her too, albeit so tentatively, as if he dare not and wouldn’t have the strength to even if he wasn’t terrified, like he’s an alien and he’s never hugged anyone before lol]

Sylvie: [the first word out of her mouth being ‘please’ almost mouthed but y’all have been so pointedly silent that it does feel like you’re screaming as far as !! energy goes, likewise you’ve approached this hug as if you have never done one before and were just trying to capture him and stop him from bolting but we can forgive you and muscle memory will kick in so you can get to a point where this hold more closely resembles how you would’ve held each other before, if with a lot more of every feeling behind it because it has been so long and so much has changed and there are no words to put to that, looking at him from this close to be like it’s okay, you’re touching me and nothing is happening or is going to happen, I promise, pressing her face into his neck to breathe him in, just for a moment]

Jake: [exactly, muscle memory will kick in and make you feel less like neurodivergent awkward af physical touch haters cos you’re not, and thank god, y’all need the slight normality of being able to cling to each other as you have many a time previously, to let this boy know it isn’t just Mona he can slip back into old patterns with, burying his head into her shoulder, RIP to that with all his tears and snot, because he feels like he’s gonna scream fr, a fuck you at the sky and god or something, when her mouthed word hits, because the unfairness of having to push her away for all this time when he wanted to do the opposite is so viscerally upsetting, lifting his head when he feels her look at him though because they’re forever going to be in sync and choreographed, soz not soz, sniffing and swallowing so thickly, because if he wasn’t gonna choke literally on said tears and snot then he would be on the feelings and everything unsaid, reaching out with the shakiest hand in the history of the world, so carefully like she’s as fragile as his bubble emoji before, because this moment is, and stroking her hair, as gently as she’s the nervous animal now, because easier to do when she isn’t looking at him]

Sylvie: [I say thank god you were slobbing at Bobert’s house, not that you would or could ever care about such a thing, but we’re both looking like messes, and that is not even registering now, rubbing circles on his back like she’s going to help him cough up all that’s stuck inside him, so casual, like we’re pretending him stroking our hair is when actually we could float away at just this slight hint of affection returning, which when we look back on will make us sad for ourselves but in the moment we refuse to do anything to jeapordise it, not soz, letting her hands circle all the way down his back until she can let them rest on the small there, like he has definitely done to her many times before, doing such a big sigh of relief that it’s like she’s been holding her breath the entire month]

Jake: [Lord knows Bobby has not made a single second of effort for this whole month, but yeah I’m secretly glad he isn’t ruining one of her slay expensive outfits rn even if y’all do not care, he’s likewise gonna be devastated when he looks back on his actions, as always, but rn the girls are relying on vibes alone and literally nothing else, brushing the hair off the back of her neck where he’s written French text speak with a fingertip many a time, but this time, running said finger over it like he’s looking for a switch so he can switch off her feelings for him and she won’t have to keep getting hurt, lightly pressing down when she sighs because this relief is heartbreaking in that you know it can’t last and scraps are exactly what you didn’t want to reduce her to]

Sylvie: [ugh, we don’t even wanna talk about you, sir, you’re not welcome in this moment, get out, as imperfect as this is, they both need it, and that’s the end and start of everything, bated breath as she waits for him to write something, that’s how familiar this is, so when he presses down and that feels like a fullstop, shuddering with the cry that’s wracking through her whole body, because she knows what he’s doing and what he’s saying but we don’t want to believe it, digging her nails into his hips, through clothes so it isn’t as painful as it could be but we’re trying to keep him in this moment, no thinking about before or after]

Jake: [savage how much it would feel like a full stop, stop it Jacob I swear to god, unthinkingly and totally reflexively pulling her entire body into his when that cry escapes as if he can protect her from something that he’s doing, the urge is overwhelmingly real nevertheless, holding onto her even tighter than he was holding onto himself earlier, risking sending them both toppling to the cold hard ground, which has also happened before, cradling her head on his chest where he said he could feel it in this very convo, knowing that he’s made up of sharper angles than ever but still trying to be soft and comforting despite that]

Sylvie: [the realest urge, and this girl isn’t about to say hold on, no, right here right now, we simply can’t, when she feels him slipping further and further away and all she wants is to be close to him? We gotta stay, and we gotta try, looking up at him frantically from his chest, forcing eye contact ‘we’re here, we’re here, and nothing is made worse for it’ because forever trying to be like we can do this, btw]

Jake: [nobody has ever flip-flopped harder than this boy lol but that’s real because he was already kinda like that and being sick has just made it worse, and now here we are in this mess, reaching out like he did to touch her hair but with way more purpose and !! holding her face as he practically stares her down, making the eye contact more intense while looking for even the slightest hesitation or tiniest crack in her resolve, his fingers digging in, not quite as hard as hers did into his hips, but hard enough still, strength he didn’t know he had atm, cos he’s lowkey a little bit mad when he doesn’t find any because a huge part of him wanted to so he just run away, but no, blowing on her fringe dramatically with his sigh, and pressing his forehead to hers]

Sylvie: [you’re doing it very well and realistically, soz for you both that it’s such a headfuck but there is no way around that lol, here staring him down even though you’ve stopped breathing in the anticipation of what he is or isn’t going to do next, leaning into the way he’s gripping her face in an almost imperceptible way but we simply cannot stay completely still, doing a half laugh at him already paying attention to her fringe because you’re still the same you, diva, still obsessed ‘go on’ like you can get all up in there, I know you want to]

Jake: [grey era is nothing if not an epic headfuck, soz guys, especially soz to Jake rn because she knows nothing of what’s going on for him internally but he’s genuinely slightly shocked that she didn’t immediately recoil from the forehead press because there’s been so much focus on his broken brain, literally with all the tests and the meds, and with his fam trying to give him daily talk therapy about it, but also emotionally with all his angst, that he feels like it should be a different shape or something to reflect that, as if he’s gonna suddenly grow neck bolts cos he feels like frankenstein’s monster, but you know what I mean, almost recoiling himself from the fact she did not, because such a disconnect between how he feels inside and what she’s feeling on his outside, which is nothing physically different except his stress weight loss, using that tiny bit of distance caused when he nearly flinched to launch himself at said fringe and bite it, the angriest assault upon it he’s ever done, as if we can blame her hair for anything]

Sylvie: [half the issue is she refuses to engage in this hateration, which makes you think she doesn’t get it, but she’s just not about to sit here like yes you are disgusting and broken, oh lads, what an impossible situation, trying to get the balance right of acknowledging his emotions and also trying to pull him out of them to be here with her now, which is no mean feat, it’s hard not to feel like a failure even though you know that truly it’s giving impossible task, thank you fringe for your service lmao, out here doing a GASP like it really hurts but honestly you’re just gagged to see some strong emotion beyond total despair coming from him so absolutely attack us]

Jake: [mhmm and nor should she, cos like she said, he wouldn’t talk about anyone else like this, not even mobby for being insane and deaf respectively while being someone we’ve got beef with, and the same goes for anyone else he knows because if any friend group would have a token wheelchair kid like the girl from waterloo road who never got a storyline, it would be his, hypocrite alert as always, but you always have been and you’ve also always been golden boy so we get it, anyway, here and now, pausing to check that he didn’t catch her skin with his teeth because that gasp sounds like he might’ve and angry as he is in this era he’s still been born and raised to be a soft boy as a default, hair still in his mouth, handily out of the way, he’s running his fingers over her skin to check for blood or broken skin, again (not at all secretly or casually) shocked and/or slightly angry/gutted though when they come away clean]

Sylvie: [it makes perfect sense you of all people are struggling with this, you’ve been taken off a pedestal you didn’t totally comprehend/totally took for granted you were on, as we all do until life humbles us, and this girl knows that but he really has to come to acceptance himself, which sucks but we move, right now, we here almost daring him to break skin with our unrepentant eye contact about it, reaching out to pretend to pull her hair from between his teeth but actually softly brushing her fingers against his bottom lip, licking her own at the same time]

Jake: [that’s exactly the vibe, and despite the dead dad this is the first major thing to go wrong in your life because you were too young when that happened so ofc you’re crashing out and need a minute (or month lol) at least y’all are finally here now, SPITTING out her hair with such !! so that her fingers will absolutely be getting spit on them, simply must because she has draw attention to her lips which he never needs an excuse to obsessed by, STARING at them so hungrily like he’s gonna angrily bite them next and any second, wanting her so bad in this moment ™ that he looks furious at her yet again, cos he is that she’s tempting him this much with the smallest gesture]

Sylvie: [no one can blame you, and this gal doesn’t, she’s just having her own crashout about how hardcore she is in love with you and now can’t deny it because the heartbreak of all this has proven it without a doubt, which is a lot in its own right, before we even get to the sickness of it all, ANYWAY, he’s drawn all the attention to her fingers with this SPIT moment, bringing them back towards her own lips as she STUDIES the wetness, opening her mouth slightly because thinking about sucking them and tasting him in this small way, but we have to tease it, like we’re doing everything we can to make him furious because lord we do prefer it to despondent, not soz]

Jake: [yep and obviously she’s having her own crashout, independent woman is the understatement of the century in her case and the last thing she expected when she moved here was to fall in love, how could she not, the amount of messing about this boy has done aside, oh lads we’ve really put you in situations, including atm, staring so unblinkingly at her slightly open mouth with his red eyes making the green pop once again, before shaking his head like no you can’t soz, in the least convincing don’t do it way ever, because ofc he wants her to really and is in fact just egging her on, it’s beyond blatant I fear, especially because he’s leaning in close to breathe in her breaths and the lingering evidence of those cigarettes she smoked for him, to watch her antics from an even closer proximity when she inevitably stops teasing and does them]

Sylvie: [shaking her head back at him like, no? You don’t want me to? Using the same tone as he did about the crawling in those messages, because we know you want us to, so tempted to get out another cigarette when it becomes clear he’s breathing in her second-hand smoke but we can’t risk this moment for even a second and this way he has to stay close to really breathe it in so no cigarette for you, sir, stay where you are, poking her tongue out and hovering a mm from licking this up, looking at him like last chance to object lol]

Jake: [using his slay eyebrows (where in my heart there’s a tiny lil scar from when he hurt himself during that first seizure but nobody is aware of because it’s giving you’d have to touch it to know it’s there) to express the you heard me energy, because he hasn’t said a word yet and that’s kind of iconic cos it feels like his body language and eye contact have said a million things, sassing her with daddy vibes via facial expressions alone, having the identical cigarette thought as she has it, which also shows on his face, because the peak intimacy of that when he refuses to kiss his gf, biting his own lip about it, harder when that flash of tongue pokes out so he doesn’t bite it instead, tearing a piece of skin off because they’re chapped af how lips always get when you’re run down and sick or depressed, been there and done that diva, unflinching or unmoving though, absolute lazer focus on her and everything she’s doing and about to do]

Sylvie: [my boo says this gal won’t know, but you gotta know, and she’s so right for that, we will let you find out one day, diva, but for now, smile at him and his sassy brows because heart eyes, hello you, so good to have you here with me, wanting to kiss his lips better immediately but also wanting to kiss him until they’re in an even worse state, honestly, getting distracted by staring at them and his teeth and being #lost in your thoughts ‘I never stop thinking about you’ being blurted out, so unfiltered it could only ever be total truth with no agenda, biting the tip of her finger and repeating ‘never’ before going to town on her fingers about it, like, see]

Jake: [the urge to makeout is mutual and constant, they’re both equally distracted and conflicted about it, for him because that really would be crossing a line and testing the waters of his deepest fears in a way that nothing else they’ve done yet is, reaching out, yet again, I think we’re on the 3rd time now lol (with stunning chipped grey nail polish every time, lest we ever forget) as if he’s gonna pull her fingers out of her mouth or give her hand a lil smack like she’s a naughty child, but of course he does neither and just HOLDS it while she’s going to town, feeling each individual bone in her hand or muscle as they move and work, including her knuckles of course which he’s played music on before, as he WATCHES her do this to her heart’s content without otherwise interferring, I just know there’s some blood on his lip looking cinematic the entire time, as if he’s doing a challenge to not lick it away]

Sylvie: [mhmm, and she knows that so she certainly isn’t going to be the one to initiate a makeout, however much she would love to just grab his face and remind him exactly what he has here, we must control ourselves (the fact this is us under control lmao) and stick to taking it out on our fingers, here trying to savour the spray of spit that was as if she can taste so much, OBSESSED with him holding her hand, experimenting with how much she can move it and the different ways she can get his to feel this, holding his eye the entire time because we need to know exactly how you feel and if you’re as feral and desperate as we are, which that blood confirms, biting down on her fingers again because wants to lick that up so badly that we’ll have to make ourself bleed to stop us from doing so]

Jake: [agreed he’ll have to be the one to bite the bullet but who knows if he will because the urge may be strong but so is the fear (like he said) that they’ll kiss and he’ll feel like a stranger and everything will feel different and horrible and it’ll confirm without a doubt everything he’s lost, so instead, here and now, likewise experimenting with all the different ways he can touch her hand without restricting her movements, like he’s a ghost who misses having hands or a robot who’s never had them and is fascinated truly by how they work because he do feel feral, opening his mouth to either mouth or say something but we’ll never know what because instead his tongue is licking up the blood, poking out just enough to do it, like hers before, like it’s a frantic move against his will (he’s always fighting against himself, I fear) happening cinematically at the exact moment she bites down on her fingers, because they will forever be in sync]

Sylvie: [y’all may not, but hey, this is something, undeniably so, and we’ll take it, this girl dying that he still hasn’t said anything but he has said so much with his actions and expressions, making a NOISE around her fingers that is far more to do with the spectacle of his tongue and his blood than any pain she inadvertently caused herself there, nuzzling her head against his hand pleadingly]

Jake: [there’s no telling with him, he might never for this full interaction or he might in the next sentence, all bets are off at such a chaotic time, doing the most genuine and !! shiver when that noise of hers hits because he felt it in his whole body and happily it stops the urge he would’ve otherwise had to spit the blood out or make some other outward show of disgust because he’s in his self-loathing era, thanks for distracting him diva in the best way you could’ve, one of his fingers tracing the teeth indents she just caused on her own fingers there, so gently but thoroughly, while another moves to run over the corresponding teeth, matching them up, a (very quiet) lil hum escaping him that he isn’t even aware of, but we are and you can’t take the song out of him, baby, cos yes he do be composing about it] 

Sylvie: [matching his shiver with one of her own when he starts tracing the indents, barely resisting the urge to gnaw her fingers to shit just so he has more excuse to keep touching her, ever so slightly panting, which he’s going to feel against his skin as he does this, insistently, yet shyly, pushing her fingers towards him, pointing at his mouth because you bite me, suddenly aware she has no marks from him and how else are we meant to remember this when we have to leave, cannot ask for it though, not going to interrupt his humming]

Jake: [matching her panting with his own when he clocks what she wants him to do because of course he’s picking up what she’s putting down and of course the prospect has him breathing like that, no hesitation in doing it though, harder than he should if anything instead of holding back, soz girl it’s gonna hurt but he’s holding back so much in other ways (and we know he’s so angry so furious) that he simply must be feral about this, spacing his bite out, the equivalent of when she was drawing those lipstick marks on his dick, as a deliberate throwback, so that he has to have her fingers basically all the way in his mouth to do this, and he isn’t going over hers however tempting that may be because they’re a work of art in their own right and they have to stay]

Sylvie: [her mouth making the shape of his name before any noise is escaping her lips, grasping at her throat with her other hand, because the blockage feels so physical right now and we can’t handle holding back, shifting her body into his ever so slightly more, like we need holding up, like we can’t do this without him]

Jake: [meanwhile this boy making his first NOISE around her fingers, made even better by the fact his voice is hoarser than ever from all the previous crying and breaking under the strain of being used to be this !! when he hasn’t spoken since the voice notes, taking on the task of holding her up as if he’s never for a second doubted his body could or there’s never been a time when he hasn’t done it, feeling and appearing so effortless, even more so for how unspoken it is, when he finally frees her fingers from his feral teeth, instead of moving away as would be natural, shifting his body even closer, really pressing it against hers like that in itself could and should leave a mark too]

Sylvie: [being bold in the strangest of ways, here feeling every inch of this boy’s mouth with our fingers, as if it is vital information what his tongue and teeth and the roof of his mouth feel like, nbd, just gone slightly insane and it feels like a must, moving her other hand to his throat at the NOISE, because yes, must feel and collect that too, mouthing his name at him like he needs reminding because yes, exactly, this is who you are and this is who we are together, stroking his adam’s apple so tenderly for how feral he is biting her and then pulling her in, this move being what finally gets her to SAY his name instead of just mouthing it, feeling so loud and !!]

Jake: [love to see the insanity we drive you to when we don’t let you interact for a month, anybody could walk by and not only do they not care it wouldn’t even register unless said person or people got so far in their grill, very much still feeling alone in the world and safe and protected in that atm, this boy was already feeling turned on af by all their finger biting antics, so when she says his name and like that, it only ramps up him feeling horny on main, which he’s been too stressed and depressed to be, so it makes perfect sense (given that the last time he was was when she was at his house for the oral) that muscle memory kicks in yet again and he’s responding instinctively by grabbing at her desperately like you do when you’re kissing someone and need them impossibly closer, his body finding a dryhumping rhythm before he can overthink and stop himself from reacting like that, MOANING about it because it feels so good and familiar and normal and it’s been so long since he’s felt any of those things]

Sylvie: [truly, it’s beyond a joke how actually crazy you feel and have been feeling about this, in many ways, this could have gone so much worse and thank god we aren’t here screaming in these streets (in one way or the other lol), other people and the world needed to cease to exist and that’s where we are, he is the only thing that registers and we don’t feel like it should be any other way, really putting all our unexpressed emotions into fucking his mouth here lowkey because how he’s grabbing really makes her want to kiss him and do it with her tongue but she can’t so carrying on with our fingers it is, pulling his head to hers with her other hand to do another dramatic forehead PRESS, trying to GASP in the entirety of his MOAN because yes, it feels like coming home, truly]

[punkscowardschampions]

Sylke pt.1

Sylvie: [okay, so it has been about a month, Sylvie has been hanging out with Bobby that whole time (it’d be unclear to what extent but now it’s for sure giving couple) and now it has just been made SUPER apparent that Jake and Mona are back together]

Sylvie: Félicitations

Jake: [Not immediately replying because he’s clearly busy being one half of the worst couple in Dublin, ew]

Jake: Don’t do that

Sylvie: Me?

Jake: Yeah, you

Sylvie: You’re unbelievable 

Jake: You’ve been hanging out with Bobby the whole time

Jake: And guess what, I didn’t comment on it because that’s none of my business 

Sylvie: Because you don’t care

Sylvie: and why would you? Of course this was going to bring you two back together

Jake: He maybe assaulted you

Jake: Why don’t you care?

Sylvie: We’re not talking about the maybe of him being a bad person

Sylvie: I thought you got it, when it wasn’t directed at you, the things she said about your sister

Jake: Exactly, things she said, they’re just words

Jake: She didn’t do anything

Sylvie: Just words? Is that how Talia feels, or did you never tell her because you couldn’t bear to repeat those fucking words

Sylvie: not to mention how she treats you, that’s not words

Jake: My sister’s feelings aren’t what prompted this outburst

Sylvie: Because what the fuck

Jake: Using Talia to guilt-trip me is really low

Sylvie: I’m not guilt-tripping you; I’m asking if you’ve lost your mind

Jake: You’re picking a fight, whatever dig gets a reaction

Sylvie: I don’t need a reaction

Sylvie: not me posting hundreds of stories with the same stale plot

Jake: Neither am I

Jake: I retired my socials with the band

Sylvie: As if that means you’re not centre stage

Sylvie: she didn’t have anything to say about you, just that you’re good looking, doesn’t that bother you at all?

Jake: Am I center stage, or were none of her posts about me?

Jake: You can’t have both

Sylvie: You’re there as a prop

Jake: [whatever app this is whether it’s insta or the cool kids are using something else by this era] isn’t real life

Sylvie: I don’t need telling

Sylvie: Why can you talk to her and not me

Jake: If I’m a prop, she’s doing all the talking

Sylvie: Just answer a question

Jake: I don’t owe you my answers

Sylvie: Yes, you do

Sylvie: you fucking do

Sylvie: because you pulled me into the middle of your bullshit

Jake: You’re out now, so stay out of it

Jake: Protect your peace

Sylvie: What peace

Sylvie: How can I have any

Jake: In your boyfriend’s strong arms, I figured

Sylvie: Be serious

Jake: Seriously

Sylvie: You messed with my head and fucked up my whole life

Sylvie: and you can’t do me one favour and show some respect, explain any of it

Sylvie: because none of it makes sense

Jake: Perks of dating the strong silent type, zero explanation needed

Sylvie: Perks of dating for the title alone

Jake: As long as you consented to the title, instead of waking up with no memory of being given it

Sylvie: Anything I’ve done doesn’t take away from what you’re doing, what you did, by the way

Sylvie: it isn’t the same issue

Jake: I’m the only one on trial here, for sure

Sylvie: I did what you told me to, which is why you didn’t give a fuck until it’s time to deflect

Jake: I have no right; you think you still do

Sylvie: You lied

Jake: Situations change, people change

Sylvie: Not you

Sylvie: you just pretend to

Jake: Face facts, you don’t know who I am anymore 

Jake: And you don’t get automatic access whenever you feel like lecturing me

Sylvie: Lecturing you?

Sylvie: Grow the fuck up

Jake: We’re nothing to each other

Sylvie: Speak for yourself

Jake: Your opinion, formed from the outside edges of my life, has no bearing on what’s really happening here

Sylvie: Who do you think you’re fooling?

Sylvie: Do you think a pathetic attempt at sounding like her will make anyone believe in it this time around

Jake: I don’t care what anybody else believes, including you

Sylvie: That’s all you care about; it’s all you have

Jake: I have actual problems I’m dealing with; you might be able to forget they ever existed, but I can’t

Sylvie: Are you?

Jake: Every single day

Sylvie: I don’t know why you ever pretended to feel different about me

Sylvie: but I don’t know why I thought you’d explain

Jake: Show me an explanation that’d be good enough for you

Sylvie: Try telling the truth

Jake: You already know the truth

Sylvie: Was it your idea, or did you just go along with it?

Jake: My idea to what?

Sylvie: All of it

Sylvie: to make me fall for you and humiliate me time and again, and see how long I could take it

Sylvie: would it still be going on now, if you hadn’t got sick and realised life is too short to play games with people like that?

Jake: I wasn’t playing games

Sylvie: You’ve made it clear you feel nothing but disdain for me

Jake: I clearly fell for you, hard

Sylvie: Then why are you back with Mona?

Jake: Because karma, life, label it how you want, fucked me over harder

Jake: My head was messed up first; everything got ruined for me first

Jake: I couldn’t take it, and I told you that

Sylvie: I know that

Sylvie: you didn’t let me in, you didn’t even leave the door unlocked, let alone open

Jake: No way was I going to let you see me like that, locking in a gross new perception of me

Jake: You didn’t want pity when I thought you were sick for half a second, [the date of the ghosting incident lol]; you should understand where I’m coming from

Jake: Remember how hardcore you resisted my help at the pharmacy?

Sylvie: Because I was scared, am scared

Sylvie: of relying on anyone, needing anyone

Jake: Well, I’m scared too

Sylvie: Of course you are, this is terrifying

Jake: Keep him away from [drugs lol], and he’s probably pretty reliable

Jake: More than I’m capable of, at least

Sylvie: I don’t care about reliable 

Sylvie: I care about you

Sylvie: and yeah, I care that you can get more comfort from her than me, and I know that’s a selfish thing to care about at a time like this

Jake: You need someone who’s going to be there for you

Jake: Everything about me is unstable

Sylvie: I’ve never had that, I’m the last person who expects it

Jake: Never having had it is why you deserve to

Sylvie: You deserve to not be sick

Sylvie: luck doesn’t operate like that

Jake: She doesn’t treat me like a sick person

Sylvie: How did I?

Jake: You keep bringing it up

Jake: With Mona, I get my old role back, slotting into our familiar rhythm; that’s the comfort you’re talking about

Sylvie: Because I don’t, and it’s ‘I have real problems, by the way; I’m fine, thanks for asking’

Sylvie: this is what it always comes back to; you just don’t want me 

Jake: I don’t want you partnered with this me

Jake: We wouldn’t be an equal partnership; the choreography’s off

Sylvie: You could be your old self with me, too

Jake: Nn [NO he says]

Sylvie: You think just because I’ve managed to stop myself from reaching out, that that means I haven’t been thinking about you constantly

Jake: I can’t be around you; you’d trigger me

Sylvie: What about me?

Jake: Your mental health, however wrecked, isn’t landing you in an ambulance

Sylvie: I wasn’t comparing

Sylvie: if you gave me an idea, I could try not to be triggering

Jake: It isn’t up to you

Sylvie: It’s your decision 

Jake: My feelings- I don’t know how to switch off- are the problem

Jake: My problem

Sylvie: I wind you up, I know

Sylvie: I was going to remind you plenty of times that you said we should be friends, to try

Sylvie: but I knew we’d only end up how and where we did again

Jake: I’m not that evolved

Jake: I’m sorry

Sylvie: I won’t say it’s okay

Sylvie: nothing about this is

Jake: Jealousy is one of the feelings left on

Sylvie: I’d rather you didn’t pretend to be happy for me anyway

Sylvie: I’m never going to pretend to be happy for you two, you know my feelings

Jake: Does he make you happy?

Sylvie: I’m not happy, neither is he

Jake: Makes 4 of us

Sylvie: There’s nothing funny about the idea of that double date

Jake: You weren’t laughing when you woke up from that dream, huh?

Sylvie: It seemed a lot more ridiculous then, too

Jake: What tricks did your subconscious even play? You never revealed any details beyond the loft setting

Sylvie: I don’t think we need to get into that now

Sylvie: trust, it was very triggering 

Jake: I bet

Sylvie: How do you do it?

Jake: ???

Sylvie: Pretend you don’t know everything you know about her

Jake: Pretending Mona’s somebody else was before

Jake: We’re on the after side of the line

Sylvie: Then I guess I mean, how can you stand to be with her?

Jake: I can’t stand any part of my life right now

Sylvie: Why not then

Sylvie: I get it, kind of

Jake: I’m letting a ton slide that sucks

Sylvie: At least you’re not lonely

Jake: She’s guaranteed to be full-on

Sylvie: Doesn’t she care about you?

Jake: Obviously not

Sylvie: I don’t understand how that’s possible

Jake: Narcissist seems a legit armchair diagnosis, without the basis of ever taking a psychology class 

Sylvie: Peut-être…

Sylvie: She was really weird with him

Jake: I haven’t forgotten

Sylvie: Not saying it on his behalf, it’s not like that

Sylvie: but he’s told me about it

Jake: Okay

Sylvie: You know you deserve better

Jake: I’m done discussing either of them

Sylvie: Okay

Jake: Vdm clv [fml c’est la vie, which is a throwback to their first convo again, she said this exact thing]

Sylvie: C mal1! [that’s sneaky, stealing my line]

Sylvie: Koi29 [because what’s new]

Jake: Chuis mal [because I am bad/I feel sick/bad/wrong, I’m in a bad place, the double meaning of it all]

Sylvie: NDK VTR V [which I bodged to be drop your location vibes, because oh how we wish we could reach you boy]

Jake: Ché mwa [for chez moi because at home is where he always is atm]

Sylvie: h24 😞 [because this is a tragedy and we must make what was once saucy/happy sad to reflect as much]

Jake: & twa? [because of course he wants to know where she is rn]

Sylvie: Osef? [who cares baby, ouch]

Jake: TGTM [you matter to me]

Sylvie: Cpl [hit it avril]

Jake: T ou? [where are you cos he wants to know and the more she doesn’t say the more he wants to]

Sylvie: Their flat

Jake: Tfk? [what are you doing? Literally, not in a wtf way, because he will be torturing himself asking for those details even though he doesn’t wanna know and can guess]

Sylvie: [send a picture of whatever Bobby is watching on TV and how far apart y’all are sat because clearly not a fun night for you to be sat scrolling to see and get ragebaited by Mona’s post, the boy does plenty angsting of his own, we know]

Jake: … [because nothing needs to be said, let’s just take a moment to reflect on wtf is occuring lads, and we all know he’s no less gutted than if she sent a pic of them making out cos he do want her to not be miserable, he’s very #conflicted and #messy]

Sylvie: Should I have lied?

Sylvie: I could as easily be staring at my screen in my own room; it makes no difference, really

Jake: To who?

Sylvie: That’s what I mean, it seems like I was trying to be provocative, that it has connotations 

Sylvie: I’m just here, existing, so we’re not technically alone  

Jake: It means something that you’re there

Sylvie: I take it Mona’s not with you 

Jake: Mona isn’t alone in updating and sharing her relationship status

Jake: I know you’re with him, that you’ve moved beyond existing in the same room

Sylvie: I don’t see much irony in her posts, unlike his

Jake: Irony goes over most people’s heads

Jake: She’s trying to make a point

Sylvie: That her social cachet is tied up entirely with you, we got it

Jake: That I’m tied down again

Sylvie: You’re not leaving your house, barely, seems a little much

Jake: I’m not her social media manager

Sylvie: You must not have a problem with it anyway

Jake: I’ve got bigger

Sylvie: Likewise

Jake: I’ll leave you to yours then

Jake: And [whatever was on the TV screen]

Sylvie: DDD [we need to talk]

Jake: Why?

Sylvie: [resending his ‘I feel bad’ message, like that is why/me too]

Jake: [her name because the only acceptable response]

Sylvie: Svp [please, her version]

Sylvie: if it doesn’t work, then that’s just another thing to add to the pile

Sylvie: nothing to lose

Jake: If what doesn’t work?

Jake: What do you want?

Sylvie: Talking

Sylvie: what else?

Jake: I’ve got nothing else to say

Sylvie: Where do you miss most in town?

Jake: [tell her, lowkey it’s giving somewhere unexpected cos it’s not the standard record store or shop that sells guitars, it’s giving a good people-watching spot that’s inspiring for song writing and thinking when he doesn’t wanna be alone at the bench, which ofc she’ll get without him needing to elaborate that’s why]

Jake: Are you going to go and rub the sights and sounds I’m missing in my face? 

Sylvie: [tell him somewhere you go for the same reason to show you get what he’s putting down, obvs]

Sylvie: I don’t do that sort of thing in public anymore, tah

Sylvie: is it a no-go just ‘cos everywhere is or a specific reason? 

Jake: You could head towards [her place she said], show me how cool it is

Sylvie: Role reversal, I’m suddenly your tour guide 

Sylvie: I could, though I look very uncool to be going anywhere 

Jake: I doubt that, but it’s okay, you don’t have to

Jake: I’m uncool for asking

Sylvie: I’ll go, just don’t show up

Sylvie: you’re not the only one who’s allowed to preserve their best self

Jake: I have a headache, honestly, even though it sounds like a super convenient excuse

Sylvie: I believe you

Sylvie: we’re at the stage where you would tell me you don’t want to see me; in fact, you’ve never wanted to see me

Jake: I’d love and hate to see you

Jake: Almost identical amounts

Sylvie: That’s how her posts made me feel

Sylvie: that’s how I feel every day at school

Jake: [in French, for the first full French of the convo, ‘we haven’t kissed’ because all those throwback pics were kissing pics and that’s because he won’t kiss her atm IRL, not because it’s a trigger but because he doesn’t want to, the peak intimacy I fear]

Sylvie: Ah

Sylvie: [French] Making a point, I see

Jake: Slightly labouring hers, but I’m not above it, so

Sylvie: I’m glad you’re standing up for yourself

Sylvie: not just for the obvious reason either

Jake: [French, because he’s about to have some audacity lol] Is he a better kisser than me?

Sylvie: [French] Are you going to believe my answer?

Jake: That depends how you answer

Sylvie: Truthfully

Sylvie: Nn pdt [no, not at all]

Jake: Truthfully, I’m selfishly glad

Sylvie: So am I

Jake: [French] You’re my best kiss, you always will be

Sylvie: No take-backs? 

Jake: Jms ok1 [never, none, because we needed the emphasis there]

Sylvie: m6 [thank you because we really needed to hear that]

Jake: xxx [because you’re welcome truly but in the least cunty and most genuine way possible, cos he needed to say it too, it’s a lil bit healing]

Sylvie: What happened between us, it mattered to me

Jake: I know you don’t believe a word I say anymore

Jake: But meeting you changed me for the better before this did for the worse, for what that’s worth

Sylvie: I do; it’s the parts I’m scared are true, that I’m not sure of, or if I’m ever engaging in wishful thinking…

Sylvie: but really, I think I know, for better and worse, and I’ll never be the same again either

Jake: We aren’t meant to be; that’s how we both know it mattered

Sylvie: It happened, and it was real

Jake: I wouldn’t be fighting to keep it as it was if it wasn’t perfect

Sylvie: I know

Sylvie: it’s just really hard not to fight to keep you

Jake: You’re the most meaningful connection I’ve ever found, when I thought my life wasn’t lacking, and I wasn’t looking for somebody to turn it upside down

Jake: We matched, we were totally in sync 

Sylvie: I thought we’d have time

Sylvie: more time to talk and watch all the films we wanted to watch and listen to the music we wanted to listen to, go everywhere we said

Jake: Create the tracks, film each other

Jake: Be the art we wanted to see in the world

Sylvie: And I don’t think I can do it on my own

Sylvie: I know you want me to

Jake: Other people will inspire you, I have to hope

Jake: 12C4 [one of these days]

Jake: (but not the same as I did)

Sylvie: No one can come close

Sylvie: not in [83 years but writing out in French to be dramatic about it]

Jake: [his reform Judaism doesn’t even believe in reincarnation, but that isn’t gonna stop him from writing 83 lifetimes, baby, also in French]

Sylvie: You better find me in the next

Sylvie: don’t think you can get away 

Jake: I’m still looking for you in this one

Jake: However I can, whatever pieces are mine to hold onto

Sylvie: You know the answer to that

Sylvie: even if you know nothing else 

Jake: If I shattered your heart into 95 shards, don’t tell me

Jake: I can’t hear that and keep mine barely beating

Sylvie: I don’t want to hurt you

Sylvie: and it’s safe to say I very much don’t want you to die; the thought keeps waking me up and making me feel so sick and out of my body weird

Jake: I don’t know how to stop reading the horror stories while everyone else sleeps, of how suddenly I could die

Sylvie: Please don’t

Sylvie: sorry, I typed that before I could think and not, what a ridiculous thing to ask

Sylvie: is it common?

