Pursuit Of Nappiness

THE GENERATION, THE CULTURE, #theCOMEUP

[pursuitofnappiness]

Transparency....or something like it

We often talk about how we never settle, or will not settle. We will look at another woman and judge her for putting up with lying, cheating, whatever. But all the while we’re no better. Moment of transparency. I often times take less than what I deserve. Don’t ask me why, but I love to throw on a cape. Then I realized that this was an issue. I have heard women do this, like a lot. We’ll say “his dad didn’t treat his mom right” “he has issues with his mom” etc. All of these things to justify why we aren’t getting what we feel we deserve. FACT no matter how many issues a guy has, and no matter how busy they are they make time for what they want. Someone who is truly interested will find a way to let you know. Even if it is a “aye, I was just hitting you up to check on you” or the basic “good morning” SOMETHING. So if you get nothing, and when you open that message thread and primarily see blue or green, take it from the good sis who knows from experience,even though this may be hard to believe 🗣they’re just not into you.

Now, none of this is your fault. So what the last two people you were really into didn’t vibe with you back. Maybe they just didn’t feel that same chemistry that you did. Or maybe they really do have issue. IDK sis, but that’s not for you to fix. I’m all for helping your man through tough times. But lets place emphasis on the fact that he is YOUR MAN. Not anyone that you are extremely infatuated with. Sometimes the truth is, he is just not that into you. But that’s fine. Its not the end of the world. I see a lot of black women my age that have settled into the fact that we may be the “cool auntie” or “the auntie that travels.” I have fallen victim to saying that. Which isn’t a problem if that’s truly what you want to do. Love and relationships aren’t for everyone. Sometimes people fall so deep in love with themselves that they are truly content without any other companionships. If that’s you, then cool. But please don’t say that just because the last two guys you dated didn’t work out. If you shoot your shot and it gets blocked, then baby just keep it pushing. Move to another court lol. Don’t let that one setback destroy you and don’t let people pick you up and put you down when they feel like it.

If the same thing KEEPS happening, then maybe it just might be you. Not your personality, but the things you like. Most of the time our “type” keeps us away from good potential guys. I have a ✌🏿type✌🏿 and my type just doesn’t work. I mean hey, I’m being transparent here and SZA’s CTRL album is basically the soundtrack to my life. So I had to sit back and really think about it. Then open my mind to new things. Its true that you like what you like. You have to be at least be attracted to someone and their personality to hit it off. But let go of your type, you can’t learn anything new if you don’t try something new. Same applies for men. I have seen several men complain about trifling women. Surely all the women around you aren’t trifling. You just like the trifling type. Stay away from emotionally unavailable people. If you see they aren’t ready and you only try to force something, it’ll be a terrible ending. We’re still young, and despite what people say there is nothing wrong with dating. You test drive cars before you buy them right? You have to really date around before you really know what you want. If anyone disagrees with that, then whatever it aint for you and your perfect relationship. But the most important thing to remember is love you first. And doll if he doesn’t call/text back just let that go. Make these men treat you like a pink starburst! If they can’t then baby pay them in dust.

#MoneB 😘

[pursuitofnappiness]

Monique shouldn’t have gotten paid more...But what about your mama?

Hey my loves…LOL no seriously whats up? Now people that are my friend on Facebook know that I have been speaking out in support regarding what Monique is saying. Read that again. I support what Monique is saying. Monique is basically speaking out regarding the wage gap between black women and literally EVERYBODY else. Listen, we deserve a coin too. What I have seen with this kind of blows my mind. People have started to talk about her attitude, and how she acted previously. Speaking on whatever incident that occurred between her, Lee Daniels, Tyler Perry, and Oprah. WHATEVER. Listen to me, we all agree that Monique deserved more than $500,000 and that entertainment version of a title loan that they were offering her (if you don’t then you may not even want to proceed). But regardless of how you feel about her, she does. Just say you don’t like big, loud, black women. This lady is literally calling out for what she is worth, and everybody is saying “yeah, but we don’t like you.” OKAY, just because you don’t like someone does not mean that they do not deserve to get paid.

Hear me out, understand that Monique is speaking out about an issue that occurs not only in the entertainment industry, but in regular everyday life. Black women are the lowest on the totem pole when it comes to getting paid, period. However, its a problem when Monique speaks her truth because guess what, YOU JUST DON’T LIKE MONIQUE. Let me tell you what the problem with that is. You do not have to like someone to understand what they are saying, to get with the movement that she is sparking. FACT, I did not agree with some of the tactics that Monique used. I don’t think that calling for a boycott against Netflix was the right move. But I still stand with her. I still haven’t heard a valid argument to sway me to believe that Monique should not be paid more. Relevancy comes up a lot, but the fact is, Netflix came to Monique with this deal. They could have easily called Adele Givens, Sommore, Ms. Laura, or anyone else that they wanted to. But they called Monique. So I don’t want to hear the argument on relevancy. Then people speak on her attitude. Come on now, she is in an industry full of people that have attitudes or come off as divas and have been said to be hard to work with. But they till get paid. She is an actress/comedian. Not a missionary at the church. The problem is, is that Monique is a black woman, period. Besides if her attitude was THAT bad and her bad reputation proceeded itself like that then again, why did Netflix call her?

Can we now say that we can agree on a message but disagree on the tactics that are used? My biggest problem is that people flooded the internet speaking ill on Monique. They SLANDERED her and dragged her for FILTH. That was horrible. All because she attempted to talk about what she is worth. Taraji, Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer, and Tracee Ellis Ross have all spoken out against the wage gap. But I guess it doesn’t matter if it is not your “fave.” So when you do this, not include Monique in the conversation you are removing an entire group of women. Because there are plenty of black women with attitudes, or that you cannot personally connect with should they be removed? Because everyone is all “I want to create a space for ALL black women.” Well listen, no you don’t because you excluded Monique and therefore you are excluding people like her which includes your loved ones. So your auntie with that nasty attitude, your grandma, your neighbor, cousin, best friend, or mama should not get paid what they are worth. Not if they come off as rude or having an “attitude” to other people. I don’t care what they have done in the past, and I don’t care how hard they work. You are saying that they do not deserve a seat at the table when it comes to this conversation. So therefore, you are not attempting to create a space for ALL black women.

