born to be better

if my legs were longer, they might carry us further. . . but we waited too long. . . and so the task just gets h a r d e r, and the thoughts that come in... they come on stronger and stronger and it takes all of me just to stay out of the water

[rab-stan]

[ narcissa ]:

Narcissa gave a wry chuckle. “Funny, I was just about to ask you the same thing,” she remarked. “Forgive me for saying so, but you do look a little tired today.” Her own eyes took his face in, searching just as his had her own moments before. She wondered what he would admit to, what part he had played in the night. Narcissa hadn’t known the details of the plan, just that there would be a large attack. She had stayed up all night waiting for Lucius’ return. 

You don’t want to know my thoughts, he almost uttered in reply. With her, there was always a niggling worry that he would scare her away if he was honest about what happened on missions. Perhaps they wouldn’t necessarily make her run away from him, but her distancing herself from him seemed quite a probable occurrence. Besides, he didn’t want to step on Lucius’ toes. He wasn’t sure how honest and open his friend was about it. It certainly wasn’t easy to be.

Exhaling heavily, he ran a hand through his dark locks before shaking his head. “ You caught me on a bad day... but you know who’s having a worse day? ” he looked about in slight suspicion, hoping the conversation seemed somewhat neutral. “ The two people arrested on suspicion of being Death Eaters. Ezekiel Rosier and Mulciber. They’re going to Azkaban. For a long, long, long time. ”

Rab swallowed thickly. That was always a reality he wasn’t prepared for. He didn’t want to actually tell her he’d been there, but the guilt in his eyes wasn’t easily hidden. Switching conversation seemed the best thing to do and he cleared his throat. “ I take it Lucius has been kept busy by all of this? ”

[rab-stan]

Lestrange Manor / 20th March 2018 / Closed for: @bvllatriz

Rab threw her hex back with a frustrated shout, teeth gritting against each other as he fought to catch his breath. Bellatrix was running circles around him, any opportunity to make him suffer more -- she’d take it. He’d always been an aggressive dueller. It made for poor accuracy, and was even worse for his defence he’d been told. There were few times he didn’t let his temper get the better of him. He knew she was just pushing him, only enough so that, in his anger, he would tap into a more powerful capacity that would allow him to best her. Allow him to be a better dueller. There was little chance he could do that without channelling something special.

Between choked breaths, he tried to go over the things she had taught him but he was interrupted by a flash of silver flying towards him. Darting to the side, he launched into a tuck and roll before shouting out their safe word, “ Quidditch! ” He threw up his hands in resignation as he jumped up, eyes rolling to the back of his skull. “ Q-Quidditch. ”

[rab-stan]

[ miriam ]:

Closed for: @rab-stan.

Location: St. Mungo’s.

Date: March 15th, 2018.

Miriam wasn’t surprised when she saw Rabastan’s name on her calendar. In fact, their meetings had almost become regular now that he’d grown slightly used to her checking to make sure he was okay. Although, she’d forgotten just how long it had truly been. Even with all of their technology and magic combined, some wounds could not be cured instantly, and Rabastan had a nasty one that even Miriam couldn’t cure completely, despite her best attempts. He was due for a check-up but the month had flown by without Miriam even noticing how fast the seconds ticked. 

Miriam wasn’t completely blind, though. While she hated the war, she recognized that other people were involved in it. However, Rab didn’t seem like the fighting type and so it confused her just as to why he was a part of something so violent. Of course, though, Miriam didn’t judge. She couldn’t. There was always a reason or an explanation for something; always another story behind the facade. 

Knocking once on the door, she slid inside only to see him sitting on the table. A small smile covered her lips and she tilted her head. “Y’know, I thought I’d see you back a little sooner,” she said. “We were having such a fabulous conversation about tacos that I just thought you might go break your other arm just to see me.” She winked before heading over to the computer that now sat on the counter beside him.

“How’s the arm feeling? Mobility any better?”

