The Quoteboard

Crazy things people (and I) have said in my hearing

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*Looking at the creek behind the diner*

Ashley: Look at the light on the water!

LuAnn: I wanna put a rubber alligator in there.

Ashley: .....There are 2 kinds of people.

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The creek in question:

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*LuAnn calls*

LuAnn: Hi! How are you!

Me: Stressed. How are you?

LuAnn: Okay! I called to tell you that if you get a text from me saying I'm stuck in an elevator, please disregard. I am NOT stuck in an elevator.

Me: Uhhhhhhhhh......

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Callie, reading a road sign: "Green Countrie". I like how they spelled "Country" with an -ie. Callie: Looks like a name a white woman would give her kid. Callie: "This is our daughter, Countrie!" Ash: "We call her 'Cunt' for short."

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LuAnn: They're French. Of COURSE they eat hamsters!

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LuAnn: You know, there used to be a Borders in this mall! It was great, because the Borders was downstairs, and then you could go upstairs to the coffee and pastry shop. And it was right by the gym, so you could sit there and watch the people working out, and eat your pastry in front of them. And I did.

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Wandering down an extremely steep trail at the arboretum

LuAnn: The azaleas are tempting us onward! Ashley: You know, this is how the faeries get you.

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*Looking at the creek behind the diner*

Ashley: Look at the light on the water!

LuAnn: I wanna put a rubber alligator in there.

Ashley: .....There are 2 kinds of people.

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LuAnn: Harriton Graveyard does have a ghost. He was stolen out of his family burial ground and reburied there. Because he was a Revolutionary War veteran, and they wanted to advertise, like, "Be buried with a Revolutionary War veteran!"

Ashley: If you can't make your own Revolutionary War veteran, store-bought is fine.

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(Looking at Bryn Mawr College's coat of arms:)

LuAnn: Bryn Mawr's colors are yellow and white. Because fuck the pope. And also heraldry.

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Ash: What's that flower?

Jen: I think it's a forget-me-not. But I'm not sure.

Ash: ...You mean you FORGOT? Jen, you had ONE JOB. ONE JOB, JEN.

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Ash: So, LuAnn and I want to plan a celebration!

Jen, eyes wide: WHAT HAPPENED????

Ash: uh----

Jen: DID TRUMP DIE??!!!???

Ash: No, dimwit, it's your birthday this weekend!

Jen: Oh. Right.

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Ash: If you have a baby in IKEA, does it get dual citizenship with Sweden?

Callie: You have to name it after the piece of furniture you had it on.

Callie: "This is my son, *unintelligible Swedish noises*."

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Ash: a friend in the witchy realm just messaged me like, "do you know how crystals work? can you teach me?" and i was like, "No, I don't really know much about crystals," and then ended up writing an entire book to her in messages about how crystals are supposed to work lolol

Diane: Is this the most "you" on-brand message you’ve ever shared in our chat

Diane: I say with the most love and appreciation

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[I gave my Chicano friend a cutesy little beaded bracelet that says "Chinga la Migra"]

Tony: They'll be chasing me for it! I'll tell them, "No speako Espanol. I don't know what it says! A sweet little girl at church made it for me!"

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Diane: I’m watching the second of two twin flames universe docuseries

Diane: And I gotta say, the nerve of claiming to be the second coming of Jesus AND being insulted about being called a cult

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Jen: He was a wild child.

Callie: He was a rake!

LuAnn: More like a shovel.

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Diane: I think I girl bossed too close to the sun.