This has been an issue for us since the beginning of time. We only relate to a certain type of black woman. That is why this conversation will never die. I spoke to a friend of mine regarding the fact that this reminded me of the situation with Rosa Parks. So, Claudette Colvin actually really refused to give up her seat on the bus FIRST 9 months before Rosa Parks. But do you know that the NAACP did not back her? Well, she was 15 had a child, dark skinned, and I suppose they thought she didn’t feel like she was a good “face” for the movement. This does not take away from what Rosa Parks did, but really think about that. Thats exactly what you’re doing to Monique when you say “she just shouldn’t be the one to head this fight.” Why? Its happening to her too. But see everyone else speaks out about it and they still take those low amounts of money. Monique did not, she established the fact that she was worth more and showed it by not taking more. That speaks volumes to me.

Whether you like her or not, Monique is shedding a bigger light on a huge problem. So even if you do not like her or you just choose that you do not want advocate for her receiving more money, at least do not slander her. We never said that she deserved to get what Chris Rock or Dave Chapelle got. It is understood that they would bring in a larger crowd. BUT Netflix referred to her as being a legend, to which she responded by saying “well if I’m a legend pay me like I’m one.” I agree with her, but most people can’t simply because YOU DON’T LIKE MONIQUE. That does not make anything that she is saying wrong, again you just don’t like her. Netflix offered Wanda Sykes $250,000. This is a problem and is obviously a trend. But you can continue to post your funny memes and act like bad attitude having Monique is just blowing steam again. I don’t understand how black people can do this to Monique. I’ve seen her be called phony, fake, all kinds of things. Saying that she is just riding the wave of the racial and social climate of the current time. PLEASE, Monique has been hollering “my sister” “yaaass my brother” while hugging and loving us for free since her late night show on BET. Remember when she hosted Flavor of Love Charm School? Never forget that she gave aspiring comedian Goldie the opportunity to go on tour with her. So I don’t want to hear that junk about how she is only trying ride the racial divide wave. Simply be real with yourself and say 🗣I DON’T LIKE MONIQUE.

Truth is, this conversation that Monique has sparked will probably help someone in the long run. It makes me think of Rose McGowan. She spoke out against Harvey Weinstein probably before anyone else. He gave her hush money and RUINED her career. She was labeled as being crazy, was slut shamed, and her career suffered tremendously. Now other women are speaking out. Of course people sympathize with her now, but where were you when all of these rumors were floating around Hollywood about her which caused her to not be booked or busy? But someone has to take the first bullet. Someone has to go first, and unfortunately in this situation it is Monique. So regardless if I agree with her delivery, or the tactics she is using, as a black woman that wants the people to pay me what I deserve, I say thank you Monique. I really appreciate you attempting to speak out for us.

Oh but black people. We have to stop tearing each other down so much. Other people don’t have to say anything. We do a good job of devaluing other black people ourselves.

I love us FOR REAL sugar.😘✌🏾

#MoneB✨

[pursuitofnappiness]

We Deserve Nice Things Too

Okay, first things first I will attempt not to spoil the movie for those who has yet to see it. I will also attempt no to turn this into another cliché “think piece” however, I believe Black Panther is what we needed right now, as Black people. A lot of people agree with that, while other people do not. Here is my issue with what I have been seeing and hearing, STOP trying to suck all of the fun out of life. 🙄 We know that slavery existed and it is important to teach the younger children how important The Civil Rights movement was and explain what The Black Panther Party for Defense actually stood for. B U T does that mean we do not deserve to just have a feel good movie? Are we not capable of watching anything other than biopics? I mean, our history is being played out right in front of us AGAIN. Adults as well as children are seeing unarmed black men being slaughtered in the middle of the street, in their homes, everywhere for no reason by the very people that are there to protect and serve. Give us a break, we deserve nice things too. It is not just a comic book movie, it is important to our children. To be honest, the youth is the future. For the most part young black children have no super heroes. How can you sit there and tell them to let MLK be their superhero when their peers are watching Spiderman? Give me a break. They need to be able to see someone that looks like them. That they can dress up for as Halloween and be proud. I understand that Blade may have technically been one of the first black Marvel super heroes, but that movie came out over 20 years ago. Try getting a group of elementary school students to watch that. It is important to realize who your audience is, and understand that times do change. That’s not to take away from Blade, but at this point the comparison is like apples to oranges.

Also, I have a word for you black Marvel fans. Okay, some of us have not been down with the movies from the beginning. So excuse our excitement. Some of us went again, for the culture, not for the continuation of a storyline. Some people are not interested in other Marvel films, but that is their choice. Just like purchasing tickets to every Marvel film to date was yours. Be clear I am a Marvel girl to a certain extent. And if we’re speaking in terms of stories and super hero movies I think my fav would have to be Captain America: Civil War. H O W E V E R when I am referring to which one just made ME feel better, Black Panther is definitely the best. We understand that Marvel is a white owned production company, but black people have always had white allies. Who do you think helped with the Underground railroad? There weren’t too many black people with houses, horses and buggies, and the various other resources needed to pull that off you know. So kill that as well. But the most irritating argument of all was the “black on black crime” narrative. Listen, you don’t want to go see Black Panther because it is showing black on black crime, but you will however choose to watch a movie where black people are killed by other groups of people or not represented at all? Yeah, okay. Besides, if you actually watch the movie you will understand that the black on black fighting in the movie represents an internal struggle that we as a people face every day. Besides, I’m tired of that argument anyway. That’s like saying I will not help Americans should any other group come in and try to fight us because Americans kill Americans every day. See how dumb that sounded?

