The home of Stay Golden Sunday and Masonry Monday. Also, the occasional game review.
SGS and MM are on a brief hiatus due to chronic writer's block. In the meantime, the author is updating unfinished posts.
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Masonry Monday: The Case of the Perjured Parrot [WIP]
A wealthy investor is murdered while at his fishing getaway, with the only apparent witness being his parrot, who repeats the same name over and over. Taking this to be a repetition of his final words, the sheriff arrests Ellen, the dead man's secret mistress, but Perry Mason has his suspicions about the bird's credibility.
Who's Who
Perry Mason's client: Ellen Monteith, a librarian recently married to a man who, to her shock, already has a wife
The victim: Charles Sabin, a wealthy man who's harsh on everyone except his mistress and his talkative parrot
Suspects:
Stephanie Sabin, the victim's legitimate wife, who's left to clean up following his death
Helen Watkins, the victim's step-daughter, who may or may not have committed a serious crime
Richard Waid, the long-suffering secretary, who shifts loyalties to the missus after the murder
Fred Bascomb, the cabin's owner, who came across the body and the chattering parrot
Casanova, the Sabin family parrot, who apparently witnesses his final moments and repeats his last words over and over
The Setup
Charles Sabin returns home from a trip and completely blows off his wife Stephanie in favor of fawning over his parrot, Casanova (who has been "a very busy bird," according to the man himself). He retrieves an envelope with his wife's name on its from a drawer in his desk. He calls in his secretary, Richard Waid, just to snarl at him for not taking proper care of Casanova. He leaves instructions for Waid to procure some mineral rights, then tells Stephanie and her daughter Helen Watkins that he's decided to drive to his fishing cabin a day early. The ladies aren't packed, and Helen snarls right back at Sabin.
Sabin accuses her of being a thief, and Stephanie refuses to go with him if he's going to attack Helen. Sometime later, a fancy man in a bolo tie drives up to Bascomb Lodge and Cottages in Logan City. He approaches a cabin where a convertible is parked and hears a parrot squawk through the window. Looking through the window, he sees Sabin's body on the ground, with Casanova's cage open and shavings all over the floor. The parrot is walking around the body, repeating, "Helen, give me that gun! Don't shoot!"
In the offices of Perry Mason, Della and Perry are visited by Stephanie Sabin and Helen Watkins. Stephanie tells Perry -- who'd been handling some of Sabin's business affairs -- that a Mr. Bascomb found her husband's body that morning at his fishing cabin. Helen blurts out that she'll be suspected due to Casanova's repeated words. Perry asks when the murder was committed, and Stephanie says they suspect the previous Tuesday. Sabin left for the cabin on Saturday, and Stephanie took Helen to her school, Hollymount, the next day. Stephanie herself stayed in a hotel that same night as she planned to divorce Sabin. Helen didn't stay in school but followed her to the hotel. There's no record of her at the hotel until Wednesday.
Enter Perry Mason, Attorney at Law
Perry and Della drive out to Logan City to meet with Sheriff Barnes, introducing himself as the late Sabin's lawyer on instruction from the widow. The Sheriff introduces Edward Langley, a criminology professor at Logan City's college, who's helping out with the investigation. Perry enters the cabin, where Casanova is chattering away in the cage, repeating the line about Helen. The gun was laying near the body with no fingerprints. The Sheriff and Langley estimate, based on the fish he'd caught and the fact they weren't cleaned, that he was killed Tuesday morning after eating lunch.
They also found a woman's slip and a pair of stockings, which Mrs. Sabin denies belonging to her or to Helen. Perry picks up a book on the side and notes it's from the Logan City Library. There's a knock, and Waid arrives to retrieve Casanova and Sabin's belongings. Langley asks where Waid was on Tuesday -- he was in Denver dealing with the mineral rights. Waid says Sabin called from a payphone as the line was dead, which Langley confirms by picking up the phone. Perry takes his leave and meets Della, who's feeding wildlife outside.
While looking at birds with her, Perry notes a wire on the phone lines -- someone's tapped Sabin's phone. They follow the wire into the foliage, where it leads to a empty, ramshackle cabin. Cut to the Logan City Library, where Ellen Monteith is reading about the murder in the papers. Perry and Della pull up, and Perry greets Ellen, asking her about the book he found in Sabin's cabin. Ellen's obviously distressed, and asks to speak with Perry alone. She confirms she took the book and asks to meet him in the park.
In the park, Ellen tells Perry her story of moving out West and suddenly finding love in the form of "George Walman," a.k.a. Charles Sabin. They met at the library, and Ellen describes him as the kindest person she knew. They married two weeks previously in a quiet ceremony in Las Vegas. Ellen left behind the slip, stockings, and gun, which she owned for protection while closing the library at night. Sabin left on Saturday morning, and she never saw or heard from him again. Della arrives and says Paul is checking on any calls made from Sabin's cabin. Ellen asks if she'll be suspected, and Perry says, "Yes."
The Murder
Prosecutor Sprague brings Ellen Monteith and Fred Bascomb, the gentleman with the bolo tie, into this office and asks Ellen if she's ever seen Bascomb before. She says she never has. After she's escorted out, Bascomb confirms that he saw her driving up to Sabin's cabin on the morning of the murder. Later, Paul enters Perry's office with info: Sabin's will splits the estate between Stephanie and the heretofore-unmentioned brother Arthur Sabin. Also, Helen didn't join her mother at the Windsor Hotel on Sunday. She had run away from school and was waitressing in Logan City when her mother found her on Tuesday. Perry suspected as much.
Perry speaks with Stephanie, who thinks Casanova must have been saying, "Ellen." He asks her about Arthur Sabin, and Stephanie says she's never met him. Later, Perry meets with one Rufus Bolding, who says that Sabin called him about forged checks he'd discovered. Sabin sent Bolding, a handwriting expert, the checks and a handwriting sample. Bolding says Sabin suspected Helen, but she's not the forger, which he informed Sabin of on Monday. Sabin said he'd pass along other samples, but Bolding never received them.
Blanche dates a man who is blind and doesn't understand how she appeals to him. Rose and Dorothy co-coach peewee football.
Picture It...
Rose comes home from her coaching job, complaining to Dorothy and a gassy Sophia about her inept players . . . who happen to 8-year-old boys. Coaching them is bringing out the worst of Rose's competitive nature. She asks Dorothy to be her assistant, but Dorothy initially refuses for that reason. Rose promises to calm down, and Dorothy reluctantly agrees. Blanche swans through, on her way to meet her latest beau, the snobbish and flaky Tom Gallagher. Dorothy and Rose don't approve, but Blanche is just happy for the attention.
JOHN: I'm glad it was red wine and not white.
BLANCHE: Why? White's easier to get out.
JOHN: I know, but I spilled some red meat on this jacket at lunch, and I wouldn't want your dry cleaner to think I was gauche.
Later, Blanche sits at a bar when the bartender, Ernie, tells her that Tom called and canceled their date. The man next to her introduces himself as John Quinn and says he got stood up himself. They strike up a conversation about their dating frustrations. As they go to toast, they knock hands and John is covered in red wine. When John asks for the name of a dry cleaner, Blanche writes down a number on a napkin for him. When he asks to see her again, she reveals it's hers and leaves with a smile. John gets up to leave and Ernie hands him something from behind the bar -- a white cane, which John uses to walk out.
Sophia, Rose, and Dorothy are weighing the young football players, as they are restricted from play if they weigh under 70 lbs. The last to be weighed is Billy Haskell, who tries to fool them by concealing a heavy textbook under his jersey -- apparently at the instruction of Rose. Dorothy tells him he can't play in the game on Saturday, and after the kids leave, she chastises Rose for trying to get Billy to cheat. Rose says Billy is their best player and they can't win without him.
BLANCHE: Girls, quick! I need some advice.
SOPHIA: Wear half as much makeup and twice as much underwear. Take it as a standing recommendation.
Blanche enters, all aflutter as she's preparing for a date with John, gushing about how great he seems. He rings the bell, and she goes to put the final touches on her outfit. Rose opens the door and she and Dorothy immediately realize what's going on when they see the cane. Blanche enters and immediately begins asking John how she looks before she makes the same realization. John gently asks if she didn't realize he was blind at the bar. She tries to regain her composure, failing miserably as they leave for their date.
Rose is going over strategies in excruciating detail with the boys, passive-aggressively roasting Dorothy for keeping Billy from playing the game they lost. After the boys leave, Dorothy and Rose both say they're not feeling well, and think they caught something practicing in the rain. Blanche enters and doesn't seem excited about her date that night with John. The phone rings and Blanche picks up, telling the man on the other end she's free that night. Dorothy correctly guesses it's Tom, and asks why Blanche would cancel her plans with John. Blanche says it's because he's blind and their relationship won't work, to the other Girls' outrage.
DOROTHY: I think I caught something practicing out in the rain.
ROSE: So did I. Gee, I hope none of the boys caught it.
SOPHIA: Don't worry about it. Those boys can't catch anything. I've seen them practice.
The next day, Rose and Dorothy are sick with the flu and trying home remedies to get well enough to coach the big game. They accept that they're not going to be able to make it to the game, as Sophia enters and tells them she's going to take over, leaving with the team. Rose and Dorothy go into the kitchen, where they meet Blanche, who tries to explain that she pushed John away out of her own insecurity over anything but her looks -- but she was miserable when she was with Tom. They urge her to call John up, apologize, and explain herself.
At the football game, Sophia gives the boys some last minute advice and sends them to the field. Billy tries to convince Sophia to let him play, but she says he's still too small -- and also tries to show him that's not a bad thing, but cheating is. She manages to lift his spirits with talk about how he'll always be respected if he plays fair, then hands him a meatball-and-pepper sandwich so he'll make the weight. Billy charges out to wolf down the sandwich and get suited up.
JOHN: You make me laugh, so you've got a terrific smile.
BLANCHE: Yes!
JOHN: You're smart and thoughtful, so you've got beautiful eyes.
BLANCHE: Yes!
JOHN: And you're a music lover so you've probably got a big behind.
BLANCHE: Ye-- No!
JOHN: Just wanted to see if you were paying attention!
Blanche meets up with John at Ernie's -- he can tell she's there by her perfume. She apologizes and tries to explain that she's very insecure in their relationship, not knowing what he likes about her if he can't see her. He reassures her that, as a blind man, he has his own way of perceiving beauty, and his mental image of her is quite flattering, influenced by her multiple other good qualities. They decide to make plans for the following week, as another lady arrives to meet him.
Blanche returns home and tells the Girls she made up with John -- Rose and Dorothy are still sick. Sophia returns home with the boys: They won the big game! After Sophia sends the boys into the kitchen, she confesses her ploy to give Billy the sandwich. It did help him make weight, but it also gave him a cramp, and the others won it without him -- mostly thanks to the "Statue of Mussolini" play she taught them.
ROSE: What's that?
SOPHIA: Everybody piles on the star quarterback on the first play. And then he's out for the rest of the game!
DOROTHY: Ma, Ma, that is a mean, underhanded, despicable thing to do!
SOPHIA: So was World War II. We're talking about Mussolini.
"For god's sake, Rose -- Eisenhower used less chalk planning D-Day!"
Blanche once again has to confront her own insecurities as she dates one of the few men in the world who can't be won over by her physical beauty -- and she doesn't do it in the most elegant way, but it's at least in keeping with her character. Meanwhile, we get to see more of Rose's competitive streak, which is one of her most prominent character flaws, as well as Dorothy's counter to it with her strict adherence to the rules. Sophia eventually is the one to find a happy medium between the two.
BLANCHE: *after preening for John and realizing that he can't see her* Oh my god.
SOPHIA: Want a glass of water to wash down your foot?
First, the A-plot: On the surface of it, I like the concept behind the episode: Blanche's confidence and charisma is based in large part on her sex appeal, and a large component of it is visual. So what happens when that's no longer a factor? Blanche's thinking about her beauty has always been binary: If she's not physically beautiful, she's not appealing as a person. No one's ever been able to successfully disabuse her of that notion, not even the psychiatrist back in Season 2. But John's able to reassure her she has plenty going for her that doesn't involve her looks -- and he definitely still finds her sexy.
Another thing I like about this is that Rue McClanahan subtly (by which I mean the episode itself doesn't call attention to it) shows that Blanche is selling herself short. In her first encounter with John, she does slowly start to use more flirtatious body language the longer they talk, which is lost on him, but that's not all she does. Her voice also pitches up and gets more lilt-y, and she also laughs more. And that final move where she subtly passes him her number and only reveals that's what it is when he asks to see her again? That's smooth as hell. I always enjoy when we get to see Blanche actually show how good she is at flirting and why men chase her in droves.
SOPHIA: Make way for the victors!
ROSE: You won the big game?!
SOPHIA: No Rose, we lost and we all changed our names to Victor.
As for John, he might be one of my favorite of Blanche's beaus -- he's handsome, funny, and smart, not to mention good-humored when he realizes that Blanche hasn't completely grasped his inability to see her. It makes him more likeable than the unseen Tom Gallagher, who's a terrible boyfriend to Blanche and only seems to have his money going for him. Blanche even admits that, while Tom makes her miserable, she went on another date with him because she knows what he likes about her. John's quite forgiving for Blanche ditching him over her own insecurities, gracefully not pointing out that she did the same thing to him that Tom did to her.
One thing that kind of bugs me, though: The depiction of John as a person with blindness seems a touch inconsistent -- or at least, possibly written with the gotcha factor in mind. Why does Ernie have his white stick behind the bar, for example? Why doesn't John have it out when he knocks on the door to Blanche's house -- why is it folded up in his pocket, as if he didn't need it to walk to the door? I suppose it's possible that John is not entirely without sight, but if he were sighted enough to not always need the white stick, why would he not have at least some idea of what Blanche looks like, or at least be able to pick up on her body language?
BLANCHE: I know it's a little quick, but when Blanche Devereaux wants a man, she does not stand on ceremony.
SOPHIA: Or the floor.
Moving on to the B-plot, it's hilarious to see the return of one of Rose's biggest character flaws: Her hypercompetitiveness. In this case, someone very foolishly put her in charge of a children's football team, and it quickly becomes apparent she's not impressed with the boys' performance. That would be one thing -- though I do wonder what these kids' parents think about the football coach being such a hardass. It's when she engages Dorothy -- rules-master, straight-arrow Dorothy -- that the fun really begins.
The episode doesn't exactly come down on who's side is correct here. Dorothy's got a point that the rules exist to protect children like Billy, but I also see where Rose is coming from that playing without Billy at a price of two pounds really diminishes how much the boys are going to get out of it. Rose is definitely wrong to try and get the boys to cheat just so they -- or, let's be real here, she -- can win their game, but the boys don't even seem to want to play without Billy there.
DOROTHY: Ma, you don't know anything about football!
SOPHIA: Please, what's to know? You hit a guy, you grab the pigskin, you run like crazy... it's like shopping in Sicily.
That's why it's satisfying to see Sophia coming in with a happy medium (albeit while making an inappropriate-for-children reference to lovemaking). She gets Billy up to his target weight in a rush so that he can play legally, but also helps the boys realize they can win the game without his help, as wolfing down a sandwich right before a big workout gives poor Billy a cramp. It's not exactly an elegant solution, but the boys win fair and square and are happy with the outcome.
By the way, this is the episode with a reference to my other favorite TV show. When Dorothy notes that "little bodies don't like it when big bodies fall on them," Sophia says, "Which is why Raymond Burr never married." For those of you unaware, Raymond Burr played Perry Mason in the show of the same name, the other focus of this blog. However, Sophia is wrong here: Raymond Burr was married at least once to Isabelle Ward. He was also in a domestic partnership with Robert Benevides for thirty years, though admittedly they might not have "counted" that in the 80s.
Episode rating: 🍰🍰🍰 (three cheesecake slices out of five)
Favorite part of the episode
Sophia's cranky, and Rose is fed up with her young jocks.
Masonry Monday: The Case of the Fancy Figures [WIP]
A business consultancy's comptroller was wrongfully convicted of embezzlement a year ago. His wife approaches Perry Mason when potentially exonerating evidence surfaces, but then he's accused of an even more serious crime: The murder of the man who framed him for the original embezzlement charge.
Who's Who
Perry Mason's client: Martin Ellis, a wrongfully convicted man who's back in the slammer in record time
The victim: Charles Brewster, an embezzler whose crimes aren't quite catching up with him fast enough
Suspects:
Carolyn Ellis, the suspect's wife, who fights to get him released when his innocence is proven beyond doubt
Jonathan Hyett, one of Brewster's partners, who wants to protect his business and daughter
Richard Hyett, the other partner, who's more willing to back off when Brewster tries to threaten them
Valerie Brewster, Brewster's alcoholic wife, whom he suspects of undermining him to her father
Victor Squires, the bonding company who posts Brewster's bail, fully expecting him to try and skip town
The Setup
It's the Hyett Building, in the offices of business management counselors Hyett, Brewster & Hyett. The two Hyetts, father Jonathan and son Richard, lament the crimes of their partner, Charles Brewster. Brewster arrives and the Hyetts confront him with doctored books -- he's been embezzling from them. Hyett Sr is furious that an innocent man, one Martin Ellis, is serving time for Brewster's crime. Brewster has a trump card, though -- he's married to Valerie, Hyett Sr's daughter.
Brewster tells them to get rid of the books and tears them up. Later, Brewster arrives home to his wife, Valerie Hyett Brewster, drinking herself into a stupor. Brewster accuses her of sending photostats of the evidence to her father, which Valerie tries to deny. Meanwhile, at an apartment complex, Carolyn Ellis receives a small package. Inside is a reel of film and a note. She reads the note and immediately takes out her phone book, looking up a particular number.
Cut to Perry Mason's office, where he reads the note: It alleges to contain proof of the innocence of Carolyn's husband, Martin Ellis. Carolyn worked for Hyetts and Brewster for over year herself (she was asked to leave when he was arrested) and explains the partners handle business management accounts for rich Hollywood businesses. The $300,000 in embezzled money came from Brewster's clients -- someone submitted fraudulent bills and Ellis, the firm's comptroller, paid them without knowing they were bad.
Perry asks how he couldn't have known, and Carolyn says each bill had an authorization stamp from Brewster. Before Ellis's trial, the bills disappeared. Paul arrives with developed prints from the microfilm reel. They seem to be photostats of the missing bills. Perry tells Della to call Hamilton Burger. Later, in Burger's office, he tells them the bills will have to be checked for authenticity, but even so he apologizes to Carolyn for the miscarriage of justice. Perry tells Burger to also check on who could have sent the film to Carolyn.
Enter Perry Mason, Attorney at Law
Perry meets up with his new client, Martin Ellis, in prison. Naturally, he's rather bitter about his year-and-a-half in the joint for a crime Brewster committed. Perry cautions him against taking justice into his own hands, adding that Brewster's already been arrested for the crime. Ellis thinks Hyett Sr will get him out within hours, but Perry's certain that Burger can't be pressured with money. Ellis perks up when Carolyn arrives, and the two have a happy reunion as Perry shows himself out.
Cut to Brewster in his holding cell, meeting with Victor Squires, a rep for the Southwest Bonding and Surety Company. Squires says they're only interested in recovering the money, and he knows Brewster has a secret bank account. He closed the account a week before his arrest, when it had $308k that Brewster converted to cash. Brewster says he'll hand over $150k if Squires posts bail immediately, and Squires complies despite the illegality. However, Squires is no fool: He makes plans in case Brewster tries to skip town.
In the apartment, Ellis is furious to read in the paper that Brewster made bail. He downs a drink and then storms out, implying he might pay Brewster a visit, ignoring Carolyn's pleas. Sometime later, in a different apartment, Hyett Sr calls the police, gives his location, and reports a suicide: The body of Charles Brewster lays dead on the ground. He picks a gun off the ground, wipes it off, and puts it in the hand of his son-in-law's body.
The Murder
Tragg questions Hyett Sr, who says he found Brewster dead when he arrived with the gun in his hand. Tragg tells him he can go, then speaks with the doorman, Vico. He hands Vico some photos and asks if he can identify any of the people in them. He also takes a call from the crime lab -- the gun was put in Brewster's hand post-mortem. Vico identifies Martin Ellis, who pushed past him a few moments after 10pm, saying he had an appointment with Brewster. Tragg tells the sergeant to pick Ellis up.
