Futures made of virtual insanity
Now always seem to be governed by this love we have
For useless twisting of our new technology
“Jhonen” intersex male - tape-worm 23 years of age DID \ unmedicated schizoaffective \ autistic \
\ ASPD \ OCD \ SZPD
who knows... figuring myself out. Three alters presenting as one; we [typically] go by Vee, Nen, and VX — collective name is Jhonen. Sometimes we’ll make a distinction / sign our posts, sometimes we don’t. My host is the entity known as Johnny / Cross.
After a lifetime of mostly existing as a gatekeeper who’s been nonpresent in day-to-day life, I’m trying to figure out how to be a person and that entails becoming more of a person than a celebrity cardboard cutout…although I am completely incapable of separating my identity from my source, it’s just me.
My system is collectively known as [777] or the 777 House; Johnny / Cross is the host, whilst I am the gatekeeper / guy with executive control over the system who will take his place or make other decisions when he is unable to. I’m a system anarchist, I don’t believe in system accountability and whatever the idiots in my head do is a problem between you and them — I’m operating on a strict hands-off broadcasting policy — don’t make it my problem.
i haven’t heard the word “cyberstalking” in a long time but it used to be a recognizably bad thing to stalk someone online, to try to dig up everything you can on them, follow their every move online, obsessively post about them, barrage them with messages, block evade, etc - but now it’s just normalized and seen as something totally “ok” to do if the person in question is “problematic” in some way - like the same people who say “if your partner does this run” will turn around and do the same thing to a stranger online they dont even know and they don’t even think twice - it’s abuse, it’s harassment… just stop it
Finding out about Jedidiah being an alter that Cross was sexually engaging with really made me feel like Jerry turning into a bug when Beth cheated on him with Space Beth.
I kinda wonder if the current form of Cross [or the collective sum of his parts] is the result of him fully integrating with a Rick Sanchez alter that wasn’t always fully part of him? I mean, the Rick/Morty thing has always been part of him and Shooter, but it was not as intense for him when he first split and became Cross in 2022…it’s kinda weird because I never intended for him to be anything other than Johnny but I feel like it would be more wrong to separate them at this point.
I’m not gonna be a homophobic dad about it but sometimes I wonder if Shooter even has NPD or if he just accepted it from someone projecting it onto him because he just reclaims everything he goes through to get off to it.
you never know what someone is going through. for instance i didnt know i was going through anything until about 2 years later. i thought i was just chilling
I would still rather be dead than have to live this life as it is, I understand why Cross feels the same, but I’m almost tempted to overtake his suicide plans because even if he isn’t capable of fixing our life maybe I could.
Unfortunate irony aside, this is actually really serious. Temporal Arteritis can cause permanent vision changes, including blindness, and our vision has suddenly rapidly gotten worse and it may be caused by that. So, that’s really fucking bad…Cross had a sudden episode of blindness that lasted for nearly an hour last year and thankfully it was entirely temporary but yeah that’s terrifying. It also has the risk of killing us.
Kind of a shame I’m too traumatized to ever want to try again with intimacy with another person considering I am a deeply romantic person, as in romanticism being one of my innate qualities, but whatever I’ll just channel that into my tech fetish stuff I guess. I’m a luxury few can afford, like a functional Apple Lisa.
