archive of My Episodes

[purrrrplexed]

Misato Katsuragi, Part 1

CASE 1 MISATO: Where am I? SHINJI: This is the 'me' that exists in your mind, Misato. MISATO: And yet at the same time, this is also the 'me' which exists in your mind, isn't it Shinji? SHINJI: In order to establish my identity, I have to communicate with the minds of many people. I have to examine that which is at my core. I have to stare at Misato, who resides on the inside of my mind. What is it that you wish for, Misato? // This opening quietly establishes one of Instrumentality's most important ideas: there is no singular, objective "self." Misato exists as she understands herself, as Shinji understands her, and as countless other versions carried in other people's minds. Before the characters can confront each other, they're forced to confront the versions of themselves that have always existed through someone else's perception. The boundaries between observer and observed disappear, leaving only self-awareness stripped of all defenses. Do you want to be good? Y.MISATO: I have to be a good child. Why? Y.MISATO: Because I have no Daddy; because I have to be good and not bother my Mommy. But I don't want to become like my mom; when my father's not here, she always cries. I can't cry, I can't depend on anyone else. So I have to be good! That way, maybe my father won't hate me so much. I hope. Maybe my father won't hate me if I be good. MISATO: But I hated my father... and I hated being a good child. I hated it... I'm tired of it, I'm tired of wiping myself clean. I'm tired of pretending to be pure and noble. I'm so tired of it all! I want to disgrace myself, to get so dirty that no one can stand it! I want to see my life and my reputation ruined! // Misato's childhood reveals the contradiction that defines almost every relationship she has. She equates love with being "good," believing affection has to be earned through obedience and emotional self-denial. Yet that very expectation becomes something she grows to resent. She longs for her father's approval while simultaneously hating him for the neglect that made her seek it in the first place. The result is an impossible cycle: craving the validation of the person who taught her she wasn't worthy of unconditional love.

[apocolypticvamp]

I kinda think we should desexualize nakedness okay.. i kinda don’t think an unclothed human body is inherently sexual okay… especially women ok..

[purrrrplexed]

im not cutting cause im cutting weight 🥰🥰🥰🥰

[freakoutgirl]

"all you ever do is complain" that's not true. I also resent.

[freakoutgirl]

and love..........

[purrrrplexed]

babe you don’t understand there are still places we haven’t argued at 🤓

[longseasons]

This is My Blog ..... And No One... Can Take It Away

[thoughtkick]

“We are dying from overthinking. We are slowly killing ourselves by thinking about everything. Think. Think. Think. You can never trust the human mind anyway. It’s a death trap.”

— Anthony Hopkins

[celticcat17]

“You want to kiss me so bad right now….”

“Yeah well…what if I do!!!”

[gaying-mantis-phd]

tiktok flagged this for violence, too much red ig lmao

[purrrrplexed]

The Case of Misato Katsuragi, Part 4

MAYA: You're vulgar, and impure. RITSUKO: You're pathetic. ASUKA: You're gross and disgusting! I've never seen anyone in such a disgusting relationship! HYUGA: Congratulations, on your promotion, Major Katsuragi. MISATO: The 'me' who is recognized is the 'me' who is performing a role in order to be appreciated, but she's not the real 'me'. Y.MISATO: Your true self is always crying, isn't she? MISATO: Yes... But I am happy. Am I happy? MISATO: I am happy. Am I happy? MISATO: It's true, I am happy. Am I happy? MISATO: I'm not! This isn't the happiness I wanted!

