I am the UNDISPUTED Queen of Blackice

Don't like it? go suck on a Popsicle dick

[gumbies]

Rotg Fandom Roast... Or truths you all deny.

This is satire. I love you all, I love this fandom. I honestly can relate to over half of these things so don’t think I’m excluding myself from the roastage 😂 I just thought I’d be funny. Feel free to yell at me in my inbox 😂

Okay here we go.

- “here’s my original™ OC, her name is… Mrs. icypants and she can manipulate Ice and wears a blue top. She’s also related to/in a relationship with Jack Frost.”

- some of yall are furries in denial.

- “I read jackrabbit/blackice/eggnog/bennefrost/blacksand/jelsa/etc. fanfiction for the plot.”

- If Jack were real, you’d frickity frack him in a heartbeat.

- You know you can’t look at the moon without doing an inner Jack Frost monologue. Don’t lie.

Feel free to add your own. I’m probably going to in reblogs and such later, but those are the most prominent things I can think of right now.

[empyreandarkling]

This is a roast?

Awww, c’mon now sugar *sly grin* I’m getting frostbite from all the burns you’re not using…

I have no OC’s because my sick ass likes to read/write/devour Jack doing the horizontal tango with our resident boogeyman. Bunny’s nowhere near my ROTG ships unless he’s hurting Frosty’s feelings, for Pitch’s benefit. I ship Blackice for my 70% porn/40% plot ratio and I damn well don’t deny it, and I call the moon an asshole on a regular basis because… well, it is!

If you want another round, you know where to find me~

[queenofblackice]

Don’t harass the plebs, deary.

But let me roast you (and these blackice ingrates!) instead: 

~ you think the bicycle-seat faced embodiment of fear is Hot.  ~You think this chiaroscuro greyscale asshole preying on confused twinks is romance! ~What was that fic u wrote that was going to be hot as hell but kind of just stopped at TERRIFYING? (no i loved it ok, i was scared shitless) ~What is love? Baby don’t hurt him (please god don’t hurt him!) ~Me. Hello. I’m S T I L L  H E R E ~Also? @linddzz yeah thats write. your very name is a roast. ~UHHHHH CAN I GET A MCFUCKEN DOUBLEMINT OREO AU? ~HOW ABOUT THE DEPTHS OF DEPRAVITY THAT NIGHTMARE GALLEON AND NDU IS? ~Just. Proto Pitch. ~Rabbit fuckers. y’all furries. dis 1 true.  ~You extreme temperature play assholes. yeah. and height difference? What depravity.   ~are we still fighting over the age of the frost twink? 14? 17? but this app this one time on this special occasion when the planets aligned said he was 18! NO HE’S OVER 300! IT’S NOT PEDO WHEN UR A CORPSE!

@only-1-a @empyreandarkling @hikasho

[linddzz]

I DIDN'T WANT TO FIND IT I WAS FORCED AND I DON'T WANNA FOLLOW U BUT I CAN'T FIND THE UNFOLLOW BUTTON. STAY AWAY! SHE'S A WITCH! SHE SUCKED MY SOUL OUT THROUGH THE LENS OF CAMERA AND NOW I'M JUST AN ANIMATED CORPSE RELEGATED TO SPEWING PRAISE IN HER GENERAL DIRECTION SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEEeeeeeee (but really it was from ao3 as id nerded over your your writing...)

SILENCE MINION bACK TO MInDLESS PRAISE

[onsheka]

ALL HAIL TRUE QUEEN OF BLACKICE

[queenofblackice]

Woah there, son.

[onsheka]

*hiss* fight me Pretender

[queenofblackice]

Unfortunately for you, true monarchs have no need to fight peasants to reassert their titles. Also, i'm still on indefinite takeover vacation in the Maldives.

[linddzz]

I DIDN'T WANT TO FIND IT I WAS FORCED AND I DON'T WANNA FOLLOW U BUT I CAN'T FIND THE UNFOLLOW BUTTON. STAY AWAY! SHE'S A WITCH! SHE SUCKED MY SOUL OUT THROUGH THE LENS OF CAMERA AND NOW I'M JUST AN ANIMATED CORPSE RELEGATED TO SPEWING PRAISE IN HER GENERAL DIRECTION SOMEONE HELP MEEEEEEeeeeeee (but really it was from ao3 as id nerded over your your writing...)