Jake: Maybe it’s dumb; it’s human, though, and it’s sometimes all there is

Jake: Praying, I mean, that I don’t die yet

Jake: Or lose major pieces of myself on an operating table, in the hopes of not

Sylvie: Jake

Sylvie: I’m just going to say it, and if you’re insulted, then you can say whatever you wanna say

Sylvie: but if there’s a surgery, or some miracle drug, in America or wherever, if I can give you that by giving you the money to go

Jake: I’m incurable, which would be the solo definite my doctors feel confident giving me…

Jake: Besides that eye-opener, I’ve been managing this shit how they’re telling me to, and the risk of being an unlucky statistic is supposed to be low

Sylvie: Okay

Sylvie: being reminded that it’s never 0 is the hard part

Jake: Knock on wood, my life is as good and bad as it gets, rolled into one, lame limbo for the foreseeable future

Sylvie: Does it feel like good news

Sylvie: or as incomprehensible as it all was before?

Jake: My meds having long-term side effects wasn’t the news I wanted, but my family’s looking on the bright side of viable, easily accessible treatment in the first place, plus my symptoms being gone

Sylvie: So it’s a toss-up of side effects vs symptoms forever, then?

Jake: Basically

Sylvie: That does suck

Sylvie: though I’ll admit I was super relieved as my first instinct too, hearing all that now

Jake: I don’t know why I’m opening up to you today, I lost count how many others I forced myself to swear I wouldn’t

Jake: Anyway, medical trauma dump over

Sylvie: I want to know, I’ve wanted to know

Sylvie: I hope your symptoms stay gone, and the side effects are minimal

Sylvie: and that I stop waking up every night like I’m possessed, that’d be cool

Jake: Moi aussi

Jake: x 3

Jake: (Especially you getting some sleep)

Sylvie: (it’s the most important if I’m ever going to look cool again)

Jake: Your fringe hasn’t gone anywhere; it’s in my prayers too

Sylvie: You’re wearing it all frustratingly well, except in your eyes

Jake: I am?

Sylvie: Oue [because it’s serious]

Jake: It’s your fault my eyes are dead, they only come alive when I’m stealing glances at you, and that’s practically never because you’re such a know-it-all

Jake: You feel me with miles between us

Sylvie: Because I’m waiting for you to look at me

Sylvie: I barely exist otherwise

Jake: I exist on a grey flat earth, only moving to orbit you

Jake: You’re so bright it hurts my eyes, a shower of endless sparks

Jake: My shooting star I wish on

Sylvie: Jake

Jake: I’m sorry

Sylvie: Don’t be

Sylvie: not for that

Jake: For hurting you

Sylvie: I’m sorry, for every time I made it harder when that’s the last thing you needed

Jake: You didn’t do anything wrong

Jake: Every time you tried to reach me, it’s like I was in an induced coma

Sylvie: I could feel it, how far you had to go to protect us both

Sylvie: it felt like fighting, but I wasn’t fighting you, just gravity, to stop you going off into orbit permanently 

Jake: [a French ‘I miss you’ because it’s been such a long time]

Sylvie: [hit him with it back, is this real life]

Jake: [I’m stealing ‘deux gouttes d’eau’ from cinema date because they are 2 drops of water, they’re so alike and in sync, and water is even more their thing now with all the rain and the crying and everything, peas in a pod could never, bye]

Jake: 💧💧

Sylvie: Tattoo gun next after piercing

Jake: [Find the latest pic of her, whether that’s one Bobby has posted or one from her socials, and draw a teardrop under her left eye like a tattoo because your left ear was the one you wanted pierced, we all remember]

Sylvie: I didn’t know I could cry like I have for you

Jake: I’ve run out of tears; you’ll have to let me borrow one

Sylvie: [do the same to one of his red hair pics]

Jake: When mermaids' tears hit the ocean floor, that’s how pearls are made

Sylvie: I wear mine every day

Sylvie: and I would grow legs for you

Jake: They symbolize hope

Sylvie: You never asked for them back, that means something too

Jake: No take backs, right?

Sylvie: Ok1 [none baby]

Jake: [French] You’ve looked beautiful every day, my pearl

Sylvie: I was starting to think you’d never speak to me again

Sylvie: never mind speak to me how you did

Jake: I shouldn’t

Jake: (but)

Sylvie: (but you have to)

Jake: Oue [forever never casual]

Sylvie: [French] And we have to talk

Jake: [soz not soz but I fear he simply must bring his OG insta back, but completely private and only following her so only she can see, because what a gesture, send her a single grey heart as a DM so she knows, what a rising from the ashes moment ™ ]

Sylvie: [DM him ‘long time no see’ with your own grey heart because must be ref’d]

Jake: [‘forever’ in French  because it’s more extra + 🫧 because it’s giving surfacing from underwater or being able to breathe underwater with her cos she’s a mermaid, either way iconic vibes, and there’s 3 bubbles which is y’all’s number]

Sylvie: I wonder why Ariel was called Ariel…

Sylvie: it suits you, though ❤️❤️❤️

Jake: In Hebrew, it’s primarily a boy’s name

Sylvie: I do think he was gay, maybe it was meant to be a merman all along

Sylvie: Were you always a Jacob, or were there other contenders? 

Jake: [throw out the few other names that you can’t imagine being at all lol, cos I’m sure your mum had several as options]

Sylvie: [tick and cross them off to register your opinion after the fact lol]

Sylvie: You had to be a Jake

Jake: [tell her what baby names you like, not at all casual, but I know you’ve thought about it cos you mentioned having babies with her before, it’s giving notes app list, I won’t commit us because it doesn’t matter, aside from them all being Jewish and the idea being bittersweet now he’s sick, cos they aren’t having a baby no matter how many times winola gay kicks his lil legs]

Sylvie: [doing the same thing even though it is unspokenly so much more !! because this is his list as it was and not his mother’s, which yes, so uncasual it hurts]

Sylvie: [and tell him some ridiculous things your mother did want to call you, because that’s a detail I can see your father telling you in a, you’re lucky I saved you from that, kind of vibe, even if neither of them remembers how Sylvie was agreed upon]

Jake: [crossing out all those ridiculous names so aggressively it looks like another blackout poem because no thank you ma’am, hates her mum so much lol, leaving unspoken space for her to write her own list of baby names over it even if she does not]

Sylvie: Is it hereditary? Is that what you’re thinking?

Jake: While I didn’t lose the genetic lottery, of course there’s a chance my children could, passed on through me

Sylvie: That’s heavy, all the things you’ve had to think about, that none of our peers will for years, if ever

Jake: I distanced myself for a reason; it’s all heavy

Sylvie: I never doubted that much

Sylvie: I was insulted that you doubted me, but it was never about me

Jake: I never imagined you wouldn’t stick by me; that’s why I had to be the one breaking us up

Sylvie: You’re such a man sometimes

Jake: Who knew toxic masculinity had downsides? 

Sylvie: Shh, don’t let your mam or sister hear you

Jake: They’re tuning me out

Jake: Your anti-Mona stance is far from a unique take

Sylvie: That distance probably feels necessary too now

Sylvie: I can imagine

Jake: We’re each coming at this from different angles, the degrees of which are kinda jarring

Sylvie: Happening to you vs happening to your son and your brother must all hit different

Jake: Calling the ambulance traumatised my sister, her son being brought in as a patient unexpectedly mid-shift traumatised my mother, in the end, everybody is

Sylvie: How could you

Sylvie: everyone ends up feeling guilty whilst you swear no one should

Jake: Not to mention, the dad parallels we’re tripping over ourselves to avoid, Talia’s earliest memories of him sick, mom caring for him for years until she pushed out most of hers

Sylvie: Do you talk about it?

Sylvie: All the good memories are everywhere, but have you been able to say any of that shit out loud

Jake: How can I?

Sylvie: How you just did to me

Jake: They’d just reassure me I won’t die, or promise me, were I terminal, they’d nurse me, put their lives on hold, themselves last

Jake: My wishes fucking last

Sylvie: You can’t tell them that’s not what you want

Sylvie: it sounds like a judgment call on what happened with your dad, before getting into the slap in the face of denying their undying love and support

Sylvie: I wouldn’t want it either, if it were me

Jake: My dad’s final years were messed up, the strain on her, ruin of their relationship

Jake: Who dreams of a lovers to carer and dependent arc?

Sylvie: I take it that isn’t what you’ve ever voiced to her though

Sylvie: or how she sees it

Jake: She sees it as the ultimate act of love, devotion 

Sylvie: And you have to let her keep it like that

Sylvie: but you don’t have to let her or your sister do the same for you, ever, that is your choice

Jake: I don’t get a voice in this; she’s a qualified nurse as well as my mom

Jake: No kidding, she constantly talks over me, doubly thinking she knows best, the woman does, what the hell kinda expert am I?

Sylvie: You know what you want, autonomy 

Sylvie: and you literally never bow down to authority figures over anything, let alone something this important

Jake: I couldn’t even talk to you about what I wanted

Sylvie: It’s not going to be easy

Sylvie: but we are talking a literal matter of life or death in this scenario

Sylvie: and it’s your life, at the end of it

Jake: I’ll write them both letters, multiple drafts

Jake: Edit my passive-aggressiveness out

Sylvie: You’re already showing them some boundaries by being back with Mona if they hate it

Sylvie: that’s something

Jake: You hate it

Sylvie: Well, of course I hate it

Sylvie: and I’m right, she is horrible to you

Jake: She’ll send us straight back into renewed radio silence

Sylvie: It’s not up to her

Jake: I can’t force you to bury your feelings for her or me because I need you; I’d be putting more unfair pressure and expectations onto you

Sylvie: We’ve come to the conclusion the alternative doesn’t work

Jake: You have a bunch of alternatives, I’m not doing this to you again, I won’t 

Sylvie: What do you mean?

Jake: Dragging you into the middle

Sylvie: You’re not; it’s a separate thing

Sylvie: you sort out what you need to with her, what you want to do, me and you are a different matter 

Jake: Are we?

Sylvie: Don’t you think so?

Jake: If I could successfully compartmentalize, there wouldn’t have been an overlap, and I wouldn’t be spilling my guts to you about how badly life sucks lately

Sylvie: That isn’t what she gives you

Jake: I’ve got a nerve asking you to listen to me after what I did

Sylvie: Maybe, but that’s what I like about you

Sylvie: and no one knows how they’re going to handle something like this ‘til they’re in it, who’s to say I wouldn’t be loads worse

Jake: You’d be insufferable

Jake: 😏😏😏

Sylvie: I’ll let that slide, seeing as I’m so gracious and forgiving 

Jake: [French] Will you do something else for me?

Sylvie: [French] Anything

Jake: Smoke during your walk to [her fave place in town he wants her to show him, because leave Bobby’s gaff please], I’m meant to quit

Sylvie: Quelle horreur 

Sylvie: at least no doctor can quiz you on your diet with a straight face

Sylvie: [send him a pic of a lit cigarette like a tribute]

Jake: The real horror is not being able to virtue signal my way out of a diagnosis, agreed

Sylvie: Makes you want a smoke, never mind trying to be even more of an angel

Jake: 🚬🚬🚬

Sylvie: Do you want me to rub your face in it?

Jake: Oue [because YES very uncasually]

Sylvie: [a voicenote of her inhaling and exhaling as dramatically as she can, because feels too much of a mess to show him so he’s got to just listen]

Jake: [give her one back of your breathing exercise type breathing, obvs, because trying to be a health queen diva in contrast, but really just flirting as always]

Sylvie: You wish your lungs were full of my secondhand smoke right now

Sylvie: that nicotine hit would calm you down more than any breathing exercise 

Jake: I wish I could meet you at [this location]

Sylvie: I would really like to see you too

Sylvie: I feel like I’ve not been allowed to look at you properly

Jake: [French, for the audacity, because thinking about how she was just at Bobby’s gaff and what she might look like rn] Are you allowed to steal his clothes now?

Sylvie: No

Sylvie: that would be couply and cringe

Jake: You’re a couple

Sylvie: I told you it’s not like that, it’s more like a bit to pretend to be like that on socials, y’know

Jake: X… [he says sure, sceptical af]

Sylvie: I’m not saying nothing's happened, but 

Sylvie: you know what I mean, the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing

Jake: Sure

Sylvie: You don’t wanna talk about either of them, remember

Jake: I know what I said

Sylvie: It is what it is, you said move on

Sylvie: I had to fill my days somehow

Jake: Why him?

Sylvie: Who should I have picked?

Jake: [bar boy, shoutout, cos we’re clearly not threatened by him or y’all’s vibes together at the party or anything lol]

Sylvie: He’s a nice guy, too nice

Sylvie: I’m not exactly in a place to be a good girlfriend or even friend

Jake: I’ll take us being on similar pages about Bobby not being the good guy

Sylvie: Why do you think that?

Jake: Because

Sylvie: ???

Jake: The vibes were off when his first instinct was to carry you into the loft

Jake: Then your description of how he danced with you

Sylvie: He’s a bit of a misogynist for sure, no surprise with how his dad was

Jake: And I’m the last person willing to fall for Mona reframing herself as the victim of that misogyny, but

Jake: I don’t buy that she’d message him completely out of left field

Sylvie: I never thought either of them was a victim, she obviously got played at her own game

Jake: She took the bait, his

Jake: Which isn’t the narrative he fed me

Sylvie: You wouldn’t have listened otherwise

Sylvie: he spoke your language 

Jake: He lied

Sylvie: How?

Jake: His heavily edited version of events, painting himself as an innocent bystander to her crazy

Sylvie: I mean, it’s calculated, yeah

Sylvie: he knows if he came in with your girlfriend is a hoe btw, you would’ve just discarded it, which is clearly not what he wanted

Jake: The screenshots are the screenshots, Mona said what she said

Sylvie: He didn’t want to be seen egging her on

Jake: He didn’t want me to have the full context

Sylvie: In what context would that be okay…

Jake: It isn’t, but neither is egging someone on and deleting the evidence of your part in that

Sylvie: You should talk to him

Jake: No thanks, I’m good

Sylvie: I don’t know what you want me to do about it?

Jake: You’re defending him, so you’re obviously not planning to do anything

Sylvie: Where’d I defend him

Jake: Read it back without smoke in your eyes

Sylvie: I didn’t

Sylvie: and you’re the first person to fall for her shit every time, so, yeah, I’m not scrambling at this brand-new information 

Jake: Forget it

Sylvie: If it makes you feel better about it, whatever

Sylvie: I know what sort of person he is; I’m under no illusion 

Jake: Makes one of us

Jake: Because he presented himself to me as a completely different person, but yeah, whatever

Sylvie: Maybe he was gonna try to be your friend, I don’t know

Sylvie: not like he’s got a lot of them

Jake: Or maybe he’s a 

Jake: No, I’m not going to go there because you’re not coming with me; it’s old news to you

Sylvie: No, those things aren’t related, at all

Sylvie: you can be fake and an asshole, and not deserve those sort of allegations thrown at you

Sylvie: you know I was there willingly, and took that pill as willingly, so drop it

Jake: Nimp [whatever/never mind because consider it dropped]

Sylvie: You’re not the only one that’s allowed to go out with a shitty person, maybe now you get what it’s like to be on the other side of that

Jake: But you’re allowed to immediately pick back up what you tell me to drop?

Sylvie: You’re not going to drop her, I’m not stupid

Jake: You’re at his place

Sylvie: I’m walking to [the spot]

Jake: Fine, you just left

Sylvie: And it’s still not the same thing, because you know I don’t have feelings for him

Jake: [French for the audacity yet again] How many times have you kissed him?

Sylvie: He isn’t affectionate

Sylvie: a handful of times, when he’s high

Jake: I don’t have feelings for her

Sylvie: Did you think they’d come back, if you tried again?

Jake: It’s not like that this time

Sylvie: You were using her

Sylvie: and that wasn’t judgment; I’m obviously using him too

Jake: Everybody gets what they want

Sylvie: I wouldn’t go that far

Jake: You’re not going to walk out on him permanently either

Sylvie: Are you joking?

Sylvie: I have always dropped everything for you, the second you asked me to

Jake: I haven’t asked; I can’t

Sylvie: So don’t blame me, act like this is my idea and what I want

Jake: [French] I don’t blame you, I just hate this

Sylvie: [French] It’s unbearable 

Jake: I’d lose the fistfight too; being toxic isn’t even an option

Sylvie: There’s no fight

Sylvie: if you would let me, I would choose you

Jake: I’m fighting the urge to show up next to you

Jake: Kiss you a handful of times

Sylvie: I smiled ‘til I couldn’t when you said you hadn’t kissed her

Jake: I feel like I’m forgetting your smiles one by one

Jake: Soon I won’t remember any of them

Sylvie: I’m not dying either

Sylvie: I’ll send you one every day

Jake: [French, for being feelsy, cos greatest fear unlocked] What if I’m dead inside and kissing me is like kissing a stranger?

Sylvie: [French] I can feel your heart beating from here

Sylvie: If you were dead inside, none of this would matter, it would be easy

Jake: I can feel your head on my chest

Sylvie: I just want my body to be as close to you as my brain is again

Sylvie: to make you feel better even though I can’t make you better

Jake: We can’t trust my body or my brain

Sylvie: What about baby steps?

Jake: To where?

Sylvie: Talking like this, that’s been okay, right?

Sylvie: We can keep doing this, then see about just talking in person later 

Jake: I’ve missed our talks

Sylvie: Moi aussi

Sylvie: (and you)

Jake: I miss hearing your voice, at school, whenever you speak, my heart in my ears drowns you out

Sylvie: My answers to [whatever hard-ass teacher we’re saying here lol]'s questions aren’t much to miss out on

Sylvie: [send him a voicenote ‘hey’ here and now though]

Jake: [send her one back, but a French hi, it’s giving ‘coucou’ very cutesy and playful and familiar because they’re closer than a friendly ‘salut’, gotta be done, and we’ve gotta talk about his voice genuinely sounding like he hasn’t used it for a thousand years because he’s barely been speaking to anyone]  

Sylvie: [okay, we’ll be in voicenotes until said otherwise; let’s just assume, saying ‘you sound sleepy’ because that’s as much as you’re going to ref it, not here to be dramatic but of course we hear that]

Jake: [likewise, thank god she left Bobby’s, I know he’s deaf but he still doesn’t need to hear this lol, ‘you sound like you’ and the RELIEF in his voice cannot be overstated because he feels so different but thank god she’s still the same]

Sylvie: [this is not your business, sir, go away ‘so do you’ not to be argumentative but reassuring him that you recognise him, letting out a big sigh about it ‘I almost feel as calm as if I was on your chest’ making a noise that gives but not quite because that would be better than this obvs, even if this is good]

Jake: [saying, ‘I’m tired’ in French but going harder than our classic fave fatty gay, using ‘je suis cassé’ because it’s the most extra way I know of, like exhausted, wrecked, completely spent, but more than that, it’s like, I’m broken, there’s an element of physical pain with it as well, the chronic pain girlies would use it, I’m seen it with a fibro example, so being the drama but also v honest, as his own sigh]

Sylvie: [the mm sound could be dismissive, but the genuine compassion in her tone makes you know it is not ‘how have you been sleeping?’]

Jake: [letting her know with a sassy noise that he has NOT been lol, you can also hear his hand in his hair in a stressed manner not a flirty hairflip]

Sylvie: [‘you gotta sleep’ but said like we’ve got to get you to sleep again, like it’s a problem you can solve together ‘do your meds fuck with that?’ because we’re assuming it is just the stress but that’s a possibility too]

Jake: [tell her because some make you feel tired and drowsy in the day like a sedative, some give you insomnia or vivid nightmares and some mess with your sleep cycles like your REM or the deep sleep part, all fun and games, so it depends which ones you’re on, but short answer big yes]

Sylvie: [being quiet at the start, thinking ‘are there any good side effects from them or what?’ like come on tablets, give us something]

Jake: [‘the main symptoms stop’ as an added … ‘normally’ like you’ve literally got your fingers crossed for some normality because you can very much still get seizures while medicated and you know and are scared of that happening ‘they’re much worse’]

Sylvie: [‘I’m sorry I never realised you were sick’ quietly ‘I do feel bad about that’]

Jake: [‘I didn’t want you to realise’]

Sylvie: [‘yeah, but I should’ve, I did care, I do’]

Jake: [‘I should’ve kept the secret better’ because very much wish she didn’t even know the small amounts she do, we hate it]

Sylvie: [a no no sound as we shake our head ‘once you’re used to it, we won’t talk about it this much, if ever’ like it isn’t gonna be like this forever ‘once I know where the lines have to be’]

Jake: [‘the line is in front of you like a wall, and I can’t get used to it’ genuinely sounding devastated by this sick kid era cockblock because we all are]

Sylvie: [we truly all are,  no one more than this gal because she doesn’t fully understand it because she still doesn’t have all the context ‘I only want to be good for you’]

Jake: [saying her name with ALL the feeling because he’s typed it with all the feeling a few times but this will really be hitting like a ton of bricks from the metaphorical wall, really illustrating how badly he wants to go to her or tell her to come to him but also knows that he should be good to her and push her away instead, the struggle is real and so evident in this single word]

Sylvie: [say his back like a prayer]

Jake: [a noise of frustration isn’t strong enough to describe what she’s getting back here, it’s closer to a sob or when you wanna scream but aren’t gonna/can’t, just letting her genuinely hear for the first time how hard this is from his POV]

Sylvie: [doing your own noise back that is so close to a lil cry but you’re trying very hard to not ‘if I’m bad for you, I’ll do better to keep my distance, I’ll try harder’]

Jake: [not even letting her finish clearly with how quickly he’s shooting his reply back like NO NO, ‘I’m bad for you’ all the emphasis on it being him and his fault entirely, likewise sounding like he’s doing his best not to scream cry or throw up ‘it’s all so bad’ quietly, sounding younger than he is because lost and sad like a child actually]

Sylvie: [doing the sort of laugh you do when you do not agree/believe that but you aren’t being cunty ‘you’re perfect for me’ as a whisper he might not hear at this point, making soothing sounds ‘it’s shit, it’s really shit, but you’re incredible, and you’re going to do cool shit despite all this bullshit’]

Jake: [asking for a cigarette in French because it’s always gonna sound cooler, as if this is casual and you are just gonna turn up and smoke it because couldn’t disagree more but he meant what he said in the previous convo about not wanting to piss on her parade until she’s got no hope like him, trying to keep it flirty instead of just depressingly sad]

Sylvie: [the sounds of retrieving, lighting and smoking another for him here ‘don’t be a sore loser when time proves me right, like’ trying to have bants, in this trying time, but you also believe it]

Jake: [I don’t actually know it, soz win, but I’m sure there’s a French expression for know-it-all, so calling her it, with SUCH love in his voice it actually hurts and he might as well have said ILY]

Sylvie: [‘you love it’ said smilingly on a shaky exhale, a brief pause, then ‘I know we’re going to end up together’ a confident statement, the tone is not as definite, but we wanna live up to the nickname and speak it into existence anyway]

Jake: [having to physically stop himself from saying ILY in response there, it’s painfully blatant, eventually when he feels confident he isn’t gonna ‘in our 8th life?’ because 8th day ref always]

Sylvie: [‘and that one, and the 13th’ another ref for y’all, being extra in the ways you can to try and make up for the ones you can’t, adding in French ‘I’m your problem now’]

Jake: [adding ‘don’t forget the 70th, 83rd and 95th’ because other y’all numbers, so simply must ‘always find me and a solution’ huge pressure there but he doesn’t know what else to do at this point, we can forgive him]

Sylvie: [‘okay’ said like it’s that easy, it isn’t and you both know that, but you’re also determined that you will regardless]

Jake: [French agree with that okay of your own, doing an exhale like you’re taking a drag on that cig]

Sylvie: [tell him about places in Paris that match their numbers that they could live, having clearly looked this up before now because she isn’t searching as she speaks, just info she already knows]

Jake: [asking her if she’s reached her destination of where she’s meant to be walking yet to change the subject as subtly and least cunty as you can because Paris and genuinely believing he’ll never go is too heartbreaking, she’ll pick up on it though, it’ll never be that subtle and she knows you too well and cares too much]

Sylvie: [‘not yet’ because very much not been walking with purpose, would have had to stop many times in this rollercoaster conversation, not to mention this spot is probably near y’alls houses and she was at Bobby’s, all that to say, you’ve obvs picked up on the vibe shift ‘I’ll get a move on’]

Jake: [softly repeating her ‘not yet’ in French because he hasn’t gotten to say ‘encore’ in what feels like forever and it’s the greatest them ref and feels like a piece of their former glory but also like the ‘pas’ is like no no you can’t have it or the old you back, also telling her not to rush too, double meanings 5ever, because now that they’re finally talking he doesn’t want that to stop and who can say if it will when she gets there, if there are peeps around or the vibe has shifted again by then]

[punkscowardschampions]

[punkscowardschampions]

[punkscowardschampions]

Sylke pt.2

Sylvie: [an artsy shot of the empty corridor, because something very eerie about it, but very aesthetic, also shamelessly thinking/putting it out there that it would be nice if he were here and they were both alone in said corridor, but that isn’t technically being communicated in this picture lol]

Jake: [likewise do one of the view from outside your living room window because everyone’s at work or school and lowkey (highkey) you’re wishing she’d turn up on your doorstep]

Sylvie: Your house is really cool

Sylvie: I get why your mam works so hard to keep it

Sylvie: and why Talia didn’t move out for Uni

Jake: The house was my parents’ passion project, back when they had passion

Sylvie: You can tell

Sylvie: Next time I go back to Belfast, you can come see mine, it’s similar for dad and [Dua Lipa lol]

Jake: [tell her what Mona said about his house giving her the creeps, a reminder if he already told her at the time, focusing on that instead of Belfast because he genuinely thinks he’ll never go]

Sylvie: Earnest expressions of emotion make her uncomfortable 

Sylvie: it says more about her than you and your family, there’s a lot of love there, that’s immediately clear when you walk in

Jake: Pops does hang out in every inch of wall or shelf space, could be considered overkill, mad as you get when she gets the benefit of the doubt from me

Sylvie: I don’t think it’s weird

Sylvie: that’s your dad, what are you meant to do, look for memories with only your mammy in? He was there

Jake: Throw darts at a single photo of him?

Jake: Something like that, with her as the behavioural blueprint

Sylvie: Your dad didn’t willingly leave you

Sylvie: though that implies it was about her when it obviously wasn’t

Jake: Hers didn’t leave her; he left her mother

Sylvie: Precisely

Sylvie: and my mother pretty much did leave me as well as daddy, and I don’t harp on about it

Jake: I could burn her book, I know it’s not my clothes, but 

Sylvie: Maybe you can burn page [not you having the page number where she says something so egregiously mean and awful about you memorised]

Sylvie: but I like the other things you’ve done with it, and you might get struck with random inspiration again

Jake: [do find and tear out the page she said, I’m gonna say that it’s further than you’ve read in this book but you’re not reading it because you know it’s horrific and nonsense and you refuse, burning it (with the lighter from my creation he’s about to bring to school, but that’s out of shot so our secret until she sees him messing with it), sending her all the artsy content of said page turning to ash, grey again divas] 

Sylvie: 🩶🩶🩶

Sylvie: [and send him you securing the bag of this prop, which we should say is a skull for the iconic vibes, so do a dramatic photoshoot with it, like it’s just bants and y’all haven’t not seen each other for 8 days atp]

Jake: [oh absolutely a skull, 10000%]

Jake: 💀 [one because there is only one and it has the impact of being more !! than 3 somehow and he’s very !! about these pics]

Sylvie: Go on, I bet you know the whole speech off by heart

Jake: Yeah, but you’d accuse me of cheating, by reading it off my phone or whatever

Sylvie: I’d see your eyes moving

Jake: Not in a voice note

Sylvie: Oh, I see

Sylvie: another time

Jake: Are you going to let my current state slide?

Sylvie: You think I’m going to judge you for still being in your PJs?

Jake: I’m serious, promise you won’t make your own speech about the fact I’ve barely slept for the past 8 days

Sylvie: Of course I won’t

Jake: [do your reciting off by heart moment, because you can’t resist showing off, even though you’re trying to show yourself as little as possible (so it hits harder when you are back) because you know you look like shit and in my heart he had this time off school not just for the shock of it all but because when he hit the deck for this first full blown seizure he got a visible bruise or small injury on his face somewhere that he was waiting to heal, like a carpet burn or cut or whatever, and now it has enough that nobody will clock it, maybe we can use your slay eyebrows to help hide it lol]

Sylvie: I’ll have to find some roses to leave with your envelope, in lieu of throwing them at your feet, thespian 

Sylvie: thanks for letting me see you

Jake: 🥀🥀🥀

Jake: Thanks for the thorn warning before I bled all over your hair

Sylvie: A novel way to dye it

Jake: A shame to dye it

Sylvie: That’s a no from you on my own breakdown hair then, yeah?

Jake: Unless you’re trying to drive me to another one

Sylvie: Was that your first, when Samantha did that to her hair

Jake: I wasn’t emotionally invested in hers; yours is important to me

Sylvie: Did have my suspicions you only ever wanted me for my hair

Jake: Is that baby you speaking?

Jake: Because, you know, she had cute hair then too, right?

Sylvie: Tjs [because it’s always baby her speaking when it’s him]

Jake: More than cute, more than adorable

Sylvie: [throw out some French suggestions, ‘cos they love to be cute with it]?

Jake: [add some obvs, because you want to]

Sylvie: You, with your little bonnet 

Sylvie: I’ll never recover

Jake: You, tjs

Sylvie: We can both be cute

Jake: I don’t know if I can anymore

Sylvie: I do, trust me

Jake: That wouldn’t be fair of me

Sylvie: Why not?

Jake: I pushed you away, I’m not allowed to lean on you

Sylvie: We’re trying to be friends, right

Sylvie: we both need people to lean on

Jake: Dac [because more than just okay, he hard agree]

Sylvie: I still need you

Sylvie: I can adjust to in a different way, probably

Jake: However I can be here for you, in whatever role, I’d like to

Sylvie: Right back at you

Sylvie: and I’ll do better to just listen, if you do better at talking

Jake: Deal

Sylvie: 🤝

Sylvie: You’d be proud of how I just talked my way out of trouble for being in the prop cupboard

Jake: Vazi [cos always, to mean go on then]

Jake: Act it out, I’m listening

Sylvie: [do, as a voicenote, using a really OTT one to be the drama teacher who is clearly a one, idk what but it’s giving entitled/got an answer for everything as to why you had to be in there and it was fine, v him vibes is the point]

Jake: 👏👏👏

Jake: You’re learning

Jake: [nevertheless, some notes/feedback written on what she could’ve/he would’ve said as an even more entitled and cocky bastard lol, just cos she’s into it and the reminders of his old self are nice, if bittersweet]

Sylvie: Were you always like this, or did you work on it?

Jake: When you meet my family, you’ll understand

Sylvie: I forgot that I hadn’t, I feel like I know them already

Jake: It does feel like the spare seat at the table could only be yours

Sylvie: I can still come over for dinner

Jake: [write her name on the chair with your finger in the style of if you had a sharpie to hand you’d do it for real again, thankfully for his mum’s sake you do not]

Sylvie: Mine

Jake: [tell her about how each of these other chairs have something wrong with them like a wobbly leg or a squeak etc, cos everything in his gaff is 2nd hand and then loved to death, but the reasons why hers is perfect, like how the sun comes in re the position of it, those kind of vibes, poetic shit]

Sylvie: What are you going to have for your lunch today?

Sylvie: You can borrow my seat

Jake: What are you?

Sylvie: I packed [whatever you did, a salad of some sort perhaps]

Jake: [ask her a salad ingredient based question because you’re gonna make it rn and you gotta make sure it matches hers exactly]?

Sylvie: [give him a lil tutorial about it, though I’m sure it was not the most slay salad of your life, you’re not in the mood to be taking good care of yourself lol but he’s being cute and you don’t want to tank this]

Jake: [shocking she even brought lunch tbh, but he’ll be following along this tutorial dutifully, picking shit from his garden and he will cheered cos his fave place as a result so, send her a pic when you’ve made it before you bomf it in the fridge, very full circle from a pic of her takeaway before I tanked everything]

Sylvie: I was going to go home to have mine

Sylvie: but I’ll stay, prove I’m trying

Sylvie: if I want anyone here to have fond recollections of me when it’s time to go

Jake: I’m trying not to ask who else matters

Jake: Again

Sylvie: It’s still how I feel

Sylvie: but maybe I can rewire my brain

Jake: GspR b1 [I hope so, because for her sake she should]

Sylvie: I was always like this, you don’t need to feel responsible

Sylvie: closeness is a rarity, I’ve never been good at maintaining it for long

Jake: But I do

Jake: I pressed the destruct button; you didn’t do something to make me, I just panicked 

Sylvie: I shouldn’t have put all my eggs in the you basket

Sylvie: I’ve definitely never done that before, you know

Sylvie: if I’d been more chill, whatever that looks like

Jake: I’ve never done chill

Sylvie: You can take your share of the blame there

Sylvie: I didn’t want to slow down, even if it all led to a crash

Jake: I must’ve jinxed us telling you my mom deals with bigger car wrecks than me

Sylvie: The universe has some sense of humour

Jake: A sick one

Jake: At least the diagnosis wasn’t [what his dad died of, which he’s told her about before, so not shocking her here lol]

Sylvie: I didn’t want to ask

Sylvie: but it had crossed my mind, and then crossed back and camped there

Sylvie: thank fuck

Jake: I can’t believe I left you to imagine all this messed up stuff

Jake: Who does that?

Sylvie: You only just went through it yourself

Sylvie: I sound like I’m actually nuts, I just didn’t have anyone to talk to about it, your mind ends up going to those places when you can’t distract it

Jake: I owed you more explanation, detail, something

Sylvie: Alright, we can agree on that, even fake reassurance I knew to be bullshit would’ve been something

Sylvie: but it’s done now, and this works better than radio silence for me, if it works for you

Jake: Keep score, it’s pretty reassuring we’re still capable of agreeing 

Sylvie: And keeping score has remained a constant 

Jake: Exactly

Sylvie: Blank slate, no IOUs?