Ellis and Perry meet in jail again, and Ellis confirms that Vico did see him and probably alerted Brewster, who was waiting with a gun in hand. The two of them tussled. After getting the gun, Ellis he says he couldn't bring himself to kill Brewster. He knocked his lights out, felt better, and left. Ellis also confirms that everyone at the firm knew about the apartment, despite it ostensibly being Brewster's hideaway. He doesn't know who sent the microfilm to Carolyn, but Perry points out it may not have been a benevolent act as Ellis is once again framed up and in jail.
Back in the office, Paul tells Della and Perry there's nothing traceable on the box the microfilm was sent in. Della says Perry received a special delivery envelope with no name or return address. Inside is $5000 for Ellis's defense. Paul also fills in the story of Brewster's bail: A dummy for the bonding company put up the money, and Della assumes Brewster promised to pay back what he stole. Perry also notes that Brewster tried to bribe the infuriated Ellis with part of the money. The question is: Where's the money now?
Perry tells Della to make an appointment with Squires, and Paul to get samples from the typewriters at Hyett, Brewster, and Hyett: One of them may have been used to type the anonymous note with the $5000. He also asks Della to call Mrs. Brewster. Hyett Jr answers the phone and says Valerie is too sick to speak on the phone, refusing to give Perry anymore details. After he hangs up, Valerie wanders in and drunkenly opines the mystery of missing her terrible husband. She slyly implies Hyett Jr might also be quite glad Brewster is dead.
The Investigation
Back in Perry's office, Squires tries to lie about Brewster's bail until Perry reminds him he could be an accessory. He tells Perry the whole story about the bail, including keeping Brewster under watch in case he tried to leave town. Squires only hoped he'd lead them to the money, but he didn't need to: Brewster made good on his word when Squires visited his apartment at 7:30pm, handing over $150,000 in $1,000 bills. Squires has no idea where the rest of the money is.
Squires also tells Perry that Brewster stopped at a travel agency that day, buying two tickets for Mexico City under an assumed name. Perry tells Della to call Squires' office -- he suspects there may be some news for him. Squires' secretary informs him that the other $150,000 has arrived at the office in an unmarked envelope. Later, Perry arrives at the Hyett offices with the envelope and presents it to Hyett Sr. He informs Hyett Sr that both Squires' envelope and the anonymous note to his office were typed on typewriters in the Hyett offices.
Perry notes that the doorman knows when Hyett Sr arrived at Brewster's apartment, and he didn't call the police until 15 minutes later. Hyett Sr could have searched the apartment, found the money, and returned it to the bonding company. He also could have placed the gun in Brewster's hand to make it look like suicide, and he could have sent the microfilm to Carolyn -- Perry just isn't sure why. Hyett Sr once again denies everything, so Perry says he'll see him in court. After Perry leaves, Hyett Sr tells his secretary to call the DA's office.
The Trial
Burger questions Tragg about the murder weapon -- only Brewster's prints are on it. Tragg says they know he didn't fire it, though, as there are no powder marks on his hands. Next, Tragg identifies Brewster's belongings: His wallet, two tickets to Mexico City, and a wedding ring in a box in his coat pocket. He was also wearing a CB signet ring on his right hand. Burger enters all of the items into evidence. Tragg says they found blood and skin on the signet ring. When Brewster was arrested, he had several fresh cuts on his face.
On cross, Mason asks about Hyett Sr's report of the murder. Tragg says he denied touching anything, and confirms he was alone with the body for 15 minutes. Tragg didn't search him at the time. Next, Burger calls Hyett Sr to the stand, where he admits that he waited to call the police until after he'd searched the apartment for the missing money. He found it in a suitcase, and put it in his shirt, then later mailed it to Squires.
Burger asks Hyett Sr what else he did, and he admits to wiping the gun and placing it in Brewster's hand. Burger asks why he did this, knowing it was evidence tampering, and Hyett Sr says Brewster had caused enough problems. On cross, Mason asks if Hyett Sr was reimbursed for his embezzled money -- he was, making his absconding with the money a crime. He asks who Hyett Sr could have been protecting, as there were no indications Ellis had been there, and Hyett Sr doesn't answer.
Hyett Sr says that he went to the apartment to talk about Valerie, as he was convinced Brewster would jump bail and might take Valerie with him. When Mason asks why he didn't talk to Valerie, Hyett Sr says Valerie was too in love with her husband. Hyett Sr also admits under pressure that he already knew about Brewster's culpability, but denies under oath mailing the microfilm to Carolyn.
Next, Burger surprises everyone by calling Carolyn to the stand. Mason tries to object, but Burger whips out evidence showing that Carolyn is not actually Ellis's legal wife. She was married to a Mr. Pulasky at the time, and despite being in the process of a divorce, had not technically completed it when they married. She tries to refuse testimony, but the judge says she must. But he gives Mason some time to confer with Ellis and dismisses court for the day.
Ellis is flummoxed, but Mason quickly comes up with an idea: He can "search" the Ellis apartment for the couple's bonds, as they're not community property if the two aren't married. Later, he and Paul enter the apartment and begin searching. Paul finds the bonds, as well as Carolyn's checkbook. She wrote a check to a store in San Francisco on September 12, and another to an airline for the same day. Her next check is to a Los Angeles store. Perry has some ideas about what Carolyn Ellis could have been doing in San Francisco for one day...
In Summation
Editor's Note: I know this Masonry Monday post didn't technically go out on a Monday, but that's due to a scheduling error on my part that I didn't notice until Tuesday evening. Still, being a day late is no reason not to talk about Perry Mason, so here we are.
It's almost a cliche about Perry Mason episodes at this point that the victim in each case is a terrible, awful human being who just needed offing -- most of them are miserable, contemptible people who have no issue with making the lives of the defendant and/or others hell if it means they get what they want. This is so that it's easy for the audience to believe that more than one person wanted them dead -- it's not a mystery without suspects after all.
But this might be the first time -- at least since I've been writing these recaps -- that I've ever heard someone in the case admit that no matter what the victim did to them or how bad a person they were, they didn't deserve to be murdered in cold blood. Props to Martin Ellis, who, upon getting the man who ruined his life (the extent to which even he's not fully aware) dead to rights, he can't bring himself to commit murder despite believing himself to be fully willing when he stormed out of his wife's apartment.
The Girls need a new roof, and a chance encounter with a dying artist might give them the means to obtain one.
Picture It...
Sophia and Dorothy discuss the roof, which has sprung several leaks in the past few days. Rose is testy as her roof kept her awake all night. Blanche is only now willing to do something because a caved-in ceiling interrupted her date. The doorbell rings, and roofer Sid arrives with a nasty cold. He says he doesn't need to get on the roof -- he can already tell it's a goner, and a patch job won't hold. Best bet is a new roof, but it'll cost $10,000 while a patch job is only $200.
ROSE: What are you trying to say, Sid?
SID: You couldn't follow that?
DOROTHY: She has trouble following Murder, She Wrote.
The Girls discuss, and decide to pay for a new roof in installments, but back off when they see Sid is a hardass on payments. As Sid leaves, Sophia is off to her volunteer work at the hospital. Blanche offers to bring Rose and Dorothy to an art show the next night featuring artist Jasper DeKimmel. She shows them one of his paintings and interprets it for them, though neither of them is particularly impressed.
The next night, the Girls are at the art show, where they discuss the paintings and see a mime performing. Sophia wanders around causing problems, as she is wont to do. They are admiring DeKimmel's art when the man himself arrives and greets them. Rose admits she doesn't much understand his work, and he offers to discuss one with them. He proceeds to mock and insult them when they try to follow what he says. Rose spots two workers carrying in a sheet of glass.
ROSE: Oh look, two more mimes pretending to carry in something. I'm gonna have some fun with them!
BLANCHE: Um...
*Rose runs offscreen as Dorothy and Blanche try to stop her; there's a loud crash*
ROSE: . . . they weren't mimes, were they?
Later, the Girls are trying to catch another roof leak with a bucket and towels (including Blanche's prized Cabana Club beach towel). They acknowledge that Sid's patch job isn't helping, as he predicted, so they decide to pool their resources to try and afford a new roof. With some scrimping and saving, they can manage it. Sophia arrives home, having had an equally miserable day at work -- she got stuck with a cranky patient who has two weeks to live. Who is the patient? None other than Jasper DeKimmel, the artist.
Blanche immediately catches on that, if DeKimmel dies soon, his paintings will go up in value significantly. She says there's an auction of DeKimmel's art happening soon, and if they can get one of his art pieces, they can sell it after his death for a profit to both pay for the roof and to keep for themselves. There's initially a token objection on morality, but all four of them quickly forget about it as the auction is coming up fast.
DOROTHY: Ma, what are you doing in here?
SOPHIA: The search lights were out, so I tunneled out of my room with a spoon. I couldn't sleep so I'm having some tea . . . if that's okay with you, Prime Minister Botha?
At 4 a.m. several days later, all four Girls meet up in the kitchen, unable to sleep. They initially feign ignorance of why they're unable to sleep (or perhaps Rose is not feigning), until Blanche broaches the subject of DeKimmel and their potential profit off of his imminent death. Blanche, Rose, and Dorothy are ready to call the whole thing off, but Sophia talks them back into it, adding that DeKimmel is dying because he needs a rare blood transfusion.
The next day, Blanche, Rose, and Dorothy take front-row seats at the auction. The first piece is a Greco-Roman-style statue, and Blanche works herself up looking at it. Rose accidentally places a $25k bid when she fans herself with her paddle. This starts a chain reaction as the Girls proceed to accidentally place higher and higher bids before they're luckily outbid by someone else. Lesson learned, they're prepared as a DeKimmel painting is next up.
AUCTIONEER: This is a small piece, but certainly one which will be worth many times its current value someday.
ROSE: Like tomorrow!
DOROTHY: *pinning Rose with a stare* Keeping a secret just isn't your strong suit, is it Rose?
They begin to battle with another bidder for the painting. Dorothy and Blanche bring it up to $7,500, but then Rose gets too eager and bids $8000 against them. Their argument spills over into the bidding as they keep waving their paddles carelessly and drive the number up to $9000. The auctioneer puts them out of their misery and sells them the painting. They go to call Sophia in triumph, who informs them the hospital found a donor with the rare blood type. She hangs up and the nurse hands her a cookie -- she was the donor.
Cut back to the phone booth, where Dorothy is out cold on the ground with Rose and Blanche trying to revive her. Later, the Girls stare at their painting, dejected but glad they didn't compromise their morals. Sid arrives to start on the new roof, but they tell him the plan is off. He spots the DeKimmel and reveals he's a fan. In fact, he'd happily trade the painting for a new roof. Sophia immediately catches on and begins haggling with Sid to get them a warranty and a profit.
SID: What about a new roof with a five-year warranty?
SOPHIA: And $2,500.
SID: In cash?!
SOPHIA: No, in pistachio nuts! Of course cash. Today. Tomorrow the price goes up. DeKimmel isn't getting any younger.
SID: *following Sophia into the kitchen* $2,500 seems a little steep.
SOPHIA: $3,000. You tick me off.
DOROTHY: Now you're watching a real artist at work.
"Gee, you save a guys life and all you get is apple juice and a cookie?!"
This is one of those episodes where I think, once you remove all of the visual gags and the jokes and funny skits unrelated to the plot, you'd be left with a pretty short episode. If you pay attention, these little extras make up at least 50% of the whole story. That's not a mark against the episode, per se, but it does fluff up the story a bit to get it to an episodic length. This is also the episode where Rose gets to get in an epic zinger at Dorothy -- a rare enough occurrence to be notable all by itself.
DOROTHY: Hi Rose. The ceiling in your room leaking, too?
ROSE: *holding two buckets* No Dorothy, I just finished milking the cow I keep in my closet. Gee, with only three hours' sleep, I can be as bitchy as you.
Just to recap for fun, there are the extra bits in the gallery including Sophia disrupting a mime's show and Rose's aside about her Uncle Gustav the Coal Mimer, Blanche and Dorothy fussing over Blanche's towel, the whole kitchen meetup, Rose's junk food diet, Sophia's failed attempt at a Picture It Story, and the whole incident where they almost buy a $40,000 Roman statue. My personal favorite is the kitchen -- especially Sophia being unable to dredge up a pertinent Sicilian episode.
As I've said before, I love any episode where Blanche displays personality separate from her love for men. In this episode, it's her love of art and expertise on the subject that shines through. I know the episode wants us to see Jasper DeKimmel's work as pretentious and Blanche as possibly reading more into it than is there. But I don't think that's exactly fair to Blanche. Still, it helps set up just how much of a dick DeKimmel is when we properly meet him later.
That brings us to the core conflict of the episode: Whether it's ethical for the Girls to take advantage of their knowledge of DeKimmel's illness to make a profit on his artwork. I have two concerns myself: Whether that's even legal -- it wouldn't be hard to discover the connection between Sophia, DeKimmel, and the Girls -- and whether Sophia may have violated patient confidentiality by letting the Girls in on the secrets about his health. Does a volunteer have to abide by HIPAA? I don't actually know.
DeKimmel being an asshole is supposed to complicate the question, as the Girls are less inclined to feel sympathy when hearing that he's on the brink of death. Personally, I'd be inclined to be a little more forgiving upon hearing someone has weeks to live -- even if he had loudly and brutally humiliated me in public. If nothing else, I'd be comforted in the thought that he would very shortly not be able to do it to anyone else.
ROSE: What are you guys doing up?
DOROTHY: We're conducting a seance to contact Liberace. We couldn't sleep. Why else would we be up at 4 a.m.?
ROSE: I couldn't sleep either, but I think it was something I ate before bed.
SOPHIA: What did you eat?
ROSE: Nothing out of the ordinary. A handful of SnoCaps, a couple of Devil Dogs, some Oreos . . . oh, and a Ho-Ho chopped up in a bowl of fruit cocktail with heavy syrup.
DOROTHY: Couldn't sleep? I'm surprised you didn't try to kill the Mayor of San Francisco.
So it kind of works when they make DeKimmel look terrible, but I'm not so sure the same could be said for Sid. I don't know why the Girls are so mad at Sid -- especially when Sophia calls him the runner-up to DeKimmel as a "miserable, contemptible slug." I mean, all the guy does is insist on being paid on time and tell them that a patch job isn't going to hold when it rains (and he's correct, as we see later in the episode). The fact that he's completely professional and also a lover of fine art makes me wonder why the Girls are really so upset with him.
The auction scene is the one that holds the whole episode together and is a rare chance for Rue McClanahan, Betty White, and Bea Arthur to show off their physical comedy chops as their flailing nets them absolutely no mercy from the auctioneer. Also, I will say, no shade to the artist, but the DeKimmel painting shown at the auction does look pretty awful, like one of those weird mishmash paintings you'd see on the wall at a dentist's office (as you can see, art history is not my field of expertise).
There's one thing about this episode that I find baffling as an adult: The notion that Dorothy, Rose, and Sophia, as renters, would have to help Blanche, their landlady, pay for a new roof. They already pay rent, which should go towards maintaining the house. I understand that a new roof is a big expense that they all might have to contribute towards, but they even have to pitch in for the patch job, and that should be entirely Blanche's responsibility. I know, I know, suspension of disbelief, but I darn it, I pay rent now and I can't get over it!
Still, it's fun to see Sophia come in clutch at the end, taking advantage of Sid's unexpected love of fine art to convince him to give them a new roof. Considering her act of altruism is the reason their (admittedly somewhat half-baked) plan to capitalize on his death doesn't work out, it's great to see that she still has a role to play in the final scene. And her ruthless bargaining with Sid is great fun to watch -- he really wants that painting, and she's going to make sure he pays for it and then some.
Episode rating: 🍰🍰🍰 (three cheesecake slices out of five)
Favorite part of the episode
The auctioneer's shade is the cherry on top of the whole scene.
Masonry Monday: The Case of the Purple Woman [WIP]
A crooked art dealer sells a forged painting called "The Purple Woman" and laughs in the face of both the infuriated buyer and the stiffed forger. But its his wife, who consulted Perry Mason in an attack of conscience after learning of his schemes, who is accused when he turns up murdered.
Who's Who
Perry Mason's client: Evelyn Girard, a wife in an unhappy marriage who can't run off with her paramour due to her religious father
The victim: Milo Girard, a crooked art dealer who sold a forgery and laughed in the face of those who tried to confront him
Suspects:
Rufus Varner, a self-proclaimed art expert and collector who failed to notice the victim sold him a forgery
Aaron Hubble, the drunken, eccentric artist who forged a lost painting for payment the victim never intended to deliver
Wayne Gordon, an art critic who's in love with Evelyn and tried in vain to get her to leave her husband
Doris Andrews, Girard's secretary, who's a little more familiar with him than one would expect an employee to be
Laslo Kovac, an art expert who immediately recognized the forged painting -- at least until he gets a second look
The Setup
Rufus Varner is showing off his large private collection of art to one Laslo Kovac, saying he has the "finest collection of Van Hootens" in America. However, there are a dozen or so Van Hooten paintings that have been lost to time -- most notably "The Purple Woman," which was supposedly destroyed. Varner triumphantly pulls a curtain to reveal "The Purple Woman" herself. He won't tell Kovac what the painting costs, but Kovac says it doesn't matter -- it's a fake.
Varner furiously confronts his art dealer, Milo Girard, for selling him a fake for $86,000. Girard laughs and says Varner can't get his money back without revealing the scam and sacrificing his reputation as a art expert. Girard claims he advised Varner to double-check with an expert, which Varner refused to do. Varner caves and leaves the office, but not before asking who painted the forgery, which Girard refuses to say. Meanwhile, Girard's wife Evelyn is meeting with drunken artist Aaron Hubble.
She doesn't know who he is. Hubble says he's been painting "The Purple Woman" in a building she owns. Girard returns home, and Evelyn leaves the two men to speak. Hubble says that Girard promised him a one-man show if he could forge "The Purple Woman," but Girard reneges on his promise and Hubble has nothing to combat him with. Hubble stumbles out. When Evelyn tries to ask Girard about him, Girard points out that both she and Hubble despise him. Evelyn says she won't be happy as long as Girard lives.
Enter Perry Mason, Attorney at Law
Evelyn meets with Perry Mason, explaining that she has reason to believe her husband is defrauding an art collector. Should it be discovered, she can't afford to go down with him. She tells Perry about "The Purple Woman" and Hubble using her property, which could be evidence of collusion. She can't get a divorce due to her religious family. Perry says he'll get Paul on the case. After Evelyn leaves, Della notes their client seems very disillusioned.
Girard meets with Wayne Gordon, a prominent art critic, who wants to know why he and Varner are no longer working together. Before Girard can answer, Evelyn arrives and Girard introduces her to Gordon, then leaves to attend a visitor. As soon as he leaves, Gordon pleads to see Evelyn, who promises to call him. Gordon leaves as Girard returns -- he's not fooled in the slightest, and produces the love letters Gordon wrote to her. Evelyn says she never answered the letters and has not been unfaithful.
Girard gleefully says he can still use the letters for a scandalous divorce, which would destroy her relationship with her reverend father. Evelyn grabs a pair of scissors and tries to attack Girard, who stops her. She swears she'll kill him as his secretary, Doris, walks in. Evelyn leaves, and Doris shows she's also quite familiar with Girard. Back in Perry's office, he says Paul's discovered that Girard's retained a divorce lawyer on grounds of infidelity. The next morning, Doris arrives and finds Girard slumped over the desk in his office, dead.
The Murder
Perry meets with Evelyn at jail -- the police believe she killed Girard after he filed for divorce. They have eyewitness accounts of their quarrels and her fingerprints are on the murder weapon. He asks where she was at the time of death: Midnight and 2am. Evelyn tries to say she was at home, but her servants say she left at 11:30pm and didn't return home until after 3am. They also found the remains of burnt letters in Girard's office, all addressed to her.
Evelyn finally admits she was in the office to plead for the letters return, but found her husband already dead. She picked up the figurine next to him before she burned the letters. She refuses to tell Perry who the man is, saying he doesn't need to be involved. She insists she didn't kill her husband.
Back in his office, Perry questions Doris, who claims that Girard didn't do business with Aaron Hubble. She gets fired up until Hubble himself walks in and addresses Doris familiarly. She storms out. Hubble criticizes the artwork in Perry's office, and takes a drink from Della. He tells Perry about painting "The Purple Woman" well enough to fool Rufus Varner. He also went to the district attorney, though Hamilton Burger didn't believe in his involvement. He insists he's a great talent and deserves a one-man show.
