you are the only one

ruqaiya linden, all my senses come to life as i'm stumbling home as drunk as i have ever been

[qaiyasmh-blog]

rohanffs:

Everything felt like it used to. There were no longer the thoughts that had lingering since she’d first said goodbye, no more wondering if she’d ever come back, any thought of Jason was out the window and half way to the next down. Nothing else mattered, nothing but the beauty before him and how he was finally getting the chance to make up for lost time. His own breath was already ragged, the rush running through him heating up every inch of him, only making him crave her more than he did right then, more than he had the last handful of months. And God, she was even sexier than he remembered, the feeling of her hips rolling down against his hand had him aching for more. He missed having her, missed being so close to her. And so desperately he wanted to just go for it, skip all the foreplay and just have her. But that was never Rohan’s style, and he didn’t plan to start that now. Her words had a throaty groan leaving him, lips parting against her skin before sucking hard at her skin, fingers continuing the circular motion against her. Scraping his teeth along the mark, he smirked lightly before his gaze was lifted up towards her. “Might have to cover that up,” Rohan breathed against her skin, lips traveling down until they found her chest, eyes flickering up towards her face as he pressed open mouthed kisses along her skin before his tongue was slipping out and licking right along her nipple. The pressure of his fingers had increased just slightly, however after a moment he was pulling his hand away and bring his two fingers to his lips and sucking on them for a short moment before bringing his lips over to her other breast and allowing his tongue to trace over her nipple teasingly. “Tell me how much you missed me, babe,” Rohan mumbled against her skin, just before suctioning his lips around her nipple, sucking lightly as he brought his now wet fingers back down, his fingertip tracing along her opening before slowly pushing it inside. Closing his eyes for a moment, he attempted to ignore the aching between his own leg, his finger stopping at the knuckle before creating a slow rhythm, pushing it in and out of her as his tongue circled her nipple again.

It was like she hadn’t left him at all. There was no regret where it nestled under her breast bone, like the time she spent crying over her own mistake wasn’t wasted. The ache in his stomach that she usually tried to ignore, the ache of missing him and wanting everything to go back to normal disappeared as she felt his skin against her own. Rohan lit something inside her much that brought out every single desire and want she had been suppressing. Like her body was reacting to his touch, the kiss resembling a catalyst that had just caused everything to fall into place. A soft moan left her lips as he sucked what she knew was one of his marks into her neck, her smooth skin now stained with his own burning desire. She dug her nails into his shoulder blades when she felt his teeth against her skin, eyes fluttering close. “Leave it, let him know only you can make me feel this way” Qaiya whispered, rocking her hips forward and against his fingers desperately. The pleasure that simmered across her abdomen coupled with the feel of his tongue against her nipple had her eyes rolling back and a whine slipping past her lips, “Fuck - Rohan, just like that. It feels so good” She whimpered at the loss of his touch, eyes snapping open in time to catch him bring his fingers to his mouth. Qaiya let out a groan as he leaned forward, far from her lips and onto her nipple. When she felt the press of his finger, she felt her own thighs tremble in anticipation, eyes rolling shut once more. “I missed you so much - missed how you made me feel” She panted, hips moving slow like honey against his finger. Qaiya slid her hand to his cheek, bringing him up to kiss her slow, her tongue darting out to lick into him in search for her own taste. “You always make me feel so good Ro, better than anyone else” She murmured against his lips, biting down gently and tugging back gently. “And I just want to make you feel good, like how you make me feel”

[rohanffs]

