ℜide or die

Jung Yonghwa 26 Years of age, born with gasoline in his blood on June 22nd Street racer Owner of a tuning shop Always living on the edge.

[lridxscent]

It’s good having boys in the house… but not when they’re two brats the keep on hiding your stuffs. Goddamnit where the fuck is my special Ice cream spoon!

[racehwars]

You’ll never find it.

[likeiimaginetobe]

[racehwars]

Tug-o-War || Yonghwa & Chaerin

[lridxscent]

It was so easy to blame everything on her hormones, and somehow, Chaerin thinks that Yonghwa was also thinking the same, blaming the same thing, for her irregular attitudes. She’s annoying and a brat in nature, but even when her baby bump started growing, she has never became this emotional towards him. She has cried in front of him, but not because of this same reason, never because of this reason.

But she cried nonetheless. Like an over flowing dam of water, she cried and let her emotions out through her tears. She sobbed and cling on his shirt and sobbed even more until there’s no more tears left to cry. And when she has finally calmed herself down, when her breathing has slowed down and her sobs has disappeared, she rested her head on Yonghwa’s shoulder and remained like that.

“I don’t want to head to bed” she muttered, after a while, still keeping that same position “I wan’t ice cream. And maybe a movie. Can we have that instead?”

[racehwars]

The suggestion sure caught him by surprise. It hadn’t been anything he would’ve thought of, not right now, at least. “Aigoo..” Chuckling softly, he ran his fingers through his hair, before nodding his head. 

“Yeah, I guess we can arrange that. We should still have some ice cream in the fridge and enough movies to waste days watching them. So.. Come on.” 

Letting go of her, Yonghwa instead took her hand and gently pulled her along into the living room and nudging her towards the couch. “You sit down and get comfortable, I’ll go and grab the ice cream. Try to decide on a movie, alright?”

[racehwars]

Tug-o-War || Yonghwa & Chaerin

[lridxscent]

Yonghwa has a way of getting in her heart. It’s not the same with how he woos his way to other girl’s panties, because those were merely lies. But his words towards her have always been the truth.

They said the truth hurts, and yet, how come she finds peace and sanctuary in his words? How is it possible that the truth which most people wants to escape from is what she’s mostly, greatly attracted with.

Dokidoki.

‘It’s the hormones’ she would tell herself every time her heart would that stupid thing that it does every time she looks at Yonghwa. Every time he would look back at her, and smile. Or touch her cheeks, poke her side. Every time he laughs, he whines, he runs his hands through hair… Every time he says her name. 

Every time he kisses her. On her forehead. Or on her cheeks.

‘It’s just the hormones’ even though it was only Yonghwa who made her feel like that.

“You’re an idiot” she whispered before burying her face back on his chest, snuffling and letting her tears fall freely. He’s an idiot for saying that. What a fucking idiot. This is how you make women fall for you… and this is how you break their hearts as well. Fucking idiot.

[racehwars]

Her words just made him chuckle, and he nodded his head, while his arms slowly wrapped back around her. “I know.” 

Of course he was an idiot. He had traded in his life of adrenaline, fun, freedom and girls for a rather.. domestic one. A domestic life with a girl he loved, but most likely would never be with and a baby that wasn’t his, but which he was ready to adopt. Of course he was an idiot. 

And yet, he’d never regret either of his decisions. 

Resting his head on top of hers, Yonghwa just gently rubbed her back and waited for his friend to calm back down. “Let me know when you’re feeling up for going back to bed.” 

[racehwars]

Tug-o-War || Yonghwa & Chaerin

[lridxscent]

The warmth hand against her skin triggered even more sobs and Chaerin hadn’t realized how her heart sink and longed for such intimate touches that at that moment, she felt like she could just curl on the floor and cry. Maybe it was the hormones, maybe…

She knows that. Or at least, she has made herself believe that she would always be on top of his list. That was what he has shown her since she moved in anyway. But she wanted some assurance too, she wanted to hear the words come out from his mouth, formed by his lips and voiced out by his own, sympathetic voice.

And now that he has done that, she felt like she would explode.

Chaerin has lost all the words to say and all she could do was frown and sob and cry. As if she was only seven. 

“But I… I’ve been a pain in your ass” she sobbed. “I’m annoying. Moody. I’m a handful” she sobbed more. “I demands a lot of things and you…” she paused to wipe her eyes and to look back at him. “You’ve lost weight, you’re stressed”

“Just tell me… if it’s too much. And I would leave. I won’t get mad, or get hurt. I promise.”