SILENCE MINION bACK TO MInDLESS PRAISE

[onsheka]

ALL HAIL TRUE QUEEN OF BLACKICE

[queenofblackice]

Woah there, son.

[mandaloreyan]

Dear Blackice Shippers (An Open Lettter to Cafe Claussen and Saltwater Waves)

Alright, why the fuck are you making JAMIE BENNETT ‘creepy’ and ‘evil’ and ‘abusive’? You guys need to get your facts straight. Pitch is not a ‘warm, caring man with a dry sense of humor and a sad past’. He is a creepy-as-hell motherfucker who has a penchant for screwing with people’s heads and turning them into little copies of himself enshrouded in darkness and fear and misery. William Joyce even admitted he was beyond help in his books (see showdown between Mother Nature and Pitch in the book Sandman and the War of Dreams)and I’m pretty damn sure he’s not going to make nice with Jack and the Guardians after all that stuff that happened in Burgess. Which brings me to my real point: Jamie. Jamie is basically the embodiment of childhood belief and goodness and trust and loyalty. He is sweetness and light and he gets excited about everything supernatural or strange. One would think this would make him more popular. :/ What he is most certainly not is twisted, mentally insane, manipulative, or abusive. All of these things apply to PITCH. If you make Jamie creepy or write him off you are completely invalidating Jamie’s importance to Jack. And that is something I cannot accept. It’s fine if you want to ‘redeem’ Pitch — but don’t make Jamie the scapegoat. He is not a villain. He is a little boy who kept believing in the Guardians when no one else on this PLANET did. Out of seven billion people he was the Last Light. And that’s pretty damn incredible. Not one other person could have made the same connection his mind did when he started believing in Jack Frost. Not a single one, no matter what anyone else says. I mean really, who sees a magical ice rabbit that explodes into snow in their room and thinks of an expression their mom uses when it’s cold out? Jamie, that’s who. Jack and Jamie are intrinsically tied up in one another’s characters, and they are extremely important to one another both emotionally and in their development as characters. Jack needs Jamie and Jamie needs Jack, whether just as friends or something more. And that is how it is.

[queenofblackice]

alright listen up, punk, you don't see blackice shippers jumping all over your ship shouting PEDO do ya? don't rain on our angst parade just because it doesn't please you. These two stories are very well written and the authors have done NOTHING, i repeat, NOTHING to warrant your rude criticism. They are both ALTERNATE UNIVERSE stories pertaining to worlds that are SO FAR FROM MOVIE OR BOOK CANON ITS LAUGHABLE. Jack Frost isn't even in the Books! Movie Pitch and Book Pitch are widely regarded as completely separate entities, their histories melded together by some purely for entertainment value in fanfiction and art. Bennefrost only even fucking exists in an AU concept where you age the poor kid to legal consent! HE'S EIGHT YEARS OLD.

Childish belief? Who loses that as soon as they hit puberty? Everyone. Who DEFINITELY loses that when they turn friendship into lust to bone their Guardian Spirit? Anyone who ships bennefrost that's who.

Pitch is mentally insane? Debatable. I err on the side of FUCK YEAH HE IS AND ITS GREAT. Regardless! These two stories are AU's and (while i haven't read Cafe Claussen) deal with a Pitch Black that is damaged but human, not inhuman, not a festering spirit of fear, not a possessed lamenting general. Human. And Jamie? His circumstances, situations, experiences, everything about him (and the other characters) are affected by the AU they live in. Jamie grew up, maybe bad shit happened to him, no one made him terrible without any purpose. And in Saltwater Waves? He's not a bad kid at all. He has a hopeless crush and much like many teenagers he doesn't know how to go about handling it. Creepy? Not at all. Confused, yes, scared, yes, in love, yes, rash, most definitely. He is a character and used to further plot as necessary.

