WIP: Ulalume
ulalume: story about abuse and recognizing that you can’t fix everyone.
Mikhail wandered up the stairs, marveling at how much taller they seemed than what he could see from the ground. The occasional glass panes of the stairwell let him glance over at the crowd of people below. He texted another quick, “I love you, Morana” and stepped through the wooden doors at the end of the short hallway, stuffing his phone in his pocket.
He gasped softly as he stopped on the balcony, looking over the pretty gardens behind the hotel. The bright light coming from whatever was left of the moon shone across the little ponds in the grass, occasionally reflecting rainbows of colors off of the crystal balls that floated in the water. The ducks were long asleep, but he could still hear the pleasant rhythm of the crickets. Mikhail sat down in one of the seats and stared, mesmerized.
“Mind if I sit next to you?” A soft voice startled him out of his thoughts a few minutes later. Luca watched him carefully from his spot against the door.
“It’s fine,” he finally mumbled. It was awkward seeing him again after so long. He avoided his gaze as he sat down.
“Morana’s not here, right?” Luca asked. Mikhail shook his head. “So don’t act like she is.”
He gave him a hesitant look. “What do you mean?”
“She doesn’t like your drawings. I know that’s why you didn’t answer me after our meeting.” Luca leaned into his hand. “She doesn’t like me either, does she?”
Mikhail slowly relaxed, feeling guilty as he slowly took in Luca’s words. “It.. it’s not you.”
“So why did she make you stop?”
“It’s more…” Mikhail sighed. “If I don’t pay enough attention to her, she could get lonely and hurt herself. It’s better if I don’t have any distractions.”
“I’m a distraction?” he asked, amused.
“No! I mean, not a bad one. You’re…” Pretty. The word seemed to pop into his mind of its own will, but his face burned in embarrassment. It had to be the stress getting to him. There was absolutely no way he was going to fall for someone else when he already had Morana, who, despite her moments, loved him dearly, or at least she said she did. Besides that, Luca was definitely not his type. He was too quiet, too serious, too perceptive, and it was way too easy to get lost in his eyes when they talked-
“Misha?” Luca nudged him gently. “I was just messing with you. Sorry if I-“
“Don’t apologize. It was definitely my fault for letting my guard down in front of her,” Mikhail sighed. “I’m sorry if I screwed anything up for you after that whole situation.”
“I don’t care about that. I was worried about you, Mikhail. I’ve got a bad feeling about Morana, and I don’t like the way she acts like your whole world has to revolve around her.”
He scowled. “She doesn’t act like that. She’s just been through some tough spots on her life, and support is really important for her. She’s working on being less dependent.”
Luca stayed silent, but Mikhail could see the way he clenched his jaw. “Why do you keep talking to me?” Mikhail asked after a while.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I’m not exactly good company. We don’t have much in common, either. And you’ve made it clear that you hate Morana.”
“Who told you that? You’re plenty good company. Do you want me to stop?”
Despite everything screaming at him to say “YES”, Mikhail couldn't help but listen to his soft voice and study the way Luca leaned into his palm, getting lost in the tired eyes that stared up at him with a strange kind of affection he wasn’t used to. Everything about Luca made him feel so comfortable, and that was strange and wrong. Morana wouldn’t like him being so close to someone else, especially an attractive someone who couldn’t stand her. If she saw him now, she would get terribly upset, maybe even hurt herself again. This is a mistake, he thought guiltily. She’s going to find out he hates her, and she’s going to think I hate her, and- what if she kills herself? What if she-
“You do that way too much,” Luca said softly.
“Do what?”
“Overthink. Even when she’s not here, you do things for her peace of mind. You must love her a lot, huh?”
Don’t say that. Mikhail caught a glimmer of disappointment in his eyes, and his mind raced. I love her, but...
Luca watched him warily. “If being around me stresses you out for whatever reason she gave you, I can leave. You don’t have to pretend it’s okay if it’s not.“
Mikhail grabbed his hand without thinking and held it tightly. “No, it’s more than okay. I just... I like you a lot more than what she’s comfortable with.”
Luca‘s eyes widened. “Then the feeling’s mutual,” he said softly, leaning ever so slightly closer, and Mikhail felt his heart skip a beat as he did the same. One of their hands squeezed the other as their noses bumped against each other, and Mikhail closed his eyes.
“I bet he’s up here,” a voice called from the hallway inside. They quickly sat back as the balcony doors opened and an older woman appeared with a small boy in tow. “Luca! He misses you.”
Luca held out his arms. “Come here, Vinny. You got tired of boring old Caleb?”
“Yeah,” the boy said. “He’s just eating, and zia won’t let me play with the other kids.”
“Why?”
“‘Cause she’s mean, and...” his voice trailing off shyly as he noticed Mikhail.
“Misha, this is Vincent. You’ve met him, yeah?” Luca adjusted the boy’s collar as he buried his face into his father’s shoulder.
“I might have.” Mikhail pulled out the receipt from earlier and neatly tore a strip off. Vincent watched him curiously as he folded the strip into a small paper star. “Look, Vinny.”
“... can I hold it?” he finally asked. His face broke into a smile as Mikhail nodded and placed it into his hand.
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