Perry next meets with Varner, who claims Girard's murder is irrelevant to him and he only bought a few paintings from Girard. Perry says that Varner might have reason to be involved if Girard sold him a forgery, and Varner arrogantly insists it couldn't happen and refuses to go with Perry to speak with the DA. Later, Perry meets with Gordon, who says Varner started collecting on a big scale 15 years previously after making it big with tin mines in South America.
Perry asks Gordon if he'll testify as an expert witness for the defense, and about Van Hooten, who referred to "The Purple Woman" in a letter to his sister. Gordon says Van Hooten gave the painting to the model, who stored it in the cellar of a house that burned down in 1895. Gordon says a rumor about a forged Van Hooten was doing the rounds, but he couldn't find out any more. Perry asks about an expert who could authenticate "The Purple Woman" should it be found, and Gordon nominates Kovac, who's in town but leaving for Paris in a few days.
Paul enters as Gordon leaves, and says he spoke with Kovac. The expert is willing to testify to seeing "The Purple Woman" and proclaiming it to be a forgery. Della mentions Gordon and Paul has another scoop: Gordon's not just a prominent art critic, but the boyfriend that Evelyn is trying so hard to protect. And unfortunately, that's no longer a secret: Paul discovered that detail from the DA's office.
The Trial
Burger questions Doris, who said that, on the night of his murder, Girard asked her to call his wife and say he would be working late at his gallery. Evelyn was the only person Doris told -- Girard didn't want to be disturbed. Doris also testifies about seeing Evelyn attack Girard with a pair of scissors the day before the murder, and the love letters Girard had. On cross, Mason produces a hotel slip showing that Girard "and wife" traveled to San Francisco together and shared a room. Doris confesses she was the one with him, and declares her love for the victim.
Next Burger questions Wayne Gordon about his relationship with Evelyn. Gordon says he loves Evelyn and asked her to divorce her husband and marry him, but she refused. He also claims she wasn't seeing him -- the phone calls Burger shows were her asking for advice about her husband possibly involving her in a fraud. Gordon recommended Perry Mason.
On cross, Mason asks Gordon about the fraud, and Gordon introduces the subject of "The Purple Woman." Burger tries to object that he asked none of this on direct, but Mason counters that Burger introduced the subject of fraud and the judge overrules the objection. Gordon testifies about the story of the potential fraud and Hubble's fraud. Burger sends Tragg off investigating as the judge adjourns for lunch.
Tragg confronts Mason, Della, and Paul as they're having lunch, and says that Mason has inadvertently introduced evidence incriminating his own client by bringing up "The Purple Woman." Back in court, Hubble is on the stand, testifying about his visit with Girard and Evelyn the day before the murder. Hubble keeps rambling about his genius until the judge reprimands him. He then says that he overheard Evelyn telling Girard she'd never been happy while he lived.
On cross, Mason asks about his vitriol for Girard and asks if it extended to Evelyn. Hubble says he assumed Evelyn knew about "The Purple Woman," and Burger once again tries to object to the introduction of the forged painting. Once again, Mason forces the door open. He questions Hubble, who says he painted "The Purple Woman" from a rough color sketch Girard gave him. He also testifies about working on it in a building Evelyn owned, and that Girard sold the painting to Varner.
Burger approaches the bench and says that Mason must be using Hubble's delusions about the painting to discredit his testimony. Mason challenges him to produce the painting and let an expert determine whether or not it's a delusion. The judge says that, since the painting has played such a role thus far, the court should look at it and have an expert appraise its value. Burger begrudgingly agrees.
The Investigation
Cue Kovac giving testimony about seeing "The Purple Woman" and deeming it a fake. Burger asks Kovac to show how he made such a determination at a glance, and Kovac steps down to point out the deficiencies in the painting. However, when he examines it, he goes silent for a moment and then drops the bomb -- the painting may actually be a real Van Hooten. Hubble, of course, erupts with fury at this invalidation of his work, and he's held in contempt.
On cross, Mason asks Kovac why he initially thought the painting was a forgery, and Kovac says he has private details about the painting, including that the model had a cast to her eye. When he saw the painting in Varner's gallery, the purple woman had no such cast. Mason asks if it could have been retouched, and Kovac can't be sure. With Kovac's support, Mason asks that infrared and x-ray tests be conducted to determine the painting's age and authenticity.
That night, Paul gives Perry the scoop: The painting is a real Van Hooten. Perry decides to test a theory, and he and Paul visit Girard's office in his gallery (Evelyn gave them a key). Paul asks what it is they're looking for, and Perry says that Girard must have owned the authentic "The Purple Woman" -- after all, how else could Girard have made a color sketch to give to Hubble? So where could he have hidden it? Paul suggests hiding it behind a decoy so hideous no one would ever buy it -- and there just so happens to be just such an ugly painting in Girard's office . . .
In Summation
One thing that sets Evelyn Girard apart from other clients in both this season and the last is that she has what seems to be a more defined reason to not divorce and leave her abusive dick of a husband. Namely, she comes from a very religious family and it's both against her principles and would bring shame to her family.
By the way, Hubble may be a blowhard with delusions of grandeur, but I think he may be the only person to ever correctly call out how ugly the artwork in Perry Mason's office is. I don't know -- maybe the set designer loved the painting or maybe it had a beauty in real life that didn't translate to the black-and-white small screen. But I'm with him when he says Perry should get rid of it.
Stan announces he's engaged, and Dorothy has feelings about it when Sophia has a health scare.
Picture It...
Blanche comes home in a huff, telling Dorothy and Rose that she was ditched. Sophia, meanwhile, is still looking under the weather, as she's not obeying her doctor's orders to take it easy. The doorbell rings, and they all go into the living room to greet Stan, who tells them his big news: He's engaged to a woman named Katherine. They congratulate him as he gushes about her, and he tells them they're all invited to his wedding in a week's time.
DOROTHY: Ma, you have been walking around sick for over a week. You would feel a lot better if you would just obey the doctor's orders. Now look, either you're gonna follow his orders or I'm gonna call him and tell on you.
SOPHIA: Oh, what is he gonna do, come over and spank me?
BLANCHE: If he does, tell him to come by my room.
When he shows them the ring he's giving her, they're not impressed. He admits he's too cheap to get a decent ring, and Blanche and Rose volunteer to help him pick something out. The next day, Sophia is once again disobeying the doctor's orders by cooking a big meal. Rose and Blanche return home, having found an expensive but beautiful ring for Katherine. Suddenly, Sophia starts coughing, hard. Blanche goes to call the paramedics.
At the hospital, Dorothy paces the waiting room while Rose and Blanche try to soothe her. Stan arrives -- he visited and heard what happened from the neighbors. Dorothy is too scared to mind his presence. Dr. Seymour arrives with bad news: Sophia's virus has advanced to pneumonia, and at her age, that can be incredibly serious. He assures her they'll do everything they can, but they can't see her right now, so he urges them to go home.
ROSE: Would it be stupid to ask for a group hug before we leave?
DOROTHY: Oh of course not, honey!
*they all embrace*
DOROTHY: Hands above the waist, Stanley.
Dorothy says she wants to stay, but tells the other Girls and Stan to go. They have a group hug. Hours later, Stan returns with food and Dorothy says she hasn't had heard anything in hours. Stan corners a resident and bribes him to get an update on Sophia. He tells Dorothy how much he too loves Sophia and tries to reassure her. A doctor arrives and tries to brush them off, saying there's no change, but Stan firmly insists on receiving updates, and the doctor concedes. Dorothy is still too worried to eat, so Stan holds her instead.
Sometime later, they've dozed off, but Dr. Seymour wakes Dorothy up and tells her that Sophia's going to be okay. Dorothy goes to see her, and thanks Stan for staying with her, and gazes at him a moment as he's cleaning up. In Sophia's hospital room, Dorothy accidentally wakes her and Sophia immediately starts sassing her. Blanche and Rose stop by on their way to work, and ask Dorothy how she is. She says that Stan came to stay with her, and drops the bomb: She's still in love with him, and doesn't want him to marry someone else.
DOROTHY: Ma, you scared me to death.
SOPHIA: *waking with a start* You scared me to death! You couldn't put on a little makeup? There could be a single doctor! I'd like to know you're being taken care of. Or at least getting a little on the side.
DOROTHY: Ma, the doctor says you're gonna be just fine.
SOPHIA: Of course I am. I survived war, disease, and two season of Designing Women.
Later, as Dorothy is up late doing laundry, Blanche and Rose sneak into the kitchen. Rose tries to convince Blanche to intervene on Dorothy's plans to confess her love to Stan the next day before his wedding to Katherine. Naturally, Dorothy enters and overhears. Blanche reminds her about all of Stan's offenses against her. Dorothy keeps saying how much Stan has changed, but Blanche reminds her that she was vulnerable and emotional at the time. Rose unintentionally convinces her of the soundness of her plan.
Dorothy says she's going to tell Stan that she loves him before his wedding. The next day, Dorothy visits Stan at the groom's suite, where he's chafing under a girdle. Before she can speak, Blanche and Rose interrupt and attempt to drag her out. Through some slapstick shenanigans, they manage to keep Dorothy from saying anything. Blanche shoves her out of the suite, while Rose gets Stan into the other room by ripping off one of his buttons.
STAN: Will you girls excuse me? My girdle is killing me.
ROSE: He's wearing a girdle?
DOROTHY: And padded shoulders.
BLANCHE: And knowing him, a sock in his crotch.
A few hours later, Dorothy is in the hotel bar, snacking on her fourth bowl of popcorn. A woman in a white dress sits on the stool next to her, a bundle of nerves and wanting to talk to someone (the bartender isn't interested). The bride says she's 20 minutes away from getting married, but confesses that she's having cold feet because her groom has an ex-wife to whom she believes she can't compare -- and her name is Dorothy.
Dorothy quickly begins pumping the unknowing bride for more details. Katherine says this is her first marriage and she's waited her whole life to find a love like she has with Stan. She's afraid of what'll happen if "Dorothy" wants Stan back. Dorothy says she believes that the ex-wife will see how much Katherine and Stan love each other and would let him go graciously. Katherine gets ready to go to her wedding, and Dorothy walks her out, assuring the bride they'll see each other again very soon.
"Rose, stop pulling on my nightie. It's only got one more yank left in it before it falls completely apart, and I'm saving that for Henry Barnsworth."
After three-and-a-half seasons of The Golden Girls, and Herb Edelman's Stan having been part of it from the very beginning, we finally get an episode where he' gets to be's a wholly positive influence on the Girls' lives and isn't just a self-centered yutz. And here's where we learn that the bar for Stan is at home down in Tartarus, because his display of decency is enough to convince Dorothy she's still in love with him.
ROSE: Dorothy, should I get Sophia a glass of water.
DOROTHY: No, Rose, you should sit here and watch her hack herself to death.
ROSE: Are you sure--
DOROTHY: GET THE WATER.
That's not to say he suddenly becomes a gallant hero -- he's still recognizably Stan. When he describes his romantic gestures to Katherine, he confesses he got the idea from "some dame shrink" who said "chicks really eat that stuff up." He also cheaps out on the ring, not even bothering to get a real diamond. But at least he admits to his faults and allows Blanche and Rose to help him out.
But the moment when he puts the dismissive doctor in his place and spends an entire night mere days before his wedding comforting his terrified ex-wife is the first moment we see the hints of what a good man he can be. And despite his somewhat yutz-y attitude towards the courtship, he does seem to genuinely love his new girlfriend (I don't actually think he's still holding a torch for Dorothy -- I think that's just Dorothy's delusion talking). As he puts it, "I have my moments."
STAN: I'm fixing a terrific late-night supper for Katherine.
DOROTHY: Really? In 38 years of marriage, you never once cooked a terrific meal for us.
STAN: … neither did you. *Dorothy nods, seeing she walked right into that one.*
There's a part of me that wonders just how effective his display was -- I've been that person in the hospital waiting room who was given the brush-off and made to wait hours for news of my sick loved ones. However, even today I know there are a lot of doctors who need a strong verbal reminder to show compassion and respect -- and, much as I hate to admit it, there are a lot of them who only do so when that reminder comes from a man. Like I said, I've been there.
Funnily enough, it seems this episode doesn't really have an antagonist. Yes, Dorothy gets a bit too invested in the idea that she's in love with him and wants to rekindle their love, but the writing's pretty clear that's because she was in a vulnerable and emotionally raw position and is mistaking Stan's act of basic kindness -- and her own sense of comfort and safety with him -- for love. This is the first hint that, for all that they don't work as a romantic couple, Stan and Dorothy make good friends.
DOROTHY: You're really crazy about the guy?
KATHERINE: Head over heels in love. I feel like a teenager! He's smart. He's funny. And the best lover I've ever had.
DOROTHY: You haven't slept around much, have you?
That said, the other Girls make it clear they're not just going to let Dorothy spoil Stan's wedding and make a fool out of herself just because she's in her feelings after the night in the hospital. When talking it out with her doesn't work -- in part because Rose picks the worst possible example from her grief center work to use, which ends up proving Dorothy's point -- they physically intercept her. The scene in Stan's suite is some of the best physical comedy on the show.
In the final scene, Dorothy meets Katherine and finally gets her head on straight. It's this scene that I'm not sure works in the context of the episode. I knew we'd meet Katherine at some point, but the whole "incognito ex-wife" scene is kind of . . . dumb, for lack of a better word. Given how certain she is that she's in love with Stan and that he's waiting for the word from her to get back together, I don't think it really makes sense why she wouldn't just tell Katherine who she is and stake her claim without hearing her out.
DOROTHY: Stan came by and stayed with me. Brought me food, held me, showed me that special part of himself.
ROSE: Right there in the waiting room?
Also, this scene culminates in Dorothy saying that, despite her feelings, she's willing to let Stan go graciously. That is precisely where it loses me, because I feel the point is not that Dorothy really had feelings for Stan but that their moment of trauma-bonding is no substitute for Katherine's genuine love for him. Also, I'm getting a little sick of no one calling Dorothy on how her attitude of "I want what I want and screw the woman with the rightful claim" is similar to how Stan himself treated her during their divorce.
They've scaled back Sophia's part in the episode -- she doesn't appear at all after the scene in her hospital room. I'm going to take a guess Estelle needed a break after taking the lead in so many episodes so far this season. In the context of the episode, I can't see Sophia trying to gently dissuade Dorothy -- she'd straight tell her daughter she's an idiot. I think the episode works well enough without her input, though I do miss her and want to hear her deliver a much-needed verbal thrashing to Dorothy.
Episode rating: 🍰🍰🍰 (three cheesecake slices out of five)
Favorite part of the episode
Stan proves that he's got a good heart under that toupee.
[YouTube video taken down; replacement in the works.]
Masonry Monday: The Case of the Jilted Jockey [WIP]
A jockey on the comeback refuses an offer from a gambler to throw a race despite pressure from his wife, who's suspiciously familiar with the gambler. When his horse loses anyway, and the gambler is murdered after the jockey confronts him, Perry Mason must find both the real murderer and the real race-fixer.
Who's Who
Perry Mason's client: Francis "Tic" Barton, a reputable jockey on a comeback who refuses a bribe despite a plenitude of pressure
The victim: Johnny Starr, a gambler and race fixer who's eyeing a big payday and won't hesitate to cherchez la femme to get it
Suspects:
Dion Bannion, the owner of promising colt Bright Magic and Tic's boss, who has a lot riding (no pun intended) on his horse's victory
Gloria Barton, Tic's unfaithful wife, who doesn't seem to realize her gambler paramour cares about money more than her
Bob Allen, Bright Magic's trainer, who defends Tic when everyone believes he threw the race and killed Starr
Eddie Davis, an assistant trainer, who turns up with suspicious facial bruising the day after the murder
Victoria Bannion, the spouse of the racehorse's owner, who suspects he knows more about the loss than he's letting on
Bright Magic, Tic's beloved mount isn't so much a suspect as a living MacGuffin, as his devastating loss sets the murder in motion
The Setup
Johnny Starr times the workout of a strapping young colt. Starr later tells Gloria Barton that the colt, Bright Magic worked a mile in one minute, thirty-six seconds. Her husband, jockey "Tic" Barton, is riding him in the Pacific Derby, and Starr has a plan for how they can get money: Bookies are offering $10k to have Tic throw the race so they can win big betting on the dark horses. Gloria, who's planning to leave Tic anyway, protests he wouldn't throw the race, but Starr says Tic will do anything Gloria asks.
At the track, Tic brings Bright Magic in from his workout. His owners, Dion and Victoria Bannion, are certain of his victory in the Pacific Derby. Tic, who seems to be under suspicion of losing his edge, says he won't disappoint Bannion, but trainer Bob Allen is a bit more circumspect. Allen sends Bright Magic off with stablehand Eddie Davis and compliments Tic's riding. Tic is crowing about his good fortune with Bright Magic and his wife Gloria. Allen once again refrains from joining in the praise.
Tic returns home to Gloria, who immediately starts working on him with pleas about their poverty and how she can't go on like this. She tries to convince him that Bright Magic has no chance to win and they can make more money by losing, but Tic isn't buying it -- he saw Johnny Starr hanging around the track earlier. Panicking, Gloria tells him straight-up that she'll divorce him if she doesn't throw the race.
Enter Perry Mason, Attorney at Law
In the office of Perry Mason, Tic pays him $100 for 10 minutes and some advice, which he may or may not take. He explains that someone's approached his wife about fixing a race, and he suspects Starr. He asks Perry if there's any way he can keep his wife and still win the race, and balks when the lawyer tells him to go to the proper authorities. Perry agrees to help him uncover the truth if he decides not to throw the race.
After Tic leaves, Perry tells Della to get Paul digging on Johnny Starr. Back at the stable the night before the Derby, Tic greets Eddie the stablehand. Eddie tells Tic that Gloria left him a message with a phone number where he could reach her should he want to "tell her anything." Tic threatens to kill anyone who tries to steal Gloria from him and storms out of the stable to a payphone. He calls the number and, sure enough, Johnny Starr picks up. Tic hangs up.
Back in Perry's office, Paul gives them the scoop on Starr. He's your typical womanizing scumbag who does part-time work for a gambling syndicate. Very likely, he's trying to fix the race on their behalf for a hefty fee. As Paul tells Della, Bright Magic was originally a longshot and Starr's bosses bet against him, but the colt has improved dramatically, meaning he could cost them a fortune. Perry, Della, and Paul all produce tickets to the race simultaneously, and Paul's put them at the finish line.
Later in the day, the three sit down at the finish line as the Pacific Derby is about to get underway. The horses approach the gate as Tic softly reassures Bright Magic. Allen tells Bannion that Bright Magic is doing well, but Bannion's worried about Tic. The flag goes up, and then the horses burst out of the gate. Bright Magic starts in fourth place, as Johnny Starr watches coolly from the stands. Into the clubhouse turn, Bright Magic is still in the middle of the pack.
In the backstretch, Bright Magic starts to move up the pack as Tic eggs him on until he's locked in a battle for the lead with pacesetter Tracer in the homestretch. Suddenly, Fly Away and Sunburst pull ahead and Bright Magic can't hold the lead. He finishes in third place, as everyone looks on from the stands. Back at the stable, Bannion furiously accuses both Tic and Allen of throwing the race and fires everyone, despite Tic's protests that Bright Magic was sluggish and wouldn't move when asked. Tic quietly tells Allen he thinks he knows what happened -- or at least who made it happen.
The Murder
Tic arrives at Johnny Starr's apartment building and knocks on his apartment door. When Starr answers, Tic walks in and demands to know how Starr fixed the race. When Starr tries to claim ignorance, Tic pulls a gun on him. He also demands to know about Gloria, but is distracted by a sound from the other room. Starr knocks the gun aside and throws Tic out of the apartment. As Tic is stumbling away, he hears a gunshot from the apartment. He grabs his coat and flees for the stairs as a second gunshot rings out. A neighbor ducks his head out and gets a good look at Tic.
Later, Tragg and his team are inspecting the body. Starr was shot twice: Once in the face, then once in the back as he was on the floor. The neighbor tells them about seeing the man running away after the second gunshot, and says he would recognize the man anywhere: He's seen Tic Barton's picture in the paper many times. At Barton's apartment, Gloria confirms Tic owned a gun. Gloria admits Starr approached her about the bribery, but says she didn't seriously consider it, and claims that she never threatened Tic with a divorce. Perry implies she'd have killed Starr because he was actually married.