I can argue till i'm blue in the face about Jack's and the Guardian's as a whole's need for Pitch Black over Jamie Bennet in the movie any day. What would a hero be without his villain? A self righteous asshole that's who. Jamie is circumstantial. If he weren't the last the 2nd to last would be the last. Jamie's only advantage was waking up and witnessing the Guardians first hand earlier in the movie. Without this interaction everyone would have been screwed. This is the sole reason he held onto his belief as long as he did (refer to the ruined Easter scene where he tried to convince everyone he saw them).

So please, for the sake of civility keep your asinine comments to yourself and ship what you want. We will ship what we want and not fight over it. Thank god you tagged this rant poorly or else you'd have a crap load of angrier people after you than I (admittedly I am the angriest since i am the Queen). And the poor authors, who already display such courage posting their work do not need such slander from the likes of you. Way 2 Go at potentially destroying creativity and the confidence of fans and budding writers. Good Job. A+. What a nice person you are. 

You are a false monarch.

[linddzz]

yall need to stop following me its getting allarmingly close and i aint got no time for “ask the assholes” so slow down ya shits

[linddzz]

diD I STuTTER???????

[frostisass-deactivated20140110]

this calls for a promotion

[linddzz]

NO It DoES NOT besides my blog isnt fun lately anyway since i aint got no time for writing lately

[queenofblackice]

no fun at all. infact its a downright SNOOZE. ugh. lame. -unfollows-

[queenofblackice]

The Depths of My Soul (Fic)

This is first and foremost a birthday present for the ever talented, ever extremely lovely Rhapsodii

2ndly. This is also for ALL of blackice week back in whatever month at whatever time. I am the Queen and therefore I am never late. All of you just didn't get the memo that the real blackice week happened right here. right now. with this fic.

3rdly. Same rules apply for the advent calendar.

Don't think i'm not aware of my slaves throwing pagan festivals in honor of the holy ship. In fact i secretly organized them all myself and this FearKing bloke ain't got nothin on my game. 

REGARDLESS

Without further ado:

ao3 Link ff.net Link

[queenofblackice]

-hint hint- PItch-king-of-nightmares was Ymirr's Pitch blog, but she deleted it a little while back :)

I'm aware, Kindest of anons. Tis why i reblogged their picture in the first the place! Some one else (a Jack Frost blog i believe) reposted the piece without credit and it has been getting many notes.

[pitch-king-of-nightmares-deacti]

((Wasn’t sure which account to add this to, this wasn’t painted for an ask so… But it’s Pitch and I’m shameless.)) 

[psychededoodle]

Share it here as well <3

[queenofblackice]

I've seen this lovely piece of art on my dash a lot lately!  I think I will reblog the original artist's piece instead of that repost. :)

[frostsprite]

And Lo, There Came an Era of Peace and Fluffy Animals to the Land

[queenofblackice]

I am flattered and humbled by your dedication to this kingdom! let me reward you with...whatever you want! I am your humble slave

[porcelain-noire]

Oh I know, but I think it’s good to spread the events out to allow people time to prepare for them and to have something going on for not only next year but the year after to give people something to look forward to other than new original material releases (as of right now, that would be the other GoC chapter and picture books).  And not to mention Big Bangs usually take months of work, and I have packed in the events for 2014, so there’s really not any more room left, tbh.

I do believe people will still be shipping it in 2015.  I understand the concern, but you guys, we have two new chapter books, and I think like six new picture books coming out.  So it’s not as if the series is even over yet!  But even with that aside there are still fandoms of cult classic movies such as Labyrinth and whatnot still going right now.  Therefore, I really don’t think we have much to worry about because RoTG/GoC has a stronger following than a lot of people think.  I believe because it’s not as big as some other fandoms that people think that it’s non-existent or what have you and that’s not the case.  

I plan on being in this fandom for a good, long time, and as long as I am here, I will be doing my best to host some sort of blackice related event to help keep the creative juices flowing.  But with that aside, there are still plenty of people drawing, writing, editing, cosplaying, etc.

And as far as Blackice Weeks go, don’t worry about not being able to participate in every single one.  The reason why I do so many is so people have options.  

[queenofblackice]

Hear, Hear!

