Iâve done this. Iâm alive because of this.Â
My flat-mateâs date for the night was almost as drunk as her. She had passed out in her room and locked the door. He refused to leave because he wanted to have sex. He also demanded food because he was dealing with âwhiskey dickâ. He didnât like the lack of food in the fridge. I called 911, did the stuff stated above, and he was getting PISSED about how long the âorderâ was taking. He took my phone, demanded they âhurry the fuck upâ. Police arrived two minutes later, arrested him, and helped me file a police report. Pressing charges wasnât necessary because he had warrants on him from THREE different states for the very thing he planned to do to me. Several months after this happened one of the officers informed me he was charged with two felonies because he crossed stay lines, and will be serving no less than 35 years in prison. The officer ripped into my flat-mate about her bringing home complete strangers, while drunk, knowing full well this shit could happen.Â
This was 14 years ago. Â
Do the pizza order, do it as calmly as you can. The dispatcher I spoke to said things like this:
âIf heâs drunk say you want mushrooms.â I said I want extra mushrooms.
âIf heâs threatening you with sexual assault say you want onions.â I said I want onions.
She went like this with different toppings and sauces for a description of him, like pineapple if heâs blonde, black olives if heâs tall, extra large if heâs tall, etc.
Theyâve heard this sort of coded call before. Theyâre trained for it. They will understand what youâre saying. Order the pizza.
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