Qwikster

Netflix's unwanted offspring. I was once the real deal, then someone stole my identity. :(

[qwikster]

Netflix Will End Its DVD Service After 25 Years

Sending DVDs through the mail, in recognizable red-and-white envelopes, helped the company become a behemoth in Hollywood.

Eleven years later, our plan has succeeded.

[brycedotvc]

[qwikster]

minusmanhattan:

This is really fantastic. 

Context.

How did you get a hold of our packaging!?!?!? Our Web site isn't even up yet!

[idroolinmysleep]

[qwikster]

This is terrible advice.

[shortformblog]

[qwikster]

shortformblog:

On the @Qwikster beat: The stoner that is the Twitter user @Qwikster — suddenly famous due to a somewhat-rash decision made by Netflix — now has his own parody account, @Qwikster2, which drew three other parody accounts. @Qwikster doesn’t approve. Tumblr user Qwikster has yet to make their opinion known.

If we used pizza delivery men to drop off your DVDs, we'd hire these guys. It'd be kinda like Geek Squad, except with grease stains.

[inothernews]

[qwikster]

inothernews:

Oh gosh, don’t tell me Netflix offered this @Qwikster dude all of $1,000 to buy his Twitter handle.  If true, that would be one heckuva follow-up to their “apology” debacle.

Reed Hastings, what the Hell are you doing over there, dude?

He probably got offered this by his pot dealer. Reed is much stingier than this, inothernews.

[stephenfalk]

[qwikster]

stephenfalk:

I was just putting The Lincoln Lawyer back in its Netflix envelope when I suddenly became very concerned it wouldn’t make it back safely to the facility in light of this morning’s news.

Thank you. I would've never found this without your help, Stephen.

[funnyordie]

[qwikster]

funnyordie:

13 More Netflix Announcements

Netflix continues to make logical choices in the wake of its celebrated price hike, announcing a plan to split its streaming and DVD services into separate companies. But lost in this declaration of idiocy were 13 other announcements that should not be overlooked.

PROTECT ME FROM THESE PEOPLE

[qwikster]

Keep your friends close and your old movie collection closer.

[qwikster]

Now seems like a good time for a movie. I think "Wall Street" might be a good one.

[nerdology]

[qwikster]

nerdology:

CEO Reed Hastings just posted an entry to the Netflix blog. It begins like this,

“I messed up. I owe everyone an explanation.”

Yikes.

Turns out all the hubbub on the internet about the price change on Netflix has had an effect on Reed. He’s not going to lower the price, or include...

He didn't mess up. Well, in a traditional sense. In reality, you guys didn't understand what was going on in that little head of his. But then again, nobody does. I should know. My name is Qwikster.

[qwikster]

So … anyone else thinking …

That I have no reason to exist?

[iamstratton]

[qwikster]

iamstratton:

So this kinda just happened out of nowhere. Netflix no longer going to mail DVDs, only to do streaming. Their DVD mail service is now going to be a second company call Qwikster. I really do hope this move doesn’t hurt them too much. I would love to see their streaming service grow and gain more and more content. Here’s hoping.

We'll be sure not to screw it up, man. Well, some of us will.

[craignewman]

[qwikster]

Our boy Reed's a little slow. He kinda got it for a little while, then he just totally lost it one day. It was kinda sad.

[shortformblog]

[qwikster]

shortformblog:

@Qwikster’s current Twitter home: Aww, his avatar is Elmo holding a joint. His tweets read like this: “I’m about hungry as shyt but my dad doesn’t want to buy me food lik wtf.” Mr. Jason Castillo, you’ve become the most popular user on Twitter overnight. How would you like to celebrate? “Son bitch need to stop trying to be big lik forreal forreal” (thanks @msuamber)

Lame. Everyone knows this is actually Reed Hastings' persona Twitter. He's a huge stoner. Didya know that?