So in short, just go watch the movie, or not. Either is fine. But don’t try to steal the joy for the people that do. Its okay for people to dress up to go to the movies. The cast dressed out in African Garb for the film’s premier and no one said anything about it until you saw your friends from down the street doing it. I promise we can be our own worst enemy. We do not have to defend watching the movie, not because we are comic book fans, but just because it makes us feel good. Oh and the next time someone wants to try and tell you that the movie promotes black on black crime, be sure to let them know that Harriet Tubman threatened to kill any runaway that changed their mind and attempted to go back. 😊How can we have the energy to fight off everyone else, when we’re too busy fighting ourselves.

HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH YALL!!! 🍀

#Mone B.

[pursuitofnappiness]

Reality ✔️

🗣Good people are screwed over everyday.

I’m a witness to that.🖐🏾  But everyone always plays the victim and blames the other person for “being the bad guy” ...look, I’m not about that.🚫 If I haven’t learned anything else, I know that people will treat you how you allow them to. Yes, this is the truth and I’m not debating it.👌🏾 This is for relationships, family, friendships etc. If you have a friend that you feel like is using you, but you constantly let them borrow your things, coins, car whatever and they never give it back who is really dumb here? Say no, if they get mad ➡️ ✌🏾.

I was having a conversation with a woman, not exactly a friend but an associate, who kept complaining about how this guy she was talking to didn’t take her out and only called her at certain times of night...

So I’m like are you entertaining him when he calls? Quick response, yes she was. I told her, you have to let him know you don’t appreciate it and then don’t tolerate it. So she talked to him about it, he said he would stop but guess who still reached out to her after hours?😑 And guess who still went 🙄 when she came to me talking about it again, I politely explained that I didn’t want to hear it. It’s that simple.

You have to set boundaries with people. If they don’t respect those boundaries, they can leave. People are so focused on “looking like a bad person” so 🖕🏾 this is your time and energy that you’re wasting! Stop waiting on someone else to interject and say “you shouldn’t do such and such like that, she is so sweet.” There is no one out here in a cape looking to save you from sorrow.

☝🏾 Another thing that gets me is “karma will get them” girl okay, maybe. But why wait around and be a fool while someone is parading around with things you spent your money on? Why will you keep entertaining this guy that clearly does not respect your boundaries? Because you think that karma will come back and make everyone that did you wrong pay? 😂 okay,

reality check this is not a movie and nice girls don’t always finish first. They get left behind.

The person that takes charge of their life is truly who finishes first. Stop being afraid to lose people, if they can’t respect you then they deserve to be cut off. No, people shouldn’t treat others bad but if you’re laying there looking like a doormat you’re sure to get walked on. 🍀☕️

#MoneB

🌱✨

[pursuitofnappiness]

Confidence

Confidence is crazy, because EVERYONE says they have it but their actions say otherwise. Let me speak from personal experiences...

 When I was younger, I was like SUPER insecure.🙄 

I felt as though I had these pretty friends (which I did, and they are still gorgeous BTW) and I just didn’t fit all of the way in. I never thought I was just UGLY, but I would always pick myself apart. I mean, I would tear into me like no one else could. My weight has been an issue for me most of my life. Only to me though, I was like a size 11 and thought I was huge. Do you know how bad I would KILL to be in an 11 now?‼️

 look back at my pictures from high school and the beginning of college and can’t help but notice my beauty. If only I could notice it then. The biggest issue was I was comparing myself to other people. People would tell me all of the time how pretty I was, but I just didn’t believe it. I also let other people’s definition of beauty affect me. I basically cared too much about what other people think which I know now is a huge NO NO.🙅🏽 I’m not shy with telling my story, most of the time when I tell people this they’re like 😳 “girl I don’t believe you” or “you seemed like you had so much confidence.” Well I didn’t. I was just loud. I’m still loud, but its natural and I try to catch it lol. But back then I did it for attention. I always felt that I had to do extra to get noticed. But when it was time for me to talk, I clammed up. I had no G, like literally NONE. 

My insecurities also showed in other ways, the guys I talked to/dated for example. I didn’t really make the best choices and once thought it was funny to talk to someone with a girlfriend.🙄😒 I only played myself in the end. Lack of confidence can be damaging if not fixed. I know someone that is a beautiful soul, and a gorgeous person. But yet, I hear her comparing herself to others and letting a guy walk over her. I know it’s the lack of confidence because I was once there. Some people are a really good judge of false confidence, especially guys. There are really people out there that prey on women that are not confident in themselves. That can honestly turn into depression. So first things first, stop🚫 the comparisons. You aren’t supposed to look like anyone else, or have hair like anyone else, or be the same size as anyone else. Just be the best you that you can be! 

But most importantly LOVE YOU. 

I realized that I couldn’t have loved myself. The way I allowed people to treat me, and the disrespect I took from others just because I wanted to “fit in” was crazy dumb. Don’t be one of those girls that talk about others to make yourself feel good. I was her. I used to find myself saying the meanest things, just because I was HATING! 👏🏾That’s it, nothing to it. Couldn’t give a compliment without being jealous. That’s a problem. So I took some time to love me. No one is going to love you more than you love yourself. Period. I don’t care what anyone else says. You have to get to know you first. ☝🏾

I have fallen in love with what I used to think were my flaws. I don’t even think that they’re flaws at all now. Just little traits that make me the individual that I am. I no longer clam up. 🙌🏾 I’m me 24/7. I still laugh, I still talk, I still joke. But I do it because that’s me, I’m not obnoxiously loud for attention.🚫 I love me always and in ALL WAYS. 