There was so much flying through Rohan’s head in that moment. How wrong it was, how right it felt, how he never wanted to let her go ever again. He chose to ignore those thoughts, knowing they’d only hurt him in the end. His focus stayed on the kiss, his tongue tracing along hers as his fingers carded gently through her blonde locks. Feeling her pull back caused his heart to stop for a moment, eyes flying open just in time to catch her pulling her own shirt off. There was a short, breathy laugh leaving his lips as he watched her move so fast, his hands lifting to gently grip her hips and run up her stomach towards her chest before he felt her tugging at his own shirt. Bringing his hands to hers, her guided them out of the way before he was hastily reaching under and lifting his own shirt over his head, tossing it to the side.“You’re so beautiful,” Rohan found himself mumbling, just before his lips were crashing against hers again, his hands finding theirr way to waistline of her skirt and sliding back until he felt the metal zipper. Easily unzipping it, he gave the fabric a small push before it was slipping from her body and his hands were at her hips, lifting her up until she was seated on the counter and his own hips were between her legs. It was hard to believe it had been so long since he’d had this, his heart was pounding, the familiar arousal pooling within him, and he just couldn’t get enough. The kiss became more desperate, his hand finding the side of her face again and keeping it close, fingertips sliding into her soft hair. His other hand rested on her hip, his thumb rubbing small circles against her hip bone. Pulling back from the kiss just enough to press his forehead against hers, he locked his gaze with her as the hand on her hip slid down, fingertips gently moving over the thin fabric of her panties before he was tracing small circles against her. “I’ve wanted you so bad, Qaiya,” Rohan breathed before his finger waas guiding the fabric to the side, allowing his finger to run along her slit teasingly. “Missed you so much,” he added, voice a breathy groan as he added slight pressure against her clit as he rubbed it, head dipping down to press a trail of kisses along her neck, nipping lightly at her skin.

[qaiyasmh-blog]

It was starting to feel normal. Like they were still a couple. He still remembered where to touch her, how to make her eyes roll back. He still knew how to reduce her into a puddle of moans and soft sounds, desperate for more. As soon as his own shirt was discarded, she found her fingers trailing down his chest, drawing circles into his abdomen, the touch hot and smooth. And even despite the break up, he still found her beautiful. It had only made her crave him even more, crave what they had before she had ruined things. Qaiya reached her hand up to his neck, fingers snaking into his hair, secured in a messy bun as he unzipped her skirt, letting it fall and pool around her ankles. She was so worked up, longing for him and his touch. When he lifted her onto her counter, she wrapped her legs around his waist, drawing him closer. It was getting harder to focus on just kissing him when his hand had trailed down to her hip bone, her mind drifting to where it might end up next. When Rohan pulled away, she found herself chasing after his lips anyways, eyes fluttering open. “I’m here now” She let out a soft sigh as his fingers brushed across her slit. Qaiya’s hand slid out of his hair and down his arms, gripping at his bicep lightly. She let her eyes flutter close as she tipped her head back, rolling her hips down onto his fingers. “I missed you, still miss you” Qaiya found herself muttering as she pressed her palms against the cool counter, holding herself up. The overwhelming pleasure that pooled hotly across into her abdomen, the soft moans that slipped past her lips reminded her of a much more happy and content Qaiya - with Rohan. “Yeah,” She breathed out, eyes fluttering open as Rohan left a chain of kisses across her skin, hands sliding under his arm and digging gently into his shoulder blades. 

[rohanffs]

Impossible. She was making it completely impossible for Rohan to do the right thing. Then again, when was turning down the only person you could ever love down the right thing? Sure, she had a boyfriend. But that boyfriend stabbed him in the back in order to take her. He didn’t do the right thing. And Raiya hadn’t done the right thing by choosing him either. Maybe doing the right thing wasn’t all that right after all. If it left him alone and heartbroken, then maybe it was time to try another route. And all her kisses, all her words. They were doing a very good job at convincing him to give in like deep down, he already knew he would. Letting her speak, Rohan kept quiet as he kept his eyes glued to her, taking in each word as she spoke. It was watching her lean in that had Rohan’s stomach twisting, and the moment he felt those soft lips against his he was ready to throw out any resistance he had left. “I want you,” Rohan found himself groaning against her lips, eyes closing as he pressed a harder kiss against her lips, the hand on her cheek sliding back to tangle into her hair as the other hand tugged her tight against himself. He needed her closer, as close as he could get her. Focusing on the kiss, his lips to allow his tongue to slip out, teasingly running along her lower lip. There was still the lingering taste of alcohol on her lips, but beyond that everything felt right. The way their lips moved together, how their bodies seemed to fit perfectly pressed together. Rohan couldn’t even think about changing his mind, and prayed that with him giving in that she wouldn’t change hers either.