[racehwars]

Yonghwa couldn’t recall seeing her cry like this; ever. Chaerin had always been rather.. collected and calm, behaving far beyond her age. Crying was a rarity and most of the time she tried to hide it, rather than openly show her weakness. Even in front of him. But today.. 

He just had to blame it on her hormones. Yeah. 

Sighing quietly, he let go of her cheeks and instead wrapped his arms around to pull her close against him. “You’re right. You have indeed been a pain in my ass. And yes, you’re also very moody and and you’re beyond a handful and you demand so much that I can barely keep up.” 

Loosening his embrace and stepping back just enough to look at her again, he kept on going before she could say something. “But you out of all people should know, that I can very much speak my mind. If something is too much, I will say so. If I can’t handle something anymore, I will take a step back. If I am fed up with something, I’ll turn my back and walk away. But I have done neither of those things, right? I’m still here. I’m still taking care of you. Not for a second I have felt like I’ve had enough of you, or I can’t handle you, or I’m too tired anymore. Yes, sometimes you get on my nerves, but you’re my best friend and now my roommate. It’s bound to happen. But I would never, ever send you away. you’re an even bigger part of my life now and I promised you I’d take care of you and the baby. I stick up to my promises, you know that.” 

Nodding his head, he sighed quietly and gently ruffled her hair, with a little smile on his lips. 

“Racing can wait on me for now, if it has to. You need me more than my car or the streets do.”

[racehwars]

Tug-o-War || Yonghwa & Chaerin

[lridxscent]

Chaerin watches him with trembling chin and clasped hands, tightly curled into fists. Her forehead creased in an angry and stubborn from and her glares hadn’t change, other than the warm spark of feelings slowly growing on them. How could she stay mad at him like this…?

She remained quiet the whole time and even let the older male take her inside without any more protest. but once inside, the girl yanked her hand away and at the same time, wiped her face. She hadn’t noticed when she started crying, but she felt the drops of tears on her cheeks the moment she stepped inside.

“Why aren’t you mad at me?” he voice broke the moment she started talking, and soft, subtle sobs came as lumps on her throat. “I just stopped you from getting back to what you love most. To your true love… why aren’t you mad at me?”

[racehwars]

Turning around whenever she pulled her hand away, Yonghwa sighed quietly. Why exactly she was crying, he didn’t know, or understand. All of this wasn’t that much of a big deal after all. Not for him anyway. 

Her question then threw him off though. “Mad-?” Tilting his head, he just stared at her in silence, before sighing quietly and shaking his head. “Do you hear yourself talking?” Stepping closer, Yonghwa cupped both her cheeks and wiped away her tears, before lifting up her chin and looking her into the eyes. 

“Have I ever given you the feeling, even for a single second, that racing meant more to me than my one and only best friend? I don’t think I have, or? Of course racing is my ‘true love’, as you call it. And there is nothing better in this world to make me feel free, but.. But Chaerin, you’re always going to be above that, you should know that.”

[racehwars]

Tug-o-War || Yonghwa & Chaerin

[lridxscent]

“Ah really? So you, dressing up, getting in your car and was about to drive it out was all because you’re not going?” Her voice has raised now and it was obvious that she is mad, if not, irritated at least.

There are many factors as to why Chaerin is mad this specific night. It’s not just the moodswing, or the building up of irritation at the back of her head. It was the fact that Yonghwa was going to sneak out on her. And it hurt, maybe she’s never going to admit it, not even to herself, but it hurts her a lot.

“Right.” Chaerin said, throwing her hands up in the air only to drop them swinging on her side. “You don’t need to lie to me, you know. I’m not stupid.”

[racehwars]

“I was to, but I’m not anymore.” Shrugging his shoulders, he closed the garage door and locked it, before turning around to face Chaerin. Yes, it hadn’t been quite fair to be so sneaky about going, but getting so upset with him wasn’t fair either. 

It wasn’t like he was trying to be egoistical, it was just that the scene wasn’t exactly very female friendly as it was. Whenever Yonghwa had taken her with him before, she got looked down on and disrespected enough already. No need to have to go through the even worse insults, now that she was pregnant and showing so. He didn’t feel like listening to guys saying he knocked up his ‘trophy girl’, or whatever other derogatory terms they could come up with. It would only end up in fights, sooner or later. The only way she could gain respect, was by racing herself and kicking those guys’ asses. But despite being able to drive, she didn’t even have a drivers licence yet and wouldn’t for at least another year. Nor did she really have the skills yet to handle a car that’s fir for a race without endangering herself.