Rab was used to waiting for Miriam at this point. A busy schedule with a few minutes to spare for him every few weeks, that was all he could afford from her. But he appreciated her help every time, and her gentle hand, and her sense of humour too. It helped with the pain of his injuries. He felt he could be almost his full self with her and that -- these days -- was rare.

Looking up from his lap as she knocked, he automatically stopped swinging his legs back at forth and his eyes twinkled at her words. “ Well, y’know, I don’t like to be a nuisance. No matter how good the pillow talk is. ”

A nervous chuckle bubbled out from his lips. “ Uh--yeah, much better. I’d say almost-- ” he rolled his shoulder back and forth, wincing slightly at the tinge. “ --almost back to full mobility, but I’m not the healer. ” He dropped his arm, a few heavy breaths spilling forth. He looked at her once more, faux concern filling his hues. “ So, what’s the diagnosis, doc? Will I survive? ”

[rab-stan]

Imperio / 17th March 2018 / Closed for: @peterpettigrxw

Rab peered around at all the green decorations assorted about the club. Banners, streamers, balloons, fireworks, you name it. It definitely wasn’t his top choice when it came to going out, but thanks to last minute plans on St Patrick’s Day, everywhere else was at full capacity and he had ended up here with a few ‘friends’ from the lower ranks of the Death Eaters. He had Lucinda to thank for the entry. 

He stood leaning over the bar, searching up and down for Lucinda. She was nowhere to be seen and he imagined she was probably handing out shots to strangers who didn’t know how to keep their hands to themselves. Shaking the thought from his mind, he caught the eye of a barman and ordered a whiskey. 

Once he’d paid and received his drink, he looked over the complimentary green cocktail given to him disdainfully before sliding it across to the person on his right without giving them a proper glance. “ Hey, you want this, mate?! ” he attempted to shout over the music and camaraderie, nose wrinkling in distaste. “ I'm not that fond of drinks with... confetti in. ”

[rab-stan]

Lestrange, Sr.: If you’re saying that I play favorites, you’re wrong. I love all of my children equally.

[earlier that day]

Lestrange, Sr.: I don’t care for Rabastan.

[rab-stan]

[ andromeda ]:

She felt like she’d been holding her breaths for those first few moments. This was new ground for Andromeda. she’d had very little interaction with anyone who’d run in those pureblood circles since she’d cast herself out. She was unsure of exactly how she was meant to act. It was in moments like these Dromeda wished there was a guidebook for people like her. The Guide To Being Thrown Out Of Your Prejudiced Pureblood Family. The thought made her laugh. Maybe Sirius would co-author it with her.

There was something in Rabastan’s voice though that made Andy feel like she could breathe again. Kindness wasn’t the right word for it. Comfortableness certainly wasn’t. But he didn’t look at her the way Bellatrix and her parents had on the few occasions she’d passed by them on the streets. “Things are okay.” She said, a delighted grin breaking her feeling of discomfort. “Great. Actually.” Would he want to hear that? That her life had never been better since she’d abandoned her family. Perhaps not, but if he didn’t that was his problem to deal with. “I have my own family now and I’m uh… I’m really happy.” It was the first time she’d been able to admit that to anyone from her old life. Anyone who knew what it meant that Andromeda was happy. She was suddenly aware of a weight on her shoulders being lifted. “And how are you?”

He didn’t look at her with disgust, something that resembled more a faint disdain. He couldn’t help it. Disguising his feelings had never been something Rabastan was very good at and it hadn’t improved with age. It wasn’t as though he disliked Andromeda, but he did dislike that she left her sisters. He resented his own brother more than he cared to admit, but he couldn’t imagine the gaping hole that would be left if Rod suddenly decided to abandon him. He wasn’t sure they, especially Narcissa, deserved that.

