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Pasuko na Pero Kaya pa

Hindi ko mahal ang karerang pinili ko. Inaamin ko. Nasilaw ako sa ganda at rangya ng titulong pinaghahawakan ng kurso ko. Hindi ko sya gusto at kailan man hindi ko lubos maisip na tatagal ako dito. Humingi ako ng gabay sa Diyos. Na kung ito man ang daan na para sakin ay pahihirapan ako. Mahirap na kakayanin. Dalawang beses akong naging Freshman. Naranasan kong maging irregular student. Na-singko na ko sa major subjects at engineering Math ko. Bulong ko Sakanya,"Hindi ko yata kaya to." Pero habang iniisip ko na susuko na ko, bigla biglang dumarating yung mga panahon na napapadali yung gawa ko ng plates, nakakapasa ko sa exams sa calculus. Tae. PASADO ANG PLATES KO. Naisip ko, ayaw ng Diyos na sumuko ako. Iyan ang pinanghawakan ko. Oo Irregular ako. Oo marami akong back subjects. Nasakin na lahat ng rason para bumitaw. At aaminin ko. Isang daliri nalang ang kumakapit para karera kong ito. Pasok. Uwi. Guhit. Bura. Guhit. Bakat. Sukat. Bilang. Sukat. Tinta. Rolyo. Latag. Guhit. At ulit ulitin pa. Walang hinto. Walang time out. At nasilayan ko na naman ang araw. Pasok. Aral. Aral. Exam. Sagot. Review. Kain. Aral. Uwi. Guhit. At ulit ulitin pa. Nakakapagod ang buhay ko bilang estudyante. Arkitektong estudyante. Hindi excuse ang sakit. Hindi excuse ang puyat. Tinta ang puhunan para sa gradong tres sa Finals. Nakakapagod. Oo. Aaminin ko. Nagsasawa ako. At ang bulong Sakanya, "Kung ito ay para sakin talaga, alam kong ibibigay Niyo po saakin ito na matutumbasan ang pagod piyat at sakit na dala nito. Kung bumagsak man ako ay tatanggapin ko." At hindi Niya ginawang madali ang hiling ko. Dumating ang araw ang Qualifying. Akala ko ay handa ako. Pero hindi ang katawan ko. Kumirot ang kanang tenga ko. Hindi ako makarinig nang matino. Hindi ko maituon ang isip ko nang buo sa papel ko. Sinabayan pa ng pagsusulit sa mathematics. Nasabi ko sa sariki, "bakit kasi pinipilit ko pa eh hindi ko naman gusto?" Nagdaan ang ilang araw at natapos ang exam. Hindi ako kampante pero hindi rin naman ako nalulungkot sa magiging resulta. "Kung hindi,hinto. Kung oo, pang arkitekto ko." Isa,dalawa,tatlo.

NEW LOOK FOR NEW ME. HAHAHAHAHAHA

#HinulugangTaktak #BreakMuna

#hinulugangtaktak #breakmuna

Taba+Payat kayo na bahala sa sagot. Lol. Missyoooouuu Kambaaaaal @ohnanajhoanna

My Kambal. Late upload. Hahahaha @ohnanajhoanna

My twin sister at heart. Loveyoooouuuuuuuu hahahahaha @ohnanajhoanna

Don't ever trust people anymore.

Research+Hilata=???? Let the sleepless nights begin. #11DaysToGo

#11daystogo

Being too emotional

How can I retrieve that confidence if everyone always bring me down and no one intends to help me go back?

Save this girl from the depths of her own insecurities. Lift her spirit up again for she glows when she gives out her best in herself.

YoursTruly

Ito pala ang Hiniling Ko

Binasa ko ulit ang sulat ko. Sulat ko na inalay ko para sa Dating Ikaw na pinapaalala ko sa Bagong Ako. Ang tagal na. Pero eto pa rin ang drama ko. Nakakalas ka na sa gapos ng nakaraan Tuluyan ka nang nakalaya sa mapait nating karanasan Kinalimutan mo ang istoryang minsan nating binuo nang magkasama Storyang walang AKO walang IKAW. TAYO lang ang meron Sadyang tinalikuran mo na ang alalang minsang nagpasaya satin Ang alalang naging PINAKAIMPORTANTE satin. Binalewala mo na lahat yun. Pero ako, kamustahin mo, o kahit wag na Dahil kita mo sa mata ko ang hinayang Hinayang sa panahong sinayang Sinayang sa walang kwentang sumbatan Sumbatang nauwi sa pagkakalabuan Malabong tila naging malinaw Malinaw na katotohanang wala na Nang mapansin ko'y wala ka na. Ikaw na minsang nagpasaya Ikaw na pumupunas sa aking luha Ikaw na laging kwela Ikaw na humahawak sa nanginginig kong kamay Ikaw na pinagkatiwalaan kong magprotekta Sa puso kong dinurog mo lang pala Ikaw na sa pagtitig pa lamang ay kilala ko na Ikaw na nawala at di na bumalik pa Gumawa tayo noon ng mundo Na kung saan iinog lang sayo at saakin Pero ang mundong ito ay di na umikot Mundong nagkaroon ng maling plano Plano sa daan na naghiwalay ang TAYO Gumawa ka na ng mundo Mundo na walang AKO Ikaw at SYA lang ang naroon May daan na itong masusi mong pinaplano Kasama nyong binubuo May malaman, mas makulay Nasa kurso man ako ng Arkitekto Pero kailan man hindi ako nakapagdisenyo Ng may pahiwatig na SAYA o LIGAYA Sa pangalan ko lang ang may LIGAYA Pero matagal tagal ko pa ulit siguro bago mahanap iyan Kasabay nya kasing nawala ang Dating AKO AKO na simple Ako na walang pangamba Ako na walang takot Ako na matibay. Gusto kong hanapin ang ganitong AKO. Sana mahanap ko sya at paalalahanan sya na wag na ulit syang mawawala Dahil hindi sasapat ang Bagong AKO kung wala sya. Yayakapin ko sya at sasabihing, mas mahal ko sya kaya wag nyang hayaang malubog sya sa realidad. Magiging masaya rin sya. Magiging masaya din AKO.