“Calm down, Chaerin. I wasn’t lying and I know you’re not stupid.” Sighing quietly, he walked up to her and took her hand, before pulling her along back into the house. “I’ll take you again, I promise. But not.. now.”

[racehwars]

Tug-o-War || Yonghwa & Chaerin

[lridxscent]

“No” she said, clenching her jaw as Yonghwa closed the garage door. “You’re here, you’re dressed up. You were definitely going. Without telling me”

Sighing, Chaerin unbuckled her seat belt and stepped out. She slammed the car’s door and walked to the garage’s door to manually open it. “Don’t let me spoil your night” she said as she walked back to Yonghwa’s car, this time, walking to his side.

[racehwars]

Sighing quietly and shaking his head, while pinching the bridge of his nose, he knew this wasn’t going to end well. She was riled up and he would be hearing about it for probably hours. 

Rolling his eyes, he got out of his car as well, before closing the door behind him and walking up to the garage. “You’re not spoiling my night and I’m not going. End of story.”

[racehwars]

Tug-o-War || Yonghwa & Chaerin

[lridxscent]

There was that pause as Yonghwa thinks his options through. And in that short pause, hope builds up inside Chaerin, like flowers blooming, struggling through the thick layers of snow. 

But her flowers of hope died when Yonghwa opened his mouth and spoke the words.

“So you’re going there on your own. And you weren’t even going to tell me?” then the switch of moods turned on. The once soft and gentle voice is now straight and sharpen. The corner of her lips curled down while she press her own lips into a straight line. 

It’s starting again.

[racehwars]

Until she had been pregnant and moved in with him, Yonghwa always had a talent for handling her fairly well. But ever since she had all those moodswings, it was hard for him to determine the right thing to do. If he said or did the wrong thing, she could easily go from 0 to 100 with the snap of a finger. 

Sighing quietly, he pulled the key out of the ignition and closed the garage door again, by hitting the button on the remote again. “No, I’m not.” Shrugging his shoulders, he could feel his heart thinking at the thought of not making it to the races again. But there was not much he could do about it. In a way, it was unfair to Chaerin after all. 

“Let’s get back to bed.”

[racehwars]

Dear Kangdae, uwu

Dear Kangdae, 

I know there are a lot of things you don’t quite understand just yet. But that doesn’t matter, not really. 

All that should matter for you right now is that I love you. You know that, right? I always have and I always will. 

I fell in love with you the day you were born. Maybe even before that. The first time I went to an ultrasound with your umma was probably the day I fell in love with you. But the day you were born and the day I held you for the first time, was the moment I was determined to give it all I have to raise you. 

I hope you know that you mean the world to me, because you do. You have made me a better person, there is no doubt about that. I am who I am today because of you. And I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. I will always be here for you, no matter what it is. I will always love you, no matter what happens, or what stupid things you will do in the future. Please don’t ever forget that you can always turn to me, with everything. 

You know.. I never thought that I would ever have kids. I never thought I would be a good father. But then you came along and showed me different. 

And now the highlight of my days is coming home to you and your mother, to spend time with you, to learn from and with you and then to tuck you in and to read you a bed-time story. Funny how things can change, huh? 

I never would’ve thought that the most fun I can have would be drawing with a seven year old, to build crooked houses out of lego, or to hide kitchen utensils from Chaerin together with you, whenever she isn’t looking and then sitting snickering at the kitchen table, while she thinks she’s going crazy. 

There are so many things you’ve taught me about myself, that it still amazes me up until this day. There is so much different forms and shapes of freedom and I learned that being behind the wheel isn’t the only way I can feel free. And I’m glad you taught me all of that, because otherwise I would’ve missed out on so much.

You truly are my champion, you know. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, Kangdae. And I can’t wait to learn more, to discover more and to watch you grow up into the great man you will be one day. 

I love you.

[racehwars]

Tug-o-War || Yonghwa & Chaerin

[lridxscent]

If there was anything that Chaerin would find the most amusing in the world, it has to be the way that Yonghwa reacts to things. Not just certain things but to things in general. Most times, she would find herself scanning through memories of her, watching Yonghwa. How his eyes would widen if he was taken by surprised and how his amazingly deep voice could step an octave high when he speaks. Just like now.

Chuckling softly, Chaerin reached over and patted Yonghwa’s cheek before smiling cheekily at him “Calm down, I’m right here and unscathed, aren’t I?” she chuckled once more and then dropped her hand on her lap. “I miss going there. I miss the smell of burning tires, I miss the sound of roaring engines, the flashing lights… the speed.” then she looked back at him “I miss sitting here while you get lost in your little world. Oppa, I wan’t to feel those ten seconds again”

“Please?”