Back in Perry's office, Paul says they've issued a warrant for Tic's arrest on the eyewitness account and his gun is the murder weapon. His prints are also on the door panel and knob. The cops suspect that Tic threw the race and Starr reneged on paying him. Perry asks Paul what a race fixer who is unsure of his primary leverage would do. Paul says he'd take out insurance -- pressure someone else to dope the horse while Gloria works on Tic. Paul notes there are rumors about Starr having a connection with assistant trainer Eddie Davis.
The Investigation
Perry and Paul arrive at the track and question Davis, whose face is heavily bruised, though he won't say why. They ask him if Bright Magic could have been doped, but Davis said that he and Allen took shifts watching the horse the night before the race, though admits it would have only taken a second of negligence for someone to dope him. They ask him again about his face wounds, speculating he could have gotten them from Starr after the latter reneged on a doping payoff, but Davis once again refuses to answer.
Out on Bannion's farm, Bright Magic is anxious. Bannion watches, concerned, when Victoria approaches him and says he's got a call. Bannion has been avoiding calls from Perry Mason's office, but this call isn't from them: It's from Eddie Davis. Bannion tries to brush him off, but Davis tells him about Perry's accusation. Davis reveals that Bannion is the one who beat him up to get him to confess who doped Bright Magic -- and it was Johnny Starr. Davis notes that Starr was murdered shortly after this. Bannion agrees to meet him later.
Perry and Paul visit Bob Allen and ask him about Tic. Allen laments the loss of his job and agrees Bright Magic could have been doped. Paul spots a pair of shoes smaller than Allen's next to the sofa. Perry asks where Tic is, and Tragg arrives with perfect timing. Tic steps out and gives himself up to the police. Later, in jail, Tic tells Perry about the noise in the other room that distracted him. He tried to return after being thrown out for his gun, but the door was already locked.
Tic went home, but his wife wasn't there. Perry suspects it might have been her in the other room. He went to Allen's later, and he has no idea who could have tipped off the police he was there. Perry asks why he didn't just call his lawyer, and Tic says he wasn't sure Perry would still want to be his lawyer. Perry smiles and says he doesn't think Tic could throw a race, leave alone kill a man.
The Trial
Burger questions Tragg about the murder weapon. Tragg confirms it's registered to Barton. They found his fingerprints on the coffee table and doorframe. Perry declines to cross-examine. Next, Burger questions the neighbor, Mr. Horty, who confirms his identification of Barton. He also identifies Gloria as a woman he saw with Barton multiple times. On cross, Mason asks how long it was between the shots and Horty poking his head out: He estimates 15 seconds.
Mason asks him, since he was likely listening intently after the first shot, did he hear anything? Horty confirms he heard nothing, and he would have as the walls are thin. He didn't even hear a door opening and closing. Mason asks then, if he didn't hear that, then how did Tic Barton flee the apartment? Horty is stumped. Mason notes that another person in the apartment could have snuck out while Horty was busy calling the police, but Burger objects and Mason withdraws.
Burger next questions Allen, who says Barton denied throwing the race. Since he's a hostile witness, Burger asks him directly if Tic says he knew who fixed the race, and Allen admits that he did. On cross, Mason asks if Allen encouraged him to turn himself in, and Allen says he did. Mason asks if Allen was the one who turned him in, and Allen admits he did, as he felt Tic staying in hiding would make him look bad to the police.
Next, Burger asks Eddie Davis about his conversation with Barton. Davis testifies about the phone call from Gloria and the number being Starr's. He also testifies about Tic's threats about anyone interfering with Gloria. On cross, Mason asks Davis if he knew Starr, and notes a detective saw the two men together at least twice in the two days before the race. He asks Davis if Starr offered a bribe, and Davis confirms he did. But he denies getting into a fight with Starr, saying the gambler paid for the doping -- $5,000, no less.
Burger brings Bannion to the stand to clear up the matter of Davis's injury, and Bannion confesses that he beat up Davis in a fit of pique after Bright Magic lost. The court adjourns before Mason can cross-examine, and that night he laments that this upends his case. However, a casual remark from Della gets his gears turning once more when he spots the inconsistency in the testimony . . .
In Summation
This Perry Mason episode brings our favorite lawyer into one of California's most interesting staple industries: Horse racing. While the 30s and 40s were the most exciting times in the industry, especially in that state, the sport was still one that involved big money and shady dealings in the 1950s. This was the era when we had our first "million dollar horse" in the form of Triple Crown winner Citation. So it makes sense that our favorite lawyer would have a case on the track.
This time, the client is a jockey who's been asked to fix a race -- not exactly a new experience for him, but this is the first time someone's gone through his wife to make it happen. Tic Barton is played by Billy Pearson, who was a jockey (and later an accomplished art dealer); Pearson was also cast as Donald Lam in an unaired pilot for a show adaptation of Erle Stanley Gardner's other major novel series, Cool & Lam. It's good to see him crossing over, as it were, to the Perry Mason show.
I don't claim to be any kind of an expert on horse racing, but I am a former (and dormant) Horse Girl who knows a thing or two about horses. And if this story took place in our reality, the basic assumption that Bright Magic lost because somebody must have interfered with him would be a stretch. Horses who can race well consistently are worth more than diamonds on the track, but realistically even the most brilliant horses can still lose for any number of reasons. I get why Bannion's so upset, but if he's been in the racing world for longer than five minutes, he'd understand that fact well.
This is also before the era in which they were able to test horses for different substances, which would have revealed that the problem was with the horse's body, not Tic's judgement. Even in this time period, however, it wouldn't take more than a few seconds of negligence to dope him. By the way, perhaps this is something I can blame on Perry Mason's limited budget, but I kept track while watching, and Bright Magic is played by at least four different horses during the course of the episode.
Blanche's brother Clayton comes for a visit -- and he's got a secret to share with Blanche. Sophia receives an omen of death.
Picture It...
Sophia looks conspicuously depressed on the sofa, incensed that Dorothy is ignoring her. In the kitchen, she says she had a prophetic dream in which her late husband Sal spoke to her. She dreamt he said, "Sophia, you can come now. There's room for you now." She now believes, based on the clock striking nine and Sal wearing his Saturday-only fedora, that she'll die at 9pm on Saturday. Dorothy says she's being ridiculous. Back in the living room, Dorothy compliments Blanche, who got very dressed up for her visiting brother, Clayton.
The doorbell rings and it's Clayton, who is Blanche in male form. She introduces him to Dorothy and Rose. They've obviously got a very close relationship. Later that night, Dorothy returns home to Sophia sitting in the dark. She's still convinced she's going to die on Saturday and tries giving Dorothy some valuables. Blanche enters with Clayton and reveals she's set him up on a blind date with her colleague Lois. He's not pleased, but goes along with it. Blanche coaches Dorothy on how to break the ice with blind dates.
Rose runs into Clayton in the park -- his date wasn't a success, as Blanche doesn't know his type. Rose takes the challenge to pinpoint his type and they sit down to people-watch together. A few women walk by with no reaction from Clayton. Then an attractive man walks by who gets his attention, and it takes Rose a few minutes to figure it out before Clayton confesses: He's gay.
DOROTHY: Ma! What are you doing up?
SOPHIA: Someone left the lock off my cage.
Rose asks if he's told Blanche, and he hasn't. He keeps chickening out. Rose asserts that Blanche might be upset at first, but she'd get over it. He agrees to tell her tonight while he's still got his nerve. Back at home, Blanche, Dorothy, and Sophia are all still awake, and Clayton almost immediately loses his nerve when he walks in. He tells Blanche he and Lois weren't suited. Rose pushes him to confess, and Clayton chokes and says he and Rose slept together and runs out. Everyone is horrified.
The next morning, Sophia tells Dorothy she wants to be cremated to Dorothy's frustration. Rose enters and tells Dorothy that Blanche is still upset. She whispers what really happened in Dorothy's ear, and Dorothy is shocked. She tries to conceal it from Sophia, but when Clayton enters the kitchen, Sophia asks him a few choice questions. When he leaves again, Sophia says the immortal line:
SOPHIA: The man's as gay as a picnic basket!
DOROTHY: Ma that is . . . that is incredible! How did you know?
SOPHIA: I heard him singing in the shower. He's the only man I ever knew who knows all the words to "Send in the Clowns."
Clayton apologizes to Rose later, saying he's really struggling with telling Blanche the truth. Blanche herself enters and barks at Rose for "seducing" Clayton, and Rose storms out saying Blanche is going to come crawling back with an apology. Clayton, upset, tells Blanche she doesn't understand. He says nothing happened between him and Rose. He finally comes out to her, and Blanche initially doesn't think he's being serious. When he keeps telling her it's true, Blanche is stunned and Clayton leaves to give her space.
Sometime later, Blanche follows Clayton to the restaurant where he's sitting and they reminisce about their teenage years. She tells him she's having a hard time reconciling what she's always known about him with the revelation that he's gay. He tells her he's the same person he's always been, and that he's spent a long time lying to himself. He's happy that he can be honest with her, and Blanche, touched, tells him this doesn't have to change their relationship at all. She also mistakes the restaurant for a gay bar.
BLANCHE: You remember the night me and my date parked right next to you and your date? Pretty soon it got to be a contest of who could fog up whose car the fastest. I think you won!
CLAYTON: You weren't doing too badly considering you were in a convertible.
Later, Blanche comes back and invites Dorothy out to dinner for Clayton's last night. As it's nearly 9 pm, Sophia goes to the door and Dorothy one more time tries to convince her she's mistaken . . . until the doorbell actually rings. Rose peeps out and sees a fedora. Sophia opens the door and sees her friend Mildred in a fedora -- her lucky bowling hat. Mildred says she yelled through Sophia's window that "you can come now" and "we have room now." Sophia turns and tells Dorothy that she's going bowling.
As they prepare to go to dinner, Rose goes back into the kitchen, and Blanche follows her. She hesitantly tries to apologize and Rose accepts before she has the chance. Blanche dramatically says she had a whole speech planned, and Rose apologizes for ruining it, and they forgive each other and hug it out.
"Sweet Jesus, I've just done the impossible! I converted one!"
First of all, Happy Pride Month everyone! I hope you're all celebrating happily with people who love you! And I'm very glad I waited until we crested June before I published this entry because this episode of The Golden Girls is one of the most notable for its depiction of Clayton, an unapologetic gay man, and his relationship with Blanche. Even as someone who wasn't alive in 1988, when the episode was made, I know enough of the cultural context from growing up in the 90s and 00s to understand what it means and how important it is.
BLANCHE: Rose, honey. There's something I have to say to you. It's just two little words, but they are the hardest two little words in all the whole world for me to say.
ROSE: "Not tonight?"
Clayton Hollingsworth is not the first gay character to appear on The Golden Girls -- he's beaten in that regard by Coco from "The Pilot" and Jean from "Isn't It Romantic?" However, he's the first gay character to be related to one of the Girls, which makes his sexuality more immediately relevant to them than Coco's or Jean's (at least until the latter confessed her feelings for Rose). Whereas those two characters were also very open about their sexuality, Clayton starts the episode closeted, at least to the Girls.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: As a white, cisgender, heterosexual woman, I'm not in any position to say what makes an episode like this important or representative of the time period. So I once again leave it to Matt Baume to talk about the importance of this episode (and its future sequel, "Sister of the Bride") for Culture Cruise. Baume's got one of the best video resources I could find on YouTube, covering the cultural context at the time and what it means for a popular TV show to portray a gay man and what it's like to come out:
If I could point to one thing I love about this episode in particular, it's that Blanche's difficulty accepting the revelation is shown to be 100% her problem. She's the "antagonist" of the episode, in that her lack of acceptance causes the issue, but she readily admits, once she's had time to think about it, that she's the one who has to come to terms with it and accept the new normal. She's adamant that this won't affect her close friendship with her brother. She even tries to set him up on a date -- with his preferred gender this time -- though she only succeeds in slightly embarrassing herself.
While Blanche's reaction to the news is the most important for the episode, the other Girls' reactions are also worth mentioning. It's no surprise to me that Rose is the first person to whom Clayton comes out, as she's very accepting and sweet about the situation once she understands it. Dorothy isn't at all perturbed by the news, absorbing it without comment. Sophia isn't bothered, either, simply adding it to her list of things to tease Clayton over -- before her biggest piece of ammo was his Southern-ness.
ROSE: Isn't it nice to see a brother and sister who are such good friends?
DOROTHY: It certainly is. I always wished I could have been closer to my brother Phil. You know, go places together, share experiences. Although I did love borrowing his clothes.
ROSE: Did you like wearing boys' clothes growing up?
DOROTHY: No, but fortunately, neither did my brother Phil.
Monte Markham, who played Clayton, said in Golden Girls Forever that he wasn't the least bit bothered by playing a gay man, saying he would have been in the wrong business if that had been a hang-up for him. He's fantastically cast, not only because he doesn't fit existing stereotypes about gay men, but he also looks like he could be Rue McClanahan's brother. I completely believe Clayton when he says he's as irresistible to men as Blanche is.
The tiff between Rose and Blanche is the one sour note of the episode, though I understand the purpose it serves. Poor Clayton throws Rose under the bus in a panic when he can't come out to Blanche. It gives Blanche someone to have conflict with who isn't Clayton -- I would hate to see her be as much of a bitch to him as she is to Rose. Any Girl-vs-Girl conflict is hard to watch, but at least I think this time it was added for a good reason.
ROSE: Clayton, you're selling your sister short. At times, Blanche can be very understanding and compassionate and forgiving.
BLANCHE: *storming in* Get away from my baby brother, you cradle-snatching, empty-headed, two-faced dummy!
ROSE: . . . and then at other times she can be a real bitch.
The B-plot of the episode doesn't really merit too much discussion. Sophia has a funny dream that she thinks is her husband summoning her to the afterlife, which turns out to have been her fedora-wearing buddy Mildred inviting her out to go bowling. It mostly just exists to add some laughs to an otherwise serious episode and the thoroughly unserious conclusion helps relieve any remaining tension from Blanche and Clayton's conversation.
Funnily enough, I remember this being one of the first times I ever discussed the concept of "gay" with my mother. I was very small at the time (and we didn't watch the episodes in chronological order, so I saw this episode before "Isn't It Romantic?"), and this episode was a great jumping-off point for her to explain different sexualities and gender identities (or at least so it was understood in the 90s) to me in a compassionate way.
Episode rating: 🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰 (five cheesecake slices out of five)
Favorite part of the episode
Rose and Blanche both come to terms with Clayton's coming out in . . . different ways.
Stay Golden Sunday: Brother, Can You Spare That Jacket?
The Girls find a winning lottery ticket, only to lose it in a donated jacket. Their quest to find it leads them to a homeless shelter.
Picture It . . .
Dorothy catches Sophia reading a letter addressed to Rose (from a friend Sophia thinks is a lesbian). Rose arrives with their weekly lottery scratch-off tickets. Blanche follows shortly after with shopping bags, saying she was in the mood for leather, but Sophia cuts her off so they can scratch their tickets. Dorothy says she got three palm trees -- which means her ticket is worth $10,000. The Girls immediately begin celebrating.
SOPHIA: Where's everybody going?
DOROTHY: Out to dinner. Go get ready, Ma.
SOPHIA: I am ready! I'm always ready! You do that at 82. That, and carry hard candy.
As Sophia leaves to go order herself some swag, Blanche excitedly shows off her new purchase: A distressed aviator jacket. She sticks the winning ticket in the jacket pocket for safekeeping, and the three Girls decide to go for dinner. Blanche leaves the jacket on the couch as they go to freshen up. Sophia returns and answers a knock at the door: It's a man from the thrift shop there to pick up donations. Sophia, spotting the rather shabby jacket, tosses it onto the pile.
Later, the Girls are panicked, looking for the jacket. Sophia finally spills that she donated the jacket, which is when they inform her that they put the lottery ticket in the pocket. They make it to the thrift shop, where the proprietor informs him he just put the jacket out. That's when a bodyguard picks up the jacket and says "Michael" has decided to buy it. Blanche tries to get the jacket back, but the bodyguard isn't having it. He tosses the jacket out the door to "Michael," who catches with a glittery-gloved hand.
The next day, the Girls mope at home -- they tried calling the lottery commission, but they can't claim the $10k without the ticket. Rose then spots an item in the paper: There's a celebrity auction to benefit the homeless, with one of the objects being a leather jacket worn by "a major rock star." They immediately book it to the event. They make it just in time as the jacket is brought out. They open their mouths, but a nearby man bids $10,000 immediately, and they can't beat it.
They're prepared to bamboozle the buyer to just get the ticket out of the jacket pocket, when he announces he's a congressman who's been accused of not caring about the homeless. And, in addition to the cash donation, he's dispatched an aide to give the jacket to a homeless shelter as a symbolic gesture. Later that night, the Girls manage to find the shelter and a priest greets them. He offers to let them stay the night, and they agree to look for the jacket once inside.
ROSE: Are you sure we're in the right place?
DOROTHY: Mission Street Shelter for the Indigent and Homeless. This is where they said they sent the jacket.
BLANCHE: Kinda drab, isn't it?
DOROTHY: Blanche, it's a shelter, not the flagship of the Hilton chain.
SOPHIA: Kinda reminds me of the Shady Pines Retirement Home, except here the lights in the exit sign work.
They enter with their pillows and find beds to hunker down until everyone is asleep. Rose gets into a conversation with her neighbor, Ben, a hotelier who's also from Minnesota. Blanche's neighbor, on the other hand, is a young man who offers to help her through her first night. Sophia and Dorothy, who are sharing a bed, spot a woman named Ida Perkins -- Sophia is shocked and wonders what her old friend is doing in a homeless shelter. Rose and Ben continue to chit-chat about their past in Minnesota.
The young man, Kenny, tells Blanche about the procedure for breakfast, and notes she seems out of place in the shelter. He says he's there undercover working on his doctorate in sociology. Blanche is ecstatic, as Kenny reminds her of her son -- until he confesses it's a lie, and he's an alcoholic. At Ida's bed, she and Sophia share memories with Dorothy. Ida left Shady Pines a year previously. Dorothy asks why she left, and Ida says she simply didn't have enough money.
KENNY: This is your first time?
BLANCHE: Oh lord, it's been ages since I heard that from a man. Yes, it is my first time.
KENNY: I can give you a few pointers if you like.
BLANCHE: Now that I've never heard from a man.
Ben tells Rose that he was laid off and couldn't find work in Minnesota. He eventually hitchhiked to Miami, and he offers to listen to Rose's story at breakfast, bidding her goodnight. Kenny tells Blanche he cracked under pressure from his family and warns her to keep herself safe. Ida says she was evicted from Shady Pines with little assistance despite her pleas for it, and she has no living family.
Blanche, Rose, and Dorothy meet up after everyone else is asleep and agree to separate and look for the jacket among the beds. They very quietly sneak between the beds as Judy Collins' cover of "Brother, Can You Spare A Dime?" plays in the background. Sophia stays with Ida, and tells her there is genuine love and compassion out there. The other Girls meet again, with Blanche quietly holding out the ticket. The priest returns to open the shelter for the day. All four Girls exchange looks, and Sophia hands the priest the ticket, thanking him for everything.
"Persuasion, hell. This isn't for dinner at the Rainbow Room. This is for ten big ones! Give him whatever he wants!"
As far as Very Special Episodes go, this might be simultaneously one of Golden Girls most and least subtle episodes ever, in that it's not an obvious VSE until the final scene, but man does it make the most of that final scene. Most of the episode is devoted to the Girls attempting to get back their winning lottery ticket, only to be confronted with the reality of their already-existing good fortune at the homeless shelter in third act. It's not a particularly well-plotted episode, but it's hard to deny the hammer-blunt impact of hearing and seeing the people in the homeless shelter and their variety of stories.
ROSE: I have a really dumb question.
SOPHIA: And I have a box of Chiclets. What's your point?
The first part of the episode shows the Girls winning the $10k jackpot on their scratch-offs -- not a life-changing amount of money, maybe, but still a very good amount for four older women to spend on luxury purchases. They all immediately begin fantasizing about what they're going to spend it on, only for Sophia to accidentally give the ticket away after Blanche puts it in her jacket pocket. I know Sophia's technically in the wrong for giving away Blanche's property, but frankly I think the other Girls bear a lot of the blame. If I had a winning lottery ticket, I would not let it out of my sight, much less leave it in the pocket of a jacket on the sofa.
The Girls proceed to go on the mother of all quests to find the jacket, going from a charity clothes store to a ritzy auction to a homeless shelter. Throughout the whole episode, they're laser-focused on their goal of getting their object of good fortune back, ignoring every sign around them pushing them in the direction of charity. From a major pop star wearing a thrifted jacket during a concert to later auction off to charity, to a congressman donating everything including the jacket to a shelter, to the priest who finds them beds to stay in at a late hour.