[qaiyasmh-blog]

A small part of her was afraid, that he didn’t want her. That Rohan would wake up and push her away. That missing her was a bad idea and bringing her into his home was even worse. But just as she was ready to pull back and apologize, leave his house, she found him pressing back against her. Qaiya felt the wind get knocked out of her, her fingers pressing firmly against his hip bone. To hear that he had wanted her, to feel that he had wanted her just as much as she wanted him was enough to send her into a frenzy. Qaiya opened her mouth obediently, tongue tentative as it sought out for his own. As they kissed, the taste of the alcohol on her tongue slowly disappearing, she found her body burning with a sort of fire that spread instantly. Pulling back just enough, she pulled her crop top up and over her head, flung away and discarded before her lips found his instantly. It felt good to be pressed up against him, so close that she was stepping forward just enough. Qaiya wasn’t ever shy with Rohan, not anymore. And ever since then, ever since she had found her comfortability with him, she never looked back. She couldn’t focus on one thing. From his lips to his touch to the way he tasted or the way they were just so close but not enough. Qaiya was almost frustrated as she tugged at the hem of his shirt. 

[rohanffs]

Rohan had a false hope that the movie would somehow change her mind. A hope even he knew was very unlikely. Feeling the next kiss against him had a shaky breath leaving his own lips, his heart racing already. Rohan was racking his brain for the easiest way out, although every thought that  popped into his head he dismissed, not sure he was ready for this moment to end. As he felt her teeth against his skin, his eyes fell closed, exhaling slowly as his nails drug against the counter top as some way of keeping himself from doing anything rash. Between her words and the hand under his shirt, Rohan could feel the goosebumps forming on his skin, breath already slightly labored when her lips moved towards his jaw. She knew what she was doing, it was obvious and Rohan didn’t mind. Everything in him screamed for more as she kissed along every spot she knew he had always liked a lot. “You’re drunk,” was all that Rohan could think of to respond to her question. The hand on her side had traveled up her back, resting just below her shoulder blades as the hand on the counter moved towards her before lifting it and bringing it to the side of her face and forcing her gaze up to meet his. “You’re with Jason, and you’re upset. And I’m here and you’re just.. comfortable. Don’t do anything you’re going to regret, okay? Because there is only so much resisting I can do.. and I really don’t want you hating me for taking advantage of you or something..” Rohan’s voice was as serious as he could manage beyond the slight shakiness. It was proving impossible to even function with her this close, the kisses she left leaving ghosts behind that he could still feel tingling against his skin. And God, did he want more. All he wanted was to have her completely, to feel connected to her again in a way he was confident she could never share with anyone else, especially not Jason.

[qaiyasmh-blog]

A soft noise left her lips as she shifted, enough to drop kisses along the underside of his jaw. While Rohan throwing excuses at her could be enough to fend her off, she didn’t want to stop. “I know I’m drunk” Qaiya replied easily, lips murmuring against his skin, barely touching. She missed it all too much. She missed him all too much. Even as his hands skirted up her back and to her shoulders, she knew that this wasn’t one sided. And maybe it had been unfair of her to do this, with Jason and while she was drunk but she knew what she wanted and who she wanted, even if she was intoxicated. As he turned her to look at him properly, staring up at his soft brown eyes that she had missed all to much, she shook her head lightly. “I won’t regret this. I know what I want and I know that it’s you” She tried not to shift under his gaze, “This is the first time I’ve been comfortable in a long time Ro, I’m always comfortable with you” Qaiya whispered, lifting herself on her toes just enough to brush her lips against his. “You don’t have to resist me, you know” She kissed him softly, her fingers finally pressed against his abdomen. All the words he had said to her when they were together rushed through her mind, only thoughts of Rohan clouded. “No one’s taking advantage of anyone if I want this. I want you” Qaiya murmured, lips skating to the corner of his mouth where she pressed another kiss. “Only if you want me” 

[rohanffs]

