Just This Once: Part Five
Pairing: dbf!joel miller x f!reader
Chapter Summary: Joel surprises you for a weekend getaway with a less than ideal ending.
Chapter Warnings: language, age gap, smut (18+ MDNI), unprotected piv sex, rough sex, outdoor sex, spanking, discussions about hunting animals, so much fluff then boom! angst, they're catching feelings big time, alcohol consumption
WC: 12.5K
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four
"Where are we going?"
"Told you. It's a surprise."
You sigh dramatically behind your blindfold as Joel chuckles softly from the driver's seat of his truck.
He was never the type to come up with great, unique ways to impress a woman, and this time he felt was no exception. But he had a gut feeling you'd like what he had planned, even though it wasn't exactly fancy or exciting.
"Can I guess?" you ask, tilting your head blindly in his general direction.
Joel grins. "Go for it."
Out of the corner of his eye, he sees you tap your chin.
"Is it... another baseball game?"
Memories of the Longhorn game he took you to a couple weeks prior flash through his mind. It was so relaxing, finally being able to openly drape his arm around your shoulders and kiss you whenever he wanted. And you were so fucking adorable in his borrowed team shirt and the brand new hat he had bought you before finding your seats. When you leaned into his side to ask questions with your hand resting comfortably on his thigh, everything felt so real. So good. It was a feeling he found hard to let go of once the game was over and you had to go back to reality.
"Nope. Not another game."
You hum quietly in thought.
"Is it a yoga class?"
Joel tosses his head back and laughs.
"You know as well as I do I wouldn't last five minutes in a yoga class."
"I don't know... you're more flexible that you look," you giggle, "remember last week in the shower when you picked me up—"
"Alright, y'done?" he asks, cutting you off before you could tease him further.
"No! I'm still guessing!" you exclaim, cutely propping your hands on your hips with a little defiant scowl.
Joel rolls his eyes and smirks before taking a right down a gravel road.
"Whoa. It's bumpy," you say, grabbing onto the door to keep you steady.
"Yeah, almost there now."
"Are you taking me to church?"
Joel snorts and shakes his head. "Ain't enough holy water in the county to save you, darlin'."
"You should talk," you shoot right back.
He had hardly stopped smiling the entire drive. His fucking cheeks hurt. And the closer he got to your destination, the more nervous he became.
When Sarah asked him last week what he's been doing and who he's spending so much time with, he almost let it slip. It was like the words were just sitting right on the tip of his tongue, like they were desperate to get spoken, to become real. Yet, he held back. He knew he ought to talk to you about it first—about what you were—but he was fucking terrified of what it would mean.
He pushes a hand through his hair and exhales nervously when the familiar driveway appears.
"Alright," he grunts when he turns the wheel. You bite your bottom lip excitedly, fingers tapping restlessly against the top of your bare thighs as you wait for the go-ahead to remove the blindfold. He glances at you once he puts the truck into park, allowing himself just a few more selfish seconds to admire you without you seeing.
"Joel?"
"Hm?"
"Can I take it off? I gotta pee."
"Oh, right," he says, unbuckling his belt before reaching for your own. "Okay... go on."
You tear the blindfold off with the eagerness of a kid on Christmas, then drop it next to you on the seat before looking around. Confusion clouds your face for a second, like you're trying to place where you are, before giving up and turning to Joel.
"What is this? Where are we?"
Joel looks through the windshield at the small cabin tucked away on the edge of the woods.
"Used to be my old man's huntin' cabin," he explains, "used to bring me 'n Tommy up when we were younger. Spent alotta summers here."
"You're a hunter?" you ask, eyes still scanning the ancient, tall pine trees surrounding the cabin.
"Not so much anymore," he says, pushing open his door to slide out of his seat. He groans to himself when his feet hit the dirt, his knees and back already angry and stiff from the ride. You follow suit, walking slowly around the front of the cab, still taking everything in. There's a large, empty field filled with tall yellow grass, wedged between the front of the cabin and the road, although from this distance, the road was barely visible.
"It's so beautiful here," you breathe, spinning around like you couldn't tear your eyes away from your surroundings if you tried. "So quiet and peaceful."
Joel grins, his heart settling a bit in his chest once he earned your approval.
"It ain't much, but I thought you'd like it," he shrugs, "thought we could spend the weekend. If y'want."
You finally meet his eye again, brows shooting up in surprise.
"The weekend?" you echo. "The whole weekend? But I didn't bring—"
"I did," he says, reaching into the bed of his truck and lifting a duffel bag filled with your clothes and whatever else was out on your bathroom sink that looked heavily used. You laugh like you're in shock, jaw dropping as he shouldered the bag.
"Well... I was supposed to study this weekend, but I guess—"
"Got that, too," he replies, reaching for the tote bag you use for school. "And I got your cameras but I packed 'em pretty tight. Didn't wanna scratch 'em up."
"You—you did all this?" you ask, voice filled with wonder. He nods, leaning up against the truck.
"Yeah. Thought you'd like a break. It's a quiet place to study. Lots of stuff to take pictures of."
Emotion swells in your chest at his thoughtfulness. You press your lips together, suddenly overwhelmed from his sweet gesture while staring up at Joel in disbelief. He gives you a shy grin and shifts his weight when the silence goes on too long.
"I do okay?"
You nod and wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss.
"Yeah," you murmur against his lips, "better than okay."
---
Ten minutes roaming inside the cabin told you Joel put a lot more effort into this little impromptu trip than he was letting on. The fridge was already stocked with fresh food and the linens smelled like they had just been cleaned. It made you smile to imagine Joel coming here and fixing everything up, just for you.
"When did you pack all my things?" you ask after leaving the bathroom. Joel was busy chopping up potatoes next to the sink when you sidled up next to him to help.
"When you were sleepin' last night."
You frown and pick up a knife to chop some carrots.
"How come I didn't hear you?"
Joel grins, his cheeks flushing a bit.
"Must've wore you out."
You scoff but feel your own skin beginning to heat up.
"Don't give yourself too much credit. I had a long week."
"Yeah, yeah," he chuckles, then nods towards the small sitting room. "Go on. I got this."
"You sure?"
Joel raises an eyebrow at you. "I fed Sarah all by myself her whole damn life, didn't I?"
"Well, she is still alive," you agree before setting down the knife and washing your hands. "Guess that counts for something."
When you turn to leave the modest galley kitchen, Joel snaps a towel across your ass, making you yelp and giggle before retreating to the corner where he had put your box of cameras and equipment.
From the corner of your eye, you watch from the floor of the sitting room while Joel cooks. He occasionally goes outside to tend to the grill, pushing the old screen door open with his hip and humming quietly to himself.
You clean one of your Canon cameras, the pieces spread out on the worn carpet in front of you, while he works just a few feet away.
It's serene. Domestic. Comfortable.
You try to ignore the way your heart flutters every time he passes by and you catch a whiff of his cologne.
Once the camera is reassembled, you fiddle with the zoom and a few other settings before sneakily raising it up and snapping a few quiet pictures when Joel isn't looking.
"Five minutes," he announces. He licks his fingers and wipes them absentmindedly on the towel draped over his shoulder before gathering up two bowls and heading towards the door. You stand, dust your hands on the sides of your denim shorts, and slip into the kitchen to help bring plates and silverware outside to eat.
