i said no quints @quintaxels - Tumblr Blog

3am thoughts

turns out not accessing my main often did wonders. i got to focus more on my fs fan journal, watched my favorite tv shows, and fell in love all over again with my favorite sport. i also got interested in other things. kpop and ballet sound like a strange combination but i'm more interested in the idea of concepts in kpop. the music is great but my visual-dependent self is demanding i pay more attention to how they make the music video. on the other hand, ballet is one of the things i wanted to do as a little girl. you're probably tired of hearing this but i'm so proud of my ballerina aunt. the way she carried herself is beautiful. i wonder if she choose to pursue ballet as a profession, i bet she would make an amazing dancer. so i'll do the "try not to access my main" for most of May. but i'm afraid once vincent joins the SOI cast, i'm gonna break the rule. dedication huh?

#personal

before i go

hello. its me danica. as some of you know, i was getting spammed with anon hate recently. several times i got called unsavory things. how i reacted to them was not how i would react in real life. i'm not that type of person who would sass their haters. instead, i would be driven into a self-destructive mode because i care too much about how others see me. when i joined the fandom, everyone was nice and friendly. but when the competitions started, suddenly people started to be the same exact ones i tried to escape from, only that i can't because i've grown attached. even worse was when i try to be neutral, someone would make me feel bad for not taking sides. i am not that kind of person by nature. at the first sign of conflict, i will always try to avert it or run away. there are a lot of people who think highly of themselves because they're "woke". any word they will say, others would believe them just because. there was no longer any room for mistakes. it felt confining. i was suffocated with trying to keep up with the standard, not knowing that it will eventually put a toll in my mental health. my mental health was never the best. throughout the school year, i already get enough whiplash from just attending classes. i started skipping school bc my anxiety would run on an all-time high and it just keeps on getting worse and worse. to make it even difficult, i'm in the graduating batch and my whole being just wanted to give up. i'm sorry for disappointing anyone. i'm sorry that i wasn't that sweet summer child who was too pure for the world. i'm sorry that i liked people with questionable beliefs bc i see my old self in them. they serve as a reminder for me not to stop changing. yes even the people who we regard as heroes will disappoint us. why? because they are humans too. they make mistakes. they feel things. they care. but guess what? i ended up being burdened as well. something about an unspoken rule. but i really cant relate to people who are so perfect they are almost godly. yes i am talking about yuzuru hanyu. i like him as a skater but as a person? he's so fucking scary. i see a lot of yuzuru in my daily life. the kind of people so succesful you'd think they're the messiah. don't get me wrong i know he worked hard for his victories. its just he scares me. so much. another thing about the kinda hero worship going on with the fandom is when they mistakes, you'd think everyone will discard them and move on to a new overlord. they will sing praises and raise them to the most high but when they fall, you can hear the sighs of disappointment. kind of sad really. i hope that when i come back, everyone is a bit chiller now. discourse will always happen but please stop trying to kill each other. it will only do more harm than good. i am tired of the yuzu fans vs nathan fans or whatever that shit was. you're not really contributing to anything and you're just making unnecessary noise. education is important but please, PLEASE remember to be civil. ok stuff will get violent at some point but remember the person you are fighting with on the internet is real. don't be a dick. see you in a while. yell at your favs to take a vacation lots of love, dani

#personal

ohtheseskaters

#figure skating #Pyeongchang Olympics #Denis Ten #I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

eggplantgifs

Vincent Zhou (USA) performs his free skate to Moulin Rouge! at the 2018 Winter Olympics, earning a personal best 192.16 points in the free skate and 276.69 points overall to place 6th in his Olympic debut.

#figure skating #Pyeongchang Olympics #vincent zhou #gif set