Being this close to her again was a bittersweet feeling. Sweet for the obvious reason of having missed her for so long. All he had wanted since she left was to have her pressed up against him, his fingers in her hair, to feel her every little movement. But bitter because he knew it was going to end. She wouldn’t be staying every night, she wouldn’t be there two days from now to wake up to in the morning. She would be off with her own boyfriend for all he knew. And the thought left a very sour flavor in his mouth. He took another sip as she reached for her own glass, his eyes closing as he swallowed down the cold water before feeling her moving beside him. Just as he set his own cup down, he felt his body freeze, the hand that had been on his cup moving to the counter’s edge and gripping it tight, her lips finally pressing against his. Rohan had heard her question but was having an impossible time trying to think of what to say. He knew what he was supposed to say, he should be saying now, pulling away before going and making the bed for her. Yet he stood there silent, lips parting as she pressed a second kiss against his skin. His free hand moved to rest against her lower back, the whole moment feeling all too familiar, guiding her just a little closer as she gripped his shirt. “You probably shouldn’t..” Rohan breathed, eyes opening to glance down at her, knowing very well that his body language was going completely against what he was saying. But it felt impossible not to pull her closer, especially when she kissed him right there. “C'mon, we can put on a movie or something,” Rohan found himself attempting to distract her, his voice hardly over a whisper as he urged himself to be the good guy that he always was.

[qaiyasmh-blog]

Qaiya’s body was almost working against her even though it was everything she wanted. She missed it so much, being this close, being able to touch him. Her heart felt so light, she felt at ease again, body lax. When she felt his hand pressed against her back, she found herself smiling lightly against his skin before she dropped another kiss, this time hot and open mouthed. “I know” Qaiya mumbled, a little more confident in her actions. She wanted to continue until he was blatantly telling him she couldn’t, that she should stop and that he didn’t want it. She even grazed her teeth against his skin, nipping lightly at it before letting her tongue peek out of his mouth just enough to sooth at the sting. “But I want to. I want you Ro” She added, slipping her finger just under the hem of his shirt, tilting her head up to kiss softly at the bolt of his jaw. The overwhelming desire to be with him wasn’t small enough to be soothed with a movie. She wanted to be closer, she wanted to be in his arms again, feel the love she knew he felt. The love she knew she felt herself. It was different with Rohan. He knew her so well, knew what she wanted and what she needed. It was like every single touch was what her body craved even if she didn’t know. Qaiya made a soft noise in disapproval at his suggestion, feet planted firmly. She brushed her nose against his skin just barely as she kissed just behind his ear. “Don’t you want this?” She found herself asking, voice quiet as her free hand came to trail down his chest. 

[rohanffs]

There was such a surreal feeling to all this. Lately his home had known no one but him, and his mom when she occasionally popped by with dinner claiming he wasn’t feeding himself enough, but more so just to have a reason to come snoop and check up on him. But having Raiya back there had way too much going through him. The memories. They filled these walls and he’d spent the last few months trying to forget them. Trying not to remember how she’d laugh so loud it would fill the small space. Or how she’d walk around in nothing but one of his t-shirts. Or how they’d managed to make out on pretty much ever square inch of the place. It had taken him so long to not see this place as theirs, despite it only being his name on the rental agreement, she had been there too, for so long. And now she was back, making the space feel so much more complete. Just as he poured the two glasses, he reached out to grab one, gulping down a large sip, setting the glass back down with a shaky hand as he tried to pull himself together. Before he even had a chance to bring her the cup he was feeling her hand on his back, eyes closing for a moment as he sucked in a deep breath. There was something about the way she had said his name that had him feeling even weaker than he already was, eyes opening to glance down and see her resting against him. “Yeah?” Rohan breathed, hesitating for a moment before letting his hand rest on her waist again, gaze locked on her. “I have your water,” he added, reaching for the full glass and sliding it to the edge of the counter in front of her. “Might be a good idea for you to lay down,” Rohan spoke softly, his hand rubbing soothingly along her side. “Don’t want you getting hurt, or sick, or something.”

[qaiyasmh-blog]

It was like the last six months hadn’t happened. That they had just gone home from a night out and they were freshening up in the kitchen. Except that hadn’t happened. Qaiya and Rohan weren’t even together. They were exes. And as much as it felt so right to be with him, pressed almost too close against him, she should have backed away. But she couldn’t. Even if she wanted to. It was like a magnetic force, somewhere. She was just drawn to him in a way she couldn’t explain. Like a part of her belonged with him anyways. Qaiya reached out for the glass, taking a small sip before muttering a small thanks. When she placed the glass back, she turned back to him. While the air was comfortable, something inside her had struck. Qaiya looked up at him, eyes tracing over every feature on his body. She couldn’t help herself even as she leaned in, her mind shouting at her that this was a bad idea. But everything inside her was working against her will as her lips hovered over his neck for a moment. Qaiya dropped a soft kiss against his skin, tentative. “Is this okay?” She whispered just before pressed her lips against the same spot, this time lingering for a little longer. It didn’t feel weird. Like nothing had changed. Her lips were so used to being pressed against his skin, every inch of it. Qaiya’s hands curled into his shirt once more as she pressed closer, her chest against his.

