Zaza I'm a very angry person. My family is super upsetting and they always make me angry and I don't want go be this angry all the time but I dont know how to not be. I dont really know any good ways to vent my frustrations. Do you have any tips?
Anger is a normal emotional response that occurs in all people and how it’s handled may be less important than the fact that anger is so frequently felt in the first place. In many cases, excessive hostility is rooted in feelings of being unloved. Perhaps you grew up feeling that you can't trust people or even yourself? You say your family is upsetting, perhaps your cause of anger is legitimate and you need to move away ASAP?
Maybe you’re exposing yourself to too high levels of physiological arousal? I mean, noise, crowds, frustration or aggressive sports events do not generate anger, but they do increase levels of arousal. Which then, in turn makes it more likely that a small provocation will trigger an angry response.
Expressing anger often leads only to more anger and repressing it means you’re not addressing it at all. When is it alright to express anger?
If a circumstance satisfies these three conditions:
when anger represents a legitimate plea for justice,
when it is directed at someone who is the cause of the anger
when it’d result in a correction of the offence or wouldn’t cause retaliation.
When you get angry- Identify and Question
Recognise your anger. What are you really feeling?
Identify the cause of your anger. What’s the source?
Rate its importance. Does this need a discussion for improvement? Was the provocation was really directed at you?
Choose a realistic course. Can you let this go?
Next stepsDelay and reflection: will give you a chance to decide how to express your feelings without attacking or belittling the other person. Take personal responsibility: especially for your feelings.Don’t attack the integrity or character of the other person. State your opinions and needs: in calm and non-harmful terms.
Redirecting your anger into exercise or something aggressive will only maintain or increase your arousal level. Plus, later you may be even more aggressive than if you had just cooled off. Cooling off isn’t the same as not dealing with anger. It’s when your relax or distract yourself with an activity totally incompatible with aggression.
Venting is a negative reinforcement process,. It might make you feel great for a bit, but it’s not a cure, it’s a cycle. It prolongs your angst like pouring fuel into a fire. If you get accustomed to blowing off steam, you become dependent on it.The more effective approach is to just stop. A wise psych once said, ‘Venting is a lot like farting in an elevator. It might make you feel good for a moment, but soon you’ll regret it.’
Release your anger in 3 phases with 90’s phrases:
via rad kids, “Chill out, Dude!”
Your anger will dissipate faster when you make the effort to relax. Finding a peaceful activity makes it more difficult to maintain anger. So, go for a walk or at least move away from the source of anger. Also, practising deep breathing exercises or repeat a calming phrase could help you find some inner chill.
via Madonna, “Express Yourself”
Take time to learn conflict resolution and communication skills. If you can help it, never confront someone you’re intensely angry with, instead take that break and come back when you’re less agitated. When you do convo, avoid criticising or blaming the other person. Instead, address their concerns in a respectful manner, using “I feel” statements. Be willing to listen to the other person’s response. Then ideally, work cooperatively to find possible solutions.
via everyone and their Mama, “Talk to the hand”
Writing out your vents can be constructive. Expressive writing isn’t the same as verbal venting, as it can give you space to understand the cause of your feelings. Journal or write letters that you don’t share. Then you can step back and reassess to determine the cause of this anger and some potential solutions. Hope that helps turtledove! Good luck to you on your journey of personal discovery. I wish you all the peace.
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