INFJ Advice

An INFJ offering advice to other INFJs as well as any other MBTI types! (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); *What is INFJ and what is MBTI? (my youtube channel) *FAQ *MBTI test *Cognitive Functions Test *MBTI Links *MBTI Resources *Common INFJ Traits *Common INFJ feelings *Am I an INFJ or an INFP? *Am I an INFJ or an INTJ? *Am I an INFJ or an ISFJ? Information Masterpost ***Stay Awesome!***

[infjadvice]

Sarah goes to Standing Rock!

Support 'Sarah goes to Standing Rock!' by donating or sharing today!

YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD INFJADVICE IS GOING TO STANDING ROCK!!!! PLEASE DONATE BY 11/14/2016!!!!! SPREAD THE WORD!!! 

[infjadvice]

Heya I have trouble connecting with an infj he seems to be very private can you give me tips how to connect with him please answer I really need help

First off, don’t push it. An INFJ can tell when you are pushing them to open up and they resent it and close off even further. Be sure you yourself are okay with whatever they decide to tell you or not tell you. Everyone has their own pace of opening up and you have to be compassionate with them even if they decide to never open up to you. It is not their job to give you any information they don’t want you to. That being said, everyone wants connection and you aren’t wrong for craving that. INFJs can be very hard to get to know because we are acutely aware of people who use personal information for manipulative purposes. The best way to counteract this is to open up to us first. Show us you are trustworthy by being vulnerable with us first. And if you can show us that you expect nothing in return, we may return the favor. However, if he is being so closed off that you cannot establish a healthy relationship with him, then your best bet is to move on. You cannot force someone to open up and you deserve connection.

Best of luck,

Stay Awesome

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

Sometimes quiet people really do have a lot to say. They’re just being careful about who they open up to.

Unknown (via onlinecounsellingcollege)

[infjadvice]

INFJ brain: “It’s just chemistry. I don’t have to act on it until I know I absolutely want to. I’ll get involved with someone when I know I’m ready. And right now, I know I’m not ready. I trust myself to know when I’m ready and I trust myself to only pursue someone when that time comes.” INFJ heart: *has like 3 on-going crushes* *daydreams romantic situations to excess* *can’t stop the feels* INFJ: “...fuck”

[infjadvice]

When there’s an ENFP: INFJ: *internally* DO. NOT. DEVELOP. FEELS. JUST. BE. CHILL. ENFP: *does something inexplicably cute* INFJ: *giggles* INFJ: ......fuck

[infjlogic]

The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.

Marcus Aurelius (via infjlogic)

[starlightandtears]

I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be treated well. I deserve the love that people show me. I deserve to thrive. I deserve to live.

[purplebuddhaproject]

https://www.instagram.com/pbuddhaproject/

[infjadvice]

But he’s a sensitive guy

(tw: abuse) I’ve wanted to speak on this topic for some time but other incarnations either felt too sterilized or too petulant. To some extent this shit has to be accessible without losing qu…

Nice people can be abusers too. I didn’t recognize the toxic and abusive behavior in my last relationship because he was a “nice guy.” If we are going to stop abuse we have to stop painting abusers as monsters and start acknowledging that well-intentioned and good-hearted people can be abusive. Please read and share to stop the cycle of abuse.

[infjadvice]

Sometimes you are the problem

(tw: abuse) “Not understanding how much of an asshole you are doesn’t make you any less of an asshole.” -BoJack Horseman Wise words from a character who actually fits that quote q…

This is my latest post on my new blog about recognizing abusive and toxic behavior within yourself. Remember, abuse victims can be abusers too when they repeat the toxic behavior they’ve been subjected to. It doesn’t hurt to check yourself. Only when we write things from the viewpoint of the abuser will we be able to show people they can change. Feel free to share and spread awareness so we can end the cycle of abuse. Thank you.

[realsocialskills]

Nonviolent Communication can hurt people

People who struggle interpersonally, who seem unhappy, or who get into a lot of conflicts are often advised to adopt the approach of Nonviolent Communication. 

This is often not a good idea. Nonviolent Communication is an approach based on refraining from seeming to judge others, and instead expressing everything in terms of your own feelings. For instance, instead of “Don’t be such an inconsiderate jerk about leaving your clothes around”, you’d say “When you leave your clothing around, I feel disrespected.”. That approach is useful in situations in which people basically want to treat each other well but have trouble doing so because they don’t understand one another’s needs and feelings. In every other type of situation, the ideology and methodology of Nonviolent Communication can make things much worse.

