𝒷𝓁𝑜𝑜𝒹𝓎 𝓈𝒸𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎𝓌𝒶𝑔 @rachelxcuddy - Tumblr Blog

❝ MOM...i love you, and spending this time with you has been great but...what if i never get HOME ? ❞

{ @xcuddy }

#xcuddy #ᴠ﹕ ᴏʜ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴍᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴀʀᴛ [ main ]

she’s watching her younger self play with her grandmother and a couple of her cousins, and her hands have unknowingly CLENCHED into fists. she has half a mind to go over and knock arlene a new one ( again ), but her mother’s the only one who knows who she is, and it’d be rude to introduce herself with a punch in the jaw. ❝ it’s FUNNY, ❞ she murmurs once she sees her mother come up beside her, ❝ i didn’t realize i ever got along with the satan spawn...or SATAN. ❞

{ @xcuddy }

#xcuddy #ᴠ﹕ ᴏʜ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴍᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴀʀᴛ [ main ]

MAMA:

“no, i get it.” she does, even if it makes her sad. “i’m not the person you know, and you have a whole family that isn’t here.” it certainly doesn’t feel BAD, the idea of having a family with stacy; and they look happy enough in the photo. she would make a good partner, lisa thinks, and it feels right for her daughter to call them both her mom. through the first few years of rachel’s life she’d felt so guilty about the fact that it would probably only ever be the two of them, that lisa would never be good enough by herself. “you look like you could be HERS, you know.” same little smile.

“well, i guess i have ten years to come to terms with you driving unlicensed.” lisa runs her hand through her daughter’s hair, tucking a piece behind her ear. “that’s soon, isn’t it? that i meet stacy again, i mean. you’re already in kindergarten. she won’t be missing for long, and then –– well, you’ll pop back into your … old, future life at some point.”

god knows she thinks about that every day. losing this other version of her daughter … the idea hurts more than she’d ever have believed possible.

❝ that’s FUNNY, i always thought i looked more like your kid than hers but...i’m also the genius who didn’t figure out she was adopted until she was a teenager so...y’know. ❞ she leans against her mother and lets out a contented little SIGH. much as she wants to get home, she’s going to miss being the special one.

❝ i hadn’t done the MATH, but...yeah, i guess you’re right. that makes me feel a bit better. i’m glad...she’s good for you. i know you have trouble ACCEPTING that the reverse is true, but...you’re good together, and you raise three amazing kids. well...two amazing kids. jimmy’s just OKAY. ❞ she gives lisa a playful nudge and lays her head on her shoulder.

❝ it’s gonna be okay, mom. i hope you KNOW that. ❞

#xcuddy #ᴠ﹕ ᴏʜ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴍᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴀʀᴛ [ main ]

UNCLE JAMES:

“i’m aware. i also wasn’t trying to psychoanalyze you. it was a genuine question.”

❝ i’m...HONESTLY ? no, i’m not fine, but if i tell anyone that...my moms, they’ll FREAK. they’ll try to fix it, and...i don’t know if i’m fixable. ❞

#itsalreadynever #{ wow look at rachel opening up to wilson about her ptsd #i'm proud of her #this is progress }

ELIZABETH:

“Yes that’s right, you’ll have to forgive me if I need your name.”

❝ i uh...i’m RACHEL, rachel cuddy. ella’s one of my best friends. ❞

#alexkmuses

RACHEL:

of course she notices them. she’s observant to a degree that borders on obnoxious, and if nothing else her well-honed mother alarm has been set off by the look on rachel’s face.

deflecting. of course. she’s stacy’s daughter too, after all. first thing lisa does is settle next to rachel on the couch and curl into her side –– one of the odder things about having an adult-sized daughter –– and the second is to touch rachel’s hand, the hand holding the photos. “how about we skip the part where we act like i don’t know you’re holding photos and move on to the bit where you show me?”

rachel sighs, photos falling forward onto her lap as soon as she releases them. ❝ i just...didn’t want you to think i don’t LIKE it here. i do. i just...it’s not home. and i guess even after all this time, i can still feel HOMESICK. ❞ she picks up the one she’d been staring at and gently traces their individual faces. ❝ we took this on tom’s sixteenth birthday. he’s the one in the GREEN. he...we were born six months apart and he...he’s always been my best friend. you and mom actually met up again because we were in the same first grade class. we always said we were supposed to be TWINS, but biology screwed that plan up for us. i remember this day...tom got his learner’s permit on his actual birthday, and i was upset because i was the LAST one out of the three of us to get it. ❞

she moves to trace stacy’s face then. she’s pressing a kiss to a smiling lisa’s cheek and they look...HAPPY. ❝ mom said she’d let me ride along while she taught tom to drive, but then when we were OUT THERE she let me drive too. you were so mad when you found out...but mom just...calmed you down. she’s always been able to do that, for all of us. it’s...WEIRD seeing you without her. even since i could remember you two were always just...a unit. it feels like something’s MISSING. ❞

#xcuddy #ᴠ﹕ ᴏʜ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴍᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴀʀᴛ [ main ]

MAMA:

“I also know I’m RIGHT.” Lisa wraps her arm around Rachel and pulls them both in, kissing both her older and younger daughter on the head. “I’m so glad she’s going to turn out so WONDERFULLY.”

rachel feels her eyes TEAR UP and casts her eyes to the ground. ❝ don’t...don’t get your hopes up, ❞ she says quietly, ❝ it’ll just...make it WORSE when i end up letting you down. ❞

#xcuddy #ᴠ﹕ ᴏʜ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴍᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴀʀᴛ [ main ]

❝ you’re ella greene’s MOM ? ❞

{ @alexkmuses }

#alexkmuses #{ because y'know #why not have future ella and future rachel know each other XD }

she’s sitting on the couch contemplatively flipping through the photos of her family she keeps with her at all times. nice as meeting the younger version of her mother has been, rachel MISSES her family. she misses her discussions with tom, teasing jimmy, the way she could walk downstairs in the morning and see both of her mothers smiling at each other. she settles on one picture of the five of them in the backyard for tom’s sixteenth birthday. they’re all smiling and HAPPY.

when rachel hears movement, she quickly presses the photos against her chest, hoping this version of her mother doesn’t NOTICE them. ❝ hey, ❞ she breathes, ❝ you scared me. everything okay ? ❞

{ @xcuddy }

#xcuddy #ᴠ﹕ ᴏʜ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴍᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ sᴛᴀʀᴛ [ main ]

UNCLE JAMES:

“… feel better?”

❝ ...stop it. don’t psychoanalyze me, i’m not HOUSE. ❞

#itsalreadynever #{ rachel pls stop being grumpy it's not gonna help anyone }

❝ you’re not the only one with battle scars, JIMMY. sometimes you just gotta suck it up and build a brace for it, otherwise you push EVERYONE away. ❞

{ @itsalreadynever }

#itsalreadynever #{ me: wants to do something funny for wilson #rachel: FUCK THAT IT'S ANGST TIME }

HOUSE:

“ you kidding me – ? your mom gave me hell for letting you watch that. “

❝ yeah well that’s kind of her thing. luckily, i can take care of MYSELF now. not that she believes that, but hey, that show is what PUSHED ME towards the navy, so she can’t be TOO mad. well...she can, but she shouldn’t. ❞

#fightsthatdragon