// Once again, the question is asked, and Misato is the one who answers it. That's what I love about Episode 25: it doesn't leave every psychological conflict open to interpretation. It lets the characters peel themselves apart until they reach the truth they've been avoiding. Misato realizes the version of herself everyone praises isn't the real her at all. It's a role she performs because she believes love has to be earned. When she keeps insisting "I am happy," she's trying to convince herself more than anyone else. By the third repetition, the answer finally breaks through: she isn't happy, she's comfortable hiding behind the life she's built. What is happiness? MISATO: This isn't me, it is not the true 'myself'! I just don't want to face the harsh reality!! SHINJI: But we have to. We cannot live otherwise. SHINJI: You know you'd be alone and afraid... REI: Unstable... RITSUKO: If nobody was sleeping next to you. ASUKA: Are you afraid of sleeping alone? MAYA: Or does sleeping by yourself remind you of how empty your life is? KAJI: She can't stand not having other souls around her. HYUGA: So, you'll sleep with anyone, won't you, Major? MISATO: No! MISATO: Yes, you just want to be infatuated with primal ecstasy. You want to fill the hole in your heart with temporary escape. You take advantage of men, to soothe the pain in your soul. // The confrontation about sleeping with men isn't a moral judgment. it's exposing her coping mechanism. She tries to find ways to keep her life from being empty. She loved Kaji, she spent a whole week sleeping with him. This is her way of escaping. It is another form of running away, Shinji shies from human contact, Asuka imposes herself on everyone, Misato both wants to be a "good child" and yet as Ritsuko commented at the end of Episode 20, she runs off to Kaji the night after Shinji is "returned". MISATO: No, no, no!! What does she really wish? // So what does Misato really want? Ironically, it's something incredibly ordinary. She wants what we all want, not to be alone. She doesn't want to be ignored. She wants to be happy. I think if you read through what is actually said it is quite clear what Misato's problems are. She wants to be loved without having to earn it. She wants someone to stay. She wants to stop believing that every relationship is temporary. That's why I think Misato is one of Evangelion's most painfully human characters. Her conflict feels uncomfortably familiar. Strip away the Evas and Instrumentality, and she's just someone trying to outrun the fear that she'll always end up alone.

[purrrrplexed]

The Case of Misato Katsuragi, Part 3

KAJI: So. No reason was required to begin our love, but you needed a reason for ending it. MISATO: Yes. You were so kind, Kaji... You were so kind to disgrace me... To dirty me... to deflower me... KAJI: Just because you hate yourself is no reason to injure yourself further. Punishing yourself is simply a cheat, to make you feel better for a little while. Don't do this to yourself. // Kaji sees something Misato refuses to admit: there's a difference between accepting your flaws and using them as a reason to keep hurting yourself. She mistakes self-punishment for honesty, believing that if she degrades herself first, no one else can truly hurt her. Kaji challenges that idea, and that's exactly why she pushes back. MISATO: And now you'll tell me to take care of myself?! MISATO: Men always do that. They'll escape to their jobs... their own world... and leave me behind. They always leave me behind! Y.MISATO: Always. Just like our father did. // Her outburst isn't really about men, it's about her father. She doesn't expect people to stay because the first man she loved eventually left. She projects that expectation onto Kaji, assuming he'll choose his work, his own life, or anything else over her. Like almost every character in Evangelion, her deepest fear isn't rejection itself: it's abandonment. She'd rather leave first than wait to be left. MISATO: They always escape from the harsh reality. Harsh reality... I am his harsh reality. ...Of course, I have a problem. // "I am his harsh reality", love that line in the entire sequence because it reveals how Misato sees herself. She doesn't think people leave because life gets complicated, she thinks she is the complication. In her mind, she's the burden people eventually grow tired of carrying. It's heartbreaking because she's already decided she's the reason they'll leave, long before they ever do. SHINJI: Stop this! Misato... MISATO: Why should anyone else love me, anyway?! I hate myself!!

// Her breakdown ends where so many of Evangelion's character studies end: self-hatred. "Why should anyone else love me? I hate myself." Every fear she's expressed up to this point—abandonment, shame, intimacy, running away, feeds into that single belief.

I've always found it interesting that the visuals here seem to allude to Episode 23, when Misato enters Shinji's room after Kaji's death. Depending on how you interpret that scene, it suggests she was desperately reaching for intimacy, not out of desire, but because she couldn't bear being alone. Whether or not that was her conscious intention is left ambiguous, but it fits the pattern the episode has already established: whenever Misato loses someone, her instinct is to seek comfort before she's forced to confront the emptiness they've left behind.