Nonviolent Communication can be particularly harmful to marginalized people or abuse survivors. It can also teach powerful people to abuse their power more than they had previously, and to feel good about doing so. Non-Violent Communication has strategies that can be helpful in some situations, but it also teaches a lot of anti-skills that can undermine the ability to survive and fight injustice and abuse.

For marginalized or abused people, being judgmental is a necessary survival skill. Sometimes it’s not enough to say “when you call me slurs, I feel humiliated” - particularly if the other person doesn’t care about hurting you or actually wants to hurt you. Sometimes you have to say “The word you called me is a slur. It’s not ok to call me slurs. Stop.” Or “If you call me that again, I’m leaving.” Sometimes you have to say to yourself “I’m ok, they’re mean.” All of those things are judgments, and it’s important to be judgmental in those ways.

You can’t protect yourself from people who mean you harm without judging them. Nonviolent Communication works when people are hurting each other by accident; it only works when everyone means well. It doesn’t have responses that work when people are hurting others on purpose or without caring about damage they do. Which, if you’re marginalized or abused, happens several times a day. NVC does not have a framework for acknowledging this or responding to it.

In order to protect yourself from people who mean you harm, you have to see yourself as having the right to judge that someone is hurting you. You also have to be able to unilaterally set boundaries, even when your boundaries are upsetting to other people. Nonviolent Communication culture can teach you that whenever others are upset with you, you’re doing something wrong and should change what you do in order to meet the needs of others better. That’s a major anti-skill. People need to be able to decide things for themselves even when others are upset.

Further, NVC places a dangerous degree of emphasis on using a very specific kind of language and tone. NVC culture often judges people less on the content of what they’re saying than how they are saying it. Abusers and cluelessly powerful people are usually much better at using NVC language than people who are actively being hurt. When you’re just messing with someone’s head or protecting your own right to mess with their head, it’s easy to phrase things correctly. When someone is abusing you and you’re trying to explain what’s wrong, and you’re actively terrified, it’s much, much harder to phrase things in I-statements that take an acceptable tone.

Further, there is *always* a way to take issue with the way someone phrased something. It’s really easy to make something that’s really about shutting someone up look like a concern about the way they’re using language, or advice on how to communicate better. Every group I’ve seen that valued this type of language highly ended up nitpicking the language of the least popular person in the group as a way of shutting them up. 

tl;dr Be careful with Nonviolent Communication. It has some merits, but it is not the complete solution to conflict or communication that it presents itself as. If you have certain common problems, NVC is dangerous.

[wordsnquotes]

Most of my life has been spent trying to shrink myself. Trying to become smaller. Quieter. Less sensitive. Less opinionated. Less needy. Less me. Because I didn’t want to be a burden. I didn’t want to be too much or push people away. I wanted people to like me. I wanted to be cared for and valued. I wanted to be wanted. So for years, I sacrificed myself for the sake of making other people happy. And for years, I suffered. But I’m tired of suffering, and I’m done shrinking. It’s not my job to change who I am in order to become someone else’s idea of a worthwhile human being. I am worthwhile. Not because other people think I am, but because I exist, and therefore I matter. My thoughts matter. My feelings matter. My voice matters. And with or without anyone’s permission or approval, I will continue to be who I am and speak my truth. Even if it makes people angry. Even if it makes them uncomfortable. Even if they choose to leave. I refuse to shrink. I choose to take up space. I choose to honour my feelings. I choose to give myself permission to get my needs met. I choose to make self-care a priority. I choose me.

Daniell Koepke (via wordsnquotes)

[diary-of-an-infj]

INFJ Thoughts: Going Out

Me: I think I need to get out more.

(later that day)

Me: No never mind what was I thinking that’s a very terrible idea

(after not going out)

Me: I wonder… Would I have actually had fun if I went to that thing? (regrets not going)

[infyay]

User guide to your INFJ

Your INFJ comes with: 

One (1) crystal ball 

One (1) social mirror

Five hundred (500) calendars 

Unlimited stock of fears and worries 

Features:  

Ni: This feature makes the INFJ able to think of any consequence of their action, making them seem psychic. Ni also leads to sudden realizations. 

Fe: This feature makes the othervwise socially awkward INFJ able to socialize by mimicing the features of their interlocutor. Fe does sometimes fail. When this happens make sure the INFJ doesnt start digging a hole for themself to live in.

Ti: This feature makes the INFJ able to overanalyse the crap out of people, pay too much attention to insignificant detail and read too much into said detail. 