Jake: Pay up with your hair first, after that, though

Sylvie: See

Sylvie: Fetish strikes again

Jake: You’re welcome I didn’t demand a piercing session, my true fetish

Sylvie: It would’ve gone so well with your new hair, too

Sylvie: 🤘🤘🤘

Jake: Totally

Sylvie: I’ll try not to be mad, if you go get it done in an actual studio

Jake: I wouldn’t dream of going anywhere or to anybody else, that’d ruin the friendship

Sylvie: Cheers for taking the stance, I would’ve sounded crazy if I demanded it of you, but yeah

Sylvie: I would be devastated 

Jake: Moi aussi

Sylvie: I don’t want to have to review-bomb the piercer

Sylvie: but what else could I do under the circumstances? 

Jake: All [however many piercers there are in Dublin, because I’m guessing a lot, and he has just counted lol] of them

Sylvie: I’d be marginally less furious if it were a man

Sylvie: is that #problematic or #woke of me

Jake: Marginally toxic

Sylvie: Improvement then, considering how toxic we were

Jake: A major improvement on me picking someone to stick a needle in my ear based on how much they remind me of you

Sylvie: That would upset me more than anything

Sylvie: the idea you would even try

Jake: I won’t

Jake: I’d rather have a virgin earlobe for the rest of my life

Sylvie: Too soon

Jake: My bad, but I stand by my OG point

Sylvie: It’s fine, I’m sure I won’t die one

Jake: Fat chance

Sylvie: Sorry, it was weird to take it to that place

Sylvie: it’s just on my mind

Jake: It’s cool

Jake: I went there first, lame choice of words

Sylvie: We’ll remember where the lines are, right

Jake: We’ll do our best

Sylvie: I got used to telling you everything

Sylvie: too fast

Jake: Ditto

Sylvie: You’re a good sounding board, really good

Sylvie: maybe that can be in your future 

Jake: Embrace the American and become a therapist? I doubt I’m cut out for it, how I’ve been handling my own problems lately

Sylvie: Haven’t I shown you other people’s problems are a lot easier to ‘solve’?

Jake: Was that your agenda?

Sylvie: I was aiming for supportive

Sylvie: but I’m aware I missed the mark

Jake: That was me

Jake: The puzzle analogy only works in terms of you being abandoned in pieces, put down unfinished

Sylvie: You thought I didn’t care, that’s how bad at communicating my feelings I am

Jake: I told myself you didn’t, to make it easier to do what I needed to do

Jake: I told myself a bunch of things that aren’t true, yet or maybe ever

Sylvie: You’re scrambling, understandably 

Sylvie: if you could deal with me, it was one less problem, I get it

Sylvie: and I haven’t made that as easy as I should’ve

Jake: It shouldn’t be easy

Sylvie: It should, when this is the worst for you already

Sylvie: I should do anything I can, if I care about you at all

Jake: You are

Sylvie: We both feel like assholes, for different reasons

Jake: I made you feel like one

Sylvie: We were being bad people together

Sylvie: but I don’t have to be one, I think I can be alright, sometimes, like

Jake: You’re not a bad person, Sylvie

Sylvie: Am I convinced by this reassurance? 🤔

Sylvie: it was fun, I’m not lamenting

Sylvie: [French] just that it’s over

Jake: I was lashing out

Sylvie: I forgive you

Sylvie: and I can handle it, whatever my crashout suggests 

Jake: Don’t forgive me, that isn’t what I’m saying it for

Sylvie: So I know, understand

Jake: Everything I said was to back you into a corner

Sylvie: Did I give you the reaction you wanted then?

Jake: I can’t even remember

Sylvie: Fair

Sylvie: I don’t know how you’ve been around your mammy and sister the whole time

Sylvie: just trying to have a call with my daddy fried my brain, fuck knows how I explained my shitty plan well enough to convince him

Jake: My mom and sister are a mess themselves, we’re equally sucking at coping

Sylvie: Of course

Sylvie: all bets are off at yours

Sylvie: I wish there was something I could do for you, but I am not confident my vegan offerings would be up to scratch 

Jake: You could bring your [salad] over and eat lunch with me?

Sylvie: Yeah?

Sylvie: We could do that

Jake: [his mum by her first name]’s around here somewhere to act as chaperone

Jake: No funny business, a strictly platonic date

Sylvie: I wouldn’t dream of it

Sylvie: Am I allowed to hug you?

Jake: Friends hug, we’re good

Sylvie: I’m not sure I will be able to control the impulse when I see you, that’s all

Jake: If it’s too soon or too hard, you don’t have to come

Sylvie: I’ll be fine

Sylvie: just after all the wild shit my head was coming up with, to actually see you will be a trip at first 

Jake: What about okay?

Sylvie: Okay if you hug back

Sylvie: no one armed bullshit

Jake: [swearing on an ingredient in this salad lol, a silly thing to do to pretend he’s not being deadly serious]

Sylvie: Cool

Sylvie: it’s a totally platonic friend date with 0 funny business 

Jake: And no judgment

Sylvie: Duh

Sylvie: you said I’m not a bad person, surely that’s bare minimum 

Jake: It feels like forever since we’ve been around each other

Sylvie: It has been

Sylvie: comparatively 

Jake: A lifetime ago, comparatively

Jake: Shock factor is probably bare minimum

Sylvie: You feel like a new person

Sylvie: when I recognise you, you’ll see you’re still in there too, even if you’ve got to make room for the new as well as the old

Jake: What if you don’t?

Sylvie: I will

Sylvie: Trust me

Jake: We shouldn’t do this

Jake: I’m not ready to completely shatter your illusions

Sylvie: What illusions?

Sylvie: like, we don’t have to if you’re not up for it but

Jake: That the old me exists anywhere outside your memory

Sylvie: Oh Jake

Jake: Forget I suggested meeting up

Sylvie: Alright

Sylvie: forgotten

Sylvie: we’ll just see each other when you’re back

Jake: C rdv [it’s a date]

Sylvie: You can’t avoid me forever

Jake: Eventually, the Band-Aid’s getting ripped off 

Jake: Ready or not

Sylvie: Sometimes it’s easier when you don’t see it coming, you can’t anticipate the pain

Sylvie: maybe I’ll show up, unannounced, be completely tone-deaf about it

Jake: Maybe I’ll pretend to be out

Sylvie: If your mother is in, I can introduce myself

Jake: It’s time she had a face to put to the name

Sylvie: You have time to amend your story

Jake: My story holds up, and I’ve got it straight

Sylvie: You told her we were friends? 

Jake: We weren’t friends when I told her about you

Sylvie: Right, that’s what I was thinking

Sylvie: Obviously you didn’t tell her the whole truth

Jake: We can agree to disagree on what the whole truth is, or was

Sylvie: I’m not disagreeing, I’d just be surprised if you talked to your mam about that sort of stuff

Jake: I wasn’t admitting to spilling every single detail over cups of [insert relevant pretentious herbal tea here]

Sylvie: Thank God

Sylvie: not going to win her over if you had 

Jake: We’re close, but nothing weird, we’ve established a few boundaries

Sylvie: I can’t judge, I don’t know what normal looks like

Jake: I’d be in big trouble with her for what our normal looked like

Sylvie: I’m not planning on telling

Sylvie: but isn’t it my choice, she should be thrilled 

Jake: Yeah, psyched her son fell into every trap he’s meant to avoid

Sylvie: There’s a big difference between what we did and being a real misogynist 

Jake: Rating me kinda acceptable on a sliding scale doesn’t excuse my behaviour

Sylvie: Yes it does

Sylvie: you’re respecting me knowing my own mind and body to know what I want

Sylvie: and you’re not being paranoid I’m going to turn around and say it was something it wasn’t and make false allegations 

Sylvie: We didn’t do anything wrong

Jake: I’ve changed my own mind enough times to treat you like shit

Sylvie: It’s complicated

Jake: No, it’s not

Sylvie: It is

Jake: I haven’t shown you any respect

Sylvie: That’s mutual, we don’t need to respect each other

Sylvie: we’re teenagers

Jake: It’s simple, I should’ve, and I didn’t

Sylvie: You don’t have to rewrite it

Sylvie: you gave me exactly what I wanted

Sylvie: didn’t I give you what you wanted?

Jake: You don’t want this

Sylvie: Now is now

Jake: You didn’t want me to leave the party with Mona

Jake: Or answer her call when I did

Jake: That was then

Sylvie: I knew she existed

Jake: Don’t rewrite me to be better than I was

Sylvie: All I was saying was the ways in which we messed around were totally above board, and you don’t need to guilt-trip through them 

Jake: In the eyes of my mom, I’d be headed on a giant guilt trip, one long from start to finish, that’s the discussion we were having

Jake: I didn’t say I was personally torturing myself

Sylvie: Well, I think she’s wrong, that’s all

Jake: You’re biased 

Sylvie: Because it’s half my experience 

Jake: And in hers, she raised me to not be a fuckboy

Sylvie: In the grand scheme of things, does it matter?

Jake: We’re on the topic because of you

Sylvie: I mean, you thought you two were on a break, so then there was miscommunication overlap

Sylvie: she hasn’t failed, you’re not out here making it a hobby

Jake: My dating life is taking a backseat to real life, so no, it doesn’t matter

Sylvie: Exactly

Sylvie: stop being weird about it

Jake: I wasn’t

Sylvie: You want me to think about it differently 

Jake: I can’t control how you think

Sylvie: No, you can’t

Sylvie: not anymore

Jake: C’est la vie

Sylvie: Yeah, not the worst news you’ve received as of late, I get it

Jake: In a world where you got this, we wouldn’t be debating my mother’s moral stances on my cheating

Sylvie: You can give it a rest with that

Sylvie: because if I don’t get it, it’s because you don’t want to talk, pardon me for not forcing you

Jake: Let’s put this whole conversation to bed while we’re at it

Sylvie: Nice

Sylvie: You know what you’re doing now, playing with me and putting me down when you get bored, so well done, prophecy fulfilled 

Jake: Bored?

Jake: I’m exhausted

Sylvie: That’s not what you said

Sylvie: if you think you’ve got free rein to be a dick to everyone now, you’re in for another rude awakening on that front

Jake: From your, I’m a retired fascist dictator, POV I’ve always had free rein

Sylvie: I’m not in the cult

Sylvie: but yeah, that certainly helps with your entitled attitude

Jake: The entitlement I was either born with or strongly encouraged to develop

Jake: We touched on nature vs nurture earlier

Sylvie: Well, precisely, your mammy having a less shining view of you could only help you at this point, let’s be honest

Sylvie: you could try taking some of this out on her

Jake: And you could keep her out of your beef with me

Sylvie: I don’t have beef with you, for Christ’s sake

Jake: You clearly do

Sylvie: I’m just not going to be talked to a certain way

Jake: Je vé [I’m going]

Sylvie: Okay, get some rest

Jake: See you at school

Sylvie: See you there

Sylvie: I’ll keep out of your way

Jake: Same

Sylvie: If that’s what you want

Jake: It’s what has to happen

Sylvie: Same difference, so sure

Jake: Because we can’t communicate properly via text

Sylvie: It could be easier in person, less room for miscommunication 

Sylvie: but I’m not going to force you to try

Jake: More room for heavy silences

Sylvie: I get that everything is on a downer for you right now but 

Sylvie: there’s no reason to assume that

Jake: There’s constantly a but proving you don’t get anything

Sylvie: You want me to agree and say your life is over, and everything is hopeless

Sylvie: I don’t think that’s helpful, even if what I’m trying isn’t either, what does that do?

Jake: I don’t want your help

Sylvie: If you were in my position, you would want to help

Sylvie: one minor thing happened to me, and you were all over it

Jake: I didn’t have your back, I was on it

Sylvie: You were proud of it when you were saying I didn’t try hard enough 5 minutes ago

Sylvie: help is the wrong word; there’s nothing I can do

Sylvie: I’m trying to be there

Jake: You’re pinballing from one extreme to the other

Sylvie: Well, you pushed me away

Sylvie: then we were gonna be friends

Sylvie: I’m trying to keep up

Jake: You should’ve shot me down

Sylvie: ‘Course

Sylvie: ‘cos I always should’ve done what I didn’t

Jake: None of my brainwaves are rational

Sylvie: I’m getting that

Jake: I need you to be the voice of reason or shut up

Sylvie: Charming

Sylvie: but alright, do my best

Jake: Jpp [because his trusty I can’t take it anymore has never been more true or apt, understatement of the century]

Sylvie: JC [I know, feeling like as big of an understatement because you can feel it but have no idea what to do about it]

Sylvie: dsl dsl dsl [because so sorry this is happening]

Jake: Nn chu dsl c ouf [no, I’m sorry, this is crazy, mirroring their first convo]

Sylvie: C… [it is, the dreaded but there unsaid]

Sylvie: It’s happening to you, not me, and you didn’t choose this

Jake: Mais [because this hypocrite is allowed to say but haha]

Sylvie: It’s a good word

Sylvie: I’ll let you borrow it

Jake: To borrow more of yours from before, I’m choosing to fuck with your head

Jake: So much

Sylvie: I think yours is so fucked you can’t control it, actually

Sylvie: or, you have intentions beyond that, even if everything has just ended up messed up, regardless 

Jake: What the hell am I doing?

Sylvie: You’re trying to get your head around this shit

Jake: I’m openly contradicting myself

Sylvie: You’re all over the place

Sylvie: anyone would be

Jake: And you literally only just arrived back in the city

Jake: Reunited for a day, not even in person, and this is where we’re at

Sylvie: It’s just so different

Sylvie: there’s a lot to adjust to

Jake: [French because he’s !! and mad] Fuck the adjustment period

Sylvie: [French] Fuck it

Jake: I miss you

Jake: [French because we’ve gotta be more extra about it for this one] I miss me

Sylvie: I miss not feeling like the school counsellor 

Sylvie: it’s really demoralising to try so hard and be so ineffective, I might have to go in and pretend to be cured, give her an easy win

Jake: [saying you miss whatever lesson you should be in rn but in a more specific way than that, whether it’s a ref to your teacher or the work you should be doing or whatever]

Sylvie: That’s a bonus

Sylvie: I’ll make up some soft balls for her, something fixable with a breathing exercise 

Jake: You fixed me with a breathing exercise, temporarily, but the lack of anxiety attack on top of everything else, I’m counting as a small win

Sylvie: Maybe that’s the key

Sylvie: no talking, no thinking, just breathing

Jake: It’s definitely a bonus, me not talking

Sylvie: You know I’ve always liked talking to you

Jake: Past tense

Sylvie: No

Jake: I’ve never liked hurting you

Sylvie: I’ve never felt like you’ve been having fun, enjoying this

Jake: I wish I had a key

Jake: Or you had a code to break, for real

Jake: Something that made this make sense

Sylvie: I want to get it, so bad

Sylvie: [French] I promise

Jake: I want you to remember me how I was

Sylvie: Are you dying?

Jake: You can’t promise to do that if we’re friends

Jake: I wouldn’t stay him if we stay in touch

Sylvie: What do you mean, you’re you

Sylvie: you’re you if you’re dying

Jake: I’m me under a dark cloud

Jake: The image of me lit up on stage gets dimmed

Jake: Nobody’s favourite part of the night is when the lights switch on, and the venue closes

Sylvie: You’re my favourite 

Jake: I wouldn’t be

Sylvie: Stop saying that

Jake: Stop fighting us going out on a high

Sylvie: You’re leaving me with nothing but memories

Sylvie: but you’re going to still be here, alive

Jake: Awesome untouchable memories

Sylvie: We could have more

Jake: I can’t match them

Sylvie: I just want to be with you

Jake: I refuse to watch you fade to grey

Jake: Lose your spark every minute you’re with me

Sylvie: I only have a spark when I’m with you

Jake: That’s not true

Sylvie: It is

Sylvie: time stood still when I went home, never-ending nothingness 

Jake: You’re full of life, it’s in your name

Sylvie: No I’m not, what does that even mean

Jake: I’ve already lost one Paris, I’d never recover from losing the other, too

Sylvie: What about me?

Jake: It’s for you

Jake: To keep the taste of [whatever fruit they were feral with when] instead of ashes in your mouth

Sylvie: Now you’re the one who really doesn’t get it

Jake: No, I do

Sylvie: You don’t

Sylvie: this taints everything

Jake: Tainted is better than rotten

Sylvie: For you

Sylvie: and if that’s all you have the bandwidth to care about, I suppose I can’t blame you for that

Jake: For us

Sylvie: I’m telling you no

Jake: Moments will become salvageable

Sylvie: Trust me when I say that all I am going to remember is that you left

Jake: While the wounds are raw, you feel that

Sylvie: Because that’s what you did, and it nullifies everything that came before

Jake: It’s too late, I’m gone

Jake: I don’t know how to come back

Sylvie: Yeah, I think it is

Jake: [her name with the most !!! and sadness ever]

Sylvie: I wish I knew how to reach you

Sylvie: but I just don’t, you’ve never been further from me

Jake: [French] The distance is necessary

Sylvie: The distance will kill us

Jake: It’ll be a lifesaver

Jake: For the half of us who can be saved

Sylvie: You can’t tell me how to feel and act and make it the truth just by the telling

Jake: It’s going to become the truth by you living it

Sylvie: Nah

Jake: I have to believe some good can come out of this

Jake: Or my religion’s on the trash heap along with everything else

Sylvie: You don’t get to throw me on it and still try to live vicariously through me

Jake: [French] What’s next then?

Sylvie: You’ve pushed me out of your life, you’re out of mine

Sylvie: what’s next for either of us isn’t the other’s business 

Jake: Okay, fine

Sylvie: Consider yourself lucky

Sylvie: I don’t even know if you’re fucking dying or not, you’re already torturing me with the unanswered yet again

Jake: You could’ve been run over by a car walking to mine for lunch

Jake: The when is an unanswered question for everybody

Sylvie: Difference is you’re shutting me out like it’s imminent 

Sylvie: whereas you assume and go forth like my life is absolutely perfect

Jake: My ego death was

Sylvie: One wasn’t enough for your massive ego

Sylvie: clearly

Jake: Your life’s meaningful, mine isn’t

Jake: Everything that gave it meaning is also gone

Sylvie: That’s the most egocentric thing I’ve heard in my life, Jake

Jake: That’s how I feel

Sylvie: All that gives our life meaning is the people we have

Sylvie: do you know how few people I have

Sylvie: I mean, wow

Jake: I formed connections with people through what I created

Sylvie: Everything you created still exists 

Jake: In a vacuum now, cut off from me

Sylvie: Like everything

Sylvie: like me

Jake: There’s a line, separating before and after

Sylvie: One you’re terrified to reach across 

Jake: One you couldn’t pull me across if you tried, you said so yourself, it’s too far

Sylvie: You should have nothing left to lose

Sylvie: but that’s not where we are

Jake: Everything I love about you isn’t something I’m comfortable gambling with

Sylvie: That’s not fair

Jake: I’m trying to protect you

Jake: And the pieces of the old me I can

Sylvie: That’s so much pressure on me, to be fine, to fucking thrive

Jake: There’s no pressure, no overnight deadline

Sylvie: Right, thanks

Jake: P2k [you’re welcome, but the other way to say it than his usual fave, which he’s written inside of her before, for obvious reasons]

Sylvie: Kdo [to be like what a gift, heavy on the sarcasm rn]

Jake: CPG [because this couldn’t be a bigger deal truly]

Sylvie: TFQ [because we’d all like to know]

Jake: J V P M R [I’m not going to repeat myself, written with the max drama and !! there lol]

Sylvie: TG [then shut up, we say]

Jake: [do, hit her with some radio silence again]

Sylvie: [oh lads, what a time you’re having]

Jake: [we can always do a lil skip here if you like]

Sylvie: [I think we’ll need to, that was productive considering but you’re not getting any further rn, do you have a pref for when you would like to skip to?]

Jake: [when he comes back to school probably makes sense, though we can go further if y’all are hardcore avoiding each other and we therefore need]

Sylvie: [yes that’s what I’m debating, because as it stands, she’s probably going to do her best to avoid him because that’s what he says he wants]

[punkscowardschampions]

Sylke pt.1

Sylvie: [Okay, so this girl coming back on the 8th day, because what other you two number could I reference here, really, and even if she imagines (in her many MANY tortured imaginings) that he’s going to have a few days off for this life altering news, she also knows he tries to be a good boy for his mother and thus she was pretty certain he’d be back before she was and thus here to see her return… so when he is not, she is SHOOK and does enough investigating to confirm he hasn’t been to school this whole time either (and assumedly his friends are freaking because what do y’all do without your fearless leader divas lol), so sending this message on this 8th day (the first since, despite wanting to/drafting many MANY messages in that fun interim she was going crazy in her house alone)]

Sylvie: Your mammy took you up on the online school thing, then

Jake: Negotiations are ongoing 

Sylvie: What’s her against sounding like? 

Jake: What do you want, Sylvie?

Sylvie: Nothing, I just thought you’d be here

Sylvie: or would have told your friends something for them to spread instead of the speculation that’s going all around 

Jake: I told you I wouldn’t be

Sylvie: I figured your mam would win out

Jake: It’s been a week

Jake: [someone they both know] skipped longer when [a band she likes broke up or something to that effect]

Sylvie: I’m not giving you a verbal warning, like

Sylvie: you usually like school more than [this person], evident in her piss poor excuses

Jake: Well, I warned you I was kinda going through something at home

Sylvie: I know that, Jake

Sylvie: I wasn’t judging; I just noticed

Jake: All you’re doing is pointing out the obvious

Jake: Not to mention what sucks, I’d love to be at school

Jake: For everything to go back to normal

Sylvie: When will you be back?

Jake: I don’t know

Sylvie: You can’t just drop out; there have to be things you can put in place

Jake: I’m not saying that’s my plan

Sylvie: Okay

Sylvie: [one of the band peeps] is saying you got signed, but only you; that’s why you broke up the band

Jake: Wow, the backstabbing was immediate, huh?

Jake: Congrats, you’re a confirmed great judge of character

Sylvie: In fairness, he thinks you started it

Sylvie: like I said, I could push another, more chill, agenda around, if you wanted

Jake: I don’t care what he thinks or the propaganda machine spits out, it’s the least of my fucking worries 

Sylvie: Point taken

Sylvie: propaganda is a little strong, you’re not some radical in exile, but I get the gist 

Jake: Take the hint and leave me alone

Jake: Exile is exile, whatever the cool or lame reason

Sylvie: And you’re super busy being angry

Jake: That too

Sylvie: You’ll get better at it

Sylvie: that f bomb was almost seamless 

Jake: Visible stitches would seem like a pattern of attention-seeking post-ambulance, I guess

Sylvie: I’m not feeling special in my attention being the last thing you’re after, sure it’s universal 

Sylvie: but I put to bed any rumours we’d been doing more of our own attention seeking all week

Jake: I’m sure you haven’t been feeling left out since; the collective psyched male whoop that went up, started by [his friend she danced with] and carried through class after class

Sylvie: Your mystery is more mysterious, sorry to say

Sylvie: I’ve mostly just been asked why I didn’t throw a massive house party 

Jake: Valid question

Sylvie: Is it?

Jake: From the masses

Sylvie: It’s what I’d do if this were a film

Jake: If you weren’t mentally scarred from the last party

Sylvie: I’ve taken the pregnancy test; we’re in the clear

Jake: You’re in the clear, pregnancy scare wasn’t ever my family emergency

Sylvie: Last time we talked, it was your fault

Sylvie: are you rescinding your culpability now?

Jake: My conscience won’t suddenly also be clear 9 months from now either way

Sylvie: It had nothing to do with you; that’s the truth

Sylvie: so, don’t feel bad, then or now

Jake: Don’t tell me how to feel about a situation I was directly involved in

Sylvie: I’m telling you you weren’t, so take the out and focus on your real shit

Jake: Do whatever you want, including rearranging the narrative to suit you best

Sylvie: It doesn’t paint me in the best light

Sylvie: but that doesn’t matter now; we’re not playing games anymore 

Jake: You aren’t my muse anymore; I’ve downed painter’s tools

Sylvie: And they say depressed people make the best art…

Jake: People with nothing else to say love a platitude 

Sylvie: Nothing

Jake: Yeah

Sylvie: Radio silence is your preference 

Jake: Because unsurprisingly, making awkward small talk with you isn’t

Sylvie: Excuse me for caring

Sylvie: where you were and how you’re doing

Jake: You’re meant to stop

Sylvie: I’m meant to be a worse person than I already am, on your say-so 

Jake: You’re supposed to protect yourself

Sylvie: I am

Jake: Not

Sylvie: From you?

Jake: How many times are you going to open up an unnecessary dialogue and yourself to being hurt in the process?

Sylvie: You can’t hurt me

Sylvie: and you don’t have to reply

Jake: And then what?

Sylvie: Shouting into the void will be less confusing without you talking back, probably

Sylvie: Who knows

Jake: Okay

Sylvie: I didn’t realise I wasn’t allowed to be as concerned as everyone else is

Jake: You reaching out when you already know what’s wrong and you can’t do anything to help is just pointless, that’s all

Sylvie: Yeah, I guess

Sylvie: though I’ve only got your word there’s nothing I can do

Jake: Unless you’re planning to reach out to my mother and sister too, get their word for it

Sylvie: As the lines are all drawn once again

Sylvie: don’t think I’m not tempted, still

Jake: If you want to switch from red flags to waving 🏁

Sylvie: I would feel worse having to bother them 

Sylvie: I assume they’re still going to work and Uni

Jake: It’s literally none of your business what my family’s schedules look like right now

Sylvie: You heard me say I’m not going to contact them

Jake: I heard you’re tempted

Sylvie: Doesn’t mean I’ll give in

Jake: First time for everything

Sylvie: That’s rich coming from you

Jake: Which is why I’ve been radio silent for [the exact number, unhinged and uncasual] hours

Sylvie: Could’ve fooled me…

Sylvie: It’ll be more of an achievement when we’re face-to-face again, if you make it back to school

Jake: I’m fooling nobody; you’ve tempted me from the moment we met

Jake: Going no contact is the only solution

Sylvie: A disappointingly biblical take

Sylvie: I’m not dropping any of my subjects

Jake: I’m not asking you to

Jake: School’s my last priority; college is off even the hypothetical table now

Sylvie: My point is, you will probably have to come back, at some point

Sylvie: my old school was insistent there was really no chance of me moving back there this late in the year

Sylvie: are you going to cover your eyes and turn the other way if you see me coming?

Jake: To take the heat off my mom, should she keep vetoing the online stuff

Jake: I don’t need to pass any of my subjects, and we don’t have to interact

Sylvie: Alright, you’ve thought it through

Sylvie: more than most of our peers have

Jake: I’ve had time

Sylvie: [repeat those hours back like mhmm]

Jake: [the amount of those hours approximately you should’ve been sleeping, based off when your mum and sister are, but we know you’re not much]

Sylvie: [doubling it, even if you’re being hyperbolic, because what else is a girl to do when she’s depressed as hell and not allowed to do what she wants to]

Jake: Did you call your dad?

Sylvie: Why does that matter?

Jake: Why does anything?

Jake: I hate thinking of you alone in an empty house

Sylvie: There’s plenty I hate thinking about when it comes to you

Jake: Fingers crossed the habit breaks soon

Sylvie: I don’t get to ask questions

Sylvie: but yeah, I had to ask him if he was cool with me coming back and switching schools, obviously

Jake: I’m not holding a gun to your head demanding answers

Sylvie: I’m not making it that difficult 

Jake: You make everything I have to do that difficult

Sylvie: I’m trying

Sylvie: to not, I mean

Sylvie: really fucking trying

Jake: Me too, my hardest

Sylvie: I was worried

Sylvie: when you weren’t in your seat

Jake: I’m sorry

Sylvie: It’s stupid

Jake: I search for and expect to see you in parts of this place you haven’t gone into before; that’s stupid

Jake: Like you’re dead

Sylvie: I feel like I got the whole tour, on the one hand

Sylvie: on the other, feel like my eyes were closed the entire time I was in your house

Jake: It was just a venue, a backdrop, setting the scene

Jake: I thought you’d get to come back, pick the garden, eat at the table… lots of things

Sylvie: Me too

Sylvie: Like you said, we had lots of dreams

Jake: Day and night

Sylvie: I know it can’t be how it was

Sylvie: that it’s changed for you

Jake: The but you’re trying to push on us, into that gap, can’t exist

Sylvie: Don’t put words into my mouth just to refute them

Jake: I feel each syllable in my chest, whether you speak them out loud or only in your head

Sylvie: I wish you could read my mind

Jake: I could

Sylvie: We wouldn’t be here if we still had that ability

Jake: We’re here because I’ve lost the ability to do basically everything else

Jake: Mind-reading isn’t enough; no single aspect of what we had would be 

Sylvie: That’s bullshit

Sylvie: you’re not dead, don’t act like it

Jake: You don’t get to tell me how to act or what to grieve

Sylvie: You don’t get to give up

Jake: On you I do, I am

Jake: It’s over

Sylvie: That wasn’t what I was saying

Sylvie: but you already knew that

Jake: You’re not my life coach

Jake: I’m running out of roles to use to labour this point

Sylvie: I don’t care if you give up on school, if that’s what you want

Sylvie: if you do fucking anything, or don’t do it

Sylvie: as long as it’s because you want to

Jake: Seriously?

Jake: You’re not that naive either, you’ve got a better grasp of how the world works than most kids our age

Jake: And how it doesn’t, which is spin or stop on an axis of my wants

Sylvie: You seriously think it doesn’t now

Jake: It never did, that’s a dumb fantasy

Sylvie: Your life is going to suck

Sylvie: and now you’ve got this to blame, instead of trying and maybe failing all on your own merit

Jake: My life already sucks, and this is totally to blame

Sylvie: You’re a natural

Jake: Thanks

Sylvie: This is how you want it; I’ll play along

Sylvie: there’s no getting through to you

Jake: There’s no playing pretend

Sylvie: Infantilise me, like you didn’t love it when it suited you

Jake: I have to grow up, scary adult shit is happening, like it or not

Sylvie: And you’re the only one who gets that

Jake: Askip [for a sassy apparently because she doesn’t get him rn clearly he says]

Sylvie: 🥇 for the struggle olympics, congratulations 

Jake: 🖕 you earned it

Sylvie: Back at you, asshole

Jake: [calling her childish in French, with the most derogatory connotations possible here, it’s not fun or silly like gamine he’s being SERIOUS ™ and a meanie, kinda hot though, we know hehe] 

Sylvie: Right, and I’d love to see your mom ever trust you to live on your own

Jake: Your father isn’t doing a trust exercise

Jake: An experiment in parental neglect, maybe

Sylvie: Ha, there we go

Sylvie: I don’t know how she put up with you for so long; you are insufferable 

Jake: I’ll tell her to write a book about it, cash in

Sylvie: I meant Mona

Sylvie: can she?

Jake: Uh, in her case, probably not

Sylvie: but no, you’ll even get a dedication from your mother, for sure

Jake: Are you sure you don’t mean Mona’s mother this time?

Sylvie: At least that one was funny, give you that

Jake: ⭐️⭐️⭐️?

Sylvie: Participation trophy

Jake: C pa 5pa [that’s not nice, the way she wrote it in their first convo]

Sylvie: Cb1 [that’s good, because we’re meant to be being mean]

Jake: GG [because french texters use good game to mean like well done or you’re too good appaz and he’s saying she’s too good at being mean lol]

Sylvie: Tmv [to mean you’re bad, but not specifying whether we mean he’s bad at being mean (we don’t) or he’s bad in general because :( (that one)]

Jake: 🖤 [one for the manly teardrop of it all again, and black to be emo]

Sylvie: 🤍 [to be arguing black from white because how it be feeling]

Jake: 🩶 [to compromise or make a baby lol]

Sylvie: 12c4 [one of these days]

Jake: … [because you should stfu but you don’t want to clearly]

Sylvie: JC [god bless the double meaning forever

Jake: [saying her name again because he yet again wants to tell her everything he isn’t]

Sylvie: N [for haine = hate because hate everything about this]

Jake: [when you were gonna write the no more hate thing and do but delete it before you send it because y’all are supposed to be hating each other but she’ll still know what you were typing cos she knows you]

Sylvie: ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Jake: 🩶🩶🩶 [because grey is so moody tbh it’s giving the previously rainy sky, puddles, cigarette smoke, his insane eyebags, all the things]

Sylvie: 🪽🪽🪽 [because we’re picking up what you’re putting down and wholeheartedly agreeing]

Jake: All else fails, I can brainstorm merch for [a local emo band lol because bringing that back from the OG]

Sylvie: Assuming you’re allowed near a merch table ever again

Jake: Assuming I leave the house ever again

Sylvie: You will

Sylvie: when you’re up for it, and don’t think I’m gonna be there waiting for you

Jake: Rock bottom

Jake: Which I think is what their debut album’s unironically titled

Sylvie: Of course it is

Sylvie: I’ll have to give them a listen

Jake: They’d be glad of the groupie

Sylvie: They can join in the Mexican wave, or whatever you said

Jake: When did I say that?

Sylvie: [send him when he was being salty about his friend at the start of this convo and the collective whoop of it all lol]

Jake: Right

Sylvie: Was that meant to be a diss or a compliment anyway?

Jake: Art’s subjective

Sylvie: So I can still be your muse if I piss you off enough

Jake: Is that a question or a statement?

Sylvie: I don’t need permission to be a pain in the ass

Jake: Or practise

Sylvie: Is that what we were doing?

Jake: You were baiting me, like you always do

Sylvie: Lab 🐀s learn consequences faster

Jake: [ofc have a flirty rant about lab rats and animal testing etc, you’ve gotta get some of your feelings out somehow and getting on your high horse will make you feel normal and like your old self for a sec, even if it makes you feel sadder after because you’re not]

Sylvie: I can’t argue for animal testing, even for the bit

Sylvie: doesn’t cheapen your win

Jake: Debate club’s loss

Sylvie: Sure, I’ve got to find a niche 

Jake: Devil’s advocate

Jake: Proud of you for trying to break into such a male-dominated field

Sylvie: What other field would a real slut want to be in

Jake: Don’t, please

Sylvie: You’ve said it before

Jake: I can’t do this again

Sylvie: Talk, like a person?

Sylvie: You just did

Jake: Listen to you talk like that about yourself

Sylvie: It’s a joke

Jake: Nn [no explanation needed hehe]

Sylvie: Dac [for okay in a genuine way once more]

Jake: I’m relieved you’re back

Sylvie: Thanks

Sylvie: I’m relieved you weren’t in school to know, in hindsight

Jake: I don’t know what I would’ve done

Sylvie: I know that it would’ve been bad, if we’d been around each other

Sylvie: we both made sure that didn’t happen

Jake: If more bad stuff happened to you because of me

Sylvie: I was in bed the whole time; that wasn’t a lie

Sylvie: nothing at risk except my hygiene, promise

Jake: I appreciate the attempt at making the visual sound worse than it was

Sylvie: It was pretty bad

Sylvie: but I’m trying not to add to your guilt trip, so that’s as much info as you need

Jake: You still would’ve looked pretty to me

Sylvie: Nn, ouf [no, crazy]

Jake: Crazy beautiful

Jake: Even if you’d hacked off your fringe in a fit of rage

Sylvie: …

Jake: Did you?