Then they lay down and come face-to-face with the . . . well, faces of the homeless around them, and they can no longer ignore the plight of the less fortunate as they have been the whole episode. At least, that's the point of the episode. I'm not going to pretend it's perfectly plotted -- after all, these are still the Golden Girls, and you're going to root for them to win even if they're being a little bit greedy. But as build-up to that all-important musical number, I think it's well-done. (Also, one hopes the priest would actually be able to redeem the lottery ticket, but wouldn't that constitute gambling?)
And to be honest, I'm more inclined than I've ever been to be lenient with this episode. According to the National Alliance to End Homelessness, the number of people who are homeless or don't have stable housing has increased dramatically in recent years, particularly during the pandemic years. Social issues rise and fall in importance, but at this moment in time, "Brother Can You Spare That Jacket" is perhaps even more relevant now than it was when it aired.
CONGRESSMAN: Would you mind if I said a few words to the audience?
SOPHIA: For ten grand, they should let him shower with the audience.
This is especially true because the people that the Girls meet in the shelter are personable (in the case of Ben), well-educated (in the case of Kevin), and elderly (in the case of Ida); I can't say for sure if these portrayals punctured stereotypes that people in the early 90s would have had about the homeless -- but it probably says something they defy stereotypes that exist now. It's a rather chilling portrayal of different social groups for whom there is no safety net, and the show delivers it in a way that's palatable for sitcom audiences.
Still, that's not to say the episode is perfect. For starters, the episode portrays all of the Girls as rather avaricious, but later episodes will show that they -- or at least Rose -- are closer to poverty than wealth. This is something that's only disingenuous in hindsight, but perhaps her having an extra $2,500 in her bank account, even if her new friend Ben doesn't, wouldn't be the end of the world. They also tackle age discrimination in the job market, the effects of which Ben represents, more comprehensively in the next season.
BLANCHE: Here, I'll tell you what our plan is. Now, there's $10,000 at stake. To find that jacket and get that ticket, we will lie, cheat, threaten, and steal if we have to.
PRIEST: *enters* Oh, hello!
BLANCHE: . . . anybody got a backup plan?
Also, the contrast between the wacky hijinks of the first half of the episode and the seriousness of the second half of the episodes doesn't always work. The toothy Congressman comes across as incredibly insincere, but I don't think he's supposed to? Also, I'm not sure why the episode invokes the image of Michael Jackson and his sparkly glove so blatantly when it's apparently not allowed to use his full name?
By the way, in case anyone is wondering, no, that wasn't actually Michael Jackson. But I still love how they work around referring to him. The bodyguard calls him "Michael," the auctioneer calls him "one of the world's leading musical talents," and Sophia says he's "that guy from the Pepsi commercial." Rose wasn't too far off when she made her mistake, also -- Michael J. Fox was in a few Diet Pepsi commercials in the 80s.
Episode rating: 🍰🍰🍰🍰 (four cheesecake slices out of five)
Favorite part of the episode
An important message sometimes doesn't need to be subtle.
Masonry Monday: The Case of the Married Moonlighter
A teacher/part-time waiter is hurting for cash, with a sick daughter and a wife threatening divorce. One night, he offers to drive a drunk man flashing a wad of cash home. When the drunkard is found dead the next morning with the money missing, the teacher is charged, but Perry Mason thinks there's a deeper motive.
Who's Who
Perry Mason's client: Danny Harrison, a good-intentioned-but-cash-poor teacher desperate to make ends meet
The victim: Frank Curran, a friend of Danny's who causes a fuss at the diner while carrying a large bundle of cash
Suspects:
Eileen Harrison, Danny's wife, who wants to divorce her financially-stupid husband to seek a better life for her daughter
Luke Hickey, the owner of the diner where Danny works, who's also struggling with money but wants to help his friend
Linda Kennedy, a dress shop owner and the victim's ex-girlfriend, who was desperate to see him the night of the murder
Phil McCabe, Linda's business partner, who attempted to dissuade her from contacting the victim
George Palmer, the victim's neighbor, who knew him better than he initially lets on
The Setup
Two repo men are taking a washing machine from a small, run-down home, despite the pleas of housewife Eileen Harrison. Her husband, Danny Harrison, returns home. He checks on their daughter Carol, who's wearing a leg brace. She'll soon need a new one worth $85, and Danny says he'll get the money somehow. Eileen tries to convince him to go to her father for help, but Danny refuses on principle. He also won't quit his teaching job or night job despite the low pay. Eileen drops the bomb: She wants a divorce. After she returns to Carol, Danny takes a gun and leaves.
Later, in the office of Perry Mason, Eileen -- Perry's childhood friend -- tells him that she and Danny have had financial difficulties since Carol's birth. He offers his help, and she asks him to help her get a divorce. She loves Danny, but they're desperate for money. He could get a lucrative engineering job easily, but stays as a teacher, which he considers a noble profession, while moonlighting as a waiter. Perry tries to dissuade her and offers to talk to Danny, but Eileen refuses, saying there's been enough talking, and leaves. Perry asks Della to find Danny's night job.
That night, at a small diner, Danny works a slow shift with owner Luke Hickey. The place is dead thanks to a competing restaurant, and Luke says he'll probably have to let Danny go, and that Danny could do better with his education. A drunk man stumbles in, sits at a table, and orders chili and coffee. The man recognizes Danny and jeers at him for working such a lowly job. He knocks the chili to the ground and passes out when Luke confronts him. Danny offers to drive the man home in lieu of calling the cops, saying it's on his way.
Luke insists on getting payment for the food and coffee and rifles through the man's pockets. He pulls out a very large wad of cash, easily worth hundreds, and takes $1 for himself while stuffing the rest back in the stranger's coat. Danny escorts the man out. Later, they pull up to the Mandrake Arms apartments, where Danny unloads the man -- whom he calls Frank -- to take him up to his apartment. Two people watch from a car: The man, Phil, tells the woman, Linda, that they can't talk to Frank while he's drunk.
Danny drags Frank to the door of his apartment, with Frank loudly protesting as Danny attempts to dig in his pants pocket for his key. A neighbor pokes his head out and complains about the noise, spotting Danny with some of Frank's cash in his hand. He tells Danny that Frank keeps his key over the door. Danny finds the key to apartment 503, unlocks it, and puts the key back over the door. He hauls Frank in, then sometime later leaves in his own car. The next morning, the landlady opens 503 to find Frank dead with a head wound.
The Murder
Danny is having breakfast with Carol and a frosty Eileen. The bell rings, and Eileen admits Lt. Tragg, who questions Danny. He knows Danny is a schoolteacher who moonlights at Luke's Place. He asks if Danny owns a gun and Danny says no -- but Tragg notes he pawned one the previous day. Danny asks him to get to the point. Tragg informs him that Frank Curran was murdered the night before, and that Danny was the last one to see him alive. Tragg asks him to come in for more questioning, and Danny tells Eileen to call the school.
At the jail, Perry meets Danny, who gushes about Carol before they get down to brass tacks. They talk about the night of the murder: Perry says Frank was carrying $2,000 in cash, and gently asks if that's why Danny volunteered to drive him home. Danny says no, and that he didn't take the money, but Frank was so drunk that Danny wouldn't have had to kill him to get it. He tells Perry there was a couple in a convertible watching him carry Frank into the building. He recalls hunting for Frank's keys and the neighbor telling him about the one over the door.
Perry asks him what happened inside the apartment. Danny says Frank fell on the sofa, so Danny took off his shoes and left him there. When the police found Frank's body, he was wearing pajamas, but Danny can't explain that. Perry asks for any last details, and Danny notes that Frank stumbled and knocked over an end table, scattering books, magazines, and a pair of bronze bookends. Danny picked everything up, including the bookends. Unfortunately, one of them is the murder weapon, and Danny's fingerprints are on it.
Enter Perry Mason, Attorney at Law
Later, in Perry's office, Paul gives the run-down on the victim. He's a friendless bachelor who got a cushy job through nepotism and spends his money on entertainment. He won the cash he was carrying from his regular poker game at the Mayberry Hotel. Perry tells him to focus on the losers in the last game, and any girlfriends that Frank Curran had. He's going to check out Luke Hickey's place.
Tragg is already at Luke's Place, where Luke staunchly defends Danny. He lies that it was his (Luke's) idea to drive Curran home, but Tragg notes it's odd they didn't use Curran's own car, which was parked behind Luke's Place all night. Perry enters and Tragg departs with a flip remark. Perry chides Luke for lying and also probes him about his money problems. Luke says he didn't kill Curran, but he's not happy about possibly being forced to testify against Danny.
The next morning, Perry tells Della he's afraid Luke will flee rather than testify. Paul calls with an update on Curran's ex-girlfriend: Linda Kennedy, a dress shop owner. Perry and Paul go to speak with her together. In the shop, the two men pretend to be looking for a dress for Della before asking Linda about her relationship with Curran. She denies being in love with him, though she called the Mayberry Hotel seven times. She claims she was with her business partner, Phil McCabe, the night of the murder and didn't go out again.
Back at the office, Della admits George Palmer, the neighbor who saw Danny with Curran the night of the murder. Perry asks him what he was doing awake and dressed at 2 am. Palmer says he was watching TV to relax. Perry asks him why he was so wound up he needed to relax, but Palmer gets hostile and leaves. Paul and Della enter with news: Luke is in hiding at a motel. Paul also tracked down the losers in the poker game: One of them was George Palmer. He lost $1,400, and he gave Curran an IOU.
It's not his first IOU, and Curran kept them all in a small memo book. Neither book nor IOU was found at the apartment, and Perry says they have to find out what happened to them. Danny's alleged motive is robbery, but he had no reason to take a memo book or IOUs. Paul points out they've likely been destroyed, but Perry says there's an easy way to find out: Make it so the district attorney has to produce them as evidence in his own case.
The Trial
Burger questions Lt. Tragg about the murder weapon: The bookend has the victim's hair and blood, as well as Danny Harrison's fingerprints. On cross, Mason asks Tragg if he found Danny's prints elsewhere -- they were all over the apartment. Mason points out that this only proves Danny was there, which he admitted to. Burger next tries to call Luke Hickey, who has been subpoenaed, but he's not in the courtroom, so the judge will have him brought in.
Next, Burger calls Linda Kennedy to the stand. She testifies that she saw Danny helping Curran out of the car at 2 am from her own car. On cross, Mason probes her about waiting in the car for Curran, and gets her to admit that Phil McCabe were both there. He asks what she wanted to speak with Curran about, and Burger's objection is overruled. Linda says Curran had been avoiding her -- she'd asked him to marry her, and he ghosted her. McCabe was there to keep her safe -- but Mason says there was more to it than that. He introduces her marriage license with Phil McCabe they obtained two days prior.
After the trial adjourns, Luke is surprised in his hotel room by Tragg and taken in. The next day, Burger questions George Palmer, who testifies about Curran winning big in the poker game. He went home afterwards and saw Danny with Curran before going to bed himself at 2:45 am -- he didn't hear Danny leave. At 2:30 am, he says he heard a voice, probably Curran's, say, "What are you doing? Put that back."
On cross, Mason gets Palmer to admit he lost $1,400 at the poker game, and that he only makes $130 per week. Mason questions Palmer about the IOU he gave Curran, and how Curran kept track of his IOUs in a book. Palmer once again gets testy, insisting he paid off all but his most recent IOU to Curran, and says that, though he saw the book on the night of the poker game, he doesn't know what happened to it.
The judge calls for the noon adjournment, and Burger tells Tragg they have to find the IOUs lest Mason puncture a hole in their case. Burger takes Linda McCabe aside and asks her if she knows where Curran could have stored his valuables. Linda tells him Curran had a special compartment in his car next to the steering wheel where he kept a gun. Burger sends Tragg to check on it. The police enter the impound lot, where Tragg finds the secret compartment -- the gun and memo book are indeed inside, along with George Palmer's IOU.
Back in court, Burger has begun his questioning of Luke Hickey when Tragg returns, triumphant. Burger explains to the judge that he intends to introduce the memo book to refute Mason's hints that it's a possible motive for the killing. Mason pushes back on it, but the judge agrees to interrupt Hickey's testimony to allow Tragg a few minutes to introduce the item. Tragg does indeed produce the memo book, with the IOU.
Before Burger can resume questioning Hickey, Mason asks to cross-examine Tragg. He asks Tragg about the car: It was towed from the lot of Luke's Place the day after the murder. While holding the black memo book, Mason instead asks about another unusual feature of the car, which revealed who really entered Curran's apartment with ill intentions that night...
In Summation
This is an unusual case for me: With a few notable exceptions (see: "The Case of the Terrified Typist"), Perry Mason's clients are depicted as decent human beings. Even if they're foolish or misguided, they're usually at least somewhat good people. That's so that we can root for Perry to get them acquitted of their unjust murder rap. But I'd be hard-pressed to tell you one thing I liked about Danny Harrison. I'm not saying he deserved the gas chamber, but dear god is he a useless human being.
Let's take a look at what he does over the course of the episode: He's taken a job as a high school teacher despite having the credentials to get a job in engineering, and that alone isn't enough to pay his family's bills. He's moonlighting as a waiter, but the diner he's picked is so down on its luck that Luke says there probably isn't $4 in the cash register. His home appliances are getting repo'd right out from under him; he can barely afford to feed his wife and daughter; and he's somehow managed to find enough pride to refuse to take financial help from his father-in-law.
Perry's taken on Hard Luck Cases before, but the only reason things are so bad for Danny at present moment is entirely through his own pigheadedness and belief in the nobility of his profession. Like Eileen, I could get behind it if it weren't for the fact he has a disabled child. Surely her needs come before his pride or his pupils? He even mentions at one point that her doctor said her leg would be healthily formed within a few years -- surely he could at least work as an engineer for that brief time? He even apparently made Eileen quit her job when she had Carol, so that's another mark against him.
The scene where Eileen explains to Perry why she wants a divorce is downright painful. I understand why Perry doesn't take the case -- for one thing, he's Eileen's friend and wants to give her friendly advice rather than the legal variety. He also suggests she might not be in a much better financial place after a divorce. But still, the moment when he notes that Carol hasn't yet suffered for Danny's poor financial decisions, and Eileen says, "Do I have to wait for that?" resonates way harder than it should. And not to spoil, but Danny's circumstances at least are no better at the end of the episode than they are at the beginning.
Well, regardless of my disdain for the defendant -- which, I reiterate, I don't think his idiocy is worthy of conviction -- this is one of Perry's more mundane cases. Without spoiling, there's no grand conspiracy surrounding the victim that led to his death. And that's fine. Not every Perry Mason case has to have the complexity of an Agatha Christie mystery. If anything, it's more realistic that most of the potential leads in the case don't go anywhere. Still, it does leave the case feeling somewhat unfinished.
If there's one nice thing about the episode, it's the presence of an adorable little toddler who plays Carol Harrison. I may not have much fondness for the character of her father, but the scene where her father's being arrested and she's determinedly spooning oatmeal into her mush in the background is a great moment of unintentional comedy. She doesn't have a clue what's going on, nor does she care -- we should all be as unbothered as that little actress is.
Also, something occurred to me while I was rewatching this episode: When I was younger, I was baffled by the motives of Linda. She says under oath that she hated Frank Curran, and yet she was desperately chasing him down to get him to marry her. Then, shortly after he dies, she has a hasty marriage to her longtime business partner. Yeah, I'm embarrassed that it took me this long to piece together, but for anyone still in the dark, I'm pretty sure the implication is that she's pregnant and was trying to get Curran to do the "honorable" thing.
We do get a quick little lore drop on Perry Mason himself: He playfully tells Della that Eileen was the first woman who ever asked him to marry her: She was eight at the time. Perry doesn't specify how old he was himself, but Della's crack that Perry might have found her too mature probably implies he was younger. But I like to imagine Perry was slightly older. It's cute to imagine a fourteen or fifteen-year-old Perry Mason gently turning down the little farm girl who was following him around.
The Verdict
Judgement: ⚖ (one scale of justice out of four)
Perry Mason's latest client is one of his least-likeable in the whole series, and the murder is fairly pedestrian. Only the presence of an adorable youngster and some background on Perry himself are at all noteworthy about this episode.
Sophia and Max decide to reopen their pizza-knish stand on Miami Beach. Dorothy picks up smoking to cope with the stress.
Picture It...
Dorothy sneaks into the garage vestibule from the kitchen with a pack of cigarettes. Just as she takes a puff, the smoke detector goes off and Rose and Blanche run in. Forestalling Blanche calling the fire department, Dorothy explains that she started smoking again. She's under a lot of stress, particularly after Sophia's marriage to Max. The couple return from their honeymoon at that moment and Dorothy asks the other Girls not to tell her.
It's for naught, as Sophia can immediately tell and lays into Dorothy for starting her bad habit again. She promises to quit again. Max and Sophia decide to get settled into their new place. There's just one problem -- they don't have a new place. At some light guilt-tripping from Sophia, the other Girls invite them to stay for a few days while they look for their own place. Dorothy struggles with her cravings.
Three weeks later, Dorothy is in the shower and tells Sophia she'll be out shortly. Without a word, Max enters, takes off his glasses and enters the shower, making Dorothy scream. The other Girls run in and there's more screaming. Blanche tells Sophia that living with Max and Sophia isn't working out and other Girls are uncomfortable. Sophia and Max (who refuses to put on a robe) agree to start looking for a new place immediately.
ROSE: Dorothy, I know what you're going through. I smoked for years.
DOROTHY: You smoked? Rose, that's like finding out Lassie was an alcoholic.
ROSE: Lassie was an alcoholic?! That explains why she always tipped to one side when she waved goodbye to Timmy.
Sophia and Max reconvene at the boardwalk, having not found a new place. They look out at the beach and reminisce about Sal's idea to open a pizza-knish stand on the boardwalk in Coney Island. A nearby saxophonist starts playing, and Max requests Sal's favorite: "It Had to Be You," and he and Sophia slow dance on the boardwalk. Later, the other Girls talk about Dorothy's cravings -- Rose reveals she also used to smoke, to Dorothy's surprise.
Max and Sophia return home and excitedly tell everyone they've found the perfect place and ask to show them. When they arrive on the boardwalk, the "place" is an old, boarded-up concession stand. They've decided to reopen their own business -- though they'll have to live at the house until it gets off the ground. Sometime later, they've got the stand almost ready to go, and the other Girls arrive. They warn Max and Sophia they'll get a cold if they overdo it, which Sophia scoffs at.
DOROTHY: I have to give you two credit. It looks like it's really gonna happen!
MAX: Why shouldn't it happen? I know the pizza business like the back of my hand -- *look at his hand* I never noticed that before. What do you think it would cost to remove something like that?
Smash cut to Max and Sophia sitting on the couch with terrible colds. They're afraid that they won't be able to open in time for the weekend's beach festival and will lose their lease. The Girls cave and agree to help them out. That weekend, Blanche, Rose, and Dorothy are hard at work getting the pizza and knishes ready to go. Rose inadvertently triggers Dorothy's cigarette cravings. Unfortunately, they don't get the customers they're hoping for as no one seems to notice the stand.
Sophia arrives on a wave of better health to check on the stand, and the Girls tell her they haven't sold since everyone's in the water. Sophia decides to show them what's what: She looks towards the beach and starts yelling, "Shark!" The terrified beachgoers immediately surge onto the boardwalk and up to the pizza-knish stand. That night, they excitedly say they completely sold out, and the business is saved.
FIREMAN: Well, we've finally found the cause of the fire.
DOROTHY: Take me away. Cuff me.
FIREMAN: …well, I'd like to take you to dinner first. Then we could play the rest by ear.
Unfortunately, Dorothy gets a phone call and they rush back to the beach: The stand is now a smoking ruin. In tears, Dorothy confesses she snuck in a cigarette while locking up. Sophia forgives her, saying it was an accident. However, a fireman appears and says the real culprit was an electrical issue, and Blanche says insurance will help Sophia and Max rebuild. Sophia and Max? They both say, "Eh," to each other's surprise.
Sophia and Max both come to the same conclusion: The business isn't the same without Sal and Esther. Sophia sends the Girls home for cheesecake, and she and Max sit on their bench to talk. They decide they aren't in love with each other like they were with their late spouses, and are better off as friends. The Catholic Sophia suggests they separate, and Max decides to return to his family in Brooklyn. The saxophonist shows up and offers to play "It Had to Be You" again, and Sophia and Max dance for themselves, Sal, and Esther.