[rohanffs]

Rohan attempted to ignore all his thoughts. There were many screaming at him to pull over and just kiss her. Kiss her like he hadn’t been able to do in months. Then more telling him to be careful because she was with Jason, and he wasn’t there to mess whatever they had up. He were there to support her, because right then, she needed it. He had always known Qaiya was special to him, and even when things ended he knew she would never truly be gone. He just hadn’t expected her to be so close. Her words had him glancing over at her, offering a gentle smile. “Of course, I wasn’t going to leave you there like that, especially without a way home,” Rohan explained, focusing his eyes on the road ahead of him. He drove careful, half because he was a safe driver, and the other half because she was in the car and he was feeling extra protective. Just as he reached to turn the radio on for a little background noise, he heard her voice again. Turning it down so it was barely a buzzing whisper, he swallowed dryly, eyes fixed on the road. What was he supposed to say to that? What could he say that didn’t sound as if he were trying to take advantage of her in the state she was in. “It’s okay,” Rohan mumbled, giving her a quick look before focusing ahead, turning down his street. “I’m right here, Qaiya. I’m not going anywhere tonight,” he promised, teeth sinking into his lower lip as he pulled up into his driveway, shutting off the car and looking over at her again, a gentle smile forming on his lips. “Let’s get you inside.” Making his way around the car once he got out, Rohan pulled open the passengers side door before reaching in and unbuckling the seat belt for her before grabbing one hand and moving out of the way so she was able to get out. Once again, he moved his hand to her hip, tugging her body close as his free hand sorted through the keys on his ring before grabbing the house key, unlocking the door as they got up there before opening it for her. “Make yourself at home, I’ll get you some water,” Rohan spoke softly, following the blonde in and making sure to lock the door behind them before making his way into the kitchen, suddenly realizing just how badly he needed a drink of his own.

[qaiyasmh-blog]

Rohan just had a way with things. Maybe it wasn’t like that to everyone else but to Qaiya, he was just so well carried, he just knew what to say all the time. There was never a time Rohan had failed to cheer her up, assure her that he was there. He was perfect and it had only reminded her what a mess she had been when she left him. There wasn’t anyone else to blame but herself. Rohan was just too compassionate, even then, even now driving her back to his place. Qaiya knew it was hard, seeing as he was his best friend’s girlfriend. It didn’t matter that initially she had been his. Currently she was Jason’s. A part of her was glad, relieved that he hadn’t taken her home. She’d just missed him so much, gotten so used to being around him in the short time he had found her. The thought of not being around him again, after the ease that had rushed through her when they interacted again - not in the company of Jason but just the two of the, had made something inside her crumble. When Rohan finally pulled into the driveway, her eyes focused on the studio she used to be so familiar with. As her mind recognised the building, Rohan had opened the door and unbuckled her seat belt. She slipped out of the car, hand reaching for his shirt as she edged closer. With his hand on her hip, Qaiya found herself relaxing, almost no distress left in her. She just wanted to be close to him now, closer than now. When Rohan had gone to the kitchen to get her a glass of water, she had found herself following, a weird shiver running down her back. Qaiya pressed her hand against the small of his back, tentative as she leaned forward to rest her forehead against his shoulder. “Rohan” She breathed, heart pounding in her chest. Qaiya craved to get closer, her hand sliding around his waist. 

