:)

... and sometimes I bake.

[melodramas]

you can click on this button once daily to help palestine and support other causes in the middle east for free. it takes literally 5 seconds and could help save lives so please take the time to click and share this link.

[bowlby4]

[caspercryptid]

[heavensickness]

Being a young adult is so strange. You enter a coffee shop. The 20 year old girl waiting behind you cried all night because she just came to a new city for university and she feels so alone. That 27 year old guy over there works a job he is overqualified for, he lives with his parents and wants to move out but doesn't know what to do about it. That one 24 year old dude already has a car, a house, and a job waiting for him once he graduates thanks to his dad's connections. The 26 year old barista couldn't complete his higher education because he has to work and take care of his family. The 28 year old girl sitting next to you has no friends to go out with so she is texting her mother. That couple (both 25 years old) are married and the girl is pregnant. The 29 year old writing something on her laptop has realized that she chose the wrong major so she is trying to start all over. We are not alone in this, but we are actually so alone. Do you feel me

[maswartz]

Don't leave this in the tags.

[memeuplift]

[galaxywarp]

obsessed w this fucking tweet

[sweatermuppet]

headphone cord unplugged by furniture 6,000 dead 23,459 injured

[orcboxer]

this one's a big hit with the victims

[secretgarden]

[charlesoberonn]

[utopians]

Car problems are great bc I can finally get that disgusting $600 that I hated out of my bank account

[replicated]

i'm not really into blondes but this is an objectively absurd connection to make

[not100bees]

In order to be properly non-pedophilic you have to want to fuck somebody old but not with gray or white hair because that's too close to blonde which as we've established is the hair color of children. So ideally somebody old as fuck but bald. And obviously wanting to have sex with a man is misogynistic so it has to be a woman. And it can't be a white woman because that would be racist and it can't be a woman of color because that would be fetishistic, so ideally a woman with some unnatural skin color, oh let's say, purple. But it can't be an alien, because we don't know anything about alien life cycles so it could be an alien child or an alien that looks like a child. So it has to be an animal from Earth, but obviously one of human level intelligence that can communicate is otherwise that would be bestiality. So an old purple female animal that can speak English. I think the only creature you can be hot for is the Ant Queen from A Bug's Life.

[kholdseid]

[victusinveritas]

[naamahdarling]

WTF this is masterful, 10/10.

[marjorierose]

Other people have said this in notes, but the Bulwer-Lytton contest involves writing the most absurd opener you can think of and submitting it to the contest. It's not a judgment like the Razzies or the bad sex in books award or something; it's a game. Diana Murtaugh of Baltimore is to be congratulated for this win.

[petitelappin]

This child who came to my house tonight is literally the funniest human being on the planet. She complimented me on having both lollipops and mini Three Musketeers available because "a lot of houses these days don't give you a fruit flavor option." She was very solemn about this.

[karvina]

[evilqueerwizardassociation]

Misionero Comido Por Tigre, 1907, Noé León

[lassukmiboolelunk]

I just realized what an awesome couples' costume that'd make for Halloween

[nightporter1980]

i would so love to know what was going on in this persons head. i would rather be shot dead than sneak food into a movie theatre. What?

[demonboyhalo]

Ive smuggled an entire milkshake and 10 piece nugget meal into the theatres before. A drink costs 10 dollars and food 20. who the hell worships the movie snack cartel with such reverence they've never questioned its near universal ability to be subverted?

[rabbitsinmyoatmeal]

Me with an entire Popeye's chicken sandwich meal combo in my purse. vs. The movie theater employee who doesn't get paid enough for this shit

[cages-boxes-hunters-foxes]

every conversation on here increasingly feeling like this tweet

[grimeclown]

 “hi welcome to mcdonalds what can i get for you?”

“yeah can i get a deluxe quarter pounder with cheese?”

“absolutely, do you want the meal or just the sandwich?’

“uuuuuh hold on”

*fishes something out of my pocket*

“mikey what do i do?”

“get the fries. youll need the energy in the coming days”

*stuffs it back in my pocket*

“uhh yes please  the meal would be great”

[texcritterspizzajamboree]

serious question: can anyone else see this post? am I hallucinating?

[meme-loving-stuck]

this is like Schrodinger’s fucking meme because half the time the pic is deleted and the other half it’s visible

[kaban-bang]

[memeuplift]

[yuripuppy]

Where are yall writing?