Se: This feature is the INFJs appendix. You should might consider to have this feature removed, as it causes the INFJ to occasionally overeat, oversleep, binge drink etc. Call the service number for advice if this is wanted.

Care: 

Food: The INFJ may forget to eat, and they may overeat. When your INFJ haven eaten in a long time, suggest that they should eat something. They will appreciate this and take it as a sign of care. However, do not speak about their overeating. EVER.

Sleep:  Your INFJ will (usually) make sure to get enough sleep. The exception is if they are in a particularly stressful period. In such periods they might end up pulling all-nighters, or they might just sleep to avoid the stressful problem. 

Hygiene: Your INFJ will have an ok hygiene. This is because of their fair of smelling or in other ways making themselves look bad to other people. With some INFJs this will comepletely change if they are alone for the day. They might forget that brushing their teeth is even a thing. 

Stress: If the INFJ is put under too much pressure and get stressed, the INFJ might: a) become emotionally cold, forget essential needs and become too focused on work. b) overindulge in certain activities, like watching a lot of TV, overeating, binge drinking etc. 

Other needs: Your INFJ will need hugs and words of affirmation. However, they will usually not initiate it or ask for it. As much as they hate to admit it, they also need advice sometimes. If your INFJ seems to be having troubles with opening up, you can always give them some alcohol. NB: your drunk INFJ may just end up handing you all the drinks. This is because they fear being the drunkest one at the party. 

Relationships with other units:

NTs: Your INFJ might feel intimidated by the xNTJs, but usually love the company of xNTPs. 

NFs: In interaction with other xNFJs, the INFJ and the other unit will usually just mirror each others behaviour, opinions and feelings. It usually works out fine. In company with certain NFPs the INFJ will sometimes feel scared to voice an opinon. With other NFPs this isnt an issue at all. 

SPs: The INFJ will usually get along ok with the SPs, but might get tired of their need for adrenaline, as this will tire out the INFJs Ni. 

SJs: Your INFJ will usually get along great with xSFJs. The xSTJs, like the xNTJs, might intimidate the INFJ. 

FAQ: 

There seems to be a problem with my INFJ’s speech, how can i fix this? Theres nothing wrong with your INFJ. Not being able to speak properly is one of the INFJ’s “charming” characteristics. You can however give the INFJ something to write on, and they will comminicate like a poet. 

Why is my INFJ so emo?  We are trying to fix this problem, but have not found a cause yet. When this is fixed, there will be a softwere update available. 

My INFJ is being really socially awkward and asking me weird and boring questions, what should i do? Nothing. The INFJ will usually be very stressed out when talking to new people. This will get better as your INFJ feels more comfortable around you. 

My INFJ is just like me, does this mean i am an INFJ myself? Nah bro, they want you to think you’re alike. 

Can my INFJ read minds? What no ofc not huh hehehe ehm hehe….. 

My INFJ knows things about me haven’t told it. Has it developed AI? We are aware of this feature in the INFJ, but can’t offer any answer to how they do it. 

My INFJ has been sitting in the corner of their room staring into the air for three days. What should i do? In this situation you have a few possible solutions: a) Let your INFJ sit there. They will get back to normal in not too long… (hopefully) b) Give your INFJ chocolate and hugs . c) introduce your INFJ to an ENTP. The INFJ will hopefully get so distracted from their thoughts that they forget all about them. d) try turning your INFJ off and on again. 

[dawnofconsciousness]

This is 80% accurate for me :P 

hey like, if you happen to do something abusive because of your mental illness

you still gotta apologize for it???? 

you still have to accept responsibility???

you can’t expect the people around you to just suck it up when you hurt them because you’re mentally ill. 

[brehaaorgana]

spiraling further and self-deprecation/calling urself a monster also isn’t an apology. an apology does not involve another person comforting you for your harmful actions. 

[fleursdanslatete-deactivated201]

same with claiming that you are a failure and are doomed to never change or improve. Apology should not involve the other person comforting you and rooting for you, and essentially being your cheerleader.

Same if you claim that not doing abusive things to someone repeatedly is “so hard” while also refusing to examine your behavior, to create a plan of action to help you cope with your mental illness in a healthy way, or by refusing to seek help in any shape or form. Twice as bad if you expect the person you abused to be your mental health therapist/processor.

[psych2go]

Sensitive people should be treasured. They love deeply and think deeply about life. They are loyal, honest, and true. The simple things often mean the most to them. They don’t need to change or harden. Their purity makes them who they are.

Kristen Butler (via psych-facts)

[purplebuddhaproject]