Sylvie: I could be cruel, make you come and find out yourself

Sylvie: but you sounded too genuinely devastated, it’s still intact, and I won’t start sending you locks like ransom 

Jake: You asked how Mona put up with me for so long, with cruel and unusual punishments, devastating would be for you to follow her lead

Sylvie: She could use a fringe

Sylvie: or maybe the hiding draws more attention to it… not the point, her crazy likewise still stands

Jake: My crazy’s fallen to the floor at the idea of a lock of your hair

Jake: Like a baby’s keepsake 

Sylvie: I didn’t mean it, when I said you had to give everything back

Sylvie: I’d like you to keep them

Jake: Really?

Sylvie: If they’ve already been trashed, don’t tell me

Jake: What if they’ve been treasured?

Sylvie: Then a lock of my hair couldn’t hurt

Jake: [telling her how insanely small to make the cut as if it will hurt her, giving only a drop of blood energy]

Sylvie: But it definitely has to be from my fringe for you, or it doesn’t count 

Jake: Of course

Sylvie: I’ll leave the envelope on the bench for you

Jake: [telling her an o clock to make the drop purely because we all remember when he was talking about and suggesting times when they could go there and be alone, and it’s the same time being said] 

Sylvie: 🕐🕐🕐

Jake: [telling her he’ll pick it up however many minutes after that would mean she’s halfway home again]

Sylvie: Better than I expected

Sylvie: and I doubt anyone will get to it before you, unless they think it’s drugs

Jake: What were you expecting, another 8 days of anticipation?

Sylvie: [the number of minutes it would take for her to be home]

Sylvie: and anticipation is not the right word at all, hate to police you again, but

Jake: I know but I was trying to put a vaguely positive spin on it for you 

Sylvie: You’re retroactively romanticising it for me

Sylvie: but that’s the opposite of your goal, you should want it to be as awful as possible

Jake: My goal isn’t to make you miserable, I want you to be happy

Sylvie: That’s nothing to do with you

Jake: Nothing?

Sylvie: How could it be?

Jake: My gesture would be, you weren’t so stubborn

Sylvie: You are delusional if you think I’m going to thank you for this

Jake: Applause was the old me

Sylvie: What does the new you like then?

Jake: Besides your fringe and [this emo band lol]?

Sylvie: If that’s as far as you’ve got, I can’t judge 

Sylvie: my own 8 days were hardly productive 

Jake: I still like you, this isn’t about that

Sylvie: If liking me is irrelevant

Sylvie: then you don’t like me enough 

Jake: I like you too much to sit back and watch you stop liking me in real time

Sylvie: But why do you think that’s going to happen

Sylvie: how have you reached that conclusion 

Jake: I’m a different person

Jake: not new in the way we inspired each other to be before, against my will

Sylvie: In the ways that count, you’re still the same

Sylvie: and don’t try to bullshit me because I can hear it, feel it

Jake: You’re hearing what you want, feeling what you wish was true instead of what actually is

Sylvie: I know what I wanted, it wasn’t anything like this

Jake: A fraction of who I used to be doesn’t mean anything

Jake: I’m still unrecognizable 

Sylvie: You wouldn’t talk about anyone else the way you’re talking about yourself right now

Sylvie: it’s a real cancellable offence 

Jake: Cancel me then

Sylvie: Consider yourself cancelled

Sylvie: we’ll forgo the public shaming, you’re being talked about enough

Jake: Throwing fruit would be a waste, I’m not really in the mood

Sylvie: That’s the old you too, huh

Jake: I get it, I miss him too

Sylvie: Of course the new you can’t be fully humble either

Jake: I fully understand everything I’ve lost

Sylvie: Must be nice

Sylvie: some certainty, amongst all the fear

Jake: Nice is a strong word

Sylvie: No it’s not, it sucks

Sylvie: I haven’t said a single thing strong enough to have any impact this whole time

Jake: Is that what you think, you can talk me out of it?

Sylvie: Talk some sense into you

Sylvie: change how you’re talking, like everything in your life is so definite and final

Sylvie: I keep telling you I don’t mean when it comes to me, so don’t start

Jake: For a split second, I was honestly doubting my decision to shut you out

Jake: But you’ve got no idea what I’m dealing with here, none at all

Sylvie: Because this is what you want

Sylvie: and I can’t be present for it, actually

Jake: Cool, run away

Sylvie: Cool, wallow

Jake: When you spend 8 days wallowing, that’s chill

Jake: It’s chic

Sylvie: Yeah, it was so aesthetic of me

Jake: My life is authentically in the garbage, I don’t have a brave face and soldiering on smile to wear so that you feel like you’ve achieved something

Sylvie: How can you even think that?

Sylvie: Jesus, don’t tell me you liked me, ever, because you don’t even know me

Jake: Because you said it

Jake: You’re determined to talk me down or walk me back into my old shoes for a mile, like that’s the magic solution

Sylvie: No, I fucking didn’t

Sylvie: I’m done though, you got what you wanted

Jake: I got the message

Jake: x 2

Sylvie: I doubt that, you’re on another planet

Sylvie: but it is what it is, your life is over 

Jake: [ofc say something poetic af about the planets here that I simply cannot, it’s giving rogue planets aka lonely planets which don’t have a sunrise or sunset and aren’t tethered to a star and travel in solitary arcs around the core of the milky way, molten at the core but frozen at the surface, very emo, very grey]

Sylvie: You should offer to write lyrics for them, genuinely

Sylvie: better than [quote a lyric of this emo band because trying to listen because can’t focus on whatever lesson you’re in and you need to be distracted from your emotions somehow]

Jake: I’m done writing lyrics

Sylvie: You’re done with everything, I know

Sylvie: I’ll leave you to it

Jake: You take the job, front the band

Sylvie: I’m not committed to that being my new personality, tah

Jake: Nobody’s forcing you to toss out your old one

Sylvie: Right, no one but you is allowed to have an identity crisis 

Jake: I wish that’s the crisis I was having

Sylvie: I’ve already told you I’m not going to talk to you again

Sylvie: you don’t need to hammer it home any harder

Jake: And yet you’re replying

Jake: Making more digs and the holes deeper

Sylvie: Oh, trust me, I’m nowhere close to saying what I want to say

Jake: Go ahead

Jake: You didn’t hold back with the old me

Sylvie: You’re not him

Jake: Hopefully, you’re beginning to believe that

Sylvie: Yep

Sylvie: feel free to bask in it

Jake: Claiming this new me is cold-blooded is taking the emo aesthetics a bit far

Sylvie: I don’t subscribe to any anti-semetic conspiracy theories, wasn’t calling you a lizard person

Jake: Me and the other [ridiculously low number lol] Jews in the city will rest easy

Sylvie: I was never a cult leader

Sylvie: unlikely about to be my pivot

Jake: Neither was I, except in your unsolicited and incorrect opinion

Sylvie: Tell that to your lost little lambs

Jake: They’ll flock to someone else

Sylvie: My money’s on [his friend lmao]

Jake: Yours would be

Sylvie: What about you?

Jake: What about me

Sylvie: Who do you think will replace you?

Jake: Blc [I don’t give a shit]

Sylvie: [French] I know you do

Jake: You don’t know me, I don’t know you

Sylvie: You’re dreaming

Jake: In my dreams, we argue less

Sylvie: But you love arguing

Sylvie: this isn’t arguing, this is a dead-end

Jake: Awake, I haven’t got the energy 

Sylvie: Being conscious is overrated 

Sylvie: another song title

Jake: ⭐️

Sylvie: Rude, where are my other 2

Jake: Waiting to be earned

Sylvie: [putting the name of whatever drug she took with Bobby in brackets, like how could I forget] 

Jake: [make a Fall Out Boy-esque title out of the scenario]

Sylvie: Maybe I’ll finish the job and write the song

Jake: Send it to Bobby and break the ice

Sylvie: Don’t do that

Jake: You should talk to him

Sylvie: I said don’t

Jake: Fine, don’t

Sylvie: I don’t need you to set me up with someone

Sylvie: to try and get me off your back

Jake: I wasn’t volunteering to play Cupid

Jake: But probably ask yourself why you interpreted it as a romantic set-up as your first instinct

Sylvie: Because your motives remain the same

Jake: [replying with ‘because he must work out’ because never over her saying that lol lol]

Sylvie: That’s mature

Jake: I’ll go score some [the drug they took] get both my cool and struggle olympics points up

Sylvie: Maybe you should talk to him, work out how to be strong and silent

Jake: Or stick with weak crybaby, as it’s super flattering, in comparison and by itself

Sylvie: You do wanna be alone, good thinking 

Jake: Great minds

Jake: See you around

Sylvie: I wish I’d never seen you

Jake: This version’s a complete stranger, take comfort in that

Sylvie: I don’t

Sylvie: and until you can wipe my memory, I don’t forgive you, whoever the fuck you are

Jake: Your forgiveness wouldn’t do anything for me, whoever you are and whatever we were

Sylvie: You’ve made it abundantly clear you only have the energy to care about yourself

Sylvie: it’s fine, I’ll be fine

Jake: You don’t care about me, you care why I broke up with you

Sylvie: Yeah, because I know what that means, for you

Sylvie: once exams are done, I’ll go

Sylvie: I tried now but that wasn’t fair on Tess and Fearghal, they don’t deserve that

Jake: In a role-reversal, I would’ve come to the bench and stood in the rain and not taken no for a fucking answer

Jake: Like the pharmacy

Jake: Leaving is what you want, your default

Sylvie: There’s no winning, whatever I do or say, you wanted the opposite

Sylvie: maybe if you’d ever fucking meant what you said, then it wouldn’t be my fault for respecting your wishes on this

Jake: I barely had to push, you were halfway out the door already

Sylvie: This isn’t the first time you’ve called it all off

Sylvie: said disregard everything I just said and did, this is what I mean now, what I want

Jake: You leapt at the chance; that’s how secure our relationship was

Jake: I said your own words back to you, held a mirror up

Sylvie: We weren’t in a relationship

Sylvie: you never asked, but sure, you’d been forced to dump your actual girlfriend not [however long it actually was, not long] ago

Jake: I asked you to be my girlfriend, it was a loud no from you

Sylvie: Good thing I did

Sylvie: You would have to do a lot better job at breaking up with me 

Jake: And I doubt you’d have done any better at finding out what was wrong

Sylvie: Am I meant to push you further into your mental breakdown to get those details

Sylvie: because I’m not stupid, contrary to your idea of me, I have a pretty good idea without doing that

Jake: I’m stupid for thinking, just once, I wouldn’t have to chase you

Jake: Wouldn’t have to hold your hand through the worst thing that’s ever happened to me

Sylvie: I’m sorry, that I didn’t know how to do this

Sylvie: but you pushed me away, and now you’re mad that I’m on the ground

Jake: You didn’t even try to stay standing, but I’m the one who’s given up

Sylvie: On yourself

Jake: The construct collapsed

Sylvie: You think your life is over

Jake: It is

Sylvie: And you want me to convince you of the opposite

Jake: No, I want it not to be, but that’s impossible

Sylvie: You put me in the position where all I can be is patronising or ignorant 

Jake: I put you in the position where you don’t need to waste your time being either

Sylvie: Because that’s the truth

Sylvie: you don’t want me to stay and fight this

Jake: Why would I want your fake solutions to my real problem?

Sylvie: Why would you want to do anything but wait for the inevitable

Sylvie: what a question

Jake: My sister’s got it covered, fighting the inevitable with meditation, supplements and positive vibes, you’ll have to audition somewhere else

Sylvie: You’re wasting whatever time you have left, that was true before this and is only more true now

Sylvie: you can live it or you can wait

Jake: Your privilege is glaring, go live however you want

Sylvie: I will

Jake: 🚪🚪🚪

Jake: Don’t let them hit you on the way out

Sylvie: I hope you find the courage before being this scared becomes a permanent part of your personality 

Jake: I hope you never feel this scared only for someone’s advice to be snap out of it

Sylvie: You’re incapable of taking anything I say in the spirit it was meant

Sylvie: whatever

Jake: I wouldn’t ever tell you to do that

Sylvie: How dare I want you to live a life of quality despite this

Sylvie: yeah, what a horrible thing to wish for

Jake: It’s a messed up thing to hold over my head

Sylvie: Where am I doing that

Jake: Where’s there a despite this?

Sylvie: A nicer person might give you time to process before saying this shit, sure

Sylvie: someone who actually cares about you would point out it isn’t guaranteed

Jake: A full body cast isn’t guaranteed if I get hit by a car, that doesn’t mean I’m walking in traffic

Sylvie: I didn’t tell you to go play in traffic

Jake: Not yet

Sylvie: It’s hard for you to believe, for some reason

Sylvie: but all I want is for you to be happy

Jake: But when I say that I’m pimping you out

Sylvie: You can’t turn it back on me because you’re uncomfortable

Sylvie: this is the worst thing that ever happened to you, not me

Jake: Enough people are telling me what I can and can’t do without you joining in

Sylvie: Even when that’s whatever you want

Sylvie: alright, I hear you

Jake: Obviously, you should do as you’re told and fast-forward to hating me though

Jake: I’m not above using the ‘this is happening to me, do as I say, not as I do’ card as many times as necessary

Sylvie: I had noticed

Sylvie: Don’t you think I already hate you?

Jake: Nn [because no she don’t]

Sylvie: Fo [because do we mean it’s necessary or it’s wrong]

Jake: Do you need me to push you there?

Sylvie: Nn [because no thank you lol]

Jake: Because I will

Sylvie: Why?

Jake: To make your wish come true, and this easier from here on out

Sylvie: I don’t want to hate you

Jake: Stp [please, but HIS version, not hers, importantly]

Sylvie: ⛓️‍💥⛓️‍💥⛓️‍💥

Sylvie: If that’s what you want

Jake: It’s what I know

Jake: About breakups, anyway 

Sylvie: You’re the expert

Sylvie: And all I’m good fors leaving 

Jake: Art [for the double meaning of stop and her being amazing for art as a muse and because she is a piece of]

Sylvie: Why are you allowed to say it and not me

Jake: I don’t mean anything I say

Sylvie: Precisely, that means what you really want me to do is a secret third thing I have to work out myself 

Jake: If I was that calculated, I’d be able to work out a plan for myself

Sylvie: Yeah, you’re a mess

Sylvie: join the club

Jake: Matching jackets would be kinda insensitive, but according to you, far from the worst idea I’ve floated lately

Sylvie: As long as it’s a cool jacket, I’m down

Sylvie: and I can be more insensitive and say at least your excuse is valid and easy to understand

Sylvie: who wants to hear me get into the minutiae of my dysfunctional upbringing just to see why I have no plans and no clue

Jake: I only wear cool jackets

Sylvie: …

Jake: Hey!

Sylvie: Maybe your cool boy days are behind you too

Sylvie: how am I expected to keep up of what’s in and what’s out

Jake: I haven’t set fire to all my clothes, Mona beat me to that insane declaration

Jake: Figures, I’m probably the 13th breakdown this week

Sylvie: I suppose I should thank you for cutting me loose before asking me to do something that humiliating 

Jake: … [sassily as if he’s waiting for the thanks lol]

Sylvie: Aren’t you curious?

Jake: I’m not interested in a final power trip 

Sylvie: I didn’t say I’d do it

Jake: I didn’t ask

Sylvie: Be too much to ask, when I’m stuck in [whatever boring lesson]

Jake: [whenever she next has a lesson in or near the science classrooms with the bunsen burners], it’s a date

Sylvie: It sucks you can’t be here

Sylvie: I miss you

Jake: [writing his ‘I miss you’ in text speak because cannot bring himself to full French it when that’s so their thing but]

Sylvie: Wanna hear something crazy?

Jake: Oue [because never casual and it isn’t rn lol]

Sylvie: I started thinking that maybe you’d been kidnapped

Sylvie: that this was all an elaborate code I had to work out

Sylvie: and I spent an embarrassing amount of my 8 days trying to crack it, because that made more sense to me than the alternative 

Jake: You can’t drop a bombshell like that without offering to show me your work

Sylvie: Alright, Mr Cohen

Sylvie: never beating the nerd allegations, good to know

Sylvie: nn mdr? [no dying of laughing]

Jake: Scout’s honour

Sylvie: [show him, and I dread to think because you are (obviously) pulling all this from absolutely nowhere, but such is the level of delulu when this was not told to you face to face, and you wanna believe so badly that what’s happening isn’t]

Sylvie: I’m not showing you my attempts at drawing you from memory, around the time I started to freak out I was forgetting what your face looked like

Jake: [because you’re OBSESSED with that code nonsense, show her all the !! drawings you’ve done of her for the same reason, in sync 5ever soz not soz, it’s giving a small notebook filled (and the pages literally filled because they are blacked out blackout poem style) with individual artsy body parts (showing through said black like they’ve been SCRATCHED in, with RED, duh because red was the colour of his last social posts and her lipstick) that you’re quickly flipbook style revealing as a little video]

Sylvie: Jake

Sylvie: It looks like you’ve murdered me, or you’re planning to

Sylvie: [do send him yours because of course you’re going to show how in sync and unwell you both are]

Jake: Thoughts of you have been slowly killing me

Sylvie: I never want to hurt you

Sylvie: when I thought someone had, that they’d taken you…

Sylvie: it was bad, as well as just an insane thought to be thinking

Jake: I’m sorry you went through that

Sylvie: Don’t be, how could you foresee that

Jake: I wasn’t waiting for the benefit of hindsight to clue me into how much you’d struggle with my decision, cocky as that sounds

Jake: It was a majorly unforeseen change of heart, out of nowhere

Sylvie: Shaming as it is, yeah

Sylvie: I guess I would’ve seen it coming, too, in your position

Sylvie: I never meant to get attached to you

Jake: I should’ve handled everything differently

Jake: But I didn’t, and here we are

Sylvie: You were a little preoccupied 

Sylvie: but it wasn’t ever all that I cared about

Jake: Going back further too, I mean, the party, that night at [the venue], all of it

Sylvie: I know, but I don’t want to erase it all, even if you do

Sylvie: I know what I said, and yeah, I wouldn’t be in this state now, but

Jake: [make a more specific and profound eternal sunshine of the spotless mind ref than I’m capable of having not seen it for years, but I put in it your secret socials for a reason and I know you’ve watched it recently boy, how could you not, all things considered]

Sylvie: [likewise do because I’ve never seen it, but you, of course, have and can say whatever bit you think is most devastating] 

Jake: [tell her you’re thinking about dying your hair red because 1. The socials and lipstick ref 2. I have the content if I do want to and he be looking ill af and 3. In that film her hair colours represent different stages of their relationship and red is the honeymoon phase and the happiest days of said relationship, which she’ll know so]

Sylvie: Show me if you do

Sylvie: as long as your hair still curls, it’ll suit you

Jake: Unless I cut it short at the same time, the curl’s here to stay

Sylvie: Good

Sylvie: I’ve never properly dyed my hair, the blue was a wash-in-wash-out 

Jake: Maybe I’ll try that, in case I hate the red

Sylvie: You did cut my blue era very short, would’ve been awkward if that was permanent 

Sylvie: you never know what’s coming 

Jake: Talia, around the corner with her vegan and cruelty-free recommendations, because my life would be even less worth living if I accidentally chose a red insects died for

Sylvie: I bet she knows a henna that will barely show up at all in your dark hair

Jake: Cue her cultural appreciation vs appropriation rant first

Sylvie: Good on her if she can keep to her many principles at a time like this

Sylvie: much to your ears’ dismay

Jake: She and my mom will both cling to them tighter than ever

Sylvie: But you?

Jake: What good does it do?

Jake: Being ‘good’ people hasn’t protected us

Sylvie: Nope, and you’re probably not meant to be good for that reason to begin with

Sylvie: —-- more Karma

Jake: I didn’t know better, I’d assume you’ve been studying without me

Sylvie: I don’t want your sister to have to rant at me too

Sylvie: your religion is safe

Jake: She’d be stoked you were joining, she’s forever outnumbered

Sylvie: Do the girls get a ceremony of any kind on their 8th day?

Sylvie: Scalpels put aside, thank God

Jake: [tell her about the naming and welcoming ceremony girls get, which is not official like the boys but your mum would go as big for it, we know]

Sylvie: That’s cute

Sylvie: I didn’t pay any attention to her memories, so I wasn’t sure

Jake: [get any out that relate to this cute moment and show her because you’re at home so you can]

Sylvie: You could be twins, it’s crazy

Sylvie: I thought I looked like my mother

Jake: We get that a lot

Sylvie: She’s prettier, obviously

Jake: She’s newly single, but unfortunately off limits

Sylvie: Oh dear

Jake: Casualties are piling up

Sylvie: Did your mammy have a dating life for you to ruin?

Jake: Not that she shared with me

Sylvie: Was it too soon for that joke

Sylvie: I don’t know what I’m doing at all

Jake: Can it be classed as a joke if neither of us laughed?

Sylvie: Bad jokes exist

Jake: Dad jokes, which is an added risky move

Sylvie: Did you tell him sorry from me, too, or do I need to when I do my drop-off later

Jake: I figured you’d want to

Sylvie: Want is a bit strong

Sylvie: it’s very awkward, even if I don’t have to look him in the eyes

Jake: You don’t have to apologise 

Sylvie: I do

Jake: He can’t hear you

Sylvie: Maybe it’s just the principle of it, then

Sylvie: you did

Jake: And I sat there when I needed comfort the other day, it wasn’t my dad who ended up giving any, that was you

Sylvie: Did I?

Sylvie: I feel like I’ve only got it wrong the entire time

Jake: It felt right to me

Sylvie: Good

Sylvie: I want to be able to do that

Jake: You did, you’ve given me a ton of comfort

Sylvie: I’m sorry for pushing

Sylvie: when you just needed more comfort

Sylvie: I was thinking your family would be going easy on you, and you might need someone to be bad-cop, but I didn’t know that, and it’s not my place

Jake: It’s okay

Jake: I had no clue what I needed, I still don’t

Sylvie: Still need to get jackets

Jake: We’ll still see each other in [however many lessons they share, doing the math on how many lessons total they have left until they’ve done] classes

Sylvie: That puts it into perspective 

Jake: Yeah

Sylvie: It’s not long enough

Jake: It’s going to feel too long when we’re face-to-face 

Sylvie: Yeah

Sylvie: Can’t we just try being friends? 

Jake: I could use some who aren’t picturing me riding a tour instead of struggle bus

Sylvie: They weren’t all being total idiots

Sylvie: and I swear I didn’t feel smug for calling it like I saw it with the rest

Jake: Not even a little?

Sylvie: Snif [like no I am too sad/isn’t that devastating lol]

Jake: [doing his baby speak it only hurts a little that he’s done before, how French parents comfort hurt kids, like there there]

Sylvie: C pa 5pa [her turn to say hey!]

Jake: ???

Sylvie: VC, JC [you know, Jake Cohen]

Jake: Ri1 [cos he knows nothing he says]

Sylvie: X… [for believe or kiss, who can say]

Jake: 🫡🫡🫡

Sylvie: You were never meant to be the know-it-all anyway, that’s my gig

Jake: What’s my new gig?

Sylvie: That’s what we’ve got to work out

Sylvie: how to pivot from your struggles without writing a misery memoir 

Sylvie: or I can’t be your friend, I’m afraid

Jake: Or a misery musical

Sylvie: Even those are still fun

Sylvie: You’d fit right in in Les Mis already

Jake: My sketchy French accent might

Sylvie: I didn’t get to watch your plays

Jake: I’ll let you as a friend

Sylvie: Gracious

Sylvie: I’ll only tease you as a friend 

Jake: Dubious

Jake: You’ll be wowed like a fangirl 

Sylvie: I do not believe in the school’s budget, or [the drama teacher]’s script-writing prowess 

Sylvie: before we even touch on your abilities 

Jake: I rose above the limitations, that’s who I used to be

Sylvie: Still

Sylvie: I think I’ll be able to control myself, I promise, in fact

Jake: Swear on [something in the drama department she has to go and touch, a prop or whatever]

Sylvie: Challenge accepted

Sylvie: I’ve done precisely 0% of this worksheet anyhow, why not pay the theatre kids a visit, bear with 

Jake: [a 321 as a throwback to their film watching moment]

[punkscowardschampions]

Sylvie Gris Era School Outfit

[punkscowardschampions]

Sylke

Jake: [Okay, so just to say timeline wise, they went their separate ways post bj before his mum returned from work or whatever as discussed, and have had a normal day at school the next day, no alarm bells, he clearly still doesn’t feel great but he’s putting it down to the stress of the mobby situation and has been momentarily distracted by the high she’s given him, but then, after school, the first full blown seizure strikes, so I’m gonna say his mum is literally on shift when his sister calls an ambulance to take him to a&e, for peak drama]

Sylvie: [send him a picture of whatever takeout you’ve just ordered for your dinner]

Sylvie: Back to bad habits with no [what he made for her] leftovers

Jake: [obviously he’s not gonna reply for a long time while he’s literally in the hospital so feel free to leave some more messages here if you want]

Sylvie: You catching up on the homework? I probably should too

Sylvie: we’re good, aren’t we? 

Sylvie: Today was back to normal, didn’t see you much, but I didn’t see you glaring at me either

Jake: [such a long pause that she’s gonna think she’s been ghosted fr because they might keep him overnight considering this is his first ever seizure, so my research is saying, bare minimum is a good few hours, either way, she’s gonna be confused.com, if you’d like to send some more messages go ahead otherwise I’ll figure out how to come at you lol]

Sylvie: Whatever it is, hope you’re alright

Jake: My phone died while I was out

Jake: Family emergency

Jake: But it’s given me time to think, and you were right

Sylvie: Shit, what’s happened?

Jake: I’m not in a position to offer you anything; I’m sorry

Jake: I have been making promises I can’t keep

Sylvie: What, where has this come from?

Jake: The emergency stuff was a wake-up call 

Jake: This is too much for me right now

Sylvie: I’m not asking you for anything

Sylvie: and I didn’t mean to blow your phone up; it was just out of the blue to not be able to get a hold of you

Jake: I shouldn’t have asked you over

Sylvie: You don’t need to couch that realisation in with your family emergency

Sylvie: because that doesn’t make sense anyway, just be real 

Jake: In reality, you are just a rebound

Jake: That isn’t fair on you or cool of me 

Sylvie: Yeah, that’s what’s uncool

Jake: A permanent distraction isn’t what I need

Sylvie: You think you can talk your way back into being a good guy

Sylvie: that it’s not going to count because you didn’t take it all the way?

Jake: I don’t much want to talk to you, but I owe you that

Sylvie: I don’t care what you want

Sylvie: I’m asking you why you’re such a coward that you can’t follow through with what you were allegedly doing here

Jake: Backtracking is my thing

Jake: The difference is, I am following through for once

Jake: You can’t fix me, nothing we’ve done is helping, and I’ve been kidding myself

Sylvie: I wasn’t aware you needed fixing

Sylvie: and I don’t remember claiming I could or would

Jake: [send her the screenshots of y’alls previous convo when he said ‘you can fix me’ and she said ‘it’s only fair, you did the same to me yesterday’ because this convo pt 1 is what I’m going off first haha, I will use them all if I have to, we see you cutting it off dead there and not including the next extra ass thing you said, boy]

Sylvie: Okay, but that was hyperbole

Sylvie: at least not serious like you’re being now

Jake: We’ve both been hiding to avoid everything serious going on

Sylvie: That would make more sense if you hadn’t only just found out about that whole Mona thing

Jake: I’ve been pushing it away; I’ve got to start dealing

Sylvie: Dealing with your [however many months] relationship being over, no one is stopping you

Jake: You are

Sylvie: Where?

Jake: Anywhere I see you around

Jake: You’re a bad influence, for real

Jake: Since we met, I don’t recognise myself

Jake: I’m a walking red flag, we got kicked out of [the venue], I haven’t jammed with the band or hung with my friends in what feels like forever

Sylvie: When have I told you not to jam or see your friends

Jake: Everything else isn’t irrelevant, and pretending- that’s not beautiful; it’s toxic, letting someone bring out the worst in you

Sylvie: It’s called pillow talk; it was never real

Sylvie: and I didn’t tell you to say any of the shit you did, you did that all by yourself 

Jake: You didn’t stop me; you never do

Jake: I’m a cheat because of you, I’m losing my identity because of you

Jake: My moral compass is real, and it’s ended up so skewed

Sylvie: You’re a cheat because you wanted to

Sylvie: you can change your mind now; that doesn’t change the fact of it then

Jake: The fact is, this all comes at too high a cost, and I don’t want it

Jake: I wasn’t thinking straight then; I am now

Sylvie: You weren’t asked to pay

Sylvie: this is so affected, like your moral compass 

Jake: People who care about me ask me to be a good person; my religion, you claim to be super interested in, does too

Jake: Consistently, not only when I feel like jumping on the bandwagon for a cause

Sylvie: And how are you being a bad person?

Jake: I’ve used my Jewishness to flirt with you

Jake: Not to mention my dad’s bench, what I did there

Sylvie: And now you feel guilty

Jake: Yeah

Jake: Better late than never

Sylvie: Well, I’m sorry you feel like that now

Jake: I’m sorry for dragging you into my mess

Sylvie: You’re clearly not

Jake: Believe whatever brings you comfort

Jake: Because I can’t do that, be that, for you

Sylvie: I don’t need comforting

Sylvie: Your low opinion of me is just another mark against your pursuit of being a good person

Jake: Apply the blanket statement to whatever you need

Jake: None of what you’re looking for can come from me

Sylvie: That’s obvious

Sylvie: I’ve made it clear this rehearsed speech isn’t effective, so you’re just soothing yourself here

Jake: Okay

Jake: I guess we’re done

Sylvie: You guess?

Sylvie: You sounded pretty certain 

Jake: It’s a figure of speech

Jake: What, you’re policing my language word for word next? 

Sylvie: That’s your sort of craic

Sylvie: use whatever words you want to say a whole lot of nothing

Jake: I’m saying something you don’t want to hear; dismissing me won’t automatically invalidate my points

Sylvie: You’re regurgitating soundbites of what you think you’re meant to say and think

Sylvie: If your mam found out, and you talked and had a change of heart, then say that

Jake: I’ve mostly plagiarized and/or repeated valid concerns you’ve previously raised

Jake: I’m agreeing with you, my mother isn’t involved, she’s been busy

Sylvie: How’s not being a walking red flag going for you

Sylvie: Jesus Christ, that’s low

Jake: I don’t know yet; too early to tell

Sylvie: What, you thought I couldn’t talk back if you used my own words against me, on some technicality 

Sylvie: they aren’t even your points 

Jake: You aren’t silenced; you’re entitled to counter with your own

Sylvie: Why would I

Sylvie: this isn’t up for debate

Jake: In your own words, we’ve been using each other, since I’ve finally caught up and had the same realisation, that isn’t up for debate either

Jake: Why would you be cool with us continuing to?

Sylvie: I don’t have the hang-ups you do

Jake: You’ve had the freakout before, or I wouldn’t have it in writing to echo

Sylvie: So when I do it, it’s a freakout, but I’m meant to believe that coming from you now, it’s a rational seeing-the-light moment

Sylvie: sure

Jake: If yours were from a rational place, you wouldn’t have been easily dissuaded, doesn’t mean your fears aren’t well-founded 

Sylvie: What it means is you’ve just talked yourself into being a manipulator who lied to get sexual favours

Jake: You wanted an honest conversation

Jake: You loved bringing out the worst in me until you’re no longer benefiting

Sylvie: I never benefited

Sylvie: and how can I bring it out in you? When I’m the one you did it to

Sylvie: or are you victim-blaming

Jake: Suddenly you’re a victim

Sylvie: Yeah, suddenly I am

Sylvie: that’s what happens when you flip the script

Sylvie: and that’s all from your mouth

Jake: What happens when you take [drugs] and blackout in a stranger’s bed?

Sylvie: You’ve been waiting to say that one

Jake: What happened between us put you in that messed up position

Jake: We’re gross around each other; it’s ugly

Sylvie: You’re clearly devastated 

Sylvie: go back to pretending you’re anything but to everyone else, the mask slipped here, there’s no convincing 

Jake: No one else matters, that hasn’t changed

Sylvie: No one but you

Jake: I can’t give you what you want or need

Jake: The bubble’s burst, the fantasy’s over

Sylvie: Write a song about it

Sylvie: flatter yourself some more, I don’t need telling 

Jake: I’ve told you what I set out to

Sylvie: This is a pathetic way to get kicks

Jake: This sucks

Sylvie: Yeah, well, I’m sure you hoped I’d cry or beg

Sylvie: sorry

Jake: I hope you’re happy, eventually

Jake: When you’ve got some distance from and perspective on what went down

Sylvie: No, you don’t

Sylvie: and you lost all privilege to lie to me; you’ve got the rest of the world to do it to, have at it

Jake: No lie

Jake: I’m walking away because you deserve more

Sylvie: No, you’re not

Sylvie: it’s for whatever stupid, selfish reason you’re dancing around

Jake: We’ll never work

Jake: Stupid is thinking we might, me risking arrest for indecent exposure outside your grandparents' pub, being within an inch of getting banned from the pharmacy, missing school, treating other people like pawns in a game we’re playing virtually back-to-back

Jake: There’s a whole list of personal reasons

Sylvie: Go back to treating people like an unquestionably loyal echo chamber; that’s much healthier

Sylvie: and easier

Jake: Sure, that’s my priority

Sylvie: Clearly

Sylvie: but it’s not my concern now you’ve finished the game you were playing with me

Jake: You could’ve been assaulted, you don’t even remember

Jake: Thanks to me, how out of control I was

Sylvie: I remember what you did

Sylvie: that doesn’t make it okay

Jake: Exactly, everything’s falling apart

Sylvie: It’s not falling apart

Sylvie: You manipulated me

Jake: I meant it in the moment; the moment’s gone

Sylvie: You didn’t mean any of it; you’ve said as much

Sylvie: you were using me

Jake: And vice versa 

Jake: But I can’t be why you showed up in Dublin, your dad’s career and new relationship prompted that

Sylvie: I never lied so you would sleep with me; that’s solely on you

Jake: Neither did I

Jake: I woke up to sleeping with you being a seriously bad idea

Sylvie: See

Sylvie: you think you can claw back some decency

Sylvie: like lying to get as far as you did isn’t enough

Jake: Getting my claws into you again is the literal opposite of what I’m trying to do

Sylvie: Not decency in my eyes, obviously

Sylvie: if that mattered, we wouldn’t be here

Jake: You don’t care where I am unless it’s in reach

Sylvie: Luckily for you

Jake: I’m out of luck

Sylvie: If you didn’t lie about your family emergency, I hope they’re okay

Sylvie: you don’t need to do this; it’s done, so go deal with that 

Jake: Goodbye, Sylvie

Sylvie: See you around

Jake: Fingers crossed our classroom contact’s the extent, obviously

Sylvie: There’s no reason to have any outside of that

Jake: Now [the name of the band he’s in with the friend that got set up with hers, subtle seeds being sown he isn’t planning to do music atm]’s on indefinite hiatus, thankfully not

Sylvie: Was that your idea?