"I don't need a divorce on my record with St. Peter at spitting distance."
Max and Sophia once again put the "whirlwind" in "whirlwind romance," as they fast-track through their honeymoon, starting a business together, and finally a separation based on mutual agreement in a single episode. There's a lot going on here, even by Golden Girls standards. However, I think the saving grace of the episode is the continuity between the two-parter, and because I think it at least sort of addressed the big problem I had with the last one.
ROSE: I don't understand.
SOPHIA: You should have that printed on a t-shirt.
The addition of Max, a man who invades the Girls' sanctuary (albeit by invitation) adds an extra ingredient of humor to the first half of the episode, as they can't get used to living with a man once more. Though when I've lived with men who weren't married to me, I admittedly didn't often have an issue with them joining me in the shower because they've mistaken me for their wife. I'm not sure why Max and Sophia stay with the Girls for three weeks before looking for a house, but it at least provides some conflict.
Max and Sophia's decision to try and reopen the pizza-knish stand that the Petrillos and Weinstocks originally opened on Coney Island is a pleasant nod to the first episode in the two-parter. It's nice to see an expansion on Sophia's life before she moved to Miami to be with her daughter, and to see what she and Sal got up to during their long life together in Brooklyn. I'm not sure if pizza and knishes would do as well on Miami Beach as they would on Coney Island, but I'm not going to pretend I know anything about the food industry.
BLANCHE: Why don't you want to hear about my dream?
DOROTHY: Because it is always the same thing with you, Blanche: Sex, sex, sex. I am tired of hearing it.
ROSE: Maybe that's because you're not getting any, Dorothy.
DOROTHY: Do you want the pot again, Rose?
The issue I had with the first part of the episode was that it almost felt like Max forgot about his recently deceased wife (and Sophia's former bestie) Esther. At the end of this episode, Max admits he doesn't love Sophia as much as he did Esther, and that he prefers to remain friends with her after their separation. He also admits that he misses Brooklyn, where his family and grandkids live, which clears up a factor I hadn't even addressed about how Max must have felt moving to Miami.
As for this episode itself, the problem I have with the primary story about Max and Sophia is that it doesn't seem to flow naturally from part one to part two. At first, the conflict is that Sophia and Max need to find a new place to live, then the issue is them starting a business they might not be able to keep going. They feel almost like two different episodes smashed together -- especially since Sophia simply tells Blanche they'll both be staying in her house until the business gets off the ground, despite them moving out being the motivation to go to the boardwalk in the first place.
SOPHIA: You want a Lifesaver?
MAX: What kind you got?
SOPHIA: Peppermint.
MAX: I don't like peppermint. I like butterscotch. You got butterscotch.
SOPHIA: Does it say 7-11 across my forehead? I got peppermint!
Speaking of the boardwalk, it's one of the biggest non-house sets I've ever seen on this show -- fitting, given we spend over half the episode here. Not only do we have the full-size pizza-knish stand, but we also get to see a large section of the boardwalk, including other shops, which include a palm reader, a newspaper stand, and a candy shop. And mentioning sets, they've redesigned the Girls' only full-size bathroom yet again for the single-scene gag of Max getting into the shower with Dorothy.
There's not a B-plot in this episode per se -- Dorothy's smoking is directly related to the A-plot, and plays a role in its conclusion. She says one of the reasons she resumed the bad habit is because of her stress over Sophia's remarriage, and the married couple staying in the house with them probably doesn't help. We never actually learn if she did kick the habit. She didn't actually burn down the stand, so she may not quit out of guilt -- perhaps out of an abundance of caution over what could have happened? I have no idea.
BLANCHE: Well, how was the honeymoon?
MAX: I tell you, that Disney World hotel was just wonderful. It had everything: Good service, delicious food, a beautiful room!
ROSE: What did you think of the rides?
MAX: . . . they got rides?
SOPHIA: Don't worry about it. You had a good time and you never had to stand in line.
Another issue I have is that Blanche and Rose have far less to do in this episode than they did in the last one. They've managed to lose all interest in Elvis Presley over the course of a month, and have nothing to do in the whole episode except complain about Max, try to help Sophia, and give Dorothy motivation to kick her smoking habit. Rose manages to sneak in several inane St. Olaf Stories, while Blanche's main contribution seems to be as the voice of reason for everyone.
That said, the last scene where Dorothy gets her final resolve to quit smoking and is absolved of her guilt simultaneously, then Max and Sophia agree to part ways, is very sweet and a nice way of tying the whole thing together. Max going home to his family gives a clean break while not requiring Sophia to move back from a different location, and it's a sweet way of paying homage to the two's original spouses. Also, it's always nice to hear "It Had to Be You," especially played on a saxophone.
Episode rating: 🍰🍰🍰 (three cheesecake slices out of five)
Dr. Blane calls Perry Mason for help when his gambler son-in-law steals $100,000 from a bank. Perry and Paul Drake attempt to investigate, only to find Dr. Blane with the body of said son-in-law. His philandering daughter, a remote trail camera, and a gun borrowed from the neighbors all play a part in finding the real culprit.
Who's Who
Perry Mason's client: Dr. Vincente Blane, chairman of a bank board who is stuck when the son-in-law he vouched for goes crooked
The victim: Jack Hardisty, a gambling addict who steals from a bank and blackmails his father-in-law
Suspects:
Sue Hardisty, Jack's wife and Blane's daughter, who was stepping out with her neighbor
Philip Strague, Sue's clandestine boyfriend and the owner of the murder weapon
Jean Strague, Strague's sister, who disapproves of his relationship with Sue
Rodney Beaton, a wildlife photographer, whose trail cameras capture more than just animals around the lake
The Setup
Dr. Blane drops into the Sierra City bank to talk with its manager, Reynolds. While he's there, Reynolds asks Jack Hardisty to put some cash into the vault. Blane asks Reynolds how Jack, his son-in-law, is doing at his new job, but Reynolds is reluctant to speak ill as Blane is chairman of the bank's board. Meanwhile, in the vault, Jack shoves a large amount of the cash into a bag. As he departs with the bag, he tells Blane that he and Sue, Blane's daughter, will join the older man at his lakehouse for the weekend.
At said lakehouse, Sue greets Jack, who's late. Their neighbors, the Stragues, are already there, as is Dr. Blane. Jack enters Dr. Blane's study and rather smugly confesses to stealing $100,000 from the bank. Since the bank examiners are coming on Monday, Jack unsubtly tells Dr. Blane he'll have to help cover it up to protect Sue -- and because Dr. Blane guaranteed his bond.
In Perry Mason's office, he gets a call from Dr. Blane, with whom he's already familiar. Dr. Blane tells Perry about Jack's theft and blackmail. Jack has proposed to return $75,000 if Dr. Blane made up the rest and didn't press charges. Perry offers to get him in touch with Paul to help dig up info on Jack's extracurriculars, and Perry himself will come up to visit Dr. Blane at the lakehouse.
Enter Perry Mason, Attorney at Law
At the Hardisty's home, two of Paul's operatives stand watch. Inside, Jack receives a call from someone and is immediately on the defensive. He agrees to meet the caller alone later that night. He drives off, with the two detectives in hot (albeit silent) pursuit. Later that night, Perry and Della arrive at Dr. Blane's lake house, where they meet Paul -- who says Dr. Blane and Sue aren't there. Paul adds that there's trouble: The operatives lost Jack in Los Angeles, but he's not so far skipped town.
Paul departs to try and intercept Jack at his home in Sierra City, while Perry and Della stay at the lake house. Paul sneaks up to the Hardisty's house and checks a window: Dr. Blane is inside the house, ransacking the place. Paul confronts him, and Dr. Blane points down to the floor, where Jack Hardisty lays dead. Dr. Blane says he doesn't know what happened and he was looking for the money. Paul, with a stern look, calls the police. Later, Dr. Blane tells the detectives he doesn't own a gun, but admits to not calling them sooner.
Back at the lake house, Sue admits a man named Rodney Beaton and introduces him to Perry and Della. Beaton is a well-known wildlife photographer. He tells them he was resetting some trail cameras, which he rigs with wire so they'll go off and capture night shots when an animal trips it. Phil Strague also enters and is introduced, and he says his sister Jean is a fan of Perry's. Strague admits to Beaton he accidentally tripped one of his trail cameras earlier that evening. Beaton notes that something also tripped a camera only a few minutes before.
Dr. Blane arrives and greets Perry. He tells Sue that Jack is dead, and she bursts into tears. Later, he explains to Perry what happened in his study. He says he's worried, both because Sue won't tell him where she disappeared to … and because he did have a gun. He doesn't own one, but Strague loaned him one for target shooting and it's now missing. Perry chides him for not telling the sheriff sooner, as the police are sure to find out and they should hear it from Dr. Blane.
As Della is calling, Perry asks if anyone else knew about the stolen money. Dr. Blane says the Stragues and Beaton (and Sue) were in the house the night he fought with Jack, and he spilled the story to them knowing they'd overheard. Della can't connect with the sheriff. Dr. Blane insists he didn't call Jack before going over, saying it was an impulse and he assumed Jack would be there.
The Murder
Sue enters, still in tears, and says Sheriff Elmore is at the house, wanting to speak with Dr. Blane. Dr. Blane confesses the truth about the gun to the Sheriff, who produces a pistol from his pocket. It's the missing gun, found stuffed in the fork of a tree, wiped clean of prints. He asks the doctor why it took him over two hours to make a trip that took them 90 minutes. Dr. Blane admits he and Jack had been at odds over the theft from the bank and he considered threatening Jack but changed his mind.
Later, after the Sheriff interrogates the doctor, Perry steps outside with Sue. She insists her father couldn't have killed anyone. Perry asks Sue where she was the night before, and she admits in confidence that she and Jack were having marital problems, and she'd been seeing her neighbor, Phil Strague. She and Strague would meet up at her father's house in Sierra City, nowhere near the lake. She went there the previous night, but Phil never showed. So she doesn't have an alibi.
Back where Perry's staying, he asks Paul to check on the suspects who knew about the money ahead of the preliminary hearing in a week. Paul points out Dr. Blane has no motive to kill over money he'll have to return to the bank, but Perry says DA Hale believes Dr. Blane was in league with Jack on the theft. Paul notes that there were three sets of prints in the Hardisty house: Sue's, Jack's, and Dr. Blane's. There were three washed glasses in the dish drainer. Perry says the money is a motive -- now they just need to find out who, other than Dr. Blane and Sue, had the means and opportunity.
The Trial
As the trial commences, DA Hale greets Mason again. He begins with the testimony of the coroner, who determines the time of death to be between 7:35pm and 7:45pm, which Mason stipulates is correct. The coroner also says the cause of death is a gunshot wound, and he removed the fatal bullet for ballistics testing. Hale asks if anything else was unusual, and the coroner notes Jack had been orally drugged with scopolamine, which would have lowered his inhibitions and acted as a semi-effective truth serum. Mason has no questions.
Next, Hale calls Sheriff Elmore. The Sheriff confirms the average drive time from the lake house to the Hardisty's home is one hour, thirty-one minutes. Dr. Blane's housekeeper says he left his home at 5:45pm, so he would have arrived at 7:16pm if he went straight there. Sheriff Elmore testifies Dr. Blane claims to have arrived at 7:50pm instead. The police also found scopolamine in the doctor's home. On cross, Mason asks the sheriff if the washed glasses had any trace of scopolamine. They didn't.
Philip Strague testifies next, admitting the murder weapon is his, and that he'd loaned it to Dr. Blane. On cross, Mason gets Strague to admit he'd technically loaned the gun to the Hardistys as well. They all knew where it was kept, as did Strague and possibly Beaton. Next, Hale questions Jean Strague, who says she knew about scopolamine because the party at the lake house had discussed a magazine article about it the same night Jack fought with Dr. Blane.
Hale tells Jean that they're trying to establish the whereabouts of everyone who knew about Jack's theft, and asks where she was at the time of the murder. She says she was at her cabin with Strague all night, except for a few minutes when her brother visited the Hardisty cabin looking for a bridge game. On cross, Mason asks if anyone else can alibi Jean, and she admits no one can. Hale decides to recall Strague to clear up the question of alibis.
Strague returns to the stand and testifies that he went over to Dr. Blane's around 7:30pm, but left when he saw a strange car (Perry's). That's when he accidentally set off Beaton's flash camera on the trail, which he told everyone at the lake house about. Hale shows him a picture of himself: It's the photo the trail cam snapped when he tripped the flash. Hale submits the photo as evidence with further evidence as to its provenance incoming. Mason doesn't object.
Paul Drake takes the witness stand to testify that Dr. Blane was searching the Hardisty house, and that he (the doctor) said he'd not called the police. On cross, Mason asks Drake if he'd attempted to verify Dr. Blane's claim that he'd arrived only five minutes before Drake himself. Drake says he inspected Dr. Blane's car and found it still warm -- it was likely only idle for a few moments. On redirect, Hale asks Drake if this is an estimate or a measurement; Drake says it's an estimate.
The Investigation
Out on the trail, Perry is recreating one of Beaton's trail cams, complete with tripwire. Paul arrives with lunch and the dirt on the Stragues. Strague was discharged from the Navy eight years previously, and they lived in the Bay Area before Sierra City. Strague was "friendly" with a rich, married woman there. Perry asks Paul to find out if Jack rented a post office box next to Union Station between 5:05pm and 5:20pm the day of his murder and if there's any mail in the box.
Della notes that, if Jack was killed at 7:30pm, for the scopolamine to take effect, he'd have to have been home by 7pm. Paul adds that a P.O. box would not have been big enough to stash $100k in cash, but Perry says Jack could have used it to mail himself a key or a claim ticket. Della also says that Jack could have bluffed under the influence of scopolamine, telling the killer his original hiding place inside the house while concealing the P.O. Box location.
Back in court, Hale questions Beaton about the flash he saw on the trail from his cabin porch. Beaton says he saw the first flash at 7:30pm. He confirms the picture is the one taken when that flash was tripped. On cross, Mason asks Beaton how long he was on his porch -- Beaton says from 6pm to 10pm, but no one can confirm that. Mason asks if Strague's mention of the flash was the first time Beaton knew it was Strague who tripped the flash.
Beaton says no: He saw Strague's tracks when he reset the camera, and there was nothing unusual about them. Paul enters the court and confirms sotto voce to Mason that Jack did rent a box, and there's one piece of mail in it. Mason writes him a note and sends him off again. He asks Beaton to demonstrate the resetting of the camera, and as he does so, Mason notes a flaw in one character's alibi -- someone wasn't where they said they were . . .
In Summation
Once again, Perry, Paul, and Della have an "away" case, set outside their usual territory of Los Angeles. These episodes usually happen either because Perry is going to help a friend, or because someone managed to catch him while he was on vacation. This time, it's the former, as Perry and Della are apparently already familiar with Dr. Blane -- the good doctor explicitly says Perry is his friend, not his lawyer when Sheriff Elmore asks.
That said, I'm sure Perry wishes Dr. Blane had been his client before all this happened, so he could have advised him not to make the very stupid mistake of lying to the cops, to say nothing of failing to report the death when he discovered it. Even Paul sternly reprimands the doctor when he discovers what's happened. I know the average American is not going to understand the severity of that kind of mistake, but anyone who has Perry Mason on speed dial should know better.
Not that I can really blame Dr. Blane -- I'm pretty sure there's not one person in this whole episode who's sad to see Jack Hardisty go. An audacious, smug asshole who steals from the bank where his father-in-law got him the job and then brags about it isn't going to endear himself to anyone. That said, he's apparently got more guts than most victims, as he's able to tell a half-truth even under the effects of scopolamine (which isn't a truth serum, but let's act as if it is) as a final "Fuck you" to his killer.
No one in this case is really an angel, if you think about it. Sue Hardisty and Phil Strague are carrying on an affair, Jean Strague and Rodney Beaton are busybodies who get into Dr. Blane's business, and Dr. Blane himself -- well, not to keep shitting on the good doctor, but who the heck just spills the whole story about their son-in-law stealing $100k from a bank to the neighbors they barely know just because they happen to be in the next room when said son-in-law leaves? Not to spoil, but that little act of indiscretion is what leads to the rest of the nonsense in the episode.
If there's anyone worth cheering for in this episode, it's Paul. This is one of the first times we see him testify in his capacity as a private detective, and he gives exemplary testimony. He's precise with details, and even forces DA Hale to reword his questions to get the exact information he wants on record. He also shows how thorough he is as a detective, in that he took the time to feel the doctor's car engine to see if its warmth would substantiate his story of having just arrived. His operatives are no slouches either, even running a red light to try and keep up with the fleeing Hardisty.
There's one recurring trope in these episodes that is either a product of its time or pure fantasy (I can't tell which): The trope that everyone keeps their firearms in the glove box of their car. Maybe this is just me -- and I grew up in Texas, so it's not like I've never seen guns -- but I can't possibly think of less-secure place to keep a deadly weapon. Cars are mobile, easy to break into, and glove boxes don't usually come with locks as far as I know. Maybe they did at the time, but even so, it's still a rather uncertain place to keep such a thing.
Sheriff Elmore and Darwin Hale return as the suburban counterparts to Tragg and Burger, respectively. We last saw them in "The Case of the Angry Mourner," where Hale proved to be a formidable opponent to Mason in court. Sheriff Elmore is played by a different actor, but it's still recognizably the same character, which is a rare bit of continuity from this series. Hale is once again professionally friendly to Mason, though Dr. Blane seems to think Hale should cut him (the doctor) some slack based on reputation alone. I've seen Hale twice, and I already knew that wasn't going to happen.
One last note: Dr. Blane's full name is never uttered in the episode, not even at his trial. Even Perry, his longtime friend, simply calls him "Dr. Blane." He doesn't even have a first name in the credits. I've taken the liberty of adding the first name "Vincente," which was the character's first name in the story on which this episode is based. I don't need to, I know, but it bugs the heck out of me when I just see a surname on my character list.
The Verdict
Judgement: ⚖⚖ (two scales of justice out of four)
Perry Mason's client in this case does everything he can to make himself look guilty -- and out of all of them, he should really know better. The rest of the suspects are also a bit on the shallow side, but it's fun to watch the final gambit unfold.
Sophia reunites with an old friend, Max Weinstock, and the sparks fly in more ways than one. Rose and Blanche start an Elvis fan club.
Picture It...
Rose runs in, so excited she's shaking: Her application to start a branch of the Elvis Presley Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love Fan Club has been approved. Blanche, who's also a huge Elvis fan, appoints herself president (also claiming she slept with him). Sophia answers a phone call and returns in tears: Her best friend from Brooklyn, Esther Weinstock, has died. Dorothy volunteers to go to the funeral with her, but Sophia refuses.
DOROTHY: Oh I'm so sorry. What happened?
SOPHIA: She was fighting an oil rig fire in the Gulf of Mexico. She was 88!
ROSE: Well, it's great that she was able to work right up to the end.
After Sophia storms out of the kitchen, Dorothy explains that Esther's husband Max and Sophia's husband Salvador were business partners running a pizza-knish stand. Max gambled their profits away one night and they went broke. Sophia reenters and says she swore she'd never see Max again, but Dorothy convinces her to go. In Brooklyn, Sophia and Dorothy arrive at the Weinstock house after the funeral. Max enters, and Sophia's still angry with him.
Max says he's finally willing to admit the truth, and begins narrating a story... Brooklyn 1949: Sophia, Sal, Max, and Esther are playing gin in the Weinstocks' home. Esther and Sophia go to make coffee, and Sal tells Max that he lost their money betting on the races. He apologizes to Max and says Sophia will throw him out when he tells her. When Sophia comes in, Max intervenes and says he's the one who gambled the money away.
DOROTHY: Ma, say something to him!
SOPHIA: I can't. Sicilians have a hard time with apologies.
DOROTHY: They also have a hard time passing wet cement without putting someone in it. They manage!
Back in the present, Max says it was worth it as the Petrillos stayed together and Sal quit gambling. Dorothy urges Sophia to apologize to Max, and she does, in her own way. Back in Miami, Blanche and Rose close the first fan club meeting with show-and-tell, a partially eaten pork chop. Dorothy isn't impressed, and Blanche kicks her out of the club for speaking ill of the King (Dorothy's not too broken up about it).