The weather is perfect. It's not too hot in the shade and there's a small breeze every now and then that lifts your napkin from your lap. Crickets begin to stir in the grass around you, singing to one another as the sun starts to dip below the trees. It's the only sound you hear—even if the road was closer to the cabin, the noise would be minimal. Joel said there isn't another house for two miles and the most he's ever seen on any given day growing up was one tractor and four cars.
"What did you used to hunt?" you ask from across the weathered picnic table. Joel popped a forkful of mashed potatoes into his mouth before answering.
"Deer, mostly. Sometimes birds."
"You ever get anything?"
"Once," he grins, his eyes crinkling at the corners from the memory. "Got an eight-point buck when I was fourteen. Tommy didn't believe me after me 'n our Pops dragged it back, thought we were pullin' his leg. The antlers are right there, above the door," he adds, pointing with his fork. You twist around and see a few sets of antlers nailed into the wood.
"Wow," you reply, dragging the last letter out to sound impressed, even though you didn't have the first clue about hunting. "Why'd you stop?"
Joel shrugs and picks at his chicken. "Felt like somethin' I just liked to do with him. Once he passed, didn't feel the same."
"Oh. Sorry. I didn't—I guess I never—"
Joel shakes his head and waves you off. "It happened a long time ago. I was 'round your age."
He feels his stomach tighten a bit when he said that phrase, around your age. It doesn't sound right rolling off his tongue. He sounded... old.
You seem unbothered by it, however.
"What about your mom?"
"She's doin' alright, still in Cedar Park. Keepin' busy. She's in good shape. Me 'n Tommy take turns goin' up there, take her shoppin' or fix things that need fixin'. She's got a whole mess of friends," he chuckles, "more than me. She's always busy doin' somethin', I swear."
You smile at the way his face softens when he talks about his mother. It makes your chest ache when you begin to think about your own. He must sense it when you fall quiet and your eyes drop down to your plate with a sad smile.
"Was gonna build a fire later," he says, changing the subject. You perk up at that.
"Yeah?"
He nods, pushing his empty plate to the side so he can rest his crossed arms on top of the picnic table.
"Yeah. Got stuff to do s'mores, got some beers. Should be a nice night."
"I like that idea," you say with an excited grin. He smiles back, dark eyes sparkling a bit from across the table.
After a ten minute argument over cleaning up, Joel begrudgingly left you alone to do the dishes while he wrestled with a warped wooden door to a small shed. Through the window over the sink, you watch as he disappears inside only to emerge holding an axe. You really don't think anything of it as you mindlessly scrub the dishes, but when you hear the first crack of wood splitting in two, your eyes dart back up to the window.
"Jesus," you murmur to yourself as you watch Joel raise the axe over his head, then swing it back down with a deep grunt that has your throat going dry.
Your hands still as you continue to watch, slack jawed. Once Joel's satisfied with the pile of wood he split, he finally stops and lifts his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face. He drops it and turns back to the cabin, smirking when he spots you staring. Your face heats up and you quickly look away, then open the fridge to grab a bottle of beer. When you step outside, dusk settling calmly over the field and surrounding forest, Joel is stacking the wood into a neat pile.
"Here," you say, handing him the bottle. He straightens up, slightly out of breath, and his eyes drop to the beer in your hand.
"Thanks, darlin'."
You watch him twist the cap off and bring the bottle to his lips, taking a few healthy swigs. Your head lilts to the side and your teeth sink into your bottom lip as you watch his throat bob. You had just noticed the sweat soaking through his blue tshirt when he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and juts his chin in your direction.
"See somethin' you like?"
"That's an understatement," you answer coyly.
He laughs and throws an arm around your shoulders, tugging you forward so he can kiss the top of your head.
"Go grab a drink and a blanket," he says, releasing you and setting his beer on top of an old fence post. "I'll get the fire goin', but it still gets pretty cool here at night."
He was right. Once the sun set, the cool air drifted off the wide open field and wrapped itself around you. However the fire, the blanket, and Joel had you feeling perfectly comfortable.
"You gonna actually make a s'more or just eat the ingredients?" he teases when you pop a marshmallow into your mouth, straight from the bag.
"Little of both," you reply, although your words are garbled. He grins and leans back into the wooden Adirondack loveseat, draping one arm along the back while his other hand lifts his beer to take a sip.
Crickets and cicadas fill the air, along with the occasional crackle from the fire. The breeze is gone, the leaves on the trees are still, and you realize this might be the most peace you have ever felt.
His voice is soft—quiet—like he doesn't want to disturb the tranquility.
"How's the class goin'?"
"Good. I like it so far. But I have my first test on Tuesday, so I'm a little nervous," you admit.
"What do you got to be nervous for? You know this shit, inside 'n out."
You shrug, then readjust to lay your head on his lap and toss your legs over the arm of the loveseat. His hand instantly drops to gently stroke your hair and you close your eyes, content.
"I don't know. It means a lot to me. I just... I wanna do good."
"You will," he assures you, "don't put so much pressure on yourself 'n remember why you got into this in the first place."
Your throat tightens a bit as you smile, eyes still closed. It's hard to put into words just how good it feels to be seen and understood by him. Until this whole thing with Joel started, you didn't realize just how much you were lacking support in your life. But now that you have it, have him, you feel so much more at ease. Joel somehow built up your confidence little by little, and even though you believe you would have eventually done it in your own time, joining the photography class at the community college was largely due to Joel's unwavering faith in you.
"Do you ever say the wrong thing?" you tease, opening your eyes to look up at him. He's already gazing down at you, the orange flames from the fire making his face glow and his eyes practically sparkle.
"Oh, plenty," he chuckles, "gimme time, sweetheart. I'll put my foot in my mouth eventually."
You grin and pull an arm out from underneath the blanket. Your fingers curl around the front of the flannel he shrugged on over his shirt and you give it a little tug.
"C'mere," you murmur, and you lift your head from his lap at the same time he leans down to press his lips firmly against yours. When you drop back down, you lick your lips and let go of his shirt.
"Chocolate and beer. Yum," you giggle.
He grins and settles back, spreading his knees a bit under your head. One hand still mindlessly fiddles with your hair and the other picks his beer back up. He looks so at ease in the wilderness, like he was never truly meant to live in a busy suburb.
Your eyes drift around your mostly dark surroundings, trying to imagine Joel growing up here with his family.
"What else did you do here besides hunt?"
"Fished. There's a pond 'bout two miles east that me 'n Tommy used to catch bass from," he says, pointing with his bottle in a general direction, through the woods. "Swam in it, too, when it got too hot. Caught snakes, played games... got into trouble. Stupid shit."
You hum and close your eyes, picturing a dark haired boy racing around the property, laughing and shouting with his brother while their parents sat in the shade, watching them in the distance.
"Can we swim in it tomorrow?" you ask.
Joel arches an eyebrow at you. "Didn't bring swimsuits."
"I don't think answers my question," you say, opening your eyes, revealing a glint of mischief. The corner of his mouth tugs up into a half smirk.
"You wanna go skinny dippin'? In broad daylight?"
You shrug. "Unless you can't handle it," you tease, and Joel scoffs at that.
"Oh, I can handle it. I'll handle it anytime, anywhere, darlin'."
You giggle and push yourself upright, blanket sliding into a pile on the loveseat when you toss a leg across his lap to straddle him.
"Maybe I'll get lucky and find a snake," you muse, linking your arms around the back of his neck. Joel's corresponding laugh echos in the dark, reminding you just how secluded you are out here.
