Putting Columbo In Situations

You spend enough time doin this, you end up in a lot of weird situations. Maybe I could end up in yours. Owned and operated by @momoguido

[putting-columbo-in-situations]

Gee whiz, what a website

So apparently we've got this thing called an ask box. You press a button and type in some situation, and bam, I end up there. You know, it's a real weird feelin, being dropped into a situation like that, just out of the blue you've got to really think on your feet, like a detective would, you ever see any of them detective shows? My wife loves em. Me, I think they're alright, but she's watchin em every night like clockwork.

Anyway, if you want to put me into some half-baked situation, just click on that ask button. Unless it's not there, of course, in which case maybe I'm in too many situations for me to handle. Boy if that isn't every day.

The one running this operation is @momoguido. Any time I do something out of character, it's her fault. Go easy on her though, and keep in mind she only knows a couple a fandoms, she'll have to do real detective work for most others, so any information you can provide will be very helpful.

Oh and one more thing, it's nothing big but just, we've got some tags, just to keep things organized. #situation for when I'm in a situation, #not a situation for when it's other posts, like this one, and #ooc for when it's an out-of-character post.

[putting-columbo-in-situations]

Columbo is at a perfectly innocent Murder Mystery Party (as in a hosted event/game)

Now let's see, uh, so one of you is going to, well we're all gonna take slips outta this hat see, and one of you is going to, uh, you'll be the killer. Oh I mean not really, it's all pretend see. But the person who gets picked as the killer has to pretend like they did it but they're trying to hide it, oh we've got some clues and props for you.

Anyway once that's out of the way, you'll all have little backstories, roles to take on. None of it real, of course, but it's a fun way to pass the time.

Oh me? No I'll just be hosting. No good clocking off work just to do my job in my free time too. No I'll just be serving the food, keeping track of when clues have to come out, oh I hope you all like chilli because that's what we're having for dinner, yeah my wife made it, she makes a great chilli.

Oh and just one more thing, nothing big it's just, have fun.

[putting-columbo-in-situations]

put lumbo on a roller coaster :) or amusement park maybe he don't like rollercoasters

This is a remarkable contraption, you know it's amazing what they can do with just steel and some cables. Remarkably safe too, you'd have to be really trying hard to get hurt on one of these things. Oh yeah they got safety systems like you wouldn't believe. It's redundant too, you know even if one thing breaks or stops working, there's something else will keep you safe. Yeah even if the whole ride breaks down, you might have a crummy day but you're not going to get badly hurt. Yeah unless someone went to a lot of effort to get past all those safety systems, really intentionally set things up to go wrong... Oh but that would never happen.

Why am I saying this? Oh, no reason. Just something interesting to think about. Oh look, we're at the top of the hill! This is gonna be great.

(fade to black, then fade in to the exit of a roller coaster. Columbo somehow looks even more disheveled than usual.)

Come to think of it, the ground is a real safe place to be too. I think I'll stay down here from now on.

[putting-columbo-in-situations]

There's just one thing bothering me, oh you know whenever there's something that just doesn't add up, it bothers me. And so I can't help but wonder, you said it's sixty guys did this right? But he was only stabbed twenty three times. It just doesn't add up.

[maxknightley]

spend the night with me, baby... you'll find out why they call me "the sexual columbo"

[maxknightley]

every time you think I'm at my limit it turns out I'm down for one more thing

[putting-columbo-in-situations]

You'd think that, you really would. You know, I had someone call me that one time. Said it was because I talked her ear off the whole time. Said I hadn't listened to a word she said, can you believe that? Oh I admit I do go on a bit, but you know the really funny thing about that? After me talking that whole time, seems like I knew her better than she realized. Really managed to catch her off guard. Anyway my wife says that she's never been simultaneously so angry and so in love. Ain't that something?

[putting-columbo-in-situations]

Fried Green Tomatoes spoilers

Ribs? Oh no thanks. Have you got any chili?

Oh yeah I know, the case is closed, it's just there's something bothering me, oh it's probably nothing. It's just, they said he was eaten by fish, right? I guess some fish will eat just about anything, won't they? I mean, if it's not running away why wouldn't they?

But I've never heard of a fish that eats bones. They're so tough and not very nutritious, that's why most animals don't bother with them. You know what owls do with bones? They throw them back up. Ain't that something?

