im not real

normal account for normal people

[r0tandassim1late]

this is my random text/tcc account. i’m an adult and use he/him.

please do not ask for my main i’d rather step on glass and light myself on fire than have irls finding this account.

NOTE: i’m a hybristophilliac. if this makes you uncomfortable, please leave.

FUCK OFF: racists, homophobes, transphobes, or otherwise bigoted people, condoners, and if you misgender/deadname trans people because they’re “bad” people

[passion-crimes]

[r0tandassim1late]

i want to be more active here again i think

[r0tandassim1late]

well.

[ilikerodentsandguns]

The Enigma of Adam Lanza’s mind

One of Adams classmate said “ If you looked at him you couldn’t see any emotions go through his head. “

When Adam would go get his haircut he would just sit there and not speak, the woman who cut his hair said “ I just thought the child couldn’t speak. “

Adam had episodes that sent him into withdrawls

Loud noises , bright lights or any sudden change could send Adam into a unresponsive state

Adam had extreme sensitivity to light and sounds but had decreased sensitivity to pain

When Adam was 14 he asked a nurse at Yale child study center he asked a nurse about schizophrenia and OCD but never shared if he had any symptoms

When Adam was younger he had difficulty learning to speak and made up his own language and used it till he was 5

When Adam was filling out a form for a university he wrote “ I choose not to answer “ when asked about his gender

September 6th 2011 Adam wrote on a forum “ I used to think I was asexual, but the primary reason I thought I was is because my BMI was 14 “

Adam participated in a online discussion that had gaming and homosexual fantasies

Adam wrote a screenplay about a 10 year old boy and a 30 year old man relationship

In a message online between Adam and a stranger, the stranger wrote something about having sex with Adams mother and Adam replied “ We will fuck her together! Then kill her and dispose of the corpse. “

[r0tandassim1late]

it was my birthday a while ago. got cool presents from my friends :)

[sickosexual]

"I like you, I wanted to kill you" written repeatedly by Yuka Takaoka in her boyfriend's blood, after stabbing him

[richardsletters]

Some of Richard’s personal stuffs, most of these are sold by his wife Doreen. 

 “I certify this is an authentic book owned by Richard Ramirez in San Quentin prison. Doreen Ramirez”

“I certify this is an audio cassette Tichard Ramirez owned and listined to in San Francisco county jail from 1990- 1993 and in San Quentin 1993 - 2006. Doreen Ramirez“

“I certify this is the authentic pair of "prison blue” denim jeans worn by Richard Ramirez in San Quentin state prison in 2000. Doreen Ramirez"

“I certify this is the watch worn by Richard Ramirez in San Quentin state prison in 1995 and 1996.  Doreen Ramirez ”

“I verify that these are my authentic clothes. Richard Ramirez”

“I certify this is the authentic tie worn by Richard Ramirez to court during his trial in Los Angeles. Doreen Ramirez”

"I certify this is the authentic blue-chambray immate shirt worn by Richard Ramirez in 1994.  Doreen Ramirez “

[richard-ramirez-ramone]

“Dahmer’s aberrations were sculpted in society’s response to his ‘psychograph’, which trapped him in an impersonal fantasy life. His genetic uniqueness had succumbed to the battering of a lack of psychological nourishment. In early years, he had become so removed from tactile and emotional contact with his fellow creatures that his condition became ingrained by volition of combined circumstances acting throughout his life”.

- Serial killer Dennis Nilsen discusses fellow serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer in his typically verbose and high-flown manner. Both lonely gay men who sought a perverse companionship from dead bodies, their cases have been frequently compared. Nilsen only chose to comment on Dahmer however when Brian Masters, the author of the acclaimed book Killing for Company about him, released a book on Dahmer in 1993 entitled The Shrine of Jeffrey Dahmer. Nilsen, who had been critical of Killing for Company despite his strange friendship with Masters, was equally critical of this book too, stating that “I certainly got no clearer recognition of Dahmer the man from reading it”. 

