Love.

I try life. I fail. I get up, I try again. 

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Hey everyone! 

I’ve started a new blog, check it out!

coffeechurchcollege.wordpress.com

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We All Screw Up

Over the past few months, I have failed. Completely. At life. I’ve had times of depression, I’ve had times of exceeding joy, I’ve had times of hysterical laughter, and times of non-stop tears. I wouldn’t trade the friends I have for anything in this world, although I’ve come to realize that I only have 2 friends I can completely trust with anything and everything. Compared to the number of “friends” I have and “true friends”, this is a sad, sad ratio. One of my true friends, I’ve completely backstabbed but she doesn’t know anything about that yet, the other, I’ve had feelings for for 3 years. So that’s that. I’ve realized that i’m not near as close to my family as I thought I was. I’m not one those people who constantly say “my family just doesn’t get me” but they REALLY don’t get me. They don’t understand music, why people would want tattoos, why people wear a lot of black, why I like certain music, the need for spontaneous and adventure, and they SUCK at feelings. But the worst of all of this, no one is trying to pull me back in to who I was. That’s probably the true me, honestly. But I like who i’m becoming. And nobody is fighting for the old me. Maybe they like the new me better, too, although it’s against their beliefs to hang out with people like who i’m becoming. And I’m falling into a deep, deep hole that I dug, stood over and admired, and pushed myself into while my friends watched. And now they’re just looking at me from the top. Not pulling a latter, rope, or anything to help, just looking and watching. But it is what it is. Maybe i’ll get my footing back. Maybe not. I guess we’ll see. 

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Hey guys! So in just a month, I'll be heading off to California to attend Bethel's WorshipU school of worship. Its a 2 week long school focused on music and worship. I play drums for my church, Revivify church, here in Evans, Ga and this school is going to help me move to deeper levels and bring everything I learn back to my local church! I can't tell you how excited I am for this trip but I'm still a little short on funds! Even if it's just $5, any and every amount is greatly appreciated :)

[wordsnquotes]

Some periods of our growth are so confusing that we don’t even recognize that growth is happening. We may feel hostile or angry or weepy and hysterical, or we may feel depressed. It would never occur to us, unless we stumbled on a book or a person who explained to us, that we were in fact in the process of change, of actually becoming larger, spiritually, than we were before. Whenever we grow, we tend to feel it, as a young seed must feel the weight and inertia of the earth as it seeks to break out of its shell on its way to becoming a plant. Often the feeling is anything but pleasant. But what is most unpleasant is the not knowing what is happening. Those long periods when something inside ourselves seems to be waiting, holding its breath, unsure about what the next step should be, eventually become the periods we wait for, for it is in those periods that we realize that we are being prepared for the next phase of our life and that, in all probability, a new level of the personality is about to be revealed.

Alice Walker: Living by the Word.  (via pureblyss)

[danicaehrielle]

You want to change the world? Then you need to start loving God in such a way that your entire world changes. That is the beauty of transformational love; it doesn’t just affect you, it affects all those around you.”

T.B. LaBerge (via jesussavesxoxo)

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The saying "God never gives you more than you can handle" is one of the most unbiblical things I've ever heard. Read Hebrews 12, 1 Peter 2:19-25, Romans 5:3-5, James 1, 1 Peter 4:12-19, and sooo many more. He never says he wouldn't give us more than we can handle, BUT our tests and trials are absolutely necessary to produce endurance in us, which then produces hope, and we have to let these things take full effect so that it will result in the praise and glory of God which SHOULD be our heart's desire if what we say with our mouths about Jesus is actually true in our hearts. God absolutely does give you more than you can handle, but He does that to draw you closer to the strength and the peace that only comes from Him. And the only way we can continue and grow in this walk with Christ is by the endurance that can only come through various trials.