So anyway, I'm thinking to myself, where did those bones go? And then I think, well my wife takes them out with the trash. But fish don't take out trash, do they?

Hey, you know something funny? I was reading something about people who are forced into cannibalism, dark stuff I know. But it turns out human meat tastes just like pork. Ain't that something?

Anyway, like I said, the case is closed. But I just wanted to make sure I wasn't leaving anything off the table, I was considering every angle. I don't like loose ends, you know?

[zettatoad]

columbo should be public domain. he should be allowed to show up in anything. the columbo episode should be one of the standard types of tv episode like the beach episode or the episode where a character shrinks and explores the insides of someone's body

[putting-columbo-in-situations]

The public domain? Gee whiz. I dunno about that. Guy like me, just showing up in other shows? Well sure it could happen, stranger things have happened than that, but golly it sure is an odd idea. One day I'm on the beach, the next day I'm in the mountains being chased by vampires. Wouldn't that be something?

[putting-columbo-in-situations]

If you could just hear me out, it's probably crazy, just this is bothering me. Oh I'm not gonna say Julius was a great guy, but a man is dead. Now, my wife, she always says it's easy to remember the bad parts of a person, but the good stuff gets forgotten, and I guess that's how this has to be.

The thing that's bothering me is that Brutus was saying, this Julius guy, he's ambitious, you know? And that's pretty bad if it's true, and definitely turned out bad for him, that's for sure. But Brutus, he said it was alright for me to look into things and get you up to speed on my findings. Great guy, that Brutus, all those guys are swell.

Now this Julius, he was a friend of mine. Brutus says he was ambitious, and Brutus is a great guy, but I'm just not sure. He sure brought a lot of folks into Rome, brought in a lot of money, all for the people, isn't that something? But ambitious? Gee I dunno. I even saw him crying just cause someone else was. Doesn't seem all that ambitious to me, is what I'm saying.

Now, I'm sure Brutus is right when he says Julius was ambitious. He's a great guy after all, really knows his stuff. I'm just here to make sure all the loose ends are tied up.

Just one thing is bothering me: why isn't anyone mourning him?

[dragonsheepstudios]

whenever I see gimmick blogs I don't consider that they have a separate main blog or anything else. That's just what they do all the time. God put them on the internet to count the number of lobsters in other posts and nothing else.

[putting-columbo-in-situations]

Gollee gee, there sure are a lot of gimmick blogs on this site. Imagine that: just spending all day counting lobsters? I'd get bored if that was me, I'm the kinda person who'd need to do other things. My wife she's always telling me, "once you settle on something you never let go of it," but I dunno, I don't think I'm as persistent as those guys.

Oh and one more thing, oh it's probably nothing, but I just found out you can have more than one blog on this site. Amazing that they let you do that. I wonder what kind of person would need more than one blog, though.

[ghostinthebathroom]

I had a dream about Columbo at a drag show. This is what came from it.

[putting-columbo-in-situations]

So you're telling me this chili is made from dragon meat? Gee whiz, I thought it was just like some of that ground pork like my wife uses. She makes a real good chili, you know that? I'm always telling her, you should open a restaurant. But dragon meat, golly.

(Dungeon Meshi spoilers below)

Now anyway, about your sister. See, the thing that's bothering me is that, if she'd been in the dragon's stomach for as long as you say she was, well then what's gonna happen to her? When I eat this chili, it doesn't just stay there, it gets taken up into my blood and gives me energy. So what I'm wondering is, how much would even be left of her after all that? What would there even be to resurrect?

But you know the crazy thing is, I was reading some grimoires, you know when a case is really bothering me and I can't sleep too well, I always like to have some reading around, and lately it's been grimoires, so I'm there reading a grimoire when all of a sudden what do I see, but an article all about this forbidden technique for taking the flesh of an animal and using it to replace missing parts on someone you're resurrecting.

I know you wouldn'a used something like that though. Way too dangerous. The flesh you use ends up conferring aspects of itself on the person you're tryin' to resurrect, it's a whole mess. Anyone who is skilled in the healing arts and resurrection would know better than to try that. You know, it's almost like a battle mage did it. Wouldn't that be crazy? A battle mage resurrecting someone?