I was doing some shibari earlier and thought of some things to keep in mind for people new to the craft. This is for bunnies as well as riggers. These are important to know regardless of your role :)
1. Establish safe words and limits before the rope comes out. I use a modified stoplight system, with yellow being āproceed with cautionā, orange being āget me out of hereā (untie) and red being āI need out NOWā, where we would then use the safety sheers (be sure to have some scissors for quick escape. No amount of rope is worth someoneās mental and physical well-being)
2. Know your material! For most riggers I would recommend testing your rope or fabric out on yourself first. See how much rope burn it will cause, if it has any stretch, how tight is too tight. All of these things depend on your specific rope, and even the age of the rope. Be sure to know your material before testing it out on someone else, and be sure the bunny knows what it feels like as well before you do a full tie.
3. No rope points. There are parts of the body you donāt want tension holding rope on. This doesnāt mean you canāt ever put rope over those areas, but it means to be cautious and not make it tight around there. This is especially important for functional ties, since if someone is struggling or putting weight on the rope, it will pull and tighten. Some people also have preferences on where they like rope vs where they donāt, so Iād recommend a first time bunny to do a practice tie with their rigger, so they know what they like and what they donāt like.
4. Flexibility is key! Not physical flexibility, but being able to adjust things on the fly is very important, as a rigger and as a bunny. As a rigger you must adhere to the bunnyās limits and physical capabilities, and keep their comfort as the priority. If they want a specific tie youāre not confident in, tell them! As a bunny, make sure that you are communicating your needs and feelings. Any tingling, numbness, discomfort, or mental distress must be communicated for safe tying. While we might want to try and preserve the vibe of a scene, it is also important to be flexible and break character if needed. This is especially true for the first few times in a partnership.
5. Know the basics. I know like 5 knots, and less full ties than that. Shibari is, first and foremost, an art. In the beginning, following tutorials exactly is a good idea to build your skills and confidence, but over time chalange yourself to make up your own patterns. People will say that āyou must know all 15 of these knots to do it properlyā or whatever, but as long as you know some basic ones and what they do, you can do lots of things with them. Knowing the difference between types of knots is the important part here, since things can go wrong very fast if you mix them up. There are synching knots, and secure knots. Synching ones will tighten as force is put on them, while secure ones will not. Some synching knots will only tighten a certain amount, but some will continue to. This is where blood flow can be cut off, and so it is important to stabilize your knots, or use secure ones in the first place.
6. Know each other! You donāt need to be dating or anything, but knowing each others likes, dislikes, boundaries, and moods will help greatly. Being able to tell if something is uncomfortable the minute you tie it is a very handy skill to have, and it gets easier to read your bunny as you go along. Trusting and knowing your rigger is also very important, as you are putting your safety in their hands. Establishing trust and a bit of a bond will help it all go much smoother.
7. Aftercare! Shibari can be an incredibly vulnerable and intimate activity, and for a lot of subs it puts them into a deeper subspace than usual. This makes aftercare all the more important. Aftercare for the rigger is important; assuring them everything was consensual and they didnāt hurt you. However, in shibari lots of the aftercare is focused on the bunny. Often they are held in positions for long periods of time, with rope digging into them (not too much though) and at someone elseās mercy. After being untied thereās often a ānow whatā feeling as they come down from the high, so comfort and care is very important. Iād also suggest lotion in case of rope burn, or a massage if they were held in one position for a long time. Personally I like to cuddle, use lotion, and take a bath/shower to soothe muscles.
*also keep in mind if either of you have conditions that could impact the tying. Low blood pressure/sugar, bad circulation, vasovagal conditions, pots, or other conditions can all make shibari more risky. Be sure to communicate with your partner and make accommodations as necessary. Personally I always wear compression socks and keep sugary drinks nearby in case of a crash.
This concludes my little shibari rant, make sure itās all safe sane and consensual, and happy tying!!
(Take this all with a grain of salt, Iām not a professional, and have only used a few types of rope)
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