[purrrrplexed]

The Case of Misato Katsuragi, Part 2

RITSUKO: Is that why you slept with him? With Kaji? MISATO: No! I slept with him because I loved him! Y.MISATO: You did? Y.MISATO: Did you really love him? MISATO: Yes I did! He accepted me as myself, for the real me! Are you sure? // The question isn't whether she loved Kaji, she clearly did. The real question is why. Misato believes she loves him because he's one of the few people who accepts her without asking her to perform. But Instrumentality forces her to confront another possibility: that her love was inseparable from her unresolved longing for her father. The "Are you sure?" isn't denying her feelings; it's asking whether she's ever been able to separate genuine love from the comfort of familiar wounds. That's why she hesitates. She isn't lying, she simply doesn't know where one ends and the other begins. thus she isn't sure. He may have accepted her, but in part her actions were based on her wanting to disgrace herself. MISATO: That's why I let him make love to me! (Misato and Kaji having sex, while Shinji watches) MISATO: No! Don't show Shinji this! I don't want him to see that side of me--! KAJI: Why are you still embarrassed after all that's happened? MISATO: Because I'm ashamed of it! MISATO: Why is this embarrassing? You weren't ashamed then; you were glad to show your true nature to the man you loved. In fact, you took great pleasure in it... MISATO: No! Don't do this! MISATO: You wanted to dirty yourself. You should be happy to show this side of yourself to Shinji, shouldn't you? MISATO: No! No, no! MISATO: Are you sure? Or is it perhaps your father that you'd like to show this to? MISATO: NO! MISATO: Wasn't it really peace of mind that you were seeking in Kaji's bed? MISATO: NO!! MISATO: You wanted peace of mind and warmth from Kaji, then? MISATO: NO!! MISATO: You wanted to find your father in Kaji's embrace, didn't you! MISATO: IT'S NOT TRUE!!! MISATO: But it is true. In Kaji, I'd found my father reborn. And so I fled from him; I was so afraid. He was so much like my father. But at the same time, I was also very happy. I was never happier! That was such a wonderful time... That's why I hated it. That's why I left. ...That's why I ran away.

// This is where Misato finally stops arguing with herself and begins admitting the things she's spent years running from. She's ashamed not because she slept with Kaji, but because intimacy exposed a part of herself she wanted to believe wasn't there. Kaji gave her warmth, acceptance, and a place where she could stop pretending to be the "good child." But that comfort also felt painfully familiar. She unconsciously found in him the father she both loved and resented. The closer Kaji became, the more terrifying he became, because if she let herself depend on him, she risked reliving the same abandonment that shaped her childhood. // This is one of the reasons I love the original ending. People often describe it as abstract, but it's surprisingly direct once you listen to what the characters are actually saying. Evangelion asks the question, then lets the character answer it themselves. Misato doesn't need someone else to psychoanalyze her, she reaches the conclusion on her own. She realizes she found her father in Kaji, not because she wanted to replace him, but because Kaji gave her the warmth and acceptance she had always associated with the one person she never fully understood. That's also why she ran. She had already seen what her father's absence did to her mother, and she couldn't bear the thought of living through that same loss herself. The irony is that she leaves before Kaji can leave her. It's another form of running away, one born not from a lack of love, but from the fear that love inevitably ends in abandonment.

[fairycosmos]

you literally have to unironically listen to some shit like party rock anthem so you don’t kill yourself

[purrrrplexed]

idk if i was awake or asleep for the last three hours 🫪🫩

[purrrrplexed]

i want to cut so i would cut myhair instead :3 like a good boy

[unfilledvessel]

Don't you just hate it when ur fat, ugly, depressed and autistic, failing at everything and your family hates you because ur so difficult to deal with and ur mom wishes u could go back to being a cute baby when dealing with u and controlling u was easier and at least u looked cute when u had a meltdown as a kid. But oh why did u have to grow up u selfish little prick?? We were having fun! Ur mom loved u ur dad loved u ur siblings loved u & now ur just a big ol' fat stinking loser.

[jiraikeibabesblog]

Yes I do want to c_t myself and drink all the time so freaking what I’m not getting any better