Jake: We put it to a vote; majority rules

Sylvie: And what did you vote?

Jake: [his friend who he set up] has to capitalise on [his version of the song]’s buzz before the hype dies, go solo for future projects 

Sylvie: He wasn’t the one who got swarmed after

Jake: He was focused on [her friend]

Sylvie: And?

Jake: He’ll get swarmed for his new material; demos I’ve heard are pretty good

Sylvie: So it was his idea

Jake: If he’d voted no, we wouldn’t be talking about a majority decision

Sylvie: You’re so full of shit

Sylvie: it was clearly your idea; you aren’t nearly as convincing as you’d like to be

Jake: I floated taking a break in our group chat; I’m not denying I did

Jake: You shouldn’t need to be convinced why

Sylvie: Why would you, unless this thing is that bad 

Sylvie: your family thing, otherwise it makes no sense 

Jake: Bringing Mona up on stage to sing is what kicked our doomed relationship off

Jake: Writing your song sparked what happened between us

Sylvie: Newsflash, no one cares who your songs or performances are for

Sylvie: they could be for any girl

Jake: I care

Sylvie: That’s stupid

Sylvie: you should be capitalising on how many new songs you’ve written; they’re good

Jake: It’s another pipe dream, that’s all

Sylvie: With that attitude 

Jake: Find someone new to fangirl over

Jake: Or better yet, concentrate on your own music

Sylvie: You’re right about that; you wasting your potential is none of my business 

Jake: You’re not my manager 

Sylvie: Finish that sentence how you want to, coward

Jake: It’s already a complete sentence

Sylvie: You can’t even commit to a real argument 

Jake: What’s to fight for?

Jake: You were a mistake I kept making

Sylvie: No one’s asking you to fight for anything

Sylvie: except maybe for the case you’re not a total piece of shit, but you didn’t even want to give that a go

Jake: I don’t have the time, energy or funds for a full legal defense

Jake: And you never wanted to be friends, so

Sylvie: Why would I

Jake: I heard you out on [the date of their first convo]

Sylvie: Didn’t stop you

Jake: My first mistake, but who’s counting?

Sylvie: I was

Sylvie: but thanks for ruining that

Jake: Go ahead, the tally’s still high enough

Sylvie: You of all people should understand what it’s like to have firsts attached to someone you’d rather not remember 

Jake: I understand why we shouldn’t go any further

Jake: And you’ll be psyched we didn’t

Sylvie: I’m sorry, when I’ve been speaking, have you been hearing me begging you to fuck me instead?

Sylvie: There’s no question

Jake: We’re on the same page

Sylvie: I doubt you can even read at this point

Jake: I’ve dropped the book of you and lost my place, don’t worry

Sylvie: Get rid of my mother’s

Jake: I’m going to get rid of everything

Sylvie: No, you’ll drop my things off at my grandparents; they aren’t yours to throw away

Jake: Fine

Sylvie: It’ll fit through the door

Sylvie: I’m not trying to see you, don’t worry

Jake: You wouldn’t, I’d get one of my minions to do it- cult leader perks

Sylvie: I don’t plan on being in; it’s irrelevant 

Jake: Of course you don’t

Sylvie: What does that mean?

Jake: Your plans are none of my business, doesn’t make them unreadable, too

Sylvie: And you’ll be thrilled to not need to skip any more school to avoid me

Jake: Maybe I’ll follow your advice and do online school

Sylvie: And how would you be the centre of attention then

Jake: My talents weren’t ever academic 

Sylvie: You still enjoyed the limelight

Jake: The spotlight, when there’s a valid basis for it 

Sylvie: Point is, I highly doubt that

Jake: Doubt away, my mom meanwhile, will totally see the merits

Sylvie: She for sure has the time to make sure you’re working, yeah

Jake: I wasn’t alone in the epiphany, she’s making her own plans to work less 

Sylvie: That’s good…?

Jake: It is what it is

Sylvie: I’m sure you’ll figure it out

Jake: I don’t have a choice

Sylvie: Everyone has a choice

Sylvie: unless you’re me, obviously, I had to come here, unloved as I am

Jake: You’re not my therapist either

Jake: I’ll unpack my trauma in their office soon as I sign up

Sylvie: Probably a smart choice

Jake: First mark in that column in a while

Sylvie: So you’ve said

Jake: Probably my cue to leave

Sylvie: You ignored several more obvious

Jake: I know

Sylvie: Which is why I thought you might have something to say in your own defence 

Sylvie: anything

Jake: I wish I could tell you a bunch of stuff

Sylvie: Why can’t you?

Jake: We aren’t friends

Jake: We aren’t anything

Sylvie: So?

Jake: So what more can I say?

Sylvie: Hasn’t stopped you before

Jake: That was before

Jake: You were spot on when you said you barely know me

Sylvie: We haven’t known each other very long

Jake: Running away made sense

Sylvie: You would say that now

Jake: I could’ve admitted to having stronger feelings for her when you called me out, prevented these other missteps 

Sylvie: You didn’t, so it’s pointless discussing 

Jake: No going back

Sylvie: Live with your choices

Jake: Sorta person I am, like you said

Sylvie: You’ll be fine

Jake: You’ll be okay

Sylvie: Always

Jake: Tjs [to repeat her always, as the only bit of French thus far, because echoing her okay as something sincere vs fine as fake from the long ass pharmacy convo wasn’t feelsy enough, clearly]

Sylvie: I don’t believe you changed your mind for no good reason

Jake: I listed tons

Sylvie: You didn’t

Jake: I’m a wreck, you called that in the air too, remember?

Jake: You tried to stop us taking stuff any further, I didn’t listen

Sylvie: Going back isn’t going to make you less of one

Sylvie: it didn’t start with me

Jake: It doesn’t end with you; the least I can do is not trap you in the middle

Sylvie: Earlier, it was talk to me at all

Jake: I’m still committed to radio silence

Jake: If you’ve said your piece, and made your peace with our ending

Sylvie: Right

Jake: Nobody’s forcing you to wait until you’re 70 for a fresh start or blessings

Sylvie: It’s none of your business 

Jake: Trust me, I’m giving you a gift letting you go

Sylvie: You’re talking shit

Sylvie: is it making you feel better or

Jake: Not really

Jake: But I’m not doing it for me

Sylvie: Jake, you clearly are

Jake: If thinking that makes you feel better

Sylvie: Don’t act like you’ve done me a single favour, how about that

Jake: Do yourself a favour and let me fade out of your life like a bruise

Jake: Again

Sylvie: Shut up

Jake: The lie was we were crossing lines instead of going in circles

Sylvie: There wasn’t time for a full 360

Sylvie: and this from the boy who rinsed and repeated the same dull pattern with his ex for [however long], anyway

Jake: You’re meant to be different from my ex

Sylvie: Not the point

Jake: We’re no healthier; that’s mine

Sylvie: And that’s what you want

Jake: I want time on my own, thanks for asking

Sylvie: Yeah, I should really be prioritising you

Sylvie: you can’t have it both ways

Jake: I can’t be with you

Sylvie: I get it, thanks

Jake: Vdm [for his crappy life cos she doesn’t know the half of it but I’m not allowed to tell her]

Sylvie: There’s an adoring public out there to bore with your woes

Jake: I’m off to the bench, dead father to bore with my apologies somewhere there

Sylvie: It’s rude of you to guilt trip me about that

Sylvie: as if I could have planned that, or should have refused once we got there

Jake: I deliberately kept you in the dark; it isn’t your fault

Jake: or guilt trip

Sylvie: Maybe it’s insensitive, but fuck it at this point

Sylvie: your dead father doesn’t inhabit the bench, you know, like, he wasn’t truly present for what went down

Jake: Dead’s the giveaway

Jake: He inhabits the cemetery, but I’d properly tempt fate heading that way

Sylvie: What?

Jake: You weren’t present for the family emergency, but what else is that supposed to mean?

Sylvie: Oh my God, it was that bad

Sylvie: is everyone okay, which one of them is it

Jake: It’s not your problem

Sylvie: That doesn’t mean I can’t care; I’m not a psychopath 

Jake: I don’t want to talk about it

Sylvie: You don’t have to

Sylvie: I’m not fishing, for fuck’s sake

Jake: I’m not opening up, you just weren’t getting what I’ve been trying to say

Sylvie: Because this isn’t how you framed it, at all

Sylvie: you only just said anything that alludes to it being properly serious, like 

Jake: I told you it was a wake-up call

Sylvie: Yeah, I can reread it all now with context

Jake: Cool

Sylvie: You should go

Sylvie: it’s alright

Jake: Because you feel sorry for me

Sylvie: Because you have more important things to focus on

Jake: Been there, done that

Jake: After being at the hospital for [however long], we’ve been sent home, except shower off the smell and sleep off the drama, my to-do list’s crossed out

Sylvie: That’ll be a relief 

Sylvie: Night

Jake: Going to the bench will be a relief

Jake: Fixing what’s in my power to fix

Sylvie: Yeah, that too

Jake: Cleaning the plaque’s as close as I’m getting to wiping the slate clean

Sylvie: It’s something

Sylvie: and I think if you’re sorry, dead people already know

Sylvie: no point being dead if you don’t get a total understanding of everything with it

Jake: Knock on wood, I’m expecting and settling for nothing less when I die

Sylvie: It can’t be easy, being reminded of that time

Sylvie: hospitals suck at the best of times, even when you know it’s nothing that serious

Jake: No honorary soup recipe yet

Jake: But give my mom a few days to bounce back and you bet she’ll create one

Sylvie: I’m sure she will

Jake: Goodnight 

Sylvie: Don’t worry about me causing any problems

Jake: That isn’t why I accidentally let slip, for your sympathy

Sylvie: Whatever the reason, I’m not a dick, even if you are, right

Jake: Be angry if you are; this isn’t a reason to be nice to me

Sylvie: The point is, how I feel is not your problem

Jake: It’s my fault

Sylvie: No one is disputing that 

Sylvie: but you aren’t going to hear about it 

Sylvie: I haven’t told you how I feel this entire conversation

Jake: Stay in your comfort zone, slagging me off to [bar boy, like she did at the party lol]

Sylvie: This has fuck all to do with my comfort 

Sylvie: You think I want a drink right now? Or to talk to anyone?

Jake: I wouldn’t blame you, I’d kill for a drink

Sylvie: Luckily for you, we’re not the only bar in Dublin

Jake: [his drink of choice] alone on [whatever day this is] isn’t what the doctor ordered

Sylvie: Am I to believe that the doctor told you to make dramatic life changes like quitting your band

Sylvie: because it all seems a bit extreme

Jake: You refuse to believe me about anything

Sylvie: I’m not saying you should take anything back about me

Sylvie: but you have had a shock, that’s never the right time for a total life overhaul

Jake: Life’s short

Sylvie: Exactly

Sylvie: You love music, you love performing

Jake: I love my family

Sylvie: Obviously

Jake: The shockwaves hit all 3 of us, I don’t get to do whatever I feel like, be selfish, anymore 

Sylvie: Alright

Sylvie: you know your situation, I just had to say it, it wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t

Jake: …

Sylvie: What, you haven’t heard enough?

Jake: I haven’t got a ready-made reply

Jake: What do you want me to say?

Sylvie: Just that you’ll bear it in mind, even if you end up doing what you already plan to

Jake: Bear in mind that I loved music?

Sylvie: That putting your life on hold is just that

Sylvie: and as you said, it’s not guaranteed 

Jake: My life’s changed

Sylvie: You don’t have to have your new one figured out tonight

Sylvie: it will take time, from experience

Jake: You’re more gifted anyways, you take music

Sylvie: I think there’s enough to go ‘round

Sylvie: and don’t compliment me now

Jake: It’s a fact

Sylvie: Come on

Jake: I guarantee you

Sylvie: Sad dance music is certainly a niche

Jake: And generic love songs are an over-tapped market

Sylvie: For a reason

Jake: You can carve out something special, track by track

Sylvie: You’re not my manager either

Jake: I walked straight into that one, huh?

Sylvie: Mhmm

Sylvie: you still have minions who desperately crave your guidance 

Sylvie: you can sort their lives for them

Jake: I’m good

Jake: Guru isn’t my new niche

Sylvie: What is then

Jake: Million-dollar question 

Sylvie: I’m sure you’ll have better luck answering it than I have

Jake: I don’t know

Sylvie: I do

Jake: [saying ‘I’ll try, that’s all I can do’ which is directly lifted from their previous angsty argument breakup convo I’m on, after he answered Mona’s phone call]

Sylvie: You’ll always have a place here, even if it looks different, you still belong

Jake: Right, I’ve got places to be, thanks for the reminders

Sylvie: No, thank you, for reminding me I don’t

Jake: Unintentionally

Sylvie: Moving to a new town and school for the last year of school, living with people I don’t really know, all that wasn’t fun enough

Sylvie: you just had to fuck with my head too

Jake: I’m sorry

Jake: [‘I went too far’ to echo his ‘we went too far’] when he’s trying to break things off in the first part of their angsty her song inspiring convo]

Sylvie: It isn’t enough

Jake: It’s all there is

Sylvie: Then keep it

Sylvie: I’m done here

Jake: Keep anything you want and trash the rest

Jake: I will my distance, how we kinda planned last time

Sylvie: No, I’m going home

Sylvie: I’m not going through your things, I’m packing a bag and I have real things to sort

Jake: Your dad isn’t at home

Jake: And you have school tomorrow

Sylvie: I can miss school whilst I sort this out

Sylvie: it doesn’t matter

Jake: Don’t leave

Sylvie: I didn’t spill to guilt trip you

Sylvie: it’s not about you, the experiment failed 

Jake: It’s been [however long she’s been here], give it another shot

Sylvie: And by [the month, it’s usually May-July you finish up your last year, roughly], we’ll all be done, and everyone will move away for Uni

Sylvie: I don’t need to give it another shot; you have Dublin

Jake: Carrying on with my regularly scheduled life’s impossible

Sylvie: So you say, but that’s essentially what you want to do, from all you’ve said

Sylvie: right all your wrongs

Jake: I wish I could; that’s what I said

Sylvie: And as far as I’m concerned, the slate's wiped clean 

Sylvie: Good luck with the rest

Jake: Good luck returning to your hometown as though you never left

Sylvie: This was all one giant misstep

Sylvie: It may as well never have happened, carry on like it didn’t

Jake: If only

Jake: I have to stop, my hands are tied

Sylvie: You’re not in the graveyard yet

Jake: Forget it, forget me like I am

Sylvie: I know my role, what you want 

Jake: I’ve got even less control than when you first told me I couldn’t where my head is

Jake: I may be [wherever this bench is], but I’m lost

Sylvie: You just got the bad news today

Sylvie: you’re going to figure it out

Jake: It’s raining

Jake: Pack an umbrella

Sylvie: [French] Of course it is

Jake: See, proof somebody up there’s pissed at me

Sylvie: We’re not discussing religion, I was only faking an interest, famously

Jake: Take acting, you could become famous

Sylvie: What else is a nepo baby supposed to do with their life

Jake: [suggest other careers nepo babies have had, some hilarious, because if you can’t forget yourself for a second and be silly because you’re giving an honest answer for once, then what]

Sylvie: I’ll keep them in mind

Sylvie: assuming I don’t have to repeat this year

Jake: You’ll pass French with flying colours 

Sylvie: I’m serious, I don’t know if my old school will have me back

Jake: Then don’t go back

Sylvie: I can’t stay here

Sylvie: you’ve fucked up my life

Jake: I’d leave you alone; I’ll practically be a shut-in who doesn’t leave the house

Sylvie: No you won’t

Sylvie: and it’s my fault I hate it here, really

Sylvie: of course any relationships I make are surface level, no one needs a last minute mate 

Jake: I am

Jake: And [her friends] love having you as a last-minute addition to their group

Sylvie: Oh my God, stop

Sylvie: this is tragic, you cannot be the one trying to comfort me right now

Jake: Nn [because no shan’t haha]

Sylvie: I mean it

Sylvie: you’re not allowed to try and feel like a good guy, this is still too much your fault

Jake: You’re not allowed to let me ruin your life

Sylvie: There weren’t a whole lot to mess with

Jake: You’ve still got the whole of it in front of you

Jake: You’ve only been alive for [doing the maths, like she did with how long she’s existed before him] days

Sylvie: Don’t we all

Sylvie: and I’m not heading towards Trinity to study [what his dad taught/his sister does]

Sylvie: or fucking anywhere at all

Jake: Take Paris

Sylvie: No

Jake: It’s yours, it’s you, I want you to have it

Sylvie: You said you had nothing to give me

Sylvie: and you were making promises you couldn’t keep, so

Jake: I lied, that’s what I do

Sylvie: There’s no backtracking this time

Jake: Cross my heart, one last time

Sylvie: I don’t believe your one last times

Jake: Svp [her version of please, because always]

Sylvie: Jake

Sylvie: keske… [for that throwback to the beginning because the vibes are off and we know it]

Jake: [repeating her name back to her with … after because he’s so close to telling her everything in this moment, even though ofc I won’t let him] Sylvie: Cki? [who is this? Which means so many things here, like were you being fake before or are you being fake now, did I know you or did I really not, just here expressing so much nbd]

Jake: [catch him cinematically crying in the rain for a sec so he doesn’t answer for a minute ™ and she probably thinks he won’t]

Jake: C cpl [because understatement of the century, things are more complicated than ever, but also a nice throwback to their first convo]

Sylvie: Auj [today, because the way this really came out of nowhere, for him too]

Jake: Drs [because it means from now on, but looks like doctors so the double meaning simply must be done even if she won’t pick up on it as hard as it’s hitting my hormonal ass]

Sylvie: OKLM [calm down, but we truly mean it for once]

Jake: Tkt [don’t worry]

Sylvie: X… [like sure jan]

Jake: Moi [to make it believe me]

Sylvie: Cmt? [how?]

Jake: Com dab [as usual/always]

Sylvie: r1 mm tt 9 [made up, for ‘nothing same everything new’ because this isn’t usual]

Jake: JC [because they’re still his initials even if he doesn’t feel like himself anymore]

Sylvie: TC [for you know, because we’re still unsure, but that’s better than nothing]

Jake: Ri1 [because he feels like he knows nothing]

Jake: - [another sad af minus because less than that even]

Sylvie: 1posibl [impossible]

Jake: Ir [yesterday, because today it’s very possible sadly]

Sylvie: No going back, yeah

Jake: Take your own advice and empty your suitcase

Sylvie: You need to focus on yourself, take that time, like you said

Jake: Too late, you pulled focus talking about moving

Sylvie: Shut up, I did not

Sylvie: you already made it clear you think the worst of me, but give me a break

Jake: Did too

Sylvie: You’re using it as a distraction

Sylvie: ironically 

Jake: I’m under enough stress without worrying about you

Sylvie: You have no business worrying about me

Jake: You threatened to run away

Sylvie: It isn’t running away, I would tell my grandparents

Jake: It is, permanently 

Sylvie: It’s fixing what I can

Sylvie: a solution to one of your problems

Jake: I didn’t ask you to; I actually asked you not to

Sylvie: Because you feel guilty now

Jake: Because I’ll miss you

Sylvie: Nn [NAY NAY]

Jake: I need to know you’re doing okay

Jake: 12C4 [one of these days]

Sylvie: That isn’t going to happen

Jake: Fo [it has to, but also, false, double meanings ftw]

Sylvie: You better find someone else to live a vicariously happy and successful life through

Jake: Jms [never]

Sylvie: I’m not a project

Sylvie: what is this, what are you doing?

Jake: I care about you

Sylvie: You called me gross, and toxic and wrong and a red flag and that I make you worse

Jake: Our dynamic, us together

Sylvie: That’s the same thing to me

Jake: You aren’t defined by me

Sylvie: Don’t be patronising 

Jake: Don’t play dumb

Sylvie: I’m not, I’m telling you, that that’s how it felt

Jake: A personal attack is how I wanted it to feel

Sylvie: Well, mission accomplished

Jake: I didn’t realise the distance I was forcing might as well be the moon

Sylvie: It’s [however many miles it is between Belfast and here lol]

Jake: That isn’t [however far away they are from each other rn]

Sylvie: I’m trying to be understanding

Sylvie: with the crumbs of context I’ve been given

Jake: You don’t get it, go figure, neither do I

Sylvie: You’re in the dark

Jake: I’ve never been scared of the dark before

Jake: Until now

Sylvie: And you don’t know when you’ll get answers?

Jake: Depends on whether you’re talking about any or answers I want to hear

Sylvie: About the emergency

Jake: Which I’ve already blabbed way too much about

Sylvie: Trust me, I have no idea

Sylvie: beyond the basics, I’m not that obtuse 

Jake: Ditto

Jake: Info-dump overload is even less helpful, online and IRL

Sylvie: Dr Google

Jake: Uh-huh

Sylvie: There’s going to be good stuff out there, though, forums with other people

Sylvie: doctors just get mad because they had to study it all 

Jake: My mother’s a forum expert, every buddy she has is from them, besides work

Sylvie: She’ll hook you up then

Jake: She’ll be in her element

Sylvie: I’m sure not every forum is full of overly concerned mothers

Sylvie: if you’re looking for a different perspective 

Jake: I need a minute in the rain

Jake: Washing the looping background noise into something cleaner

Sylvie: 🤐😶🤫📴📵🔇🔕

Sylvie: You’ve got nowhere else to be or anything else you can do right now; take it

Jake: 🚑🚑🚑

Jake: I hate that you’re louder, the loudest siren in my head 

Sylvie: You’d rather an 🚑

Sylvie: which is why I have to hate it now too

Jake: I’d rather no alarm bells rang at all

Sylvie: I told you, I’m not running away

Sylvie: mind your business about it, alright, worry about yourself

Jake: That’s not the only reason you’re on my mind

Sylvie: It’s the only one that’s relevant now

Jake: I guess so

Sylvie: Stop guessing

Sylvie: you’re the one that’s making the rules of how it’s gonna be going forward

Jake: They aren’t my rules; I didn’t choose this

Sylvie: You could do this differently

Sylvie: even if your hand is being forced or you’ve been dealt a shitty one

Jake: I don’t see how

Sylvie: And I don’t see anything

Sylvie: I can only keep up as much as you want me to

Jake: I’d keep spreading the shit around, reaching out

Jake: Touching you

Sylvie: So you’re protecting me

Jake: I’m protecting what we had

Jake: It was perfect as it was

Sylvie: And you get full say over it

Jake: When the panic’s over, the dust won’t settle differently on my say 

Sylvie: That’s that then

Sylvie: Us, done

Jake: We’ll always have Paris, as the iconic line goes

Sylvie: You tried to make me take it, and music

Sylvie: like you were writing a fucking will

Jake: They’re all yours

Jake: But symbolically, same as in the film, what will endure will endure

Sylvie: It’s a little heavy-handed

Sylvie: Maybe it was better when you were telling me you can’t stand me in plain English

Jake: I’m heavy-hearted

Jake: And I didn’t say that

Sylvie: This hasn’t lightened the load, even a little?

Jake: Nn [because no lol]

Sylvie: [French] Then it was a waste

Jake: Maybe

Sylvie: It isn’t fair

Sylvie: half of our time together, at least, was spent wasting it

Jake: We can’t undo it

Sylvie: Erase everything

Jake: [dramatically delete your socials entirely because you’re feeling dramatic, even though you know that wasn’t what she meant, because we all know he isn’t gonna erase any sylke content ever soz not soz, even if he says he will]

Sylvie: I wasn’t going to stalk you

Jake: I was mostly inactive besides music

Jake: It’s no big deal

Sylvie: I’ll follow [his friend she danced with] for updates, it’s fine

Jake: I’m surprised you don’t already

Sylvie: I have an image to maintain

Jake: X… [because sure Jan, he will be salty and jealous and petty about this boy 5ever despite worrying he’s got a literal foot in the grave and pushing her towards finding someone else, oh Jacob never change]

Sylvie: Still don’t like your friends, remember

Jake: Your Oscar-winning performance was a one-off

Sylvie: Acting is still your thing

Jake: Here’s hoping

Sylvie: I can try

Sylvie: but I make no promises to be convincing

Jake: Unless we’re tossing them directly onto the pile of broken ones, me neither

Sylvie: Not the kind of memento either of us wants to hold onto

Jake: Ideally, but our ideal is far from where we are

Sylvie: I should’ve been angrier, not forgiven you so easily

Jake: You can try; I know I’ll never be forgiven this time

Sylvie: It’s irrelevant now, you’ve formed your opinion on me from those times

Sylvie: from everything that happened

Jake: I formed my high opinion of you the second we met

Jake: At first sight

Sylvie: Hate to think how you’d be treating me if you had a low opinion then

Jake: I’d ghost you

Sylvie: Point scoring at a time like this

Jake: We skipped my trophies and medals; even I’d struggle to earn one for holding up my own head or waving goodbye to my foreskin

Sylvie: The house tour isn’t the only thing cut short now

Sylvie: unless you plan on walking me through as a not friend

Jake: I don’t plan on walking anywhere you did if my feet can help it- ballet perks

Sylvie: but I shouldn’t skip town…

Jake: I’m famously a hypocrite 

Sylvie: Or you don’t mind making your world smaller 

Jake: Or it’s shrinking, like it or not

Sylvie: All I can see from here is you making choices

Sylvie: whether they feel like it or not to you

Jake: Your turn

Jake: Whether you choose to follow [his friend] or drink with [bar boy] or whatever and whoever else

Sylvie: Don’t try to wingman me, ever

Jake: I’d rather die

Sylvie: Then don’t, the last thing I want to do is talk to another guy

Jake: You don’t know how you’ll feel in the future, or how immediate that future is

Sylvie: You can’t help but betray how much of a slut you think I am

Jake: I couldn’t predict you, our connection was out of the blue, that’s all I’m thinking

Sylvie: That’s not a thing that’s going to happen with any and every guy I want it to

Jake: Of course not

Sylvie: I had tried to date before now, you know

Jake: I don’t want to know

Sylvie: Oh I’m sorry, talk about your ex some more

Jake: I haven’t

Sylvie: She was brought up in this conversation

Sylvie: I don’t need a crystal ball to predict that reunion 

Jake: By you

Sylvie: No, by you

Sylvie: you should’ve admitted your feelings for her were stronger, peppered in amongst all the insults aimed at me

Jake: Yeah, I should’ve lied then, and we wouldn’t be here now

Sylvie: Lie to me

Jake: I am, by omission 

Sylvie: I hate it

Jake: Hate me

Sylvie: No

Jake: Oue [because never casual and she simply must I fear]

Sylvie: You can’t make me

Jake: Don’t make me try harder

Sylvie: You don’t have the time

Sylvie: and it’s a taste of your own medicine, I meet your nonsense with neverending empathy and patience 

Jake: I hate that we aren’t meeting in the rain

Jake: What I wouldn’t give 

Sylvie: The only reason we aren’t is that you believe we can’t

Jake: If we couldn’t see each other the morning after the party, we’ve got zero chance today

Sylvie: You’re leaving out the part where we did see each other that day

Sylvie: and we saw each other at that party, despite everything

Jake: Because I lack self-control, but I need to find some 

Sylvie: What are you going to do with it

Sylvie: all this self-control 

Jake: Give you space

Sylvie: Well, don’t

Sylvie: find a better use for it

Jake: That’s the best use

Sylvie: I don’t want space

Sylvie: you know that, so find a better excuse for why you do at least

Jake: Respect that I do; I’ve told you why

Sylvie: I have, I’m not there at the bench

Sylvie: stop telling me, and yourself, that you’re doing it for me, it’s that simple

Sylvie: you’re doing what you think is best for me, not what I want

Jake: Stop fighting the inevitable 

Jake: This isn’t a revolution

Sylvie: What is it then

Sylvie: put me in my place, go ahead

Jake: A surrender

Sylvie: We were a surrender, to everything we felt

Sylvie: this is laying down and dying

Jake: Past tense

Sylvie: You’ve made that very clear

Jake: Clear would’ve been ending my first attempt to break things off at c tchaot [the it’s goodbye, again OUCH]

Sylvie: Putting me in the past like you’re pinning me to a gallery wall

Sylvie: because that’s safe, nostalgia won’t let you down

Jake: I did that and won’t ever be able to look at our gallery walls the same

Jake: Why do you think I’m not inside with my family?

Sylvie: Because you can’t be, because you’re freaking out about what happened today

Sylvie: it’s not me

Jake: You’re everywhere, you’re in everything

Sylvie: You

Sylvie: You’re embedded in my brain

Jake: I’ve forgotten how to breathe, every technique

Sylvie: Put your head between your legs

Sylvie: try, or I’ll message your sister to come get you

Jake: She’s been traumatised enough

Sylvie: There’s your incentive

Jake: Okay, for Talia

Sylvie: [talk him through a breathing exercise like he did for you, could’ve found it and copy and pasted it but the slight differences show that this is just from memory]

Jake: Thanks

Sylvie: I’m sorry

Sylvie: I don’t know what I’m doing

Jake: [French ditto which is how we know that thanks was more heartfelt than it sounds and he’s even more of a wreck than is coming across]

Sylvie: p2pb [no problem]

Jake: [changing the pleasure’s all mine which has been said in French by them both before I feel, to the problem is all mine]

Sylvie: I’ll let you have a bigger split of the %

Sylvie: but all?

Jake: [not him writing 95% for 95 days, I wanna scream cry throw up *soz his bday changed and it’s not 98 anymore]

Sylvie: How can 5% take over my life like this

Jake: [offer her 8% for the 8th day circumcision of it all]

Sylvie: You’re bad at negotiations

Sylvie: and your award shelf would have me thinking you were good at everything

Jake: Usually

Jake: These are unusual circumstances; cut me some slack, no pun intended

Sylvie: Stop talking about your circumcised penis whilst breaking up with me, it’s rude

Jake: It’s ruder to get me to assume such a compromising position when I’m trying to break up with you

Sylvie: You need a rib removed to do that, or circus freak skills

Jake: My circus school summers didn’t teach me that specific skill

Jake: Awkward if I was in the hospital having a rib removed earlier though

Sylvie: I don’t think they’d let you go in an ambulance

Sylvie: I wish that’s why you were there

Jake: Pretend that’s why I’m breaking up with you

Sylvie: I was already feeling the insecurity, don’t worry

Jake: It’s not you

Sylvie: I can just do it better myself, yeah yeah

Sylvie: you’ve told me what it is, sort of

Jake: I’m who’s insecure 

Sylvie: It’s alright, who am I for you to trust me

Jake: The trauma dump wouldn’t be fair

Jake: I’ve maxed out my goodwill on the ex and dead dad 

Sylvie: Totally

Sylvie: was only in it for one thing

Jake: You were in it for someone who doesn’t exist after today, isn’t allowed to

Sylvie: You’re going to be brand new

Sylvie: nothing residual

Jake: 0 —-- to romanticise 

Jake: I won’t be performing or going to Paris

Sylvie: For fuck’s sake

Sylvie: you didn’t get me, at any point during this, clearly

Jake: I get how soon the spark will go out, when I’m just empty, in the least sexy way possible

Sylvie: The only way you’ll be empty is if you let yourself, you don’t fight

Jake: I’m fighting constant uncertainty, anger, injustice

Jake: Exhaustion, misery, call it what you want

Sylvie: You’re tired

Jake: Don’t patronize me

Jake: The hardest, lamest parts of my parents’ relationship aren’t what I’m looking to emulate, fading into wisps of smoke when we used to ignite each other into blazing flames

Sylvie: I’m not patronising you

Sylvie: I’m sorry I didn’t have the exact right thing prepared to say, that I’m shit at this

Jake: You didn’t know what you were saying when you agreed to stolen glimpses, when those and the dark were both hypothetical 

Sylvie: All we have ever been and had is stolen moments 

Sylvie: and I could still find you in the darkest room, in a crowd of people who claim to know you better 

Jake: Going forward, they weren’t going to be, we had dreams 

Sylvie: Yeah

Sylvie: maybe if this was the first time you’d changed your mind, it would hit different

Jake: It’ll hit different because it’s final

Sylvie: Sure

Sylvie: whatever you say, Cohen

Jake: [don’t say anything because you’ve run out of stuff you can]

Sylvie: You’ve decided I’ve said my piece, aye?

Jake: I’ve said mine

Sylvie: That is all that matters

Sylvie: Go on, you’re free to leave

Jake: And you’re free to keep writing until the word count hits [doubling the word count he already doubled in whatever convo of y’all’s that was] if you want

Sylvie: It wouldn’t change anything

Sylvie: and I’d be giving everything to your nothing, so, nah, I’m alright, thanks

Jake: Knowing when to stop matters too

Jake: Saving my breath so there’s some for the walk home

Sylvie: It’s stopped raining

Jake: I hadn’t noticed

Sylvie: Maybe it’s just raining over you and the bench now

Jake: Apt, from walking red flag to walking rain cloud

Sylvie: You didn’t want me feeling sorry for you

Jake: [since we’re using the weather as a plot device, use the French phrase/idiom which is literally to attract someone’s lightning because what he wanted was for her to get angry and condemn him cos that’s what he feels like this sick kid era is, sickeningly close to love at first sight btw, which is a lightning strike metaphor in French also, I’m being evil] 

Sylvie: Because I have nothing but time and energy to waste 

Jake: It’s only a waste if you believe my mind’s made up and you don’t

Sylvie: You’ve as good as said you basically don’t know which way is up right now

Sylvie: if you were trying to make any bigger decisions, you’d be told to stop

Jake: The world doesn’t stop even after throwing the worst it’s got at you

Sylvie: It stopping is the worst it’s got

Sylvie: ‘til then

Jake: But if our worlds both ended at identical times, at least we’d be together

Sylvie: Is that what you want?

