Quantum

your friendly 25-year-old over-thinking neighborhood hug-dealer tito. a complete pessimist so the odds are always with him. loves the smell of books and coffee and its many flavors. a hopeless romantic in every single way.

[quantumspacetime]

hi! it's me, your friendly 25-year-old over-thinking neighborhood hug-dealer tito!

My Contents

Hi, welcome!

I felt the need to consolidate my entries, so here are some of the tags to help you navigate through the mess that is my blog.

#journal, #thoughtdump :log dates for my everyday life

#brain :some literary entries

#friendsandfamily :pictures and memories of my family and friends

#rbnasks :some reblogs, tumblr asks and interactions

#3amthoughts, #thoughtson,and #random :my take on things

I hope you'll have an awesome time reading and reviewing some of my thoughts and kwento! :)

here's a hug to keep you warm ༼ つ ◕‿◕ ༽つ

[quantumspacetime]

let's get one thing very clear, ano po mga kapatid

being fat and being obese are two very different things. you would think a 40-year-old man who "advocates healthy lifestyle" would actually know the difference, but apparently not hehe

[quantumspacetime]

haler, i’m still up and kicking, just not in the right headspace to be on tumblr right now hehe

ok yun lang bye tuloy ko na hiatus ko hope you guys are all ok 👌🏻

[quantumspacetime]

02:34 PM | February 28, 2023

hey

gay friendships have always fascinated me on the account that I do not have any.

the majority of my friends are straight and i am having a hard time connecting with some of the gay people in my area. which isn't to say that they're horrible people, it's just that i don't know how to like the things that they like, and to groove to the music that they listen to, or go to the events that they go to. it's not that i like very specific things, or that i'm eccentric, i just can't find a common ground with them (except, maybe, for the fact that we all like guys). when i did try to befriend some, there's always a hint of flirtation from their end, which i did not reciprocate and appreciate, and i'd shut it down every single time.

siguro, i just haven't found my gay people yet? i have some gay friends online but we don't talk much, which is sad because given the chance, i think we'll get along really well.

[quantumspacetime]

hinihits ba dapat to gagu hahaha

[quantumspacetime]

12:08 pm | February 12, 2023

hey

i finally bought a vape! it’s my first time owning one, so a friend recommended that i buy a disposable one para kung di ko raw magustuhan, at least, hindi long term.

i'm used to smoke but i stopped 5 years ago. now, it feels foreign na pag maghhits. also, di pala kailangang i-hits??? so, what even is the purpose? hindi ko nagets. mabango siya, though, at menthol yung flavor, lasang toothpaste.

napakaminty fresh tuloy ng bunganga ko after. ever ready for momol mga ganon

[quantumspacetime]

How will you know that it is time to let go of someone ?

to be very honest, i don't know shit about letting go, but i do know that if it no longer gives you peace, if the bad things outweigh the good, if you're feeling hopeless after trying so many times, then maybe it's time for you to let go.

[quantumspacetime]

09:26 pm | February 12, 2023

hey

because i've been feeling under the weather last week, i couldn't go to the gym for a week and a half straight. out of nowhere, however, a guy at the gym messaged me just to ask me if i was okay kasi he hasn't seen me for a while daw.

i opted not to reply, but i've been seeing him for quite some time now. i know that we have a common friend, so i asked that friend about him, and apparently he's been asking about me since january daw.

tonight, he messaged me again after i didn't reply to his previous message, and i still won't as i'm a tamad person chareng

[quantumspacetime]

Update po don sa match mo sa sb

oh, i haven't accepted his friend request and his message is still in my message requests hehe

[quantumspacetime]

12:00 pm | February 12, 2023

hey

i saw a guy i matched with on tinder last last year at a local starbucks yesterday. we exchanged a few glances, but i didn’t approach him as we’ve never had a decent conversation before, just hellos and kumustahan.

later that evening, i received a friend request from him on facebook and a message saying, “hello, you’re cute pala in person”.

as much as it flatters me that he thought i was cute in person, napaisip ako… hindi kaya ako cute sa pictures kaya di nagpush yung conversation namin? lol napakagago

[quantumspacetime]

Can I date you on feb 14?

tinatamad po ako

[quantumspacetime]

08:43 pm | February 10, 2023

hey

i like casual Fridays. i wear polos and long sleeves for the rest of the week pero on Fridays, i only wear tshirts and denim pants. ang comfy, nakakahappy ng mood