Its possible that I may be  too confident now.💁🏾 No one can tear me down because no one built me up. I know my true worth. I can’t be defined. I no longer allow myself to be put in one box. In the age of social media we have so many insecure women hiding behind likes and comments. People boost others on Facebook, but at home they’re still hating on the next woman and unhappy in their own skin. STOP.🚨 Don’t apologize for being yourself. Let your personality shine. Never let anyone project their definition of beauty onto you. This isn’t even just about looks, be confident in your walk, be confident in how you speak, don’t mind people calling you sassy, correct👏🏾them👏🏾and let them know you’re assertive. Inner confidence shows on the outside, trust me. And if ever you find yourself settling for anything other than the best think about why you’re doing it. LOVE YOU. There are no true ugly ducklings, just people that have not realized that they are swans.✨

#MoneB

🌱✨

[pursuitofnappiness]

People don’t owe you anything.

For me personally at some point I was willing to give give give and not think twice about it...

 When I refer to giving I am not just talking about monetary things, but they are included. Giving time, compassion, love, understanding and my peace to other people only for them to not appreciate it. It took me a while to completely understand this but, PEOPLE DO NOT OWE YOU ANYTHING. 

Often, we give and say that we don’t expect anything in return but truly we do. I do not expect someone to give me back what I gave them. If I am a shoulder for you to cry on I of course can’t be upset if a person is at work when I’m having an episode. Nothing like that.  But we do tend to expect a certain level of respect which I do not think is unreasonable.💁🏾 But most of the time we give our stuff (insert whatever you want) to people and they run off with no regard. But we need to recognize our position in this. As Maya Angelou and most recently “madea” have stated,

 “when someone shows you who they are, believe them.” 

That’s true tea.💯  About 90% of the time we see that this person is a user,abuser, etc yet and still be willing go out on a limb to help them knowing that they may possibly turn on you at any moment. This can be with your friends, job, co workers, significant other, anyone. When you notice that people are taking without giving, it is up to you to cut that off before you are left with nothing left to give.🙅🏽

The last thing you want is to be left bitter from helping people TOO much. Everyone will not appreciate what you do for them, everyone will not be thankful. Some people are natural takers. That’s all they do. But it is your responsibility to yourself to maintain your sanity and protect your peace. Don’t let anyone walk away with your compassionate and giving spirit in their hands. 

Recognize the signs. Will you be criticized? Yes. Will you be talked about? Of course. People tend to only love you when you are doing something for them. They celebrate you when you uphold them in their wrong. The minute they are called out or asked to hold that mirror they deflect and throw the blame elsewhere. This is not your fault. Again, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You cannot help how people feel. You can however, decide who to let in your life. Energy is real, and don’t let anyone suck the positive energy out of you.

#MoneB

🌱✨

[pursuitofnappiness]

Tripping 20′s .

Okay, back from my hiatus. 👑

 I really haven’t had the drive to write. I mean, I drop out of grad school and quit my job in my head at least 3 times a week.💁🏾 I was happily, unhappy if that makes sense. “I had nothing to complain about, but was constantly complaining...” It was just confusing. 

Soooooo why was I so unhappy? 

Well, sis had about 100 hours of vacation just accumulating. That’s ridiculous. I think that we are raised to be responsible, to want the best and there is nothing wrong with that. BUT now is not the time to be stressing about true “grown up” things.🙅🏽

 Now don’t get me wrong, there are people my age that are married, have children 😳I mean true grown up things. However, we are all still trying to figure this adulting thing out, and its hard for everyone that I know. So I did like I would have done in high school. I took a few summer vacations. 

The first one was a trip to Miami for a bachelorette party, and I recently came back from Essence Festival in New Orleans. 

LISTEN, coming back from Miami gave me this Zen like feeling. Nothing at work bothered me, and I didn’t stress about school. It was so relaxing to truly take days off and just be chill. Now, I am the person that saves her off days for “important” things. What those things are, I’m not sure.🙄 Before this summer I only took days off for things such as family reunions, or when I was close to reaching my vacation cap. Even then I didn’t do anything but sit around the house. When I did go out of town, I took work with me (bittersweet thing about working from home). This time I did none of that. I’m so relaxed and I feel as though I can conquer anything that’s thrown at me. 

Another thing I did was take control of my health.💪🏾 Getting into the habit of just working can be stressful. I wasn’t working out, and I had to be consuming an ignorant number of carbs a day. 🙈🙉🙊I’ve cut the carbs (shout out to Patrice) and upped my water intake. Its not about how I look on the outside (which is damn good if you ask me💁🏾), but the fact that I feel great on the inside. But back to the vacays. 🌴

Don’t stress it and don’t think that you have to be “balling” in order to go somewhere. I promise, you don’t, I can give a few tips that I’ve picked up when it comes to traveling. Don’t break the bank trying to travel. Then you’ll come back home to bills that you can’t pay. Nah, that definitely defeats the purpose.

1. When going over 6 hours, I prefer to fly. You don’t want to spend the majority of your time in the car. Plan ahead, download the hopper app. It allows you to put in the dates of your trip and your destination. This app will let you know when the prices are up or down and let you know when they think will be the best time for you to book. 

2. Airbnb is LIFE. Hotels are a thing of the past for millennials. First of all, nice ones are expensive AND there is only so much you can do with a continental breakfast. Let’s be for real. Then if there are several of you traveling it can be a little aggravating. I don’t know about you all, but I’m all about my space. So with Airbnb you’re actually booking apartments/houses. You can cook, wash, whatever is it that you want to do. This is a better option because you can actually buy groceries instead of cooking everyday which can get expensive. Now the only downside is you have to pay for it up front. There is no reservation and then coming back to it. So one person could set a deadline and you all pay that person weekly OR you can book it on PayPal credit and everyone pay you weekly. Interest doesn’t start accumulating on things that cost $99 or more on PayPal until 6 months after the purchase. Now, if you’re not responsible or you don’t know if your friends will pay you back on time, I wouldn’t advise that option. 

