what we promised to our next life
Prompt number: 17 (”I’m with you, you know that.”)
Rating: teen and up audiences (may not be appropriate for audiences under 13)
For the past few days, Kangdae couldn’t get even a blink of sleep. It was only last week that Kangdae had to run all the way to Soomin’s kindergarten after her teacher told him that his daughter wasn’t looking very well. He was told that Soomin had been calling out to him, begging to be taken home by her father. It felt like his heart was broken when he took her in his arms that afternoon, carrying her all the way home although he did take the taxi so he wouldn’t risk getting her even more sicker by outside exposure.
That night, Kangdae sat on the floor next to her bedside, holding her hand in his bigger one while the other stroked her hair softly and repeatedly. He stopped for a moment to place the back of his hand on her forehead, relieved that the fever had begun to die down. Soomin didn’t seem to mumble in her sleep anymore just as she did the first couple of nights her fever wouldn’t come down. Taking off his hand, the man reached for the small drawer on her bedside, taking a fever patch and sticking it to her forehead. Once again, his hand lingered there for some time, exhaling deeply then pulling the blanket up to her chest.
Kangdae was about to stand up and let her sleep when he saw the girl shift to lay on her side. Soomin’s eyes slowly opened, meeting his own gaze straight away. Her hands reached for his hand, grasping his fingers and sniffling lightly.
“Appa, don’t go.” she whispered, looking at him with those puppy eyes he could never refuse.
The man smiled before sitting back down on the floor. He hated seeing his daughter looking weak and quieter like this. If he could absorb all her sickness right now, he would gladly take them all from her. Reaching out his hand to stroke her hair again, Kangdae nodded and lay his chin on top of the mattress.
“Go back to sleep, Soomin.” the man replied. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He didn’t know how long he sat there, watching her sleep until his eyes felt heavy and allowed the darkness to take over his consciousness.
“You’ll catch a cold too if you sleep like this.”
Kangdae’s eyelids rose slowly but surely, a soft groan left his lips as he tried to blink the sleepiness away. When he felt a blanket was draped over him, covering his shoulders and back, his mind couldn’t help but to think that it was weird; he was pretty sure that no one had access to his apartment other than himself. The first thing that he saw was Soomin sleeping soundly just as he last remembered before he fell asleep shortly after, and his instinct told him to see who it was that had invaded the bedroom.
“If you get sick too, then who will nurse Soomin back to health?” his eyes widened at the familiar voice and face; it felt as if they came from a distant memory. “Who will take care of you? Really, you need to think ahead sometimes!”
The young man whipped his head to the side to see the owner of that voice, thinking that someone was perhaps pulling a horrible prank to him so he would lower his guard. However, what his eyes saw was the familiar figure kneeling down before him; a mix of annoyance and worry plastered on her face, it made his heart clenched in pain at the familiarity. Rather than telling the person to go away, Kangdae sat up, his whole body turned to face her as he reached out to touch her face. His hands were shaking when his palms were actually able to touch the other’s cheeks; those delicate, warm skin, he had almost forgotten how comforting they felt. The expression on her face slowly melted into a sad one; it was rather vague, that sad smile playing across her lips was unmissable.
“I missed you.” Kangdae muttered, voice breaking and lips quivering ever so slightly. “I missed you so much.”
Her hands gently gripped his’, pulling them away from her cheeks before holding them tightly. The woman sat down on the floor with him, scooting closer and closer until she sat only inches away in front of him. Cha Yeona was there with him, alive and breathing. He could see her, hear her, touch her, the man couldn’t help but to feel like everything is a fraud and his mind was playing cruel tricks on him. When the woman entwined their fingers together in a swift motion, enabling him to feel the warmth of her hands that he had been missing for many years, Kangdae knew that it was a rare chance he would, perhaps, never be blessed with again.
“Me too.” Yeona murmured, looking down at their entwined hands then at him. “I missed you and our baby so much.”
Yeona shifted to look at the one sleeping on her bed, the softest smile was formed on her lips as she let go of one hand and reached out to tuck some strands behind her small ear. That hand lingered, rubbing Soomin’s head slowly with her thumb stroking the little girl’s cheekbone. Kangdae felt breathless for a moment there, he would never have thought he’d seen such a sight after seeing Yeona’s cold, dead body on the hospital bed covered in white sheets.
“She’s growing up so well.” the woman said. “Of course she has my gorgeous look; those round eyes, eyelashes, lips and smile.”
Yeona chuckled before turning to him, still finding the man there looking flabbergasted. “But she certainly has your energy and recklessness.”