Jake: I don’t want you to relate to how I feel, the day and news I’ve had, no

Sylvie: You’ve assumed I couldn’t possibly

Jake: I don’t want you to share the burden with me

Sylvie: You’re letting your mother and sister though, right?

Jake: They can’t opt out

Sylvie: I’m just checking you’re not trying to go it alone

Sylvie: I do know how that feels

Jake: I know you do

Sylvie: Well, my world here has ended, if that’s any consolation 

Jake: Ok1 [for none/not one because it truly isn’t, he hates this]

Sylvie: CLV [c’est la vie baby]

Jake: I’ll leave you to it, your life

Sylvie: Oue [because YEAH that’s the problem lmao]

Jake: A+ [because he will see her later, at school if nowhere else, eventually]

Sylvie: [and you will, because she will have to come back for mcvickers’ sake because doesn’t want them to feel like this is their fault when she does go home (which is a fair assumption because they don’t know all this drama lol) so even if you both have some time off here, that’ll be when you first see each other again, then we can make y’all run into each other as much as we like]

Jake: [poor mcvickers thinking they’ve done a bad parenting job yet again]

Sylvie: [i mean lads you did flop tremendously, which really shows Sylvie’s dad is not on the ball to be like yes, you can go there lol]

Jake: [mhmmm it shows how little he knows them or the fam lore which is the point]

[punkscowardschampions]

[punkscowardschampions]

[punkscowardschampions]

Sylke pt.2

Sylvie: [of course show him, because you need to see it and be reminded yourself that that really happened and he did that]

Sylvie: I haven’t forgotten I owe you a piercing either, by the way

Jake: [send her a pic of where said earring is going to go to let her know that you’re so obsessed by the idea and you’ve been messing with your earlobe so much in the times of stress last night when you were zoned out that it’s literally bruised or scratched, if not both, defs marked in some way, just by his constant !! is the point]

Sylvie: You’re not allowed to take it out

Sylvie: and I don’t just mean [the healing time]

Jake: [French] You meant ever

Sylvie: [French] Swear

Jake: When I bleed during it, that blood’s an oath 

Sylvie: Just a tiny bit, I promise

Jake: Promise to kiss me better

Jake: [French] Anywhere I need

Sylvie: Everywhere

Sylvie: and I’ll make a kiss print with your blood that you can keep

Jake: [telling her she can have a drop of his blood to keep and wear as a necklace, Angelina Jolie style, along with the pearl he already gave her, very casual]

Sylvie: Stp [please, his version]

Sylvie: +++++++++++ [just so we’re clear lol]

Jake: 🩸 [just one like a X hehe]

Sylvie: [French] I’ll bleed for you too

Jake: You love matching

Sylvie: Yes, but tell me it will only hurt for a second

Jake: [French] It won’t hurt at all, I won’t let it

Sylvie: 🩸 [also just one to be like I don’t mind if it does a bit]

Jake: My brave girl

Sylvie: I should be the one talking to turn you on

Jake: Vazi [because always a go on then, sassy playful energy, like lol okay go ahead, because she has been and he is]

Sylvie: No pressure

Sylvie: I can’t help that you’re just so good at being my daddy; it’s very distracting

Jake: You don’t need to speak to be distracting

Jake: When we weren’t, I wasn’t thinking of you less than I do when we’ve been awake talking

Sylvie: It should be concerning, just how much time and space you take up in my brain

Sylvie: like, I really struggle to concentrate on anything or anyone else now, and it’s been like this for a while

Jake: Unrequited would be, lucky we’re in this together 

Sylvie: ☘️☘️🍀

Jake: Luckier soon

Jake: T ou? [where are you? Because beyond impatient to be reunited baby, and he’s gotta let her know even though he knows she’s nearby cos she already said so]

Sylvie: What would you do if I stopped replying now?

Jake: 💧 [for a manly single tear lol, I love that it’s kinda ambiguous though, could be saucy like I’ll deal with my horniness myself haha]

Sylvie: Your luck really is in

Sylvie: I couldn’t turn back now if I tried; I want it too bad

Jake: I’ll make sure you don’t have any regrets

Sylvie: I’ve not got cold feet

Jake: [French] I can feel how hot you are from here

Sylvie: [French] Getting warmer…

Sylvie: [and sending him a picture to show how close you are on your walk]

Jake: [also in French ‘you’re so close’ written the way which has saucy connotations not the geographical one]

Sylvie: Toujours 

Jake: Moi aussi

Sylvie: I was never this way, this bad

Sylvie: I know that might be hard to believe 

Sylvie: [calling him ‘my revelation’ in French and in the way of your terms of endearment]

Jake: Neither was I, which sounds like I’m agreeing with you to flirt, but for real

Jake: Honest to God

Sylvie: I don’t have to admit I believe you under questioning or anything

Sylvie: I know how it sounds, but this is just between us

Jake: I’m desperate to see you, I can’t help it

Sylvie: I kept waiting to catch a glimpse of you, in the yard, or in the corridors

Sylvie: when you’re in school, it’s like I can locate you instinctively, just like that

Jake: I swear the pearl I gave you doesn’t have a tracker inside, that’s just how it feels

Sylvie: I would wear it just the same, let’s be honest

Jake: [French] From the second I first touched you, I could feel you all the time

Jake: And I’ve been wearing that on my sleeve ever since

Sylvie: It doesn’t feel cocky to say I know, not about this

Sylvie: because it means I felt it too, it’s just undeniable 

Jake: You skipping out on [the hang she did that started all this], undeniably crushed me, there was no hiding my mood falling to the lowest the majority of the group had witnessed in our friendships to date

Sylvie: What excuse did you give them?

Jake: Blood sugar crash? Veganism is a ready-made excuse for that kinda stuff 

Sylvie: I should’ve gone with that; then you wouldn’t have been so mad at me

Sylvie: [French] I knew then

Jake: [also in French, ‘I wasn’t mad, I was disappointed’ to sound like a daddy but it’s also just true tea lol]

Sylvie: You rewired my whole brain either way

Sylvie: I needed to see you again immediately; being at home felt so ridiculous, the fact I’d turned down an opportunity to see you

Jake: I get it, my heart beats differently 

Jake: Like, extra hard to pick up any yours skips

Sylvie: You’re just that kind of parent

Sylvie: but I’ll take care of you too, make sure you keep time

Jake: My dad’s watch got buried with him; I guess that means you owe me one come Father’s Day or my birthday 

Sylvie: Which is first?

Jake: [whichever is, depending when this is set, or Christmas if that is, as another option lol]

Sylvie: I promise not to double up on the one gift

Sylvie: so unfair 

Jake: [in French, because it’s always more extra, ‘you’re the gift that keeps on giving’ because it’s either like, the gift that lasts all year, or like, an inexhaustible gift, which is fitting for how y’all are constantly feral, and we know she’s about to be lol]

Sylvie: I’ve got to make sure everyone else is a disappointment to you, future children included

Jake: What if they’re yours?

Sylvie: [French] You can’t just say that

Jake: [French] I’m not just saying it

Sylvie: Asking, smartarse

Jake: Well…? Answer the question

Sylvie: I didn’t say I’d be your girlfriend, so you’re going to ask increasingly more unhinged things to make that seem more chill

Sylvie: I see the vision

Jake: You didn’t say you’d be my girlfriend yet; you’re going to change your mind

Sylvie: [French] What if I did?

Jake: You’ll find out when you do

Sylvie: Can’t you read my mind

Jake: I can’t read your lips, that’d trigger you

Sylvie: Me?

Jake: [French] Us

Sylvie: Unless you’ve come around, and you wanna thank him for giving you an excuse to dump your ex

Jake: You’re planning to get me in that good of a mood, huh?

Sylvie: It’s a little late in the day to act like I can’t get you to forget she exists 

Jake: Or convince anyone, myself included, it wasn’t a dream come true when we were the last two standing

Jake: Be my Eve; there’s no original sin in Judaism; instead there’s only free will 

Sylvie: You’re doing such a good job converting me…

Sylvie: someone should be paying you

Jake: [tell her more about how Jewish people believe that eating the forbidden fruit wasn’t a fall from grace but a necessary step for humanity in terms of going from purely acting on instinct to gaining free will and the ability to distinguish between right and wrong and therefore choose to do good, have a nerd out in the hottest way, I only know the basics of what google ai is telling me, but we love that for you]

Sylvie: Could I be Jewish?

Sylvie: It’s my turn to ask insane questions… like I know anyone can believe anything, but it really feels like being born into it is more important in Judaism than in a lot of religions

Jake: Of course you could, I’d help you study

Jake: [and obvs tell her more about converting which is pretty chill these days, from what I can gather you’ve gotta get a sponsoring rabbi, do loads of studying, attend services and get involved in the community then take a test and they give you a certificate if you pass, and it generally takes like a year to 18 months, but obvs that varies, assumedly she’d be reform cos that’s the most chill one where you believe what you want basically, which is what his fam are giving because it’s all about personal autonomy and making your own informed choices, so they’re big on the getting involved and incorporating it in your life, less big on rules and strictness, about a year appaz for them it seems]

Sylvie: Screw [the lessons he said he’d help her study earlier] then

Sylvie: I’m in

Jake: They’re lucky to have you

Sylvie: You’re a good advertisement 

Jake: If I genuinely get through my Torah portion at your most distracting, I deserve to be their official poster boy, smugly demanding they’re created and hung everywhere

Sylvie: Stop being so fucking hot

Jake: Jms [because NEVER]

Sylvie: [French] Good boy

Jake: [whatever French equivalent of ‘fuck’ she used and he later copied as his first swear]

Sylvie: Say it to my face

Sylvie: open the door

Jake: [do open the door obviously, and do say it to her face with such !!! because part of you is genuinely shocked (as well as thrilled) that she’s finally here cos with her history of running away and y’all getting derailed you had that fear, especially now you’ve accidentally stood her up and she could so easily do it back to get her own back, Mona would, and worse, lbr, even though you do your best not to draw any comparisons, immediately throwing himself at her to KISS off the lipstick she applied because the corner shop man jealousy is too real lol lol, what a hello, truly, nearly sending them both flying because he is not steady on his feet anyway even before this makeout sesh and a half]

Sylvie: [y’all almost didn’t make it here, but we had to let you before everything goes up in flames lol, not that you two know about that deadline yet, even with my boo’s seed sowing, so KISS him back to make your way through this door and into his house, which you would like to be nosy about, but you’ve gotta make out first before you can think about that remotely, slamming that door behind you like goodbye rest of the world]

Jake: [y’all are so welcome you’re getting this especially because you don’t know how tempted I am rn (thanks to winola gay’s whispers in my ear) to say that she loses her virginity to Bobby or bar boy so neither of you get to lose it together, but anyway, here and now she will get her chance to snoop around later hopefully but first they’ve got makeout like their lives depend on it cos it feels like they do, cinematically dragging her to the ground with him like he slid to sitting earlier but together because they’re in this together now baby, so violently as if she slammed into him instead of slamming the door and knocked him to the ground, in contrast though, once they’re down there and still smooching for their lives, cradling her to him like she’s a baby Clove, however awkward that may be in this space cos I know your house is cluttered af sir]

Sylvie: [in fairness to you, drama bear extraordinaire, it does make sense that that’s an unfortunate possibility, because it is BAD when this all goes awry, so, we shall see, but right now, there is no time to see anything because y’all know why you’re here and (as dramatic as it is) she would’ve been SO worried when he didn’t show so now seeing and feeling him in the flesh again is all that matters and thus must take up 100% of our attention, on this ground like it’s where you’re meant to be because lowkey, smirking into this kiss that he needs to get up though because can’t both be down there for that to happen, not letting him yet though, obvs, more kissing must happen]

Jake: [mhmm, and I fear it must be Bobby for many reasons even though I wish for this gal’s sake it was bar boy because he’s not a complete nutter, at least y’all can eventually bond over both your exes being, if that does happen, but right now, smirking even bigger into this kiss and shaking his head (but most importantly messy bedhead whurls) at her because she made him wait so he has every intention of making her by if not doing a full house tour, at least showing her the living room where all his baby pics and a memory box style trunk of other family mementoes are stored where peeps can rifle through them often because they’re those bitches, plus shelves of all his recorded play performances lest we forget, getting up to lead her in that exact direction, but only like my boo said after so much kissing they’re gonna be bruised and aching, but if you think that means they won’t be kissing during the entire route there and crashing into god knows what (soz Mrs Cohen) then you’re not correct, every sentimental item in this house is currently at risk lol, SLAMMING her into the first gallery wall of his baby pics he comes across (because I know there are multiple) as hard as she slammed the door, in such direct delicious contrast to when he saved her from being at the venue, I’m sure both of them are reminded of not only that but all their wall antics that night, including when something fell off said wall and they defaced it, loving the familiarity of these flashbacks while she’s somewhere completely unfamiliar to her but yet somewhere he feels like she’s already been because she’s with him all the time guardian angel style, it’s art actually]

Sylvie: [right, let’s get down to business, by not getting down to business and taking a Sabrina style House Tour ™ lol, trying to scowl at him sassily but being too amused (and in love lbr) so you’re just smirking at him once again, pulling on his hair as if to slow him down/stop him in his tracks but obviously you just had to when he made such a show of the wurls there, doing faux grouchy grumblings as you pull him into a makeout about it before letting him pull you into the lounge properly and SLAM you into this gallery wall, which will have you reminiscing and shook in equal measures, absolutely, the GASP would feel overly dramatic but we know it isn’t just about the physical act there and all the FEELING behind it too that you have no feasible way to articulate (in or out of a saucy moment), LOOKING at him, then LOOKING him up and down, as if you haven’t seen him for a lifetime, because it was on sight when you got to the door and you’ve only just had a chance to be this extra now, reaching out and gently tugging his earlobe that is due to be pierced, lest we ever forget, rolling it between her fingers and smiling, before turning her attention (just her eyes, still touching him) to these pictures, scanning them with such seriousness you would think she’s going to be tested in a minute like some memory style game, shifting her weight from one foot to the other because baby him makes her feel a type of way and she can’t cope, biting the inside of her mouth to keep the !! NOISE from being as loud as it threatened to be]

Jake: [I’m still doing insta but I’m gonna do this at the same time because it’s boring lol and y’all aren’t, that gasp she did might as well have been a scream because of how here for it he was and the fact he couldn’t hide any of his reactions from her even if he wanted to and he simply does not anyway here and now, breathing so heavily it’s like they’re done a marathon from the front door to the lounge which isn’t (just) because of how sleep deprived and sick he is and is entirely also because of how turned on he is by their reunion, lest we forget the blue balled state we left him in, every single one of his insane exhales coming at her in their close proximity until he’s likewise LOOKING her over, it’s feeling like forever since y’all have seen each other in person and it’s hitting like it’s the first time, as gagged despite inviting her over and knowing she’d be here this time, doing his own GASP (as if all he is capable of is copying her lol) when she’s got his earlobe like that, his in person ‘hi again’ to echo how he started this convo (except in English now not French text speak) his voice being so husky and breathless as if he’s been asleep for a thousand years, lowkey sounds like he’s talking to his baby self which is poetic in itself because we all know he feels the most himself when he’s with her, but she’ll know he’s not because he’s only got eyes for her and her reactions while she’s studying these pics, moving her along eventually, like they’re in a gallery, and pushing her up against the next set of pics, this time instead of slamming her back into it, so her she’s nose to nose with baby him, touching the glass and making insane eye contact with both baby Jake and his older IRL reflection, it’s yet again cinematic]

Sylvie: [I respect that baby g, it is boring and you can multitask queen, these two here inadvertently doing some tantric ass breathing because simply have to breathe in his exhales and breathe ours into him, just feels like the correct thing to do, even as it makes you slightly lightheaded and high feeling, you were anyway off pure !! alone, so why stop there, breathlessly laughing a ‘good afternoon’ at him in French, because got to tease him for oversleeping (as you’re using your other hand not playing with his earlobe to stroke his face tenderly because he does look sleepy, we know, not that either of you is focusing on anything remotely negative now that you’re back together, refusing to waste any more time when you’re together, I’m gonna be bossy here and say this new set of pics are holiday ones so asking him to tell you where he is and what they were doing in every single one, because NOTHING about any of this is casual at all and that’s really reflected in how that will sound muffled by the glass, pushing her body back into him, in a way it might look like she’s trying to get him off her but of course she isn’t and of course that’s not what’s happening here]

Jake: [and why not indeed, y’all are already high af on each other’s company after being rudely denied it and would be higher still when you LOOK each other over and see you’re both absolutely COVERED in lipstick in the best way and unlike at the venue you don’t need to have a care about that on this occasion, plus breathing exercises are y’alls thing since that very same night when he showed her some so, this boy feeling a whole other level of lightheaded anyway when she laughs, giving her such an adorably tired smile before rubbing his eyes because looking at her this intently is making him see stars, as my boo knows red eyes makes the colour POP even harder so he’s serving rn in drawing even more attention to that too, you be bossy diva that’s a great idea and really lends itself to her bub holiday they were talking and writing a song about earlier, of course he’s telling her everything because she’s gonna be the opposite of bored by the level of detail he’s going into, and how this is gonna inspire y’all to do some more off the cuff song writing about it, soz to this glass if you also get covered in lipstick but not soz at all, reaching out to write Tb1 (duh) on the fogged up glass (because he needs to hold onto the wall with !! to steady himself when she starts to push her body into him) drawing over the heart of baby him, inside of a heart like he’s giving himself a tattoo dedicated to her, not at all casually, pushing his body into hers harder, like he’s gotta pin her to the wall like a butterfly in a frame or she’ll get away, in a rhythm that she’ll know is the melody to the song they’re creating even before he also starts to hum it to not make more indecent sounds]

Sylvie: [you both look like a HOT mess, and hot really is the operative word here, we love to see it, red absolutely does bring out the green, so along with his sleepy eyes and her lipstick, he is going to be absolutely stunting, hence we gotta wriggle fussily to try and get our hand in our pocket and get our phone out to take a picture of him but not being able to get enough room between the wall and her body because of how he’s got her, which is a turn on even if we’re protesting because he looks so hot and we wanna remember forever, thank you, you’re welcome that all this movement is only going to make this feel even better though lads, pausing and trying to think of the French text equivalent to write ‘good boy’ because he liked that and you gotta let him know you know, writing it over the picture you think he looks happiest in and asking him if that was his favourite holiday, giving baby him a forehead kiss (which will absolutely cover his whole face in the photo with a lipstick print)]

Jake: [hot really is the word because in the HOTTEST move he will be reading her mind and reaching around to get her phone from her pocket himself because she deserves a reward for her stunning antics writing on and then kissing that photo which will drive him INSANE because they’re practically turning his house into a crime scene, MOANING about it, but keeping her pinned and still with his body while he does a lil photoshoot she can’t even see herself until later, very good boy coded of him in giving her what she wanted but on brand to make her wait for them, only answering her questions about this holiday when he’s decided he’s done taking pics and slipped her phone back into her pocket, we all know when his hand is in there he’ll be writing in there, compliments of his own in French text speak, very much giving 3 that he hasn’t called her in this convo yet but loves and needs to, his voice sounding hoarser than ever, cracking a little bit but for a good instead of angsty reason, so we can reclaim that from last night, I’m gonna say whichever is his fave hol (whether it’s this or another) he’s directing her over towards the shelves to show her more trinkets of, PUSHING her into said shelves (which are giving full length bookcase vibes in my imagination) with !! and when her back’s against them, making out with her dramatically again, during which he takes both of her hands in his and raises them up to the height of the correct shelf, using his to direct hers to touch and then pick up whatever it is he wanted to show her, telling her about it into the nonstop makeout] 

Sylvie: [they are, the way this boy is going to have to retrace his steps and relive every moment of this if he intends to clean up is not the main reason for any of these shenanigans but definitely a welcome byproduct of what’s going down here on this day, goes without saying that she is THRILLED at this as a reward, more so for the denial in the moment, like exactly boy, trying to say ‘thank you’ but being so breathless and taken aback that the resulting noise is beyond indecent, so much so it even shocks her, resulting in whispering his name in disbelief at how he has her already, in the sims they absolutely have the big bookcase with the ladder so you’re absolutely right about the vibes boo and the vibes are ICONIC; LOOKING into his eyes when he turns her around to makeout and has her hands above her head because ‘this is exactly where I want to be’ and she has never meant that more than in this moment, lord knows how he’s finding the space or breath to tell her about this because the making out is feverish and frantic and cannot be tamed, excuse all the other trinkets on these shelves, I hope none of you get broken or you will have to get out the superglue when y’all are finished]

Jake: [oh he’ll be living his best life if he gets to retrace his steps and clean up, hopefully he gets to before his mum returns even with the sleeping I know y’all are gonna do when you exhaust yourselves even more being feral, we shall see, here and now they’re too distracted to be anywhere else but these frantic moments, nodding when she whispers his name like that because yes exactly, very much like his head shake earlier other than being a yes instead of a no, I just know he’s tickling her with his hair so much because they’re so close still, looking high when he LOOKS back into her eyes because the feels and horniness are peak levels, the struggle to speak during the makeout is very much part of it, as always, literally fighting to get these words out and the trinkets are fighting for their lives lol, I imagine she’s in her school uniform cos she was at school but regardless I imagine she has a jacket on because we’re saying she arrived in Jan/Feb potentially, so pulling that off her because it hasn’t occurred to him until now that she’s still wearing it, using the action and the fabric of said jacket to drag her towards his memory trunk (which in my head is big, like you could use it for a table, if not full coffee table then at least end table size) and sit her down on it, continually hardcore making out the entire time so RIP to any clutter that was on there that’s getting shoved off by her body, no fucks are given, his only priority is stripping her down to the equivalent of the t-shirt and pants she woke up in Bobby’s bed wearing (whether he’s aware of that or it’s purely just a subconscious need), while continuing to makeout with her so aggressively, it’s giving the sims when she was just strutting around haha]

Sylvie: [giggling, because we do feel high to the point of giddiness, and that makes his hair tickling us feel so amplified, especially now her hands are out of her control, so she can’t swipe away his hair or stop him at all, which of course makes her feel a type of way too, back to being here panting about it all, which makes it seem like he’s taking your coat off for you because you’re overheating, and tbh, you’re that turned on that being as unclothed as possible does seem like a sensible idea in all the ways, only feeling #exposed in the best ways and not remotely in the uncomfortable sort, trying out different poses on this trunk, trying to be like a trinket/ornament herself, like she can stay if she can make it work and not fall off from the force of this makeout, from within it trying to take off whatever top he has on but refusing to break apart and make that job easy, of course]

Jake: [tbf if we’re going by the school outfit my boo made she would be because she has a leather racing jacket on, I do love that you put a vest under her polo shirt though so it’s very sims atm, this girl out here effortlessly slaying and looking like the most stunning trinket and he’s OBSESSED, as evidenced by the fact he has to keep pausing the insane makeout to check out each new pose and take mental pictures with his heart eyes, but he also simply cannot stop making out with her for long because he has to reward her for each of them like he’s scoring her with how intense the kisses are, this boy rocking whatever he slept in and looking so messy yet hot about it, picking her up, with the intention she’s gotta get off the trunk so he can open it and she can look at everything including the newborn stuff therein, but shamelessly getting distracted by having her against his bare chest by the time she’s managed to get his top off, pushing hers up so they’re doing skin to skin contact over here, making a happy NOISE when his fingers brush over her stomach and he vividly remembers everything that’s been written there and  her heart shaped lovebite as well as all the times she’s touched his lately too]

Sylvie: [just eating it up, thank god, because you need him to look back and remember exactly what he’s missing when this is over and everything goes tits, y’all are going to end up on the floor once again when she really nails a pose and launches herself into your arms too hard with the ensuing makeout, and you couldn’t be happier about the fact, letting him know it by kissing all the skin she has just exposed and I do mean all of it, we’re kissing his arms and his chest and stomach, picking up his hand after he makes us SHIVER by brushing it over our stomach and kissing that too, kissing each finger individually and really taking her time with it, then picking up the other hand to repeat the process, making eye contact as she hits him with an IRL French ‘I miss you’]

Jake: [mhmm and we ALL know he will obsessively, little do y’all know, here living your best lives, every single one of these kisses are absolutely sending him, never mind how much time she’s taking over doing each of them, he had to SQUEEZE his eyes shut about it because the urge to just take her virginity on the floor rn immediately is overwhelming when she’s being this perfect but no no, sir you cannot, opening them in time to return the eye contact as if this is once again choreographed cos they’re always that in sync, before positioning her (as effortlessly as if she is a trinket) to be sitting comfortably in his lap for this trip down baby Jake memory lane, cinematically opening her legs as he opens this trunk, pushing himself into her in the exact right place like he’s fitting a key in a lock, making a sound that’s almost as dramatic as a sob at how good it feels now that for once they both aren’t wearing jeans lol, he can feel everything and she can feel a lot, because for that parallel I’m gonna say he’s wearing the same pj bottoms as he was wearing when they were being feral on the phone, eventually managing to say, though his voice sounds genuinely awed like he can’t believe this is happening, ‘get ready to miss me from before you even knew me’ also in French ‘from the day I was born’ added as he takes from the trunk his baby bracelet from that very day and hands it to her]

Sylvie: [if you knew what was coming, you absolutely would, alas, you think you have time to take and wanna do that in peak romantic fashion, soz to you both that that’s not happening, at least this all is because, right now, couldn’t be happier and more in it, thinking she might bite a hole in his shoulder when he’s pushing into her open legs like that, settling for repeatedly headbutting said shoulder until she can regain composure enough to take in this tiny baby bracelet properly, marvelling at how small it is because babies really do be so tiny it’s insane to picture, seeing if you can fit it over a finger or maybe two as a ring for comparison and being so silently !! as she reads his stats that they write on there, mouth moving again like she’s doing the most to commit this information to memory ‘3 months, 6 days or 98 days’ just telling him how long she was alive before he was born, because it isn’t difficult math to do, even in your current state ‘not even triple digits’]

Jake: [oh girls he’s definitely remembering the 98 days etc of it all so he can ref it in or title a song exactly that, committing it to memory like he’s committing all of her antics and every reaction, hasn’t even looked at anything in this memory box because he’s just looking at her, meaning when he pulls out the newborn pic of him (because it’s his first ever so it’s too special to just bomf in a album with all the others, clearly) he’s lowkey doing it from memory too, writing both the days and the months and any other maths he can do in his current state with his finger on the back of this photo, soz to his mum but if he had his sharpie on him rn he’d be writing it fr, passing her the pic when he’s done that and telling her his birth story as told to him and anything else he knows about his first days, until that leads them to his circumcision because that’s on the 8th, they don’t hang about, giving her all the deets about that ceremony cos there’s a lot to it, including how his foreskin was buried in the earth, like lol that’s why it’s not here in the trunk cos his mum shamelessly would if that wasn’t tradition, finding (also by feel) the full fit cos that’s for sure in there, not just giving those to her but holding the ootd up to her body for scale and putting the lil hat he told her about earlier on her head and trying to tie it on, much fun is being had and eye contact is being held the entire time] 

Sylvie: [me like and thank god you don’t have your sharpie to hand, your mother found seething over you defacing her memories lol, this girl sees it all though and is not only heart eyes but getting more in his lap (as if there’s further to go) and cuddling into his body like she can crawl inside him lowkey, just listening to this story enraptured, because the way her own birth was told was in that shitty book and was like a horror story, nothing cute about it, how beloved he is just filling you with awe, truly, no room to be jealous currently because you too feel that love for him so you’re just like absolutely, this is how it should be, going to lose her damn mind over this lil fit and the hat, oh my lord, having baby fever the likes of which she has never experienced before, attaching herself to him by the mouth or she knows she’s gonna say some shit, NOISES is more than enough paired with how she’s going to be moving against him]

Jake: [soz girl I’m fully aware of how insufferable how loved he is would be if you didn’t also love him, Mona certainly found fuming about it given the state of her fam, luckily he’s aware too because he read some of your mum’s horrific book, so taking the time to rewrite hers how it should be and retell it to her through the absolutely insane makeout sesh she has instigated, pure wish fulfilment, once again the struggle to get the words out is very much part of it, but he’s even more determined to do this for her than he is to get to the end of his Torah portion during the oral, it’s like his blackout poems x 1000 cos gotta take it up a notch when the feels are this high, using the kisses and movements as necessary punctuation in the story, however dangerous it is to keep moving like this when he hasn’t cum in such a long time and still doesn’t want to until he does in her mouth, it feels worth the risk in this moment ™] 

Sylvie: [my boo says boy, you don’t have the staying power for this right now, and she’s so real for that, but he simply had to show her these memories, we couldn’t go on otherwise, he’s so right for that, but I will save you/this girl will because got to silence you when you start retelling this story because cannot handle it and when making out isn’t working, we’re going to start going under these PJs to touch you and then when that’s not worked either, slowly kissing your way back down his body to be like shh, LOOKING up at him like you better stop]

Jake: [I love that he won’t stop no matter what, despite how blatant it is that all of her tactics are killing him, more and more with every one up of herself she does, giving her a LOOK back like no you better stop unless we’re gonna do this right here and right now instead of in his bedroom as was kinda the unofficial plan, chest HEAVING (with the effort of not) as he warns her he’ll cum (if she doesn’t stop, that part only going unspoken because he’d be lying if he said he wanted her to, ever) which doesn’t sound like a big deal in itself as a sentence, when it’s already so obvious that it basically goes without saying, but is because he’s never said the c word in English before, he’s only ever used French slang to say it, deliberately because I wanted to save it for a moment ™, such as this, so she knows how !! he is, and he gets to say it for the first time peak indecently, adding ‘so unless that’s what you want’ to sassily shift the blame on her if it happens lol, cos she loved that earlier] 

Sylvie: [we love to see it, such know-it-all vibes unintentionally and only spurring her on to do more without fully committing to the bit quite yet, but being in the exact position to do so, leaning so her breath is tickling his skin ‘how close?’ because how far can we push this before I need to put my mouth on you, has never really got to look at him like this, this exposed and for this length of time, because y’all are usually too in public to be like this, so really LOOKING and memorising and remembering what she did to the banana and the remote and visualising doing this to him, doing a dramatic swallow about it]

Jake: [mhmm but any of his cocky playfulness has completely left the building by the time her breath hits his skin, doing such an extra but totally genuine and entirely involuntary shiver of his own then, it’s really gonna seem like he isn’t gonna answer her question because he’s just letting her LOOK at him for what feels like forever since as my boo pointed out they’re usually too in public for this and it’s a novelty, eventually untying his baby prayer hat from her head and throwing back into the trunk to keep safe from their feral antics, running both hands through her hair very dramatically and then holding her face, tilting it up to look into his eyes again, giving her 2 units of time like she did with how long she’d been alive without him but they’re how long it would take to watch all of his play performances and go through all his baby albums, as if he’s gonna make her wait that long before this blowjob occurs lol]

Sylvie: [actually being shocked and appalled that she still has his baby skullcap on, the GASP is not to add more breathing to the situation, but it’s gonna happen because truly like oh my god, what heathen behaviour from me lol, nodding when he puts it away like yes, keep it safe ‘well, as I won’t be invited back’ like we better prioritise watching every play you were ever in lmao because I’m going to get banned from your house for the scenes being caused, giving him such mischievous eyes though and resting her face in his hands like do you REALLY want me to get up from this position, still staring at his dick on the low because can’t look away, opening her mouth to say something about it but every compliment sounds ridiculous and insincere when she’s being deadly serious with it, so instead asking ‘why 8 days?’ because surely there’s a significance behind that]

Jake: [saying her name (for the first time since she got here) as his own !! breath when her gasp hits because the feeling of it is killing him lol, which she’ll see when she’s still sneaky looking at him, out here throbbing on the living room floor haha, talk about heathen behaviour, gesturing so theatrically that it would seem like he’s gesturing towards the play recordings like hurry up and pick your poison but she’ll know he’s not cos of the direction, what he’s actually grabby hands-ing for (not that he’s verbalised it) is her lipstick whether that’s in her school bag that got dumped by door or the pocket of her jacket he’s taken off, because when she opens her mouth like that ALL he can think about is reapplying it for her so they can get down to business, so much so that his body moves closer to her in such a shamelessly hot thrust that he didn’t consent to, and he has to cover her mischievous eyes like no no, don’t look at that, while he tells her about the significance because there’s a lot, having to do such a big swallow of his own first (that she’ll only hear) so he doesn’t choke on his saliva while explaining, cos not only is it commanded in the Torah because the 8th day is believed to be when humans take an active role in completing god’s creation (whatever that means) it’s also about the baby living a week so they’ve lived through a sabbath, and the mum is considered impure for 7 days after the birth and has to be separated from her husband, so they can celebrate on the 8th day together, then there’s the medical scientific view that blood clotting peaks on the 8th day, basically loads to nerd out about while being super horny on main]

Sylvie: [making such a cross noise when he covers her eyes, acting like she’s gonna bite his fingers if he doesn’t move them because how dare you ‘did I make you look away once, did I flinch?’ because the answer is, of course, no, she was a good girl about it all, laughing like and how am I going to get you that lipstick too, feeling around to try and find her jacket despite being unable to see because part of it, even if you can’t move too far from him because you refuse, eventually locating it and then the lipstick in the pocket to hand to him, after he’s told you this whole story because ABOUT IT, thrusting this lipstick at him in as feral a manner as he thrust his body at her before at this point ‘cool’ such a casual word, could not be said less casually]

Jake: [he’s living for her cross noise but that doesn’t mean he’s uncovering her eyes, not until he’s finished his jewish nerding is his intention, but don’t get me wrong, he’s beyond tempted when she says that and reminds him what a good girl she’s been, giving her an enthusiastic noise so she’s aware he agrees + drawing a tally mark on her with his finger, obvs, but ultimately watching her feel around blindly for the lipstick is too much fun, especially because while she’s looking he reaches down with his free hand and starts curling and uncurling his fingers inside of her with !! loving the fact he doesn’t have to be stealthy in any way cos they aren’t in public, part of him is frantically gesturing for said lipstick as if they’re playing hot and cold and part of him is doing a ‘come here’ style gesture as if she’s trying to crawl away from him and he needs her to stay exactly where she is, because #conflicted like that, forever and always, when she locates it and thrusts it at him, taking his hand out of her and holding it, LOOKING it over as if he’s never seen a lipstick in his life as he uncovers her eyes, telling her she’s a ‘good girl’ in both French and English, as he switches the lipstick to his other hand so the one that’s been inside her is the one holding her face (and making more of a mess of it) while he takes an age reapplying it on her lips, lingering like a french movie scene fr, peak cinema, finally when he can’t do any more because he’s even spent a long time neatening the edges with his finger (and her wetness) in such iconic contrast to the smudged mess that both of the rest of their faces are, he says ‘cool colour’ with an equal lack of casualness that lets her know he can’t wait to be even more covered in it] 