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[nonelikejesus]

When my daughter was a toddler, I used to take her to a park not far from our apartment. One day as she was playing in a sandbox, an ice-cream salesman approached us. I purchased her a treat, and when I turned to give it to her, I saw her mouth was full of sand. Where I had intended to put a delicacy, she had put dirt. Did I love her with dirt in her mouth? Absolutely. Was she any less of my daughter with dirt in her mouth? Of course not. Was I going to allow her to keep the dirt in her mouth? No way. I loved her right where she was, but I refused to leave her there. I carried her over to the water fountain and washed out her mouth. Why? Because I love her. God does the same for us. He holds us over the fountain. “Spit out the dirt, honey,” our Father urges. “I’ve got something better for you.” And so he cleanses us of filth; immorality, dishonesty, prejudice, bitterness, greed. We don’t enjoy the cleansing; sometimes we even opt for the dirt over the ice cream. “I can eat dirt if I want to!” we pout and proclaim. Which is true—we can. But if we do, the loss is ours. God has a better offer.

Max Lucado (via stumblingintolove)

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Honestly..

I pray so much for God to move in others, but barely pray that He'd move in my own life. I've prayed for the longest for a clearer understanding and discernment of God's voice and Spirit. I've finally been getting what I prayed for, but I'm freezing up. He's speaking to me the clearest I've ever heard Him, and I've been suffering doubt and being a coward more than ever. I hardly tell people my problems because sometimes I feel like I'm one of the main ones that encourages and holds things together. I've been told I am. And while it meant a lot to me to hear it, it also laid a huge burden on my heart, like I have to be on my A game at all times. I'm terrified of getting older because I don't want to become complacent like so many adults are today. Though I've witnessed the gifts of the Holy Spirit used correctly and in accordance with scripture, I still doubt sometimes because of what I was raised on. Which I know was false. But I still struggle with it. One of the biggest struggles in my life is secular music. Not that it's wrong to listen to, for some, but for me, whenever I start to fall away in the slightest bit, secular music is what I run to and it is what keeps me down and drags me down even further. I love music so much but I hate the hold it has on me. I also struggle with being religious. Meaning, I tend to make it about a set of rules to follow rather than letting God transform my way of thinking. I struggle with guilt. When I sin big time (or at least that's what it feels like to me), I have this guilt that lingers in the back of my mind that hinders me from witnessing. And it seems like when I go through these times, doors constantly open for a way for me to speak the gospel, but I cower back because of guilt. Which is NOT right. If you haven't gotten the hint yet, I'm a coward. I press on for others to be bold, and I pray for others to be confident in what they believe, but I myself suffer with timidity. It seems like I know God is real, and I love Him. I pray with tears and sorrow for Him to move in others and for them to accept Him, but I don't pray that for myself. I feel like I don't want to feel that. Like, I know God is real, but I don't want to take on that responsibility, so I pray that others will do what I'm too afraid to do, which is take up your cross, crucify your flesh, and follow Him. I want to be wise. I want to be understanding. But I feel like I want it for selfish gain. So that others can look at me and see me as somebody who knows their stuff. I absolutely love my friends. But sometimes I wonder if I go to church to see my friends and hang all day rather than to worship God and hear his word preached. In case you can't tell yet, I am one messed up person. I'm flawed. I'm wretched. I hate who I am a lot of the time. I'm doubtful. I'm cowardly. I'm a hypocrite. If I saw somebody not stand up for the gospel, I would judge them. Honestly. But there are times when I'm around others and I don't stand up for the gospel out of fear that I may mess up my words, or that others will no longer accept me. I hate myself. That is, my flesh. But God called me to be more. I want to see that new creature rise up in me that 2 Corinthians 5 talks about. I want to be transformed. I want to be renewed. I want boldness. I want confidence. Not in myself, but in the cross. In who I worship. Pray this with me. Both over me and for yourself. Message me on here, I want to get to know some of y'all. God bless.