"Keep it up and that snake'll find you soon enough," he grins, looping his free arm around your waist.
With matching smiles, you lean down for a kiss. His lips are soft and wet. He tastes like beer and smells like summer, an addicting combination that is quickly becoming your downfall. Your shoulders drop and you sigh against his mouth, completely relaxed and content. Even though the night air has a bite to it, the warmth from the fire at your back as well as Joel's touch keeps you comfortable.
It's so easy to stay like this, in his lap, leisurely exploring his mouth with your tongue. Time doesn't matter here. There's no rush or risk. It makes you happier than you ever thought possible. You wish you could tell him but you're too afraid of what that would mean, so you keep the words inside. Instead, you show him with slow, deep kisses and gentle fingers that rake lovingly through his hair until the fire behind you gets low and a chill passes down your spine.
"Oughta go in," he rasps. He's the first to break the kiss but his swollen lips don't go far. They hover over yours, parted and slick as you each pant for air. Beer bottle abandoned in the grass at some point, both his hands are now free to slide up your back, holding you close.
He makes you feel so seen and safe, you're pretty sure you could kiss him like that forever if he'd let you.
Definitely a thought to keep to yourself.
With a heavy sigh and one more tender brush of your lips over his, you stand and gather your things. The walk back to the cabin is quiet but filled with every unspoken thing neither of you dare say aloud. And as you settle into bed next to him that night, one leg naturally tossed over his waist and cheek pressed against his shoulder, you try your hardest to ignore the incessant pull in your chest you refuse to name.
---
The following morning, you awake earlier than normal. The loud silence surrounding the cabin overnight gave way to the sounds of wildlife stirring and a gentle breeze rustling the thick, overgrown oak tree branches outside your window.
Joel is still dead asleep and lightly snoring when you tiptoe out of bed. Snatching his abandoned flannel from the night before, you shrug it on and sneak into the living room for one of your cameras and a couple lenses.
Your midterm project is still a month away, but you figure there's no time like the present to start. Besides, you're not in the mood to study the relationship between F-stop and shutter speed for your big exam. You can do that later.
The theme assigned to your class is perspective, and out here in the woods there's plenty of opportunity to get a few good shots in to choose from later.
Being up early has its benefits. There's still a low fog when you step outside, trapping the cold from the night before. You shiver but don't mind, knowing the fog will burn off to a pleasant warmth soon enough.
From the driveway, you crouch down and snap a few shots of the eerie fog hovering above the gravel, framed by two large tree trunks. You wander down the drive, taking a picture or two as you go until you find yourself on the edge of the tall grassy field that sits in front of the cabin. Peering inside to make sure there's no surprises, you lay on your back amongst the grasses and look up at the sky. The fog is thinning above your head but you snap a few pictures anyway, catching the way water droplets cling to the tips of the wispy stalks.
You lay in the grass a little longer, letting your gaze drift around, lingering on the rustling tree limbs hanging overhead and closing your eyes with a sigh when the sun peeks through the hazy clouds. It's warm and soothing and you smile when your ears fill with the sounds of buzzing insects and singing bluebirds.
Your intention was to go back to the cabin, but when you stood you noticed the way the sunlight trickled through the canopy in the woods, dappling the ground with golden flakes of light. Your feet moved before you could think and before you realized it, almost thirty minutes was spent taking pictures of dewy leaves, strong pine trees, and vivid mushroom caps hidden amongst the forest floor.
When you eventually emerge from the woods, lost in thought already about developing the photos, you hear Joel call your name. You lift your head and grin when you spot him leaning against the porch railing with a coffee in one hand and looking way too handsome for someone who just rolled out of bed.
"Get anythin' good?" he asks right before draining his mug.
"Yeah, I think so," you tell him excitedly. You climb the stairs to the porch and glance around at the serene landscape you just explored. "This place is beautiful, Joel. I haven't felt this inspired in a long time. I can't thank you enough for bringing me here."
He smiles warmly before pulling you in for a hug. You inhale his natural scent, his sweat mixed with the sun and a faint hint of smoke from the fire last night. It's heavenly.
"That was the idea," he murmurs, releasing you. His eyes still look a little soft and sleepy when he looks down at you, taking in his flannel draped over your shoulders. He plucks at it gently between two fingers and grins. "Looks damn good on you."
You look down at your clothes before tucking it protectively against you. "I might just have to steal it."
"I wouldn't stop you." He lifts your chin with a hooked finger and presses a soft kiss to your lips. "C'mon," he tells you, stepping away, "I got coffee and breakfast waitin'."
---
The rest of the morning and early afternoon is spent on the porch with Joel. You study for your exam, just like you said you would, and Joel reads some sci-fi book that caused you to raise a curious eyebrow but chose not to question. He never struck you as a sci-fi type, but then again, Joel is full of surprises.
The reading glasses perched on the tip of his nose make you lose focus more times than you care to admit. Why does he have to look so fuckable like this? Just sitting here, all domestic and soft, greying curls brushing the tips of his ears, lips moving ever so slightly as he concentrates. It's a miracle you manage to get through the first three outlines for your exam before you throw in the towel.
"Done already?" he asks, eyebrows raised when he looks at you over the top of his glasses. You bite your lip and try to not look as fucked as you know you are.
"I need a break," you admit, rubbing the back of your sweaty neck. The sun is at its highest point, just past noon. The chill from the night before is a distant memory now. "Can we go swimming? It's hot."
Joel chuckles and slots an old receipt between the pages of his book, marking where he left off.
"Ain't that hot."
"Maybe it's just you making me hot, then," you smirk. Joel rolls his eyes and, to your dismay, tucks his glasses away.
"Sure you ain't just lookin' for an excuse not to study?"
You shake your head. "I still have all day tomorrow and I already got halfway through my material."
Joel's heard all of Sarah's excuses before and yours sounds no different. He opens his mouth to say as much but stops himself when he realizes drawing the comparison between you and his daughter is not something either of you want to dwell on.
"Alright. Let's grab some towels," he relents, and you jump up with glee.
The pond is a two mile walk but mostly in the shade of the woods. The air is still and the bugs are annoying, but you're positively gleaming the whole way. Joel can't wipe the smile from his face when he sees you this happy. It makes his chest swell and his heart flutter like a fool.
"Used to have a tree house over there," Joel points as you make your way through the thick brush. "But one year a bad storm whipped through and tore it down. Damn near broke Tommy's heart, he loved that thing."
"What's Tommy like?" you ask, tilting your head curiously in his direction. Joel grins.
"Trouble," he laughs, "but he's gettin' better. Used to keep me on my toes. Never knew what shit he'd get himself twisted up in, but he's settlin' down a bit now."
"Is he married?"
"No," Joel shakes his head.
"Is he as handsome as you?"
Joel laughs, cheeks turning red. "No," he says again, making you giggle.
"And he works with you? Or... for you?" you ask, trying to remember pieces of what your dad said over the years.
Joel nods. "Took him on 'bout three years back. Felt too guilty sayin' no and he'd just lost his third job that year. Figured I'd keep an eye on him, try and get him right."
"Joel Miller, you big softie," you tease, making him chuckle.
"He's just lucky it worked out," he tells you pointedly. "I worked too damn hard to get my business where it's at, I wasn't gonna have him come in and muck anythin' up."