Sylvie: [when, despite everything, you weren’t expecting him to touch you, so you really are #shook, and there’s no need for acting, accidentally falling onto his fingers in your surprise here and making yourself even more !!, covering your mouth whilst he’s still covering your eyes and shaking your head like I can’t believe you’ve done this, her MOAN is not muffled enough to be entirely unmistakable though, body heaving when he finally lets you see and about to tell him he’s not allowed to touch you but being silenced by the hot lipstick application moment so you cannot and thus will not because do you actually want him to stop anything? No, never, duh, blushing under the mess of lipstick from before ‘I picked it for you’ because naturally, you’re going to pick a red that’s really going to leave a mark, this is a situation that calls for it, along with red sharpie parallels, of course, hence taking that lipstick back from him and, tentatively, (because you aren’t sure how careful/not careful you can be about these things yet), drawing lines along his dick at about 1-inch intervals, because you wanna see how good you can do this and you want him to THINK about it, drawing a shaky heart right at the base aka where your nose would be if you can manage that because of course you want to, that’s the goal, looking up at him because you want him to tell you what that felt like/presuming and hoping it’s a new sensation for him too]

Jake: [hehe this boy had every intention of touching her again when the lipstick moment is done because they’re alone for once and she can moan as loud as she wants (plus wouldn’t be able to put her hand back over her mouth without risking smudging his fresh application and she’s too much of a good girl for that, absolutely gonna be stopped in his tracks by her drawing antics though, soz, but actually not at all soz cos it’s iconic of her and something else that’ll really linger in his mind in the angst era, because who else would ever, it’s giving a whole series of mini lines to cross and he’s OBSESSED, but first, before I get too distracted lol, do ask her what the shade name is when she says she picked it for you because knowing y’all it’s probably French and/or saucy so it’ll really add to this, anyway, I have no idea what this would feel like cos I’m not a boy (but I don’t have to be one to be sure that you’re losing your mind and trying not to cum the moment you realise what she’s drawing and why, which wouldn’t take long, so just fighting for your life the entire time tbh) but you’re a boy who will wax lyrical about this, so pop off, not even rambling because he wants to make her wait this time, he just has so much to say about this new experience, truly, blurting out EVERY thought in his head about it, unfiltered, not trying to make it sound peak romance or like a lyric/poem, just telling her everything, not caring if it’s a parallel to his messy notes app last night, which is a lovely throwback to when they kissed and he didn’t care if it looked ugly because he was too into it to be performative, reaching out and drawing the same shaky heart inside of her with his fingers how he always be writing French text speak usually, as unthinkingly because y’all don’t know we’re cockblocking you and as far as you’re concerned you’re gonna be able to hook up soon, and he wants her to THINK about every inch of him she marked out being inside of her too and how that’s gonna feel]

Sylvie: [mhmm, exactly that, we’ve got lines to cross and blur, and the intention is to erase them all (literally and symbolically) with your continued feral antics, and after some research, I am going with Chanel Rouge Allure, shade 99- Pirate, it looks nice to me, it’s pretty iconic and of course French, so tell him that with a grin (that really draws attention to the colour on your lips), because it’s clear that he’s also trying to ask this question before he gets beyond distracted and you are equally OBSESSED with how you’ve got him already, still ending up stunned by just how poetic he can be about everything, even something like this, going to ask him if he wants you to write your name next but he starts drawing inside of her and her words get lost to a DRAMATIC intake of breath as she follows the pattern he’s making with his fingers with her hips, nodding with the same intensity because she is THINKING about it, they could not be more on the same page right now and that is truly the most important thing and everything she wants]

Jake: [I looked it up and I agree it’s the mood, plus expensive which is her everything (we already know from her outfits so far) he won’t be batting an eye because Mona also has expensive tastes but I’m here like okay rich girl haha, I don’t even need to say he’s filing that shade name away for use in a future song, goes without saying at this point, as does the fact that here and now he’s too busy STARING at her mouth she’s drawn attention to, to do anything else, until he’s popping off with his every thought anyways, and then doing his fingering antics, which he adds to by drawing a cross through the heart as he says ‘cross my heart’ no elaborating what he’s promising her because there’s no need, it’s to take her virginity asap, it’s to give her everything that she could ever want etc etc, we’ll all sit here and try not to scream over the promises getting broken, taking the lipstick with his free hand and going over his name that’s already scratched into her skin, as discussed earlier, so it says Jake in vivid red, nbd, writing inside of her with his other hand at the same time, ‘s and then everything she is, because it said Jake’s [and an insult] when she scratched it with the earring and he’s gotta let her know she’s more than just that now, feeding into and one uping the ‘my…’ of it all before, again just any thought or compliment or term of endearment that pops into his head because he knows she isn’t gonna be able to decode much beyond the ‘s and so he’s safe to be extra]

Sylvie: [my boo is so heated at what’s to come, she says I can’t even look at you, Jacob, Win had a diabolical idea that sick kid era should be 98 days and I say diva, as if we’ll be able to last that long lmao, anyway, repeating ‘cross my heart’ sounding like she’s DYING before she’s even started this blowjob too because we mean that so sincerely like cross the line, which is so close to an ILY it’s wild, thank the lord his antics are gonna render you effectively speechless as far as coherency goes because you don’t need to be any more extra, thank you, here losing it and showing how hard she is by not being able to start sucking his dick despite being right there and doing all the breathing all over his skin, doing a kiss and then a lovebite as close to that skin as you feel is safe to get without injuring him, because got to get out some !! and be insane about it]

Jake: [oh win that would be so iconic if we could though, we’ll have to try our hardest, if not we could maybe do 40 days (cos it’s almost half) for the Jesus in the desert of it all but that isn’t as slay, anyway, what’s important here and now is that her reactions (and the feels getting higher and higher with every passing second) is gonna spur him on to be VERY bold, cos one thing about me is I can always be more extra, so the last thing he writes inside of her is ‘s first love, because we can all agree Mona isn’t when she’s a big fraud (at least in this boy’s mind, I would argue that unlike China she’s been pretty upfront about being a bitch the whole time but) and that he’s been falling hard for this girl for a while, she won’t know but my boo needs to, she will know however that whatever he wrote is EXTRA af because it’s making him lose it too, so much so that he’s clumsily setting his phone up (on the trunk so his hands can be free to be all up in her hair or wherever else he wants, is the idea) because they’ve discussed filming him taking her virginity so he knows she’ll want this first to be recorded too, his hands shaking so much he can’t get the phone to stay there though, so he’s recording an iconic and potentially blurry angle as he holds it and his other hand does her face, guiding her into place, telling her ‘smile for the camera’ in French, in such a daddy manner as if he’s a father shooting a home movie or taking holiday snaps]

Sylvie: [the other JC ref always slays too, I say we’ll see what we can manage, because whatever we do, these two will be able to wax lyrical about it so it matters not, lowkey, like it matters not that she can’t work out what he’s writing, she just knows it’s extra already because he already talked about their wedding and children today so it isn’t going to be restrained and knowing that is enough to have you both on the edge here, that’s before he’s introducing recording this, which he rightly knows is exactly what she wants, attempting to help him by stacking up some albums and trinkets to act as a makeshift tripod situation for when he has to put this phone down, doing her biggest smile up at him/the camera and saying, in French ‘baby’s first blowjob’ like she’s providing the title card for this home video moment ‘are you ready now?’ still in French, whilst directing her attention and thus this angle towards how ready he is]

Jake: [she’s so kind for helping him set up a makeshift tripod cos we all know there’s gonna come a point when he slams this phone down like he almost did his guitar and like his notebook hit the deck when sketching, for now though, he’s got it FIRMLY in hand, the grip giving white knuckle because he’s so !! from all their edging, having to close his eyes for a second like they’re an old school camera shutter also capturing her smile, but really, he’s just fighting for his life not to accidentally cum all over her fringe (before she’s even done anything) the way he on purpose did when cinema date, ultimately though, how obsessed he is with this needing to finally happen will make him hold it together, doing an even rougher hair PULL than when he did it for the first time, because that’s how ready he is, literally couldn’t be more desperate for these antics to begin, in contrast however, like in cinema date, the way he instigates this so that he’s finally in her mouth is so gentle, as is how he holds her head still, because it’s even more important than it was then that they both take a moment ™ to adjust to the fact and the feeling of that, not only because they’ve both wanted and imagined this for so long but also because all the practice in the world can’t prepare her for how different this is than a banana, a nod as he lets her face go, ‘I think we’re as ready as we’ll ever be’  still in French, because they’re in this together, baby, and both equally too ready and never gonna be, keeping hold of her fringe for another moment ™ as he LOOKS at her, silently asking if she agrees with that] 

Sylvie: [groaning her blatant approval at him pulling her hair like that ‘now you’ve asked nicely’ as if this is all she was waiting for, the urge to go too hard too fast would be very real, so trying to take his lead and get accustomed to this sensation, whilst being aware you do only have so long to experiment here, meeting his eyes and humming her agreement around him, closing her eyes briefly then too because can’t believe or deal with the fact that this is finally happening, so into feeling him pulse inside of her mouth and imagining how it will feel when he’s fucking her, instinctively moving and recreating how she wants that to happen with her mouth right now, letting his dick lie flat against her tongue and wrapping it around it a few times like she’s tasting him]

Jake: [zooming in on her eyes so dramatically when they meet his, such an artsy close up, which is impressive tbh because he’s likewise THINKING about what it will feel like to fuck her so much in the next second that the camera might as well not exist, somehow remembering to start his hebrew chanting when she hums though, taking the sound (and sensation) as his cue and thank god because it sounds wild anyway so he’ll be able to hide a lot of the unhinged NOISES he’ll wanna make therein, idk how long his Torah portion will take to recite because no one will give me an answer of that, but I’m proud of him for starting anyway, and speaking of starting, this boy is even more proud of her when she makes her first move so (before he even knows what she’s gonna do yet) doing another zoom, this time between her legs at how wet she is because we all know it’s insane and she’s only wearing underwear at this point meaning it’s also blatant (rewarding her with this footage when the time comes to watch this back because she’s being such a good girl rn), rewarding her in the moment too, so she gets some instant gratification as well as delayed, stroking her fringe off her face turning into kissing the top of her head, turning into patting her head for the good dog of it all, in a rhythm that’s ofc in sync with her antics] 

Sylvie: [this girl is likewise proud of him and extremely turned on by it, because it does sound like nothing you’ve ever heard and that is entirely fitting for this brand new experience, making so much eager EYE CONTACT with him as if you can understand a word of this, let alone every single one to be this enthralled, the view this boy is getting between her legs is going to be obscene at this point, and as if she needs to get his attention back, she’s seeing what lipstick mark she can get to and if she can get all the way yet or needs to build up to it, which I feel like you can get there but not stay there comfortably yet, but you aren’t mad at choking in the pursuit of getting there, when you do have to pull back, spluttering, smiling up at him breathlessly like I did it, putting her hand around where she got up to for the visual as well as keeping the rhythm going with her hand whilst she’s catching her breath, licking all around from where her hand is right to the tip, paying extra attention there, lapping up the pre-cum greedily and being mad there isn’t more for her to have, lacing her other hand through his legs and SQUEEZING his booty three times like a … or the kisses or the hearts, gently encouraging him into more purposeful movement, into fucking her mouth here and now]

Jake: [eager eye contact is exactly it because he’s giving her the biggest and proudest heart eyes that he’s ever given at her efforts and her own proud of herself smile, which is hitting even harder because his eyes would’ve widened (comically if y’all weren’t so serious about this) just before at how her choking hit for them both, he knew she could do it, he’s watched her banana practice often enough but the reality is so different in all the best ways, matching her for breathlessness when she’s using her hand so there’s no expected momentary reprieve from all the overwhelming sensations, unable to catch his own breath in the slightest and stumbling for the first time over his chanting when she’s lavishing so much attention somewhere that sensitive, MOUTHING her name with !! in the pause like OMG, a blink and you’ll miss it style gesture that she won’t because it’s caught on camera, then as she’s encouraging him, speeding up and getting louder instead, knowing this is about to get feral and he’s even more on borrowed time in his goal of getting anywhere near the end of his recital, because he certainly doesn’t need to be told twice to fuck her mouth, going at it practically involuntarily now the floodgates have been opened and he couldn’t slow down even if his mum or sister literally walked in rn and demanded it, thankfully nobody is gonna interrupt y’all this time, and thankfully times x2 she can’t understand what he’s saying anyway so he can put his !! into it]

Sylvie: [getting progressively more thrilled with herself because of his iconic reactions, so buzzing when he stumbles over his words and has to take a sec, nodding to not only show her approval but to use that motion to help him in establishing this more punishing momentum you’ve got going, immediately OBSESSED with the blissed out feeling this gives her because truly unable to think a single thought and can only focus on the overwhelming sensation of being full of him, having just enough room to make UNHINGED sounds around him, which he likewise, will not be able to understand but he will know the !! behind it as well as she does his words]

Jake: [they’re so on the same page with progressively being more thrilled with this gal, we love to see it, he never thought she’d flop but she’s really outdoing herself with not just her antics but even more importantly her reactions, because she’s so authentically and enthusiastically enjoying herself and for such pure reasons and he isn’t used to that when his ex is all about control and game playing and weaponising, his eyes getting even redder because he refuses to close them even for a second despite badly needing to, they’re burning, then watering, and if that wasn’t stunning enough as a visual, this boy is also now sweating at this new pace, the phone stuck to his clammy hand lol]  

Sylvie: [y’all are both in this for the same/right reasons right now, because she absolutely wants to please him and give him what he wants/needs but she also is truly enjoying it for herself and the feelings she can also get from this, of which she is revelling in as we speak, letting herself drool so much so it’s falling onto her body and her t-shirt is almost as wet as her underwear (but they could never be THAT wet, lbr), pulling his free hand towards her face to hold it again, wiping his face just collect those tears and sweat to taste, popping the finger she used in her mouth right beside his dick, like she’s stretching herself out for him, PAINED eye contact as the saltiness and realisation of this hit at the same time]

Jake: [mhmm and hooray for that because it’s about to go tits for all the wrong reasons so soon but at least we’re letting you have these cinematic scenes first, speaking of, if we’re going by her school outfit the vest she’s been stripped down to is white and will be going see through so he’ll be living for that, STARING with such intensity at her hard nips at the same time as he zooms in and out on them, no doubt getting vivid flashbacks of every time he’s messed with them, most noticeably on the bench which is I think the most feral that’s got up to now because usually there’s too many peeps around, about to put the phone down and devote himself to doing it again here and now, but before he can she’s directing him to hold her face, GRIPPING onto it with !! hard enough to leave fingerprint sized bruises on her face which makes him audibly MOAN instead of chant for a second at the thought of her having those going back to school tomorrow and back home etc etc, returning her eye contact so she’ll read his mind about that before stroking her cheek more gently to feel the bulge of himself inside her mouth]

Sylvie: [the footage is peak, and I hope y’all get to enjoy this before everything is tanked at least once because truly cinematic things are happening here that you can only take in and appreciate so much in the moment, and we are appreciating everything to the best of our ability, but we are lost in how into this we are now, because this is EXACTLY what you wanted him to do and you’re communicating this via really pushing him into your cheek for him to feel, crossing her legs to be able to touch herself without using her hands, which are way too busy aiding in her feralness rn]

Jake: [I’ll at least have him send it to her in the immediate aftermath so they both have it when they’re done here even if they don’t get to watch it until they do on repeat when it’s angsty and yearning o clock, meanwhile, here and now it’s the phone getting slammed down onto it’s makeshift tripod o clock so that he can hold her face with both hands and be doing the most feeling himself moving around in there on both sides, it’s gotta be done, even though it’ll mean he’s REALLY struggling with his hebrew now, faltering for the first time when he realises she’s touching herself and only continuing to as he touches her face more frantically, digging nails he doesn’t have into her skin, pressing harder as he also picks up the pace with his hip movements]

Sylvie: [it’s something lmao, I know you’ll have a chance to do that much before it blows up, even if it’s not fully edited into the masterpiece you intend it to be, anyway, if her eyes weren’t SCREAMING her fuck yes at him, the way she is trying (knowing she will fail) to tell him to cum, over and over again here will let him know that this was absolutely the move, just here trying to have him as far into her mouth as is physically possible for when he does, breathing can wait]

Jake: [mhmm at least you’ll both have the raw footage, no pun intended, because it’d be too cruel if she didn’t, anyway, we all know his own eyes are screaming back that he can’t hold on much longer as if that wasn’t beyond obvious, but she needs to KNOW so that she can ready herself (as much as she ever could) for when he soon will because the banana was never gonna react back the way this boy is gonna when, speaking of, taking his hands (which are shaking to such a ridiculous degree) and using them to guide hers to his balls and show her what to do with them because the banana didn’t have those either and idk but some dudes like that, so why not, all the fun new experiences please and thanks, once she’s been shown what to do, both his hands finally going to her chest and GRABBING her through that clinging wet fabric, holding on with the same bruising intensity as if he’s clinging on for dear life, pulling her nips harder as she takes him deeper down her throat, his voice the hoarsest it’s ever been as he tries to do a bit more Hebrew]

Sylvie: [simultaneously wishing you could do this forever and also needing him to cum for her right now immediately or she’s gonna die about it, being torn resulting in doing the most with everything you’re doing to make it happen and cram as much of the experience into this little time as possible, even if you are giving him a dirty look for leaving this ball tutorial ‘til now like hey, I could’ve been doing that the whole time lol, the enthusiasm with which you’re going at it now will make up for it, I’m sure, and the enthusiasm is so organic because everything about this is killing you, the more out of control he gets, the more she does too]

Jake: [they couldn’t be more on the same page about this because on the one hand he badly needs to cum and knows she wants him to but on the other he likewise wishes this could go on forever so she could try every experimental hot move that she could possibly think of, because even without knowing this is gonna be y’alls last chance for however long it’s still her first time rn, shooting her a LOOK back like if you’d been doing this the whole time it’d be over already because he’s so into it, said LOOK turning into shameless begging with his eyes because if she doesn’t stop he’s gonna lose it completely, therefore DON’T, biting her fringe in desperation, his forever hot move, because his chanting attempts have just turned into loud and unholy sounds, and the moving to do that will push him even deeper down her throat, reaching to put his hands there and feel it like he did with her cheeks, obvs]

Sylvie: [like you might get more chance today before someone comes home, idk, but you both know that this particular first ever is about to come to a close, and there is no stopping if she wanted, as you said, we are laser focused on the goal of him cumming now, and that’s all that matters, meeting his gaze with the most encouragement one can give solely with eye contact alone, SOUNDS trapped in her throat vibrating against his hands]

Jake: [this boy is gonna do some snoozing I know that but who can say what else might happen yet beyond this moment when what’s going to happen is v obvious, cinematically spitting her fringe out with such drama so that none of his SOUNDS are trapped or even slightly muffled because she deserves to hear them in their full glory when she’s doing everything she can to cause them with those vibrations sending him to space, it’s so apt that it’s musical vibes, and of course that’s only gonna kill him harder, nerd that he is, catch him opening his mouth to verbally tell her he’s gonna cum fr fr this time but it happens before he can get any of the words out, because his brain is well and truly melting I fear, a throwback to the dead fish at the party moment when his mouth was opening and closing then  (and hers did later too because she likewise couldn’t get the words out as fast as she was losing it, oh lads, you’re forever in sync) but there’s no closing it or shutting him up on this occasion lol, thank god his neighbours are at work because he is more or less screaming the place down how he couldn’t at the party by the time this is over, convulsing like she did when he killed her at said party, shoutout all these throwbacks, and giving her the throat lovebite he thought about doing when she did one on the back of his neck, the most savage lovebite to date, because control has been lost]

Sylvie: [oh you’re definitely going to have a sleepy snoozy time now, and unfortunately for y’all that might last until his fam are home because you are categorically exhausted, especially him, but she didn’t sleep well either last night, so you may run out of time but the point is, you are getting your glorious, perfect moment right now and it is everything you could have possibly hoped for and better than you could’ve imagined, so thank god for that too, and thank god it has been captured because all these sensations and sights are coming over her like waves and it feels like the best kind of drowning, so overwhelmed, finally getting to make the dramatic SOUND you’ve been needing to make this whole time when he’s attacking your throat in a lovebite way, sounding so insane because he just came in it and you can hear that, almost sounding like you’re crying you’re that !! pulling his face up to kiss him on the mouth immediately like he did when he went down on her]

Jake: [that was my thought because it’s a believable way for us to cockblock y’all from going any further without it feeling like a cockblock to y’all because sleeping together like that is not only needed but also another first and peak romance the way y’all are no doubt gonna go about it, but first, in this moment it’s like when he spat in her mouth at the party but x10000000000000 in terms of how it would sound and how here for it he is, urging her with his eyes to say his name like she did when she was practically gargling said spit and drowning herself because he’s too stunned to speak, uncharacteristically speechless at everything that’s just occurred, for all of a second though because he’s CRYING OUT very dramatically into her mouth when she pulls him to a kiss and being able to taste himself is a further reminder that it’s real and she truly did just swallow his jizz so ferally, his tongue following the same path his dick just did so insistently without even realising that’s what he’s trying to do into this kiss, clinging to her being the only reason he hasn’t fully slumped to the floor on his back and smacked his head (such seizure foreshadowing energy) with how dead he feels rn] 

Sylvie: [mhmm, it tracks, y’all can snuggle like you did in the sims, it will be very cute, not at all a headfuck when you look back on this lollollol, oh divas, you are not prepared for the drama that we’re about to throw at you, stay in this moment forever, only saying his name once he’s shoving his tongue down her throat, because of course, got to continue to have fun and be feral about it, even though you’re getting soft and cuddly, throwing her arms around him to pull him into her tight because trying to communicate just how much you loved that/love him lbr]

Jake: [I think at most, if we’re feeling kind we should say they wake up with enough time that he can clean up the living room (and relive their gallery wall antics like we said) and she can snoop around his room or wherever else she may want to while he is before she’s gotta go, but definitely not give you time to get up to any more acts of heathenry, but yeah, of course she’s saying his name then and only then, iconic, which spurs him on to likewise have a little fun of his own by mischievously smiling at her before asking her how many of his babies she just swallowed, one of the few English phrases he’s uttered for the camera because it’s mostly Hebrew and a bit of French at the beginning when he told her to smile etc, doing the hottest of hot lols and the flirtiest hairflip (which is also necessary because the whurls are insane and stuck to his sweaty face) before reaching for his phone to turn the camera off, sending this video to her immediately, as I promised, and then wrapping his arms around her even tighter than she did him, giving the BIGGEST yet softest hug]

Sylvie: [that makes sense, we can say that’s the vibe, for sure, this girl loves to see this boy making jokes like that, the shock is only slightly genuine because still not used to him being like this, but the mouth open gasp is overexaggeration that turns into a big grin as she pins him to the floor in a ‘I can’t believe you’ve done this’ move, ending up snuggled here on whatever rug y’all find yourselves on, so much being unsaid as she looks into his eyes, pushing his hair out of his face, playing with it when she does, remembering, suddenly, that she said she’d compare notes with him, so telling him what she thinks his cum tastes like, and where she agrees/disagrees with what he said ‘and that was okay?’ asking softly, suddenly interested in adjusting her minimal clothing to look busy]

Jake: [letting her pin him to the floor because the exhaustion be hitting hard now that the horniness has been dealt with, his eyes are so sleepy when she looks into them, I know it, rubbing them again by nuzzling into her after she’s played with his hair, listening to her heartbeat and what she’s telling him like they’re the lyrics that go with that melody, smiling genuinely at whatever hot takes she’s dropping here like it’s a bop, lifting his head though to LOOK at her when she asks her question, shaking his head because okay is not correct, reaching and rummaging in the trunk to find the sacred baby blanket he was wrapped in as a newborn and wrapping it around her, as much as possible, idk how big it is, I can’t remember how big the baby blanket my nan knitted was, but even if it’s only around her shoulders it’s still an adorable gesture and a vibe ‘not okay, no’ said as softly, in French, while his eyes are once again screaming how incredible it was, so there’s no doubt whatsoever]

Sylvie: [holding him to her chest because he’s a sleepy boy, but remembering how wet her shirt is, so that’s not very comfortable, this coinciding perfectly with the baby blanket gesture, so she can take her vest off and put that there and let him lay his head against it ‘good’ almost a whisper, but a confident tone to it, like that’s settled ‘I’ll let you sleep before I try again then’]

Jake: [he’s supposed to be nuzzling into the blanket but I see him lowkey pushing it aside with his head and nuzzling into her bare skin instead, doing a happy (and sleepy) noise at the proper skin to skin contact as he writes his famous Tb1 good girl code on her by blowing on said skin and then using a fingertip like she’s another mirror, because exactly, SHE’S good and she is a mirror ‘like this’ not a question, because they simply have to sleep skin to skin with each other, he has decided lol, titty time 5ever, I couldn’t agree more sir, adding her version of please in French text speak by writing it with his tongue, to say please about these sleeping arrangements, but also to heavily imply that after they’ve slept it’s his turn to do oral on her again, soz diva that won’t be happening but you have no way to know that atm]

Sylvie: [calling him a fussy baby like he’s a wriggler who won’t stay covered up but also shivering at the skin-to-skin contact and making sure he stays exactly where he is because of course this is what you want too, no begging required ‘we should probably go to your room, though’ because imagine if his sister or mum came home and there was this gal lying on the floor in her pantaloons only, you may be feeling shameless but that isn’t an ideal first impression, doing a lil hot lol at the idea, as well as his tongue tickling her]

Jake: [reacting like the fussiest baby aka grumpy baby Junie with such an iconic but real pout even though she’s spitting facts and he’s well aware she is, I fear though he’s so sleepy that the concept of climbing the stairs feels impossible, trying to stall by giving her soft little kisses all over her exposed skin but when he was about to join in with her infectious lol and yawns instead, he knows he can’t, taking the blanket off her and throwing it back in the trunk and gesturing for her to help him up, sincerely because he do be that tired, it’s the level of when you feel drunk almost]

Sylvie: [brushing her thumb against his pouty lip because make yourself look even more adorable, why don’t you, tilting her head back to expose even more skin because it does feel good and thus very tempting to just stay here and kiss and touch each other until you crash, running her fingers up his spine and kissing the top of his head with a sigh, her own pout when he snatches that blanket back like oh, so fickle ‘that’s all the time I get?’ amused, pretending she’s not going to help him up when she ignores his gesture as she gets up, but obviously helping him once she’s fully on her feet]

Jake: [the temptation is too real but get to his room, I say, you can’t be risking it all scutting up that baby blanket when you’re both this covered in lipstick and spit and sweat, and lest we forget loads of his baby pics are all over his floor as he told her earlier in the convo so that treat will be awaiting you when you do, which is nice because y’all only got as far as the walls not the albums, anyway, here and now reminding her of earlier when he said he’d be her blankie in baby speak by repeating it, smiling at her and kissing her on the forehead when she helps him up, having to fully lean on her like a drunk when they head towards the stairs]

Sylvie: [‘we’ll see how sleepy that makes me’ because too hot, but we will let y’all sleep and we will end this with y’all making your way up the stairs to his bed because I should still be able to post this in one piece, hooray]

[punkscowardschampions]

Sylke pt.1

Sylvie: [okay, so, he is NOT coming to pick her up for school in the AM, which is so mortifying and upsetting because you definitely waited long enough to be late for school yourself, then you’re going to see he hasn’t come in at all whenever you get to your first class that should be with him, which we can say is your second lesson, so, despite being afeared that he’s off because of your argument moment, messaging then]

Sylvie: Bjr [to match his bsr from before]

Sylvie: Have you still got that headache?

Jake: RE [hi again]

Jake: You woke me up

Jake: Wait… What time is it?

Sylvie: My bad, you must really need the sleep if you were still sound at [whatever o’clock this is]

Jake: Seriously? [this o clock, that has him gagged]?

Jake: I couldn’t last night, but still

Sylvie: I did think it was unlikely you were skipping because you forgot the homework

Sylvie: You could’ve talked to me, when you couldn’t sleep…

Jake: And said…? I’m as in the dark about why our conversation flipped how it did as I was yesterday

Sylvie: I’m not saying you had to

Sylvie: and you didn’t, so whatever

Sylvie: I just wanted to check you were okay

Jake: Thanks for checking in

Sylvie: I know you’re still half asleep, but you haven’t actually answered my question

Jake: Huh?

Sylvie: Jake, take a second

Sylvie: you seem really confused

Jake: I’m shocked I’m late for school; that’s never happened to me before

Sylvie: I can tell

Sylvie: What time did you finally get to sleep?

Jake: Jsp [I don’t know]

Jake: Fate got tempted the second I dropped that line kidding; my mom is absolutely going to kill me now

Sylvie: Does her shift end before you’re meant to be home?

Sylvie: If not, I’d enjoy a day off, if I were you, you’ve missed half already, even if you rushed to get in now

Jake: I guess you’re right

Sylvie: Don’t sound so surprised

Sylvie: [French] Know-it-all, remember?

Jake: Remembering how we left stuff, I might’ve read you wrong

Jake: Unless you’re claiming you saw it all coming

Sylvie: It was a long day, for both of us

Sylvie: it doesn’t need to be a big thing

Jake: CPG [cos he always says it’s no big deal sassily like this when she’s trying to downplay something he thinks is]

Sylvie: Well, does it have to be?

Jake: It clearly wasn’t for you; I’m the only one losing sleep

Sylvie: Just because I managed to make it to class

Sylvie: You haven’t asked, I waited for you to show, for too damn long

Jake: I would’ve shown; I didn’t just forget

Jake: Or ghost you

Sylvie: You can say that now

Jake: I’m sick

Sylvie: And I’m not your mom, or the school’s receptionist

Sylvie: you don’t need to give me your excuse

Jake: Cool, you’re accusing me of being a liar, on top of ditching you

Sylvie: You would’ve come, when you were still this mad at me?

Jake: Oue [because it’s never casual and he absolutely would, even if just to have another argument irl lol]

Sylvie: Then I’ll accuse you of being a total fuckboy, if you could enjoy a blowjob under these conditions, like

Sylvie: That was a joke

Jake: You brought up hate sex first

Jake: And the joke wasn’t funny then either, by the way

Sylvie: Why do you want to argue?

Sylvie: You don’t feel well

Jake: I don’t

Jake: x2

Sylvie: Your world's been turned upside down

Sylvie: of course you feel like shit

Sylvie: I haven’t seen her yet today, I don’t know if she’s in or not

Jake: She isn’t here, before you accuse me of harbouring her in another game-playing move next

Sylvie: I know she’s not there, come on

Jake: At least that’s something

Sylvie: You can’t go back to her, regardless of if you want to

Jake: Exactly, the dig doesn’t make sense

Sylvie: No, exactly, it’s a dig at me

Sylvie: that’s the only reason you’re not still together now, but I’m not allowed to have any feelings about that

Jake: There’s tons of reasons we aren’t together

Sylvie: Easy to say now, again

Sylvie: but you were until Bobby told you 

Jake: Because I’m not saying there weren’t also a bunch of reasons we stayed together

Jake: It’d be even easier to totally rewrite our history after everything Bobby told me; I’ve got no interest in doing that though

Sylvie: You said you wished it were me yesterday

Jake: I do, but wishing won’t help

Sylvie: You backtrack, and make me feel like a bitch for pointing that out

Jake: You basically ordered me to process; I’m trying

Jake: I’m sorry if this is what it looks like, acknowledgement of my ex as a real person, instead of blindly vilifying Mona to make myself feel better

Sylvie: I don’t give a fuck about her, and I don’t have to

Sylvie: she has got you in love with being in the wrong and apologising, genuinely, why are you here making yourself the villain when she’s provably a massive cunt?

Jake: Why are swear words half your word count when you don’t care?

Sylvie: About her

Sylvie: I have no interest in her, none, and you bring her up all the fucking time

Jake: You knew she existed the whole time

Sylvie: So? I have to listen to you flagellate yourself for cheating on her the whole time, when she was actively trying to do the same, but she sucks at flirting

Jake: You don’t have to hear me out on any subject, Sylvie

Jake: Nobody’s forcing you

Sylvie: You think I should though

Sylvie: As if you’d be able to listen to me talk about how much I love someone else, you hypocrite

Jake: You should be willing to meet me where I’m at, without a blowjob being the solo incentive 

Sylvie: No, you were right at the gig

Sylvie: this should have never moved beyond physical attraction

Jake: Your turn to backtrack, go ahead

Sylvie: No, Jake, that’s all you were in any position to ever offer

Sylvie: now you’ve made promises that you can’t keep

Jake: I can keep them; you’re putting me in a position where I can’t catch a break

Sylvie: Just say you honestly intended to

Sylvie: that means something

Jake: No need to ask about your use of past tense 

Jake: How long did you give me before deciding I wasn’t ever coming?

Sylvie: How long was I meant to sit by the door waiting?

Jake: [First use of French that isn’t text speak] Forever

Sylvie: [French] And you weren’t meant to be like them

Jake: You weren’t supposed to make comparisons, because I’m not

Sylvie: That isn’t how it feels

Jake: Do you think I feel good about it?

Sylvie: I don’t know how you feel

Jake: Really?

Sylvie: Of course really

Sylvie: I’m so confused

Jake: [the French ditto]

Jake: But never over my feelings for you

Sylvie: I can’t be a constant, not for anyone

Sylvie: how would I know where to start?

Jake: Everyone starts at the beginning

Sylvie: Some people have a head start 

Jake: I haven’t been a constant for you; we’re keeping up the same stumbling pace with each other

Sylvie: It’s too much to expect

Sylvie: my own parents aren’t interested; why would you be

Jake: Keske…? [for what is, but more so for the refs]

Jake: Your parents suck; that’s a reflection on them, not you

Sylvie: My dad doesn’t; he’s busy

Jake: Hold me to whatever expectations you’ve got

Jake: Please

Sylvie: I didn’t think I had any

Sylvie: as you pointed out, I knew you weren’t single

Jake: You know I don’t want to be; I asked you out

Sylvie: I already let you cheat with me, now rebound too…

Jake: How else can I spell out how much I want you, more than physically?

