wanderingpoette

[pureheroine30]

What's there to cry about? Such a shame to see a face like yours, falls to pieces in the bathroom floor.

[pureheroine30]

traveller by night and lost when the sun shines.

[pureheroine30]

I know everything, but I keep quiet. It's the only thing I could ever think of to keep you.

[pureheroine30]

To the days when you loved me the most

December lies around the corner after autumn and the wind is slowly changing its course. I thought about my feelings the most when christmas always comes in. I thought about why can't I just move on like the rest? Even when the season is changing, I still feel like I'm anchored down, fully in the depths of the ocean and trying to live the life in a passing rate.

It's been ten years since I last saw you, I don't know how I still managed to wake up everyday with you on my mind and if even if I try to withstand that thought of you wandering across the globe, with different timezones, with different people and with another hand to hold. I still can't withstand the reality that our days together were just a simple bliss, a drop of rain and a shade of light- shorter than our skin.

As I'm writing this tonight, I watched and rewatched every episode of 13 reasons Why and asked myseld over again if I did the right thing, right. Did I overstep the boundaries we left when we separated our paths? Did I betray you for not taking risks, like I promised? It feels oddly near from the distance of our speed. How you manage to spread your wings to fly and how I banned myself from flying now.

IT's difficult to try new things when you're in the past, still glued.

Whenever I try to message you, there's a thousand doubts running through my mind. It weighs everything I ever hoped for us to continue and all the words I gathered to say became meek, all dust up to my diary. I store them down my quiet shelves, maybe one day you'll be able to read them. I hope one day you could, afterall, these are things I kept for so long.

I've kept many things from you so I can still see you as the guy I've met. I wish I could have read you my favorite qoute and sing you my favorite song. I wish I could have had breakfast with you in a rainy morning and lit up candles in the middle of the night. Be a teen once more, cause those are the days you loved me the most.

[pureheroine30]

And I don't mean to be selfish

But my heart breaks every time

That I see you smile

'Cause I know that it's not me

Who brings it out of you anymore

[pureheroine30]

hello love

I dreamed about you last night like I always do and it makes me feel small in the world that is so vast, that I couldn't even move.

[pureheroine30]

In case this is the last time

I just wanted to tell you how much I treasured our time together. The wasted nights under the starlit sky, behind the shadows of our friend’s boarding room and the smell of cheap tequila- they still lingers here within me. Like a memory, from another life. Another time. It sucks to even think about it now that I’m with a different level of responsibility. The feelings we kept as we kept writing each others novels and leaving them on-pause, in case we ever see each other again.

But in case, we get restless and pretty occupied with the life we’re living now, in case this is the last time my letter could get to you before we all forget this- whatever we have existed. I wanted to let you know, you mean so much to me. We didn’t, but we could have. You always tell me that. Perhaps in another life. In you words, I bled but you weren’t wrong. Maybe we are just unlucky.

I still have your favorite shirt. I always wear it. Your face, your smell, your essence were still on them. And whenever I look at it, I would remember the times I was fully entranced in love with you that I would go through horizons to beat time just to see you in school. It’s funny actually, I looked like a high school student when I should have been proper and prim, like all the college girls my age. But I’m not like the lot and you said, you liked that about me. 

Would you still like me if I said I couldn’t forget you? I’m still not like the others. 

The weather is fine, I liked the rain and it’s cold. I’m having tea, I couldn’t sleep cause I keep on thinking about being born in a wrong time. Our timing is off. How can I ever beat the physics of time when I don’t even know where to start. I just wanted everything to end. I am utterly exhausted living in a safe. 

In case this is the last time. I love you.

[thoughtkick]

Flowers grow back even after they are stepped on and so will I.

B.J (via thoughtkick)

[pureheroine30]

Is it possible to miss something you never had? I kept thinking about something I couldn't pin my whole thoughts into cause I don't know how to dive in, considering that I don't have enough memories to support it. But I feel like I'm missing something.. It feels like as if, I am meant to some other time. Was i born too early? Or was I born too late?