[quantumspacetime]

Saw a recorded video of you naked and jerking off, is that really you?

probably. i sent some videos to past lovers in full trust, and i don’t have any control on how they'll handle it post breakup. if may nagleak man, it’s on them hehe plus i think i look good naman either way

[quantumspacetime]

07:55 pm | February 09, 2023

hey

minsan ba, when you're doing or witnessing something profound, may internal soundtrack na nagpplay sa utak niyo?

kanina kasi, nagcommute ako papuntang work at pauwi. habang naglalakad ako papunta sa sakayan ng jeep from office, may mga nagj-jog kasama yung mga aso nila, tapos walang traffic, walang ingay, tapos pinkish 'yung sunset... nakakabighani.

sobrang simple lang, pero alam niyo 'yung intro sa Robbers by The 1975, biglang nagplay sa utak ko habang nag-aantay ako ng jeep.

for the briefest moment, i felt... at peace. nakakatuwa, hanggang pag-uwi ko, magaan yung pakiramdam.

[quantumspacetime]

saan po ba pwedeng mag-order ng cuddles, preferably yung big spoon na willing magbigay ng forehead kisses habang nagna-nap?

asking for a friend

[m3lisssss4]

020423: fear and the small t

ang lesson kanina sa the daily stoic ay about fear. naalala ko na naman ‘yung “overthinking makes you suffer twice” or something along those lines na sinabi ng friend ko dati. it really makes sense, ano?

after reading the lesson for the day, napaisip ako sa kung anong mga takot ko. i had to be vulnerable kasi ako lang naman nakakabasa ng journal ko. it made me re-assess kung fear ba ‘yung nagpapatakbo sa buhay ko. sadly, may mga iilan and it’s the harsh truth. it needs to be said para matanggap ko sya. sabi ko nga, parang iba na ‘yung mga signs ng universe sa akin lately, parang it is requiring me to practice all these lessons i am absorbing everyday. learning without application is nothing.

but okay… if it will help me grow then fine. i’ll go through it.

makes me also think of the small t or the trauma that i went through. because clearly, it affected my way of thinking and how i move along. i’m aware of it. and now i have to address it. may mga irrational small t ako na i think kakaunti lang ‘yung mga nakakaintindi. for example:

i don’t like it when i’m working and someone is cleaning around my workstation, or

when i’m lounging in my bed and someone is cleaning my room

it makes me feel na tamad ako. may guilt feeling kasi noong bata ako, bawal humila-hilata. kahit weekends, gigising ka nang maaga para maglinis ng bahay. kanya-kanyang toka kami ng mga pinsan ko. so ngayon, nasstress ako kapag naglilinis ‘yung lola ko sa office habang nagttrabaho ako kasi feeling ko compelled ako kuhain sa kanya yung walis at ako ‘yung magwalis. hahaha. alam mo ‘yun? it doesn’t make sense but i understand it from my own context.

‘yung mga small instances na ganyan makes me think kung ano pa ba ‘yung mga kilos o galaw ko na kailangan ko i-re-evaluate kasi they hinder my peace of mind.

anong mga “irrational” t nyo? i want to know.

[quantumspacetime]

this is a good take on trauma ha, tsaka how to acknowledge it.

hindi ko alam kung irrational t ba ito, pero:

hindi ko kayang ituloy 'yung isang bagay na hindi ko nasimulan o hindi ako 'yung nag-initiate.

growing up kasi, i had to do everything on my own. early in my childhood, it was made pretty clear that i have no one to depend on dahil nirerequire din naman akong gawin 'yung mga bagay na mabibigat at parang imposible at such an early age. i somehow got through all of that, pero in turn, i adopted this thinking na i can't count on anybody else but me, and since nobody's going to help me do that, i have to make something great bilang walang quality assurance na magaganap; tumaas nang tumaas na 'yung standards at expectations ko sa sarili ko. kaya pag may kasama akong gumagawa o iba ang gumagawa para sa akin, feeling ko nawawalan ako ng control at nagsspiral ako hahahuhu kaya hirap din talaga akong magfunction sa isang group setting, kasi distributed yung tasks, naninikip yung dibdib ko pag iniisip kong ibang tao yung gumagawa lol

pero i'm learning naman kahit papaano how to manage hehe paunti-unti at hinay hinay.

[quantumspacetime]

rewatching movies you've seen and liked before really helps with your mental health talaga eh noh