Sylvie: I did say you were conflicted, not a liar

Sylvie: [French] And I suppose it’s not a crime

Jake: Let me prove myself

Jake: [French] It’s a crime you have any doubts

Sylvie: D’ac [okay]

Jake: X…? [no explanation needed]

Sylvie: X

Sylvie: OKLM [calm down, but said to mean I’ll calm down]

Jake: Nn [to mean that he doesn’t want her to, ever, because he loves how !! she is about everything in every way]

Sylvie: I felt like dying when you didn’t show up

Sylvie: if you want the opposite of calming down

Jake: I figured my phone was alerting me to the fact neither of us successfully switched our brains off, soon as I worked out your messages didn’t send in the early hours, meaning I’d overslept and stood you up, I could’ve died too

Sylvie: I couldn’t sleep

Sylvie: You were meant to be

Jake: [in French ‘did you get the texts I almost sent?’ Because of what she has said about feeling him before even when he’s not there]

Sylvie: I don’t trust the signal 

Sylvie: [French] or the current state of my head not to lie to me, so you tell me now instead 

Jake: The current state of my head is the problem; I understand you finding me hard to trust

Sylvie: Trust feels like the wrong word, somehow

Sylvie: it’s not your intention when you’re saying the things you say that I’m doubting

Jake: Loads of my words seem like the wrong ones

Sylvie: I’m sorry you feel so shitty

Sylvie: I wish I were helping

Jake: You are

Jake: Believe it or not, without you I’d feel worse

Jake: And no doubt acting more messed up

Sylvie: S’a sorry state of affairs, to be sure

Sylvie: but having a hoe phase isn’t a crime, if you wanna go for it

Jake: Moving on from you to someone else is the literal last thing I want

Sylvie: Okay, what do you want? Let’s start there

Sylvie: though, let’s really start with some electrolytes and painkillers, by the sounds of it

Jake: [French] I want you to leave school and meet me here

Sylvie: VrMan? [really?]

Jake: Tds [right away]

Sylvie: Ab1 [see you soon]

Jake: [tell her how many times alone you nearly sent y’all’s French ‘I miss you’ as a message, giving an insane number but also a feelsy one to y’all somehow, relating to the length of the song she wrote or something within it, like how many times she repeated her line] 

Sylvie: It felt like I’d never spent a night without you, when the opposite is true

Jake: It felt like the longest of my life

Sylvie: I know I fell asleep at some point, but waking up felt like I’d only just shut my eyes

Jake: Did you dream?

Sylvie: In a sense

Sylvie: you dream nightmares, I suppose

Sylvie: é twa? [and you?]

Jake: [tell her about the vivid nightmare you remember (probably because she woke you from it) because ofc you were having them too, it’s giving at their OG party when he said they were the last 2 peeps standing after some horrific climate disaster, cos I will steal that, oh the foreshadowing of impending disaster lol lol, but more in depth of an explanation and with weirder details how dreams are]

Jake: é twa? [because he wants to hear what hers were about, obvs]

Sylvie: How do you manage to be conscientious, even in your nightmares? 

Sylvie: Mine was just… weird; we were all in his loft

Jake: Me, you and Bobby? 

Sylvie: And Mona, yeah

Jake: Oof

Jake: No wonder you woke up on time for school; I’d abandon my ideals and fight to end that scenario ASAP

Sylvie: Not what I woke up for 

Sylvie: but yeah, I was undoubtedly having the worst time out of us all

Jake: You should’ve knocked, even if you ran straight after

Jake: Forced me out of bed

Sylvie: Force really isn't a word I’m trying to apply to the scenario, tah very much 

Jake: The alternative is bad for my health

Jake: I’m not above admitting I believe I’m sick because we’re apart

Sylvie: You’re blaming me?

Sylvie: Cho [hot]

Jake: You can fix me

Sylvie: It’s only fair

Sylvie: you did the same for me yesterday

Jake: [French] I don’t feel like I’m in my body because it isn’t mine

Sylvie: I’ll bring you back to me

Sylvie: [French] Don’t worry, I’m on my way

Jake: Your proximity is the headache cure, no offense [whatever she suggested the night before]

Sylvie: It didn’t work, damn

Sylvie: Is there anything else you want me to bring you? Aside from myself

Jake: [whatever she said her fave niche cinema snack was, just because it’s something he knows now she likes]

Sylvie: You don’t have to bribe me to stay

Sylvie: [whatever lesson you’re now ditching] was never competition, even if all we did was argue again

Jake: They’re for me

Sylvie: Oh, so you do wanna fight

Jake: You’re hoping I faint?

Sylvie: No, if I really want to stare at you uninterrupted, I’ll make you fall asleep fair and square 

Jake: I can’t promise I won’t, unfair to you as that is

Sylvie: It doesn’t matter

Sylvie: I meant it, I don’t want you to feel like shit, the rest can wait

Jake: So long as you’re waiting when I open my eyes again, nothing else matters

Sylvie: [French] There’s nowhere else I’d wanna be

Jake: [French] Paris doesn’t have to know you said that

Sylvie: You’ll be too busy resting to tell on me

Jake: Whatever my sleep talking sounds like, it’s myself I’m going to be telling on

Sylvie: I’ll not hold it against you

Sylvie: probably in the medical code of conduct, if I take my job seriously 

Jake: You’ll be too distracted by how I’m holding you against me

Sylvie: That sounds like exactly what we both need

Jake: One of us needs to be selfish, or we’ll be straight back in a non-talking stage

Sylvie: I need to talk to you

Sylvie: no matter what, I want to get better, and it’s like the text speak, you’re the only one who speaks my language 

Jake: I nearly called you [an even more insane number of times] to hear your voice, but mine kept breaking

Sylvie: There’s no point I could make that’s more important or worth being taken away from you

Sylvie: you felt oceans away, not streets

Jake: I was

Jake: I could’ve, and should’ve, done more to swim across the divide

Sylvie: I was being crazy

Sylvie: you can’t be expected to follow me off the tracks 

Jake: [French] Why can’t I? I’d follow you anywhere

Sylvie: [French] We can stay lost for today, no one needs us ‘til later

Jake: It’s too late for me to deal with losing you; you’re too important

Sylvie: You’re not losing me, Jake

Jake: Even in my crazy post-apocalyptic dreams we’re stuck together

Sylvie: I want super glue, or a sewing needle

Jake: My sister’s room has both, double down

Sylvie: She’d surely not appreciate my DIY surgery, but

Sylvie: I need it to be an impossibility, being split up

Jake: She isn’t around to object, thankfully

Sylvie: No one is, just us and your bed, all day

Jake: Just my baby pictures watching you watch me sleep, or your unspeakably bad behaviour

Sylvie: I can never get rid of you if I admit that I want to touch myself whilst looking at those pictures

Sylvie: if I speak every unspeakable thought I ever have to you 

Jake: They’re all over my floor

Jake: I thought picking a favourite would get us closer again, something to break the ice and fill the silence

Jake: [French] Lie on them, I’ll touch you

Sylvie: We’ll pick together, see if we can agree first try

Sylvie: [French] I’m looking after you, remember

Jake: I bet I can guess yours from your reaction first try

Jake: [French] It’ll make me feel better

Sylvie: You’ve always been able to read me

Sylvie: [French] Just hold me close and dream about me; that’s all you need 

Jake: [French, using the baby speak] And you need a long nap

Sylvie: Oue [because YEAH]

Jake: [French, also using baby speak] With me as your blankie, your teddy bear

Sylvie: [French, baby speak] It hurts

Jake: [soothing her how a parent would by being like don’t worry it’s only small, using petit bobo, obvs, the baby talk 5ever]

Sylvie: [still baby talk] Be my bottle 

Jake: [also still baby talk] You want milk or a dummy?

Sylvie: Both

Jake: What’s the magic word?

Sylvie: [French] I miss you, papa

Jake: [reply with a term of endearment that’s very very baby coded you haven’t called her yet]

Sylvie: Feeling insane about you is what feels normal

Sylvie: everything else is so foreign now

Jake: In this house we support women’s rights and wrongs

Jake: It’s a safe space, you can rest easy [+ calling her sleepy girl/sleepyhead something like that in French baby speak] 

Sylvie: Safe like no one will barge in if I stay?

Jake: Until [whatever o clock your mother or sister are due back, whoever’s earliest, but it’s still giving ages from now, like dinner time vibes]

Sylvie: Yeah, but do they knock?

Sylvie: because I could stay longer, stay in your room

Jake: They’re big on respecting boundaries and privacy, unless we’re having a heated debate during dinner

Sylvie: I’ll leave that to you

Sylvie: try not to rub it in how comfy I am still in bed

Jake: Lost your appetite? 

Sylvie: Saving you from making awkward introductions

Jake: Sparing yourself the awkward labels, you mean

Sylvie: No, definitely you

Sylvie: you’re not up to an interrogation 

Jake: Been there, done that

Jake: Don’t worry, I kept your name and every nickname out of it

Sylvie: You didn’t say

Sylvie: How’d it go?

Jake: We weren’t on speaking terms by that point

Sylvie: We’ve been talking for [saying it in minutes to sound peak unhinged lol]

Jake: I don’t really remember how it went; I was pretty zoned out

Sylvie: Understandable

Sylvie: you weren’t sectioned, it must’ve gone okay

Jake: They mostly discussed whether Mona needs to be, I’m assuming

Sylvie: It’s not gonna happen, whatever the consensus 

Jake: Her mother has a wildly different interpretation of parenting than mine

Sylvie: Right, and they have a different interpretation of mentally ill

Jake: Their generational trauma is deep-rooted, and my mom’s say-so isn’t about to be the catalyst for addressing it

Sylvie: Pretty much

Sylvie: they must be used to you two breaking up at this point, not trying to be a bitch, but they shouldn’t still be blown away by it

Jake: They aren’t

Jake: I opened the floodgates, and the dinner-table forum, when I went to my mom for advice

Sylvie: Rookie error 

Sylvie: you were freaking, can’t blame you

Jake: I’ve only got myself to blame for lacking the common sense to unsend them while they were unread, post-freakout

Sylvie: By that point, I’d distracted you with my own drama

Sylvie: they’ll get over it, or just talk about it amongst themselves when they realise you don’t want to participate 

Jake: It is what it is, something else I can’t undo 

Sylvie: Hey

Jake: Amount I messed up yesterday, where I’d put that on the list, is anybody’s guess

Sylvie: Sounds like a list you shouldn’t bother making

Jake: Probably not

Sylvie: We can talk about it

Sylvie: but I meant it when I said there wasn’t a rush

Jake: Me too, about you feeling pressured

Jake: I wasn’t asking you to hold my hand through every family meal from now on

Sylvie: Doesn’t sound awful

Sylvie: too bad you’re not asking

Jake: Sounds tempting, the idea of holding your hand always is

Jake: But it’s cool, proper intros will wait until you’re ready

Sylvie: I have all the faith in your creative talent and way with words

Jake: Back at you

Sylvie: You’ve got lots of friends; they can’t all get dinner table introductions 

Jake: Lots aren’t special enough

Sylvie: Special friend… no, I don’t think I like that label enough

Sylvie: [French] you can do better than that 

Jake: [French] Of course I can, but what would you like me to call you?

Sylvie: I like when you get inventive

Sylvie: that’s a list worth making, I will

Jake: I like you

Jake: You’re worth every expression of it that comes to mind or takes over my body

Sylvie: Turns out I like you too

Jake: AC2N? [no more hate? More playfully than that suggests lol, because he still has his lovebite from when she was ‘mad’ at him]

Sylvie: Much as you’d probably love it for me to kick you whilst you’re down

Sylvie: tt lmr [all love]

Jake: Hey, I’m up

Jake: ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹?

Sylvie: Not for long, sleepyhead

Jake: [French] I don’t want to sleep, not yet/no more [being deliberately vague which it is, because both and because they use encore for so many things]

Sylvie: [French] You need to see me first

Jake: [French] There’s a rush this time, hurry up

Sylvie: Ask nicely

Sylvie: bold to assume you’re that forgiven yet

Jake: Svp!!! [please, her version of, plus 3 !!! for the 3 hearts and 3 xs that he do]

Sylvie: 🤔🤔🤔

Jake: [his 3 fave nicknames out of everything he’s ever called her in French as a term of endearment so far, there’s so many I can’t even remember but he can and he will, a French please before each 1 and sorry after, so there’s 3 of them too]

Sylvie: Me too

Sylvie: for the time wasted before 

Jake: [cheekily one-upping her by typing ‘you’re forgiven’ hehe, in English this time]

Sylvie: So smug, of course you couldn’t wait to graciously accept my apology

Jake: You graciously accepted my invitation; it’s the least I can do

Sylvie: I want the house tour

Sylvie: and I did forget the homework

Jake: If I’d done homework since we met, you could copy mine

Sylvie: I can’t believe it

Sylvie: bad influence, is what they’ll call me

Jake: When the teachers get antsy, I’ll hand in my sketch of you, buy myself an extension

Sylvie: You don’t take art, do you?

Sylvie: You could

Jake: [the art teacher by name] isn’t plugged into whatever frequency you think my followers run on

Sylvie: Why the hell not? Rude

Jake: [tell her about a run-in you had when you were doing a play in the theatre kid days because ofc they were involved with the sets and costumes and stuff and you’re entitled and opinionated when you talk to adults lol and always have been from a v young age]

Sylvie: I see

Sylvie: you couldn’t let your talent speak for itself

Jake: I wasn’t going to let my acting talent be overshadowed by [whatever set design or costume choice you questioned]

Sylvie: God, don’t make me turn around

Jake: Don’t pretend it’s a turn-off 

Jake: [French] I know you better than that

Sylvie: [French] You know best

Jake: When you watch [this play, because his mum has recorded them all as he said], you’ll agree with me

Sylvie: There’s no kissing, is there?

Jake: [tell her which ones there are kissing in, which is giving, like your last one or couple of ones before you stopped doing it (which in my head and heart is part of the reason you did because you’re too much of a romantic to wanna be faking that) aka more recent and when you were older than this, so the teacher isn’t getting nonce allegations too hardcore]

Sylvie: I’ll cover my eyes 

Jake: Close your eyes and kiss me

Sylvie: You can tell me it’s just acting

Jake: You’ll be able to tell it’s not

Sylvie: Promise?

Jake: Maybe if I’d put on an act with you, the timing of us wouldn’t be this messed up, but around you, I can’t be anybody except my authentic self

Jake: Sometimes toxic, jealous, passive-aggressive, smug, frustrated, obsessed, name the red flag, I’ve waved it

Sylvie: How long are you supposed to wait, there isn’t a timeline to follow

Sylvie: you wanted me too, aside from the rest of what was going on

Jake: I want you, whatever happens 

Sylvie: I’m not going to apologise for the timing 

Sylvie: just to say it should’ve happened sooner

Jake: I’m done apologising to other people, they’re just for you

Sylvie: 🚩🚩🚩

Sylvie: Stay obsessed 

Jake: Stay in my bed

Sylvie: Tjs? [forever?]

Jake: NMLJ [for ‘ne me lâche jamais’ which literally means never let go of me, but they use in a slangy way for never leave me when you’re being extra in relationships, which he is lol, catch him repeating the French underneath so there’s NO confusion what he means]

Sylvie: I’m only making promises to you

Jake: [borrowing from gig night, for the throwback, when he says ‘who else matters?’ this time in English because OG it was French, he was lowkey joking then but this time it’s serious ™ ]

Sylvie: Let me see your face when you ask

Jake: [send her a series of artsy selfies rn immediately even though you’ll for sure ask her again face to face, tis a shameless excuse to take pictures in close up of every individual part of your face while you wait for her]

Sylvie: [doing more artsy defacing by writing ‘no one’ over this picture until you can barely see him/make out the letters from one another, picking out colours from said selfie again]

Jake: [repeat it in French, because you couldn’t agree more and it bears repeating]

Sylvie: [do a French version, like an alternative album cover]

Sylvie: If I post my stuff using French, maybe [naming French promoters/gigs/DJs/clubs, you know the vibe, music-related shenanigans] will see it, invite me out

Jake: [join in naming even more aspirational French music peeps because you think she’s that good, like before when he said she’d DJ somewhere really slay, being so genuine about these bands etc even though it sounds like a fantasy] will steal you to collab

Sylvie: Whilst you’re playing [and do the same for him with appropriate peeps and venues]

Jake: [send her your insane attempts at song writing when you couldn’t sleep last night like lol I better work harder cos it’s truly giving when people write down their dreams half asleep and it’s just nonsense in their notes app, that exact energy]

Sylvie: That reminds me of when I got sunstroke when we were in [whatever holiday as a bub]

Jake: [telling her that if he manages to make any kind of song out of that nonsense, he’ll name it sunstroke in French, which I think is insolation, don’t quote me, and then whatever holiday location she said, and the date of said holiday in brackets, because he always needs some haha]

Sylvie: [tell him some of your baby nonsense because it’s giving baby talk realness with some out-there lines you’d only get past childhood if you were high lol, like see if you can use any of that]

Jake: [lowkey order her to say them all again as a voice note so he can also shamelessly use that, which we know he will, but also showing her that he’s already IMMEDIATELY written some kind of lyric down from what she told him, which is how we know he’s feeling better thanks to her]

Sylvie: [do it, ofc, adding more as you remember it because you probably haven’t thought about this for ages, but you’re also #inspired by this dream/nonsense stream of consciousness vibe]

Sylvie: [so highlighting a line that would be really good repeated in the way you like to in the notes he wrote last night]

Jake: [asking her what #content she has from this hol because that’s a potential music video and album cover right there and nothing inspires him more than her as a bub, we know, sharing all his THOUGHTS about all the artsy things they could do with said content that isn’t just a wedding or funeral style cheesy montage like she’s his movie dead wife]

Sylvie: Oh, there’ll be tons

Sylvie: I had the same nanny my whole childhood, and she was big on capturing everything, for my daddy, and I’m sure we’d have been out there for a match or something

Jake: Where’s she now?

Sylvie: I still talk to her, but it got weird, for the both of us

Sylvie: I dunno, she probably wanted to look after kids who really needed her again; she’s with a new family in [it’s giving far away/potentially another country]

Jake: We’ll send her a postcard from Paris, reassuring her how well I’m taking care of you

Sylvie: She has asked how I’m settling in here

Sylvie: I’m glad I put off replying 

Jake: Are you going to tell your surrogate mother figure about me?

Sylvie: I can hear just how smug that makes you feel

Jake: Imagine how you’d feel after hearing I’ve told my whole family about you

Sylvie: What did you say?

Jake: I know I’m supposed to wait for the dust to settle

Jake: I couldn’t resist mentioning that there’s someone, something, though

Sylvie: Did they tell you you’re a hopeless romantic? 

Jake: I’m glad I didn’t go into much further detail

Sylvie: Yeah?

Jake: From your POV, I’m hopelessly babied, actually; they’re my harshest critics

Sylvie: Because you’re the baby, to be protected from his own stupid decisions most of all

Jake: [French] Choosing you isn’t a stupid decision

Sylvie: You don’t care if it is

Sylvie: no one’s perception can change what you want

Jake: I’m entitled to my own opinion, if they are

Sylvie: Side chick, rebound, desperate 

Sylvie: anyone can call me anything, they don’t matter

Jake: [call her 3 more 1 word terms of endearment to cancel those negative words out, it’s giving pearl, angel, those vibes]

Jake: I do know best; they don’t have all the information

Sylvie: And they’ll like me when they see how happy I can make you

Sylvie: give them time

Jake: How happy you already make me hasn’t gone unnoticed

Sylvie: Whoops

Sylvie: do I bring two pairs of headphones or one ball gag?

Jake: You can’t request [the corner shop man he befriended when he played this gal’s track, because that’s the shop he’s assuming she’s hitting for his snacks lol] stocks a bondage range

Sylvie: I could if I asked very nicely

Sylvie: once I’ve confirmed he’s a true fan, like

Jake: I hate ‘confirming he’s a true fan’ in that context

Sylvie: You’re jealous of [naming this man like he’s their close personal friend]?

Jake: I will be if you’re very nice to him

Sylvie: Well, he is supportive of my art

Jake: Your art I showed him, art which I inspired

Sylvie: My art about how you dumped me, yeah

Jake: An oversimplification to avoid an overshare would be more valid in a situation where you hadn’t led with sex toys

Sylvie: Come on, it’s poetic that I’m silencing your side of the story, in this scenario

Jake: Be poetry in motion, in the legit scenario where I’m home alone

Sylvie: And I was the only one awake, when I was waiting for you

Jake: How long’s too damn long? You didn’t say

Sylvie: As long as I’m making you wait now

Sylvie: I missed [however much] of first lesson

Jake: [working out exactly how long that is from the time they agreed to meet and writing it here because they both need to see it in black and white to let it really hit]

Sylvie: I felt so

Sylvie: a huge part of me felt guilty for giving up, even though you were the one who no-showed

Jake: [telling her what she could’ve done in this time because it’s really gaggy she waited so long, like you could’ve watched such and such a french film this many times or listened to a specific album, and combos therein of different stuff in that vein, or travelled to such and a cool kid venue, and back or whatever, we know the vibes, then relating it to Paris and how long that takes etc like !! as it occurs to him]

Jake: That’s the length your first DJ set has to be, warn [corner shop man, her biggest fan lol]

Sylvie: [French] Called ‘Anticipation’ 

Sylvie: because I couldn’t do anything else, actually

Jake: JC [because I know and his name]

Sylvie: Is it bad, if I liked it

Jake: Honestly, part of me likes picturing you frozen there, while the conflicting half hates I did that to you

Sylvie: Exactly

Sylvie: like I let the sensible part of me stand up and have a backbone about it

Sylvie: but there’s still part of me getting in a worse and worse state on the floor for you

Jake: [French] Remember when you asked me if I liked that we were cheating? Part of me loved it

Sylvie: [French] There’s something about wanting and behaving in a way that only benefits us and actively does the opposite for everyone else

Jake: You’re so beautiful, nothing I do that ends up making you smile feels ugly

Jake: C 1posibl [it’s impossible]

Sylvie: I think it can be beautiful

Sylvie: wanting each other so badly that everything else is irrelevant

Sylvie: I would want you if you were single or married with kids; there are no circumstances that could impact it

Jake: I’d want you aged 83 years old, same as if I met you at [however old she is in the baby photo he has], having to constantly talk my way out of being arrested for how illegal our attraction is

Sylvie: Yes

Sylvie: it feels like proving myself to you, like dedication

Sylvie: every time you touch me somewhere you’re not meant to, another person sees, the worse it is

Jake: Whenever I put my hands on you, and it’s rougher than I was brought up to, how often I swear because of something you said, what you did

Sylvie: I love making you worse

Sylvie: I get to be as bad as I want to be, too

Jake: I get to be real, with everyone else, I’m a caricature, playing some performative role

Sylvie: I really like who you are

Sylvie: [French] I worship him

Jake: [French] Prove that to me

Sylvie: [send him a picture of the aisles in this corner shop because with your timing of making him wait, you have finally arrived there]

Jake: [send her a lil vid back of you breathing on your bedroom mirror until it fogs up and writing Tb1 on it for good girl like you did in the bathroom]

Sylvie: The fruit selection isn’t inspiring enough to convince me it’ll keep you quiet

Jake: [suggesting fruits like do they have xyz or this, as if he’s making her jealous by talking about other girls lol, really just reminding her of all the practice he’s had, and the flashbacks, and everything she tastes better than though, we know it, being obnoxious af with these exotic fruit picks too like he’s still mad at the corner shop dude for her using him to make this boy jealous haha]

Sylvie: I could swing by [a market that would actually have this produce, but is clearly adding time to her journey and we know you don’t want that lol] for you

Jake: [sassily saying ‘could you?’ not because he wants her to but because he knows she doesn’t wanna wait any longer than she has to and already has either]

Sylvie: If that’s what you’re demanding of me now

Jake: I’m demanding [French blow job slang I don’t know but you would’ve looked up because y’all are nerds and obsessed by this]

Sylvie: Thank God

Jake: I am obsessed

Jake: With your mouth fulfilling its full potential above all 

Sylvie: Moi aussi

Sylvie: typically, my nightmares took a turn towards being dreams again, and I had just got down on my knees when my alarm woke me up

Jake: The untapped promise of you is usually what keeps me up at night

Jake: Play your alarm for me so I can keep in mind what my new most hated sound is 

Sylvie: You’ll sleep properly when it’s thoroughly tried and tested then?

Sylvie: [playing it in a way that makes it even more jarring and stress inducing because alarms already do too much but you gotta amp that up lmao]

Jake: [French] Today, tomorrow I’ll test you again

Sylvie: 🥰🥰🥰

Jake: 💋💋💋

Sylvie: [French] Just for you

Jake: Did you bring lipstick?

Sylvie: I’ve got some in my bag

Jake: Are you giving me a demo, or is the shade name ‘Anticipation’ too?

Sylvie: You’ll get your demo when you get me in front of you

Sylvie: and you’re begging for something else

Jake: [French] You’d apply lipstick for [this corner shop diva like LOL, if he asked you to, you’d put it on immediately], in front of him

Sylvie: [sending him a video where literally the first second is a moment of her starting to apply this lipstick with such intensity, focus and EYE CONTACT, before flipping to the other camera and covertly filming this man’s reaction whilst pretending she’s using her phone as a mirror, and he probably is looking at her (even if he’s not being at all a perv with it, bless lol) because she should be in school still and instead she is here]

Jake: [do some swearing, like you mentioned but a moment ago as something she drives you to do lol, in French, as if you’re just being equally convert and it’s for her eyes only to read/understand, because it’s more about slagging her off in a hot way that you’re both shamelessly into than it is anything to do with this poor man lbr, do the rule of 3 yet again, the words are giving whore and bitch energy (bitch because gotta remind her she is his type haha) and devil/bad girl to her earlier good girl and angel terms of endearment, being the most extra he has been to date with whatever he’s chosen]

Sylvie: Is that what I look like? 

Sylvie: I only let you talk to me like that, tell me the truth 

Jake: You look starved

Jake: Tell me the truth, am I the worst pet owner in the world?

Sylvie: We’re learning together

Sylvie: I’m not a good pet yet either

Jake: Leave fielding your neighbours’ noise complaints to me

Jake: They’ll cut your whining some slack once I explain you’re only a puppy and it’s my fault you were alone

Sylvie: It was uncharacteristically irresponsible from you

Sylvie: you’ll take great pleasure in explaining yourself though, so, back on form now

Jake: IOU, now I know how you feel

Sylvie: If I were really getting you to understand, I’d be offline, and you’d be alone with your thoughts

Sylvie: but close enough

Jake: Gt ir [I was yesterday]

Sylvie: [French] Which is why I thought you weren’t coming today

Jake: [French] It wasn’t nice of me to blame my headache on you

Sylvie: Not entirely untrue, even so

Jake: You’re not causing my stress

Sylvie: No, cause is a stretch

Sylvie: part of it, but you’re always down to blame yourself, so I wasn’t worried you properly meant that part

Jake: There wouldn’t be drama between us without other people between us, I’m who did that

Sylvie: She was there first, if we wanna be technical

Jake: On technicalities, we could’ve stayed broken up after our [the gig night] fight

Sylvie: Yeah

Sylvie: true

Jake: DSL [I’m sorry]

Sylvie: C oki [it’s okay]

Jake: Okay or fine?

Sylvie: It’s not what I wanted you to do

Sylvie: and it felt like shit, but if I couldn’t get over it, I’d have to get over you completely 

Jake: I couldn’t have left you standing by your front door intentionally

Sylvie: I just don’t get it, but that’s because I haven’t been in your position

Sylvie: there’s no ex, in or out of the picture

Jake: This wasn’t a position I expected to be in

Sylvie: I know

Sylvie: you’re not that rockstar cliché yet

Jake: You’re allowed to drop the ball

Jake: It’s not like we both took a Sharpie and agreed to sign up for what Mona’s done

Sylvie: [French] I feel pathetic, for not understanding, a level of needy that isn’t fun or cute

Jake: I feel delusional, for not immediately seeing through her

Jake: I still didn’t, even after I saw you

Sylvie: Deluded, you don’t get a say in being tricked

Sylvie: if we could, none of us would ever look dumb, but we’d be very bored and very lonely, probably

Jake: You don’t get one in how intense your feelings are; everybody would dial it down to fun and cute 24/7 given a choice

Jake: But we’d be limited to surface-level attraction

Sylvie: You’ve made me sound like a toddler with big feelings

Sylvie: but it’s true, and I’d still take the risk

Sylvie: it could’ve turned out worse, you could’ve completely rejected me

Jake: You are

Jake: [send her a lil vid of you giving a forehead kiss to her baby pic]

Sylvie: You’re bad for my health

Jake: [French] You’re worse for mine

Sylvie: [French] That’s right, blame me again…

Jake: Take your big feelings out on me again

Sylvie: Will you still be that cocky about it when yours is in my mouth?

Jake: Confidence is contagious, and I’ve watched you practise, you have every reason to be

Sylvie: I did my research instead of [this homework lmao]

Jake: It shows

Sylvie: [the teacher of this lesson] was never going to give me the type of praise you will

Jake: Crowds of [an insane number] at [her dream dj venue] are no competition

Sylvie: You still have to battle it out with [cornershop man] for number one fan

Jake: Okay, game on

Jake: May the best man win

Sylvie: You could be best man at our wedding

Jake: He’s a people person, I’m evolved enough to offer him a job at ours

Sylvie: Wow

Sylvie: demoted to catering 

Jake: Maybe he’d man the decks, while you’re busy

Jake: Such a loyal fan is bound to memorise the hits

Sylvie: What will I be busy doing?

Jake: [French] Dancing with me

Sylvie: I do like dancing with you

Jake: How many weddings have you been to?

Sylvie: Too many to count

Sylvie: There’s always a teammate getting hitched, sometimes the same one several times

Sylvie: What about you?

Jake: Might be a handful, provided I kept count

Sylvie: What are Jewish weddings like? Assuming there’s some in that count

Jake: [tell her, because idk enough info to confidently say but you’ve definitely been to at least one in the few weddings you’ve attended even if we’re not necessarily saying they’re the majority because you’re in a Jewish minority lol, you’ve got some tea you can spill, even if you had to go back to America for a family/mum’s long distance friend one (not in new york cos you haven’t been yet) or some other destination they live or chose to get married in, as well as telling her about your parents’ wedding, duh, because I know that video exists and you’ve watched it a lot, your mum is that bitch and so are you, compare and contrast who had the best jewish wedding and sprinkle in any traditions you think are cool that neither went for + some you think are silly boots and nobody should, etc etc, we know the vibes]

Sylvie: I already know you’re going to get the coolest customised yarmulke 

Sylvie: if that’s what you call yours, research only takes you so far

Jake: [tell her about the different ones you had as a kid because I’m reading about them like a nerd and in America kids have ones with like cartoon characters and shit on and Jewish schools are banning them left and right lol, so I just know your mum got you them with your faves on]

Sylvie: Just when I thought you couldn’t get any cuter

Sylvie: it actually pains me, like physically

Jake: [get your bar mitzvah one out to show her because it physically pains you that she didn’t get to attend and they’re usually inscribed on the inside with like the date or whatever idk, to keep as a memento, which you have close enough to hand in your room, defs model it as well haha]

Sylvie: 🥺

Sylvie: Can I be retroactively proud of you? Because I think that’s how I feel

Jake: [out here killing her on this day because he’s saved the best for last and it’s telling her about his special baby one which fastens adorably with 2 strings and newborns wear when they get circumcised, which I know your mother has kept so you’re promising to find that for her for when she gets there, one upping the baby pics because feels are indeed high as hell]

Sylvie: You can’t be serious

Sylvie: I’m so glad that the morning-after pill is in my system already, oh my God

Jake: [hitting her with a ‘grave’ because he’s very serious ™ and !! but we can pretend it’s casual and fun and French slang time]

Sylvie: M [of mdr, to just mean dying right here because TRULY]

Jake: ++++++++ [because she’s gonna be dying even harder very soon]

Sylvie: CG [for it’s serious/it’s a big deal]

Jake: Je le saV [for I knew it, because he did, that’s why they’ve been torturing each other with the oral of it all instead of risking it all in these streets many a time]

Sylvie: At least this way, it’s happening at yours

Jake: Where do you want me?

Sylvie: [French] You aren’t waiting for me at your front door?

Jake: [French] I had precious memories to show you first, but I will

Sylvie: You don’t need to stop, your mouth will be free to tell me more

Sylvie: I like hearing about it

Jake: I remember you haven’t heard my Torah portion yet, don’t let me forget owing that too

Sylvie: You want to see if you can get the whole way through

Jake: Try and stop me

Sylvie: [French] I will be trying my hardest

Jake: [do the breathing on the mirror and writing y’all’s good girl code on any and all mirrors he passes on his way from his bedroom to the front door, because I’m sure there’s at least one, bonus points if there’s multiple though because not at all casually just collecting every one in this house nbd]

Sylvie: I’m adding a heart, when we go up to your room

Sylvie: my own ‘Sylvie was here’ style mark

Jake: I hoped when I told you to bring lipstick, you’d leave your mark on more than just me 

Sylvie: Will I be invited back if I make a mess?

Jake: My room, my exclusive guest list 

Sylvie: Well, if I’m VIP I better act like it

Jake: X on your wrist gets you in

Sylvie: Your name gets me in

Jake: Anywhere on your body

Sylvie: On the tip of my tongue

Jake: [stealing her ‘you’re making my legs weak’ which she said word for word when he was drawing her and she was dancing for him, those shenanigans on that day, because real of how !! he is but also me sowing sick kid seeds because he’s now standing by the door instead of being in bed]

Sylvie: Sit down and wait for me

Sylvie: I’ve left the shop; I won’t be long, though you make it hard for me to walk too

Jake: [she can’t see it but I need everybody to know he’s sliding to the floor to sit exactly like he did at the venue, cinematically a perfect mirror image moment, which she’ll know and feel in her heart]

Jake: [once he is on the cold hard ground though, as something to do while he waits, reminding them both that thanks to her earring, his name (plus an insult) is scratched into her stomach just above her underwear, lest we forget because y’all have done so many feral things since, shamelessly implying that he wants her to flash anyone on these streets to show him what it’s looking like on this day, like she really does need his name branded to enter the gaff lol]