Everyone else leaves, and the Girls decide to get dinner. Dorothy goes to get Sophia, who's been depressed since Esther's funeral. She screams, and Rose and Blanche come running . . . to find Sophia in bed with Max. All three Girls are shocked, and Dorothy immediately starts yelling at her mother. Then Sophia breaks the news that she and Max are getting married, and Dorothy faints on the spot. Rose revives her with some smacks to the face.
Dorothy demands that Sophia explain. Max and Sophia said that they reconnected and fell in love while they were in Brooklyn together, and they want to marry right away. Blanche and Rose are on board, saying it's romantic, but Dorothy is still angry and say it's a mistake. Sometime later, Rose and Blanche decide to hire an Elvis impersonator for their next club meeting. Dorothy, meanwhile, is trying to avoid the topic of the wedding.
Rose and Blanche try to make her see reason, but Dorothy says she doesn't believe they're really in love after only three days. Sophia enters with her wedding dress, but tells the Girls that, according to Sicilian custom, she can't get married without Dorothy's blessing. Dorothy again refuses, and isn't scared of Sophia's threats to put a curse on her. On the day of the wedding, Rose and Blanche go to help Sophia get ready, but she's locked herself in the bathroom and says the wedding is off.
ROSE: Don't you have to be a virgin to wear a white wedding dress?
SOPHIA: Please, the last time I was a virgin, the Louisiana Purchase was still in escrow.
Max and Dorothy enter, and Sophia talks about how much she loves Max, but she can't face Dorothy's disapproval. Dorothy finally breaks and confesses (while the pushy caterer hovers) that she's struggling to see her mom with another husband, but she wants her to be happy. Sophia finally exits the bathroom in her wedding dress. They all wish her happiness, and the four Girls have one more group hug.
The four Girls exit to the living room, where Max and the priest are waiting, and receive a surprise: A room filled with Elvises. Rose mixed up the guest list with the impersonator list. The priest begins the ceremony anyway while Dorothy, Rose, and Blanche talk about weddings. They finish the vows, and the priest pronounces them man and wife. As Max and Sophia kiss, the Elvises all stand up and sing the wedding song from Blue Hawaii.
"Then if no Elvis in this room has any objection to this union . . ."
When I said at the start of the season that they were giving Sophia more screentime, I was not exaggerating. We're six episodes in and we've gotten our third Sophia-centric episode (four, if you count "Yes We Have No Havanas"). Now we see her getting a big two-parter where she marries an old friend after reconciling a forty-year misunderstanding with him. Though there's a part of me that wonders about Max's enthusiasm, given that he just lost his wife.
BLANCHE: Oh Sophia, honey, I want to wish you all the happiness in the world!
SOPHIA: Thank you, Blanche!
ROSE: And Sophia, I want to offer you a traditional Scandinavian wedding blessing. *rambles in nonspecific Scandinavian with a lot of F sounds*
SOPHIA: I'm really touched. *puts a hand on her chin* I'm also soaking wet. All right, one group hug, and let's hit the road!
In what is apparent a recurring theme for Sophia (see also: her sister and her brother), she reconciles a decades-long misunderstanding with a loved one. Max decides to save Sophia's marriage by covering up Sal's gambling problem that leads them to go out of business. It's a noble act of sacrifice considering it gives Sal the push he needs to give up gambling (at least as far as Max knows, but we'll get to that in another episode).
There's one person in this story who I think gets a bit lost: Esther Weinstock herself. What did she think of Max's lie, assuming that she knew it was a lie? Did she keep in touch with Sophia afterwards? I would presume so, since someone from her family informs Sophia about her death. Since "Weinstock" is her married name, I presume she's actually Italian -- Sophia says they grew up together, which means Esther was also Sicilian, right?
ROSE: Sophia, she was your best friend. Are you sure you don't want to go to her funeral?
SOPHIA: Of course I wanna go. But I swore a Sicilian oath I would never cast my eyes on Max Weinstock again. And nothing you can say or do will make me change my mind.
DOROTHY: I'll pay for both tickets."
SOPHIA: Book business class. If I have to sit through The Three Amigos, I'll need champagne.
I also feel bad for Esther that her husband marries someone else mere weeks after her funeral. While Sophia's had two decades to mourn her husband, Esther hasn't been gone nearly as long, and presumably she and Max were happily married the whole time. It makes me question why Max is willing to move on so fast -- though I concede that such things do happen. I think it's very (sadly) telling that Esther's actress, Fritzi Burr, isn't even properly credited in the episode -- she's listed as a character named "Ruth."
Poor Dorothy flips from being fully in support of her mother reconciling with Max to being the main obstacle to their romance, so she's balancing a lot here. The final scene, in which she confesses that this is all stemming from lingering grief for her father but that she wants her mother to be happy more, is very sweet. As a piece of trivia, according to Golden Girls Forever, Raye Birk, who plays the caterer, insisted on keeping the caterer's lines in when the producers tried to cut them, and I think we're all better for it.
Side note, but Dorothy feels more Sicilian than usual in this episode. She mentions paying respects to the Weinstocks after the funeral and putting people in cement, and is also familiar with Sicilian customs and curses, albeit with help from Aunt Regina. One of my favorite little touches in this episode is that an Italian complimenting someone else's food is considered to be a valid apology even by Dorothy's standards.
The B-plot, about Rose and Blanche starting an Elvis Presley fan club, is a personal favorite. While their self-proclaimed fanatical devotion to the King's legacy, to the point of cooing over his half-eaten food, is intended to (and does) come across as cringy, it's also a note-perfect parody of modern fandoms. I also love it when an A- and B-plot merge at the end of the episode, and the big reveal that the Elvises are the guests at Sophia's wedding is always good for a laugh.
BLANCHE: Do you know what I hate doing most after a party?
ROSE: Trying to find your underwear in the big pile?
This episode has one of the most popular and well-known pieces of Golden Girls trivia attached to it: Namely, that one of the Elvis impersonators was played by none other than Quentin Tarantino. The man himself said during an appearance on The Tonight Show that the residuals from his appearance on this show helped keep him afloat while making Reservoir Dogs. So, if you think about it, this episode is indirectly responsible for the rise of a major part of movie culture for the decade following its release.
I gotta say, leaving aside the effect his appearance had on the history of film, Tarantino was putting in work back there. You can tell, watching the episode, which Elvises are into their role and which ones are phoning it in (Blue Jumpsuit Elvis is barely moving one of his knees). Quentin's Sun Records Elvis falls into the former category -- his career could have ended right there and it would have been a high note to go out on.
Episode rating: 🍰🍰🍰🍰 (four cheesecake slices out of five)
Favorite part of the episode
The Elvises may not know why they're here, but they're going to do what they do best:
Masonry Monday: The Case of the Curious Bride [WIP]
Rhoda Reynolds will do almost anything to keep her colorful past from her husband and, more importantly, her tyrannical father-in-law. But she won't kill, as she insists when the blackmailer who knows her secret is murdered with her ring in his hand. No believes her . . . except Perry Mason.
Who's Who
Perry Mason's client: Rhoda Reynolds, a wealthy wife whose past indiscretions have come back to roost
The victim: Arthur "Artie" Kane, a blackmailer whose wealth of knowledge angered more than one person
Suspects:
Carl Reynolds, Rhoda's husband, who keeps insisting he trusts his wife despite being dominated by his father
C. Philip Reynolds, a rich man who doesn't want a mysterious nurse with a past as his daughter-in-law
Dr. Michael Harris, Rhoda's friend, who knows about the blackmail and sends her to Perry Mason for help
The Setup
Carl Reynolds kisses his beautiful wife Rhoda goodbye before heading to work, while a smarmy-looking man watches from a nearby car. Later, he scares Rhoda while she's alone in the house. She tells the man, Artie Kane, that she can't afford to give him the $2,000 he's demanding of her. He gives her until 2 am the next morning to raise it and tells her to bring it to his apartment, even hinting that the former nurse should drug her husband. He also calls her bluff when she starts to call the police.
Elsewhere, Carl watches his father Philip Reynolds skeet-shooting. The elder Reynolds refuses to give his son the $2,000 he's asking for, dong the whole "when I was your age" schtick. Reynolds adds that they've only had each other since Carl's mother died when he was four, but they've fallen out since Carl married Rhoda, whom he knew little of. Carl says he thinks Rhoda married him out of sympathy, as she was once his nurse. Reynolds believes she's after their money and says Rhoda's a little too close to a Dr. Michael Harris. He says neither of them will get his money while they remain together.
At the Beverly Hills Doctors Hospital, Rhoda meets with Dr. Harris, an obstetrician. They discuss Kane's blackmail, and Dr. Harris urges her to tell Carl the truth, believing he can handle it, but Rhoda says his father's the problem. Dr. Harris makes a covert pass at her, saying she should have married him, but Rhoda's not biting. Finally, he gives her the address of Perry Mason's office, saying that, if anyone can help her, the lawyer can.
Enter Perry Mason, Attorney at Law
Rhoda arrives at Perry's office as "Mrs. Crocker" and starts tell him she's here to ask a question on behalf of "a friend." Rhoda says her "friend" was married for a few months to a grifter eight years previously in Seattle. Her husband was supposedly killed in an car accident in Kansas later. Perry accurately guesses that she's since married again and her first husband has now turned up, noting that they used the "money for a fake funeral" dodge. Now comes the big question: Is her second marriage valid?
Perry tells her that, unfortunately, her second marriage isn't valid. She should divorce her first husband and marry her second husband again. "Mrs. Crocker" nervously asks if there's any way her friend can persuade her first husband to leave her alone, but Perry attempts to call her bluff and tells her that "her friend" needs to make an appointment if she wants advice. Rhoda leaves, and Perry tells Della he made a bad call not helping her more. Unfortunately, they can't just wash their hands of it: "Mrs. Crocker" gave Della a $50 retainer, and Perry has to find her now.
When Della goes to sit down, she realizes Rhoda left her purse in the office. Since Rhoda's a client, Perry searches the purse for identifying information, which includes a telegram with Rhoda's real married name on it. Perry calls Paul in and asks him to find out about "Artie," the man who sent Rhoda the telegram telling her not to forget the time of their "date" that night. Paul immediately picks up the phone and obtains the address. Perry arrives at Kane's rooming house, and speaks with a neighbor who says Kane has drunken parties. The building is listed as For Sale.
As he's about to leave, a blonde woman walks out, telling Kane she's giving him a deadline of some kind and that she's working at the Onyx. Perry speaks with Kane, who's wary of the lawyer. When Perry asks about Kane's marriage to Rhoda, Kane immediately picks up the phone to call Rhoda. He hands the phone to Perry, and Rhoda tells Perry to stop interfering and hangs up. Perry picks up a very loud alarm clock and Kane refuses to talk to him, but Perry says that's fine -- he's done all the talking, now he expects Kane to ponder his words.
The Murder
Carl Reynolds is asleep in bed at 1:45 am, with a cup of tea next to him. Rhoda sneaks out, but as soon as she leaves the room, Carl springs up and watches her leave. She runs to the garage and gets her car, then drives off. At 2 am, Rhoda drives the car up to a service station with a flat tire, and the serviceman offers to change her tire for her. Rhoda arrives at Kane's apartment at 2: 10, to his fury, and tells him she wasn't able to raise the money in time.
He decides to take her wedding ring as compensation instead, whether Rhoda likes it or not. There's a ring of the bell, but Kane ignores it. Rhoda grabs a poker from the fireplace to defend herself, but it's not enough to fend off Kane, who attacks her. Their tussle is loud enough to wake the nosy neighbor's dog, and the neighbor calls the police, saying that, "Somebody's getting killed!" The next morning, Paul reads about the "bludgeon killing" in the newspaper, which shows Kane's body, with a large diamond ring in his hand.
Della notes that the ring, which is also pictured, was the same one on the finger of "Mrs. Crocker." Perry says that he doesn't represent Rhoda, as she technically fired him yesterday, but the case against her looks rough. Perry says that Tragg probably has her in custody right now, but Della will take that bet: Rhoda herself is on the phone. Perry speaks with Rhoda, who says she's at the Doctors Hospital. He tells her he's on his way and to stay where she is. He asks Paul to get him the police reports on the killing and to identify the Onyx blonde he met coming out of Kane's building.
In Summation
I'll be honest, this is one of those cases where the motive and guilty party are not all that hard to figure out. I'm still not going to spoil it, but there's only person in the case with a stronger motive than Rhoda to commit the murder.
After getting beaned by a baseball, Sophia gets entangled with Stanley on a fraud scheme. Blanche and Rose are cast in a production of Cats.
Picture It...
Sophia and Dorothy are looking through family photo albums when Blanche and Rose come home: They were auditioning for roles in a production of the musical, Cats. The doorbell rings and Stan arrives. He's got three tickets to a baseball game for that day, and initially tries to sweet-talk Dorothy into going. Dorothy initially resists, but then Sophia agrees to go and she relents.
DOROTHY: How did the auditions go?
ROSE: Great! Oh, you shoulda tried out, Dorothy. Everybody was really stinky. You might've gotten a part this year!
BLANCHE: Rose, don't be silly. Dorothy couldn't get a part. We're doing the award-winning musical Cats! You have to be agile, graceful, and sensual!
DOROTHY: You're right, Blanche. I mean, how could I possibly compete with you? You've given some of your finest performances in back alleys.
At the ball park, the three of them are way up in the nosebleeds. As they're watching the game -- and Dorothy gets a sweaty, shirtless seat neighbor -- Dorothy presses Stan on why he really invited her. He confesses he's bankrupt and needs money. Dorothy is ready to leave, but they stay to watch one pitch. The batter hits, and the ball comes soaring all the way up to the stands . . . where it hits Sophia right in the head. She immediately passes out on Dorothy's shoulder.
Cut to the hospital where Sophia's still out cold. Blanche and Rose arrive, in full Cats costume, from rehearsal to check on her. After being assured by Dorothy she's fine, just shaken, they go for coffee. The doctor arrives and begins inspecting Sophia, who wakes up and tries to get out of bed. They say they want to keep her for 48 hours for observation. Sophia resists, but panics when Blanche and Rose return.
STAN: What would you say if I told you I have come up with a great way to make some fast money for us . . . and all you have to do is lie on your back?
SOPHIA: I'd say you're about 50 years too late on that one.
Later, Sophia is home from the hospital and Blanche and Rose are irritating her by method-acting their cat roles. Stan arrives to check on Sophia, and Rose and Blanche ask Dorothy for help with their rehearsing in the kitchen. Left alone with Sophia, Stan tells her that he's got a get-rich-quick scheme: They can sue the ball park for Sophia's "severe" injury, with Stan's doctor friend in on it. The moment she hears it could be a six-figure payoff, Sophia immediately collapses to the floor and cries paralysis when the other Girls run in.
Dorothy tries to insist Sophia go back to the hospital, but she refuses. Stan says his doctor friend is on the way, but Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose are immediately suspicious, especially when Sophia is acting chummy with him. Stan's friend, "Doctor Jerry" arrives and diagnoses Sophia with paralysis after only two seconds of checking her over. Dorothy throws him out and demands they get a second opinion.
Some days later, Sophia watching TV when she hears Dorothy coming home and vaults into a nearby wheelchair. Dorothy goes into the kitchen and tells Rose and Blanche that she's certain Sophia is faking her injury. Both Girls, ready to give advice, begin stories about lack of trust -- Dorothy tells Blanche to go first, and she tells a story about cheating on a boyfriend in high school. This doesn't sway Dorothy, who's going to try and prove that Sophia's faking it.
She goes into the living room and begins to dramatically fake having a heart attack -- Sophia ignores her. Stan arrives and Dorothy tells him she's onto him before storming out. Stan tells Sophia in private that the insurance company isn't buying "Doctor Jerry's" report, so she must be examined by their doctors. He wants to give up, thinking there's no way they can fool a real doctor, but Sophia is convinced she can keep up the act.
WHEELCHAIR LADY: I wish I had your positive attitude. But the doctors told me it'd be a waste of time.
SOPHIA: Doctors, what do they know? They spend 20 years in medical school, they still don't know enough to warm their hands before they do a breast exam.
At the doctor's office, Sophia is in a waiting room full of people with casts, crutches, and wheelchairs. Faced with their suffering, Sophia is starting to have an attack of conscience, especially when a little boy with a broken leg hobbles over. He's too pure for Sophia, who stands up and finally admits she was faking and she feels terrible. On cute, everyone in the room jumps to their feet and rips off their casts. They're all actors -- Blanche and Rose's costars in the Cats production, no less.
Sophia is, naturally, quite upset about being tricked. Back at home, Sophia continues to be mad at Dorothy, but Dorothy says she just wanted to break Stan's control on her mother. Rose passes through the living room on her way to rehearsal, once again in full costume. Two seconds after she leaves, she runs back in screaming for help . . . and Harry Weston's dog Dreyfuss chases her across the living room and into the kitchen.
SOPHIA: Rose is in big trouble. That's Dreyfuss -- it took two guys to pry him off the Steinbergs' plastic flamingos.
"Stanley, I used to think you were the scum of the earth. I have just downgraded my opinion."
Stanley makes his first appearance in Season Four, and, as usual, he brings trouble in his wake. This is one of those episodes that falls apart the longer you think about it, and feels a bit out-of-character for Sophia -- though not by much, I'll confess. If anything, this is a showcase of just what a toxic person Stan is, bringing out the worst in the Girls and Sophia in particular. He's still hilarious, though, which is probably why they kept bringing him back for more episodes despite how much trouble he causes for the Girls.
That's not to say Sophia is innocent. We've seen already that she's tried several get-rich-quick schemes before, and she's the one who talks Stan into it when the plan reaches its final stages. I think the reason I rate this episode so low is because, while Sophia has resorted to silly schemes before to try and accrue some quick cash -- all the Girls have, as I'm sure Baby the Pig would agree -- and she's been willing to bend the rules when it suits her, she crosses a bit of a line in this episode.
ROSE: Dorothy, our director said to prepare for our roles, we must become cats. *to Sophia* That's why I've been playing with your ball of yarn. And Blanche has been making those high-pitched screeching sounds in her room at night.
DOROTHY: You've been practicing for this part for a lifetime, haven't you, Blanche?
I mean, I get it -- she did get beaned by the fly ball and Stan does make it sound like it'd be an easy settlement. I can't help but think the ball park's insurance company will have seen someone try to pull this trick before, though. That's probably why they wouldn't accept a report from the nonspecific "Doctor Jerry." Speaking of his scene, I love that all the other Girls immediately clock that something's wrong with the whole scenario: Blanche questions how Stan would know a top neurologist, Rose is shocked Stan offers to pay for something, and Dorothy already doesn't trust Stan as far as she can throw him.
Dorothy spends the majority of the episode battling both her nefarious ex-husband and her slightly avaricious mother. She knows immediately that Stan's up to something when he shows up out of nowhere with baseball tickets, and she's correct. She knows Sophia is faking her injury (not that Sophia's great at hiding it), and she's correct. She knows Stan's only doing this for money, and she's correct. Her frustration is almost palpable, so I don't blame her for resorting to a very complicated trick to get them to cop to it -- especially when her own dramatic heart attack fails.
SOPHIA: As I was about to enter the light, a voice boomed, "Before you can enter the gates of Heaven, you must patch things up with your ex-son-in-law, Stan."
STAN: You see, babe? It's all part of the big guy's plan. I am but a humble servant.
DOROTHY: Mr. Belvedere is a humble servant, Stanley. You're a horse's ass.
Stan's plan to defraud the insurance company is quickly dropped as the episode only has a few minutes to wrap up, but I wonder whether he wasn't held in some way responsible. I don't know how insurance fraud works (nor am I encouraging anyone to enlighten me), but I would think the insurance company would want to hold someone liable for a fraudulent claim. Stan himself disappears after the hospital scene. We never see his reaction to the sick people revealing themselves to be actors out of nowhere.
I think the ending, in which Sophia is shamed into confessing her part in the deception by a waiting room full of sick people, would hit a lot harder if we'd not seen Sophia volunteering at a hospital only a few episodes prior. I get that it's more of a tactic on Dorothy's part to remind her that there are people suffering, but I feel she wouldn't need to hire actors to do that. And little Timmy, with his broken leg (whose name almost feels like a direct callback to Sophia's reference to Lassie earlier in the episode) and cheerful attempts to befriend an old lady, is about as subtle as an atom bomb.
Speaking of the actors, this is also the episode where Blanche and Rose get the B-plot, having been cast in Cats. The episode doesn't reveal which roles they were cast in -- I'm a bit of a musical theatre dilettante, but if I had to guess, I'd say possibly Demeter and Bombalurina? Those are the two characters their costumes most closely resemble, I think, and I could see them both fitting those roles perfectly -- Blanche basically is Bombalurina. Heck, I'm willing to be instructed if anyone has a better guess.