You never gave it much thought growing up, but considering now how Joel raised Sarah all by himself while starting a business from the ground up at the same time was incredibly impressive, and you tell him so. His cheeks grow hot and he waves you off, but you clock the bashful grin he tries to hide.
You hear bullfrogs before seeing the clearing and you skip excitedly along the trail. "We're almost there, aren't we?"
"Mhmm," Joel hums with a smile, finding the way you're so excited over something that holds a special place in his heart just too damn adorable.
When you finally step out of the woods, you're faced with a much larger body of water than you expected.
"Wow," you breathe, stumbling to a halt to take it all in. It's wide, the shores reaching places you can't even see due to massive weeping willow trees draped over so much of the pond, hiding much of it from view. It's shady as a result of the trees and the water ends up being a lot clearer than you expected.
"It's pretty clean," Joel says next to you, reading your mind, "but you oughta keep your underwear on, just in case."
You tilt your chin up and grin, squinting against the sun. "You don't want to get me naked?"
Joel laughs as he lifts his shirt over his head. "Oh, I'll get you naked, alright," he teases, tossing the shirt into the grass, "don't you worry 'bout that, sweetheart."
Your gaze drifts down his bare chest, lingering on the tempting bit of sweat that collected there during your walk before unbuttoning your denim shorts and sliding them down your legs.
"That sounds like a promise."
Joel's shorts join his shirt but he keeps his boxer briefs on before stepping towards the water. "Goddamn right, it is."
He wades in up to his knees, his broad, tanned back on display. The way his muscles shift under his skin has your mouth going dry. He has the body of a man, one who works hard, who's good with his hands. You know he doesn't fully understand it but you find those qualities extremely attractive, and coupled with the way he treats you, listens to you, looks at you...
You shake your head, attempting to scatter your dangerous train of thought.
"You comin'?" Joel calls, and your head snaps up to find him in the water up to his neck with a huge smile. "Feels nice," he adds.
"Y-yeah," you stammer before lifting your shirt over your head. Joel's gaze instantly locks onto your bare chest and his eyes go wide, making you grin as you step hesitantly into the water. "You said underwear," you say, walking in up to your knees, "nothing about a bra."
"Shit," he mumbles, hypnotized by the way the water reflects off your glowing skin before you wade deep enough to hide your body from view. You're wearing a smile a mile wide when you swim out to meet him and Joel has to blink a few times to snap himself out of his trance.
"Tell me," you say softly, wrapping your legs around his waist under the lukewarm water, "when you were younger, did you ever think about bringing a girl here?"
His arms circle around your middle, pulling you even closer so he can plant gentle kisses over your shoulder. "Sure, thought 'bout it. Never thought it'd be someone as fuckin' beautiful as you, baby."
You close your eyes and rest your cheek against the top of Joel's head as his lips continue to lovingly graze over your collarbone. Your fingers find his shoulders, splaying wide over his sun-warmed skin as you float in his arms, allowing him to slowly spin and move you around the pond. It's so unbelievably peaceful here. The only sounds you hear are the rustling of trees in the breeze, the soft lapping of water against your bodies, and the occasional frog jumping in from the shore.
"I like it here," you murmur, eyes still closed, cheek still pressed against Joel's damp hair. His beard rubs against your neck when his lips find the hollow of your throat.
"I like you here, too."
You inhale sharply when the evidence of Joel's arousal prods at your inner thigh.
"I can tell," you smirk, and he chuckles breathlessly against your skin. A shudder rolls down your spine when his teeth graze your jaw, mouth falling open just enough for Joel to slip his tongue inside when his lips seal over yours.
Everything is so perfect. It feels like you're exactly where you should be—in Joel's arms, far away from life's silly problems. It's a wonderful feeling, one you don't want to let go of easily.
"Are there—" You break away from his heated kiss just to moan when his hands slip lower to squeeze your ass.
He looks at you with feigned confusion before dragging two thick fingers over your clothed slit. Your jaw drops and your nails dig into his shoulders at the perfect amount pressure he provides exactly where you need it.
"What, honey?"
You swallow tightly when he does it again. You try to focus but he looks so fucking good with his hair slicked back, dark eyes all soft and needy, and plush lips parted, beckoning for you to take them with your own.
"Are there... are there other houses around here?" you mange to ask. Joel grins and nips at your chin, already knowing where your line of questioning is leading.
"Yeah. A few."
Your eyes dart around the pond but it's still secluded and quiet. Joel's mouth continues down your neck, leaving kisses every time his fingers flick over your clit underwater.
"What? Now you're shy?" he goads.
You glance around once more, unsure where other people could possibly be, if they were around. The thick tree branches and natural fauna surrounding the pond creates a barrier, mostly enclosing you with privacy. As best you can tell, anyway.
Fuck it.
"No," you reply stubbornly as your hips begin to chase his hand. He smirks and keeps petting you through your underwear.
"No?" His voice takes on a teasing lilt and you frown.
"Nope."
"And what if I fucked you? Right over there?" He juts his chin towards the grass, where your towels and clothes lay. "Right out in the open, where anyone might see?"
You moan into his mouth when your lips crash together, grabbing his lower lip with your teeth before releasing it and saying, "I don't care. Let them see how good you take care of me."
It's all talk. There are other houses around, but not once has he run into anyone down here. Still, he loves the idea of you being so fucking crazy for him that you'll risk being caught. It makes his cock twitch impatiently as he carries you out of the water with every intention of following through on his promise.
Your panties are soaked with water when he deposits you in the grass, nearly see through and clinging to your pussy. He can't stop himself from rubbing two fingers through your folds again, groaning when the fabric molds to your shape and he instantly regrets not asking you to bring one of your cameras so he could remember the image forever.
"Joel," you beg breathlessly when he does it again. Your hips wriggle and he makes a soft noise of approval before tugging your underwear off, leaving you entirely bare in the grass. Sunlight dances across your body, wet droplets from the pond resemble glitter as the light drifts lazily over your skin.
"You're the most gorgeous fuckin' thing," he mumbles. You smile shyly while he peels off his boxers, eyes lighting up when his cock springs free, already hard and heavy between his legs.
"Think you can take me, sweetheart?" he asks, but he's already positioning himself between your legs, panting with need before you even answer.
"Yeah," you whine, widening your knees for him. Your slick folds part as he rubs the tip of his cock up and down the seam of you and fuck, you're so warm and wet and ready for him.
It sends a thrill through you when you see his shoulders quickly rising and falling with anticipation. His eyes look a little wild as he stares between your legs, coating himself with your arousal. It makes you feel so wanted and special, to have him this wrecked, all because of you.
"Christ," he groans when he presses forward. It's just a few inches and already your back arches off the ground. He's so thick and hard, it steals your breath no matter how many times you've taken him.
"More," you whimper when he pauses for a beat too long. His eyes lock on yours and he gives you what you want, sliding inside you even deeper until your eyes squeeze shut and your jaw drops.
"You okay?" he pants, and you nod, fingers curling into a death grip on the thick blades of grass next to you. With a deep breath, Joel pushes forward, giving you the rest of his cock with a sharp curse in your ear.
You release a strangled moan and Joel falls forward, propping himself up on his elbows, forearms bracing your head, and he kisses you with so much lust and want that it sends your heart soaring.
"Y'feel so good," he groans against your lips. He's not even moving yet and he already feels like he's close. "So fuckin' tight and perfect. Never felt somethin' this good before."