Tucking his hands into the pockets of his slacks, Rab gave a slow, understanding nod. He was relieved to hear she was happy. That was all he wanted for everyone really, no matter the side they were on. Perhaps because he struggled to find it so much for himself. “ Sounds like you have everything worked out. I’m happy for you, really. ” he gave a meek smile, lightly wondering whether he should be honest with her about his own situation. In the end, he decided honesty might bear too heavy a weight for a light catch up. “ Things are great. Never better. I went pro for some time with a big quidditch team, but decided I wanted to pursue other options. ” 

It wasn’t all a lie. He did go pro and he did pursue other options, though not out of choice. Rab wondered if she kept up with any news about him or the others, read any short articles about them in stupid tabloid magazines as she was flicking through aimlessly. He refused to believe Andromeda would’ve never been tempted to see what people they knew had been up to, that she stopped caring as soon as she left, or never cared at all.

[rab-stan]

[ narcissa ]:

Narcissa was curious what other word Rabastan would use for it. She liked to know what made people tick, not least because it was easier to manipulate them if she did. But for the Death Eaters…well they were not all blood thirsty monsters, though Merlin knew that some of them seemed to enjoy the maiming and killing of Muggleborns a little too much. Narcissa did not get that impression from Rabastan, though. She sensed…that he was conflicted. 

“I would,” she nodded. “Except make it an Earl Grey tea, please.” 

“ Earl Grey it is. ” he echoed as the waiter began to scribble down the order. “ I’ll take a coffee. Black. Thanks. ”

He offered the waiter a polite quirk of his lips that half-resembled a smile before he looked once more at Narcissa. Placing his elbows against the table, he clicked his tongue as he scrutinised her features carefully. “ Penny for your thoughts? ”

[rab-stan]

[ maisie ]:

Even the small amount of attention seemed to be enough to calm Finn down enough for her to sit at Rab’s feet, panting happily and enjoying the company of a stranger. Maisie wished she had half the dog’s extroverted energy, but instead she was left shuffling awkwardly when the man offered her a spot next to him. “Yeah uh-” She bent down to let Rory off his leash, releasing the wee white monster into the park before sitting down. 

“She’s really friendly,” She said quietly, thumb stroking the body of the camera that hung around her neck, “Just sort of a spazz. Used to be that she was really calm too, but I guess instead of mellowing with old age she got sort of…neurotic.” Maisie laughed awkwardly, trying not to look down at the man’s laptop despite her own curiosity. She sat quietly for a while, before leaning back and looking up at the sky. “It’s nice out. Weather said it might rain later, but looks like they were wrong.” 

Rab watched the other dog fly off, chuckling softly under his breath. He had thought about getting a dog himself before. He couldn’t though, not until he had moved into his own place. He shuffled to the side to let the woman sit beside him and closed his laptop down, placing it on his other side safely.

“ A dog’s nature says a lot about their owner. Have you grown neurotic with age? ” he teased lightly, leaning forward once more to let Finn nuzzle against his hand. Rabastan peered up towards the sun, shielding his eyes from the sun’s deathly glow and made a dubious noise. “ That’s a hopeful prediction. I wouldn’t get too ahead of yourself, it’s not quite Spring yet. ”

[cut-and-puff]

Sometimes, I just need to be told that I’m not as bad as I think I am.

(via cut-and-puff)

[rab-stan]

[ emilia ]:

He wanted to help her? Emilia looked at Rabastan with confusion painted on her face, and it wasn’t only because she felt left completely in the dark. She couldn’t be angry about that fact, of course, as she was not involved with the Death Eaters ( and she was glad not to be every single day ), but still — to wake up and find her family’s name in the Prophet and the world in pieces, was not her favourite way to start the day.

“Right, yeah, of course,” she said, nodding a little. This whole ordeal was making her nervous. Hospitals themselves did, but this uncertainty was driving her slightly insane, and she could feel her stomach fill with butterflies as time went on. “What is it?” She hoped she was able to hide the way she felt, but Emilia felt more unstable than she usually did, as if she was balancing on high heels in mossy grass. 