[niccillustrates]

oh my oh my blog is graced by royalty

[queenofblackice]

adrgjhsdfghldurhgvdfukjhdfzbcxhi

[queenofblackice]

*ENFOLDS THE VOLATILE QUEEN IN A HUUUGGGGE BEAR HUG EVEN THOUGH I AM NOT EXACTLY ALL-ENCOMPASSING IN STATURE* TAKE IT LIKE A MAN, QUEENIE! IT'S THIS OR MARRIAGE!

~AND SQUEEZES YOU BACK IN THE BEST MOST ROYALEST OF HUGS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD~ AH MY MOST LOYAL ALMOST CONSORT HOW I TRULY APPRECIATE YOU GESTURE OF FAMILIARITY!

[forshadowedchaos]

[queenofblackice]

Gracious me!

Look at this magnificent artwork! I am humbled by this skill! Truly you are a masterful muse of blingee.

[mira-eyeteeth]

Oh… my… goodness, that is simply the most adorable bunny I have ever seen in my life! Truly you are such a kind and good friend for sharing such a thing with me. I am almost moved to tears at the sheer joy and gratitude that wells from the bottom of my heart at your kind deed. I am so very lucky to have a ruler such as your… self…

Wait… what… what am I doing?

I… No! No! You shall not ensnare me with your mind-controlling pictures of adorable lagomorphs! I will not be swayed!

[queenofblackice]

Ah Friend! I am so glad you appreciate my gesture of goodwill and cute!

Please do not weep for i am unworthy of such true and affectionate emotion! 

Ah my friend! Please do not doubt me, for i look up to you as a leader and teacher and only wish to please you with such gifts! I am too base and ignorant to ever hope to deceive your sharp eyes and would never dream of such a thing to begin with!

Please forgive me for instilling such doubt upon your heart! it is the opposite of what i wish to offer you!

[pitch-stop-deactivated20140430]

how could i have not seen this before

oh please grace me with your awe inspiring presence so that i may bask in your wondrous generosity 

[queenofblackice]

Ah I am not worthy of such praise! Please allow me to humbly correct you in that I am the one who should gratefully absorb your radiance in wit and writing!

[queenofblackice]

*ENFOLDS THE VOLATILE QUEEN IN A HUUUGGGGE BEAR HUG EVEN THOUGH I AM NOT EXACTLY ALL-ENCOMPASSING IN STATURE* TAKE IT LIKE A MAN, QUEENIE! IT'S THIS OR MARRIAGE!

~AND SQUEEZES YOU BACK IN THE BEST MOST ROYALEST OF HUGS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD~ AH MY MOST LOYAL ALMOST CONSORT HOW I TRULY APPRECIATE YOU GESTURE OF FAMILIARITY!

[empyreandarkling]

Yes, platonic sunsets, for only our Lords Jack and Pitch of Blackice can savour the romanticism of a non-platonic sunset… I would love to feel your majestic fingers stroke my hair and I could blow bubbles for you and sing Frank Sinatra in a strictly platonic manner as we gaze into the beauty of Mother Nature’s bounty~

[queenofblackice]

Forgive this scum for abandoning you late last eve! I had to take the rest of the night off for i was simply too overwhelmed by our friendship i couldn't bear to do anything but reread this most sacred of conversations thirty times!

And you are solemnly correct! Only our duo lords are free to love each other as they see fit and we lowly serfs must resign to a life of eternal platonication so as to better accept their love into our hearts and souls. 

So let us blow these bubbles of non-romatic friendship so as we might better appreciate the deep and meaningful love of our lords and saviors: Pitch and Jack.

[queenofblackice]

Oh my God! The Queen acknowledged my existence! *bow* Thank you, your Majesty! God bless your holy soul!

Loveliest of citizens!

How goodly your words were! I cannot sit still upon my throne in anticipation for more! 

Please do not bow to me for i am not worthy! 

May the goddess and our duo lords bless thine as well.

[queenofblackice]

Every time I hear Royals by Lorde....I think of you.

Actually, Closest of friends,

Sometimes i think that as well. But please don't spread that around for it would be...presumptuous of me to claim such renown.

I thank you for your opinion, but please be aware that one so lowly as I cannot ever hope to one day become so worthy of such a song.