It was then he snapped out of it and pulled her into his embrace, afraid of losing her again for the second time. This time, Kangdae couldn’t stop the warm tears rolling down his cheeks when he rested his forehead on her shoulder, crying in silence while tightening his hug on her. It felt like an eternity of coldness; an endless tundra field that froze and tortured his lonely soul. It felt like an eternity without sunshine, standing in the middle of tall mountains shielding the light from him, nothing but the excruciating darkness remained. Kangdae felt lonely without Yeona, even after all these years making a promise to himself to take good care of Soomin for her, he was still feeling lonely.
Yeona understood. From the first time she set her eyes on him just earlier, she could see through his pain; all those bottled up sadness and loneliness he kept to himself for the sake of their daughter. The young woman could see them as clear as day, and it truly pained her more than she’d like. They had a promise; she was the one who made him this way, telling him that she wanted the baby and started a family with him. Yeona was full of love and affection towards him for she knew he was a great man, and would become an even greater father. Still, it pained her to see the man she loved so much being so lonely, so broken, like a porcelain doll being thrown across the wall.
“It’s alright.” the woman whispered softly, reaching out to run her hand over his head. “I’m so sorry for leaving. I’m so sorry for breaking our promise and making you miserable like this.”
When she could hear him sobbing with his face buried on her shoulder, tears pooled in her eyes and left, wetting her own cheeks because her heart ached for him. Her heart ached for the man who had lost too much of the good things in life, yet still standing tall above the darkness while having that amount of love in his heart. Her heart ached for the man who wanted nothing more but a small ounce of happiness he deserved.
“I didn’t know what to say when Soomin asked about you.” he muttered before he sniffled, his voice was slightly hoarse. “When she asked if her eomma could braid her hair before school or make her lunch just like other children, I didn't know what I was supposed to answer.”
Yeona held his shoulders and pushed him so he would look at her; those red-rimmed eyes that had been trying to stay strong for her and their young daughter finally met hers. This time, the young woman cupped his cheeks with her delicate palms, her thumbs wiping the remaining traces of trailing tears on them. He leaned against her touch, a sigh of relief left his lips silently because for once, Kangdae felt at peace.
“Tell her the truth.” she answered, smiling at him. “Tell her that she is at peace and will be seeing her when it is time.”
Kangdae reached and held her smaller hand in his own, kissing her palm and letting his lips stay there for a few moments. For a long time, he was lost in a dark, endless tunnel that gnawed on his strength. The creatures in those tunnels pulled him down to give up and descend to the void, screaming to his ears to end everything so he could finally embrace the blissful darkness. For a long time, Kangdae was desperate for a savior; the warm, comforting light that would fight those creatures away, the one that would tell him to walk forward, stay strong, because despite its unfairness, life still has plenty of beautiful things to offer him. Looking at the woman he loved with all his being right now made him think that the light was slowly shining on him, pushing that horrible darkness away little by little.
He was grateful for her; this woman, this beautiful Cha Yeona who, even after death, still saved his soul.
“When we are reborn,” he pulled away when he held her hand, feeling that it would be their very last for now, “I will see you again. We will be together again. Me, you, Soomin, we will be reunited.”
At that moment, Yeona’s eyes widened in surprise, not expecting the sentiment that came from him. Regardless, it made her truly happy; the happiness reflected in that softest smile on her face that reached her warm eyes.
“I will live well. I will make sure that Soomin lives well,” Kangdae promised at last, “so that in our next life, we will get our happy ending.”
There was the pride and fondness he loved so much from her smile, and he knew that she had finally fulfilled her purpose for coming here to him for the last time. At that moment, the small burden in her heart was lifted, Yeona could finally let go knowing that the man she loved with all her heart and the girl who was born out of their love will lead a good life until destiny reunites them together.
“Han Kangdae,” Yeona finally puts her hands down her sides, “I’m with you, always, you know that. I will be waiting for you no matter how long it takes.”
His eyes were closed when Yeona got up on her knees to kiss his forehead, the feeling of relief and warmth washed over him as she did. Finally, when his eyelids slowly rose, his eyes opened only to see the figure of the woman who owned his heart was no longer there.
As Kangdae woke up for the second time, his head was laying on his own arms that were folded on top of the bed. Lifting his head, the young man found his daughter’s hand was still clutching onto his fingers as she slept soundly. It was a beautiful dream, he thought as he sat up properly and noticed something slipping down from his shoulders.
The man turned to see a blanket laying on the floor where he sat; the exact same blanket Yeona had draped on him in the dream. Something clenched his heart, then, because it made him realize that what happened earlier was not a dream after all.
With a genuine fondness in his smile, Kangdae looked to the side where the woman sat before, leaving him this surge of newfound strength and will to live not just for himself, but their daughter and the promise he had made for her.