He looked around the elevator, offering sickly polite smiles to those who met his gaze as he shoved his hands in his pockets. He felt sorry for her, because things had suddenly changed overnight and it was unlikely normalcy would return anytime soon. But he still remained ambiguous for the rest of the elevator ride, until they reached the ground floor and he gestured for her to go first.

“ I just--I just think you’re probably gonna need a friend very soon. You’re gonna need somewhere to go, to escape--away from your family, from the people that are going to start following you around and asking questions. ” Rab muttered loud enough for only her to hear, not bothering to make eye contact with anyone in the foyer. “ They’ll already be tracking your phone, anything you use, watching the people you love so they can pin something on you too, even if you’re innocent. I’ve been through it and--I figure maybe I can be of some help. ”

He wanted to tell her, that he had been there last night with her uncle. But he didn’t know if he could trust her yet, not until she trusted him. 

[rab-stan]

[ narcissa ]:

Five minutes later, as promised, Narcissa had closed up the table to go meet with Rabastan. Let people worry that they had missed their opportunity to participate and win for a bit. It would only make them more eager when she returned. 

She smiled as she spotted Rabastan. This time it was he who was sitting and her approaching. “Thank you for waiting,” she said. “I’m sure you have a busy day.” Narcissa looked guiltily at her brother-in-law, hoping she wasn’t keeping him from anything important. Narcissa understood keeping a strict schedule, though hers could occasionally be more flexible than the working witch's’ or wizard’s. 

Rab looked up and instantly his features broke into a soft smile as he put his phone faced down on the table. He had waited for her to arrive before ordering. He didn’t know what she would drink and he would’ve felt rude just ordering for himself. 

“ --Busy would be one word for it. . . yeah. ” he let out a slightly stubborn sigh, nodding deeply. Making eye contact with the waiter over Narcissa’s shoulder, he straightened up in his seat, one hand digging into his inner pocket. “ I’m paying. You want a coffee or something? ”

[rab-stan]

[ lucinda ]:

She reached up and ruffled his hair before he could put too much distance between the two of them – it was small movements like that that showed her she was making him uncomfortable and she loved it.  “It’s a story that would make even that perfectly sculpted hair of yours curl,” she laughed, leaning against the desk.”

She hopped up as he went through his ritual, crossing her legs, one over the other, as she waited for him to be done.  “Are you going to tell me what happened now?  Why my uncle got arrested on what was supposed to be an easy mission?”  She was more worried about him, her uncle was a dick, but he was more likely to talk if he felt he owed her something.

He made a face at the ruffling, raising his hand to quickly smooth it over. He was used to being treated like a child sometimes, since he had always been the youngest when he was growing up, surrounded by his brother’s friends. Rod’s little brother, ‘Little Lestrange’. He raised his brows at her remark but didn’t bother to reply. He didn’t want to get sucked into that right now.

Straightening up, Rab let out a restless sigh. It wasn’t like he had many answers and he wasn’t sure whether arresting two murderers was even a bad thing.

“ It was an easy mission. ” he echoed, shaking his head in distaste. Especially compared to some of the others he’d been on. “ We just didn’t anticipate the Aurors responding so quickly. They had the place surrounded. It almost felt like they knew, or something, I don’t know--it just happened so quickly. We split off into groups to try and get out, your uncle and Mulciber went round the back--and we waited for them at the portkey and they just never showed. We couldn’t wait any longer and by that time, we figured they had found some other way back. Or that they were probably... dead. I’m sorry. ”

[rab-stan]

[ andromeda ]:

“i’m so sorry.” andromeda begun apologizing, although her eyes remained focused on dora instead whoever it was who she was speaking to. as she spoke, andromeda wrapped the little girl in her arms and lifted her up, “dora can be a little-” she broke off suddenly when she came face to face with him. rabastan, her mind provided instinctively. a habit from a time when it was considered the height of impropriety not to recognize a fellow pureblood on sight. his brother was married to her sister. a sister who had cut her out of her life for embracing the one thing that had made her truly happy. she wondered if her estranged brother-in-law would begrudge her that happiness too.  merlin, would he ever recognize her? she couldn’t imagine how, her portrait had been burned from the family tree years ago and she highly doubted her family kept pictures for the sake of nostalgia. she’d given up the idea that her family missed her at all a long time ago.