Both Girls spend part of their screentime in the episode in costume -- perhaps understandably as they're either going to or coming from rehearsal. Betty White and Rue McClanahan rock the heck out of those skin-tight costumes, though -- and they look excellent for a community theater production of the musical. Judy Evans apparently didn't intend for both women to have a mix of animal patterns in their clothes, but I think it sells the image of a slightly ramshackle production. Also, I think it goes without saying, but both women look bombshell-hot and I can only hope I hold up that well.
STAN: I just came from the hospital. They told me Sophia was discharged. Is she here?
DOROTHY: No, I haven't taken her out of the trunk of the car yet.
Other than the musical, Blanche and Rose don't contribute much to the episode. Both volunteer to tell stories, but we're thankfully spared a St. Olaf Story as Dorothy nominates Blanche's tale. It turns out not to be very helpful, as she's trying to tell a story about how lack of trust can ruin a relationship. However, in the story, she's cheating on her suspicious French boyfriend, proving that he did have a reason not to trust her. Begs the question, though: Why would Blanche be "crushed" when that relationship ended? There's no reason she couldn't keep canoodling with the American roommate in the driver's ed Oldsmobile (wow, there's a sentence I never thought I'd write).
Episode rating: 🍰🍰 (two cheesecake slices out of five)
Favorite part of the episode:
Blanche and Rose make Sophia's hospital stay more interesting.
Thoughts On . . . Dead Drop: A Carol Reed Adventure
The latest Carol Reed adventure game sees our intrepid detective get mixed up in a bit of espionage -- which turns out to be all legwork and no payoff. While the series remains as beautiful as ever, Carol Reed is not really a detective who's suited to a thriller story.
It's become a tradition: Not only is the latest Carol Reed game (which MDNA Games release every year on January 1 like clockwork) the first title I play on any given year, but I also must review it for this blog. I wish I could be this consistent in other aspects of my life -- such as completing personal game reviews in a timely fashion.
For those who don't know, this indie game series follows the outings of private detective Carol Reed, a British woman living in Sweden who gets mixed up in the most bizarre outings. The games' environments are created with photos of real locations in Sweden, including the insides of homes. The suspects and NPCs are also real people photographed to appear in the game. It makes for a series with beautiful, if haunting and surreal, visuals.
In her 2024 outing, Carol is contacted by Erik Levin, an employee of the Swedish Social Security Agency, who is being blackmailed by an anonymous person to deliver personal information at remote locations -- a.k.a. "dead drops." Carol takes over the dead drop deliveries to find out who is behind the blackmail and why they've targeted Erik . . . and not to spoil, but the latter mystery turns out to be way more complicated than it first appears.
Carol gets increasingly more involved in the dead drops, discovering connections to old spy activities and possible hidden caches of information as the source of the anonymous blackmailer's motive. She eventually becomes involved with an old Russian espionage plot that'd gone cold for years. Without spoiling, I will say that this is one of Carol's more inconclusive stories, though I'll be gentle and say the ending feels like the most realistic part of the story.
Hope You're Good at Following Instructions
Credit where it's due: Carol takes this case a lot more seriously up front than she does the previous one. She asks plenty of salient questions and easily takes over Eric's role as the dead drop-er with no hesitation. In fact, Dead Drop is almost the inverse of The Game Maker -- that game's story seemed relatively low-stakes at first, only for Carol to realize she's getting involved in something much darker and more serious than she realized.
In Dead Drop, Carol approaches the case more seriously and is quicker to put herself in the line of possible danger, and she realizes more quickly how dangerous it is. Then, as the mystery progresses, the dead drops become more focused on one particular goal -- and let's just say it's a bit less dire than it seemed initially. In fact, I preferred this game's conclusion to the one in The Game Maker, if only because it doesn't take a turn into the horrific out of nowhere.
As always, the locations in the game are beautiful. There's something about the Carol Reed series that makes her corner of Sweden seem so cozy and delightful. Part of it is that the music is always soothing, meaning there's never a sense of urgency to anything you do, but part of it is that all of the locations -- or at least the urban and natural areas, not necessarily the interiors -- are captured at the right time of day to bring out all their comforting beauty, making it seem like Norrkoping is bathed in perpetual golden hour.
There are also more locations than last time. I didn't keep count, but it felt like we bounced around a plethora of different locations. It almost felt like the developer was happy to fully be able to show off their area following the restrictions of the pandemic (which even Carol chafed under). Perhaps I would find that a bit unfocused in another game, but Carol Reed's particular kind of experience makes each new location feel magical.
Also, there's one detail that probably no one but me will care about, but that makes me extremely happy: Usually, when we visit a location, Carol just appears there after clicking over on the map screen with no explanation as to how she got there. And when you leave the location, it's by clicking on the part of the environment that says, "Leave." I've chalked this up to gameplay convention up to now -- I've even joked to my husband that Carol must owe a fortune in rideshare fees.
However, this time, when you go to the part of the environment where you leave, there's always a small bike parked next to the exit. No matter where Carol is, her bike is parked somewhere nearby. It sounds like a little thing, but it gives me some joy to have the game actually explain for once how Carol gets around -- something this series has never done before. Sure, the amount of distance she covers seems improbable for a bike rider, but heck, she could have taken public transport at least part of the way.
Espionage: Another Word for Legwork
As always, I've gotta talk about the game's flaws. I may not seem it, but I'm hesitant sometimes to bring them up, considering the game is the work of such a hardworking indie dev. However, there are a couple of bones to pick: For starters, while most of the in-game clues that are supposed to be hand-written notes look like handwritten notes, sometimes it's just placeholder text. It's like there was supposed to be a note there, but the dev never rendered it in the game.
The side missions, where Carol must do favors for NPCs in order to get their help to progress the story, continue to be a bit of a pain point for the series. I understand they're there to create more length and dimension in a game that would otherwise be straightforward and linear. However, some of the favors Carol has to do are just straight boring. In this game, she spends several minutes helping one of the characters beat a level in his mobile game (which looks identical to a Carol Reed game, funnily enough).
There's also one bizarre segment where Carol has to poke around a train station -- not as part of a case, but to fulfill a sidequest for an NPC. Remember back when I reviewed The Game Maker and I said one of the weirdest parts was that Carol spent time in public spaces where there were never any people around? It's fine when Carol's walking around abandoned places, private homes, or even some public parks, but I mentioned it was a little odd how she could walk through a shopping center and see absolutely no other people.
Well, I'd like to officially rescind that complaint, because when Carol visits the train station, there's a man very clearly asleep on one of the benches as she wanders around (I really hope he knew he was being photographed for this). It turns out that seeing random people around in the background of these scenes -- real people, for all intents and purposes -- is actually quite unsettling and the creator made the right choice by not including them.
Should you play Dead Drop?
I think, out of all the games I've thus far reviewed on my blog, this is the most engaging Carol Reed story yet. It's still not my favorite game in the series . . . it's probably not even in my top five. But it's still a decent and engaging mystery that sees Carol get up to some espionage-based shenanigans in pretty surroundings.
I wish there'd been a more detailed payoff to the mystery, but I understand why there wasn't. And some of the sidequests drag on a bit longer than they should to add length to this otherwise-short game. Also, I forgot to mention it further up the review, but the developer gets in one more cheeky urine joke that almost feels directed my way, though at this point I think I'm just used to it.
Masonry Monday: The Case of the Sardonic Sergeant [WIP]
Sgt. Joseph Dexter is caught in a mystery when money supposedly destroyed by the Army in the Philippines turns up stateside over a decade later -- and his superior, the finance officer, starts acting strange. When the officer's wife finds him dead, a clumsy cover-up leads to Sgt. Dexter being charged in his murder. Out of guilt, she engages the services of Perry Mason on is behalf.
*Trigger warning: This episode mentions suicide, and some readers may find this disturbing. If you or anyone you know is suicidal, please call emergency services or the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.*
Who's Who
Perry Mason's client: Master Sergeant Joseph Dexter, a clerk in the finance office who notices a problem with the payroll money
The victim: Major Frank Lessing, the finance officer, who's connected to stolen money that was supposed to have been destroyed
Suspects:
Helen Lessing, the victim's wife, who tries to cover up what she thinks is her husband's suicide
Howard Evans, Helen's brother, a civilian who worked in the finance office and kept an eye on Maj. Lessing for his sister
Walter Haskell, the chief cashier at the finance office, who's trying to maintain his much-younger girlfriend
Master Sergeant William "Smitty" Smith, a malaria-ridden soldier who returned from Manila at the same time as the stolen money
Rikki Stevens, a woman from Manila who's mixed up with several of the soldiers -- though apparently against her will
The Setup
It's Camp Gracie, at the Military Police Headquarters. Two NCOs are summoned to Captain Kennedy's office, and he introduces Mr. Blake of the Treasury Department. He presents a $20 bill to one of them, Master Sergeant William Smith, and asks which of them used it at a local bar. Sgt. Smith confirms it was him, but he got it in a card game and he's not sure who gave it to him. The other players included the man with him, Staff Sergeant Burke, several other players, and Sgt. Dexter, the chief clerk in the Finance Office.
After they go, the Lieutenant taking notes looks at the bill -- it looks good. Cpt. Kennedy clarifies it's not counterfeit, but it shouldn't exist. Blake tells the Lt. that the Army burned $10 million to keep it out of enemy hands before the surrender in Corregidor Island, that bill supposedly among them. They estimate $400,000 has been stolen. All the bills have been traced to Camp Grace. Out of the eight men who were supposed to destroy the money, six are dead; one is Tony Cusick, wanted for desertion; and one is Major Frank Lessing, their current Finance Officer.
In the Lessing house, Mrs. Helen Lessing tells Cpt. Kennedy on the phone that she doesn't know where her husband is -- as Maj. Lessing stands next to her listening. She implores him to tell her what's wrong. He reassures her there's nothing wrong and he'll talk to Cpt. Kennedy when he's ready. She leaves to take their kids to a birthday party. Later, Maj. Lessing enters the Finance and Accounting Office and passes assistant cashier Howard Evans, who quietly reassures Helen that her husband is there and that he (Evans) will speak with him.
As Maj. Lessing retrieves something from the safe, Master Sergeant Joseph Dexter enters and tells Lessing that Cpt. Kennedy and Blake questioned him. He told them that only Maj. Lessing had the combination to the safe, but Maj. Lessing corrects him: Sgt. Dexter himself knows the combo, but he's not supposed to. Sgt. Dexter confronts Maj. Lessing: When he went to the bank to pick up the payroll money, the bank also gave him the serial numbers of the bills. Sgt. Dexter checked the bills in the safe before Cpt. Kennedy and Blake arrived: The bills aren't the same.
Maj. Lessing gets angry at Sgt. Dexter, who quietly says his transfer request is in the Major's desk drawer. It's tucked under a small pistol. Maj. Lessing signs off on the request and relieves Sgt. Dexter of duty. They both storm out of the office, Sgt. Dexter locking up his desk. After he goes, another man in the office, Haskell, gets a phone call and tells the person on the other side not to call him at the office.
Enter Perry Mason, Attorney at Law
In Perry Mason's office, Della announces Maj. Lessing, who asks that she doesn't take notes of his meeting with the attorney. He explains that he plans to disclose a crime -- possession of stolen funds -- the next morning to Cpt. Kennedy, Camp Grace's criminal investigator. He wants to retain Perry as counsel and offers $1,500 as retainer. Perry tells him to give the whole details. Maj. Lessing says coming clean will destroy his wife and daughters, but it must be done. Perry agrees to meet him the next morning in his office.
It's 10 pm at Camp Grace, Sgt. Dexter is in the Finance Office, and can't find his transfer request, which he tossed into the outbound tray. The return to quarters bugle sounds, and he leaves. Later, at around 3:30 am, Helen wakes up, having dozed off in her living room. She notes her husband still isn't home. She calls his office and there's no answer. She quickly dresses and goes to the office -- the door is open. She enters Maj. Lessing's office, and finds his body slumped over at his desk, the pistol in one hand and a note in the other.
Helen bursts into tears when she realizes her husband is dead, then takes the note from his hand. It's addressed to her, and confesses to using his office to dispose of stolen money. She crumples up the note, puts it in the ashtray, and burns it before throwing the ashes out of the window. Then she makes a mess of his desk and the room, pries the gun out of his hand, and wipes it off with her handkerchief before dropping it on the floor. She then calls Cpt. Kennedy and tearfully reports her husband murdered.
The Murder
Perry Mason arrives on base the next morning at the Lessing house. Evans opens the door and allows Perry in, introducing himself as Helen's brother. Perry already heard the news from Cpt. Kennedy in Maj. Lessing's office. Evans says Maj. Lessing told him about meeting Perry and asks if anything the Major said could give a clue as to his killer. Helen enters and Perry gives her the envelope containing $1,500 back.
The doorbell rings, and Cpt. Kennedy enters. He apologizes to Helen for having suspected her husband. They believe Sgt. Dexter killed her husband. Helen tries to protest his innocence, but Cpt. Kennedy leaves. Helen tells Perry that Sgt. Dexter didn't do it, and returns the retainer, begging Perry to defend him. She says she knows he's innocent, but won't say how. In the Stockade, Sgt. Dexter protests ignorance of the Corregidor money and insists he's been framed.
They found $10,000 of the stolen money in his footlocker and $50,000 in the finance office safe. Sgt. Dexter says he was sure Maj. Lessing made the substitution, but now he isn't sure. He and Evans picked up the payroll money the morning before, then turned it over to Maj. Lessing. It was out of his sight twice: Once when he went back into the bank to cash Maj. Lessing's personal check, and then when Haskell, the chief cashier, counted the money. Sgt. Dexter swears on his word of honor that he didn't kill Maj. Lessing, and Perry believes him, agreeing to represent him.
Paul meets Perry with a list of all the finance office employees who were on the base the night before. Haskell, Paul notes, has a much-younger girlfriend named Rikki Stevens. He's been maintaining her somehow despite his low salary. Perry tells him to ask Rikki herself. Later, Paul visits a local bar and sits next to Rikki, who seethes as Sgts Smith and Burke catcall her. She tosses a drink on him and threatens him with a broken glass.
Paul approaches her and offers to buy her a drink. She agrees, and the bartender apologizes for Sgt. Smith. He was in Manila 7 months previously but was sent back when he caught malaria. Paul notes Rikki arrived on base at the same time, and she immediately gets her back up. She refuses to let Paul pay for her drink, tosses down a $5, and leaves. Paul pays the bartender $10 for him to keep the bill and examines it closely. Perry visits Haskell's home and questions him about Rikki. Perry tells him at least one of the stolen bills has been traced to her. Haskell refuses to speak further.
In Perry's office, Della gives him a manual on court marshal proceedings, and he preps for his defense with the appointed defense counsel, Cpt. Ralph Stewart. Evans calls the office and puts Helen on. She tells Perry that her husband committed suicide and she burned the note. He asks if she'd be willing to tell that to Cpt. Kennedy, and she agrees. They go to meet at his office.
45 minutes later, Cpt. Kennedy asks if Helen can remember the exact words in the note. She can -- and is shocked when Cpt. Kennedy begins to read them to her. She asks how he could get the note. Cpt. Kennedy says Maj. Lessing didn't write it. Perry asks why Sgt. Dexter hasn't been released. Cpt. Kennedy doesn't answer, but tells Helen that her husband didn't commit suicide, but tried to protect Sgt. Dexter. Helen faints.
The Court Marshal
At the military court, the court marshal gets underway. Sgt. Dexter pleads not guilty. The prosecutor, Major Lewis, calls Sgt. Jean McKnight to the stand. She works at the message office, and she testifies that Sgt. Dexter's request for a transfer vanished between 9pm the previous night and when she returned the next morning. On cross, Mason tries to question McKnight, but Maj. Lewis objects.
Maj. Lewis questions Cpt. Kennedy, who says that the MP patrol reported Sgt. Dexter entered the finance office shortly after Maj. Lessing did the night of the murder, leaving 15 minutes later. The autopsy shows Maj. Lessing died between 9:30 and 10:30 that night. Maj. Lewis asks him to identify a typewriter ribbon, which Cpt. Kennedy says he removed from Sgt. Dexter's typewriter. It's possible to "read" a clean typewriter ribbon with a magnifying glass.
Cpt. Kennedy starts to read the words on the ribbon, the same as the suicide note. Mason objects, as there's no connection between Sgt. Dexter and the note. Maj. Lewis will establish the connection, and asks Cpt. Kennedy if Maj. Lessing could have typed his note on Sgt. Dexter's typewriter. Cpt. Kennedy says no, as it was typed by a touch typist based on the evenness of the letters on the ribbon. Maj. Lessing was not a touch typist, but Sgt. Dexter was, and his desk with the typewriter in it was locked.
On cross, Mason asks about the Corregidor money, and whether they have any evidence that Sgt. Dexter was connected to the plot to steal it -- they don't. Regarding the $10,000 found in Sgt. Dexter's footlocker, Mason asks whether it would be unobserved while the Sergeant was out of his room -- it would. He then asks Cpt. Kennedy about the lock on the desk. Mason points out it's a simple lock that can be picked with any small object, and Cpt. Kennedy confirms there have been complaints about that. Cpt. Kennedy also confirms that 212 people on base are touch typists.
Rikki Stevens enters court. Maj. Lewis asks Sgt. Smith about the Corregidor bill he used in the card game, and Sgt. Smith said Sgt. Dexter introduced it -- it was the only $20 in the game. Mason has no questions on cross, but reserves the right to recall him if needed. The next day, Maj. Lewis calls Haskell to the stand. Haskell says that, when he received the payroll money, some of the bills were scorched, and that Sgt. Dexter had sole possession of the money.
On cross, Mason asks if Haskell could have switched the money -- he says it's possible, but he denies it. He presents him the $5 bill Rikki used at the bar, which is also scorched. Mason also has a receipt for Rikki's rent, which Haskell paid for. Haskell confesses that he has given Rikki money, but not because she's his mistress -- she's his daughter, who he had in Manila 25 years previously. She left Manila in 1949 to visit him, then returned to Manila 8 months previously. He protests he wouldn't involve her by giving her the stolen money.
Later, in Perry's office, he's pacing as he says there's something about the case that's not adding up. Then he looks through the personnel records that Paul got for him, and immediately sends Della out to verify certain fingerprints, while he gets on the phone to call Camp Grace's surgeon, who examined the body . . .
In Summation
This is such a difficult episode for me to watch, but not because there's anything wrong with the mystery itself. It's the tiny little factual errors that they get wrong with regards to the military details. I know it wouldn't even tickle the brain of the average civilian, but I grew up on a military base and my mother worked in a military museum, so she pointed little errors like these out to me in almost every film and TV show we watched that involved the Army. I know that I probably have made a few small errors of my own in this post -- I'm not perfect, but I'm also not writing a military script!
It starts right at the first line: Cpt. Kennedy greets the NCOs entering his office by saying, "Which one of you is William Smith?" He should have said, "Which one of you is Master Sergeant William Smith?" or, "Which of you is Master Sergeant Smith?" Soldiers don't properly salute each other, especially not when they're dismissed. Nobody uses military time. I could buy civilians possibly working in the finance office, but not that Maj. Lessing would walk around out of uniform. Credit where it's due, though: Most of the soldiers wear the correct patches and insignia, but the rest of it still gives me the itch.
Although, speaking of errors, I would like to personally take accountability here for something. I have said in the past that I appreciate that Perry Mason makes the effort to cast Asian or Asian-American actors to play Asian characters (not a given for the time period). I have also pointed out that the series sometimes inverts racist tropes, particularly in "The Case of the Empty Tin," when Gow Loong says he plays into the expectation that he'll speak "broken English" to divert attention from himself. It was naïve of me, but compared to some of the other media I've watched from the same time period, Perry Mason seems relatively progressive.
That's why it was such a shock to me to watch this again and hear Paul refer to Rikki Stevens' mother as "definitely an Oriental." I had to pause, because the reminder that this show is a product of its time -- no matter how much I might wish it otherwise -- was pretty abrupt. But that is the case, and it sucks because Rikki Stevens teeters on the verge of the aforementioned trope subversions. She doesn't speak with a ridiculous "Asian" accent, she's played by an actress of at least some Filipino heritage, and the inference that she was an exotic dancer in Manila is implied to be Smith stereotyping her rather than an actual fact.
Case under review; please return at a later time...