[rohanffs]

All Rohan could think about was how badly he wanted to make her feel better. He wanted to fix this night for her, go back and undo whatever had lead her there. Then again, he was almost happy in a way. Not to see her sad or crying, but that he’d even been a thought on her mind. That right then she was leaning on him just like she had for that year and a half whenever she needed him. Hearing her say she missed him caused his heart to beat heavy in his chest, blinking a few times as he willed himself to keep under control and stay calm. She was drunk. None of this meant anything but her needing someone whilst upset and intoxicated. “I’ve missed you too,” Rohan mumbled, nearly choking on his own words. His grip tightened on her waist as he watched her stumble, head shaking to himself as he realized just how worried for her he was. “Yeah, I’m parked right out front,” Rohan explained, slowly walking behind her and offering apologetic smile to the line of annoyed, drunk people. “We can go right now,” Rohan assured her, maneuvering them through the crowded house, noticing a few strange looks pointed right at them but he chose to ignore it. He was sure people would think what they wanted whether or not he chose to address the problem, she he decided to leave the explanation to another day. Once they got outside, Rohan moved beside her once again, his arm still firmly wrapped around her waist, attempting to keep his hands on the top of her skirt, but every couple of steps he found his skin brushing against hers which only caused his stomach to knot up. Pulling his keys out, Rohan guided her right up to his car and quickly reached out to unlock the door before pulling it open for her. He had to admit, he was even too scared to let her get in on her own, only causing him to guide her in before she was seated safely in the car. “Make sure to buckle,” Rohan told her before closing the door and running around to the drivers side. What was he doing? The last thing he should do is take her back to his place. Yet, as he got into the car and buckled his seat belt, all he could think about was how nice it would be to have her there again. Shaking back the thoughts, he quickly turned the key in the ignition, starting up the car before pulling out of his spot and driving down the familiar streets towards his studio.  

[qaiyasmh-blog]

While she felt like everything in her mind was cluttered, when she looked at Rohan it was clear cut. She just wanted to be with him, even if the excuse was that she was intoxicated. She’d just miss him, miss being around someone who meant something to her. Rohan was just someone so familiar, someone she never had to learn about. It clicked from the very start and while things had begun to crumble for her in the last six months of their relationship, it was still better than the three months she had with Jason. Everything with him had been a competition. He compared everything with what she had done with Rohan. Often she’d catch him asking certain things like when she had said I love you to Rohan and while she had said it fairly early into the relationship, it was different with Jason. He was more or less a distraction for Qaiya. He didn’t satisfy her emotional needs partially because she never let him. But being with Rohan was like muscle memory. She knew how to act around him. For the first time since they had broken up, she’d felt at home. As he led her outside towards the car, past the staring eyes that had her heart sinking even further in her chest, she found herself wondering. Maybe they had realised that she was never really content with Jason. Maybe they had known all along that it was Rohan for her. Shaking her head, she slipped into the front seat, her breathing already falling into an eased rhythm. Reaching for the seat belt, she leaned over to click it into place. “Thank you” Qaiya finally breathed out, eyes on the road in front of her. She swallowed thickly as she turned to him, “I’m sorry - I just, I can’t be alone. And I don’t want to be with anyone else. I need you” 

[rohanffs]

It broke his heart to see Qaiya like this. Rohan had never wanted things to end, and he still had some twisted hope that they weren’t over. That they were living out a real life chick flick where they would find their way back to each other no matter what, because that’s what true love was. And as far as Rohan was concerned, this was the truest he’d ever felt about anyone in his life. But ultimately, he wanted her happy. And right then, she was far from happy. It had Rohan’s stomach twisting, thinking about Jason making her feel any less than the wonderful girl sh was. “Sh, no,” Rohan whispered, tongue running along his dry lips as he focused on the girl before him. Hearing her question and the change in how she had been just moments ago had a breathy laugh leaving him, his head nodding response. “Really, I always do,” Rohan answered honestly, attempting to ignore the touch against his face. Everything she said, everything she asked had Rohan’s heart breaking more. Never once had he spoken an ill word about her. Not the nights he was full of anger and loneliness. Not when he watched her kissing his best friend. Not after almost a full week of barely getting an hour of sleep a night. Because she wasn’t a bad person, she didn’t deserve him or anyone judging her. If she wasn’t happy then she wasn’t happy, and although it killed him, he understood. “I could never think that, Qaiya. You’re beautiful, inside and out.” It was hard to keep himself from going on and on, there was so much he always wanted to say to her, to remind her that he loved her, and as far as he was concerned, he always would. The distance she created between them had Rohan realizing he was almsot forgetting to breathe, quickly taking a deep breath now that he was able to think a little cleared, hand lifting to wipe the wetness from his neck.“Yeah, um, yeah sure,” Rohan answered before he could allow himself to fully think about that. Inviting Qaiya back to his place, just the two of them alone. As if that would make anything easier. Standing himself up, he gave her hands a gentle pull, tugging her up onto her feet and quickly letting go of one hand to wrap his arm around her waist to give her support. “Lead the way, I got you,” Rohan assured her, letting go of her other hand almost reluctantly to rest it on her lower back as he moved behind her, wanting to be able he could catch her if needed.