“i’m sorry.” she begun again, more hesitant this time. “dora can get a little excited sometimes. she doesn’t always look where she’s going.”

His eyes narrowed in scrutiny and while she might’ve looked a little tired, she still seemed to look good. Better than him anyway. He had not seen her for years, but she’d been a prominent figure in the pureblood circle at one point, how could he not recognise her? Besides, he saw both her sisters in her features, a softness not present in Bella but still looking more seasoned than Narcissa’s. He wasn’t sure how to behave around her. She had done things he wished he had the courage to do himself, proof that family wasn’t blood-related.

He had heard a while ago that she had been pregnant, but seeing the child still gave him a slight jolt. Rabastan looked around them before waving her apology off with a hand. “ It’s fine. It happens. ” He looked at the child in uncertainty then back to Andromeda. “ It’s, uh, been a while. Things... are okay? ”

[rab-stan]

[ frank ]:

“I appreciate that man,” he said, smiling ever so slightly, grabbing his hand and gently patting it.

Frank saw Rabastan’s hesitation and almost cursed himself for crossing a line. Their friendship used to be so open, a freedom that Frank didn’t often find with many of his fellow Puffs. It hurt now that they both had to tiptoe around each other, trying to figure out exactly what to say in order to make the other still feel comfortable. Frank was never one to pressure anyone into anything, though. So he waited for the response. 

Pleasantly surprised, Frank’s grin grew. “Alright then,” he said. “I’ll take what I can get. Got a lady to get back to?” His eyebrows shot up, grin lessening a bit into a smirk. Frank used to tease him all the time because he’d had no one else to tease. He was in love with Alice since birth; James had been in love with Lily and Ted in love with Andromeda since they both found their way to Hogwarts. Rab was his only guy friend he could tease about this particular subject.

It felt normal, the both of them walking down the hallway, and Frank decided to keep it that way. Turning down a corner, he looked up at Rab. “Hey is this still your favorite candy?” He reached into his bag and pulled out a half-empty bag from Honeydukes. “I didn’t need quite as much as I thought. If you want some, feel free.”  Frank took some for himself, as if to show good faith.

Rabastan let out a breathless chuckle, shaking his head at his friend. He found it odd that they could still joke about things like that, even though they were barely in each other’s lives at this point. If he was involved with someone, would he even tell Frank? He knew the likelihood was he’d have to marry some day and it increasingly looked like it wouldn’t even be his choice, or someone Frank would approve of. Rod and Bellatrix hadn’t yet produced a child and if things persisted, he would have to be the one to carry on the line.

“ No, I think I’m too committed to this bachelor lifestyle now. ” he joked, lips pulling to the side in a smirk. He had though Frank crazy to tie himself down so early at one point, but he’d also never been in love. He looked across at his friend. “ Too busy. ”

He quickly shifted his gaze after that, pretending to be interested in the display boards on every wall. When Frank spoke again, his lips quirked into a small, honest smile and he gave a nod, taking the bag from his friend. “ Can’t believe you even remembered that. Thanks man, that’s--real good of you. ”

[rab-stan]

[ evan ]:

DATE: March, 2018 Location: Outside the leaky cauldron Starter: 001  Open to all.

Evan Rosier had never been a firm believer in fate. It had always seemed like the lazy persons way out of doing something which required effort. If something were to get done, you had to do it yourself. Pave your own path, so to speak. It was this thinking that brought him to people watch. To stand in the streets with nothing but a cigarette and to feel the mood of the streets. Lately, the streets had a tension which was almost palpable. Familiar faces passed by, and Evan averted his gaze as they did. He wasn’t here to catch up with people whose names he could not remember. 