3. Make sure to have a basic outline of what you want to do. Try to party with the locals, its cheaper. Going to the tourist areas of a town is always expensive. We stayed away from South Beach for the most part. Also, if you’re going to New Orleans, know that there is more to it than Bourbon Street. Try to hit up Frenchmen’s street. It is just as fun, without being all dirty and packed. 

4. This is the most important part. PICK FRIENDS THAT WILL HAVE FUN. Do not take any Debbie downers with you. You are there to have fun. Please don’t take people that will complain about EVERYTHING. I don’t roll like that. Most of the time my friends and I are all on the same page with what we want to do.

The main thing to take from all of this is LIVE. 

We’re at a weird stage in our lives. We have the rest of our days to stress about money and other things. We’re in our 2️⃣0️⃣s, live it up. You don’t want to blink and be 45 wishing you would’ve done all of this adventurous stuff when you were younger. Do it now. That’s not to say when you’re in your 40s that you will not be able to have fun, but I think it’s a little different. We’re still young enough to be reckless and it be okay lol. This summer alone I went to KOD (King of Diamonds), rode a private boat, almost got kidnapped by Haitians🙄😒, rode a party bus with about 50 strangers, saw Mary J Blige, Chance the Rapper, No Limit, Jazmine Sullivan, Jill Scott, Soloange, and various other of my FAVES. But most importantly I lived, I had fun, and I’m already planning my next get away. So when you find yourself really stressed with work and EVERY little thing bothers you, it is probably time for a vacation. I mean, summer break isn’t reserved for school kids💁🏾. We need a break from the everyday wear and tear of adulating too.  🙌🏾

#MoneB🌱✨

[pursuitofnappiness]

May 17th

Listen, 

I have never been this happy to see May 17th before in my life. May 16th just so happened to be the date for the runoff elections in the city of Moss Point. 

Let me first say that The Presidential election this past November had nothing on Moss Point’s. I’ve seen family members, church members, friends and everyone in between FALL OUT over a candidate. You all do know that it is okay to have a difference in opinion and still carry out your day to day lives right?💁🏾

 This was the first year that young people got involved and ran, Which is an excellent thing, you want to see a change, be the change. However, there was a WHIRLWIND of DRAMA surrounding this election.

 I have heard people say “It got messy when the young people got involved.” This is partially true. Politics is an ugly game anyway, and the presence of young people caused a heavy influx of social media campaigning. Which again, was not a bad thing. I’m not fully convinced that the young people brought ALL of the drama, as I am the people that were supporting them. 

There were things that I agreed with and a lot of things that I didn’t. ✋BUT when people start to smear campaigns and then hide, don’t entertain it. There are people that can be labeled as master manipulators. They do things behind the scenes that cause others to blow up. That makes YOU look bad, not them. Let those people try to throw rocks and hide their hands. So what. But you targeting them makes them look like the vulnerable party, and you the aggressor. 🙄

Moss Point has a population of roughly 13,000 people give or take. Maybe 5,000 people (and that’s pushing it) vote. So if you really want to help your candidate go door to door passing out information and explaining what it is they will bring to the table. Check the areas with low voter turn out and make sure you hit them hard. For those that aren’t registered to vote, but are eligible HELP THEM. Offer people a ride to the polls. Repeat steps 1-3 every week up until the day of the election. That Olivia Pope advice was free, anything beyond that I’m charging for. ☕️But don’t forget the real reason behind the campaigning.

You want to see a change. 

In a city such as this, we need people that will stand up for us. Not anyone that can be bought, or will sell out. Someone that is deeply invested in the improvement of our area. We’re in the news for animal abuse and corruption far too often. Am I the only one that thinks its time for some positivity? If someone was truly targeting your candidate, which I would not doubt, continue to focus on YOUR campaign. It would pay off in the long run. And please don’t forget how something so small such as emails hurt Hillary Clinton. Now look at the position the country is in.🙉

 Elections are much like popularity contests, although they shouldn’t be. We don’t care who you like, it isn’t about who you’ve known the longest. Its about who will do the best job. Who will aim to help the community the most. Young people we have to do better. Older people, you have to do better. Far too often do I hear older people in this area complain about what the young people do and don’t do. But as soon as we try we get talked about or treated badly. Who wants to continuously help when you’re surrounded by negativity? (Not by everyone, so if you take offense to those statements its probably you 👌🏾). 

People in my age bracket, we have to do more than keyboard bang (if you did more, don’t take offense to this). I will not get into all of that, because that is a millennials vs baby boomer discussion which is too much for today. Now would be the perfect time to quote Michelle Obama on going low vs going high, but I think a NeNe Leaks quote better fits this election. “You can never win when you play dirty.” But also never forget what is done in the dark will ALWAYS come to light.

👏🏾☕️

#MoneB

[pursuitofnappiness]

18+8

A tale of the quarter century 

... as depicted by Mone B

Twenty-Fine was interesting, nothing like I ever experienced. 25 taught me it was cool to let go, years don't determine love.

Twenty-Fine taught me how to truly be unapologetic, and not feel bad about it. 25 debunked the "no new friends myth"

Twenty-Fine challenged my beliefs. 25 was depressing as times.

Twenty-Fine almost broke me. 25 showed me that i shouldn't settle because I would be the one unhappy.

Twenty-Fine allowed me to let go. 25 proved that sometimes bad things happen to good people, and sometimes good things happen to people who don't deserve it.

Twenty-Fine reminded me not to worry about that.25 tested my faith.

Twenty-Fine pushed me to my limits. 25 scared me.

Twenty-Fine allowed me to understand energy. & to realize that it was important to make sure I only had good vibes around me. 25 showed me how to listen to understand instead of listening to speak.