[racehwars]

Oh how much he hated when she asked for something like that. resisting her had always been one of his weak points, no doubt. “Yeah, thanks to my fast reaction.” 

Shaking his head, he sighed quietly and turned his head again to stare out of the windshield. The grip around the steering wheel tightened a little bit, while he was actually thinking about it. 

But in the end, Yonghwa shook his head and dropped his arms. “I know you miss it. And I’m sorry. But I don’t.. I don’t want you around all those guys when you’re.. you know.. almost highly pregnant. They’re stupid, who knows what they do. And I sure as hell don’t want to have you in the car when I’m going 150mph and up. I just- It’s just dangerous, Chaerin.. I can’t risk your well-being like that now, can I?”

[racehwars]

Tug-o-War || Yonghwa & Chaerin

[lridxscent]

The day went on as usual. And Chaerin did what she usually do, watch Yonghwa.

He has been a big help to her and through this whole pregnancy thing even though he didn’t have to. Sometimes, she cannot help but think that he was feeling responsible for this, that he was feeling guilty… or that he was simply feeling bad for her and that he has no choice because he’s her friend, and he’s simply a very good friend who wouldn’t think twice about going out of his way just to help another friend.

It wasn’t the first time that the thought came to her. There had been several times when Yonghwa had to calm her down, hug her close and even rest kisses on her head just to make her stop. It wasn’t new, but it wasn’t something that one can get used to, not even her.

And this night was no exception.

It’s Wednesday and Chaerin had knew since the morning what is about to happen at night. And she was only waiting for Yonghwa to say something. But after he had dropped her on her bed and rushed outside, a sick feeling at Chaerin’s gut came boiling up.

She grabbed her leather jacket and put on the only pair of jeans that still fits her before running outside and slipping in on her converse. The rustling of the opening garage door invaded the night. As if announcing that he’s finally flying. After a very long time. And so she stood in the middle of the drive way and waited until the metal door was fully rolled up.

His car glared at her with it’s flaring lights and she glared back, her hands folded on both of her sides. After a moment of glaring at each other, she walked in the garage, pulled open the car’s passenger’s seat and slipped in. “Alright” she said, buckling her seat belt “Let’s go.”

[racehwars]

Yonghwa was about to drive out, but hit the breaks as soon as he had started. It took his eyes a few seconds to properly make out the figure that was standing in front of the car. But when he did, he almost choked on his own air. 

What the hell was Chaerin doing, standing right in front of his garage? She was supposed to be sleeping anyway. 

But her then getting int the car surprised him even more. Turning his head to look, or rather stare, at her, he was unable to say anything for a good few seconds. 

When he did finally find his voice again, it came out about a pitch higher than usual. “What the hell, Chaerin? I could’ve run you over, you know!” Huffing loudly, he shook his head and then turned off the engine. “And what the hell do you mean ‘let’s go’? You’re not going anywhere. You’re supposed to be in bed. You’re seven months pregnant. I’m sure as hell not taking you to the races.”

[racehwars]

Dear Chaerin, (because why not u w u )

Dear Chaerin, 

screw you, because I didn’t even reblog it. 

Dear Chaerin,

I don’t even know where to start. Though to be fair, I don’t think there is a real ‘start’. Stuff just happened and I don’t know how, or when. 

When we were kids, we had some sort of love-hate relationship. Like Tom and Jerry. You loved picking on me and I loved reacting to it. You loved getting me into trouble and I always fell for it, before getting my revenge by getting you into trouble as well. You loved picking fights with other boys, before running behind me and ordering me to beat them up. And I always did, of course. Because no one was allowed to hurt ‘my girl’. 

I wasn’t quite aware of what I was saying back then, but nothing much has changed. Except that now, I want you to be ‘my girl’ in less innocent ways than I meant it back then. 

I don’t know how we did it, but we always somehow stuck together. And by the time you hit the age of 16, my feelings somehow started to change, I just couldn’t quite figure out what it was. 

Unfortunately, I wasn’t the only one realizing that you weren’t exactly a little girl anymore. But by the time I finally realized what exactly my feelings meant, it was too late already. You were dating some other guy. A complete moron at that. And I just couldn’t stand to see it. Every time I had to see him, incredible anger started to boil up and for the first time in god knows how many years, contact seemed to fade away. We didn’t talk for days, those days turned into weeks and eventually even a month, or two. 

And even though it drove me crazy, the thought of seeing you with that guy was too nauseating to change anything about it. So I stayed away. 