You whine and shift around a little underneath his broad frame, trying to adjust to his size and girth making space inside of you.
"Fuck, Joel—"
"I know, baby," he coos, giving you another kiss. One hand lifts to get tangled in your hair as he deepens the kiss and you whimper. Words are difficult to come by but he already knows. He knows he's a lot to take and he loves the way your brain shuts down when he first splits you open. He loves being able to take away all your stress and replace it with pleasure. He loves—
Shit.
"So big," you whisper, unaware of the way his brain is short circuiting. You're mouthing at his jaw, humming at the sharpness of his beard against your sensitive lips while his heart does flips in his chest.
Shitshitshit.
One of your hands slides up to his hair, fingers twisting around his wet locks, and you pull him down to your mouth again. When he doesn't reciprocate right away, eyes still blown wide open in shock and pulse skipping wildly at the jarring moment of clarity he's currently stuck in, you look up at him curiously.
"Are you okay?"
He blinks slowly, then meets your gaze. You're looking up at him so sweetly, eyes soft and mouth so fucking kissable. There's a little furrow of concern in your brow that makes his lips twitch into a small smile. Your eyes drop to his mouth, watching the way his lips turn upwards, and when his face clears, so does your worry.
"I'm great," Joel finally says, smiling wider now. He gently nuzzles your nose before pressing a small kiss to your lips. "Never better," he adds before deepening the kiss with a moan.
He starts slow. Shallow thrusts to work you open while his tongue invades your mouth. The hand in your hair tightens, holding you still as he puts everything he's too afraid to say aloud into the kiss.
You make a soft noise and he swallows it down. His hips rock faster, your knees lift higher against his ribs, and his head is so lost in the taste and feel of you that the world fades away until there's nothing left but you, you, you.
With a sharp gasp you tear yourself away for air, but his mouth continues to suck marks into your skin, too desperate to keep the taste of you on his tongue. Your hands fall to his shoulders, fingernails scraping down his tanned back, encouraging him to keep going.
You moan loudly when he finds a steady pace, the sound echoing off the willow trees. The sun beams down, drying your bodies and cradling you in warmth. Birds sing in the trees, the leaves rustle in the gentle breeze, and everything feels so, so perfect.
"Shit, baby," he groans, fingers curling around one of your knees to widen your hips. You cry out and Joel hisses under his breath when your nails break his skin, but the bite of pain just makes him fuck you even harder. "Gonna make me come with this perfect little cunt," he growls, pounding into you fast enough now to make your vision blur.
All you can manage is a strangled noise as your pussy squeezes tightly around his cock. Joel chuckles darkly, hot breath fanning across your face when he watches your eyes roll back with pleasure.
"You like that, huh? Like hearin' how fucked up you got me?"
You whimper and nod. "Y-yes—Joel, fuck—"
"Oh, baby, you got no idea. No fuckin' idea," he growls, all but slamming into you now. Your head tips back and your spine bends, body contorting to find your high. With a grunt, Joel switches to grind against you, rolling his hips as deep as possible. Your eyes flash open with a ragged moan and your muscles tense, right on the edge of release when he manages to find the spot that makes you come undone.
You can't even warn him before your orgasm takes you by force just a few moments later. Joel grits his teeth, savoring the broken way you sing his name, how you can't even formulate a single thought while the pleasure he just gave you washes through your body.
When your limbs go limp, he gathers you up in his arms and buries his face against your neck. Weakly, you're able to reach up and gently thread your fingers through his damp hair, quietly urging him to come, to let go and fill you up and make you his.
Joel's voice breaks over a sob when he slams into you one final time, body seizing up as he comes, flooding your sore cunt with his release while still holding you close, chest to chest. He's trembling a little when his grip around you loosens, breath still uneven and shaky. You kiss the top of his head when he collapses on top of you, face still tucked into the crook of your neck while he catches his breath.
Your eyes slip closed, allowing the warmth from the sun and the weight of Joel's body to pull you under. Your muscles are loose and tired. Joel's scent and heavy breathing envelopes you with a feeling of such deep security that you can't stop the soft words that tumble from your lips next.
"I wish we could stay here forever."
He doesn't say anything but you're sure he heard you. The quiet is thick but it's not uncomfortable because you're pretty sure he's thinking the same thing. His eyelashes flutter against your throat, tickling your skin and making you smile up at the clear sky, and for a while all you focus on is the way his breaths grow steadier and the way his rough hands delicately skim your body in wonder. His forearm presses against your heart and he feels it thump while lazily tracing every dip and curve. In return, your fingers comb sweetly through his now tangled hair and you just hold one another until his cock softens inside you and the birds begin to hurriedly fly back to their nests above your heads.
"Gettin' late," he murmurs eventually, kissing your throat once before regrettably shifting his palms to the grass on either side of your head to push himself up.
"M'tired," you reply, grinning when Joel makes a pained face after sliding out of you. He sits back on his knees, gaze lingering for an extra moment between your legs before reaching for your clothes.
"Let's get back and feed you, then you can sleep," he says. He stands with a grunt before helping you to your feet. With his boxers and your panties still soaked from the pond, you dress commando and roll up your wet clothes in your towels before starting the trek back to the cabin.
It's a quiet walk, the air slightly cooler now that the sun is beginning to set. Joel wordlessly laces his fingers with yours and offers you a shy smile, one that has your heart skipping a beat and your mind drifting to silly little fantasies you know you shouldn't allow yourself to have.
---
When you arrive back at the cabin, Joel insists you shower the pond off your skin while he gets to work making some burgers. You want to argue and insist you can help cook, but the promise of a fresh shower is too tempting to resist, so you give in while he lights the grill.
The water is invigorating and wakes you up a bit, so when you leave the steamy confines of the little bathroom in search of Joel, you're feeling like you may have gotten a second wind.
You spot him through the screen door, manning the grill. The picnic table is already set with paper plates and condiments, all that's missing is you. When you push the door open, a quiet squeak gives you away and Joel turns to you with a smile.
"Feel better?"
"Much," you agree before joining him at the grill. You wrap your arms around his soft stomach from behind while he scoops the burgers off the grill and onto a plate.
"What'cha doin' back there?" he asks over his shoulder. You grin and take your time appreciatively dragging your hands over his torso before finally letting them fall to your sides.
"Just admiring the view."
"Ha," he says dryly, then nods towards the picnic table. You follow his lead and sit down, watching with hearts in your eyes as he plates the food for you both.
Joel sits down next to you and without thinking, you toss one leg over his, like it's the most natural thing in the world, and he gives your knee a squeeze before picking up his burger. You eat in relative silence, gaze drifting around the yard, taking in the string lights haphazardly strung overhead and nodding along to some music Joel had playing from the stereo inside.
"No clouds tonight," Joel finally says, looking up. You follow his gaze and note the darkening sky with a few dazzling stars already poking through. "You up for one more thing before we head back tomorrow, or are you too tired?"
Even if you were too tired, you'd still agree because having Joel like this all to yourself in the peaceful wilderness is not something you want to squander on sleep. So you nod happily and clean up dinner while Joel begins gathering items from inside the cabin and hauling them outside. You're curious but choose to let him have his moment and surprise you, so you refrain from peeking out the window while taking care of the garbage and dishes.
"You ready?" he asks breathlessly, poking his head inside just as you're wiping your hands on a towel. You nod and eagerly follow him back outside to see what he did, but when you step out of the door, you don't notice anything at all.