Twenty-Fine made me realize I was angry. 25 helped me calm down.

Twenty-Fineshowed me how to love me better than I ever had before. 25 was lonely.

Twenty-Fine was refreshing.25 built character.

Twenty-Fine showed me that I wasn't really grown at 21.25 increased my faith.

Twenty-Fine was full of prayer. 25 opened up a lot of possibilities.

Twenty-Finehumbled me. 25 proved that material items does not equal happiness.

Twenty-Fine showed me love.25 was growth.

I lived, I learned, I loved, I lost....I lived! I won. 25 was everything. It didn't seem like it at the time, but 25 was the storm I needed. It wasn't anything physical, and to the naked eye I'm sure I seemed fine. But 25 was full of internal battles. The worst fight is the one inside. And even though I'm not ready to say the next number, I'm sure 18+8 will be the ultimate follow up to an amazing quarter life crisis.✨✨💁🏾

#MoneB

[pursuitofnappiness]

When all else fails, throw yourself a party!

If you know me, then you know I’m all about a celebration. 

When my friends accomplish something I want to throw a party... engagement? Party. Pregnant...PARTY! Moving, graduations and all of life's precious moments... PARTY PARTY PARTY 🎉🎊🎈

HOWEVER, birthdays....... listen👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

 Birthdays are something big to me. I’m quick to plan something, go out of town, buy an extra cake (because of course I’m the Queen of being extra💁🏾). But I always felt like the ball dropped when it came to my birthday. I never felt that it was celebrated like I celebrate everyone else’s. There were 2 problems with this. 

1.Never do anything expecting to receive the same in return. Some people do not place the same value on things that you do. Also, you never know what kind of situation another person is in. 

2.Don’t complain about what you don’t have. When all else fails CELEBRATE YOURSELF.

I am one person that has an issue with this. I don’t mind doing for others, but sometimes I feel a little guilty when it comes to doing anything extravagant for myself. Don’t ask me why, that’s just the way it is. I know I’m not alone in this. But instead of having a birthday dinner or going somewhere just to say I did it for my birthday I decided to do something different.

 I wanted a party. 

So I threw myself one.

Of course I had help: 👯👯💃🏾

 my best friend loaned her house and paid for my cake. 

I had another friend that helped with food, 

and two others that came through in the clutch and decorated because I’m not exactly a DYI type gal. 

my lovely friend Candace created this EXTRA birthday invitation

So I got all of this planned,and so the party was created. Well, midweek I was no longer excited as I once was. I tend to hype myself up then really get to thinking. 

“What if it doesn’t turn out the way that I want?” Or “how about if no one shows up?” I thought about everything that could go wrong, without thinking about the most important thing. 

I WAS DOING IT TO JUST HAVE FUN! 

So finally my home girl laid it out to me like “you’ll be there, the people that matter will be there so it’ll be fun.” I thought about it and she was right.

 Well the big day came ........and it was perfect!👠👑💃🏾🎉

My phone broke and I didn’t get much footage lol.🙄  But even through all of that I had a lovely time and it went better than I could ever image. & my home girl was right. The people that mattered showed up. I mean, I had a nice turn out but they all made my day perfect. 

So don’t wait on people to show their appreciation. This may sound self-centered but show yourself how much you mean to you. Yes, I said exactly what I meant.💁🏾

 It is okay to celebrate yourself. To celebrate life, and another year of being amongst the living. I learned that I can’t get mad because people don’t show me love in the same manner that I show them. That’s just not their steelo, its mine. So if you want something done a certain way do it yourself. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade then add it to some Boosie juice, throw in a little ice and have yourself a party. If you want to make it extra special put on a sparkly dress for even more flavor.✨🌟

 But above anything else learn to love you and never feel guilty about celebrating yourself.

[pursuitofnappiness]

Why you don't need social media to validate your relationship

I’ve been in my relationship 8 years. 5 out of 8 years the main reoccurring argument was centered around social media. I have my own page(s) and he too has his own. The primary difference between the two was the presence of our relationship. Generally I was more prone to post pictures of us or him than he was and for a long time I struggled with understanding why. So of course whenever the argument came up regarding the lack of my presence on his page , my first defense was to assume he was either ashamed of me or hiding me . And he would offer his rebuttal followed with “I’m just not comfortable with having people in my business.” And I’d go back and forth about how he posts his friends , family , pets etc… and his answer would remain the same. Eventually we compromised on special holidays such as Birthday shout outs and Valentine’s Day but for the most part as time went on and I began seeing the reality of the social media love hype for myself I began to gain a new perspective.

1. It only takes about a second to snap a picture. Too often we Base the quality of our happiness upon what we see others doing or what other people say about what we are doing . We must begin to live for ourselves. Those same people that we envy and compete with have 23 hours 59 minutes and 58 seconds left of a day that we don’t see . How do the old folks say it ? “All that glitters is not gold”….

2. piggybacking on that last quote , everything that looks good , ain’t always so great . Let’s be honest , how many times have you seen a man or woman always posting pictures and events that they share with a lover but behind the camera lens and inside the DMs they’re sneaking and geeking on the low 👀 see how stupid their “main” looks now smh. So a bunch of pictures and likes on FB mean absolutely nothing nor does it reflect the health of a relationship .

3. Before social media, there was no #NationalBoyfriend/Girlfriend day . There was no #WomanCrushWednesday nor was there a #ManCrushMonday. And guess what ? People were still maintaining successful honest relationships. Social media is so nonessential for an intimate relationship . The point of intimacy is exclusively for the pleasure of the two people involved , not those two people and 4,999 FB friends. Therefore every moment shared doesn’t have to be SHARED . Enjoy one another without worrying about the likes , comments and approval of everyone else. 💁🏽

Now, this is not to discredit those couples that are openly illustrating and sharing their love with the world . And trust me 💁🏽 I ain’t mad atcha #BlackLove. However, this is a cup of realiTEA. We all love differently and shouldn’t have to seek validation to do so even if the Jones’ just posted some really cute honeymoon pics . We can have just as good of a time off the record and off of FB.

