being muslim and lgbt is really…complicated, i guess? because you don’t really have that “i can come out and never speak to my family again and i’ll be fine” mindset that christian lgbt people seem to have and you can’t just “keep it hidden away–for your family’s sake. and just pray.” the way straight muslims will tell you do. you understand the seriousness of what calling yourself gay means, but you don’t really comprehend the vehement hatred of lgbt people and why you have to keep one of the biggest parts of your life hidden from your family. you hate yourself for being gay sometimes and other times you hate yourself because you aren’t willing to abandon everything to be able to safely exist as a gay person. you want your family to understand you and accept you, but the chances of you ever coming out and actually telling them are slim to none. your non-muslim lgbt friends don’t understand your attachment to your family and faith and blame you for not coming out of the closet without understanding that you grew up in a community where it’s just not that easy. it just feels like existing in a constant state of paradox where you’re constantly battling internally with yourself and also everyone around you & it’s really, really lonely.