"What—?"
"Over here," he says, waving you towards his truck. You raise a curious eyebrow and wander over.
"Are you trying to get rid of me or something?" you tease. Joel chuckles as he drops the tailgate.
"Hell no."
When you join him and see it, you gasp.
He's covered the bed of his truck with loads of blankets and pillows, along with a few bags of snacks and a couple beers tucked into the corner.
"It ain't much," he says, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck before pointing up, "but it's got a hell of a view."
You follow his finger and your face lights up when you see the inky night sky glittering with stars up above.
"This is..." you trail off, unsure why you have a lump in your throat all of the sudden. You try to swallow it down but only end up feeling tears prick the corner of your eyes.
"It's corny," he finishes for you, but you quickly shake your head and turn to him.
"No," you whisper, and his face softens like he might have been nervous. "No, not corny. It's perfect."
Joel smiles wide before offering you his hand, giving you a boost into the bed of the truck. He follows and you both settle on your backs to gaze up at the sky in wonder.
"Used to do this when I couldn't sleep," he tells you, voice quiet in your ear. You tuck yourself into his side, resting the back of your head against his outstretched arm.
"Yeah?"
"Mhm," he hums. "Once or twice I saw a shootin' star and Tommy'd never believe me."
You laugh at the image of two young boys bickering about something so inconsequential.
"Do you still argue a lot?"
Joel shrugs with a slight smile. "Yeah. Sometimes."
"What do you argue about?"
"Nothin'. Everythin'." Joel thinks about it for a moment as you nuzzle against his chest and gaze up at the stars. "Money. Family. Sports. Y'know... the usual."
"Women?" you ask, peering up at him. The corner of his mouth lifts when he sees the mischievous look in your eye.
"What do you mean?"
You shrug and shyly avert your gaze back up. "Like, have you guys ever fought over the same girl before?"
He doesn't answer right away and that immediately draws your attention. When you tilt your chin up, he's got a devilish grin he's desperately trying to hide.
"You have!"
"No, no," Joel laughs, but you poke him between the ribs, calling his bluff. "Ouch," he scolds, still smiling, "it wasn't a fight. Not really, anyway."
"Then what was it?"
Joel swipes his palm across his chin, trying to appear humble when he admits, "There was a girl he was seein' once that... I don't know... she had a crush on me or somethin'. Pissed him off."
Jealousy sparks hot in your chest, a sharp feeling you try to tamper down. Obviously, there were other women before you, you just never dwelled much on it before. Why is that?
Probably because when he's with you, he makes you feel like you're the only one that matters.
"Well... what happened?" you ask, hoping your voice doesn't give yourself away.
"They broke up. Tommy blamed me, like I had anythin' to do with it," Joel scoffs, eyes drifting across the sky. "Wouldn't talk to me for almost a month. Had our mama in a tizzy."
You swallowed thickly before asking, "did the girl ever try anything with you?"
Joel shook his head. "Nah. Just googly eyes across the table at dinner. Maybe laughin' too hard at my jokes. Shit like that. Besides," he clears his throat like he's readying himself, "I had just started seein' Sarah's mom, I wasn't lookin' for, well... y'know."
Sarah's mom. A topic you know very little about.
You let it sit for a moment, not wanting to seem too pushy or too needy or... anything like that. The definition of your relationship is still murky, one neither of you ever bring up for fear of popping the bubble, and asking about his ex feels way too much like girlfriend territory, so you remain quiet for a while. Look at the stars. Watch a distant airplane blip across the sky.
Enough time passes that you think the subject is dead and buried, but then suddenly Joel speaks.
"I'll tell you 'bout her," he says, cutting through the silent night air. You freeze. "Just not tonight. Not this weekend. I don't wanna..."
He flounders for the right word but you already understand. He doesn't want to taint your perfect weekend together with something painful.
"Another time," you assure him with your hand seeking out his own resting across his stomach. His fingers curl around yours and he gives you a tight smile.
"Another time," he repeats.
---
After stargazing, Joel had plans to take a shower. You had tried to stay awake until he came to bed, you really did, but the day was so long and exciting and wonderful that your eyelids grew too heavy and you were out like a light by the time he was finished.
When Joel awoke the next morning, he's surprised to find you still asleep, but he doesn't complain. He takes the opportunity to admire every slope and curve of your face. He studies the way you breathe and your favored sleeping position. He wonders if you were dreaming and if so, he hopes it's about him.
His eyes linger on your chest, at the way your shirt pulls tight across your breasts. Your nipples poke though the fabric, drawing him in like a moth to a flame. His gaze flickers up to you once again after he shifts closer—you're still fast asleep.
It's embarrassing, but seeing you like this, all sprawled out, vulnerable and soft in bed next to him is sending a rush of blood between his legs.
Joel battles with himself for a moment on whether or not he should disturb you before relenting with a sigh. Your time is coming to an end. You're heading back to the city this afternoon, and he wants to have you just one more time.
"Baby," he whispers. His hand lifts, sliding across your stomach. He hooks his pinky under the hem of your shirt and tugs it up. "Baby, you awake?" he tries again.
You make a sleepy sound that makes his cock jump, then your arms and legs stretch like a lazy cat before taking a deep breath. Your eyes flutter open and smile when you see him perched on his elbow, gazing down hungrily at your exposed stomach.
"Morning," you mumble, voice thick with sleep. Joel hums, pleased that you're beginning to stir.
"You're so warm," he marvels, watching his own hand slip lower, underneath the sheets. You inhale sharply when you realize what he's doing, then a moment later his fingers graze the band of your panties.
Arousal pools at your center, eager for him to keep going. You link your arms around the back of his neck and spread your knees under the sheets, wordlessly giving him permission to slide his fingers through your wet folds.
"Shit," he hisses, then your lips find his throat. He groans when the tip of his finger prods at your opening. "Pussy's wet already, huh?"
"All for you," you whisper, smirking against his skin when he shudders.
"Fuck yeah, it is," he growls, removing his hand, and you think he's going to roll on top of you but to your surprise, he pulls away. Your arms fall into the pillow next to your head and you pout when he rises to his knees, pulling the covers off your body as he goes.
"Turn around," he says roughly, and you grin excitedly before doing as your told, rising to all fours as Joel strips you of your shorts and underwear.
"Good girl." His voice is deep and thick behind you, worsening the ache between your legs. He must be taking his own clothes off now because he's not touching you and you think if he doesn't hurry up you might die. You wiggle and squirm and try not to pant in anticipation but it's too hard not to.
Then his big hand curls around your hip, thumb pressing into the softness of your curves, steadying your impatient movements. Tension pulls tight in your core and you whine when he takes a moment for himself to admire you like this.
"Gonna be hard all day tomorrow, thinkin' 'bout this." The thick weight of his cock nudges against your inner thigh as Joel shifts forward. One hand splays wide over your ass with a reverent caress, the other drops to line himself up at your entrance. "Least I can do is make sure you're thinkin' 'bout it, too," he adds right before flexing his hips.
Your mouth gapes at the stretch but he just keeps going, keeps pushing forward until he's forced himself in, impossibly deep. Your skin prickles at the fullness, an involuntary reaction to his size that happens every single time you're with him. It makes you shudder and then Joel's hand is flat against your spine, soothing you before stretching all the way up and curling over your shoulder.