-CP

#SHEsaidTHAT #HerThoughts #PursuitofNappiness

[pursuitofnappiness]

BFF

Best Friend For Now 

 Friendship is important. I have heard people say they could care less about having friends, but I think that is their loss. We need friends to pick us up when we are down, to be there and tell us when we are wrong, to be there when we feel like the weight of the world is on us. Even if you have sisters , one good gal pal is still needed. Good friendships are healthy….as long as they are healthy. 

Did you catch that?

 Friendships can be toxic, much like mentally abusive relationships the same can be true with friends. It is OKAY to separate yourself from people that you no longer feel that vibe with. It is important to realize when separation should occur. Lets not throw away a twenty year friendship over something petty such as not wanting to go the same place for spring break. 

Come on now. 

But when serious issues occur. Most of the time separation happens over time on its own. People always claim to “cut folks off.” That’s all I saw going into the new year. Who was getting cut off and left behind. 🙄 

Honestly if you had to wait until the new year to do it then you were just being petty in the first place. Anyway. People always blame one big incident on the reason as to why they no longer speak with someone, but honestly you felt you and your friend drifting apart. That one situation was just more heat added to the pot that was already over boiling. I have people that I thought I would be friends with forever that I no longer even speak to. Is this good? Nah. Am I okay with it? Yes. Simply because I did all that I could do. Sometimes shit happens. 💁🏾

There are friendships that can be toxic to your well-being. What we don’t realize, well I know I didn’t was people can be draining. We have to watch what we consume and that includes people. When your energy level is depleted when being around certain people its time to reevaluate the situation. When I say energy level I am referring to your inner energy, not how tired you are from taking shots and twerking the night away💃🏾. But if you are mentally and spiritually left drained and frustrated then it may be time to call it. 

Time of death 9:29pm. 

Here is my open letter to my former friends: 

 “Hey girl, Its been a while. I know that it seems like I just dropped you. I didn’t, and I hate that you feel that way. I hate it, but I don’t regret it. At a certain point in life we have to do what is best for us, and I had to do what was best for me. It wasn’t something that was decided over night. Just a series of events that continued to occur. You see I got tired of every single thing that I did being made fun of. There was no positive energy flowing from you to me, but I gave and gave to you until I had no more. Well that’s how I feel at least. I also got tired of you taking your frustrations out on me. I know things get hard sometime, but I was there to talk you through it. Not be your emotional punching bag. I’m sure you have a different perspective. But lets be for real, this drift has been occurring for years. You didn’t offer me constructive criticism. Instead you critiqued me on things that you did not understand. Yeah I love listening to Beyoncé and Erykah Badu and I prefer reading over a lot of other things. I think that web series are cool. There are things that you do that I wasn’t too fond of, but who am I to judge your pastimes?  I’m sure there are things that I did that you were not too fond of. I know my temper is crazy and my personality is huge. These are things that I have realized about myself and I can now own that. That’s all water under the bridge now. We’re too old to harbor on petty things like that. Anyway, happy belated birthday guh! I hope you turned up enough for the both of us. I see you and just know that I am proud of you for all of your achievements. Follow your dreams and don’t let anything get in your way. Above anything else always be true to you. You don’t owe anyone anything else. Just know, that even if it may be from afar I am still here sending you positive vibes and well wishes. Take the world by storm and don’t look back! 

 Love Always,

 Mone”

[pursuitofnappiness]

Validation

By Mone Bradford

How many people do you see claim to have that “IDGAF” attitude? I see a lot, myself included. I always claimed to not care about what other people said,thought,felt,etc about what I did or said. 

That was a lie. 

2016 was the year of awakening for me. I saw and figured out so many things about myself that I had ignored for a long time. It was as if my 25th birthday was calling me out on my all of the lies I told myself and others. 

 Validation 

Whew there goes that word that everyone says they do not need. I can’t speak for anyone else but up until a little while ago I needed validation….and I needed it bad. It was like a drug and I needed my fix. I’m not talking about with things such as “do you think I’m ugly” or “am I getting fat?” Not those types of things but worse. I sought out validation from others when it came to some pretty big decisions in my life. Whenever I had a big paper due or needed to make a major decision I was asking 2-3 people what they thought. 

I knew I hit rock bottom when I asked one of my very best friends how she would handle a situation that I was in. Keep in mind I had already formed my own opinion and I just knew what I wanted to do. But simple Cymone had to ask the opinion of someone else. Well I followed her advice and I felt like the biggest idiot of all time. I mean I felt like someone should have put me in a corner with my nose on the wall. Not because she gave terrible advice. She told me what she thought was best. It was my silly ass that listened. 

Imagine that, I’m asking someone else what they think I should do when it comes to something that would only affect me. HUGE mistake. This is crazy for several reasons; 

 1. You probably already know what you want to do. If you are anything like me you already have some idea of the route you want to take. You just want to feel out other people to see if their answers align with yours. STOP IT. Because this is what I did and it has to be one of the most agonizing things. Its almost child like. You know you need to go to the restroom and use the big people toilet but you’re waiting on mom to ask if you need to pee. Grow up. Follow your own advice. 

 2. 9 times out of 10 you have left some type of detail about the situation out and therefore the other person can’t really give you good advice. “girl should I text him? We haven’t talked in 2 weeks” But you’re leaving out the fact that you’ve already texted and called ol boy 5 times he’s just ignoring you. 