Until the day that you appeared on my doorstep - pregnant. I didn’t have to think twice about what to do. I took you in without hesitating. It probably wasn’t as chivalrous as you think it was. It was more selfish than anything else. If I took you in and you stayed with me, I could make sure that guy doesn’t come back. You’d be spending time with me again and maybe, eventually, my chance would come. 

Little did I know that things just wouldn’t pan out that way for several years. I had my hands so full with taking care of you and my shop and then later on with Kangdae. There was no time to worry about my love-life, if you will. I was too worried of being able to provide for the both of you properly, too worried about you two doing well. I had to grow up over night and think and act like a responsible adult; and I did. You were still too young to have to do that. I didn’t want that for you. I always wanted to do everything right, for you and later for Kangdae. I wanted to offer you two the best possible life. And I know I wasn’t perfect, I didn’t always do the best job, but I always gave it everything I had. 

But even so, there was always the thought of you leaving one day in the back of my mind and it always drove me crazy. We’ve been basically spending nearly all of our life together and I just can’t imagine my life without you anymore, nor without Kangdae. You two are my family, my world and everything would crash down around me if you were gone. 

So when you said you wanted to ‘practice’ for that one guy you met, I felt like breaking down and crying right then and there. But hey - all I wanted was for you to be happy. So I gave in and agreed. 

But the truth is.. I don’t ever want to see you with anyone else but me. I don’t even want to think of you with anyone else than me. You belong with me. You always have and you always will. There is a reason we’ve been together for long, have gone through so many things together, have fought all the odds and are still here, together somehow. 

There is nothing in this world that I love as much as I love you. You and Kangdae. I want to tell everyone. I want to scream it from the rooftops. 

‘I, Jung Yonghwa, love Lee Chaerin. I love her with all my heart, with everything I am and ever will be. She is the love of my life; my only love. I can’t imagine ever being without her, I can’t imagine having to endure the rest of my life with anyone else, but her. If it’s not her, it’s never going to be anyone else. She is the one I think about every day, every hour, every minute. I don’t ever want to lose her and I don’t ever want her to find anyone else. I want her to look at me the same way I look at her. She is my life, my love, my home. 

Lee Chaerin, I love you, I always have, and I always will.’

I just hope I’ll ever have the courage to tell you what exactly you have always meant to me. 

[racehwars]

Tug-o-War || Yonghwa & Chaerin

Today was just a usual day, really. At least as far as Yonghwa was concerned. Of course, usually day meant stress. Juggling everything from the garage, to his hobbies and then a pregnant best friend wasn’t exactly easy. Especially the latter. 

Despite Chaerin living together with him for nearly seven months by now, giving him enough time getting used to her and her pregnant self, it still wasn’t easy. She was rather.. demanding. Not that that really bothered him, it was more the mood-swings. One second she pushed him away and the second she pulled him back. He couldn’t even count the times she had thought she was too much of a burden for him and wanted to leave. 

There was no denying that it was exhausting to reassure her over and over again, but at the same time there was nothing in this world he’d rather do. 

But tonight.. Tonight was his night. His night out, his night of freedom.

Chaerin had fallen asleep on the couch earlier, and after carrying her to bed, Yonghwa had taken a shower and gotten ready for ‘race-night’, as he called it. It wasn’t anything real big, or important. But a good amount of racers came together and showed off their cars through races, and of course by popping up the hood as well. 

Yonghwa hadn’t been in the scene for too long yet, but he was popular nonetheless. His skills in the garage surely being one of the reasons. Though he was popular among the girls as well. Always had been, really. But he had stopped bringing them along ever since Chaerin had moved in, either by blowing them off altogether, or by going to their place. 

The girls weren’t his main focus though. It was always the cars, the races and the feelings both of them gave him.  

Rubbing his hands in anticipation, Yonghwa entered his garage and smiled happily at his Nissan sitting there as if it was only waiting on him. “Alright, let’s get you out of your cage.” Unlocking the car, he opened the door and got inside, while pressing the button for the garage door and leaning back into the seat to wait for it to open.

[700-salamandas]

[weltbild-deactivated20180327]

[racehwars]

I love you appa. I know you're going through something difficult right now, I see it in your face whenever we sketch or color on something. You're also always not in the mood for basketball, It's okay appa, I understand. I just want to tell you that I love you, always.

Aish, look at you. My champ is growing up, isn't he? Aigoo.. I'm sorry, champ. I promise things will be alright again soon, okay? And we'll play basketball again. And things will be normal and boring again.