Ā While searching through a dusty and forgotten box of books and papers that you found in your grandfathers attic, you pull out a small, brightly colored pamphlet that caught your eye. On the cover is a photo of a young, incredibly attractive man in a tank top, grinning up at you in a cocky, seductive, almost hypnotizing way. Above him is a a bright, bold title, reading āThe 5 steps of jockification, with pictures!ā
Bemused, you turn to the first page of the packet, and begin to read
As the jockification process begins, the new jock will at first not believe what is happening to them, perhaps first dismissing them as mere tricks of the light, or perhaps believing that they just look particularly good today. However, through their obliviousness, the physical changes persist, abs, pecs, biceps and other muscles steadily growing and becoming more defined, face squaring off, becoming more masculine, hair growing healthier and more stylish. Eventually, too the things around them will start to change, their pants becoming much more fashionable, their shirt melting away, or else changing to suit their new physique and appearance. At some point, however, the new jock will inevitably notice the changes in themselves, and realize that this is, in fact, real (pictured below)
You laugh to yourself, reading this strange passage. Does whoever wrote this really think that things like can actually happen? This must be some kind of elaborate joke, a satire of some kind. Still you have to admire the dedication and descriptiveness of it, so you turn the page and continue reading, interested to see what the rest of the pamphlet holds in store
Now that the new jock has realized that whatās happening to him is, in fact, 100 percent real, he begins to, out of curiosity, examine himself and the changes heās undergone. He lifts his arms up, examining every muscle and flexing them, amazed at their new and impressive size. His eyesĀ are drawn to his deep cut abs, creating a perfect v, bringing the eyeline straight down to his newly enlarged bulge. Eventually, either through a mirror, or perhaps a phone, heāll begin scanning his face, taking in the square jaw, the piercing eyes, the perfect lips. Of course, through all of this, he wonāt notice that the panic that was once overwhelming him is steadily subsiding, and his thoughts are starting to slow down as heās filled with a sense of contentment (pictured below)
You chuckle to yourself again, thoroughly amazed at what youāre reading. Somebody really took the time to write up and print out a pamphlet detailing something so ridiculous and improbable. And to spell it all out as if it was pure fact, it makes it even more insane. Still, you had to admit, it was kind of a fun read, and you shift in your seat, adjusting your tee shirt, stretched uncomfortablyĀ tight over your muscles before turning to the next page and continuing reading
By this point, the new jock has, rather unwittingly, found himself at peace with the changes heās undergone. He takes another look at himself, taking time to adjust his hair, perhaps toying around with an accessory or two, or tracing his fingers along his hard muscles almost absentmindedly. Thoughts continue to drain out of his head, leaving him nuch dumber than before, and that only helps speed up the process exponentially. Finally, and with a small smile, he realizes. He looks good. REAL good. And with that single thought, without so much as a warning, the final phase of his jockification begins (pictured below)
This time, you hardly stop to think before turning over the page to the next section of the booklet. Youāre very excited to read and learn about what the final phase of jockification is like, and finishing this pamphlet is the only way youāll ever find that out.
At this point, the new jock has undergone all the physical changes necessary to be considered a new jock, but is still lacking the attitude required to truly be one. Luckily, however, with that single thought from the last step, the new jock has unwittingly invited every single change required, giving them open access to himself. As he continues to look at his new body, cocky, narcissistic thoughts begin flooding his head. He doesnāt just look good! No, he realizes as he begins flexing and posing to himself in the mirror, heās not just good looking! Heās HOT! In fact, in his, heās one of the hottest guys heās ever met, if not THE hottest. With that, as well, comes a new appreciation for other broās hotness, straight out of nowhere. Of course no one could really understand how hot he is, except for another hot bro like himself. As he thinks that, his brain continues to drain, space that was once reserved for knowledge like math or vocabulary now being filled with thoughts of going to the gym, hitting the beach with his bros, and other such jock activities. Soon enough, the new jock is complete, indistinguishable from any and all of his equally dull, vain friends, completely oblivious to who he used to be before this day. As almost a sort of ritual, nearly every time the new jock will take their phone, raise it up, make a dumb, cocky face, and take a selfie, ready to upload it as the first of MANY new photos of himself about to make their way to Instagram. (Pictured below)
You smile to yourself before letting out a low chuckle. That was a good read! A bit hard to understand at points (Youāll have to ask your bros what narcissistic and oblivious mean later) but still a super interesting topic and really hot! The idea of a lame nerd becoming a hot jock sounds amazing, but too good to be true. You go to put the pamphlet away before catching a glimpse of the cover again, and slapping yourself in the forehead. There were FIVE steps! You skipped one! (You really can be such a dumbass sometimes). Laughing, you grab the pamphlet back and turn to the last page, quickly reading
Step 5: Look in the mirror, take a pic, and enjoy!
Confused at why the booklet would say that, you smile and shrug anyway, grabbing out your phone, and preparing for a mirror selfie. Damn you look good today! Seeing a great opportunity, you decide to show off, lifting your shirt up all the way, revealing your impressive pecs and abs, and sticking your tongue out in a cocky expression that says āIām sexy and I know itā. You take a couple different versions of the pic, pleased to see how great they all look. You pick the best one, swiftly uploading it to your strangely empty Instagram, already ready for the likes to roll in. Almost ready to leave, you turn back to the pamphlet. Maybe you could make copies of it? You know of plenty of friends whoād probably enjoy it just as much as you didā¦
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