The ‘psychograph’ that Nilsen alludes to above is one of several jargon-like phrases he has coined in his writings. It refers to the human being’s mental map shaped by childhood life experiences that leave a legacy for the adult. The quote comes from his unpublished autobiography History of a Drowning Boy. 

[dahmergifs-blog]

[wrathofbloodeye]

a letter from dennis nilsen to brian masters, 23 August 1991. as the two have similar components in their cases, nilsen provides his opinion on jeffrey dahmer’s motives and psyche.

Dear Brian,

Thanks for the (all too brief) visit. My first observation of D is that he had two primary social factors working against him. The first is that obviously recurring theme of being “a loner.” The second is that (to use the American phrase) he was born on the wrong side of the tracks. I guess that in his most early formative years his immediate household may have been female-dominated (with or without the presence of a passive male adult). As is often the case with serial killers “he always secretly wanted to be someone” as an adjunct to his lifelong world of fantasy (where he is already powerful and potent). In “real” society he feels that he is a dispensable “nobody” as insignificant as those whose remains adorn his private world (his apartment).

The dichotomy is that his power aspirations are not easily transferable into the real world because he has not been endowed with the overt powers of viable drive and ambition in interpersonal relationships in the real world. He achieves “sexual” fulfillment by acts of power of conquest to render the threatening potency of another man into the absolute and manageable state of passivity. He “fears” the potency of real men because he is by nature a wan and socially shy personality. His need for feelings of self-esteem are usually satisfied only in his fantasies (imagination) because he cannot garner such fruits from live people. He needs a totally unresisting, passive model of a human being in order to “cross the bridge” temporarily into “society.” (Being human he needs “fulfillment” in the human three-dimensional world of real flesh and blood.)

It is significant that a common view of the Stone Age depicts a potent male clubbing a sexually desirable female into unconsciousness and “wedding” her by an act of copulation with her passive body. Here we have the ingredients of power/violence rendering the desired person into a state of extreme passivity followed by sexual release for the conqueror. It is the opposite poles of gross action and gross passivity that attract. This is the constant in the serial-killing conundrum whether the victim is male, female or child. Dahmer’s “buzz” comes from the whole continuing ritual exploitation of the victim’s passivity. Each expressive sequence in the ritual gives sexual and self-esteemed satisfaction. It is a grossly perverted psychosexual act of copulation and like normal acts of copulation the satisfaction is of relatively temporary duration. The ejaculation is merely the biological release of inner pressure as is necessary for this human cycle of peaks and troughs.

D is buzzing with excitement and power (his heart rate is pounding at maximum speed) as he “lives out” his omnipotence. (It’s the only time in his life when he feels in his fantasies.) This is while he is stripping, washing and handling his unresisting spouse. These are all acts of possession and expression of extreme dominance. Perhaps subconsciously he is regressing back to his first (and only) memories of human touch, dependency, security and comfort. (As a very small boy being soiled, undressed, washed, powdered, dressed and “laid out.”) After this brief and early period of clear identity and security he drifts away into the wan growing little boy devoid of warmth, touch and comfort. As all humans will do if they cannot satisfy their needs in reality he has drifted to a substitute world where his imagination creates false fodder to feed his hunger. As conditioning advances he finds it less and less easy to relate to other people. Psychologically speaking Dahmer becomes both victim and predator (an easy accomplishment in one’s imaginary world). Brian, this is what you described in me as “virile male in performance and passive female in spirit” (an ungovernable mess of contradictions).

His unfolding aberration escalates in accordance with to what degree he is detached from reality (for example, what is termed NECROPHAGY is an extreme example of extreme detachment). This is manifested in “going all the way” in eating the heart of one’s victim/spouse. (If you have the power to eat a man’s heart this demonstrates your extreme power to possess and his extreme passivity.) The painting and display of the victim’s skull is a constant reminder of one’s potency.

The paradox is that D cannot hate his victims because his objective is achieved by exercising his will to sexual power and potency. The need is “love” for him and death for the hapless victim. Dahmer is “forced” to unnaturally seek to accede to the demands of his natural instinctive drives. He is perhaps partially aware that his “love” is really for himself or a created entity within his deranged personality. It seems clear that his personality will remain disordered in the absence of a self or presented therapy to help him come to terms with the engine of his acts.