 3. You’re only asking so you will have someone else to blame if the shit goes south. Then if you’re like me you have the nerve to get mad at the person for giving faulty advice….yeah idk how my friends tolerated me. Its okay for something to not work out the way you planned. That’s life. Point me to someone who claims to have made all the right decision in life and I can point you to a liar. That’s life and experience is the best teacher, not your best friend since high school. Its time to really embody that IDGAF attitude. If there is something that you want to do or accomplish like Nike says just do it! You will never know until you try. 

So instead of sitting there angry and wondering what would have happened if you took your own damn advice, just do it. Take your own advice. You don’t need an earthly moral compass. We’re all human and most of the time the person giving you the advice is still looking at it from their perspective. They are telling you what they would do in your situation. Change that, do what you want to do. Be accountable for your own actions and stop looking for someone to help you figure out your life.

[pursuitofnappiness]

Bottomless Mimosas

I N T R O D U C I N G 

Mone Bradford

People always talk about how important your 20s are. Oh this is when you’re supposed to live your life they say, not be too serious. “You’ll wake up one day wishing that you’d had more fun and not worried so much.” But these same people talk about how they wish they had “done more” when they were younger, whatever the hell that means. 

So where does that leave us twenty year olds? Jobs are not the best these days, and most of us are too busy looking at other people on Facebook and Instagram to realize that they may be struggling with the same issues that we have. Like, who the hell decided that it was okay for us to grow up and not know a single thing about life?

 SMH I promise sometimes I feel like my life is a reality show and I’m going to wake up one day in a mansion with a butler serving me mimosas. 

Then reality sets in and I remember that I am not Nene Leakes I’m just a twenty something year old woman with degrees and debt….Yea, that’s real exciting. 

People know how important it is to have self worth. We have all heard “if you don’t love yourself then nobody will” and yada yada yada. Yea okay, well I love myself but I still do not have a job, a man, or 50k in the bank. But that is okay. It isn’t something that I should dwell on and kick myself in the butt about every night. “oh I should’ve went to med school instead of majoring in Political Science” Big deal. I’d have even more debt and probably find something else to complain about. I think that our twenties are equivalent to being 13. Yea I took it there. That awkward time when you are a fresh teenager and think that makes you grown. But you start to realize there isn’t much difference between 12 and 13 besides the teen ending. 

Its good as well as imperative to work on yourself and your future in your twenties. But it is equally as important to understand that even if things don’t work out the way that you want it to, which 9 times out of 10 it will not, That’s still okay. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and Nene Leaks did not become a “rich bitch” overnight. Life comes at you hard, fast, and without warning. But instead of letting that knock you down take those experiences and learn from them. There is always room for improvement and deep down inside you know where to start. Everyone is good at something, I mean Kim Kardashian is an example of that, right?

 -Mone Bradford

[pursuitofnappiness]

Tough times don’t last, tough people do.

A situation is only as bad, as we perceive it to be…

Of course this is easier read than felt. We all go through seasons in life that bring us down emotionally, financially, or physically. When we’re at the bottom of the valley, it easier to complain, compare and be miserable, “why me?” Well, why not you ?

Sometimes we get so comfortable with “normal” that when the smallest thing falls out of place, we completely fold , panic and sometimes run away. Just as there are opportunities in every disappointment, there is a testimony at the end of every test.

When we go through things, especially those that are perceived as bad, we learn regardless of the outcome. And on the other side of your crisis, you learn to appreciate things that normally wouldn’t have made a difference to you.

The next time you find yourself in a personal valley, for whatever reason, remember:

Things happen, TO EVERYBODY

Depth is all in perception.

Appreciate the things that are right, don’t focus on primarily what’s wrong.

Discomfort is temporary, faith is forever.

“A smooth sea, never made a skillful sailor”.

[pursuitofnappiness]

Roll Call

Line em up, and call em out! 👏 I’m talking about your ride-or-dies, A1′s from day one, the crew, clique, squad, team, these so-called- FRIENDS. Nothing is more important than establishing healthy and beneficial relationships with those around you. However its necessary to understand the expectations and boundaries of certain relationships.

Lets face it, all friendships do not last forever. People come and go with different reasons and seasons . We grow apart, we lose touch, and  thats okay. It only means that you and the people you surround yourself with are doing things and going places! Growth and change are good!

Beware of those that want to use you for personal gain, but present no reciprocated value. Sure, its great to be a resource and helpful, but never allow anyone to take advantage of you. Although everyone cannot offer as much as you, love, attention, understanding are all FREE !

Network, get to know as many people in your social , academic , market as you can. Great things happen when greater minds unite. Form professional relationships and keep them as just that, PROFESSIONAL. Act as you want to be seen and treated . Avoid mixing business with pleasure, as it creates an unnecessary distraction.

As you progress, grow and #COMEUP, those around you should do the same, and you should notice a shift in your social climate. Consider it this way, if you are the richest, or most productive person in your crew, maybe you should reconsider. Surround yourself with people that encourage and inspire you to do and be better, not those that are comfy and complacent.

Birds of a feather right, ?

[pursuitofnappiness]

Just Do It.

Think of something, anything. What have you been telling you self, “I’m going to do _______.” “ I need to do_________” “I think doing _______ will help me”.  That is both great and dandy, but where is the action? What is the hold up? 

9/10 the hold up is YOU. 

Release the doubts and apprehension and take the first step towards what you want and need to do. It is time for a change, stop running from it and run with it. Run into your goals and allow them to lead you to your dreams. Sure, it is easier said than done, but anything worth having , surely is worth the effort. Make a plan. Put it into words, write it down. Outline, in detail, where you want to be, or what you want to do. Consider all influencing factors and then evaluate the time and resources that you have.  Maybe you have financial responsibilities and other obligations that currently prevent you from completely embarking on your journey to …whatever. Well, find something minor, that can still be beneficial to what you want/need to do and tackle that first. Work within your means, but do not allow your perception of what you can’t do stop you. #theCOMEUP begins and ends with the same person, you. 

Take control, take action, JUST DO IT!