Hi. It's been months since the last time I've been here. And I still don't know what to write here. But these past few days, I am utterly curious as to how does age gap affect relationships? Can someone answer me? I'm really into that. And I can't keep my mind out of it. Well, as usual I'm as low esteemed as ugly duckling. Nl matter what angle I look, there's only one idea pops. I really am a ONE BIG FAT UGLY GIRL. So that is the main reason why no one really approached me. I'm a DUFF. Designated Ugly Fat Friend. That's what I really am. High school friends, college. Name it. I'm the Duff. And I can't help myself from feeling disgusted. I mean, I just want to feel beautiful. But that's not gonna happen. Ugly. Ugly. Ugly. Ugly. I think I'm ugly And nobody wants to love me Just like her I wanna be pretty Don't lie to my face telling me I'm pretty Cause I know I'm UGLY

On Process

I woke up one day, with a different kind of feeling. And I just thought, “Why am I not getting tired of living in a false hope?”

Realization stroke my mind. Maybe the last time, it was really my fault. And in some way, you don’t deserve to be hated by someone as coward as me.

Now that I’m out of your life completely, I wish that someday both of us can find our very own happiness. Because I know, though you have tons of women yo date with, enjoying their company, I can see right through you that you are not purely happy with that. And I’m not sarcastically wishing for it. I do really hope that someday, you can find a woman whom you’ll really take seriously.

Words slip through my mind. And I can’t stop them.

I now don’t have the right to feel betrayed. I’m now out of the picture. May God forgive you for you do not know what you are doing right now. And May God save my soul for letting myself be fed from negative emotions. And he actually did.

Now, I am walking in a path where it leads me to my most awaited God’s masterpiece. It may be a long journey but I know that it will be worth waiting for. Praise be to God.

Will You Come And Find Me?

For the past 3 yeaes, I've been a sober. Afraid. I underestimate my whole being. I always tell myself that I am just too unpretty to notice by some. My face is nothing special. I have pimples which is too stubborn to treat. I have dark complexion but I'm satisfied with it. I got big thighs for my 4'11" height. And also, I'm fat. Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all. It's just merely a saying but for me, it wss the hardest pf them all. Well it started when my first and last (as of now) boyfriend dumped me. I guess I can't blame him. It happened when I was in my senior yr in high school. Where curiousity is my number one enemy. No one courted me when I was in high school (magpasahanggang ngayon). Then, the he was, the first and the last guy to do it. He was, well, I truly must say an amazing guy. Kindhearted, funny, easy to be with and most of all very skillful. I felt safe when he's around. That was the reason why I fell in love with him. We dated only for 4 months. And those were my most wonderful moments I ever had. But not for him... We broke up with no proper closure. And the reason? Well, unfortunately he found himself with another girl while in a relationship. And it happened to be one of our classmates and "muntikang" friend. After that nightmare I can't avoid yo compare myself to that girl. She's tall, fair and has a white complexion. 180° opposite of me. From that moment, I always tell myself, "Hindi ka kase maganda kaya iniwan ka. Maitim ka. Pandak. Inday." All of miserable description, name it. I always think that. I tried to look pretty. I cut my hair. Apply make up. Look nice and feminine. But no matter what I do, it's not enough. Months passed. I just got a news that they broke up. And he came back to me asking for another chance. I said no but he's persistent. After 3 months i think? I accepted him again but it only lasted for 3 days because I'm a coward. He felt devastatingly humiliated and betrayed. But only for weeks. He fell in love with his so called bestfriend which was our hs classmate and also his ex's bestfriend. And I dunno what really happened between them but I knew that they were dating secretly. Mga pakitang tao. But before everyone knew it, they fought and then act like nothing happened. After a week he had a girlfriend again. And again. And again. But me? I'm still single for 3 and a half years. I'm still thinking why? Bakit naunahan nya kong sumaya? I thought no one will ever love me and accept me for who I am. That's why I've built my own complex. I pull my own confidence down. I started being concious and unsatisfied with what I have. So, right this moment, I have finally decided to push myself up. But I don't know how to start again. I wish someone will come and save me from my own demons. I hope I'll find him soon. But before that, I have to learn to accept, forgive and love myself. May God help me with my goals.

seuteppi

T.O.P’s big lightstick vs Bae’s regular lightstick HAHAHAHA (x)

g-dragno

나도딸바보되고싶다 I want to be a daughter’s fool.

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