"Like this," he tells you, pressing your shoulder down. You obediently fall to your elbows and lay the side of your head against the bed. It's vulnerable, this position: ass up, face lost in the blankets, unable to see or touch him... your breathing quickens, dizzy from how exposed he has you.
"Goddamn, you're pretty," he mumbles. Your eyelids flutter from the compliment, warmth blooms across your chest and you think you whisper something, but you forget because a moment later, Joel withdraws from you entirely just to slam back inside your tight heat.
You cry out and squeeze your eyes shut, but then the pain quickly melts into pleasure and your muscles relax. Feeble fingers grasp at the bedding, searching for something to hold onto when Joel snaps his hips again and again and again, pairing each harsh thrust with a deep grunt.
He doesn't hold back and you love it. You want him to give you everything, you want him to leave his mark and end this weekend on a memorable note. So you deepen the arch in your back and you widen your knees, bracing yourself as best you can while he pounds into you from behind.
"Fuck—" he groans, fingers bruising your hips to hold you steady. He can't look away from how gorgeous you look under him, breathless and shaky while he fucks you with enough force to shake the bed. Then his gaze drops to where you're connected, watching the way your cunt stretches and sucks him back in with each devastating thrust. So much of your wetness soaks the coarse hairs at the base of his cock that it practically glistens and makes his head a little foggy.
"So good," he slurs, "s-so good. Feel so fuckin' warm and tight, drives me crazy." You make a little sound in response but you can't even think straight. He's so deep, he's pushing you to your limit. Your fingers curl tightly over the blanket, your eyes squeeze shut, and you just focus on the heat radiating off his body and the impossible stretch of his cock splitting you open.
"Joel!" you cry out when one palm comes down to crack loudly across your ass.
"Sorry, baby," he gasps, "just... look so fuckin' good takin' this cock. You're so—shit—you're... incredible. Fuck—"
"Again," you whine. His head spins.
"Jesus..." He brings his hand up once again and you jolt forward on impact with a ragged moan.
"Oh god, Joel—" Your voice is wrecked, the buildup and angle too intense. Tears fall down your cheeks and you all but scream when he spanks you a third time. "I'm—I'm gonna come, Joel, please..." you sob as the muscles in your stomach tighten.
"Go on, honey, I got you," he murmurs breathlessly over the loud slap of skin on skin. Your throat aches, your thighs burn, hot tears pour from your eyes as the pressure mounts with every harsh swing of his hips. "C'mon, it's—lemme hear it. I-I need—" Joel's hips stutter against your ass and you hear him gasp. "I need—fuck, baby, I'm close—"
Without warning you shatter around him, screaming his name into the mattress as sweet relief floods your veins. It's overwhelming, the sharp bursts of pleasure that radiates into calmer waves of bliss. It's unlike any other time you've come and it has you rattled. You're shaking while he tries to talk you through it, but you can't hear a thing. His hands turn gentle on your hips, caressing and squeezing to try to ground you, but when his own release suddenly has him groaning and bucking wildly behind you, yet another wave of euphoria rolls through your body.
"Hey—hey, shh, are you okay?"
You blink, confused, as Joel speaks softly in your ear. You're still in the same position, face down with Joel behind you, but he's leaned forward now, blanketing his body with yours.
"Y-yeah," you stammer with a sniffle. That's not good enough for Joel. He pushes himself back up with a grunt and eases out of you. You wince at the loss but then he's gathering you in his arms and pulling you close against his heaving chest.
"C'mon now, you're alright," he soothes, still catching his breath while patting down your tangled hair. You bury your face against his bare chest and breathe deep.
"I'm f-fine," you assure him, "I'm good. I—that was—"
"Too much," Joel finishes for you with a dash of disgust in his tone. You shake your head and lift your chin, forcing him to look you in the eye.
"No," you breathe, still trembling. "Not too much."
"It was," he says guiltily. "You're shakin', I pushed you too far—"
"No, it was good," you insist. Your throat still aches and your head is swimming. It's frustrating that you're unable to properly articulate yourself.
"You're crying," he says, and his face is drawn tight as he carefully drags a hand across your cheek to collect your tears.
"Good tears," you insist, "good tears, Joel. No one's ever made me feel like that before, I don't know... it just... it's a lot," you laugh, voice cracking a bit, "I promise... please believe me."
The first flashes of relief finally break through his stern expression. "Yeah?"
You nod and crane your neck up, hand curling around the back of his neck. Before your lips connect, you whisper yeah, and melt into his kiss. Slowly, he slides down onto the mattress, bringing you with him and holding you close.
"You scared me," he murmurs once you break away to nuzzle against his bare chest. His heart is still hammering loudly as you press your cheek above his sternum.
"Sorry," you whisper.
"Don't be," he says soothingly, patting down your tangled hair. You hum and close your eyes, letting Joel's steady breaths and gentle touch bring you back down to earth.
Meanwhile, the world outside is waking up. Birds are singing from the trees and it appears that it's going to be another beautiful day. It's bittersweet, really, having this wonderful surprise come to an end, but you're already fantasizing about the next time Joel brings you to this cabin when he eventually pushes himself up and out of bed.
"Stay in bed," you pout, but Joel is already grabbing his boxers and a plain white t-shirt.
"You stay in bed. I'll make breakfast."
"If you're hungry, I have something for you," you tease, flinging the sheets off your naked body. Joel spins around and his eyes lock onto your pussy, still leaking with him, and he makes a pained sound.
"That ain't fair."
You giggle as he walks backwards out of the room in a trance, and only when he disappears from view and you hear the clanging of pots and pans in the kitchen do you get to you feet with a heavy sigh.
He's got the right idea. All good things must come to an end, you suppose, and just delaying the inevitable won't do any good. So you grab a fresh pair of underwear and the flannel you promised you would steal and head for the bathroom to wash up.
---
The smell of crackling bacon and fresh coffee fill the air in the small kitchen. Joel grins like a fucking idiot as he works over the stove, unable to get his mind off you and how you make him feel. God, you're so perfect. You're in the bathroom washing up, he heard the water from the sink running before he turned the fan on above the stove, and even though you're just right around the corner, he misses you. He fucking misses you.
He loves taking care of you. He loves feeding you, listening to you, fucking you and making you feel good. He loves sharing things about his life with you while holding you close. He loves the way you smell and the way your body relaxes against his. He loves how you fit perfectly into his arms and look so natural waking up next to him in the morning.
He's not sure where to go from here. This isn't something he expected and he's not entirely sure this is something you even want, but this casual thing with you born out of... what? Loneliness, he supposes. Maybe a mutual sentiment of feeling unseen? Regardless of the reason, it no longer feels casual for him, and he has no idea what to do with it.
It scares and excites him, all at once.
Joel turns off the fan above his head, eliminating the loud noise as he starts to plate your food. He's still lost in thought when he hears the floorboards creak just outside the kitchen and he grins when his heart skips a beat.
"Hungry?" he asks over his shoulder. He puts the pans in the sink and lifts two plates before turning around. "Hope you like—"
Joel freezes when his eyes land on Tommy, standing in the mouth of the kitchen looking at him curiously.
His blood turns cold and fear tightens across his chest, practically choking him while his brother surveys the area, slowly connecting the dots in his head.