[qaiyasmh-blog]

To think that Rohan still thought of her so highly, even after she had ruined the best thing in her life, ruined the boy before had only shattered her even more. She had met him so young, when all she knew was how to love and Rohan had been a bank she’d invested all her love in which was why she was so afraid. Qaiya was so young and stupid, she could have had her whole life ripped from right under her if she had made one stupid mistake. Rohan was older, surely he had been with other people. Qaiya was just an eighteen year old who had never felt love and she fell so hard for him, had made Rohan her entire life. It was only once they hit a year and a half did fear begin to grow into her heart. The idea that Rohan had no reason to stay and that her entire life - Rohan - could disappear and she’d be left without a warm body, soothing words or a loving heart. “I’ve missed you” She uttered honestly, wiping away at her wet cheek, a trail of gray on her wrist. Qaiya probably looked like a mess, her mascara smeared across her cheek, her cropped halter top rising way above desired and her skirt inched a lot higher than supposed to. As Rohan pulled her up, she felt her head spin as she grasped tighter, needing balance. “Did you drive?” She found herself asking, stumbling over her shoes as she walked out of the door. The sigh of relief coming from the many partygoers who wanted the bathroom had her curling closer towards Rohan, the deafening music only wearing her desire to be there thin. “I just want to get out of here”

[rohanffs]

It became apparent right away that Qaiya was far from okay. The way she wrapped her hand around his waist and scooted closer, her whole body moving with every cry she let out. And her words only proved his thought accurate. He swallowed as he felt her head against his knee, taking a deep breath as he attempted to stay calm despite the discomfort of the situation. He did his best to listen to her words, the crying making them a little hard to understand, but he caught the gist of it as he head lifted. The feeling of her hand moving up his arm had him inhaling sharply, exhaling a shaky breath as he was pulled closer, the hand that had previously been on her face moving to rest on his waist, the others wrapping around her shoulder and tugged her into a gentle hug. “You aren’t fucked up, Qaiya, don’t listen to that crap” Rohan breathed out, head turned towards her ear to make sure she could fully hear him through her crying and the music spilling into the bathroom. There was the occasional knock on the door, sure people were beyond pissed off by their occupancy, but he was more concerned with the sobbing girl in his arms than their full bladders. Allowing his fingers to lightly play with the ends of her hair, he couldn’t help the faint smile thinking about the fact that she wanted to see him. All he wanted every day was to see her, to hold her, to kiss her.. “Of course I wanted to see you,” Rohan answered honestly, giving her a gentle squeeze before pulling back. “I always miss that beautiful face, covered in tears or not. But maybe we should let the angry people use the bathroom? We can go outside, or I can take you home. We can talk as long as you need,” he explained, his finger tips playing with the ends of her hair for a moment before dropping his hand. “I won’t leave you until you tell me to, okay?”

[qaiyasmh-blog]

“I am Ro, I am” Qaiya sobbed even harder, hearing that the boy she had left to wallow in his own heart break had disagreed with her really spoke to her. She could feel her eyelashes brush against his neck, inevitably wetting his skin with her tears.  It was like he had completely forgotten what she had done to him less than a year ago, forgotten the way she had pulled her arm back and lied straight to his face. Despite the knocking from the other partygoers, she curled closer towards him, clutching at his shirt. She was so overcome with emotions, she found it difficult to calm down. But being in the comfort of Rohan had relaxed her more than when she was alone. With her eyes wide and watery, she leaned back to look at him, taking in a jagged breath as she sniffed her tears away. “Really? You still wanted to see me?” She squeaked out, her fingers reaching up clumsily to touch his face. “You don’t think I’m a horrible person?” Qaiya found herself asking, the words coming out involuntarily. She had wanted to ask him ever since she had come back into his life, now with Jason. Nodding hesitantly, she pulled away completely, hands sliding into Rohan’s instead, “Not home - not my home” She pleaded, “Can I stay with you? Until you want me to leave. I don’t think - I can with anyone else. Please Ro” 