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You Can't Save People

Never think that anything you can do can get somebody saved. So many of you probably stopped reading this post at that line, but it's true. You can never have the right amount of wisdom, literature, examples, analogies, or charisma to get somebody to turn their lives over to Christ. You may stir up a little emotion, but without God internally working in that person, nothing will change. Our flesh is of NO avail. John 6:63 It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. Transformation in somebody's life is done by the Spirit. Faith comes from hearing, yes. But the Spirit brings forth fruit from that faith. And God is the one who sends out the speaker to speak. God is the one that opens the deaf ears to be able to hear. In 1 Corinthians, Paul preached nothing but the cross. He actually made himself sound less intelligent so that nobody would praise him for his words or his wisdom, lest the cross be emptied of it's power. He wanted his boast to be in the Lord and the Lord alone. Let's just focus on the cross. The cross is a foolish message, honestly. It's foolish to so many people. But are we as christians willing to look foolish to the world while we're here, knowing that we're storing up riches for ourselves in Heaven or are we going to do the complete opposite and glorify ourselves, building treasures for ourselves while we're here, but just look foolish in the end? The thing that scares me about being praised by others, is that it works. In Matthew 6, Jesus warns the disciples of doing things to be noticed by others. Because when we do things to be noticed by others, it works. We look for praise, well we got it. But that's all we got. We received our reward in full. Are you building rewards on Earth, or are you keeping your mind and your eyes on heavenly things? Just keep that in mind.

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Heaven Can Wait

I feel like American Christianity is centered on getting to Heaven rather than getting to God. I'm not saying God isn't in Heaven, or that we don't go to Heaven when we die, i'm saying we do things out of obedience more because we want to be in Heaven. We don't do things out of obedience anymore for our love for God, for our desire to please Him and to do what brings him pleasure. We do things now for blessings and prosperity rather than doing them simply because it's what He delights in and what he commands. I can't tell you how many times I've been to a church, or listened to a pastor try to lead somebody to Jesus by starting off with this question: "Do you want to get to Heaven when you die? Yes? Well, Here's how:". First off: Everybody wants to get to Heaven when they die, they just don't care for God to be there when they do. Second: Why must we use Heaven as a type of "bait" to preach the gospel? You want to see a real change and transformation in others? Preach the cross. If the Holy Spirit moves in power when we magnify the cross, why are we not magnifying the cross? Is it possible, and as scared as I am to say this, but is it possible that American christianity is preaching a "get to Heaven and live happily ever after" message rather than "while you were still a sinner, Jesus died for you" message? I'm not saying act as if Heaven isn't important. But it isn't meant to be our focus. Our focus is to love, to serve, to proclaim, to trust, and to obey. Instead of using the "do you want to go to Heaven or Hell" method to get people to hear the gospel, tell them about who God is instead. Describe to them who He is both to you and also scripturally. This is why there's no spiritual fruit in so many lives. This is why there are huge amounts of complacency and dead works. People think that they prayed a prayer one time and all is well with their soul. Absolutely not! What does Paul tell us to do in so many of his writings? KEEP PRESSING ON. Look to the author and perfecter of your faith! There is still a race to be ran! How are people to hear the gospel unless someone is proclaiming it to them? Heaven is an awesome place don't get me wrong, but who are the people that will receive the crown at the end of this life? It is the people who remained steadfast under trial, who didn't take light the discipline of God, who humbled themselves to serve others and love others because we are proven to be God's disciples by the love we show to one another. Don't sit back and wait until the end comes, we still have work to do!

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Wow, it's been a while since I've posted on here! Just an update for all of my followers: 

Things have been GREAT. 