P.S. I’m still in the dungeon.”

full source

[wrathofbloodeye]

dennis nilsen letters: part two

nilsen wrote to another unnamed penpal on september 4th, 2003. while the letter found in this article is seemingly ordinary, i think there are some interesting insights on his personality to consider throughout it.

he begins with his criticisms on the prison system’s procedures on receiving money. he then begins to talk about a documentary on myra hindley, who killed five children in england with her lover, ian brady.

“I watched the Channel Five documentary on Myra Hindley last night. One suspects that any programme with “Monster” in its title is not to be taken seriously as offering any new insight into the subject. TV journalism remains too set in its populist formulas. It revealed no new analysis or enlightening information. It hinged itself on that famous ‘demonic’ photograph of her taken at the police station. That saved millions the bother of ever having to think deeply about her ever again.”

this excerpt gives us insight on his opinions towards true crime material. in another letter circulating around, he writes to another person saying “my singular observation on crimes crackers is that they are mostly crackers.” i admit, i share the same opinion on the title of the documentary. the word monster is a reoccurring word in the titles of many serial killer documentaries and dramas. two examples would be the series invisible monsters: serial killers in america and monster: the jeffrey dahmer story. the use of the word can become overused and repetitive, which simplifies the unique details of an individual and their case.

my favorite part of this letter is towards the end.

“Scientists tell us that an asteroid might strike the earth on 21st April 2014. If I’m still around, I’ll look out for it as the end of the world is something not to be missed. Friendly greetings as always, Des. PS: What do you think of the new Bull Ring development?”

some of nilsen’s personality is revealed through these few lines. he seems quite pretentious even in his letters. not surprising, given his narcissistic personality disorder diagnosis. he is intelligent and provides thorough descriptions for his opinions (whether they make sense or not). and then he just out of nowhere, adds on something completely irrelevant and a little bizarre. seems like he had the attention span of a squirrel here, but it was probably just an attempt to make the recipient laugh. honestly, i found it amusing. it truly feels like you are reading the letter of a pretentious old man that likes to joke around.

i’m not sure if this next excerpt is from this same letter, but the article mentions it nonetheless, as it connects with earlier topics.

“I serve my time as an extreme example of human contradiction in the wide continuum of human nature and its actions. I am not contained, mute and immobile in a glass jar as some kind of eternal official specimen of popular ‘evil’. As I am alive I must live as a man. I seek only to reach out to engage with the human dimension which is anathema to rigid officials of the retribution machine who are content with the official view of men like me as eternally and evilly sub-human and monstrous.”

i believe he means he is a complex person who should not be simply categorized as evil, just as myra was. he deeply wants people to understand him less as a criminal and more as a person. he feels he is interpreted through a lens that ultimately deems him as evil, and that opinion is therefore passed on to others without further thought like a machine. des honey this is a difficult thing to ask for, since you killed multiple innocent lives.

i have two opinions about this that coexist, even though they are conflicting. this makes a lot of sense, while making no sense at all. his opinions and meanings are there, but it’s overshadowed by fancy syntax that does not always fit. especially that last run on sentence, as it takes him a long time to get to the point. he’s right about being contradictory- he desperately wants to be seen, but toys around with the idea more than outright demands it. his autobiography in its draft form included hours of tapes and 6,000 pages of notes. he forces people to understand him and will drag time out to do it. however, he is too high up on his own hill to level with everyone else.

his intentions may come in bits and pieces, but we may never have a clear understanding of who dennis nilsen truly was.

also, if anyone has a clear photo of the letter, feel free to share!

[r0tandassim1late]

i have been stalking tcc twitter for a few months now. why is everyone there weird and racist

[r0tandassim1late]

i want to be more active here again i think

[r0tandassim1late]

it’s been 28 years :(

[r0tandassim1late]

good afternoon

[r0tandassim1late]

i have a fever what’s up

[r0tandassim1late]

it has gone away

[r0tandassim1late]

i have a fever what’s up