"Shit, you got someone here?" Tommy says, guilty eyes flashing down Joel's frame, taking in his lack of clothes and freshly fucked hair. "Man, I'm sorry. You shoulda told me. I was just up here checkin' on the place, makin' sure the pipes—"
"It's fine," Joel croaks, shakily setting down the plates. "Uh, it was last minute, y'know? Um—"
He could feel his skin burning up under his brother's gaze. How is he going to explain this? Explain you? He needs to get Tommy out of here immediately and he'll figure it out later.
Fortunately, Tommy could see Joel's discomfort clear as day and chose to cut him some slack.
"Alright, lemme get outta your hair then," he says, raising his hands up and backing out of the doorframe. Joel sighs and nods, eyes nervously scanning the room behind his brother, but it only makes Tommy more curious. He frowns with a smile as Joel slowly ushers him back towards the door.
"Who you got here, anyway?"
"No one."
Tommy rolls his eyes. "C'mon, now. I tell you everythin' 'bout who I'm seein', why'd you keep th—"
"We'll talk later," Joel insists with a gentle push on Tommy's shoulder.
He laughs and shakes his head but relents, taking one step out the door. For a second, Joel feels relief. He'll have time to come up with some lie now, so long as Tommy gets the hell out of here, but then fate intervenes.
"Oh!" Tommy turns around to face Joel, who is standing in the doorway, screen propped open with his body like he's trying to prevent his brother from coming back inside. "I'm gonna be a little late tomorrow, forgot to tell you. I told—"
His eyes connect with something over Joel's shoulder and his words die in his throat. Joel already knows. He can smell your soap. He can sense your presence.
It's too late.
Joel looks behind him and spots you looking like a deer caught in the headlights and wearing only his fucking flannel. Your gaze darts between him and his brother and your face falls.
"Uh... hi," you offer weakly with a small raise of your hand. Your voice sounds different. Joel's heart sinks.
"Hey," Tommy eventually says, and Joel can hear the change in his brother's voice, too. He can hear the judgement. It makes his chest hurt.
Unsure what to do next, Joel awkwardly introduces you both. Tension is thick in the air as you nod at one another stiffly. You anxiously shift your weight from foot to foot before stepping back and excusing yourself.
When you're gone, Tommy's eyes find Joel's. Gone is the playfulness from before.
"Joel—"
"Let's talk later."
"Joel, how old is she?"
"Almost twenty-six," he says defensively.
"Christ," Tommy says with a dry laugh. Joel's throat tightens.
"What?" he snaps, eyes narrowing.
"Who is... where'd you meet her?" he stammers, and when he realizes this conversation is not over, he pushes Tommy outside.
"Not here," he mutters, letting the screen door swing shut. Tommy keeps his questions to himself until the pair reach his truck, parked right behind Joel's in the driveway, then turns on his brother immediately when they're out of earshot.
"Met her through my neighbor," Joel says awkwardly before Tommy can ask again. Bewildered, his brother pauses while allowing the information to roll around in his head.
"The guy across the street?"
Joel nods and tries to ignore the pang of dread in his chest. Tommy leans against his truck and stares at the cabin in silence, but when it dawns on him, Joel can easily spot the look of disgust.
"You mean, his fuckin' daughter?"
Joel keeps his gaze pinned to the gravel before his feet. He doesn't answer but it seems he doesn't need to. Tommy pushes off the truck with a scoff and paces a few feet away.
He has no idea how to make this right. How can he explain what you have together when he can't even bring himself to confess to you?
"Does he know?" Tommy eventually asks, spinning around with his hands propped on his hips. Joel shakes his head and Tommy groans. "Joel... what the hell are you doin'?"
Maybe because his brother's voice sounds softer now, Joel decides to try and open up.
"It was supposed to be just one time," he admits, still staring guiltily at the ground, "but then, I don't know... then it wasn't."
Tommy nods, lips pressed into a thin line. "How long?"
"Few months, I guess."
"Christ," he mutters, but then something inside Joel snaps. He's tired of hearing the contempt in his little brother's voice.
"What? You're talkin' to me like I'm some drug addict or criminal," he argues, finally raising his gaze with a scowl. Tommy crosses his arms tightly across his chest. "You got some fuckin' nerve. You forget all the shit I pulled you out of all these years?"
"This is different, Joel, and you know it!" Tommy yells, and Joel's eyes flicker anxiously towards the cabin, worried you'll hear. "She's young! She's your buddy's kid! She's Sarah's friend!"
"She's an adult and knows what she's doin'!"
"And you oughta know better!"
Joel's upper lip curls into a snarl and he begins to walk back towards the cabin. "Fuck you, Tommy," he calls over his shoulder. But then his brother shouts back at him, making Joel stumble to a halt.
"The fuck is the plan here, Joel? You gonna marry this girl?"
"Keep your voice down!" he seethes when he twists back around.
"You're just gonna hurt her," Tommy continues.
"It ain't like that," Joel says, "you don't understand. It's not—it's... I'm..."
He loves you.
Even though he can't say it, Tommy sees it. His face softens and his arms fall weakly to his sides.
"Oh, Christ. Joel..."
"Leave."
His voice is thick with emotion, Tommy can hear it.
"You're gonna end up hurt." Tommy corrects his earlier statement and Joel shakes his head, willing the stubborn tears burning his eyes to disappear.
"Just go," he begs softly, refusing to meet his brother's eye. "Please."
Tommy looks back at the cabin, then at Joel. "Just... be careful, yeah?"
Joel nods solemnly, sniffs, and turns away. As he walks back to the cabin, he hears Tommy climb into his truck. The engine turns over, the tires crunch over the gravel, and with every moment that stretches on, the heavier Joel's heart feels.
When he reenters the cabin, he finds you fully dressed and fiddling with your cameras in the sitting room, but it's pretty clear you're just trying to stay busy. You stand and take a step forward to greet him, but you must see something harsh in his face because you stop. Fingers fiddle anxiously at your sides as Joel silently goes into the kitchen for your food and brings it back out with much less enthusiasm than twenty minutes ago.
"I'm sorry," you whisper. Joel shakes his head.
"It's alright."
You eat the cold food in silence, but it's not the comfortable silence you've grown accustomed to. There's an edge to it that makes your stomach churn.
Afterwards, you pack your bags. Every minute that passes without talking makes you feel worse and worse. You heard bits and pieces of their conversation but you could tell based on body language alone that what happened with Tommy was not good at all.
The drive back to the city makes you want to cry. This weekend should be ending with laughs and smiles and quick kisses at stop lights but instead it's tense and uncomfortable. There's no strong hand on your thigh or knowing glances exchanged. Joel's lost entirely to his own haunting thoughts while you try your best to not read too much into it.
When Joel pulls up to your apartment, he parks and cuts the engine. You both stare straight ahead though the windshield, at the people strolling down the sidewalks going about their business with nothing to hide. You try to swallow the lump in your throat, but your voice still comes out strained when you ask, "Will he tell my dad?"
Joel shakes his head. His grip on the steering wheel tightens. "No," he replies quietly. You nod, blink away the tears, and scoop up your bag.
"Thank you," you manage to say, then push the door open. "I had a great time."
Joel forces himself to look at you now but you wish he hadn't because all you see is regret and shame when he forces a tight smile and says, "You're welcome, darlin'."
There's no warmth behind the term of endearment. Your heart plummets and before he can see you cry, you slide out of his passenger seat and shut the door. Maybe with some time and space, Joel will come to terms with what happened and everything can return to normal.
A few days later, you get your answer.