I've realized something huge. For the past few months, my relationship with God has been very fear-based. Don't get me wrong, if you don't have some sort of fear of God in your christian walk, something's not right. But I felt like my fear of God was almost the only thing driving me to him. Not his love, not my love for Him, but my fear of Him. A lot of this thinking came from studying Hebrews. You can't study Hebrews without shaking in your boots the whole time. But Hebrews doesn't only show the wrath of God, it shows the mercy of God, which I wasn't grasping. I read a blog from John Piper's website which I'll post at the end of this. It made me realize that I viewed God as a very angry God, which is true, but I wasn't going by the correct biblical view of his anger. Basically, I felt distant from God. I abided more in the thought of his anger towards us than I did in the thought of his love for us. I was on the way home from work one day and started to pray. I prayed that I would understand God's love and desire and pursuit of us. He spoke this into my heart: "I'm not angry at you alone, I don't hate you, I hate your sin. It separates me from You. This is where my love and my desire for you come into play. While you were sinner, I died for you. I don't hate the fact that you fall short of my glory every day, I hate the fact that sin is constantly waging war against your soul and that it separates me from you. I love you, but I hate your sin." This is why Jesus died on the cross. To reconcile us to God. Because "by nature we are objects of wrath." No one seeks God, no one understands God, no one can draw near to God. Christ died as an act of God seeking us, understanding us, and drawing near to us. If you've been feeling distant form God lately, sit back, pray, meditate, read his word, and think of the cross. Think of your failures, then think of his mercies. How awesome is He? 

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/god-desires-you-far-more-than-you-desire-him

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HE > i

Lately, I've been in a stubborn stage. If I didn't feel like reading my bible, I wouldn't. If I didn't feel like praying, I wouldn't. If I didn't feel like doing what I knew was right, I simply just wouldn't do it.... This was such a bitter time for me. What made it so bad was that I KNEW 100% that I was putting things before God, and it wasn't phasing me one bit.  Whenever I sit and think about how praying, fasting, or studying my bible helps me in a natural point of view, it doesn't make sense. How does studying a book really change my life that much? How does talking to the air (or at least that's what it feels like sometimes) really benefit me? How does fasting increase my faith? How does doing the right thing really make that big of a difference? I was pondering on these questions throughout these few days, looking at them in a very fleshly point of view. Because let's be honest here, Christianity makes absolutely no sense. For about a week, something was pushing me to sit down, put my flesh down, and just study the Word. I didn't know how it was going to help, but I did it anyways. Something that I realized was this: When we obey what God commands, when we crucify our flesh and put down our desires, things happen spiritually that we can't see and sometimes might not even feel until later on down the road. We gain strength, we get renewed, we gain wisdom, and we may not always know it, but we are being transformed into the likeness of Christ the more we die to our flesh. I got together with some friends the other night, and it seemed like we had all been in this same place the past few weeks. We were not dying to our flesh like the bible so clearly says is a must for all believers. We got into this really selfish stage of thinking "How does this benefit ME? What's in it for ME? How is this going to change MY life?" I'm going to put this very simply, and try to make it as honest as I can. God's word does not bring our flesh any benefit. It kills our flesh. It kills our passions, our desires, our worldly ways of thinking, and our acceptance that we feel like we need from the world. BUT, this is not in any way a negative thing! What we die to in the flesh, we live to in the Spirit. Our desires we had in the flesh are now new desires in the Spirit. Our ways of thinking in the flesh have now been transformed by heavenly thoughts and being kingdom-minded. Our acceptance that we need from the world has now been replaced by our need for acceptance from God. We need to make it our aim to please Him. On judgment day, we aren't going to be judged by what other's say about us. We will be judged by the fruit we produced through righteousness by faith. And we cannot produce the spiritual fruit we need if we do not crucify our flesh DAILY and SEEK to obey and grow by studying, praying, fasting, worshipping, and glorifying. I know that I'm going to suffer in order to be where I want to be with God, but it is all completely and totally worth it. He must become more and more, I must become less and less. I hope you all are learning and growing in Christ, and hope as you draw near to Him, He will draw all the more near to you. God bless you all . -Natalie

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[akachristiannaa-blog]

He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles.

The Screwtape Letters // C. S. Lewis (via rainydaysandblankets)

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“Give me yourself, O my God, give yourself back to me. Lo, I love you, but if my love is too mean, let me love more passionately. I cannot gauge my love, nor know how far it fails, how much more love I need for my life to set its course straight into your arms, never swerving until hidden in the covert of your face. This alone I know, that without you all to me is misery, woe outside myself and woe within, and all wealth but penury, if it is not my God.” 

Augustine, Confessions