[rohanffs]

It had taken a while after the break up for Rohan to even be able to go our with his friends. It was much thanks to Jason, having told him he needed to move on and that there were better girls out there. Rohan was very wiry of that, but he didn’t want to be another cliche, staying home all day painting depressing pictures while thinking about her. But when a week later he was getting a surprise visit from Jason to tell him the unthinkable, Rohan was very resentful. He had half a mind to not go anywhere he knew they’d be, and for a while he managed to get out of some of it. But months later, he was finding it impossible to deal with his friends and the constant nagging that he never came out anymore. So tonight, after dragging himself out of his studio with his hair up in a messy bun and a pair of paint splattered jeans and white t-shirt, he found himself at one of his friends places, music blaring, the smell of alcohol and weed filling the house. Rohan was never big on drinking, and it was starting to reach the point in the night where everyone but him was drunk and that was usually his cue to leave. That was, however, before his friend Parker was walking over to him and explaining that a certain blonde was crying for him. Rohan wasn’t sure what to think, at first not believing it, but not wanting to risk leaving the girl there crying on the bathroom floor. Pushing past the long line of people waiting for it, Rohan peeked his head in the bathroom, his stomach sinking as he recognized Qaiya, as well as his name leaving her. “Hey,” Rohan mumbled, forcing a comforting smile on his lips as he crouched on the floor beside her, hand lifting to push her hair out of her face and behind her ear. “You, uh, you were asking for me?” He asked, head tilting as he used the tip of his thumb to wipe a bit of smeared mascara from under her eye. “What’s wrong?” Rohan’s voice was soft and hushed, unable to hide the concern from his face. Despite what happened to them, despite the fact that she was dating his best friend, Rohan still loved her. And he was fairly certain seeing her cry would never be something that he was okay with.

[qaiyasmh-blog]

Qaiya really wasn’t sure why she had found herself crying for none other than Rohan. She had left him without so much as a proper reasoning other than she doesn’t love him anymore. He had no reason to come to her, or even talk to her. It was her fault from the very start and yet she found herself calling for the boy, the only person she knew understood her best. Her heart pounded desperately in her chest as the door opened and he had appeared, kneeling in front of her. When his hand came up to her cheek, her fingers circled instinctively around his wrist as she slid closer, shoulders shaking with every sob. “Everything” She cried out, hanging her head, her forehead resting barely on his knee. “Please, please” She begged him, fingers gripping tighter. “He left me here, he said I was fucked up. I know, I know but I didn’t need to hear it Ro, I didn’t but I just didn’t care that Jessica was sitting on his lap and whispering in his ear” Qaiya lifted her head, tears streaming down her cheeks all over again as she looked up at him. “I just don’t know where - I wanted to see you” She slid her hands up his forearms before one of them reached out and pulled Rohan closer, fingers curled in his shirt. “Say you wanted to see me - or don’t say anything at all. I can’t be here” Crying and being drunk never ended well with Qaiya. It left her nauseous and extra clingy, needing attention almost right away. 

[qaiyasmh-blog]

Jason had left Qaiya after a argument they had in the bathroom, not wanting to blow up in front of everyone. It definitely didn’t help the situation any better when she had pushed him, drunk and hurt after he said she was too fucked up to function like a normal person. It wasn’t her fault that she didn’t get jealous if he was bordering the line of cheating. He only ever did it because she never replied properly when he said he loved her. Luckily, he was level headed enough to step away and leave her crying on the cold tile floor. She couldn’t think for herself. She was just crying and confused and she felt even worse that he had left because all the memories of her father slamming the door shut in her face even after she had told him she forgave him had rushed back to her, the same memories that pushed her into doing the exact same to Rohan. And it was Rohan who she was calling out for, as she sobbed into her hands.