Ants. He thought bitterly, watching people move together in an organized flow. That’s all his peers were. Ants moving together without even knowing why. They just did, without caring why.”Fucking ants.” He exclaimed, before realizing he was no longer alone. “These people. They’re all fucking ants.” 

Meetings with potential clients always had him in a fouler mood than usual, especially when he found out it was a waste of his time. The Leaky was a good place to meet, it was large enough and the corners were dark enough to give him the secrecy he needed without drawing attention. Pushing through out into the blistering wind of the street, he clicked his tongue in distaste as the smell of smoke wafted beneath his nose. 

Looking to his side, he found the culprit to be someone he knew. He didn’t want to stop. He hadn’t seen Evan properly since the night of his uncle’s arrest. He had been just about to leave when the other spoke. Rab popped the collar on his coat and slowly skulked over, letting out a sigh. “ Better to be one than standing here doing nothing. ”

[rab-stan]

[ maisie ]:

The hardest part about living with three dogs in a two bedroom flat the the middle of the city was finding a place to get them exercise. Rory and Finn had grown up on the farm, chasing after animals and running across seemingly endless expanses of green and as a result, they tended to get sort of antsy if Maisie left them in her apartment for too long. Alistair was a little bit more comfortable, but that was probably because Maisie brought him everywhere. So finding somewhere to let her dogs run around had been top priority for Maisie when she moved into the city, and finding somewhere that wasn’t particularly crowded and let them run around off leash was little bit more difficult. 

But a couple years ago, she’d managed to find a particularly park. Secluded enough that it was rarely occupied when Maisie arrived and she could normally spend hours watching her pets play while she took photographs or worked on edits on her laptop. Today, though, someone else was sitting on the bench she usually claimed for herself. It was such a rare sight that Finn bounded up to the stranger and started trying to herd them, nipping at their heels playfully and bouncing around them to get their attention. It would’ve been embarrassing, if it hadn’t been so cute. 

Maisie ran after her dogs, the other two trailing behind her, and shouted a command that caused Finn to stop in her tracks. “Sorry about that, she’s not used to people who aren’t…me. Or, my family, I guess. Or…goats and…cows.” 

Since the weather had turned out to be half-decent that day, Rab had decided a park bench would do him better than the office. It was stuffy, crammed full with desks and people shouting over one another down the phone. He liked the quiet buzz of a park, a chance to be around people without actually interacting with anyone. 

His initial reaction to a dog nudging his head against his leg had been surprise and he jumped slightly, features breaking into a bout of embarrassment before easing into an uncertain laugh. “ It’s... fine. ” Rab breathed out, reaching down past the laptop on his knees to scratch the dog behind the ear. He looked up at the woman. “ Just wasn’t expecting it, is all. Do you want to sit? ”

[rab-stan]

[ andromeda ]:

both of andromeda’s hands were full, carrying bags full of supplies from the apothecary, her handbag slung across her shoulder and nymphadora skipping along behind her. she was simply pausing to readjust her grip on the bags when she noticed her daughter continuing on her way through the crowds of diagon alley. “shit.” she muttered quietly to herself. then “nymph!” shouted loudly, “nymphadora! come back here!” quickly, andromeda began elbowing her way through the crowds until she finally caught up with the young girl. relief flooded through her, even as she looked back at the path of chaos the pair had left behind them. “what did i tell you about running off from mummy, dora?” 

Rabastan descended the marble steps of Gringotts, slithering a small velvet bag filled with coins into the inner pocket of his coat. He peered up at the gloomy sky in dismay as he wrapped his coat around him tighter, wondering lightly if there was anything else left for him to do before heading back to the manor. He held a certain contempt for the manor. It wasn’t his home really, it belonged to his brother and Bellatrix, and he just lived there because it seemed the right thing to do at the time. 

He was pulled from thought as he wandered through the crowds of people when he felt a thud against his leg. Looking down at the little girl, his eyes widened in surprise. Looking up, he couldn’t miss the sight of what he assumed to be the girl’s mother and upon realisation, stammered awkwardly. “ Oh--um, hellooooo... ”