Cosimo Galluzzi
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Kiana Khansmith
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bliss lane
EXPECTATIONS
Today's Document
gracie abrams
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Game Changer & Make Some Noise
YOU ARE THE REASON
Cosmic Funnies
ellievsbear
izzy's playlists!
oozey mess
Monterey Bay Aquarium
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
blake kathryn
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Not today Justin
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@queenofamazonz
Day one of corona lockdown at my dads:
Just got here from my moms and:
“Wash your hands for at least 25 seconds with hot soapy water, and wipe down your phone with isopropyl alcohol before you touch anything”.
Hi dad, hi stepmom, nice to see you guys too. Thanks for the warm welcome as my world is crashing down around me. Really appreciate it.
Me to my boyfriend after spending an entire showing of my rival high school’s production of Grease commenting on Sandra Dee’s ass: I swear, I’m as straight as y=mx+b
My boyfriend with maximum sass in his voice: Yeah, okay. You’re about as straight as y=x^2
So I injured myself again last night and was in the hospital. They gave me some morphine and I guess I was very entertaining while waiting for the x-ray results. I don’t really remember much expect being in pain, but I apparently said that I wanted to name my 2 future kids some very interesting things. Noodle, so that I could shout random pasta names and noodle would respond. And butterschotch (Scottie for short).
Is it bad that I organize my long sleeve shirts by, sweaters, flannels, and neither sweaters nor flannels?
Walgreens sigh.
I bumped into a pretty popular classmate at Walgreens and instead of saying sorry or hi, I psychically said the word, ‘sigh’.
So that’s how my life is going.
Daddy David Gruber
My dad saw a Gruber law offices billboard, and he asked me what his first name is. I quickly responded and he asked me why I responded so quickly and I said that I, “I just do do, idk why” because I was too ashamed to say that I know that because my best friend calls him ‘Daddy David Gruber’.
People who hack other peoples accounts are just bitter that they got picked last for dodgeball in 2nd grade.
The supernatural fandom has ruined me...
My dad said, “too soon?” anD THE FIRST THING I THOUGHT OF WAS THAT EPISODE WHERE SAM SAYS, “Yeah, Dean, I’m pretty sure six seconds is too soon.” AND NOBODY IN MY FAMILY WATCHES SUPERNATURAL, SO I WAS JUST DYING OF LAUGHTER WHILE THEY STARED AT ME LIKE A WAS POSSESSED.
So my dad works from home...
And I go to an online school (for now) and I get out of the shower and my dad says, “dude, help me out here my boss is asking me some crazy questions, what are some super popular bands and singers?” I start panicking and frantically say, “I dont know?? One direction??” He just face palms and says, “This is 2018 not 2010”
-Driving to go out to eat-
Dad: This is such an awesome sledding hill. I wonder why nobody is out sledding right now?
Me: you mean, at 8:30 at night?
Dad:...
Me: on a Tuesday?
Dad:...
Me: on a week where like probably 80% of the school age population has finals.
Dad:...
Me:...
Dad:...
Me:...
Me: yeah, totally dont understand why nobody’s sledding right now.
Dad:....
Dad: well when you put it like that
Okay, does anyone else hate it when you’re sick and you’re about to sneeze and so you run. And I mean like full on SPRINT. To the nearest tissue box or whatever but even sprinting you get there too late and end up getting snot all over the place and you have to like take another shower just to be clean?